Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Giving You Away ❯ Chapter 1

Giving You Away

 

 

Tokyo is drowning. Jets wait in a buzz overhead for the water to stop breaking against the tarmac. The sun drips down, leaving this chaos behind, you sit beside me, ignore my smiling. I can see you sweat. It glistens in the sunshine. Dying sunshine. You'll see it sooner than me.

 

I am part of these shadows, watching you leave, go away: fly. Ignore me, pretend this is a smile you can hate. Leave the havoc behind.

 

Do you envy her, like I do him? Do you think about me, the way I think of you? It's so beautiful, isn't it? The drama- we have such a talent for it.

 

“Look at me.”

 

You refuse.

 

“Eiri. Are you sure?”

 

You shrug and sweat makes you look sweet; no, sweeter. You never loved me, I never loved you, more than this moment. You pretend not to see me look away and watch you stand in the reflection as they sound the boarding call. You are so pathetic, when you refuse to watch me smile. All because your lip's trembling.

 

“You should be happy,” you say.

 

“Of course I am.” I touch your collar. When you turn around, you still can't look at my smile. “Hawaii is beautiful, this time of year.”

 

“And it's that Valentine's Day, down there. He says it's apropos.”

 

“Shindo actually said apropos?” I straighten your collar. “I thought the whole point was to get married around your birthday. He is flamboyant, isn't he?”

 

You roll your eyes and smack my hand away, when I brush back your hair. “Stop it.”

 

“I want you to look your best. It's not every day that I give you to somebody else.” You stop moving away from me. “What?” When I look into your face, you look so much younger; and I remember the other one, the other one who took you from me. “You put up too much of a fight, when I try to take care of you.” I try to smile. “You just like it too much.”

 

“Too much?” You frown.

 

Everything stops, and it is tempting to believe there is no one here, but you and I. Tempting. Like the feel of your cheek under my knuckle. Please flinch. Make this easier, like you always do. Don't be so close to what I dream about, when there is no point…

 

If you don't push me away, I'll keep leaning toward you and believe we aren't here. If you don't stop looking at me like a lost little boy, I will not be able to send you out into that crazy world with someone else taking care of you. I won't. I won't stop, Eiri. You are too far away, please don't let me get closer. Please…

 

Our mouths are so close.

 

The boarding call is made. That high pitched feminine voice breaks us apart. All I can feel this the rhythm of my heart, as I give you away, again. This is all I will remember.

 

“You have such bad instincts.” You make me wonder if I was alone with all those feelings, a moment ago. I'm not even a part of this moment, because you're always so far away from me.

 

“You'd better leave, now. Or you'll lose your seat.” I pull my down the eye of my hat and hide him from my sight.

 

“They don't give away first class seats.”

 

“The flights overbooked.” I point to the counter. Economy passengers are already rioting. “They'll make the pilot give up his seat at this rate.”

 

“Fine.” Your voice is farther away. Hawaii is probably beautiful, so close to Spring. It's never cold there. I watch rain beating down the tarmac. It's so easy to leave this place, isn't it?

 

Tokyo is too cold for you.

 

“I can still call a private jet.”

 

I was smiling, thinking you would say something about how Shindo would find that apropos. Like a fool. Because you'd already boarded the plane, and left me without goodbye. I wish you said it. Because that's what it needs to be.

 

As much as I want to be the one you come back to, I don't want you to need that, again. Please be happy, Eiri. It's the best birthday present I can give you.

 

"Happy birthday, Eiri-boy." I am still smiling. I can't see through the tears, but I'm sure you are already waving at me through the window seat.