Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ In My Life ❯ I Still Can Recall ( Chapter 2 )

teH aweSOmE NoTEs: La li hoooo! Time for another chapter of fun (well, maybe not that much fun, considering what happens in poor little Eiri’s flashback ;_;) In this chapter, we finally get to some present day bits, hooray! And then we dive right back into another flashback ^_^;; (but one that’s a lot more recent than the first). What can I say, Yuki-sama’s got a lot on his pretty little mind. Anyway, enjoy, and please review!

Disclaimer, courtesy of Eiri: “The writing obviously sucks too much to have been done by Murakami-sensei, so I don’t know why you’d think this crazy fangirl owns us.”

Chapter completed: 2005.04.12

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In My Life

Chapter 2: I Still Can Recall

Written by: Sailorspazz

* * * * * * * * * *

Yuki reentered the living room with two men Eiri had never seen before. The boy immediately rose from his horizontal position on the couch to being seated so as not to appear rude. He noticed that everyone in the room seemed to be focusing on him and became very uneasy. Something was simply not right with the atmosphere.

“You weren’t kidding, Yuki, the kid really is a looker,” one of the men said in English, as Eiri half wished he didn’t understand what was being said. “Hey, I’ll give you ten bucks if you let me go first.”

Eiri looked at his teacher in desperation. Surely he was misunderstanding the situation and Yuki would say something to assuage his concerns. But the expression on the older man’s face was a horrible one Eiri had never seen before, one that showed he felt no remorse for the situation he was putting his student in. “Sure, go ahead.” Those words stabbed into his heart and he barely noticed the two strangers advancing toward him. They proceeded to drag him from the couch onto the floor.

“W-what are you doing? Please, stop!” Eiri protested in English, but the men ignored his pleas and pushed him into a prone position, the larger of the two looming ominously above him as he straddled the boy’s hips.

Yuki knelt down and cupped the boy’s face in his hand. “Relax, Eiri-kun, everything will be fine. After all, you like men, don’t you?” Eiri could not believe his ears. How could his teacher interpret Eiri’s feelings for him to mean that he would be okay with being raped by two strangers? What had happened to the kind, gentle man he had come to admire and love the past few years?

The man above him moved to undo Eiri’s belt buckle. “No! Please stop, I don’t want to-” Eiri’s words were cut off with a gasp as he felt cold steel against his temple.

“Now, now, be a good boy. We don’t want to have to resort to necrophilia here. We just want to have a little fun with you,” the second man said, pushing his gun firmly in place against Eiri’s skull. The larger man continued in his effort to undress him, leaving him naked from the waist down and then forcibly pulled his legs apart. Eiri wanted to scream as he felt the man roughly trying to enter him, but facing the prospect of getting his brains blown out he didn’t dare make a sound.

“Holy shit, this kid’s tight. I guess you were right about him being a virgin.” The man shoved harder and finally managed to force himself inside the blonde boy. Tears of pain and disbelief slid down Eiri’s cheeks, but he remained silent. The man raping him would probably enjoy hearing him squeal in pain, and he didn’t want to give him that pleasure.

He looked over to the couch where his teacher was sitting to see if there was any sign that he was regretting what he was doing and was horrified to see Yuki with a hand down his pants, contentedly stroking his erection. He was actually enjoying watching Eiri suffer. At that moment he felt something snap inside his mind. He was suddenly filled with rage, and all he could think about was how he was going to make these men who were degrading and humiliating him suffer. They were all going to pay dearly for this.

“Woo, that was great.” The man who had paid for his right to go first finally finished and pulled out of the young blonde.

“Maybe for you, but now he’s gonna be all stretched out when we get our turns,” the second man said with a laugh as he pulled the gun away from Eiri’s head, meaning to hand it off to his friend as they switched places.

“Well, he should still be...what the-” His words were cut short as Eiri grabbed the gun from the second man and used it to put a bullet into the man who had forcibly stolen his virginity.

“Holy shit, Yuki, this kid’s gone-” Another bullet, another sentence cut short as the speaker’s life ended.

Yuki stood up from the couch, his expression changing over to the kind, gentle one that Eiri was accustomed to seeing. Eiri could no longer believe that it was sincere, nor that it ever had been. “All right, calm down now, Eiri-kun. Put down the gun and we can talk about this.” The older man began to walk closer to a quivering Eiri.

“S-stay back! Don’t come any closer, or I’ll...” He was unable to finish his sentence, but in his mind the resolve was still there. The man before him had betrayed him in the worst way imaginable, and in his rage Eiri would not hesitate to protect himself from this man who had transformed into a hideous stranger before his very eyes.

“You’ll shoot me?” Yuki let out a vile laugh as he continued to move closer to the boy. “Do you really think you could go through with it? After all, weren’t you going to say earlier that you lo-” Eiri sent one more bullet flying, this one piercing the heart of the man he had loved. He fell to his knees shaking, suddenly disturbed by the eerie silence of the room. He looked in horror at the three corpses around him. What had he done?

“EIRI-KUN! Eiri-kun, are you in there?!” He registered the sounds of a familiar voice sounding unfamiliarly frantic and the front door being shoved open. Running footsteps came closer and closer until they stopped at the entrance to the living room. “Oh, my god, Eiri-kun.”

Eiri looked up, still in shock from what had happened only minutes before. “Touma-san...” he said weakly. The full impact of the situation finally hit him as the older blonde ran over and embraced him. Sobs wracked the boy’s delicate frame, his mind barely registering the words of comfort Touma attempted to sooth him with.

* * * * * * * * * *

Touma had returned to his home late that afternoon after a day of errands and work-related business. He had expected to find Eiri there, perhaps having started dinner since Touma was returning around the time when they normally ate. Instead, he found a hastily written note saying that Eiri had gone with Yuki to the museum and would be back in time for dinner. Touma got an uneasy feeling just from reading those words. Eiri should be back by now, so why was there no sign of him? Reminding himself that it wasn’t a good idea to begin panicking when Eiri could very well be in the house somewhere--the kid was often very quiet, after all--he decided to take a look around, calling out for Eiri as he went from room to room.

He reached the boy’s bedroom and knocked softly. Receiving no reply, he opened the door and turned on the light, finding no sign that Eiri had been there in the last several hours. He was about to close the door when he noticed something sticking out from under Eiri’s pillow. Curiously, he crossed the room and pulled the object in question out of its hiding place for closer inspection. It was a photo of Eiri and Yuki. The bad feeling Touma had had earlier suddenly worsened exponentially. “Shit.” Anyone who knew him would have been surprised to hear such a curse from the usually polite man, but there was no time to worry about proper language when he was suddenly feeling dreadfully concerned for the safety of the young man he had cared for these past several years.

Touma raced to his car at lightening speed, quickly jumping in and speeding down the streets of New York, tracing the quickest route he knew to Yuki’s apartment building. If that bastard had done anything to Eiri, he would be dead. Touma would strangle him with his own bare hands if he had to. He began cursing once more as he found himself stuck at the back of a traffic jam. “God dammit, what the fuck are all these people doing on the road? Get the hell out of my way!” He began honking the horn angrily as he screamed obscenities. He briefly considered driving on the sidewalk, then realized he was getting out of control and took a deep breath to calm down. He didn’t even know whether Eiri was in trouble or not, and it wouldn’t be wise to risk injuring innocent bystanders just to get to the boy. To the dismay of the other drivers, he put his car into park where it stood on the road and got out to run the several remaining blocks to the apartment, all the while praying that the horrible feeling in his gut was wrong.

He reached the building out of breath and used all of his might to force open the door to the apartment Yuki was renting. He was shocked to find Eiri half naked with a gun in his shaking hands surrounded by three dead bodies. He ran over and wrapped his arms around him, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with guilt. “I’m sorry, Eiri-kun. This is all my fault.”

Several hours later, Touma was once again in his car, driving back to his apartment with a miserable Eiri curled up in the backseat. They were coming back from the hospital, where doctors had told them that Eiri had not suffered any permanent physical damage from his attack, but would most likely require counseling to help him through the trauma mentally. Touma had also been thankful to hear from police officers at the scene of the incident that it was unlikely charges would be pressed against the boy, since he was a minor who had been raped under the threat of a weapon and had killed in self-defense. That was somewhat of a relief, but the news was of little comfort to Eiri. The reality that he had taken three lives was really beginning to set in, and he had barely said a word ever since Touma had found him. However, there was one thing Touma needed to get straight. “You loved him, didn’t you, Eiri-kun?”

Eiri’s eyes widened for a moment, then filled with tears. Yes, he had really killed the man he loved. He nodded weakly. “How did you know?”

“The picture in your room. Most students don’t keep photos of their teacher under their pillow unless...” Touma didn’t finish his sentence and a surprised Eiri watched as he punched the steering wheel. “Dammit, I should have done something when I first saw the signs! Then none of this would have ever happened!”

“Even if you had fired him, I probably would have found a way to keep seeing him. It’s not your fault, Touma-san. I should have listened to you and never gone over there.” Eiri’s voice began to crack as his tears threatened to spill over.

“No, Eiri-kun, if I had have fired him years ago when I first got the feeling that he had some sort of attraction to you, you would have never had the chance to start having those same feelings for him.” Touma felt like he was about to break down crying from the horrible guilt plaguing him, but he knew that would be of no comfort to the boy in the backseat who had gone through hell that day. He took another deep calming breath and tried to recall the reasoning he had heard from the police officers earlier that day. “I’m sorry, Eiri-kun, we shouldn’t be thinking like this. The fact is, we are not the ones to blame for this situation. Kitazawa Yuki and his friends are the ones who did something wrong, not you and I, and now they have been punished for their deeds.”

“Well, too bad my life’s not a goddamn fairytale where everything’s okay because the bad guys got punished.”

Upon hearing those harsh, cynical words from the boy behind him, Touma realized that he would never see the happy, smiling young man he had known and loved ever again. Eiri would be forever changed by this.

They soon arrived at their apartment, where Touma lifted the younger man out of the car and carried him inside, an awkward task since Eiri was now taller than Touma himself. He deposited the boy on his bed and pulled the covers up around him. “If you need anything, just let me know, okay?” Eiri nodded and Touma left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

Eiri laid completely still for several moments until he believed Touma had walked off down the hallway. When he was sure he couldn’t be heard, he turned his face into his pillow and screamed at the top of his lungs as he began to sob uncontrollably, even harder than he had when Touma had first found him at Yuki’s apartment. Yuki...he’d killed him. He didn’t want to believe it was true, but the scene kept playing over and over in his mind. He hadn’t wanted to do it, but he had been too scared and angry to do anything else. He couldn’t understand why his teacher had put him in such a position. Had he just been using him the whole time he had known him? Had he really never had any genuine feelings for Eiri? Was his kindness all these years just an act to make Eiri vulnerable to his advances? He hated to think that these things could be true, but the more he thought about it the more it all made sense. Even so, in his heart he couldn’t feel any hatred toward the man. He still loved him, even after what had happened. He would always love him.

Touma had stayed right next to the door to Eiri’s room and heard his muffled screams and cries. He almost reentered the room, but then backed away from the door. There was a reason Eiri had waited until he left the room to break down. The boy hadn’t been alone at all since his ordeal and probably needed some time to work out his feelings by himself, without someone sitting next to him telling him not to feel bad about what happened. The sound of the boy’s sobs broke Touma’s heart, as he still couldn’t help but feel like he was mostly at fault. There was nothing he could do to fix things now, but he could at least help start Eiri’s healing process. Touma looked through the phonebook, picked up the phone and dialed a number. “Yes, hello, I would like to book two plane tickets from New York to the Kansai Airport, please.”

Eiri’s body quickly grew exhausted from his laborious crying session, but even as his body drifted off to sleep, his mind continued to swirl with the questions that still haunted him.

Why did you do this, Yuki?

I loved you...I still do...

Why, Yuki?

Yuki...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Yuki? Yuki, are you awake?”

Eiri faintly registered the sound of a familiar young voice and the feeling of something hard against his cheek. He slowly opened his eyes and found that he was in an uncomfortable airplane seat with his head resting against the shoulder of a certain pink-haired rock star. He lifted his head and bent his neck in the opposite direction to get out the kink that had formed while he slept. “Why the hell did you wake me up, brat?” he said with a yawn.

Shuuichi puffed up his cheeks in a cute little pout. “We’re going to be landing soon. I guess next time I should just leave you sleeping on the plane and see where you end up if you’re going to be so mean about being woken up.” He crossed his arms and turned away from Eiri.

“Well, maybe I wouldn’t be so cranky if you hadn’t woken me up all those other times for no damn reason at all.” Seeing that Shuuichi was about to protest, Eiri quickly continued. “And, no, wanting to wake me up ‘just to chat’ does not qualify as a reason.” Frankly, he was surprised that Shuuichi had actually managed to not bother him for the past couple hours. He had probably talked the ear off of some unfortunate nearby passenger. Eiri noticed the empty plastic tray on Shuuichi’s tray table and frowned. “I see you didn’t bother to wake me up to eat.”

“Well, before you went to sleep last time you told me not to bug you again until we got to New York, so I thought-”

Eiri pressed a finger to his now throbbing temple. “Like I said, if there’s a reason for you to wake me up...” He trailed off and sighed. Shuuichi had actually done what he had told him for once, so it wasn’t fair to get mad at him for that. Though he had taken his instructions a bit more literally than he had intended, the idiot had still managed to restrain himself and not bother him for over two hours, so he had to give him credit for trying. Eiri also knew that a large part of his current irritation was due to the fact that the transcontinental flight had meant an unbearably long amount of time in which he couldn’t smoke a cigarette, and Shuuichi couldn’t be blamed for his lack of nicotine. He used to not care about the fairness of taking things out on Shuuichi that weren’t his fault, but lately he had begun to feel bad about it. Damn conscience...

Shuuichi saw Eiri’s hand coming toward him and flinched instinctively as he waited for the expected bonk on the head, but instead Eiri patted the top of his head affectionately like he were a faithful dog. “Whatever. If we’re landing soon, I can just get something to eat at the airport.” Shuuichi smiled and blushed slightly as his lover moved his hand down to rest on top of his own on the armrest. He wasn’t used to Eiri acting so tenderly with him in public. Knowing that Eiri was probably enjoying the moment too, he decided to not ruin things by saying something to make Eiri mad and just sat in silence reveling in the gentle touch of his lover’s hand.

Eiri gazed out the window as he recalled the dream he had been having before Shuuichi woke him up. Actually, dream wasn’t really the right word; it was more like he had been reliving his past while he slept. Ever since he had gone off his stabilizing medication his memories had been coming back more clearly, and this particular time was the clearest he had ever remembered his last few days of living in New York.

He and Touma left very soon after the incident, and to combat his constant oscillation between depression and cynicism he immediately began to attend therapy and was put on medication. This helped to take away his depression, but Eiri remained emotionally scarred from what had happened to him, even as he started to forget exactly what had taken place. He didn’t trust people at all, especially men, and he didn’t really care about anything--or anyone--anymore.

Eiri began attending a Japanese high school once he returned to Kyoto, fully expecting to receive the same crappy treatment from other students that he had endured during grade school. Instead, he found that rather than being ridiculed as a “half-breed” he was now labeled an “exotic beauty.” A lot of his peers were dying their hair anyway, so now his un-Japanese looks were not so unusual; in fact, they were even envied by many students who desperately wished to distinguish themselves as individuals in a society that stressed conformity.

Even Eiri’s above-average intelligence was viewed differently by his classmates than it had been before. A lot of the girls seemed impressed with his book smarts, and many of them asked him to help them study. Eiri quickly found out that these girls had anything but books on the brain when he accepted their offers to tutor them, and he soon gained a reputation for being incredibly promiscuous. It wasn’t that he had an out-of-control sex drive that he had a burning desire to fulfill, it was just that sex was the one form of human contact that gave him pleasure anymore. He had closed himself off emotionally because of his intense fear of being betrayed, so if physical pleasure was the most he could get out of his relationships with other people then so be it.

Though girls his age seemed to adore him, his male peers were another matter. Eiri figured they were probably jealous of the fact that he was smart, attractive, and could bed any girl he wanted. Most of the guys in his school chose to just cast dirty looks at him, but sometimes the tension reached a breaking point. One time another boy confronted him after hearing that Eiri had slept with his girlfriend. After a snarky comment from Eiri implying that if the other guy’s performance were up to par then maybe his girlfriend wouldn’t have needed to go where the gettin’ was good, the other boy took a swing at him. Even though he was caught off guard, Eiri managed to dodge and get in a good punch of his own, sending his classmate running off with a bloody nose. Eiri found that there was a second form of human contact he enjoyed in baiting people and beating the crap out of them. He wasn’t very strong physically, but he could usually win fights through the use of speed and superior tactics.

During the times when he wasn’t either having sex or getting into fights, Eiri found himself wishing he could experience those kinds of rushes more often. He began to drink and smoke heavily, but he found that these were also only temporary forms of comfort. Still, he quickly became addicted and was unable to stop as he found himself becoming dependent on such things just to get through the day (As an adult, Eiri couldn't help but wonder whether Tatsuha's current wild behavior was at least partially due to the fact that he had grown up watching his older brother engaging in the same activities as a teenager)

Despite the fact that everything that gave him pleasure was seen as destructive behavior, Eiri remained a model student at school, since studying proved to be another distraction that kept him from having to deal with his problems. As he entered his final year of high school, he found himself being increasingly pestered by others about what he was going to do with his life; his family was especially interested in hearing what he had planned since he had vehemently refused to take over the temple as tradition dictated he should as the oldest son. He didn’t really give a damn about his future, but he wanted to find something he could claim to be his goal just to shut up his family and teachers. He vaguely remembered a promise he had made when he was younger about becoming a writer. The name Yuki came to mind when he remembered that. His memories of the man were quite fuzzy at the time, and he had a lot of conflicting feelings attached to the name. Though he knew that something very bad had happened to him because of that man, he decided that since he seemed to be strongly connected to Eiri’s desire to write, he would use his name in his writing, and the penname Yuki Eiri was born.

He began to write short stories and sent them out to magazines and writing contests. Apparently there were many people who thought he had a very marketable talent, as he ended up getting his work printed in several different publications. At the age of seventeen he was already receiving offers from publishers for the exclusive rights to print his stories. His family and teachers told him he could get into any college he wanted, but he didn’t see the point. If he could make a living at something he was good at right out of high school, why bother pouring a bunch of money into a path that would have no effect on his chosen career? He eventually accepted the offer of Eikou Publishing, and upon his graduation from high school he moved to Tokyo, relieved to finally be living on his own. He didn’t feel like he needed other people, not even his own family, and Tokyo was a city where he could mill around in nameless masses of people and not be bothered to have to interact with any of them, save for the occasional refusal of proffered fliers and tissue packets from people advertising for stores on street corners.

For the next few years, his life fell into a pretty regular routine. He spent most days alone in his apartment writing. At night he would go out and pick up women, usually ending the night with one of them at his apartment, though sometimes he would go out again after bedding one girl and pick up another; his record was four in one night. Picking up women became easier and easier as he became more famous. Hell, most of the women he slept with probably had their minds made up the second they saw him that they wanted to get into his bed. Some women required convincing, though not usually very much, and he sometimes mentally kept track of how long it took between the time a woman first refused him to her going home with him. The time decreased dramatically with each new book he put out. Of course, there were some women who refused him entirely, which didn’t really bother him. Those girls were usually ones who had “morals” and “values” and would be likely to try to pressure him into an actual relationship if they slept with him. All he needed were random sluts he could fuck once or twice--maybe a couple more times if the sex was exceptionally good--and then never talk to again. Meaningful relationships were the last thing on his list.

And then came Shuuichi, a crazy ball of pink energy who came crashing into his life against his will and without his permission. Truth be told, even at the beginning of their messed up relationship, Eiri found Shuuichi to be a refreshing presence in his life. He was used to being surrounded by people who were completely fake to him. He knew that they were all just interested in his fame, his money, or getting into his pants, even though they pretended that they actually liked him for who he was as a person. Shuuichi, for some inexplicable reason, really did like the arrogant asshole that Eiri personified when he first met the boy. He was the first person to genuinely say that he loved Eiri. And Eiri found that for the first time in years he felt a sense of satisfaction even during the times when he wasn’t having sex, smoking, or getting drunk. It took him a long time to admit to himself that he had fallen in love with Shuuichi, and he still hadn’t told Shuuichi his true feelings. He had implied it in many ways, and no longer denied being in love with him when other people said he was, but he had never actually said the words he knew his lover so longed to hear. His heart skipped a beat as he glanced down to the matching silver rings that now adorned both his and Shuuichi’s fingers. He thought back to only a few days earlier when he had taken what he considered to be the biggest step in showing his lover just how much he meant to him...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Yuki, I’m hooome!” As was his routine whenever he came home from work, Shuuichi began to scour the house for his lover, bouncing from room to room and calling his name. He eventually reached the office, where he found the familiar sight of Eiri sitting in his desk chair before his laptop, long fingers moving swiftly over the keys. “There you are.”

Eiri grunted and didn’t even pause in his typing to look back at his lover’s form standing in the doorway. He knew Shuuichi was going to walk over and prattle on endlessly about his day no matter what Eiri did.

“You’re not going to believe what happened at the studio today! First of all, for once, I was the first one there. Hiro came pretty soon, though. He overslept a bit because he was talking to Ayaka-chan on the phone pretty late last night. I think things are going really well between them, and it seems like she’s totally over you now. Anyway, we were there by ourselves for about a half-hour when finally Fujisaki showed up, along with Seguchi-san. He said he had a really big announcement to make and told us that...hey, Yuki? Where’d you get those rings?” As he related the “fascinating” tale of his day, Shuuichi had glanced down to Eiri’s hands and noticed that in addition to the clunky silver ring he usually wore he was also wearing two smaller silver rings that matched each other, one on each of his ring fingers.

“A store,” Eiri replied dryly, carefully disguising his tone to hide the fact that he had butterflies dancing in his stomach. He hadn’t expected Shuuichi to notice the rings so quickly. He had wanted to get a chance to work up the courage he needed for what he was planning to do, but Shuuichi had cut his chance to mentally steel himself drastically short.

Shuuichi lifted one of Eiri’s hands to his face to scrutinize the new piece of jewelry more closely. “Wow, they’re really pretty. But why did you get two of the same one?”

Eiri took in a deep breath. Dammit, he really had to go through with this now. He still wasn’t entirely convinced that he wasn’t about do to something incredibly stupid, but he had reached the point of no return. “Do you want one?”

Shuuichi blinked innocently. “Eh?”

Eiri let out his breath in a sigh. Maybe it was a little easier to do this while Shuuichi didn’t understand what was going on. He took his hand back from his lover and removed the ring from his left hand. “Here, I’ll give one to you.” He grabbed Shuuichi’s left hand and carefully slipped the ring onto the younger man’s ring finger.

Shuuichi’s heart began to beat out of control. With Eiri being lower than him because he was still sitting in his desk chair, the scene looked very much like a man bent down on one knee to make a proposal. The way Eiri was placing the ring on his finger only seemed to further confirm this suspicion. Was this really happening? He wanted to ask Eiri exactly what his intentions were in giving him this ring, but he was sure that he would just tell him to shut up if he asked. Shuuichi watched as Eiri slipped the ring all the way onto his finger...and then saw it promptly slide right back off. He laughed, looking a bit embarrassed. “I guess it’s a little too big for me.”

Eiri looked at the ring that was once again in his hand and took Shuuichi’s left hand again. “Damn brat, can’t even wear a ring right.” He slid the ring onto Shuuichi's middle finger, where it was a much more comfortable fit.

Shuuichi lifted his hand up, appreciating the way the ring twinkled in the light. He beamed at Eiri, who was blushing slightly and refusing to meet his lover’s eyes. Shuuichi pulled the older man into a bear hug. “Thank you, Yuki.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now, get the hell out of my office. I’ve got a deadline coming up.” Eiri listened to the gleeful skipping of Shuuichi as he bounded out of the room. As soon as he heard the door click closed, he let out a huge sigh of relief and quickly pulled out a cigarette. He had never been so nervous before in his whole life, and now he was glad it was over. He was more than a little surprised that Shuuichi hadn’t asked him what the rings were for, but at the same time he was relieved that he hadn’t been made to answer that question, as he wasn’t entirely sure himself. Eiri had wanted to do something to show Shuuichi that he loved him since he still found himself incapable of saying the words. The rings he had bought were, in fact, wedding bands, and he knew there was really only one reasonable interpretation to be made of the two of them wearing such rings. However, since the two of them couldn’t legally get married, it was possible that they could symbolize a dedication that wasn’t necessarily the same as marriage. He knew he loved Shuuichi, but did he really want to say he felt like they were married? It was a bit nerve-wracking to think about dedicating the rest of his life to being with one person. Still, despite his conflicting feelings about the meaning of the rings, he had gone ahead and bought them anyway. The two of them could work out the meaning later.

Eiri focused his attention on the screen of his laptop once more. This was no time to be wondering about his relationship with Shuuichi, he had a deadline to meet.

It was around 4AM when Eiri finally finished his manuscript. Not too bad, since he’d been expecting to have to pull an all-nighter. He left his office and heard the sound of the television emanating from the living room. Couldn’t Shuuichi ever bother to turn things off? When he got to the living room he found that Shuuichi was still there, sleeping on the couch with his face nestled against the hand that bore his new ring. ‘That’s gonna leave a mark.’ He looked at the TV screen and was a little surprised to see his own face staring back at him. It was an interview he had done a few months earlier, and he was talking with the interviewer about his latest book. The look on the woman’s face clearly showed that she was dying to ask him the inevitable question that everyone always wanted to hear about ever since he had come out on national television.

“And what about your relationship with Shindou-san of Bad Luck? How are things going between the two of you?”

“It is what it is. That’s really all I have to say about it.”

He always gave the same kind of non-committal answer whenever he was asked this question. It was really no one else’s business. He turned off the TV and grabbed his lover’s hand. “Come on, Shuuichi, let’s go to bed.”

All he got in reply was a whiny groan. Shuuichi showed no signs of moving under his own free will, and Eiri was too tired to carry him to the bedroom. He could have easily just left him there, but he really didn't like sleeping alone anymore. Still holding the younger man’s hand, Eiri laid down on the couch next to him and promptly fell asleep.

Shuuichi was awakened a few hours later by the doorbell. The first thought that crossed his mind was how weird it was for Eiri to be sleeping so closely to him since he usually didn’t let Shuuichi snuggle with him all night. As he came to a little more he realized that they weren’t sleeping in their bed, but on the couch. The doorbell rang again and Shuuichi carefully maneuvered himself out of Eiri’s grip so as not to wake the gorgeous sleeping man. He opened the door to find his best friend standing before him. “Hey, Hiro. Whatcha doing here so early in the morning?”

“Well, it is almost time for work, Shuuichi. I was out doing some stuff nearby so I thought I’d swing by and pick you up.”

“Oh, okay. Just give me a few minutes to get ready.” Shuuichi rushed off to change his clothes and clean up a bit. As he passed through the living room on his way to the door, he stopped by the couch. “I’m going to work now, Yuki. See you when I get home.” He turned to leave but was stopped when Eiri reached up and grabbed his wrist.

“Wait, Shuu-chan...”

Shuuichi knew that Eiri must talking in his sleep. The only times he ever called him Shuu-chan were when he was either asleep or drunk...really, really drunk. He smiled down at his lover. How could a man who was so prickly when he was awake be so unbelievably adorable when he slept? “What is it, Yuki?”

“The ice cream...it’s all melting...”

“Don’t worry, honey, I’ll put it all back in the freezer.”

Eiri smiled in his sleep. “Thanks, baby.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” Shuuichi felt like squealing as blood began to seep from his nose. Eiri was just too cute to resist. He felt like blowing off work and just spending the whole day having crazy sex with his lover.

“Hey, Shuuichi, you coming or what?”

Shuuichi sighed. “Yeah, Hiro, I’ll be right there.” He turned back to Eiri and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. “I love you. See you later.” He finally made his way back to the front door. “Okay, I’m ready now.”

Hiro’s eyes drifted down to the twinkle emanating from the object adorning Shuuichi’s left hand “Hey, where’d you get the new hardware?”

Shuuichi blushed as he looked down at his ring. “Yuki gave it to me, in a sort of roundabout way. He’s got one, too.”

Hiro’s eyes widened. “Whoa, so does that mean you guys are, like, hitched now?”

Shuuichi rubbed his head in embarrassment. “Well, I’m not exactly sure.”

Hiro nearly fell over. “What?! You mean you didn’t even ask him what it was for?”

The shorter man began to twiddle his thumbs. “Well, I know he’s shy about sharing his feelings and stuff. I don’t think he would have told me even if I did ask. I figure he’ll tell me when he’s ready whether he intends for this to be a wedding ring or an engagement ring or something else entirely. I just have to wait for that day.”

“Yeah, right,” Hiro scoffed. “I’m sure you’ll be hounding him about it in less than a week.” The two of them made their way to where Hiro’s motorcycle was parked outside and rode off to the studio together.

Eiri woke up when he heard the familiar rumble of a motorcycle engine outside his window. He realized he was now alone on the couch. “Little brat could have at least woken me up to tell me he was leaving,” Eiri grumbled. Now that he was awake, he might as well get ready before Mizuki arrived to pick up his manuscript. He wandered into the kitchen to get something to eat. For some reason, he was craving ice cream.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It had been almost a week since then, and Eiri still wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted their rings to symbolize, and amazingly enough Shuuichi still hadn’t asked him about it. Things would probably become a lot clearer for both of them over the course of their trip to New York. The main purpose of going was to visit Yuki’s grave, and Eiri knew that Shuuichi would probably be blown away by what he planned to do while they were there. It would be difficult for him, but it was something he needed to do for Shuuichi’s sake. It was time for him to start thinking about what was most fair to the young man who loved him more than anything in the world.

* * * * * * * * * *

Spazz: Amazing...how long do you think I can wade through this fic without anything of substance happening? Two chapters in and they still haven’t even gotten off the fucking airplane yet! But at least at the end you get a teaser for stuff that’s gonna happen in future chapters. Now, what big thing is Yuki-sama planning to do at Kitazawa’s grave?

Shuuichi: Uh, dig up his skeleton and beat up his bones?

Spazz: Nice try, Shuu-chan, but no. That would be...kinda disturbing.

Eiri: Whatever. As long as something finally happens.

Spazz: Well, the visit to Kitazawa’s grave won’t actually happen for a couple more chapters. You’ve still got some more flashbacks to get through.

Eiri: Shit, do you really think I’m that fucking introspective?

Spazz: Wah, gomen! This is just how I planned the fic. Look on the bright side, next time you’ll get some sexy flashbacks!

Eiri: Finally, something worth reading.

Spazz: Anyway, please leave your reviews! I understand if some people may be a little annoyed since nothing’s really happened besides a bunch of shoujo-esque talk about feelings and shit, but I promise there will be a payoff to all of this eventually! Hopefully I’ll be able to get the next chapter out within a couple of weeks (and, believe it or not, this is the first time in more than seven years that I’ve put out the next chapter to a fic within two weeks. I guess it really did help to have nearly half of it written already ^_^). Bye bye!