Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Inspired ❯ Not Satisfied, But at the least, Accepting ( Chapter 20 )

Pairings: Ryu/Taki, Tatsuha/Shuichi and minuscule hint of Yuki/Suguru

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Taki has an inner struggle. Ryuichi talks to Tatsuha, leading to some jealous on the parts of their lovers. And Yuki, well… Read inside.

Note: Sammy aka, Kawaii Amethyst, did a really cool piece of Ryu/Taki fanart for me. She wants people to read her doujin really badly so she offered to draw a Taki pic for me every time I read a track.

Here's the Ryu/Taki pic:
http://kumagorou.250free.com/ryu-taki.jpg

And here's her doujin page: http://www.geocities.com/gravity_snowflake/doujin.html

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Taki knew that he was screwed up. He always had been, on many levels. After all, he was the product of his parents, both of whom were ambitious and sought wealth and status at any cost. His older brother had been the perfect son, just as ambitious and just as skilled. Taki could never measure up to that. Granted, he was intelligent enough, attractive and witty, but unless he put in the effort, he was never like his brother. Never enough for his parents.

Eventually he gave up on pleasing them. Taki only looked out for himself. And maybe Ma-kun and Ken. After that, he also decided to give up on school and he threw himself full heartedly into making ASK a success. His parents and his brother weren't happy with him, but Taki didn't care. After all, he was doing something he actually loved and he had his friends by his side. Plus, people finally acknowledged him.

Taki hadn't realized one thing though. He was still stained by that need to be the best at everything. He still needed that acceptance, that adoration. Even though he was now getting it from his fans, he still feared rejection. Maybe it was because he now knew what it was like to be praised for something you were good at. Maybe it was just in his blood. But, for what ever reason, he desired that.

The fear of not being accepted caused him to scorn any new friends or contacts. Woman became a mere means of physical satisfaction and a way to boost his ego and status. Taki scorned the very idea of any romantic relationships. He had seen what marriage aka commitment could end up like. Two people trapped in a living hell because they couldn't convince themselves to cut and run. He was determined to keep that from happening to him. Until, he met Ryuichi.

Somehow, a complete buffoon had gotten him to lower his barriers. This ditzy idiot had managed to convince Taki that it would be okay to go for it. Well, deep down Ryuichi wasn't ditzy, but that was besides the point. Somehow Ryuichi had gotten Taki to do something incredibly stupid. He'd gotten the younger man to form an attachment. A big one. And that was at the root of Taki's problems right now.

It was clear that his feelings for Ryuichi were more then mere attraction or friendship. After all, he had never thought about any other guys that way and as for friends, he didn't need anymore than what he had. Well, if he really thought about it, he knew he was lying to himself on both accounts. But, that wasn't the point. The point was… [Do I love him?]

Taki had been spending all of yesterday and this morning thinking about it, but couldn't come up with a good answer. Or maybe he was too afraid to admit what the answer was. He couldn't decide, even though the little box in his hand was asking for a decision. Finally, he just decided to head out to work, taking the box with him. Even though a part of him was afraid of running into Ryuichi after yesterday, it wouldn't be so bad to see him either. At least he could apologize for snapping at the older man.

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When Shuichi came into work, he was surprised to be handed a package by Tohma. "Uh, Seguchi-san, it isn't my birthday or anything." The president merely smiled and shook his head.

"No, it's not from me Shindou-san, it's from Ryuichi. He wanted to give it to you himself, but he had an important errand to run." Shuichi tore open the package to find a snow globe.

"Yes! Another one for my Ryuichi snow globe collection!" Shuichi said as he hugged the snow globe tightly. Tohma groaned inwardly, reminded of another fan…

"Oh, Shindou-san, how are things going with Tatsuha?" Shuichi's words of love to his snow globe were silenced and he looked down, blushing.

"Well, they're going great. I'm just hoping that things will settle down soon." Tohma couldn't help but smile to himself. Shuichi really acted like Eiri when he was young sometimes. And speaking of Eiri, Tohma now realized just how out of luck the novelist was. The way the boy was acting about Tatsuha was much like the way he had acted when he was first with Eiri. It caused the president to suddenly feel a little vindictive.

"Well, then, I guess I don't have to worry about Ryuichi visiting him today. I mean if things are going so well-" There was a thunking noise as Shuichi dropped his snow globe.

"Why would he do that?" The pink-haired boy was trying to hide his fear, which increased Tohma's pleasure.

"He wanted to apologize to Tatsuha. He felt really guilty about something that had happened and wanted to…" Tohma trailed off as he saw the boy race out the door. "Hmm. So predictable." He didn't mean any harm to Shindou, he was just upset that Eiri had been hurt like this. It wouldn't hurt Shindou to worry a little.

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The last thing Taki needed as he walked into N-G Studios was to bump into Shuichi Shindou. The collision resulted in them falling into an ungainly heap. Taki wasn't in a state to even yell at the brat and proceeded to untangle himself from Shindou. But, apparently that wasn't fast enough for his rival.

"I don't have time to deal with you, droopy eyes! I have to keep Ryuichi away from Tatsuha!" Taki didn't comprehend what had been said right away, just that Ryuichi's name had been mentioned. After a few minutes though, the rest followed.

"What!?" Taki shouted, grabbing Shuichi by the shoulder and hoisting the boy up. The boy merely squirmed, trying to get Taki to let go so he could keep the unholy and unsafe meeting from happening. Apparently though, the older vocalist had different plans.

"Let me go! I have to stop them! Tatsuha's weak! Who knows what he will do?" Shuichi felt Taki's grip tighten on his shoulder and then felt himself being shook.

"What the hell do you mean? Are you trying to say that Ryuichi's possibly alone with that stupid punk!"

"Yeah! Now let me go! Now!" The teenager suddenly felt the grip on his shoulder loosen. But, before Shuichi could get moving though, Taki grabbed him again, this time by the wrist and began dragging him off. "Damn it! This is kidnapping!"

Shuichi began to kick and scream, but no one seemed to notice. He even struggled when he was dumped into Taki's car. Shuichi was struggling so hard, he didn't even think to make a break for it while the other vocalist got into the driver's seat.

Taki didn't say anything to the loud, hyper mass until he had turned the ignition on. "Hey-"

"I'll tell! I swear I will! You won't get away with this!" Before the brat could interrupt him again, Taki turned on the radio and tuned it in to the most awful song he could find. He then turned it up full blast. It took only a few moments for the brat to clamp both hands over his ears. Taki turned it down, feeling satisfied. Shindou opened his mouth as if to complain, only Taki beat him to it first.

"Stop your whining and tell me where to find that stupid punk Tatsuha."

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Tatsuha wanted to die. He was stuck searching through old finical records, in an office that had no air conditioning. It seemed his boss had decided to punish Tatsuha with isolation. Isolation from the stares of lovely secretaries.

"This job sucks. What was I thinking? I can't do this! I'm useless!" Tatsuha laid his head down on the desk, hoping he could disappear.

And the worst thing is, what if Shuichi didn't really care? What if this was just a break from Yuki and the boy decided to run back to him? Tatsuha didn't want to think about that. He wanted Shuichi. Not in the same way he had wanted Ryuichi either. He didn't know how to explain it any better then that. All he knew was that for some reason, he felt serious about Shuichi.

The boy also knew that he was very afraid of being rejected. And he usually didn't care about being rejected. His view of life had always been, "you win some, you lose some." Tatsuha had been disappointed too many times in his life. So he had decided to give up on caring and had chosen to party his life away. Well, until now anyways…

A slight creaking noise alerted his attention. Warily, Tatsuha lifted his head, wondering what they wanted from him now. And he nearly fell out of his seat when he saw Ryuichi leaning over his desk, a slight smile on the singer's face.

"Hi, Tatsuha! Long time, no see! What are you doing? Are you really working? That's so cool! You look really good in that suit!" Ryuichi was babbling as if nothing had changed, which was really, really disturbing the teenager.

"Uh, Ryuichi, what are you doing here?" Tatsuha finally managed to stammer out. The older man froze and nervously scratched his head, then suddenly pulled out a small bundle.

"I was in London and got everyone presents. This one's for you." Ryuichi handed it over a little nervously. Tatsuha received the package hesitantly, wondering why Ryuichi would bother giving it to him. He opened it up to find… A T-shirt. With nothing on it.

"I see that you still suck at getting people presents." Tatsuha grinned slightly, causing Ryuichi to look down. The tenseness in the room was thick at that moment.

"Yeah, well, that's all I could think of. So I'll be going…" Ryuichi was about to leave when suddenly he stopped. "Tatsuha, before I go, I really need to talk to you."

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Shuichi glared at Taki as he lay hunched up in the passenger seat. His shoulder hurt and his ears were ringing. The moment he had told Aizawa the location, the man had speed out of the parking lot and told his passenger to shut the hell up or else.

Shuichi really wondered how all this had happened. No, he knew how it had happened. It was all the driver's fault. It was Taki Aizawa's fault that he had broken up with Yuki and was now with Tatsuha. Which might not necessarily be a bad thing, but it was a sudden thing and the boy was feeling overwhelmed.

"Hey, brat." Shuichi glanced over his shoulder at Taki and glared.

"What?"

"I want to know what you and that "monk" have against me and Ryuichi." Taki was keeping his eyes on the road, acting as if it was very simple thing he was asking.

"Well, I want to know what you have against me." Taki cocked an eyebrow but said nothing. Shuichi got annoyed with the silent treatment and decided to provoke the other vocalist some more. "I think someone's jealous."

Taki merely snickered as if that was preposterous. "Fuck you. You're just an imitation of Ryuichi… And a very crappy one at that."

"Oh, shut up. I don't hear anyone talking about you…" Shuichi trailed off as he realized what a load of crap that was. He knew that ASK was highly thought of and well respected. "Besides, I've got more publicity then you…" That was true at least.

"All because you're sleeping with blondie." Taki muttered, still focused on the road.

"No! And besides I'm sleeping with Tatsuha now…" The pink-haired vocalist trailed off yet again, knowing he had made a serious blunder.

"Oh, that's why you were running out of there…" Taki was laughing to himself, then suddenly his face took on a deadly set. "You should learn to control your toys. If he does anything to Ryuichi, I'll have to cause some permanent damage to him." A very creepy look crossed Taki's face.

Shuichi's heart sank, realizing that things had gotten complicated yet again. [Shit. Tatsuha, you better not do anything stupid.]

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"Tatsuha, Shuichi said you like me. As in, love. Is that true?" Ryuichi was looking Tatsuha in the eye and the singer was very serious. Tatsuha looked away, blushing a little and then nodded.

"Yeah, I guess you could said I was in love…" There was a loud noise as Ryuichi's hands slammed on the desk.

"Why didn't you tell me? Were you only being my friend so that you could get a piece of me, or…" Ryuichi quietly seethed for a moment. Tatsuha swallowed, hoping he didn't make this sound as bad as it was.

"I did want to become friends just so that I could um, do certain things with you." Tatsuha really wished Ryuichi would stop glaring at him like that. "And well, if I told you, would you have wanted me? And could we have still remained friends." There was silence for a few minutes, before Ryuichi looked down, looking a little depressed.

"No, I would've rejected you. You're a little too young for me and even if you weren't, I just can't think of you that way. But, we could have remained friends-"

"No we couldn't. I wouldn't have allowed that. I still would've tried to manipulate the situation. You know that." Tatsuha looked at Ryuichi sternly, causing the older man to flinch.

"So, we can't hang out like we used to then. Well, then, I guess I'll be going…" Ryuichi turned around to leave and to hide his tears. Before he could go though, he felt a hand on his sleeve.

"Wait a moment. You haven't heard me out all the way. In the past, yes, we couldn't have been friends. But, this is the present, and I have something to take my mind off of things. Something named Shuichi…" Ryuichi's eyes goggled. [Shuichi? Did he go and switch obsessions… Wait a moment, he said we can still be friends!] Ryuichi glomped onto Tatsuha happily.

"You mean, we can be friends? For real! Everything's all right?" Tatsuha nodded, causing Ryuichi to hug him even tighter. "I'm so happy! And here I was so scared to talk to you and stuff, and…" Ryuichi's eyes widened as he felt a hand squeezing his rear end. He whapped Tatsuha upside the head, causing the teen's head to fly back.

"Sorry! Force of habit!" Seeing that Ryuichi was still glaring at him, Tatsuha decided to make up a few more excuses. "Really, my body moved on it's own. It's a reflex! And you're the one hanging on me!"

"You slut!" Yelled a different voice and a very familiar one. The two looked to see Shuichi and Taki standing in the door way, both of them looking incredibly pissed.

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Yuki groaned as he opened his fridge to find nothing. During the last few days he had forgotten to shop and was now suffering the consequences. He closed the door and was surprised to see a note there.

Yuki-san,

Do you think you could come over to Tohma's for dinner? I figured it would be nice if we all ate together. Plus, I think it might liven things up for the both of us. And, I'll make sure to liven up things for Tohma as well.

Suguru-kun

Yuki scoffed, now sure that the boy's audacity had reached critical mass and needed to be squashed. Why would he want to go over to his sister's house? Though, it seemed that he had a little something planned for Tohma…

"Maybe I will go and see what this kid has up his sleeve."

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Taki had an arm around Ryuichi's waist, and was carrying the older man like a sack of rice. He waved to Shuichi, who had Tatsuha in a strangle hold. "Shindou-kun, I leave him in your hands."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, you prick." Tatsuha let out a blood curdling scream, obviously in pain.

"Back at you, stupid punk." Taki grinned as he slammed the door shut. There were a bunch of office workers staring at them in concern. " Keep on staring you miserable stooges. You should be glad that you get to be in my presence for free." Taki walked out of the office, with Ryuichi still dangling from his arm. It was only when they were outside of the building that the younger man set him down.

Ryuichi shook his head, still in complete and utter shock. "Taki, what are you-"

"What the hell were you doing with him?" Taki looked absolutely furious.

"It's not what you think! I was just talking to him about some things! We're just friends, that's all!" Taki's eyes narrowed, causing Ryuichi to flinch. [Oh man, this looks so bad. He's going to dump me for sure. I've made him so…] And at that moment, a light bulb went on, causing Ryuichi to smirk.

"What are you smiling about?" Taki hissed through his clenched teeth.

"You're jealous, aren't you?" Ryuichi was giggling, holding a hand to his mouth. Taki froze, his face flushing.

"I am not! I just can't believe you'd hang around some pervert unless there was something in it for you." Taki really couldn't meet Ryuichi's gaze right now. He was jealous and had instantly come running, like some love sick little idiot.

Ryuichi's smile grew even wider, and he latched on to Taki's arm. "Hey, it's okay to be jealous. Though you look really cute when you're embarrassed about it as well." He leaned his head against Taki's arm and lay there for a moment, a content look on his face.

"I bet you're probably used to people being jealous over you…" Taki scoffed, still feeling annoyed that he had ended up looking like such a dork.

"Hey, Taki…"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have the answer yet?"

"Yes, and no. I just know that I… Shit, I don't know how to say it." Ryuichi tugged on Taki's hand suddenly. [How do I tell you that I want to be near you without losing my pride?]

"Taki, just one thing: are we okay?" He looked up at the younger man, worried.

"Yeah, we're good. Just… I don't know what to do in a relationship either, okay?" Taki was massaging his forehead, feeling pissed off at himself. "I must seem like such a fickle bastard right now." Ryuichi just laughed, holding Taki tighter.

"You're not fickle. You're just difficult. That's not such a bad thing. If anyone's fickle, it's me." Ryuichi noted a slight lump in one of Taki's pockets. He slowly removed the present he had given Taki. "Hey, Taki… Open it right now." Taki grabbed the box from Ryuichi and looked down into the glowing face.

He slowly unwrapped it, swearing he could feel Ryuichi's anticipation. [The way he's acting, you'd think it was him getting the present.] He finally removed the last of the wrapping to reveal a watch.

"What kind of souvenir is this?"

"It's a watch." Ryuichi was grinning from ear to ear. "I know it's not what people usually get from souvenirs, but this since this was the first present I was going to get you, I wanted it to be nice. Put it on." Taki did as he was told and moved his wrist around, looking at it. "Wow, it looks really good on you."

Taki rolled his eyes, still unable to believe how quickly things were now back to 'normal.' Or rather, this new pseudo-normal state that Ryuichi had thrown his life into. "Of course it does. I look good in anything." [Shit. Now I have to get him something.] "Hey Ryuichi, When's your birthday?"

"Hmm, in April." The singer replied, now staring off into space, happily dazed. "Why?"

"No reason. How about we go to your place." [What can I give him?]

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Tatsuha was tossed into the apartment, followed by an angry Shuichi and a slamming of the door. "Ow! Will you stop being such a bitch! I already told you it was nothing!" The moment Tatsuha had been left alone with Shuichi, everything had turned into messy havoc. The horrible commotion resulted in him getting fired. Or rather suspended. It turned out that management was a little hesitant about getting rid of Mika Seguchi's brother.

"Take off the fucking suit now." Shuichi hissed. Tatsuha did a take and smirked.

"Whatever you say, my little Shuichi…" He grinned as he began to remove his tie, only to be smacked in the head by a shoe.

"In the bedroom. I want you in your regular clothes." Tatsuha was about to protest, but he could tell the Shuichi wasn't fooling around with him. Grumbling to himself he went and did what he was told. When he came back out, he was wearing a T-shirt and jeans.

"Happy now?" Shuichi walked around him, looking him over as if he was some sort of art display. Finally, the older teen sighed, as if relieved.

"Thank god. That suit just looked wrong on you."

"What?" Before he could demand an explanation though, Shuichi was once more giving him a stern look.

"Now tell me why you got that job. For real."

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To Be Continued…

Yuki, Suguru and Dinner at Tohma's… What can go wrong here? Meanwhile, Shuichi realizes that he must convince Tatsuha that he's not second rate. But, to do that he must confront his past with Yuki. And Taki tries to figure out how to make things up to Ryuichi.