Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ My Suicide ❯ My Suicide ( Chapter 1 )

Dear Eiri,

 

By the time you find this letter, I'll be gone. You won't need to look for me. You'll already know where I'm at.

 

I'm sorry that things had to turn out this way, I truly am, but I couldn't think of another alternative. I'm sorry. For everything. The pain, the anger . . . the lies.

 

I never meant to lie to you, Eiri. I want you to know that. And I want you to know that this isn't your fault. It won't ever be your fault. If anyone's to blame, it's me. I just couldn't see what was so wrong until it was too late. Please, please forgive me.

 

Oh, and I'm sorry about the sedative I gave you, but I needed the time. I can't have you stopping me, Eiri. It's better off this way. In time, you'll realize it, too. Don't stop living because of me. You know I wouldn't want that for you. You are the most precious person in the world to me and you know it. So please don't stop living, whatever you do.

 

Please watch over Hiro for me. This is going to hurt him as much as it will you. If anyone knew me well at all, it was you two. You two have been amazing to me, more than what I really deserve.

 

And tell my parents that I love them and that I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone.

 

I love you, Eiri. Always and forever, I love you. It just had to end this way. I don't want to be saved, it isn't worth it. I'm sorry.

 

Love, Shuichi

 

- - -

 

Eiri drew in a ragged breath as he read the note for the fifth time. He wanted to crumple it up, shred it, throw it out, anything but sit there and re-read it over and over. However, he couldn't bring himself to do anything with the letter. It was the last message he'd ever have from Shuichi.

 

The vocalist had spoken the truth. By the time Eiri had found the letter, he didn't have to go looking for his lover. Shuichi's body had been discovered on the roof by one of the security guards for the building. The singer had taken some kind of sharp object - the guard hadn't said what - and rammed it into his throat then slowly bled out.

 

“Stupid, stupid Shuichi,” he whispered, his eyes watering as they read the words once more. “Why? What was going on? What weren't you telling me?”

 

Something about the situation did not feel right to Eiri. Though his mind was clouded with grief, he still possessed enough coherency to know something was off. Most suicidal people who left notes wanted to be found, they wanted someone to stop them. If someone stopped them then they knew that they were cared about, loved. He knew because he'd written one himself, shortly after the incident with Kitazawa. Shuichi had not wanted to be found, had even gone as far as drugging Eiri to ensure that he wouldn't be, yet he had left a note. Why? Why had he taken his own life? Why had he left a note if he intended to go through with killing himself? It didn't make any sense! Everything was going very well for Shuichi. He had so much to live for! Eiri would have known if there was something wrong. The vocalist had never been that difficult to read and Shuichi talked about everything that went on in his life. What lies had he felt he told Eiri?

 

Eiri let out another ragged sigh then kissed the letter. Nothing about the situation made sense, but there was someone out there who knew something. Eiri knew it, felt it in the pit of his stomach.

 

“Don't worry, Shuichi. I'll find out what was wrong and I'll do what I can to make it right. I promise.”