Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Narcissism ❯ 01 ( Chapter 1 )

Hello, and welcome to my absurd attempts at fanfiction. Reviews are welcome, but not necessary, and criticism is accepted, provided that it's poignant and grammatically correct. I would like to state here and now that Maki Murakami owns all, and I am an empty shell of a human being compared. Thanks for reading.

 

Chapter 1

 

“Tohma is going to be very angry with me.” I murmured softly to Kumagoro, rubbing between his ears. “Very mad indeed, and we know what Tohma is like when he's mad. I hope he'll still be my friend.” Kuma-chan nodded sagely, and I inferred from his gestures that he thought that Tohma wouldn't stop being friends with me over something so… trivial. Even though Kuma-chan didn't approve of my behavior either, I knew he didn't, looking up at me with such disappointed eyes. No longer able to keep his gaze, I mean, I was ashamed too, I picked up the phone and twirled the cord a few times because I liked the way the plastic loops felt between my fingers. Eventually I dialed. The number pad on the phone felt smooth and cool between my fingers, like how it feels to dip your hand into a barrel full of ball bearings. It was nice that the man behind me wasn't in a hurry; when I'd been in this situation before there was somebody behind me who was in an awful rush, and I'd barely been able to talk to Tohma at all. I suppose this particular man didn't speak up because of who I was, and I felt a bit guilty that sometimes being a super-gigantic-big-humungo star made people do things for me. Things that they wouldn't normally do for just anybody.

A sleepyhead voice picked up the phone, and another, more feminine voice made a groaning sound in the background. I smiled. I love the sound of Tohma's voice when he wakes up, all confused and mussed and soft, but kind of craggy. It's the sound he makes before he has to be a big shot record executive, and the same voice he had when I met him. I love that voice, and sometimes I call him real early for no reason at all just to hear it. I had a reason this time though, I recalled quickly, and I spoke up.

“Good morning Tohma!!” I said, mostly excited but kind of tired.

“Ryuichi.” He replied in return. “What's going on? You don't normally call me,” I could practically hear him check the clock next to his bed, “at two o'clock in the morning.”

“Tohma, when you're just awake, you sound like an angel.” I sighed into the receiver. I could hear him smile. He always smiles for me, even when I'm being bad. I think he thinks my antics are funny, even when they make him lose sleep. I guess that's why I love him so much. He's the most patient person I know. Or, well, he's the most patient person when it comes to me.

“Did you call just to talk, Ryu, because Mika's sleeping… trying to sleep, and if you need to talk I'll use one of the rooms down the hall.”

I frowned a little. “Oh, well um, you see, we're in a bit of a situation, Kuma-chan and I, and we need Tohma's help because, um, because of the situation.” He went silent. Like, the kind of silence just before you're about to get eaten by a panther.

“Ryuichi… this, this isn't like the last time you needed my `help' is it? Ryuichi?”

I frowned, feeling very, very sorry. “It's… probably just a teeny, tiny bit worse.” He sighs, frustrated, and I bet he smoothes a hand through his hair. I can always tell when he's thinking, because that's what he does. He puts one of his beautiful, soft hands through his baby-soft hair and traces it through. Did I mention how much I love Tohma?

“How much worse?” he asks, sounding disappointed, but unsurprised.

I begin very quickly. “Well, we went to a costume shop this time, and then once he put it on I couldn't think very well and we-“

Tohma cuts me off. “Okay, I get it, I get it. Ryuichi, are you drunk?”

I pout. “Maybe a little. Not that much. I wasn't driving this time!”

“Is Kumagoro with you?”

I reply with a soft “Yeah,” and he makes a disappointed sound.

“Imagine how Kumagoro must feel, being dragged into this all the time. Ryuichi, this… isn't healthy. Maybe you should start seeing Dr.-“

I glare at the wall. “No. That is not what we need. Dr. Almerya did NOT know what she was talking about, and we are mad at her, so we aren't going to talk to her ever again.” He gets angry.

“Ryuichi! This is the second time- granted, there have probably been other times that you haven't needed “Tohma's special help”, -that you've done this. Within the past two months, no less. After this last time, Tohma isn't going to help you out, so find someone else to do it! If you're going to keep doing this to yourself, I'm not going to- Jesus Ryu, you're like a drug addict! Do you honestly think I'm going to keep handing you money and means to keep up with your habit?!”

I whimper, and whisper softly into the receiver. “Is… Is Tohma still Ryuichi's friend? Is,” I choke back a sob, but he can tell I'm crying. “Is Tohma mad at Ryu-chan?”

He sighs again. “Yes. Tohma is very, VERY angry with Ryu-chan, especially since Ryu-chan is drunk, and trying to make him feel bad by pulling this whole crying bullshit and talking like he's four years old. Listen Ryuichi; you haven't stolen cookies from the cookie jar. You're in deep, and you're trying to take advantage of our friendship. And yes, I'm still your friend, and I'm going to help you one last time, but this is it. Tohma is feeling very used, and very, very tired, and while he's on his way to pick you up, you should think about all the things you can do to make it up to him, alright?” I nod, tears gone, and using his secret I-can-see-you-through-the-phone powers, he replies. “Good. Where are you?”

I give him the address, and he gives me a short goodbye before hanging up the phone. I hate short goodbyes, and I know that Tohma knows that I hate short goodbyes, so I feel bad that I've made Tohma that angry. I smile at the man behind me. He smiles back. I decide that I like him. “May I wear you hat, Mr. Policeman Sir?” He sighs, and plops his hat down on my head.

“You're really drunk, aren't you kid?” I blush, and his hat falls over my eyes. He laughs a little, before shaking his head. “Don't think I'm going easy on you. You broke the law. This is a serious charge.” He takes his hat back and I frown. “Besides which, you're pretty famous, right? You should be worried about your image.”

“Tohma will take care of it for me.” I say matter-of-factly.

“That's a pretty shitty thing to do to your friend.” He tells me in the same tone.

“Do I have to go back to my cell?” I ask, giving him my best adorable look.

“Yup.” He says, giving me a stern look.

I sigh, and he locks me back up again. I get to sit on one of the benches, putting space between the dirty looking man who's asleep on the floor, and the really built guy who's giving me a funny look. I kind of have to pee, but I'll wait until later, because I'm afraid of the urinal. At least I'll have time to reflect on the bad things I've done. Even though, in my mind, I'm kind of happy that I did them, because it was better than doing the other things I wanted to do.

I guess it started with a night a few months back, though I can't really remember the details. I'd been partying, because that's just what I do when I'm upset, mainly for the fact that Mika's pregnant and Tohma's not going to be in Grasper anymore. Oh, did I fail to mention that my best friend in the entire world has DITCHED me for his kid?! Alright, alright, I overreacted a little bit when he first told me, and once I stopped crying at him and calmed down enough to listen, I discovered, as per usual, that he was probably right in wanting to retire Grasper when he did. We were reigning supreme at the top of the charts, except for the times when Bad Luck managed to knock us down a peg, but Nittle Grasper was still the king when it came to the Japanese market, and it made sense for Tohma to want to leave the music business without fizzling out and never being heard from again. Our farewell concert was also pretty spectacular too, and I don't think I've ever seen an audience look so happy or so sad all at once. There were people literally sobbing right in the front row. The audience was full of such raw emotion; it was nice to know that I could still move people after all these years with the gift of music alone. It was one of those moments that get burned into the underside of your eyelids for the rest of your life.

I knew for a fact that Tohma had every right for wanting to actually be present for all the important things that will come from having a baby, but that doesn't mean I felt any better about it. I was going to go from seeing Norkio and Tohma every day, to hardly seeing them at all, and since K was on permanent loan to Bad Luck… I was feeling pretty lonely. My feet got to walking once I left the club, and all of a sudden I was in front of Shuichi's apartment. Honestly, I don't even know how or why I got there, but I was feeling a little woozy and a lot cold, so I knocked on his door. I guess it was late, because I heard a little whimpering noise from inside, and then someone was coming to the door, but something fell over and there was cursing and a door opened and there was some whispered yelling, and then Eiri threw open the door in his pajama pants.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he asked me with the same angry-tired eyes he always has.

I gave him a sunny smile. “Is Shuichi here?” I look closer and notice that his pants have little ducks on them. There was a sound from inside the apartment, and Shuichi poked his head out from behind Eiri.

“Sakuma-san?” he asked, mostly confused, but he also looked a little bit afraid of how Eiri was going to react.

I saw him and I couldn't resist, Eiri be damned. I pounced like a jackrabbit, only less likely to hump something. “Shuichi!!! We've missed you very much!” Eiri looked down at us, pinched his nose, looked heavenward, closed one door and slammed another. Shuichi detangled himself from me and turned on a dim light. I frowned. “Did Ryuichi and Kumagoro make Eiri very mad with Shu-chan?”

Shuichi yawned, like baby animals yawn, and rubbed at his eyes. I wanted to melt, but I settled for staying on the floor. “No,” he replied. “Yuki's just… tired. I'm sure he'll be fine in the morning.”

I smiled up at him. “But still perpetually grumpy?”

He smiled back. “Do you want to make popcorn or something? We can talk on the couch.” I have to hand it to Shuichi; he's brilliant when he wants to be. About five minutes later we're covered in blankets and popcorn, mainly because we're messy and Yuki keeps his apartment like the crypt. Or better yet, like a museum. Don't touch anything, always chilly. Anyway, we just talk, for like, three hours, and he's really tired and I'm still kind of drunk, until he starts talking to me about show business. I like Shuichi because he understands a lot of the things that nobody else does. I mean, Tohma is wonderful in many, many different ways, but there are some things I just can't talk to him about. Like my relationships. Or sex. Or Shuichi and Eiri. And he can't talk to me about Mika because she's his wife, and I don't really get the things that go on between those two. Sometimes I wonder why they're married, but he gives her looks sometimes, and I get a little glimpse into the “Why,” of it. I used to wonder about Tohma and Eiri, because Tohma is very close to him, which used to make me feel very funny inside, but then I found out about the evil Yuki who made Eiri sad, so I understand why Tohma feels so protective. I mean, Eiri is like his little brother, and if I had a little brother who was once like liquid sunshine, and somebody made him like that, I'd probably be upset for a very long time, like Tohma is. I've never felt quite right about the way Tohma and Eiri treat Shuichi, but there's little I can do to change how they feel, and I think that Eiri really does love him, but he's scared.

I know what it's like to be scared of being in love with somebody. See, when I was little, I lived near a toy store. I wasn't the richest kid in the whole world, not like I am now, so I'd go in and I pick up toys, and I wanted them so badly that I'd cry and scream for my parents to get them for me, but they just couldn't afford it. After a while, I stopped picking up toys, because that way I wouldn't have to love them. I guess I'll always love everything I touch, so it's hard to deal with people. When I met Tohma, it was the same. Every time I touched his shoulder, or took his hand, I got a little thrill from it. After we got to know each other really well, I used to give him hugs and sometimes, if nobody was looking, little kisses. I don't know when it happened, but I fell in love with him, and he was mine. I never told him because I would just die if I never saw him again, so when he met Mika…

I like Mika; I really do, because she is a wonderful person. It's just that, well, I kind of hate her sometimes. Tohma stopped being there for me all the time, so I started doing things. Bad things. Things that made Tohma cry, which I've only ever seen happen twice, so they were really, really bad. I finally told Tohma that I loved him, and he told me that he'd always love me too, but I couldn't have him to keep forever because it was selfish, and because our relationship didn't work that way. It hurt a lot, but then he gave me Kumagoro. It was his way of telling me that when he couldn't be by my side, at least I'd have someone who was. After a while, I figured out that it wasn't so much that I was in love with Tohma, but that I had somebody who belonged to me. That was about the time that Noriko joined up with Nittle Grasper, so…

I hurt her. I think I broke her heart. From the moment I first pounced on her and gave her a big hug, I wanted to keep her, except, well, I think she liked me too. Really, really liked me. So we flirted with each other for a while, and then she kissed me, and I kissed her, and all of a sudden we were in a relationship and I- I didn't want her anymore. I knew she was mine, so I… Don't misunderstand, I love Nori-chan, and I will always love Nori-chan, but she's like my big sister, looking out for me and fully prepared to hit me on the head and keep me on track. Actually, she's like everybody's big sister, from the way I've seen her act around other people, especially Shuichi. But I broke up with her, and because it's me, I did it in the most backward and garbled way possible, and I made her cry. A lot. Grasper didn't rehearse for months, until she just showed up one day, hit me hard in the face, and said, “Let's play.” I think Noriko is the strongest person I know, and I'm very glad we stayed friends. It would have hurt more if we hadn't, physically or otherwise.

After what happened to Noriko, I didn't want to make people feel the way I'd made her feel, and by then Nittle Grasper was huge, so it wasn't hard to stop attaching myself to people. If I ever got lonely, even though we were always on the road so I had my two best friends to talk to, when I felt like it I could usually just go out and pick someone up. It was kind of nice, actually, and once I figured out how, exactly, you're supposed to go about having sex, I started doing it all the time. It was fun. I used to see how many phone numbers I could get a night, and Tohma and I would compare notes. After a while, Noriko got in on it too, well, at least after she yelled at us for being “misogynistic pigs,” which I have yet to figure out the meaning of. Actually, once Nori got in on the game, when she was finally persuaded that getting people's phone numbers is both harmless and hilarious at the same time, she turned out to be the reigning champion. Though, to be fair, Tohma and I are severely lacking in the “huge pair of knockers” department, so I still think that she should get points deducted for being a hot girl in rooms full of sleazy, horny men.

Suffice to say I've been around the block more than once. Okay, a lot more, but only Kumagoro is counting and that's because he can be downright pervy when he puts his mind to it. Besides, it's a little bit hard to resist sex when people throw it at you like parade candy. I guess that's just the way fame goes though, people just assume that by sleeping with you they've suddenly got something to be proud of. After a while of being chased after by phonies, it's kind of refreshing to meet real people with genuine aspirations and intentions. Which is where Shuichi comes in, I suppose.

So there I was, sitting on his floor, when he suddenly starts asking me about how I'm doing. I mean, we'd talked about Yuki for a while, because he's pretty much the only thing Shuichi talks about, so I was surprised when the conversation was suddenly all about me. “Sakuma-san? I was wondering,” he said, fiddling with the tab on his soda.

“Yeah?” I slurred with a sideways smile.

“Um, well, I was wondering if you had anybody. I mean, like I have Yuki. Because I'm sure you have parents and relatives and friends and adoring fans and- and- Well, everyone just likes you, because, well, you're Ryuichi, but umm, don't you… it's just, don't you ever get lonely? Because, I mean, well, sometimes it's… hard. For me, anyway. Especially when Yuki's working and Hiro's with Ayaka, and there's just no talking to Suguru about private things because that would be really weird, but, you understand what I'm saying, right? Who do you talk to when you can't talk to anyone else?”

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if there was anything I could say, because, well, it had never really occurred to me that I was actually alone. I mean, Kumagoro is wonderful company when I'm feeling really low, but he's just not the same as having a real, warm, feeling person right in front of you. In fact, I don't know if I've ever had someone like that. I'm Sakuma Ryuichi, a god amongst mortals; I have people throwing themselves at me left and right, bowing down to be so lucky as to gain my attention for five minutes. But I… I'm kind of lonely. I have friends, I have casual sex, but nobody ever wants to stay with me. I don't have anyone to wake up next to, or to watch drift off to sleep, or the thousand other things I've never been able to do because that would constitute a relationship, and I'm not allowed to have those. I can't bring people home to keep because I'll get bored and throw them away. But I want to. I've never wanted anything more than that. Someone to come home to. There is only so many nights that I can take making dinner for one before I do something drastic. I just want to be able to touch someone and love them and keep them as my own forever, not as an ornament, but as someone who will do me the same kindness.

I don't exactly know when I started crying, but suddenly I was sobbing into Shuichi's shoulder, practically chanting, “Nobody loves me, nobody cares” into his newly dampened nightshirt. He wrapped his arms around me, and then he started crying because I was, and we simultaneously told each other our sob stories about how we both felt so neglected and alone. I have to admit, it was kind of pathetic on both of our parts, but it's comforting to find someone who knows just how you feel. I guess we both needed to let out some of the stuff we were holding in, and by the time Shuichi and I finished off a box and a half of tissues we were both feeling better, though a bit embarrassed. I sniffled once, and started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole situation, and before I knew it Shuichi and I were both rolling on the floor in hysterics. It was one of those laughs where it's just so funny that you laugh more than you breathe and your stomach hurts from the effort, and no matter how hard you try you just can't calm down. Usually only Noriko can make me laugh that way; after all, Tohma's still Tohma, and his jokes are way too serious and grown up for my taste. Tohma laughs the same way, gloved hand in front of his mouth, making little chuckling noises because he's way too dignified to laugh so hard he throws up a little.

That's about when Shuichi started tickling me. It was fun because I could tickle back, and we ended up half-wrestling on the floor, but before he knew what was happening I'd managed to pin him. We were both breathing hard, and he was still laughing, but all of a sudden it was like all thought had escaped me. His eyes are so big, and they're lovely and soft around the edges, and the color is like nothing I've ever seen before. All at once it's like dark blue glass and raspberry sherbet, swirls of the oddest purples and blues I've ever seen before. His eyelashes are long and graceful, and when you're up close you can practically hear the way the air moves through them, like sweeping aside a sheer curtain. His hair is soft; I expected it to be brittle and have split ends from the dye he uses, but that's just not the case. It feels like those few wisps of hair that babies get, downy and soft, and I briefly wonder what shampoo he uses. He smells like peonies, and for some reason I think of daisies even though I know from experience that daisies smell terrible, and they're two completely different plants. I think I associate him with daisies because they're clean and fresh and white in the midst of all the more elaborate plants, and even though they seem common they aren't. And daisies are always bright and sunny and ready to face the day, enthusiastic and cheerful and open to the sunlight. My eyes briefly wander to his lips; he's still panting, and he giggles nervously while I watch his tongue dart out of his mouth and trace the outside of them slowly.

“Sakuma san?” he asks, louder than I expected.

I can't stop watching his mouth. It's moving now, and I can see the pretty white rows of teeth behind his lips, and his tiny, wet, deft little tongue talking words at me from right behind them.

“Ummm, Ryuichi? Are you okay?”

I realize what I'm doing with a start, and jump off of him like he's on fire. Which gives me plenty of time to give him a once-over. I really didn't intend to check him out, it was just that, well, he stood up, and I was at just the right level to see all the good stuff. And yes, all of it was good. I find it funny that I hadn't noticed how attractive he was until right then, though I suppose that's the way it goes with your friends, right? I mean, sure, you know what they look like, but you never really look at them. And for once I was really looking at him and well, I liked what I saw. He's thin, thinner than most people, but he's thin in a fitting way. His arms are long, but still muscular, and he's got beautiful fingers. His chest isn't overly defined, at least from what I could tell through his shirt, but he's not in the least bit chubby. He straddles the line between having obvious muscles and not having any at all, and it looks pleasing and just… right for him. His knees are kind of knobby, but his legs are still shapely and almost pretty, and you can barely notice the fine blonde hairs all over them. His hips sway like a dancer's, and you can see the little bones jutting out just above his waistline, and his ass…

“Sakuma san, do you mind if I go and grab you some pajamas?”

Oh crap, I'm staring at his ass. His firm, lovely little- nonono, alright Ryuichi, you need to find something else to-

“Ryuichi?”

Oh CRAP I'm staring at his crotch. I can't stop. It's like… magnetic or something. My eyes are just glued to the space between his legs, and if I don't quit staring at it, then he's going to notice. But… if I look away too soon, he'll notice then, so what the hell am I supposed to do?!

I look up. “Hey, Shuichi?” I want to go back to looking at his crotch, but I manage to control myself.

“Yeah?” he asks, puzzled and obviously tired. I wonder if he has to work the next day. I also wonder what color underwear he's wearing. Mine are blue.

“You know what?” Look at it. Come on, you know you want to. Maybe you could ask him. But what if he doesn't wear any.

“What?” Oh God, now you HAVE to ask him. I can't imagine having any space for underwear in those tight little numbers he's always wearing. Come on, ask him. Ask him if he's wearing underwear.

“Ummm, are you, are you, are you aware that you can put different things for your eye color on driver's license applications?” I blurt out, tongue suddenly feeling far too large for my mouth.

“What?” he asks, genuinely puzzled.

“Well,” I reply. “It's just that your eyes are so different, you'd have to put something other than blue or brown or green on your application. I think they even have spots where you can put down pink or purple or orange, but yours are…” Underwear. “Yours are…”Maybe even a thong. “Different.” I finish, relieved and disappointed all at once.

He blinks a few times before answering. “I guess I never really thought about it.” He starts to laugh again, probably because I'm so completely off topic, and I join in and we just stay there like that. Or at least we do until we hear the bathroom door slam, and we realize that we're being really loud for four in the morning.

“We should probably go to bed.” Shuichi whispers, aware of the time.

I nod, but that doesn't mean I want to. I would much rather continue ignoring Eiri's existence and continue talking to Shuichi. Because at least I actually talk to him, right? And I'm nice to him, and he idolizes me, and we have so much in common that it's crazy that we're not-

No. I am NOT going to do this. Not to Shuichi. Shuichi, my friend. Who is involved. Involved with an emotionally damaged fruit and nut bar who just so happens to be the favorite of the fruit and nut bar who happens to be my best friend in the whole world. I can't do this, I really can't do this.

Shuichi leaves to get some nightclothes, and when he returns he's wearing skimpy little shorts and a loose tank top. So loose, in fact, that the neckline dips down, giving me a full view of his perky little nipple. I bite my lip. Hard.

“What are you doing?” he asks as I pile blankets on the floor, fully prepared to sleep there.

“I'm making a nest for Kumagoro and I.” I reply nervously.

“Don't you want to sleep with me?” Yes. Oh God yes. Repeatedly. “It's way cold in here, and besides, whenever I wake up on the floor my back hurts like heck, and the couch is big enough for both of us to sleep on.”

Two logical arguments, and I can't think of a way to say no without hurting his feelings. Because I'm pretty sure “I don't want to cuddle with you because I'm afraid I'll get an erection” isn't the excuse he really wants to hear with his boyfriend in the next room. Plus I'm his friend. Hell, I'm his mentor! And all he wants is some platonic comfort from someone who cares. Who is, at the moment, me. I don't even know why I'm thinking about things like this right now! I've never even considered Shuichi as anything other than someone who's completely huggable, in the same way I regard Tohma or Noriko. Or Kumagoro, for that matter. It's completely beyond me exactly why I've suddenly gone into a Shuichi-induced heat, but I have, so being the brilliant handler of situations that I am, I agree to spend the night with him on the couch.

It's hot, and he falls asleep snuggled into my chest, and I just lay there waiting for my hangover to kick in, watching him. He's cute; his lips do this pouty thing and he looks like he's deep in thought, and his brow gets all furrowed and he makes little noises. I'd laugh if it weren't turning me on. Well, okay, it's not so much that the way he sleeps is turning me on, because that would be weird, but just the fact that it's him and he's right next to me and… I want him. I want him, and I know I can't have him, so I just hold him in my arms for the whole night, because it's all I have.

Morning comes and I haven't slept, and he wakes up like a kitten, looking confused and slightly irked that someone had the gall to move him. It was me, actually, because my hand went numb about an hour ago and it was starting to hurt, but the pain was totally worth it. I briefly wonder if Eiri's seen us, because my whole world seems to have focused onto Shuichi so I really can't tell if he's up or not. I inhale deeply, and Shuichi nuzzles my chest and mumbles something. My breath hitches, but he probably just assumes that I was surprised, so he pulls away and gives me a smile.

“Sleep good?” he slurs. I love his morning voice.

“Yeah. Great. Kumagoro too.” I lie, and for some reason I feel bad about it. I don't like lying to him.

“Good,” he murmurs softly, before he gives a cute, high pitched little yawn, and stretches, his shirt riding up to the point that I can see his belly button. Then he gets up before I can convince him to stay with me a little longer, and he wanders in the direction of the fresh cigarette smoke. Which in this case, was the kitchen. I rub at my temples, my headache suddenly in full swing, and I hear soft talking from the kitchen. Shuichi's giggling, and I can hear Eiri's low drawl, but before long Shuichi leans up against the door.

“D'you want breakfast? Yuki just made some and-” he stops, and a long arm wraps around his middle, as Eiri makes his appearance. He whispers something into Shuichi's ear, and starts planting kisses along his neck, but the whole time his gaze is directed at me. “and you can stay if you want. Do you like scrambled eggs?”

I smile, grabbing Kumagoro from where he's resting on the couch. “No thanks, Kuma-chan and I have a big day today, so we will grab a breakfast at Tohma's.” Another lie. Perfect.

“Sure you don't want to stay? There's only enough for two, but I can make one for you.” Yuki says, but his grip around Shuichi tightens. I'm insanely jealous, which is what he's trying to invoke I'm sure, because since when is Eiri ever hospitable to guests? Geeze, he's less hospitable and more hostile. I stretch like I'm five years old, arms all the way out and very loud, before I give him a smile that says “I know what you're doing, but I won't let it get to me.”

“Sorry, like I said, Tohma's expecting me, so I really should run. I don't want to stress him out, what with the baby on it's way an' all.”

We say our goodbyes just like that, and I feel so fake I have the urge to shower. To add insult to injury, I can practically hear Shuichi gushing over how Eiri actually displayed some affection for once, so they're undoubtedly having sex the moment I leave the room. I sigh, and go to put my hands in my pockets when I suddenly realize that I'm wearing pajama pants that probably belong to Eiri. I shrug. Serves him right for rubbing it in my face.

I find myself in many, many bars after that particular incident, mainly because I just want to get drunk enough to have an excuse to spend the night with Shuichi. Yeah, he's always blessedly unaware of the fact that I want to have my way with him, but that makes conversation much easier. Well, when I remember what we're talking about. After about a month of that, I was at this really seedy bar and the kid next to me sits down, so I buy him a drink out of politeness. That's when I realize that he's sporting the Shuichi look, and since I'm completely intoxicated he looks an awful lot like the real thing. We end up talking, at which point I discover that he's, well, a prostitute. And hey, I've got plenty of money to throw around, so, well, one thing leads to another, and another, and another…

Okay, so I'm not exactly proud of the fact that I pick up prostitutes based solely on how much they look like Shuichi, but I have a lot of free time and easy money on my hands, so I figure, why not? Yeah, I can't exactly look Kumagoro, or Shuichi for that matter, in the eyes anymore, but at least I'm not enough of a scumbag to seduce someone who's involved in a fairly steady, well-established relationship. After the first three, it was pretty easy to find people who looked like him, and if I gave them enough money, they'd shut up quite nicely. Plus I've always been encouraged to play pretend, and I guess they'll do pretty much whatever you ask them to. Anyway, about two months ago I'd found an absolutely gorgeous pink haired little waif a few blocks from my house, and so I discretely propositioned him. Pity he was an undercover cop, though really, I don't know how effective he was. He was really thin for a cop, and I got to spend a good ten minutes talking to him about how difficult it must be to be his size and on the force. Actually, I was pretty wasted, so I guess I propositioned him a couple more times before I was put in a cell. They let me off with a fine, mainly because of Tohma, though I was drinking and driving along with my attempted debauchery, so it could have been worse.

And then there's tonight's little excursion. Well, this time I wasn't stupid enough to drive, especially since Tohma took the liberty of showing me a bunch of those sad, yet most decidedly gross accident videos. I was clubbing, and I ran into this adorable kid completely by accident, except he was a blonde and I just don't do blondes, so after a few drinks I told him I'd take him home if he either dyed his hair or bought a wig. So about ten minutes later we found a costume shop, and he put on the wig and I bought a bunch of novelty crap, and, um… I kind of couldn't wait until we got back to my place, so…

The people who owned the costume shop were not at all pleased to have two guys fucking like bunnies up against the wall of their establishment. Though, to be fair, it wasn't like it was in broad daylight. I feel a little bit guilty for the hooker though; when the police came and arrested us, I didn't get to pay him. And so here I sit, waiting for Tohma to come and pick me up so that I can find a nicer place to pee.

I hear his boots before I see him; he's got these steel toed boots that make a heavier tapping sound than any other shoes I've ever heard, so I just know when he's coming. I give him as pathetic a look as I can muster, and he sighs and looks toward the ceiling.

“So,” he says, looking at me with his “We're going to talk. And it's not going to be pleasant,” looks. “How, exactly, are you going to make this up to me?”