Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Narcissism ❯ 05 ( Chapter 5 )

The long awaited (for some people I guess) Chapter 5 is here. And I'm terribly, terribly sorry for the long wait. I do intend to finish this story, but each chapter gets harder and harder to write as I forget more and more of the details. Firstly, thank you all for reading, and for your kind reviews. Secondly, to answer your questions, I'd completely forgotten how detailed I made the time line in Disasters, so I sort of messed it up royal for this, and so I like to think of it as a parallel universe to Disasters telling Ryuichi's bit of the story, only with a slightly messed up timeline. (Conversion into English: I'm a twit. Sorry.) Third, I'm sorry again for the excruciating update time, and I do hope it won't deter you from reading. I'll be more faithful now that I remember what the hell I'm doing, promise. In any case, you didn't come here for the author's notes, so let's get this show back on the road.

 

Chapter 5

 

“Now there's a sight I could get used to,” Uesugi Tatsuha said, poking his head through the door to his bedroom and successfully scaring the crap out of me.

Though I suppose he was right; during the night his overlarge t-shirt had slipped down my shoulder, and I was completely tangled in his blankets, one of my bare legs sticking out of the sheets to my side. Thank all that's holy you decided to wear underwear last night. I stretched, arms high above my head, before I picked Kumagoro up and sprawled out on my stomach, lazily swinging my legs in an attempt to look casual and sexy all at once. Tatsuha, however, was otherwise occupied in detangling a sports bag from his man-eating closet, and so my pose went unnoticed.

“Tatsuha…” I began, though in actuality I had no idea what I was going to say. I wanted his attention, however, and so I eagerly awaited his response.

“Yeah?” he replied absently, randomly pulling clothes from seemingly nonexistent places around the room and stuffing them forcefully into the bag with muffled grunts. I watched him like cats watch ping-pong, in that “trying not to care, pretending to feign interest, but secretly completely enthralled” sort of way. He bent over a lot, and I was somewhat pleased to discover that he had a lovely posterior. Not that I'm thinking about his posterior after the blow off last night. Hee. Blow off. I shook my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts, at which point I realized that Tatsuha was staring at me expectantly, which meant that he'd said something and was awaiting an answer, which meant that I was going to have to come up with something fast in order to appear crazy instead of stupid.

“Did you know goldfish have a memory of approximately seven minutes?” I drawled, Kumagoro doing an amusing little dance in my arms.

He went back to stuffing his bag, and replied casually “A common misconception. Though goldfish are reputed to have short memories, through proper training methods they can be taught to remember colors, shapes, and can even navigate mazes. But that's not the point. The point is that you've completely lost track of what I've been talking about this whole time, which is somewhat typical, partially adorable, and mostly annoying, but I'll let it slide since your eyes have been glued to my ass for a good five minutes.”

I blinked. “I…” I frowned at him, glaring. “Kumagoro thinks you make an awful lot of assumptions about things you don't know very much about.”

He smiled. “I grew up around you, Ryuichi. You were just too big to notice.” He hefted his bag over one shoulder and adjusted his jacket, smoothing his hands over it as though he was preening feathers. It was oddly attractive, and I noticed that even his gestures had matured, turning the boy I had grown so accustomed to into this… tall, somewhat formal man. “I guess I'll see you here on Saturday, huh?”

I tore my gaze away from his crotch and he smiled a winsome smile. I stuck my tongue out. “It's your fault for having a bed that's at crotch height anyway, Tat-kun.”

He grinned, walking out of the bedroom. “Why do you think I like that bed so much?” he added, rifling through things on the counter in the search for his keys. He'd left his keys on his dresser, and so I scooped them up and dangled them from the end of my index finger, leaning in the doorway.

“Are you leaving already, Tatsuha?” I asked, pouring on as much charm and sex appeal as was physically possible at this time of the- I checked his clock. -afternoon. His keys swung on the end of my finger, making that soft sound of metal-on-metal that's not quite bells but has a certain metallic taste to it, and I shifted my bare legs, exposing the barest hint of underwear underneath his long shirt. He swallowed visibly, and I could tell his mind was dreaming up all sorts of things that he would rather be doing than going to Kyoto, so I was shocked when he gave me a disconcerting smile and snatched the keys off of the end of my fingertips.

“I have obligations, as much as I'd enjoy spending more time with you,” he replied calmly, and for a moment I wondered if he'd rehearsed this whole thing. “Besides which, I had such a good time last night I wouldn't want to spoil the memory by doing something profoundly moronic. It'll be even better, having to wait and see you Saturday.” He pointed at me. “Saturday. Don't forget.”

Kumagoro waved. “We won't. We'll remind each other. It'll be simple!” I smiled at him without really thinking about it, and he waved to Kumagoro and smiled back, before stepping out of the apartment and gently closing the door.

In the wake of Tatsuha's departure, I made my way to the kitchen intent on finding whatever was left in his cabinets, and eating what was edible in the messiest, most abnormal and somewhat disgusting way I could possibly think up, but when I reached the refrigerator I discovered that Tatsuha had brought home a package of mini-muffins, and taped my name to them. I squealed delightedly, snatching up the parcel, and frowned slightly when I remembered that I was supposed to be mad at him. In all honesty, I should probably have been even more upset with him because he not only blew me off twice, but he was going to be in Kyoto for half of forever, but I supposed I could wait a bit longer. Or, well, I could have just plotted something downright evil and sprung it on him the next time he was in town, but I was feeling decidedly lazy and I have a soft spot for people who'll buy you breakfast. And for muffins in general.

I spent a good hour and a half messing around with his things, because Kumagoro informed me that I was alone in someone else's apartment, and I wholeheartedly agree that there's nothing more exciting than discovering all the things that they have hidden away. I started in the bathroom because I was looking for a toenail clipper at the time, and before I could rightly recall my actions, I was in his bedroom, peeping through his top dresser drawer, surrounded on all sides by the contents of his entire apartment for the second time in the past twenty-four hours. I was wearing one of his caps, and a pair of pants that I liked enough to ignore how very long the legs were, and I had on two shirts that were mismatched to the point that, if worn in public, I would probably be arrested for blinding people. I'd already torn through his closet, but despite the presence of too much formal wear, I liked his style. Sure, there were a lot of button up shirts, but they had actual color and cut to them, and his collection of obscure t-shirts was more than enough to amuse me for a while.

After making a sculpture out of scotch tape and the miscellaneous sexual objects I'd found strewn throughout his house, I supposed it was time to leave, because I was probably forgetting something important anyhow. Despite my forgetful tendencies, I did manage to lock his apartment behind me, slipping the key into the pocket of my outfit. Or at least the outfit I was borrowing, which still looked as though a colorblind person had chosen it for me. I strolled along the sidewalks, ignored by the populace, as the real Sakuma Ryuichi, in their eyes, would have far more taste than to wander around aimlessly singing to himself in an outfit that offended the eyes. I was halfway through the park near Shuichi's place, when I realized that I hadn't actually thought about Shuichi at all in the last day. I was torn between being elated that I could be distracted from this thing I had for Shuichi, and feeling hideously guilty that I would betray Shuichi for some… well, some thing with Tatsuha. At which point I realized that I was making a thing out of my blind date gone wrong with Tatsuha, at which point I realized that I was calling it a date, at which point I decided it was high time for me to go back to my apartment and seriously think about what was going on in my head. Kumagoro rubbed his forehead to express his exasperation, and I sighed, giving Shuichi's building a wistful glance before taking the long walk back to my place.

It was Kumagoro who saved me when we got back to my apartment and I realized too late that my key was in my pants, and I didn't happen to be wearing my pants. He always keeps a spare on him, and I expressed my gratitude by giving him a hug and promising him a hot bubble bath. I walked into my living room, intent on tossing my clothes onto my furniture and running the bathwater, when I heard a voice from behind me say “A bath, huh? I didn't realize that you still needed help with those, but if you're offering, and need assistance, I'm always happy to comply, Ryuichi.”

K barely had time to finish his sentence before I made a flying leap for him, but he had a gun in my face before I had time to greet him properly. “K!!!!” I screeched wildly, Kumagoro brushing his shoulders lightly as I attempted to maneuver around the barrel of his gun. He pulled back the safety and there was an audible “click” before I composed myself, giggling lightly. “You do need to get out more, Ryuichi. I thought Tohma was overreacting, but if you're excited at being threatened with violence… Though I suppose you always were the kinky sort.”

I made a face. “We are just ecstatic to see K because he never drops by anymore and we were sure he loved Bad Luck more than he loved us, and he's always too busy for us and-” My voice went deadpan. “You've been… talking with Tohma?”

He brought the gun away from my face and polished it lovingly, slipping it back into its holster. “Yeah. Most of it was typical cryptic Tohma, but he did have a few points.”

I paled. “What kind of points, K?” An image of Tohma in a blaze of fire, swinging a mourningstar immediately jumped to mind.

He looked away from me, and we both stared at his pristinely polished boots. “Well, you haven't been exactly social lately. And… I don't know. Tohma's been saying you go out all the time, and-” he poked me in the ribs and I yelped. “It's pretty obvious you haven't been eating. Again. What, did you forget? Doesn't your maid freeze dinners for you?”

I stuck my tongue out. “Frozen dinners? You know I hate leftovers. It's like… what happens when the goodness leaves food and you're left with the empty shell of something that was once edible.”

He sighed, leaning back on my couch, and though normally he'd argue that those dinners are technically whole and not leftovers, he didn't, and instead he looked really tired.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Ryuichi, do you know why I'm here?”

I cringed a little bit, but I gave him a smile nonetheless. “Because you're a good friend and have come to alleviate my boredom?”

He looked upset. “That's a fabulous guess, Ryuichi, but not exactly correct. See, apparently Tohma refuses to talk about what's wrong with you, which in turn upset Noriko to the point that she can't even stand to look at you, which is why they called me.”

I smiled slightly, narrowing my eyes. “Good to know it took two other people being angry with me to get you to visit, K.”

He looked angry, which only served to upset me more because I was so sick of everyone always taking Tohma's side, and so sick of being yelled at, and really no one understood me but Shuichi and he was out of my grasp, and the only good thing I had going was bound to last until Saturday, because I was probably going to do something to screw that up too. “Am I not showing my concern?” he said. “I'm here, aren't I? Is that not enough for you? Ryuichi, what's going on with you lately? I don't remember you being this…”

“Stupid? Clingy?” I added scathingly, running a hand through my hair. “I know you all think it. `Oh, there goes Ryuichi again, doing something that's just going to land him into trouble.' I told Tohma I could take care of myself. Maybe he should pass the message along.”

“You know, you're the one trying to push all of us away.” K said, glaring at me warningly. “And I think you've proven with your recent maturity that you can't take care of yourself.”

I laughed. “K, you'll never change will you? I guess you'll always be Tohma's gun-toting messenger boy.”

He stood up, shaking his head. “And I guess you'll always be the selfish little kid that has to have everyone's attention on him all the time. Excuse me. I've got a family I need to be getting back to.”

I stood up, shaking, as he walked to the door. “It figures. It figures you'd all choose him over me. He's together. He's easy to deal with. And me? I'm what? The guy who keeps things interesting until you outgrow me and put me away.”

He turned to face me, looking like he wanted to apologize. “Ryuichi…” he began, features tight, as though expecting me to explode at any moment. Though, given the predictability that familiarity had brought me, it was understandable.

I smiled, and put on my stage face. “No, no… I was wrong. Go back to your wife and son.” I laughed. “In fact, I really don't care where you go. Just… don't come here again K. Really, I don't want to see any of you ever again. Just looking at you makes me want to vomit. So by all means, excuse me.” I spread my arms wide and bowed once, tossing my apartment keys at his chest before waltzing through the door.

He called my name once, weakly, before giving up. How typical.

It was drizzling by the time I got outside, a wet, miserable rain, and I was thankful that, while hideous, my outfit managed to provide me with some warmth. I shoved Kumagoro down my shirt to protect his fur, and walked down the street with my head down and my hands in my pockets. It was amazing to me, how the city bled its color when it rained, fading out to match the gray of my mood. I can't remember how far I walked, or for how long, but by the time I took in my surroundings, I was soaked through and my chest was tight from trying to suppress my shivers. I didn't want to go home; there was nothing for me there but bitter reminders of the deserters I'd once called friends, and frozen food, which I'd never eat. Once I'd gone beyond cold and settled into numb, I remembered briefly that at one point in my life, I'd loved the rain. It had meant fresh puddles, and there was a certain level of comfort that watching it rain through a bus window gave me. And too, after it rained, everything ended up with a shine that the sun tended to wear away if it stayed warm for too long.

I picked my head up and stopped by a noodle cart, and after making some purchases, I sat on a park bench under a tree and ate until I was full, and somewhat warm, at least on the inside. After a brief pep talk from Kumagoro, he convinced me to invest in the services of a Laundromat, and I spent an hour in boxers and a tank top drying my clothes in one dryer, and Kuma-chan in another, as he would have gotten smacked around by my pushy wet sneakers. My hair was still wet, and I shivered and sniffed as passers-by gave me odd looks. The dryers buzzed productively, and I nearly fell asleep listening to them drone and watching them spin. When my clothes were ready, I dressed myself, snatched Kumagoro from the dryer and shoved him back down my shirt, as he was now warm, and would serve as a heater for the time being. Perusing through a few more storefronts, I found a suitable umbrella and bought that too, and after that wandering became much easier.

I found coins and put them in my pockets, and observed the faces in the sidewalk cracks that gazed back at me. I chased very wet pigeons, and bought a hot dog for a real dog, which left me amused as I have a very strange sense of humor. Once my pockets were full of loose change, I spent another hour in the park, skipping coins and rocks and other flat objects into one of the fountains that had filled with rainwater. For every coin, I would make a wish, and sometimes I would close my eyes and pretend that instead, I was the coin flying through the air, free for a few moments before sinking down into the cool water. I suppose I got so caught up in that sensation that somehow I ended up in the fountain, defeating my trip to the Laundromat and leaving me very cold. Despite the high likelihood that I would probably get sick and die shortly afterward, I stayed in the fountain, ears submerged so that I wouldn't have to hear the world carry on so very loudly. After a time, I heard Shuichi's voice, strong and clear and pure, and I sighed and let my eyes slip closed. For at least a little while I was content.

It ended up being a very short while, as Shuichi's voice got louder and louder, until I opened my eyes only to find that in fact, Shuichi was looming above me, looking nonplussed. “Ryuichi…?” he began, brow furrowed.

“Shuuuuuuichiiii?” I replied, lazily drawing out his name.

“Ryuichi,” he repeated. “What are you doing going round and round in that fountain all by yourself in the rain?”

“I am fishing.” I stated.

“For what?” he asked curiously.

“For tadpoles.” I replied matter-of-factly.

“Oh. Well, I don't quite think this is the time or the place to go fishing for tadpoles, Ryuichi.” He looked thoughtful. “Though, I don't really know much about them.”

I nodded, as though mulling over his statement, before standing up, brushing sheets of water off of myself as though I were merely shaking the wrinkles out of a suit, and walking calmly out of the fountain, my shoes making depressed squishing noises as I went. It was then that I noticed Hiro, holding a black umbrella and looking at me as though finding me in a fountain wasn't expected, but wasn't surprising either.

“Hey, Shuichi,” Hiro began, gesturing with his thumb over his shoulder. “Ayaka's waiting, and it's miserable. It would probably be better to go now, `kay?”

Shuichi and Hiro said their goodbyes, and Shuichi took my arm, and used his own umbrella to fish mine from where it was floating in the fountain. Ignoring how wet I was getting him, he started talking animatedly about his new single, and Yuki, and how Hiro and Ayaka were getting along so famously. I half-listened, as I was gradually becoming aware that I was going to freeze to death, and I smiled, knowing that if I did, Shuichi would probably still be leading me by the arm through the park, chattering happily to my frigid corpse.

I don't actually remember getting to his apartment, but suddenly we were in an elevator and Shuichi was still talking away. I watched his mouth as the numbers lit up and faded, and before I knew what I was doing, I had a firm grip on his chin and I was centimeters from his face. “Shuichi.” I breathed, watching his eyelashes flutter in shock, like recently disturbed butterflies.

“Wee-oo-itchy,” he replied, voice higher pitched than before, his words slurred as I was holding his chin so tightly.

“I think,” I began, attempting to bore holes into his head with my stare. “That you have to most ungodly gorgeous features I have ever seen on a human being.” He squeaked, eyes wide and confused. If it were possible, I moved even closer to him. “By the way,” I whispered, and he shivered in my arms. “Do you wear underwear?”

The elevator doors slid open, and I moved away from him with a slow smile. He attempted to say something, but it came out in the smallest of whimpers. I turned back to him, suddenly sunshine and smiles, and added. “It's fine if you don't, but if you do I was wondering if it would be alright to borrow some. I had to wear Eiri's last time and they itch something terrible. You know, maybe that's why he's so irritable. Or maybe they're too small. I've heard you can get terrible medical ailments from having drawers that are too tight. I think I read somewhere that- Shuichi? Are you coming?”

He pushed himself away from the wall mechanically, still looking like a possum torn between fainting and running away. I was pleased to note the blush that graced his features, and I fidgeted while waiting for him to open his door.

“Oh!” he exclaimed, throwing open the door. “Could you wait here? Yuki's… well, he's a little bit touchy about getting things wet and messy so I'm just going to grab some towels and maybe a spare change of clothes and if you just stay put I'll be right back so don't go anywhere okay?!” He was out of sight before I had a chance to say anything, and I waited patiently in the doorway, dripping onto Eiri's precious flooring. I strained my ears to listen; apparently Eiri had been sleeping, and I cringed, hoping I hadn't gotten Shuichi in trouble. I heard nervous giggling and then a soft sigh, and I rolled my eyes. It figured that Eiri would find a rain scented Shuichi appetizing. I stepped further into the room, looking around, and I walked into the sight of their bedroom door. Eiri looked up, eyes narrowing, and he dropped Shuichi like a sack of potatoes.

“You pick up a stray, moron?” he asked, his voice sounding both arrogant and bored as only Eiri can perfect.

“Aah, Yuki, I saw him in the park, and he was soaked so…”

“So you felt the need to bring another burden into my home. Great.” He got up and wandered to his office. “Feel free to call me when the National Retard Convention is over.” I heard the sound of a beer can opening, and I briefly wondered if Eiri had managed to sneak a mini-frige in there, or at the very least a cooler, or if he was the type of man to drink warm beer.

“Yuki!” Shuichi whined, putting his hands on his hips and marching towards the office. Eiri would have slammed the door in Shuichi's face, but the waif was too quick, and had half of his body jammed through the doorway, though that didn't stop Eiri from putting more pressure on the door. “Yuki! We have a guest! And you've gotten slo- OW! Slow lately. Must be from all of those- OWW!! -cigarettes! And all that beer! Why don't you come ou- Hey, that's my- NO THROWING THINGS YUKI, THAT'S NOT FAIR!!”

Watching their exchange left me feeling somewhat intrusive, and after watching them wrestle with the door for a good five minutes, I calmly walked across the floor and put my hand on Shuichi's head. Their struggle immediately ceased, and Shuichi looked up at me intently. I smiled sweetly. “Naa, Shuichi, I'll come visit you some other time, huh? It looks like there are more important things you should be doing right now than humoring a stray.”

“But… No, Ryuichi. Yuki's just…” Shuichi made a face and stuck his tongue out at the crack in the door. “Besides, it's late. And Yuki didn't mean anything by it. Come on, I can just get some blankets and you can use the shower and-”

I waved my hands “No, that's alright. I wouldn't want to be a burden or anything. It was good to see you though, Shuichi.” I lightly squeezed his shoulder and received the penetrating gaze that was directed at me from beyond the door with a surprising amount of calm. “Eiri.” I said with a half smile, before turning to leave. “Oh, Shuichi, would it be alright if I left Kumagoro with you for the evening? He needs to be dried and I'm afraid I won't be home in time to do it. I don't want him to catch a cold.”

Shuichi looked puzzled, but I gave him an enigmatic smile and handed Kuma-chan to him, squeezing his ear in goodbye. “Thanks.” I said, walking out the door.

Twenty minutes later, I arrived at a bar, and was well on my way to complete intoxication when this lithe, adorable little redhead walked through the door…