Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Narcissism ❯ 06 ( Chapter 6 )

Hey, I'm back with another installment of Narcissism. I'm also still horribly upset at the horrendous update time, but it's also nice not to fail at school. Sorry for those of you who… uh, read this. Which reminds me, thank you to all of those who reviewed, and I do promise that I won't leave this unfinished. Sometimes it just takes me a while to get over crippling writer's block. Right, I'm babbling again. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

 

Chapter 6

 

The inside of my skull was pounding like a malevolent choir of jackhammers by the time I woke up the next morning. A shaft of sunlight stole across my face, making everything bright and unpleasant, and I tried to roll over and burrow under anything even remotely shady. As it would happen, that anything turned out to be a warm body, which I snuggled into appreciatively, murmuring Shuichi's name. A good ten minutes later, I drifted back into consciousness, only to figure out that I was snuggled up against yet another one-night stand. Staggering up from the mattress, I fished around the room on my hands and knees for my boxers, before finding them behind the door and awkwardly putting my legs through their respective pant legs. I dressed in the rest of my clothes in a similar fashion and was about to leave, when I dug around in my pocket for some cash. Finding a large wad of bills, I slapped some of the money down on the bed stand and made to leave, head still sore from the acid I must have poured down my throat the night before.

“Ryuichi?” a voice called for me, sleepily.

I froze guiltily, turning around slowly. “Um. Good morning?”

I hadn't taken in the full extent of the gorgeousness of my latest tryst until that moment, and I probably would have been up for another go if I hadn't been so accursedly sober. He was young, bare naked, and nicely toned, with long legs and big brown eyes, and light red hair that gently framed his face. He had the sort of “Hey, what's that? Where we going?” expression that puppies wear when they're curious, and I had the sudden urge to take him home and keep him. He could sleep at the foot of the bed and I'd call him Admiral Fuzzybottom, and we could go for walks together and lead a very comfortable and happy lifestyle. I watched him stretch lazily and I melted a little bit, before shaking myself and backing slowly to the door. He looked up with a soft smile on his face.

“You're up early.”

I nodded once, inwardly petrified.

“I didn't think you'd be a morning person.” He yawned cutely and scratched behind his head. “Um, if you want, I can make you pancakes or something.” He added shyly.

I blinked. “Are you this nice to everyone?” I added, confused.

“To everyone who? I don't understand.” Suddenly he was extremely nervous. “Ryuichi, what… what's this on the end table?” He sat up, picking up the cash. “What's this all about?”

“I… I wasn't sure how much to…”

He narrowed his eyes. “You think I'm some kind of… gigolo, or something, don't you?”

I looked away. “I… I didn't mean anything by it, it's just…”

He snapped. “Didn't mean anything by it?! You were the one who asked me out yesterday, you were the one who- who told me how you were looking for commitment, and you were the one who sweet-talked your way into my apartment! You, you, you, you, you! I can't believe I fell for anything that tumbled out of your stupid mouth! Uuugh! I'm such an idiot!”

I winced, covering my ears with my hands. “Hey, not so loud.” I frowned. “I really… said all of those things?”

He nodded with disgust.

I sighed, leaning back against the wall and staring up at the ceiling. “I'm really sorry. Really, really sorry. I'm just… a wreck right now. I mean, I bet if we'd met at another time, under different circumstances, we really would have gotten along well, but right now…” I shook my head sadly. “I'm just not the type of guy you want to bring around to meet your parents.” I laughed. “I'm just a screw up.”

He gave me a soft look. “Hey, I'm sure you're not that bad.” He smiled slightly. “Besides, last night was pretty amazing. I mean…” His eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks, and he let the bed sheets pool at his waist. “Maybe you've just never had anyone patient enough to be in a relationship with.” He let one of his smooth hands glide over his chest to rest behind his neck. “I mean, I wouldn't mind giving it a try with you.”

As blatant an invitation as that was, for the kid's sake I decided not to involve him in the cat's cradle that was my personal life. I smiled in a naïve sort of way, before tilting my head to the side. “I wouldn't mind either… erm, what did you say your name was again?”

His face clouded almost as quickly as it had brightened up, and he snatched a pillow from the floor before hurling it in my direction. “You bastard! You arrogant, selfish, stupid-” The rest of his insults were cut off as I ran from the apartment, slamming the door behind me before making a beeline for the elevator. I found it kind of pathetic that all of my intimate relationships as of late tended to end up like this, and so I'd developed a sixth sense when it came to the quickest escape route. Cursing my sobriety once again, I was halfway to my apartment when I remembered that I'd left K there only a day before, and despite the fact that I was desperate for clothes that were neither Shuichi's nor Yuki's, I turned in the opposite direction. I refused to let K win, and so I was stubborn enough to never return to my apartment again.

I stopped by a branch of my bank to withdraw more money from my account, and then spent the rest of the day buying an insane amount of clothing. Cursing my own stupidity, as I realized that I had nowhere to put all of my shiny new things, I rented a hotel room and dumped my shopping bags there. By mid-afternoon, I was bored out of my skull despite all of the amusing vending machines the hotel had to offer, and so I left the hotel, locking my room keys soundly inside the door. At that moment, I really no longer cared what happened to my purchases, or myself, and so I meandered around the city for the rest of the day, before deciding to ride the subway for as long as I possibly could.

I was kicked off the subway at around one o'clock in the morning, and I found myself at an unfamiliar stop, getting looks from train operators and homeless people alike. Dead tired, I crawled into a telephone booth and shut the doors behind me, taking the phone off the hook and placing it next to my ear for comfort. The monotonous drone of the telephone operator lulled me to sleep, and I had fevered dreams of inserting coins and not having enough minutes to apologize to Tohma. I awoke with a start, as an angry man was rapping on the door to the phone booth, and I stumbled by him, wearily apologizing for the inconvenience. I was completely disoriented, and once I'd crawled out of the subway, I searched desperately for a clock, or a calendar, or really anything that would tell me what time it was. I settled for walking into a dingy little all-night diner and taking a seat at the counter, resting my head against its cool surface.

“Coffee.” I moaned, peeling my skin from the tabletop. “With sugar and milk please?”

There was a nice looking girl behind the counter who poured me a cup, before spooning a large amount of sugar into my drink. She smiled at me, and I smiled back. “You're not a regular customer. I've never seen you before.”

I shook my head. “Yeah, first time here.”

“You know, I don't really like coffee either, but the caffeine's nice when you want to wake up, and with enough sugar it isn't so bad.” I nodded, and she poured the milk. “Is there anything you want to talk about?” she asked shyly.

I looked at her, confused. “Um, why?”

She smiled again, and I felt the kind of comfortable that I usually only felt around Noriko or Tohma. “Well, you just look like you've got a lot on your mind.” She looked off to the side. “Actually, if you don't mind my saying so, you look pretty awful. And I like talking to people when I'm feeling down, so… Um, sorry if that's weird. I'm just used to talking with the regulars about, you know, things like that.”

I smiled wearily. “Well, I'm in love with someone I can't have, my friends have betrayed me and left me alone because their lives are too busy and important to include me, I'm unemployed, incapable of having a healthy relationship with anyone, completely uninspired to do the things I used to love, I can't go back to my apartment, I have a terrible headache, I lost my keys, and I slept in a phone booth yesterday. Do you have any advice for a situation like that?” I blew on my coffee, sipping it gingerly.

The girl behind the counter was dumbfounded for nearly a minute, before she started laughing. I would have been offended, but I watched her standing above me, holding her sides with tears running down her cheeks, and before I knew it I was laughing too. The whole situation was just too absurd, and we laughed until it hurt; she pounded her fist into the counter and I giggled helplessly into my arms. When we'd calmed down, she disappeared into the kitchen and brought me a slice of pie, before patting my head. “Well,” she said. “Things could be worse. At least you've got your health.”

I sneezed, and we laughed again.

Nearly an hour later, I remembered I'd been looking for the time, and so I asked her to turn on the television. She switched on the news, and on the bottom of the screen it was flashing “Sunday, 14 degrees Celsius, 7:08 am.” My eyes narrowed, and something in the back of my mind told me there was something I needed to do that weekend, but I wrote it off as unimportant. At ten o'clock, I finally left the small café.

“Say, was I good enough company for you to drop by more often?” asked the girl behind the counter.

I shook my head, pushing the door open. The bells fastened to it made a delicate ringing sound. “If you're lucky, you'll never see me again.” I smiled warmly, and dropped some large bills in the tip jar. “Thanks for the coffee.” I added.

“Anytime.” I heard her distant reply, before she went back to scrubbing down the counters.

I shuffled along again, hands deep in the pockets of my coat. It was deceptively warm outside, and I debated over what I should do. I started riding the subway again, but at noon I got off, opting to catch a train to the beach. My sudden desire to feel the sand beneath my feet brought me to the outskirts of the city. I bought a cheap bag and filled it with shells, and I was happy that it was so late in the year that the boardwalk was deserted. I took off my shoes and coat, and did cartwheels, and then I played in the water even though it was cold. When I was too tired to play around anymore, I sat on the line between the sand and the waves, and let the water tickle at my feet. I fell asleep on the sand, warmed by the lazy sun, and didn't awaken until late that evening.

The sun had gone down completely when I opened my eyes again, and the water had receded enough not to disturb me as I rested. I yawned, and stretched, and dusted the sand off of myself as I made my way back to my personal effects. I carried my coat and shoes, because it would have been pointless to fill them up with sand, and I was walking along the cool wooden slats of the boardwalk when my stomach rumbled. I sighed, and realized that there probably weren't any more trains out to the beach until tomorrow, and I wondered briefly if there were even any restaurants open. Brushing sand out of my hair, I thought about how Tatsuha had promised me a good home cooked meal, and I frowned, thinking that perhaps he'd broken his promi-

Tatsuha.

Saturday.

I made a wailing sound in the back of my throat, and took off down the boardwalk, distantly recalling a pay phone a few blocks away. I stumbled over a loose board and clumsily fell, my bag of shells flying over my head and scattering like so much shattered glass as a large splinter of wood imbedded itself into my foot. I wailed like a cat and bit my lip at the pain, ignoring my things as I limped to the phone. I found it where I'd remembered and fumbled through my pockets for loose change, jamming random coins into the slot and shakily pressing the digits for his apartment.

“Hello.” He began.

“Tatsuha?!” I cried desperately.

“This is Tatsuha. I'm unable to reach the phone right now, but if you'd like to leave a message-”

“The machine!” I cursed, slamming my head against the Plexiglas booth. I sighed, resigning myself to the fate of spending yet another night in a phone booth. “Tatsuha…” I whined, listening to the fateful beep at the end of his message. “I just… I wanted… Urm, this is Ryu, uh Ryuichi. I guess… you're out. I'll… Yeah. Uh Bye.”

Just before I replaced the receiver, I heard a rather loud “RYUICHI! DON'T HANG UP!” Jamming the phone against my ear, I cried “TATSUHA?!” hoping that I wasn't hallucinating from blood loss and having phone conversations with myself.

“Ow… Uh, you don't have to yell Ryuichi. Just… where are you? Shuichi's called here at least eight times, and Tohma even stopped by. Everyone's worried sick, thank all that's holy you're okay.”

I sniffled a little. “Oh. Uh, I… I just, um. I just couldn't stand being at my place anymore, so I left. And I guess I got on the wrong train, so I ended up at the beach and I don't really know where I am, and it's getting dark out and I can't get back into the city and I don't really know what to do, and everyone's pretty fed up with my bullshit, and Kumagoro isn't here, and I'm so, so tired, and I don't want to have to sleep outside again, but I can't go back, I just can't, and I missed our date, and I bet you're really mad too, and I just knew I was going to mess everything up but I just can't help it sometimes, and-”

“Ryuichi! Just slow down, okay? You're upset, and you're in an unfamiliar place. Calm down, stay where you are, and tell me any landmarks I can find you by.”

I wiped my face. “Uh, I think there's a pier over there with a big fifteen on it, and I can go look at the names of some restaurants if you want.”

“That's a good start. Don't freak out, okay Ryuichi?”

“I'll be okay.” I said quietly. “Just… don't tell anybody about this, okay?”

“But they've been looking for you all day…” he began.

“Just… please, don't. This is bad enough without… you understand, right.”

“Yeah. Just, hold on. What did you say the names of those restaurants were?”

“Oh.” I replied. “Hold on, I'll be right-”

“Please insert more coins to continue.”

I glared at the receiver. Shuffling through my pockets, I found some more change, but my hands were shaking so badly I dropped it all. Stumbling around on my hands and knees, I couldn't find enough money to continue the call. When I stood up again, my head was spinning, and when I looked at my hands they were covered in the blood from my foot. I gagged, swallowing a couple times before taking in a few shaky breaths, willing myself to stay calm. I was going to be okay, because Tatsuha was on his way to find me. I drifted in and out of consciousness for a while, leaning up against the side of the phone booth. Occasionally I tested my injured foot, but it stuck to the floor with each trial, and so eventually I gave up.

Time lost all meaning as I huddled inside that booth, and the sky only seemed to get darker. I fell asleep completely after a time, only to startle awake at sounds and shadows. I was terrified, and alone, and terribly hungry, and so I curled up into a ball and rested my head on my knees, rocking back and fourth. The silence became so unbearable that I started to sing, unsteady warbling at first, but soon I was tapping a backbeat on the door of the phone booth, and the acoustics inside the tiny cubicle were so interesting that I started to forget where I was. I invented melodies as I went along, making up nonsense lyrics to keep me company, and suddenly I didn't feel nearly so terrible. I was repeating to chorus to one of my songs when a figure loomed above me.

I yelped and kicked out, striking Tatsuha with my bad foot. I winced in pain again, holding my foot to me carefully, before glaring up at him. “Tatsuha! Don't scare me like that! Give a guy some warning before you sneak up on him in the dead of night!”

He knelt down next to me. “I called your name. Four times. I guess you were having such a good time you didn't notice. Want me to leave you here?”

At that moment, I realized that Tatsuha was actually there, in the flesh, after having driven hours to come and get me based entirely on skeptical directions. I was flooded with relief and gratitude and an overwhelming feeling of safety. Without thinking, I snatched Tatsuha by the collar and pulled him to me in a kiss.

It was… sweet. And strange. It was probably the last thing Tatsuha was expecting, especially after our hysterical phone conversation, and he froze up. Hell, it was the last thing I was expecting, and yet… it felt more right than anything else in my life. I drank from his lips, moving my arms to a more comfortable position, before nipping his lower lip with my teeth. He opened his mouth in a gasp, and I deepened the kiss, pleased when he got over his initial shock and started to react. I discovered that, as I has suspected, Tatsuha was indeed a boy of many hidden talents, and he shifted, placing his palm flat against the wall of the phone booth while bringing me closer to him with his other arm. I melted then, combing my hands through his hair and dragging the moment out as long as I possibly could, disappointed when he separated us with a resounding “smack.”

“Ryuichi,” he panted into my mouth. “It's late, we need to…”

I bit his tongue with my teeth, drawing it into my mouth again. He submitted to the second kiss, closing his eyes and drawing me flush up against him. I don't know how many minutes we stayed like that, kissing in a phone booth at a God-awful hour of the morning, but eventually he shifted, and we moved apart, and as we went to kiss again, our noses slammed together, and we both withdrew sheepishly.

“Uh, sorry.” He said with a blush, rubbing at his nose.

I looked away. “It's okay.” For reasons unbeknownst to me, I was nervous all of a sudden, confused by his behavior before all of this and concerned that maybe all he'd wanted was friendship, and I'd gone and ruined that for him. I looked up into his eyes. “Tatsuha…?”

“Yeah?” he replied, sitting back on his heels.

“Would you… hate it if I stayed with you for a while? I… won't do anything out of line, I just… need something solid to fall back on, and, well, I really… like you.” My cheeks burned, which hadn't happened to me since grade school. I mean, honestly, I was Sakuma Ryuichi, God and idol to millions, and there I was, stammering and blushing like a girlish twit.

He looked… happy. In a way I'd never seen in anyone before. He leaned up against the side of the phone booth and smiled like I was the only other person in the whole world, and I thought to myself that Shuichi was really lucky if he could make Yuki smile like this sometimes.

“Yeah Ryuichi. Whatever you need.” He held out his hand to me, and I took it. “Shit, what happened to your foot? There's a ton of blood all over the place.”

I grimaced. “I tripped. It's okay though, I can manage.”

Ignoring my words, Tatsuha slipped an arm around me and picked up my stuff, all but carrying me back to his car. Noting the black sedan, I wondered briefly if Yuki had actually lent Tatsuha his car in order to search for me, and I smiled at the thought. Tatsuha leaned close to buckle me into the passenger seat, and I inhaled deeply, taking in his scent. Immensely comfortable, I fell asleep almost immediately, and I woke up only when Tatsuha dragged my carcass out of the car and into his apartment nearly three hours later. He helped me get out of my dirty clothes, and after he made me shower, he cleaned up my foot. Wrapping it in sterile gauze, I can barely remember changing in his room before climbing into his bed and dropping off to sleep.