Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Stairway to Heaven ❯ Phone calls ( Chapter 1 )

Pairings: Yuki x Shuichi (Others may show up later)

Warnings: Sort of AU, weirdness, some language.

Disclaimer: It ain't mine...But that's not to say I don't borrow ~.^

FYI: This idea was brewing for some time, and it finally decided to cooperate and actually be written down. Um, it's a little strange *looks away* and it might not make much sense, but I promise as it goes on, things will come together! ^-^ Um, I calculated their ages from the start of the anime...So Shu was 19 he's 24 now, Yuki was 22, he's 27 now, etc. ^^; Um, I think that's it! If you didn't understand anything, let me know so I can (hopefully) clear it up for you. ^_-_^

Summary: Yuki Eiri's fragile mind has shattered, leaving Shuichi stunned and helpless. No one knows what's really going on inside Yuki's mind, and Shuichi fears its outcome. Will his love survive?

*~Stairway to Heaven~*

"Alright everyone! Lets do it again!"

Shindo Shuichi grabbed the mike and listened to the intro Fujisaki and Hiro were playing; driving beats and sexy guitar riffs molded with the soft sound of violins and piano. They had practiced this song five times already today, but it just wasn't good enough yet. Shuichi felt the melody and his pitch needed some work, and Fujisaki wasn't satisfied yet with the synth sounds. Hiro never said a thing, but it wasn't hard to tell he wasn't all too happy with his solo. Maybe they'd make it longer...

He in took a deep breath and let out the first note. The second one never came.

His cell phone was ringing.

Again.

"Sorry, sorry!" he apologized as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the small silver phone, tiny NG and BL stickers all over it. He looked at the caller ID and sighed.

He clicked on the 'talk' button. "Yeah?" He gave a look to his band mates that clearly said 'This may be a while.'

Fujisaki and Hiro decided on an early break.

"Shuichi...?" the voice on the other line sounded very tired and very hurt.

"What is it Eiri? Did you hurt yourself again?" He didn't sound worried at all.

"No... No I--I think I'm seeing things again..."

That caught his attention.

Again...He was seeing things again.

"What kind of things Eiri?" he sat down in a plush chair, stretching out his legs. K and Sakano sat together at a nearby table, drinking coffee and trying hard to look as if they weren't listening.

"Things. Like...like...them."

Oh boy. Here we go...

"Them...Eiri, who are they?" He had to ask. If he didn't, and he just assumed who 'they' were, poor Eiri would throw a fit, saying that Shuichi didn't understand him, and that 'they' happened to be a large part of his life.

"You know...The little girl with orange hair. And her brother..."

Shuichi sighed silently and bit his bottom lip.

"Eiri...Are they talking to you?" He waited for the answer that always came.

"Yes."

"Are you alright, then?" Shuichi brushed back some of his cherry colored bangs highlighted with black.

"Come home. Please?" His voice didn't sound worried, or scared. Just lonely.

Shuichi agreed, and hung up. He stood and brushed off his pants, placing the cell back in his pocket. He gave a tired look to Sakano and K. They all knew he was going home now. Practice would be cancelled.

This was the way it had been for years. Three years to be exact. Shuichi was now 24, and Eiri was now 27.

Yuki Eiri's intelligent mind had slowly begun to deteriorate. No one knew exactly why either.

Shuichi had just woken up one day to find his beloved Yuki outside on his balcony, completely naked. The wind was freezing, and his body was red, but he seemed to be in another world.

Ever since then, Yuki, or Eiri as Shuichi now called him, began seeing things. People, animals, he even claimed angels. Shuichi was dumbfounded when the blond had started up a conversation with someone the singer could not hear or see. When asked, Eiri responded with a calm: "The golden angel says she's worried about you. Doesn't want you crossing that busy street anymore."

Needless to say, Shuichi brushed it off and crossed that busy street...until a frantic Eiri grabbed his wrist. The blond had followed Shuichi, without the singer noticing, to make sure he didn't cross that street again.

Followed him.

All because he claimed that an angel had told him to.

After that, Shuichi forced Eiri to seek some help. All that ended up happening, were more pills, outrageous bills, and early morning cat-scans that left Eiri drained and very scared...

That wasn't the real issue though.

Sometimes, Shuichi got the feeling that Eiri was telling the truth...That his mind wasn't really deteriorating...That it was growing and able to see and comprehend things others could not.

Did that make him crazy too?

He sighed again, walking out of the large glass doors in the front of the NG building. As he got to his car, he noticed a familiar green-haired star walking towards him.

"Oi! Shuichi!" he called, waving his arms back and forth.

Ryuichi, over the past years, had become something of a confidant for Shuichi. He told the Nittle Grasper singer just about everything concerning Eiri and his so-called, condition.

Not even Hiro got much information.

It was weird, but somehow, Shuichi felt more at ease talking about things like that with Ryuichi than he did with Hiro.

"Going home again I see. Did he call...?" Ryuichi placed a hand on Shuichi's shoulder, looking sympathetic.

"Yeah...he just called. Says he's 'seeing' things again. Which means he stopped his medication..." Another long sigh. Ryuichi embraced his friend.

"I hope things get better Shuichi. I do."

Shuichi broke the hug. "I gotta get going. He'll be timing me to see how long it takes for me to get home. And we all know what happens when I'm 'late'." He rolled his eyes as he remembered the last time --Over dramatic sighs, crying and speeches about the dangers of Tokyo.

Yuki Eiri had really lost it.

Or maybe, gained it.

Perhaps, both?

On the drive home, to the same very large apartment, Shuichi remembered the old Yuki...

"Brat. You're ruining my concentration. Go whine somewhere else."

"You little shit. Can't you do anything right? Useless..."

"How many times must I tell you?! God, you're pathetic!"

"...Are you tired? Lets go to bed then...."

"Nn... I'll see you when you get home. I'll wait to eat supper. I want to eat it with you."

"Come to bed already...the light is keeping me up. I'm cold without you..."

All of those sentences and their attached memories floated around inside his mind.

He almost wished for his old Yuki back, instead of his new, odd Eiri.

Yuki.

Eiri.

Yuki.

Eiri.

Which one? Same man. Different person. Same looks. Different mind.

Shuichi sighed again. He wanted to believe Eiri, he really did. But it was so...unlikely. Seeing angels? People? Even the odd cat. What was really going on?

One thing was for sure. Shuichi wouldn't ever give up on him. No matter how crazy the blond author got, Shuichi wouldn't ever leave his side.

No matter how tempting it was.

He'd already gotten a few...'offers' from certain people. Hiro, Ryuichi, even Fujisaki, for him to come and live with them. Be with them.

As tempting as it was...just to leave Eiri all alone in his world, one look into those pained golden eyes, and any thoughts about leaving, died.

He would stay by Eiri's side, until death. And even beyond that.

Shindo Shuichi was still in love with Yuki Eiri. No matter how Yuki Eiri acted.

Yuki is Yuki.

Eiri is Yuki. Yuki is Eiri.

Maybe, just maybe, Shuichi would understand what was going on inside the brilliant mind of his lover. And maybe, he'd join him there.

----

When he opened the door to their apartment, and saw Eiri's prone body lying on the floor unmoving, time stopped.

He wasn't breathing.

There was an empty amber colored pill bottle lying beside his blond hair.

Shuichi, screamed.

"Eiri! Eiri! Wake up! C'mon! Don't do this to me! Wake up!" he was yelling, crying, near complete hysterics.

Until twin gold eyes snapped open, shining with mirth.

"Eiri...?" Shuichi questioned, tears still tracking down his face. The blond gave a chuckle and sat up, taking the pill bottle with him.

"Shuichi! Don't cry! I was just playing a joke!" he giggled like a small child.

At first, Shuichi was stunned. Totally stunned. Eiri...played a prank on him? Pretending to be dead...

And then his shock melded into anger.

He slapped the blond, hard.

"Don't you EVER do that again! Do you understand me?!" he huffed, and snarled. Eiri shrunk away, a guilty pleading look on his face.

"Go...gomen! I didn't mean to scare you...I didn't want you to get mad!" His entire demeanor suggested he was a ten-year-old, waiting to be grounded.

Shuichi's heart shattered. It blew up into millions of pieces, each shard piercing his soul.

"I'm sorry Eiri...I'm so sorry!" He fell into the blond, sobbing. He missed the old Yuki.

What happened?

What went wrong?

Maybe, because of years of stress and tranquilizer pills, Yuki Eiri's brain was finally feeling it. Stress can do horrible things to a person. Make them ill; make them mentally ill. And Yuki Eiri's stress level was beyond normal. Not to mention the pills. Year after year of pills from doctors, making sure those memories didn't cause more pain then they already did.

Perhaps it was all that medication that did it. Rotted his brain, began to make it malfunction.

It was almost like Yuki Eiri was retreating back in time. Instead of being the cynical, smoking, angry man, he was now a childish, sweet and caring boy who wanted nothing more then to play.

Shuichi wasn't even sure if Eiri understood why he was living in this huge apartment, with all these things.

"Shuichi...I'm sorry...Don't be mad at me. I'll never do it again. I promise!"

It was odd hearing that. Eiri's voice was so deep and smooth; you would always expect something intelligent and sexy to come forth. Instead, small childish words and sentences were being said in that voice...It unnerved Shuichi.

"I'm not mad Eiri. You scared me..." he looked up into the golden eyes he so loved. They weren't cold anymore; they were warm and inviting. He lost himself in them.

His lips grazed over Eiri's in affection. It was a gentle kiss; his lips were warm and dry. He didn't expect Eiri to kiss him back. He was more then surprised when he felt the gentle pressure returned.

He couldn't help it. He indulged himself. He kissed back hard, crushing his lips against Eiri's. The blond's warm arms encircled Shuichi's body, holding him tightly. Shuichi whimpered at the familiar feeling of being embraced in those arms. He could feel Eiri's lips meshing with his own, and he was slowly drowning.

It wasn't often that they would share a kiss as hot as this one. Eiri would just burst out in giggles half the time. Today it seemed Eiri was being two different people. He was being childish, but he was also seeing things again, causing him to be irrational and serious. However...the kiss...Shuichi didn't exactly know what was going on.

Shuichi moaned loudly when Eiri's tongue swirled into his mouth. How long had it been since he had felt that? Too long...

Since this little escapade began, their sex life had almost diminished. Sometimes Eiri would be in the right frame of mind for making love, but it wasn't often. Usually the most that ever happened were a few sweet kisses. It nearly killed Shuichi, but he supposed that's what vibrators were for.

Like hell.

He felt Eiri's warm hand creep up his shirt, rubbing circles over his chest. He broke the kiss and smiled at Eiri. Inside those light hazel eyes, he could almost see the old Yuki peeking out, shimmering though, and dying to come out.

Suddenly, Shuichi became very frustrated. His old Yuki was gone. It wasn't like he was just going to snap out of this and things would be back to normal. He didn't even know if there was a chance that his old Yuki could come back...

"Shu...? Did I do something wrong?" Eiri's shy and timid voice crept into his brain. The singer blinked.

"What...?" he suddenly realized he must have spaced out and stopped responding. He felt bad. Eiri gulped visibly, turning his head away. Shuichi sighed and cupped Eiri's face in his hands.

"You know I love you...right?" Shuichi asked sullenly. Eiri nodded.

"You know that you could never do anything wrong, right?" He gave a tiny kiss to Eiri's forehead. Again, the blond nodded.

"Eiri...I want...I want you to..." he choked on his words. How could he ask for that? He didn't know what Eiri was like right now. A child. A man. Both.

"What do you want Shuichi...?" his eyes were already half-lidded. Shuichi's breath caught.

"Make love to me Eiri..." The second it escaped his lips he regretted it. He was just waiting for Eiri to freak out. Or giggle like mad.

In fact, he did neither.

He simply smiled and kissed Shuichi again, pushing him onto the floor.

As very skilled hands were stripping off his clothes, Shuichi wondered if maybe Yuki WAS back to normal. Maybe this was all a bad dream, and he was finally waking up. He hissed when Eiri's very naked body pressed into his.

As they kissed once more...something broke inside of him. Something, inside of Shuichi's fragile heart, broke. Maybe it was his understanding; maybe it was his patience. Maybe it was his undying love...

But he could not do this anymore.

Tears welled up and he couldn't help but release them. When he looked up into Eiri's eyes, he found them to be wet and crying as well.

"I hate this Shuichi. I hate it. I want to go back..." He shuddered atop of Shuichi, fresh salty tears dripping from his chin to land on Shuichi's chest. Those tears seeped into his skin, into his being. He held onto Eiri tightly.

"I don't want to be like this anymore. What's wrong with me?" he shuddered again, choking on a sob. The light that streamed into his gold eyes shadowed the pain. Shuichi could see the old Yuki staring at him. Begging him to help. Begging him to stop this.

"Eir--Yuki..." Shuichi sobbed as well, bringing Yuki's bare body right close to his so that he could bury his face in the soft skin. It smelled of his after-shave and cologne. He shivered.

The blond closed his eyes, and let his tears fall freely down his face, in silence. He breathed normally and calmly, his face resting in the crook of Shuichi's neck. The sweet smell of their shampoo and soap mixed with Shuichi's own personal scent mingled in his nose and he stored it away in his mind. He wanted to always and forever be able to bring that smell up inside his mind.

"I don't know how to help you Yuki..." Shuichi confessed quietly, feeling guilt rise. The blond said nothing, only continued to breathe quietly.

Was it doomed? Would they ever have the chance to be back to what they were?

"I can't do this anymore Yuki. I can't. I can't go on never knowing what you're going to be like. I can't go on not knowing if I can sleep next to you naked. I can't...I can't do this anymore."

He shuddered once more, another sob trying to free itself.

Eiri raised his head so that he was looking at Shuichi. "Where would I be without you?" he asked quietly, his voice no more then a breathy whisper.

Shuichi blinked and shivered once more. "What do you--" Two cold fingers pressed up against his lips, stopping his words. He was confused, but said nothing, waiting and wondering what his lover would do next.

"You've saved me every other time Shuichi. So many times you've been there for me, so many times you've brought me back from my eternal hell...I would be dead right now, if you hadn't come along and rescued me. But Shu...Shuichi, maybe this is the one time...you can't save me..."

Yuki's voice trembled and shook as he said that. It cracked and trailed off into a tiny hiss.

Shuichi was stunned breathless.

The one time...he couldn't save...

"No! That's not true! It's a lie, damnit! I won't give up on you..." his voice began to shudder violently as an ocean of tears built up. His throat constricted painfully as he tried to keep himself from breaking down.

"Shuichi...you said so yourself...you can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore...Maybe this is where we dr... draw the...line..."his golden eyes were no longer looking into Shuichi's...they were staring off somewhere else.

"Yuki?" Shuichi questioned, giving the blond a tiny squeeze. When he got no response, he sighed, closing his eyes.

"You're seeing them again, aren't you?" he looked up at his beautiful lover, only to see him nod sadly, trying to pry his golden eyes away from whatever it was he was looking at.

Shuichi suddenly realized they were both naked. He blushed furiously, before he realized that Eiri was just seeing things in his head. No one was actually there…

Right?

He wanted to ask Eiri to move so he could get dressed, but the glorious feeling of his lovers warm naked flesh pressed against his was too tempting. He didn't want to move from his spot; lying on his back, Eiri's body resting on top of his...It was bliss in every sense of the word.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around his lover's neck and wriggled his hips. "I'm cold," he whispered, hoping to at least get a blanket over them...

Even though he knew that no one else was with them...the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach wouldn't go away.

He felt puckered lips drop a kiss onto his own, and then a warm blanket being placed over the both of them.

"Where are they Eiri?" Shuichi asked gently, running his fingers through the silky blond locks.

"Behind you..." he said it with such calm ease. Like it was nothing at all. Like there really were people standing behind Shuichi...

It scared him. He suddenly felt as if he were being watched...as if they could see right though his skin and into his heart.

"I don't like them." Shuichi finally stated with a huff. Eiri sighed and closed his eyes.

"I don't know how to get rid of them..." was the reply.

Shuichi sighed deeply. What kind of fucked up relationship was this?

The singer wondered what he would be doing right now, had he chosen another. Maybe Hiro. He knew for sure, he wouldn't be in a situation like this. He'd probably be making music -of all kinds- with Hiro. Or maybe they'd be out for an afternoon walk in the park. Shuichi knew that if he were with Hiro, his life would be more stable; his heart would be getting showered day in and day out with romance and love.

It warmed Shuichi to think of that.

But then...where would his Yuki be? Dead? Lying cold six feet under dirt? Maybe he'd still be off fucking every man or women he deemed worthy. Perhaps, he would have moved somewhere...?

Despite the hard times that Shuichi faced, or was facing, all the drama, and all the heartbreak...it was somehow...better then endless love. It was better then hearing "I love you" all the time...

Shuichi loved Hiro, and Hiro loved him; but somehow, Yuki's strange and conditional love felt right. It felt like he belonged with Yuki. Maybe he was just a masochist.

In any case, life with Yuki, despite its hardships, was rewarding for Shuichi, and it was insanely amazing.

"Maybe we should...move, or...something." Shuichi mumbled under his breath, eyes trained to the ceiling above him.

"Move? But I like it here...I don't want to move away. What will we do with all my stuff?" Eiri's charming voice drifted into his ears. The singer sighed, lolling his head to the side, red and black locks falling into his face.

Poor Eiri...

"That's not what I meant silly. I meant, maybe we should...re-locate ourselves to the bedroom." Shuichi couldn't help but give a tiny giggle, nuzzling his lovers face. Even though it was kind of disturbing to have Eiri act like a child, it was undeniably cute.

The author hefted another sigh, nuzzling back. "It's not like they'll stay here. Where I go, they go..."

Shuichi's heart sank into his stomach.

"Can't you just say...leave me alone? I don't want you here? Anything at all?!" Despite the singer's best efforts to keep calm, he was slowly becoming frustrated again.

Eiri rolled his eyes and sat up, taking the blanket with him. Shuichi shuddered violently as the cold air smashed into his body.

His clothes were thrown at him. He seemed to have made his lover upset again. "I'm sorry Eiri...You know I didn't mean anything bad...I just get so frustrated sometimes." he sat up to embrace his beautiful lover, forgetting about the fact that he was nude.

His embrace was returned, followed by a peck on his lips.

----

The mid-afternoon sun drenched the quiet apartment in folds of light. The beams dripped through the windows and blinds, through the curtains and balcony doors.

A still nude Shuichi sat on the cool floor; an equally nude Eiri curled up in his arms, fast asleep.

"What will I do with you? Yuki..."

He wondered, in the back of his mind, why he started calling the author "Eiri" instead of "Yuki". Somehow, when this entire fiasco occurred, it felt almost wrong to call him Yuki.

Yuki was the man he met; Yuki was the man he had stopped a concert for. Yuki was the man who kissed him in the elevator and then threw him out. Yuki was the man he gave himself to...in everyway.

Eiri, on the other hand, was the man who changed overnight. Who could be any range of personalities at any second. Eiri was the man who was kind and gentle, and childish. Eiri was the small boy who liked to watch cartoons and catch frogs. Eiri was the disillusioned man who called Shuichi in the middle of work to say he saw "an angel."

Maybe, Shuichi mused, Eiri had a...split personality disorder?

Looking down on that angelic sleeping face, Shuichi scoffed at himself. Personality Disorder...as much as it would 'solve' this issue, he knew that's not what it really was. Of course, he had been known to be wrong, but he just KNEW it wasn't a personality disorder. Call it, a gut feeling.

His cell phone rang, its cheery and upbeat melody angering the singer. He fumbled around for his pants, doing his best not to stir the sleeping body tucked in his arms.

With an annoyed grunt and a glare at the phone, he clicked the 'on' button and answered with a not so cheery "What do you want?"

Hiro, used to Shuichi's sudden mood swings, gave a chuckle. "And it's great to hear from you too, Shuichi." he heard his friend heave a sigh. "Alright, so I take it nothing got solved with the lover, right?" It was a really stupid question, but Hiro felt like it should be asked. Shuichi sighed again.

"What do you think? Of course not. I'm so...angry. It's not fair Hiro...It's not fair!" It was easy to tell he was holding back. From what, was anyone's guess. One arm was wrapped possessively around Eiri's sleeping body, as if he were trying to say 'stay away'.

"Nothing's fair Shuichi." Hiro didn't quite know what to say. Nothing he could say would really do any good. All he could offer were empty promises and words of comfort. Nothing could make this mess go away.

"Sometimes, I just want to blindfold him so that he can't see these damn things anymore. Christ, what the hell is wrong with him!? Why can't anyone find out what it is?" Shuichi huffed and closed his eyes, shivering. It still felt like eyes were watching him...

His blue eyes carefully opened and looked down to his lover, still seeing him fast asleep, eyes closed tightly.

Shuichi groaned into the phone. "Hiro, I'm going crazy."

He received a chuckle. "Aren't we all? I can only imagine the hell you must go through on a daily bas--" he was cut off by Shuichi, who spoke up abruptly.

"No. I'm. Going. Crazy." His tone left no room for smiles and jokes. He was dead serious. Hiro's breath caught.

"Shuichi...listen to me alright? You're not going crazy. Hell, maybe Yuki-san's not either. Just...Just don't do anything drastic...I won't lose you." He said the last part with a harsh tone, letting Shuichi know just how much he meant to Hiro.

The singer looked down and stroked the sleeping authors face with his free hand. "I love you Hiro. I really do, you know? You've never failed to be there for me..." he trailed off, staring at his beautiful lover, bathed in mid-afternoon sun.

"I love you too man..." You could hear the smile in Hiro's voice.

"Do you know what he said to me, Hiro? He said that this might be the one time where I can't save him anymore. He...he thinks that this is it. That we can't be together anymore, because he's so fucked up. Because I can't do anything about it. Because...because..." he choked on his words, new tears spilling from his shimmering eyes. Hiro was silent, not sure how to respond to that.

Maybe Eiri was...right?

"I have to go Hiro. I'm sorry." Shuichi sighed softly, waiting for Hiro's small agreement before hanging up. He dropped the phone carelessly on the floor, wincing at the large smacking sound it made. The slumbering author stirred and his hazy golden eyes fluttered open.

"I'm tired..." he sighed, snuggling into Shuichi's naked flesh, searching to keep the warmth in. Shuichi tightened the blanket around them and began to thread his fingers through the others hair.

"Then sleep silly. You don't have to do anything, so you can rest." His voice was soft and soothing, almost like that of a mother rocking her baby to sleep.

----

~To be continued~

AN: So? How do you like it? Should I keep posting more, or just stop while I'm ahead...? ^^; Feedback is always a blessing; I crave it like the air I breathe. *huggles all her readers* Domo arigatou gozaimasu.

~Nevs~ v*_*v