Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ The Disasters Brought By Free Time and Neglect ❯ 03 ( Chapter 3 )

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all those who wrote a review. It's strange, I never really wrote for any reason before, but your reviews inspire me all the same. I've been completely “winging it” as far as this story goes, because my mind has a habit of wandering all over the place, so I was surprised at the way it turned out. Please enjoy chapter 3, and forgive me, but I promise that there'll be more Yuki in it soon.

 

Chapter 3

I woke up the next morning completely tangled in the blankets at the wrong side of my bed. Yawning and scratching, I made my way to the bathroom, losing my pajamas along the way and hopping into the shower to clear my muddled thoughts. It wasn't until after about five minutes of standing dumbly under the hot spray that I remembered the events of the day before, at which point I squeezed the shampoo bottle too hard and got it all over the tub, and in an attempt to save my precious globs of translucent strawberry goo, I managed, of course, to fall flat on my ass. While uttering a slew of words that I'd care not to mention, I rubbed at my poor abused posterior, and discovered that on the way down I had managed to cut it on the sharp edge of the faucet. I also discovered that translucent strawberry shampoo, while smelling “yummalicious,” really, really hurts when you get it into an open cut.

Cursing the invention of shampoo, faucets, and sharp or slippery things in general, I finished washing myself off, suddenly in a good mood. Ma-kun had called the night before, leaving a message that was trying to sound cool if only to retain what little pride they had left. I had immediately called back and after a conversation that was much shorter than I expected, he agreed to my terms, small traces of excitement evident in his voice. I wished then that things had been different for ASK, that they'd never had to lose hope, despite that they'd been the cause of their own downfall. I was just beginning to understand loss, and losing people hurts like jagged glass, but you can survive. I don't know what I'd have done if I were Taki. Not only had he lost any chance at fame and fortune, but he'd lost music as well. I'd die if I couldn't sing anymore. Although, once I really got thinking about it, Tohma probably wouldn't have done anything if I hadn't been seeing Yuki at the time, so really Yuki had been the cause of ASK's downfall. I smiled to myself, because I got some small degree of pleasure out of blaming Yuki for everyone's misfortune. I'd recently started playing a game where I'd choose a disaster and see in how many steps I could trace it back to Yuki, and even though I'm usually awful at games, I'm really quite talented at this one.

I dragged myself out of the shower in one piece, and had to do some tricky work with three mirrors to slap a few band-aids on my injured behind, and it was only then, standing stark naked and bending over backwards to examine my handiwork with the bathroom door wide open, that I realized I had company. Hiro stood fishy faced in the doorway and promptly dropped his bag. I blinked a few times, and instead of stammering like an embarrassed idiot like I usually do, I smiled and waved, walking out into my apartment before telling him casually that I'd be out as soon as I was dressed, and then strolling into my bedroom.

I threw on a shirt and some loose cotton pants, and then walked out into the apartment and gave Hiro a big hug, squeezing him as tightly as I could. Despite my training, I wasn't made of stone, and I'd missed Hiro like an amputee misses a limb. It didn't really occur to me how very long six weeks can be until I was finally talking to my best friend again. He'd been such a constant in my life; I wonder why I didn't bother giving him my new number? I could have used some company on the nights that were quiet and lonely, even if it was just contact over the phone. After brief greetings, Hiro launched into a long schpiel about how much he, Tomoko, and Ayaka had missed me and how worried they all had been, at which point I remembered why I hadn't wanted to talk to Hiro for that long.

It was a different experience altogether actually listening to Hiro for once, instead of ignoring him and whining about my own problems like I used to. It was interesting how much he had to say, and most of it was funny and intelligent and insightful. We talked about what he'd been up to for the six weeks we'd been apart, and he went on for almost an hour talking about the vacation he and Ayaka had finally managed to go on. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy, listening to Hiro talk about his family, and you could tell how much he loved his wife and daughter from the affection that oozed from every word he spoke. It made me feel even better when I discovered that I no longer resented Hiro for his happiness. We spoke for a really long time, and I always managed to distract him whenever he tried to rope me into telling him what had been going on in my life. He finally asked me flat out whether or not Yuki and I were fighting, at which point I informed him that it was kind of hard to fight with someone when you're not even seeing them anymore.

He broke one of my teacups. It slipped from his hands the moment I'd spoken, as he stared at me in disbelief. He then launched into a long lecture about how much Yuki and I fought, and how we always somehow found our way back to each other, and then he told me that I was probably blowing things out of proportion like I always do. He blamed me for the delay of our newest CD, and told me that we'd worked too hard to have something like another one of my “little fights” keep everyone else from moving on with their lives. He went on to tell me to go and talk to Yuki, and then he reminded me that we'd been together for five years, and that it would be stupid on my part to just up and leave without an explanation. Speaking of explanations, he certainly didn't wait around for mine, and he went on telling me, in that motherly Hiro tone of his, that I was an idiot. I couldn't get a word in edgewise as he threw out assumptions and hidden accusations, but instead of crying like I wanted to, I schooled my expression to look as blank and unreadable as concrete.

I had been expecting this talk from the very beginning, but I'd assumed that it would come from Suguru, not Hiro. I mean, Hiro had always served as my pillar of strength, someone I could depend on in times of desperation, and here he was telling me that I was a worthless moron who wasn't allowed to have a life of my own. Not only that, but he wasn't even letting me tell him my side of the story! And since when was Hiro ever on Yuki's side? I frowned, at which point I realized that this conversation wasn't so much about my relationship with Yuki as it was about my relationship with Hiro.

I'd left without even telling him where I was going, and we hadn't spoken for six weeks. Come to think of it, I didn't even know how he'd managed to find my apartment, or how he'd gotten in. He must have been terrified about what could possibly make me do something like this, and he was probably even more frustrated that I wasn't giving him any answers. He probably thought I had gotten myself into a really bad situation, so bad in fact, that I couldn't even talk to him about it. I mean, Hiro and I talk about everything. I listen to his long conversations on what different colors of infant vomit mean, and he listens to the detailed explanations of my sex life, so there's very little territory we haven't covered. If I were in Hiro's position I'd probably lash out at him using the touchiest subject I could think of too.

I finally stood up and clamped a hand over his mouth, effectively shutting him up. I then told him calmly that I was very, very sorry for my behavior toward him, because even I could see what an awful friend I was being. I even went so far as to apologize for all of the idiotic, messed up ways I'd managed to hurt him in all of our years of friendship. I also added the fact that my relationship with Yuki was over, and there was no way I was going to talk to him because it still hurt, but that it was nice to know that he was concerned for my welfare, even though he wasn't showing it in the most productive way. I finally let go of his mouth and sat next to him on the couch. He stared at me for a little bit, mostly because that was probably the longest I've ever spoken while still making perfect sense.

He hugged me, and I hugged him back because if there was anything I needed right then, it was a hug, and he apologized and I apologized and he poked me and I bit him and we ordered pizza and went out to buy beer and pocky. He even called Ayaka and told her what was going on, and I was stunned when he told me he'd spend the night, no women attached this time. We drank and sang and he told me everything that was going on back at work, and I told him about all the cool things I'd done on my time off, and we bonded like we hadn't done in years. He laughed for a good fifteen minutes when he discovered actual books in my apartment, and then he made fun of me for managing to cut myself on the ass while showering. I, in turn, kicked his ass at the video games I'd recently bought, and made fun of him when he tripped on a piece of pizza, and fell over completely drunk.

We both slept in my bed, which we haven't done in years, and I think by that point we were both pretty drunk anyway, so it didn't bother either of us. He pretended to snore, and I laughed, and even though we were tired we'd just be drifting off when one thing or another would make us wake up again. I waited until he closed his eyes before I told him quietly that his breath smelled like a dead cat, and he'd correct me and say that the cat was drunk, not dead, and we both laughed so hard I fell out of the bed, and onto my band-aid covered bottom. Then I yelled at him and pushed him out of bed, which then resulted in a wrestling match that Hiro ended up winning, but by that point there were no sheets on the bed anyway. We tried to put them back on but failed miserably in the dark, so we eventually gave up and just piled them on, burrowing in like two drunken bunnies. I told him about the drunken bunnies thing, which kept us awake for another good fifteen minutes, and by that point I just gave up on sleeping altogether. Besides, what's a little lost sleep when you've got your best friend by your side to suffer right along with you? We didn't end up falling asleep until about five the next morning.

I woke up at about noon with a nasty hangover, but I let Hiro sleep while I made us both special breakfasts, which consisted mostly of cereal bars and aspirin. He was awake by the time I went back in to the bedroom, and he appreciated the aspirin about as much as I did. We fell into conversation again, and it was nice to think that no matter what happened, talking to Hiro would always come naturally to me. He was kind enough not to mention Yuki again, probably because I looked well enough, hadn't been pining away after him, and might very well have gone completely psycho at him for bringing up such a painful subject. I wouldn't have, but it was nice to know that I could scare Hiro, even if it was only a little bit. It was well into the afternoon, when we were watching cartoons on my bed, when Hiro gently touched my arm and asked me when I was going to come back. I told him that I would when I was ready, and he nodded, before telling me that he really hoped that it would be soon.

He left a short while after that, talking animatedly about nothing in particular as he went off to go home. I clutched the doorframe as I watched him walk down the hallway, but I called out to him just as he stepped onto the elevator. “Monday.” I told him. “Next Monday.” He smiled warmly and said he'd call K and tell him, and I smiled back, feeling normal for the first time in weeks. I had a week and a day to begin what I needed to with ASK, but I'd stop running away from my responsibilities, and my friends. My apartment seemed empty when I went back inside, and I briefly pondered getting a roommate before I disregarded that idea, knowing full well that I'd probably end up with a complete nut job that was obsessed with Bad Luck. He'd probably either kill himself in tribute to my music or end up stealing my underwear. Either way it wouldn't end well.

Throughout the next week I met privately with Ma-kun, Aizawa, and Ken, going over plans I had for them. I was actually surprised to discover that Aizawa had written and rewritten dozens of songs, and though most of them were fairly depressing, they were all articulate and soulful. Ma-kun hadn't even been aware Aizawa had still been writing, and some of the songs discussed some extremely private thoughts, but I liked them even more for their personality. They were real, more real even than some of my own songs, and they barely seemed able to contain the raw emotion behind them. I got butterflies in my stomach. The scribbled writings I held in my hands were good. They were very good. They were what was going to bring ASK back into the spotlight, and probably to the top of the charts.

It seemed that Aizawa already had arrangements in his head, and they worked with more ferocity and diligence I'd ever seen in a band. I was giving them the second chance they thought they'd never get and they were going to play until their fingers bled, just in case they suddenly woke up and found out my offer had been a dream. When they walked into a recording room for the first time in five years, I watched their expressions carefully. Little by little, their faces regained some of the joy that I'd seen in them when ASK had been the only band on NG's list, and Bad Luck had just been a bad nightmare. It felt… right, to let them do this, to share their music with the world. How could Tohma have lived with himself when he silenced such talent? I mean he was a musician too, right? He had to have understood that burning desire that settles over your lungs and in your fingertips when you just want to play, to sing, to twist notes around your little finger and captivate the whole room. How could he have been so cruel as to deny them their music? I know that what Aizawa did wasn't right, but Tohma's actions weren't exactly worth sainthood either.

They spent most of the week tuning and tweaking their first single, taking suggestions from their new producer and manager, as well as a few things I threw out for them to consider. The company was very discrete, keeping my comings and goings a secret from the general public, and especially from those who would leak any information to NG. Tohma would probably be furious that I was undermining his authority; even though he was no longer the President of NG, he automatically assumed that everyone would comply with his wishes. If he ever got wind of what I was doing… well, he was bound to catch on sooner or later, but when he did, all hell would break loose, of that I'm certain.

As I'd promised, I went back into work the next Monday, all the while worried over ASK's progress, as well as anyone finding out my connection to them before I wanted them to. I managed not to give anything away, and Hiro looked very happy to have me back. Suguru, however, gave me a long involved speech that was almost a mirror image of the one Hiro had given me over a week earlier, to the point that even Hiro noticed the similarities. He blushed when Suguru really started digging into me about my responsibilities, at which point he finally told Suguru to “cram it” because I was having a hard enough time as it was without him making things worse than they already were. Hiro's never reprimanded Suguru before, mostly because the kid has that annoying Seguchi habit of always being right, so he looked a little bit surprised, and somewhat ashamed. He shocked the hell out of me when he went so far as to apologize for making assumptions about things he knew very little about. It was kind of sweet, knowing that they both missed me. At least somebody did…

It was business as usual for a while after that, except on weekends I worked with ASK on their album. Things were going very well, and it was almost complete by the end of that month. I'd given them a loan, and managed to find a nicer apartment close to where they'd be working so that they didn't have to travel so far all the time, and somehow we'd fallen into a relationship where we were almost friends. We talked fairly often, and even though I was still a little frightened of Aizawa, we still had civil conversations. We'd decided to release the single just before the holiday season to give us an advantage in the market, and we'd already prepared small publicity events for ASK to play at. I kept them pretty busy with things to do, but they managed to surprise me with their efforts the day before the single debuted.

Ma-kun had called me about an emergency down at the recording studio, so I got out of work and caught a ride there as fast as I could. Expecting the building to be in smoldering ruin, I was somewhat annoyed when I found everything to be in perfect working order. I found Ma-kun, Aizawa, and Ken in one of the small break rooms, talking around a cardboard box. All three looked up at my entrance, and their conversation immediately stopped. I was completely freaked out by their reaction, and wondered if they were planning anything, but those thoughts fled my mind when Aizawa stepped forward and handed me a small CD case. It was their single, the very first copy, signed by all three of them. The cover said “ASK Resurrected: Salvation” across the top, and I opened the case to see that there were two tracks, their single and a bonus track. I flipped the case over, and printed in small letters under the special thanks category was “To Shindou Shuichi.”

I hugged the CD to my chest, biting my lower lip. Ken and Ma-kun both started talking at once, telling me how they'd worked hard to keep the second track a secret from me, because they'd wanted it to be a surprise, a thank you gift from all of them for giving them back the entire reason they'd even gone into music. It was… the first time anyone had ever put so much time and thought into giving me a gift. I had given them this chance for selfish reasons, because I was bored and needed a goal, a rival, something to keep me from thinking, and they'd turned around and written me a personal apology letter, for the entire world to hear. If I'd been the same Shuichi I was before, I would have cried then, but instead I clutched at my copy like a small child. This was precious. My most precious thing.

Aizawa walked forward and thanked me softly, before pulling me aside. He started telling me about how it drove him crazy that they'd worked so hard and all I'd had to do was sleep with some author to make it big. He'd been power-hungry and stupid and completely selfish, and it had cost him everything, but it had also destroyed Ma-kun and Ken's chances at fulfilling their dreams. It ate away at him for years, what he'd done to his friends and to me, a complete stranger who'd so suddenly become the object of his hatred, and in his obsession he'd completely lost sight of reason. All he'd wanted was to destroy me, no matter the cost. He was a time bomb, a train wreck waiting to happen, he'd become completely unhinged and desperate for the attention that I was taking away from ASK. I can't even remember why, but I started to open up to him too, to tell him about Yuki and my own personal tragedies. We were… commiserating. Only a few short months before, I had thought of Aizawa Taki as a cold bastard with no regard to anyone around him, and here I was now sharing sob stories with him as though I'd known him all my life.

Perhaps Aizawa and I weren't so different after all, the only thing separating us were the different degrees of insanity. I supposed you had to be a bit crazy to go into the music business in the first place, but Aizawa had spiraled downhill, weaving his own destruction, while I had taken my insanity and used it to my advantage, ignoring the bad things that happened to me and living only for my dreams. Certainly it was naïve of me, but it made me who I was, drove my success onward, and before I knew it I was on top of the world. We were both musicians, damn good musicians, and we both knew very well how to pretend. Had circumstances been different, perhaps I would have been the one to snap first and have Aizawa attacked.

Don't think I forgave Aizawa for what he did to me. I know that there's a part of me deep down that will never forgive him, but that night I gained understanding into the fears and insecurities of one Aizawa Taki, and I discovered that he wasn't so frightening after all. No, Taki wasn't the monster I'd made him out to be in my head. He was simply human, that's all, and we were both capable of hurting and being hurt, of loving and losing everything, of sinning and redemption. The night stretched on, and when I finally departed for the night, I held their small CD close to me, as if to protect it from the cold winds that whispered winter weather onto the streets of Tokyo.