Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Yuki ❯ Smile - Be There ( Chapter 6 )

Disclaimer: Gravitation does not belong to me. Ne, I doubt Gravitation would be as good if I owned it anyway. I'm not making any money out of this either and am just borrowing its characters….

A/N: And behold! Chapter Six cometh! It's the longest chapter so far! And for a reason too! (Exams!) *_* I tried to put in here what I had in mind and I think it came out pretty well except for the.. weird stuff towards the end. Lots of Tohma in here - he's playing a big part in here - at least that's what my muses are saying. I think he's a bit (okay, a whole lot) OOC here too, but I tried pulling off the fatherly, 'eccentric' Tohma here. It's… quite hard to write Tohma, but I did try. I'll be explaining some more towards the end and… and, this is still unedited! And I won't be editing it, or won't get a chance to do so until the end of next week because of exams. >.< Well, I hope you enjoy at least - Comments and criticisms are welcome! I need them actually (to improve my writing *_*) so go press the review button down there….!

Oh, and the parts in normal are present day - the parts in italic are more like flashbacks set around one year and a month ago or so. Gomen for any confusion caused by the weird formatting.

Six: Smile/Be There

…Don't smile… not when you're not feeling happy because…

….It hurts…

If one word could sum up what almost everyone thought of the all-powerful, N-G President, then it had to be 'cruel'. Not that he minded really. Being feared was better than being looked down upon. Far better.

Tohma looked down, his gaze resting on the glass of wine he held in his right hand. With serious eyes, he searched his reflection in the deep red liquid for… he didn't quite know what he was looking for, but he knew it was something he was missing.

Maybe, he thought grimly, he was looking for his conscience. Or something else. Or.. Or..

He breathed in sharply, closing his eyes in the process, and then opened them again as he heaved a heavy sigh. Seguchi Tohma was cruel and cold-blooded, willing to do anything, anything at all, for the sake of achieving his desired outcome. And by anything, it meant just that - anything. Even murder.

His wife was not kidding anyone when she told her younger brother her husband would have Shindou-san killed if he didn't end his little, unhealthy relationship with the singer almost two years ago[1]. He certainly wasn't kidding when he told Taki he was the one who loved Yuki Eiri the most… but that didn't technically mean he was right.…

His mind was a mess and he couldn't even begin to figure out why, of all times, he was suddenly feeling… guilty and remorseful - melancholy, maybe. Probably, it was the conversation he had this afternoon with Eiri. His brother-in-law had been… forceful. As if he'd finally decided to….

He looked up, taking notice of how clear the night sky was compared to other nights. The stars were shining brightly tonight and the moon was nowhere in sight.

There had to be a reason to that, he thought quietly and was not quite sure where the thought came from. He was in an extremely thoughtful mood tonight and… and…

Maybe, just maybe, it was really because of his talk with Eiri earlier and the topic that was clearly, though perhaps somewhat indirectly, about one deceased Shindou Shuichi.

He….

"You're getting better at sneaking up on people, I see." Tohma said with a grin, purposely raising his voice.

Tohma's ears picked up the sound of clothes ruffling in the cool evening breeze and a quiet, subdued chuckling followed it.

"I wasn't sneaking up on you to begin with, Tohma-kun." The intruder countered, voice tinged with amusement.

Tohma looked over his shoulder and regarded the brunette behind him with a smirk. "So, why are you out here and not with your fiancée?"

Yukito walked over to his side and leaned over the metal railing. "I was wondering where you disappeared off to" He told Tohma without meeting his gaze, "'Sides, Ai wouldn't mind my not being there for a few minutes or so… She's still busy running through her latest game with Freesia."

Tohma had to smile at that and he folded his arms as he did so. "I didn't think anyone would notice me slip away into the night, you know?" He replied, smiling sweetly as if to mask the sarcasm in his tone. Yukito laughed and turned his head to Tohma.

"As if, Tohma-kun. Who wouldn't notice God?" the boy joked, blue eyes twinkling. He leaned back then, hands still gripping the railing tightly to support his weight, and tilted his head up. "But really. I was just curious, you know? Where you went and all that…."

"I was just thinking about something, that's all." Tohma assured the boy, unfolding his hands and planting them on the railing.

"Aa…" Yukito nodded as he leaned forward once again and then stared at Tohma in the eye. "You think too much, I think." Yukito declared after awhile and then turned to the view before them once more. From the distance, they could make out the lights from some road, and then the lights from the busier part of the city - twinkling, blinking and bright as ever.

Tohma laughed softly. "Maybe I do. Maybe - I don't hear that comment very often you know?"

Yukito grinned, but said nothing as the two of them stood in the peaceful silence, watching and listening to the faint sounds in the darkness.

"How's school?" Tohma asked finally, turning his head only slightly, just enough for him to see the brunette's face, to his right.

"How's school?" Yukito repeated slowly before turning his head sharply to Tohma's direction and breaking into a grin suddenly. Tohma could tell, Yukito had been deep in thought himself before he'd popped out that question. "It's… good, I guess. Better than last year - that's for sure."

"Doing great in your classes?" Tohma inquired and Yukito's grin widened.

"You're looking at a Grade A student!" The brunette declared proudly, placing a hand on his chest and tilting his head up slightly, before hanging his head and muttering quietly, "…in almost every subject anyway…."

"You can't be good at everything, Yuki." Tohma said softly, placing a hand on the brunette's head and stroking his hair.

"Yeah, I guess so." Yukito said quietly and Tohma immediately withdrew his hand once the brunette showed signs of movement. Yukito smiled gratefully at him and then resumed staring out of the balcony.

His gaze, however, never left the younger man, the boy, at all. Quietly, Tohma reached a hand out - the same hand he'd placed on Yukito's head a while ago - and brushed the locks of soft brown hair above Yuki's eyes away, tucking them gently behind his ear.

Yukito did not say anything when Tohma's hand remained.

"So, what brought about this change of hair color?" Tohma asked softly, in a bare whisper. "Last time it was black, and then red - I was expecting something bolder, unconventional -like pink, for example."

"Pink?!" Yukito stared at him incredulously, his eyes wide. Tohma withdrew his hand and smiled innocently at him. In response to that he blinked rapidly at the tall blonde man before him.

"Tohma-kun, you did NOT just say pink… Pink.. is… err.. uh…"

"I was just giving examples, Yuki. Don't take it too harshly." He folded his arms once more. "So, why brown then?"

Yukito shifted uncomfortably. "It's… It's for the Fes." He muttered quietly.

Tohma arched an eyebrow, the smile on his lips disappearing momentarily. "You're performing?" he said in a flat voice.

"Aa…" Yukito nodded meekly and watched as Tohma's face grew serious - almost scary - before shaking his head and waving his hands nervously. "N-not s-singing… of course!" Yukito added hurriedly, stuttering slightly. "I…I'm cosplaying, sort of, as Sakuma Ryuichi. Takumi's doing all the singing…."

"I see…." The seriousness in Tohma's face was gone all of the sudden then, replaced by the usual, calm and seemingly eternally cheerful expression. "So, why do I have a feeling this has something to do with screaming fangirls?"

"Because it is?" Yukito suggested sarcastically in an all-too-cheerful tone.

The boy sighed. "They had a poll at school - on which singers they want upstage and then which students, bishounens, they wanted to impersonate who…." He paused and looked away. "…Of course, a lot of the girls voted for Grasper's Sakuma Ryuichi… amongst other people. And since… well, a good lot of them thought I looked like Sakuma-san, they… the committee in charge of the Fes decided I could go as him since… I got voted as one of those bishounen…."

"I'm not making much sense, am I?" Yukito asked quietly.

Tohma smiled. "You're making a lot of sense, Yuki. Don't worry. So basically they're planning on having that on the Fes..."

"Mm." Yukito gave him one firm nod.

"This should be interesting-" Tohma declared, "So, who else is going to be… impersonated?"

"Well, there's Gackt… ASK's Aizawa Taki…. I forgot their band name - but all four guys in this singing group[2]….Bad Luck's Shindou Shuichi… I… I forgot the rest, to be honest."

The mention of the name Aizawa Taki reminded him of the one time he came close to killing someone and his eyes narrowed slightly, but the mention of the name Shindou Shuichi made him wince. It was just, perhaps, his luck that Yukito was too busy thinking about the Fes and what to say about it to him to notice. He was quick to make sure he was smiling, and quite naturally too, when Yukito's eyes fixed on him.

"…Actually, some of them thought it would be better to have me impersonate Shindou Shuichi…" Yukito began.

Tohma nodded slowly, the smile on his face unwavering even at the mention of Shindou Shuichi, but his eyes darkened slightly. "But people - our resident Bad Luck fan club, to be exact, objected…." Yukito hung his head, trailing away.

"…It would be sacrilege to let someone who can't sing impersonate their God, they said." Yukito said quietly in a distant voice before smiling at Tohma.

"I…totally agree with them!" Yukito said laughing as he placed both of his hands over his hips.

Forgetting all about both Aizawa and Shindou, Tohma's gaze softened as he smiled at the boy before him. "And it's not sacrilege for someone who can't sing to impersonate the great Sakuma Ryuichi?" He questioned, arching an eyebrow. To anyone else it would have looked as if he was directly insulting the brunette, which definitely wasn't the case.

At this, Yukito frowned. "Not really."

"And why is that?"

"Becau-"

"YUKI!"

Before Yukito could finish his statement, Anne's arms wrapped around his neck as she pulled him into a tight hug. "Yuki, play a match with me! Come on!"

The blonde then turned to Tohma who smiled gently back at her. "You too - two against one, I'll go and ask Freesia to get another goban….!"

"You're going to slaughter me, Ai! No way!" Yukito protested wrapping his arms around his fiancée and pulling her even closer to him. Anne giggled.

"I'm afraid I have to be going now though." Tohma said softly, glancing at his watch, "It's getting awfully late…."

"Aww… Tohma-kun!" Yukito whined. "Can't stay a bit longer?"

Tohma laughed, "I'm afraid not. You're going to have to be slaughtered alone."

Once he was outside the mansion and in his expensive car, he looked out of the window and gave the balcony a long meaningful glance. His mind drifted off to the conversation he had with his Yuki.

…When you're happy…. smile, okay?

He let a small smile form on his lips then, one that was very unlike the smile he wore on his face everyday, and drove away into the night.

---

It was warm.

That was the first thing that came to Eiri's mind when he woke from his dreamless sleep. He opened one eye and realized that he was not alone in bed, that there was someone beside him. He could hear steady breathing, feel warmth…

The temperature in his room was warm and there was an odd smell in the air. The smell was familiar, to him especially, but it was not one he'd smelled in his room for quite a while now.

He opened another eye and stared blankly at the ceiling above him, almost in a daze. He couldn't quite place it but something was wrong, and right at the same time.

He got out of bed, slipping into the pair of green fluffy slippers Shuichi had bought him months ago, and then realized for the first time that night that he was stark naked. He stared at his feet blankly and then closed his eyes.

He sat himself down at the edge of his bed and ran a hand through his bedraggled hair, which was oddly damp with sweat. Sweat?

He opened his eyes slowly and stared at his hands, not quite sure what was happening. Maybe, it was all a dream. Maybe he would wake up soon and… and…

Eiri risked a glance over his shoulder before burying his head in his hands. His bed wasn't empty. He wasn't alone. And the long blonde hair that was the only thing visible from the figure underneath his sheets belonged to a woman he picked up at a bar earlier that night.

He took a deep breath, shivering slightly.

"God." He managed to whisper as he clenched his eyes shut. He didn't know why he felt so disgusted suddenly. He'd just had sex, very good sex.

No relationship would begin from here - at least he didn't intend to start one. And if the woman - whose name he couldn't even remember - decided to pursue one then he'd lead her on, give her a copy of his keys if she insisted some more and then just brush her away and change the locks once he grew tired of her.

It was always like that anyway. Always.

"Mmm…" the woman moaned in her sleep, stirring slightly. He watched her then, not having anything else to watch and tried to remember how he met her and got her into his bed.

If he remembered right, he had been bored earlier and unable to get a scene right even after numerous tries. And then… he drove to a bar, got drunk and… and he met the girl and from there thing got heated. Then, when both of them knew there could only be one outcome, he drove her to his apartment and…

He got up and padded towards the bathroom. He tried to keep an emotionless face, really, but as soon as he got to the bathroom and saw his reflection in the mirror something snapped. He didn't know what, but before he knew it, he was retching against the bathroom door, a hand clasped over his mouth.

Disgusted. Sick. Guilty.

He clamped his eyes shut and cursed profusely. What was he feeling sick about? Why should he be feeling sick at all? He just had sex - inspiration. Didn't his body want that, need that? It's not like he hadn't done it before.

Wasn't life like this before? Bring countless women to bed; use them as 'inspiration'. Use them. Give them what they want - money, sex, whatever in exchange for what he wanted. Give them their so-called romance and love. Give them what they want. It was a wonderful life. He probably wasn't the happiest man on earth but he was extremely well off: he had money, he had success, he had fame….

And now that Shuichi, that little brat who managed to make his way into his life, was gone and for good….

That meant return to that life, didn't it? That meant return to his extravagant lifestyle. That meant more women. Shuichi would be forgotten. Nobody would think about the fact that he had a relationship with a boy, a brat, a beautiful person inside out who was honest and…..

…and pure…

..and…

God, he loved him. He loved him and he was gone. And.. and.. he was free once more - free to return to the life he so reluctantly let go of…

He tried to remember; was he even reluctant?

He found himself staring at the mirror and his reflection then, searching those golden eyes for an answer. And then, realization hit him - he could never go back. Not anymore - not after having tasted what real love was like, not after having tasted what it was like to love and be loved in return.

He'd probably written about character or two coming to the same realization, being pitted in the same situation and he scoffed at himself. Probably one of his male characters too, jaded and wayward just like him…

Just like him.

He closed his eyes, smiling bitterly, before feeling something warm and wet roll down his cheeks.

God, he was crying. Crying of all things he shouldn't be doing.

Crying.

Gathering himself, he walked calmly into the shower and turned the water on, hoping to wash away more than the sweat and the smell on his body.

---

"Hiro! Wait!" Ryuichi bounded across the hall, his eyes fixed on the tall brunette who was walking away at the moment. "Wait! Hiro! Please!"

Hiro ignored the older man, his eyes slightly closed as he made his way to the elevator.

"Wait!"

A pair of hands grabbed him by the shoulders and Hiro was forced into a halt. "Hiro. Please." He heard the vocalist say in-between gasps. He turned around slowly and regarded the older man tiredly.

"Sakuma-san, what is it?"

"Don't go. Please." Ryuichi said simply. His hands never left the guitarist's shoulders.

Hiro took a deep breath. "There's nothing left here for me." He explained, forcing a small smile. "It's time I moved on."

"Move on?"

Hiro gave him a nod. "I'm leaving the music industry for good, Sakuma-san. I… thought about it last night and I've come to a decision-"

"But you can't! Shu-cha---!"

"Shuichi's dead and Bad Luck is nothing without him." Hiro said matter-of-factly. Ryuichi pursed his lips and let Hiro brush his hands off his shoulders.

Hiro gave him a slight bow. "It was nice working with you guys." He told him before spinning around and continuing for the elevator.

Ryuichi stood there, staring in disbelief as Hiro continued walking away. The elevator opened with a ding and he watched unblinkingly as the brunette stepped into it.

"Shu-chan…" He whispered softly under his breath, his eyebrows furrowing as he frowned.

"Ahh.. wait… wait.. I'm going to the ground floor too-"

"Nakano-san, can you wait a bit?"

When he looked up, he realized the elevator was still there, and that Hiro wasn't alone in the elevator.

"Shu-chan, I'll make him stay.." he whispered softly as he bolted into a run and gave whoever was making Hiro wait a silent 'thank you'.

"Ahhh.. Sa-Sakuma-san?!" someone behind him cried the moment he ran into the elevator and placed a hand to keep the doors from closing in behind him.

"Shu-chan would want you to continue playing, continue making music." His gaze met Hiro's as he spoke seriously. "Shu-chan would want you to continue your dream…" He trailed away and looked over his shoulder, regarding the hyperventilating N-G employee behind him with cold indifference. He stepped out of the elevator but he let his hand remain, holding back one of the sliding doors.

"…for him." He continued softly and then let go, stepping back completely and letting the elevator doors close before him with a swoosh.

He sincerely hoped Hiro would understand.

---

He realized as they pushed him back against the wall, that blood tasted somewhat like metal; metallic, cold, and salty. A mixture of everything.

"Jerk. You think you're better than us?" one of them bellowed before delivering a punch to his stomach and causing his knees to buckle beneath him.

Someone grabbed him by his collar and lifted him up effortlessly. He couldn't make out his face but he recognized the voice to be that of someone from his Music class.

"We'll teach you not to think so highly of yourself." He was thrown against the wall and he slid down painfully to the ground.

It was cold.

Tears were threatening to roll down his cheeks any minute, but he wouldn't let them see him cry. He would be strong. He wouldn't fight back, either, since that would be sinking down to their level. What did he do anyway?

All he did was introduce himself, all he did was show them what he could do with the keyboard…. That was all he did, he was sure. He wasn't one to brag - he didn't have much to brag about. What can anyone in his shoes brag about anyway? Except, perhaps, the loving woman he was engaged to…

"Just because you screw that Mizuki girl doesn't mean you're any better than us." Someone cried. "Oh, heh... is that why you were sent as an exchange student too? Because she paid for you? Normally they don't do that but you're an exception, aren't you?"

"Keep Ai out of this…." He hissed, his jaw clenching. Someone laughed.

"Ooh... we better keep Yuki-chan's Mommy out of this…" He clenched his eyes shut, hoping he'd never have to tell Ai about this. Mommy? Was it wrong to be engaged with and to love a woman who was almost six years older than him? Was it wrong?

"Come on now, people. Let's not be mean to little Yuki-chan, now. We wouldn't want big ol' Anne to come and chase us with sticks, would we?" Another one said. They laughed - there had to be at least five of them all ganging up on him like this.

"Shut up." He muttered, his hands balling into fists, his knuckles turning white.

"Ehhh….? What are you saying?" Somebody grabbed him by his hair, and he let out a weak cry. He couldn't see them clearly with the light overhead shadowing their faces.

"I said shut up." He whispered, clearer this time.

He found himself being lifted up by his hair. "What? We can't hear you, Yuki-chan."

"I said SHUT UP!" He yelled.

"Asshole." He heard somebody say before being thrown against the wall roughly. He ignored the sharp pain on his back from the impact and got up immediately, a fist raised to deliver a punch.

"Don't you ever dare mention her name like that, ever!" He cried as he punched the nearest person to him square on the face. He saw blood and felt pain as his knuckles came into contact with someone's nose.

"Ooh.. Yuki-chan's fighting!"

"Bastard - my nose!"

"Want this…?"

Somebody grabbed him by his wrists and before he knew it he was held up against the wall, a small pocket knife held up against his throat.

"You're cocky, aren't you?" he heard the person hiss. "You know, I could kill you right here, right now and have my dad make sure nobody ever finds out."

"Try." He hissed, glaring at the person whom he realized was the half-American, half-Japanese exchange student seated behind him in class; Sena, if he remembered right.

"Bastard-" Sena hissed and he closed his eyes.

"Sena Robinson, isn't it?" the voice was familiar and the parking lot became deathly quiet. "I don't think your father would appreciate it if you went on killing your classmates like that."

There was a cheerful tinge to the voice, and he slid down to the floor when Sena released his hold on him.

"You…."

The sound of footsteps coming closer filled his ears and he opened his eyes weakly when the footsteps stopped.

"Fujiwara-san, I told you not to wander off, didn't I? New York is a very big place to get lost into…" He found himself staring into a pair of hazel eyes, and a familiar face.

"Seguchi-san?" he croaked, lifting his head slightly to get a better look. Blonde hair, black hat, feather-collared coat - it was definitely the Seguchi-san he left a few hours ago in the park… or was it the shopping mall?

Seguchi helped him up and then turned to the group of boys who'd ganged up on him. "I wouldn't suggest you stay around long enough for me to recognize you all, you know." Seguchi told them sweetly, smiling at them like he was talking about his daughter instead of giving them a clear warning.

And he watched as they stared at the tall blonde before them and realization dawned on their faces. They left then, in different directions, leaving one stunned Sena Robinson standing a several feet away from him and Seguchi.

Seguchi then turned to the young Robinson, the smile still in place, but his eyes narrowing dangerously. "And you, Mr Robinson. I wouldn't suggest you come within ten feet of Fujiwara-san here when I'm around, or anyone I know is around, you understand?"

Sena froze and took a step back, suddenly looking extremely pale. He gave Seguchi a curt nod before breaking into a run.

"Fujiwara-san, you had me worried back there." Seguchi declared, spinning around to face him. The older man took his hand in his and began dragging him to where his car was parked.

"Aa…. Gomen, Seguchi-san." Yuki whispered, bowing slightly, once they came to his car.

Seguchi smiled at him, and he suddenly felt uneasy. "It's okay, Fujiwara-san."

"Aa… I.. I can't let Ai see me like this. Can't.. let her know… You.." he looked up at the older man hopefully. "You.. won't tell her, will you?"

The car door opened. "I won't, don't worry." Came the soft reply and Seguchi motioned for him to get into the car.

"I picked up fast food on the way here since I figured you would be hungry when I find you." Seguchi told him as he pointed at the paper bags at the back of the car. "Help yourself."

"Arigato." Yuki said, bowing his head once more before closing the door after him.

He grabbed a hamburger from one of the paper bags and soon they were driving. He couldn't help but notice the smile that never wavered on the older man's lips though. He couldn't help but… but..

…feel.. sad?

Seguchi was not pleased. He was beyond displeased - there was something else in those eyes that Yuki could not quite understand. Something that was... familiar and yet he couldn't quite place a finger on.

"Seguchi-san." Yuki began in a soft whisper. "…Don't smile…"

The car stopped moving and the older man stared at him, his expressions unreadable.

"You shouldn't smile like that." He told the older man with all sincerity. "Not when you don't feel like smiling at all….not when you're not feeling happy at all…"

A hand reached out, covering the space between them, running through his dyed blonde hair and pushing him closer into a tight hug.

"…Because it hurts.." Yuki continued, not quite sure of what was happening but sure what he was saying was right.

"God." He heard Seguchi whisper.

And neither knew, nor understood, what was happening and why. [3]

---

[1] Volume 8 ^_^

[2] I couldn't help but think about Weiss Kreuz, really. In here, I think I'll have them as a group of singers…or.. more like, in here, they're in a mission where they have to be singers! Yeah! *_* Must be the coke….

[3] There's a reason for this flashback. I swear. And it's not like THAT! >.< Comments, anyone? Be nice…?

Anyway, response to reviews again! :-D (Yay - keep the reviews coming and I'll finish this sooner… I mean, I'll have the chapters up faster : -D I'm such a sucker for reviews…)

CTFA, Vince and Payu - Thanks for adding me to your Favourite Author's list - I'm so happy.. ! XD Not much plot development here, but I hope you like this chapter anyway.. >.< *panics* I hope it was good enough! :-O! And this isn't my first fic, really. It's my first anime fic - but not fanfic in general. ^^;; I've done videogame fanfics before… ^_^;; I'm not very good at writing anime fics, I know - videogame characters are a bit more easier to write about…

anime-earth - Rage stomped into Tohma's office, her trusty bazooka resting on her right shoulder, and then pointed said bazooka at the N-G President who was sitting calmly on his desk……^^;; I'd love to do that, actually, I was playing with the idea but I don't think it my muses (*coughs*) would like that very much… ^^;; So, for now, Rage will be keeping her bazooka in a safe… And this chapter was longer too - though if it's any good… I don't know…

hopemia - *takes the time to worship hopemia* :-D I love your fanfic Breaking Away - but I think I've said that many, many times already… ^^;; *blushes* I was so happy/surprised to see your review ^_^. A hint though; the fishy business with Tohma might not be the fishy business you're thinking.. but.. fishy nonetheless, I guess? ^^;; (Not making sense? ^^;; ) I'll make sure to drop more hints on later chapters… And I like the manga better too! And I don't think Shu-chan will kill himself too like that… but… *whistles*

*dances*

^_^