Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Kyou Kara Maou Fan Fiction ❯ Justice! ❯ Epilogue ( Epilogue )

Warning: Extremely cracky humor ahead. I know I said the story was completed in the previous chapter, but the birthday girl, for whom this tale was written, contributed an epilogue of her own. Written by the birthday girl herself, Pamela Regina!

“Dr. Rush, Special Agent Chang is here.”

“Thank you, Karin. Keep him waiting pointlessly for about twenty minutes until he starts to fume, and then send him in.”

“I understand, Doctor. You really like to torture these field agents, don’t you?”

“Sometimes I do torture them just for fun. But, in this case, I have a small score to settle with Agent Chang involving traffic detail in a school pick-up zone.”

ooOOoo

“Ah, Agent Chang, do come in. Would you like to lie down here on this comfy couch?”

“I will sit …. here, woman… I mean, Doctor,” Wufei replied curtly, attempting with only partial success to sit stiffly upright in a chair intended for the spineless lolling of the mentally anemic, among whom Wufei assuredly did not count himself.

He was here only because otherwise Maxwell would continue to follow him around, and send him e-mail, and leave him notes, and call him at home, and drop by uninvited and unannounced, nagging him to make an appointment and extolling the virtues of this, this …female head quack who called herself a psychologist. He had even heard Yuy grunt what sounded suspiciously like an agreement at lunch the other day, although perhaps that was merely because Maxwell’s incessant harassment had worn through even Yuy’s iron resistance to auditory torture.

“Well, wherever you feel comfortable then. Would you care for some tea, Agent Chang? “

Wufei relaxed minutely; perhaps the woman was not totally without some sense of propriety. “Yes, thank you; that would be pleasant.”

“I find that a nice cup of tea helps to put people in a more flexible state of mind,” she murmured, handing Wufei a sturdy mug embellished with a violently colored and cartoonish caricature of … Duo Maxwell?!

Wufei averted his eyes from the design just in case the sudden lack of the actual irritating intrusions of Maxwell into his orderly routine, day and night for the past several days, was causing him to hallucinate the presence of the baka annoyance, and then found himself fortuitously distracted by the unfamiliar but pleasing aroma wafting upwards with the steam from the pale golden liquid in the mug.

Wufei sipped cautiously at the brew, paused, sipped again and raised an inquiring eyebrow, which, due to the tension of his tightly tied tiny ponytail, created a ripple effect all the way to the back of his head.

“It’s my own blend,” the doctor replied to the implied question. “Three parts Green Dragon oolong to one part Jack.”

“Jack?” Wufei said doubtfully. “I am not familiar with that blend of tea.”

“No, I don’t suppose you would be. It’s a pre-colony, uh …, grain based infusion from a place called Tennessee. Most people find it very relaxing and conducive to free association.”

“It is … palatable,” admitted Wufei, recklessly committing himself to being agreeable. The flavor was unique, but unfamiliar. Yet the brew had a haunting undertone that Wufei felt ought to be familiar. Or perhaps it was in the aroma. It smelled like …, like … something to do with Maxwell? What could it possibly have to do with--?

Then Wufei could very nearly see the light bulb blinking on over his head and suffered a brief Ouran-flash before his mind cleared enough to inform him that it was the same aroma that had clung to Maxwell the night he had appeared on Wufei’s doorstep affectionately inebriated, full of inhuman good cheer and … whisky!

Wufei spluttered, and only a lifetime of a scholar’s and a warrior’s combined disciplines prevented him from expelling the foul liquid right on the floor. Instead he dribbled the stuff awkwardly back into the mug and set it down with such force that the liquid sloshed irritably in its container, kind of the way sand might stir irritably if Wufei had happened to have a giant gourd of magically infused sand, which he didn’t, because, of course, that would be ridiculous.

“Alcohol!” This tea has been polluted with fermented grain alcohol! “ Wufei exclaimed. “Fool woman! I do not foul my mind or desecrate my body with inebriating substances!

“Now, now, Agent Chang. Actually, it’s corn liquor, not grain alcohol, but let us not lose our focus on what brought you here today over some unimportant little confusion. If you don’t like the tea, you don’t have to drink it.”

“Tea?! You abuse my very ancestors by naming this abomination tea! Are you trying to poison me?!”

“Well, moving on now,” The Doctor, I mean, the doctor continued, apparently inured to client ranting to the point of deafness, “let’s put that little misunderstanding aside and focus on the reason we’re here today. Would you like to tell me a little bit about yourself, Agent Chang?”

“No.”

“Ah, I see. Well, would you like to tell me how you are feeling today?”

“You mean besides deceived, misled, tricked, duped, and betrayed be a so-called medical professional?”

“Good, good; just let all those feelings out. Let them out and … release them to the wild. Or the wind. One of those things. Could you tell me why you decided to come here today?”

“To get Maxwell off my case.”

“That’s a starting point. Why in particular do you think that Agent Maxwell is ‘on your case’? And, do you often have these feelings of persecution about anyone other than Agent Maxwell? “

“Persecu --! Feelings of --? I am not paranoid! Maxwell truly is the most annoying person in the known universe.”

“Really? That’s very interesting, Agent Chang, because that particular fantasy is almost a universal construct among the Preventer agents I see in my office. In fact, I’m writing a little article on the subject of group transfer paranoia based on it.”

“…”

“So, you have feelings of being watched, or haunted, or perhaps stalked by Agent Maxwell?”

“Yes! That is, no! Not all the time. Only the past few days because he wanted me to make this appointment to talk about--” Wufei’s voice descended suddenly from controlled irritation to a hesitant monotone. “About … an experience I had a few days ago.”

“I see. And was Agent Maxwell a factor in this experience?”

“No, Maxwell wasn’t there; at least, he was there before, and the again later when I came back, but he wasn’t there during …, during it.”

“Oh, good. Agent Maxwell was only there at the beginning and the end, but not in the middle. That seems like progress! Can you tell me more about this experience you had?”

Wufei’s warrior spirit held its head and groaned inwardly. This was going to be a painfully counterproductive session, but neither could he leave and admit to total failure, because Maxwell would just start it all up again.

“It began when I was in the men’s restroom in Preventers’ Headquarters,” he began reluctantly.

ooOOoo

“That’s a very interesting … uh, story, Agent Chang. There is one element in this waking dream or hallucination of yours that I feel requires further exploration; it could very well be the key to a repressed motivation that triggered your experience. So, tell me, how did you feel in your dream about wearing women’s clothing? Were you at all embarrassed by that, or did you enjoy the experience to some extent? Or, perhaps, was your reaction a mixture of both?”

“I was not embarrassed, but neither did I enjoy it. I was in disguise and undercover. It was a necessary part of the operation. A completely successful operation, I might add.”

“Well, let me put it this way: did you feel attractive in this dress, or that others found you attractive and would love you while you were wearing a dress more so than when you wear your Preventer uniform?”

“...”

“Have you ever thought about, or fantasized about Agent Maxwell wearing a dress?”

“What?! No. Never! I do not want to see Maxwell in a dress. Ever! Why would you even ask a question like that?”

“It’s a somewhat popular fantasy in some … circles,” the doctor replied, looking unusually coy. “Are you sure you’ve never had that dream?”

“…“

“Agent Chang?”

”I would like to inspect your professional credentials and license now, please.”

”Agent Chang, in professional psychobabble terms, sometimes the ego provides excuses as a means to allow the id to fulfill its secret but shameful desires, while your subsequent anger and agitation could be the result of your objective super-ego attempting to suppress the --

“I am not agitated! Or, I was not agitated until Maxwell insisted on trying to help me, which I did not require to begin with.”

“No, of course you’re not. Let’s call it … concerned. You’re concerned that your dream in which you enjoyed wearing a woman’s dress, and not just any dress, but an elaborate period ballgown, might indicate a sort of unrecognized yearning –“

“Baka!” Wufei reigned in his rising temper with obvious difficulty. “I did not wish to wear a dress; it was a professional necessity! And that has nothing to do with the fact that this event occurred! It was not a hallucination! I am not crazy!”

“No one said you are crazy, Agent Chang. I know for a fact that you are an intelligent and rational man. And therefore I know that you really want to understand what happened to you and why you experienced this unusual… event. Isn’t that why we are here today?”

“…”

“Well, then, let’s leave the topic of, uh…you know, aside for the moment, as it seems to upset you so much, and look at a different aspect of what you remember about this that could also be a key motivator. Can we do that now?”

“…”

“All right. So, Agent Chang, while you were in disguise for this covert operation, were you aware of wearing lady’s lingerie as well, and, if so, how did you feel about that?”

ooOOoo

“Doctor Rush! Are you all right?”

“Of course, Karin, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, I just thought -- That is-- I heard that dreadful shriek, and then Agent Chang just stormed out of your office, and his face was all red, and he was sort of hunched over with his hands balled into fists, and I’m afraid some of the things he was muttering might have been threats.”

“Sadly, it does seem that Agent Chang is having some serious problems. I’m afraid I am going to have to recommend further treatment sessions for him to Commander Une. Required sessions. In the meanwhile, he will have to remain on restricted duty, probably crossing guard patrol. It’s very sad to see such a dedicated and effective agent lose his marbles like that. But, on the bright side, I can probably get three or four articles published on his case history. It’s really very unusual.”

“Oh, Doctor, you’re so good and caring!”

“Why, thank you, Karin. Would you like a cup of tea?”

Fini