Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Finding Peace ❯ Part One (The Beginning) ( Chapter 1 )

Finding Peace pt.1

By: The Firefaery

***

"Is there really a baby in there?" my younger sister Ako asked curiously, closely studying my abdomen, which was covered by my baggy gray sweatshirt. She was a younger version of me, or rather we were both copies of our mother. She had the same tow hair, almost white from her constant play in the sun, with delicate features and high arching eyebrows, and a red bow holding her hair back. Her eyes were a bright cerulean blue that caught your attention immediately when you first met her and for only being seven, she had her own innocent allure that brought her many friends. I often wondered what having close friends as a child would have been like. My own eyes were an opaque blue-gray that many seemed to find disconcerting when I trained them on a particular person. The war created many like me, though I was probably one of the lucky ones.

"Yes, there's a baby in there, but he's very small right now," I answered her in a soft tender voice, placing my right hand over the aforementioned area. Ako was my half-sister, a product of my mother's second marriage. My father died when I was five, a casualty to the fighting among the space colonies and Earth, leaving me with few memories of him, though we had an album of the years we'd been given. I thought of him sometimes, but it was like a dream, a fuzzy recall that would drift out of my reach as the cold reality of the real world returned by some sudden action. When I was younger, it would be the news broadcasts of one more city destroyed, some other child who had lost one parent or both. I realize sometimes how lucky I am to still have my mother. The Romefeller Foundation, or OZ, was a major force during my childhood and teen years.

"How did it get there?" she asked, sitting on the arm of the one chair in my living room while I sat on the couch nearby. I shook my head, not willing to divulge the details of my child's conception to a wide-eyed seven-year-old. When I was fifteen, my mother had met a man, and they had married soon after following a whirlwind love affair, as she liked to joke. This was after the war had ended with the help of the enigmatic Gundam Pilots. As the year rolled around towards my sixteenth birthday, I was oh so proudly presented with a baby sister almost two decades younger than me. Needless to say, little Minako, Ako for short, and I weren't very close, though I did try to spend time with her. At twenty-three and counting it was a hard thing to accomplish, but I set aside a weekend every month or so for Ako to come spend with me.

"I'll tell you when you're older, Ako," I assured her, pretending not to notice the indignant huff she gave at being thwarted in her curious ways. She stuck her tongue out at me, in my mind only affirming my decision to spare her the details.

"Sena, I'm almost eight! I'm practically an adult!" she cried, pouting. I was reminded of the many times I'd used that same expression on my mother. It made me doubly grateful that I was now immune, seeing as how every time I'd used, it had worked. Her personal nickname for me squeezed my heart a little, though. I was born Serenity, but most called me Serena, and a select few Tenshi. As Ako learned to talk, her toddler mouth had trouble with the many syllables and had shortened and changed my first name to Sena.

"Ako, you will be an adult when you realize that there are certain times for questions, and other times for answers," I told her, doing my best to be frustrating and obscure. Apparently I'd picked it up quite well from Sets, because Ako gave a groan and smacked her forehead. Chuckling, I stood and went into the compact kitchen of my London flat, calling behind me. "How about some cocoa?" The agreeing shriek was predictable.

The next night, after seeing Ako safely back to Mother's, I lay in bed staring at my plain white ceiling thinking about my situation. I had no boyfriend, no partner, no husband or close friends. There was always Mother and Ako and, though I didn't think about him much, Geoffrey, Ako's dad. I barely spoke to him, if I could help it. By the time he came around, I was already grown and I didn't have room in my life for a replacement father. The war was over and now was a time to rebuild the lives destroyed and buildings tumbled, but the space in my heart where I'd kept my love for my father was and would always be a crumbling ruin. I rolled over on my still flat stomach, apprehension filling me.

"What am I going to do when the others finds out?" I whispered into the dark, pleading for an answer to my fears. No answer came, and I was thrown back into memories.

When my father died, I had a lot of aggression and confusion built up in my little body, and my grieving mother gave me the only course of release she deemed fit for her daughter. It also helped assure her that I would at least have some protection should London be attacked. She enrolled me in a martial arts class after we moved from my father's homeland in Japan to the distant and unfamiliar England where she came from. Throughout my growing years, and on up through junior high and high school I let it all out on the mat, becoming a reserved and silent figure on the scenes of my peers' society of close knit post-war teens.

Martial arts was where I could be myself. It was a place where I could rage at my father for leaving us, lash out at my mother for letting him die. I could, in my mind's eye, stop the soldiers from killing him and we would still live in Japan as a family. And later on it was where I took my hurt and despair when Geoffrey and Ako came along. My opponents took on the faces of the people I held my anger against, and I was unbeatable. I had a special quality, my sensei said, to bring my awareness to a point, and focus so intensely on the task before me that I could not be stopped until I had reached my goal. It was not unlike the berserkers of the Middle Ages who had to be knocked from their horses and rendered unconscious before their own allies could get near them.

When I graduated from high school, I had no real destination set in my mind. The world was an unstable place, six years after the war and five after the Barton Foundation incident. I wasn't sure about college, even if I'd done relatively well in academics. And I couldn't see myself as some secretary to a rich English business tycoon. The thought made me cringe. I would stifle and shrivel under circumstances like that. To get perspective, as a sort of treat to for me and a remembrance to my father, I went home to find myself. I can see it still in my mind; the endless blue horizon of the Pacific Ocean, suddenly broken by a line of islands that was Japan.

I wandered the streets of Tokyo, eighteen and not really sure what I was searching for. Perhaps the thing that had left me when my father died. I sometimes think it was my heart, but now I'm not sure. Perhaps it was just my awareness of emotions in myself. After he died and we left Japan, I withdrew from the world and kept only one emotion intact; anger. Anger at all who where happy and whole, untouched by the war. Anger at those who caused it, and for those who killed my father.

It was spring and the Sakura trees were in bloom along the sidewalks. I came to a hill in a quieter part of the great sprawling city with long stone steps leading up to a Shinto Temple at its peak, and something urged me to climb them and walk among the blossoming forest that surrounded the temple.

It wasn't a hard hike up the many steps, as the years of training after school and on weekends proved valuable outside of tournaments. A small shrine and a few larger buildings, presumably the house of the priest, where all that broke the edge of the Sakura grove. I bowed to the shrine and walked along a well-worn path towards the trees, the calming scent cherry blossoms surrounding me. A breeze blew up and a few fallen petals floated by on the errant wind, swirling my short-cropped hair into my eyes. I closed them to better enjoy the sensations, finding a sort of restful solitude in the silent trees. The rustle of footsteps behind me made me open my eyes and turn.

I met the amethyst gaze of a woman dressed in miko robes who was perhaps a little older than me. A cascade of raven dark hair flowed down her back, contrasting sharply with the white shirt she wore as part of the traditional garb. She bowed to me solemnly, than righted herself and smiled.

"Konnichiwa, stranger. You are well-come to our temple," she addressed me, her entire body radiating the serenity I was named for but had never attained. The Japanese made me pause, but my mother had made it a point that I knew both languages in honor of my father.

"Konnichiwa, honored miko," I intoned, bowing in return. She laughed slightly, shaking her head.

"Iie, such formality is not necessary here, miss," she admonished, looking back towards the still courtyard that the few buildings were centered around. "Watashi wa Hino Rei," she added, bowing again. I nodded, thinking that the name suited her well.

"Watashi wa Tsukino Serenity," I returned, bowing also. I could only hope secretly that I didn't pull something from all the bowing I would be doing during my stay here.

"Ah, so you are Japanese!" she exclaimed, sighting on my traditional last name. I nodded slightly, finding myself becoming comfortable with this woman I had just met.

"Hai, my father was Japanese," I admitted as the wind picked up again and a full blossom glided slowly to the ground in front of me. I stooped carefully and cupped it in my hand before it touched down, marveling at the simple beauty it held. The delicate petals were connected in a star shape around the small green center, their colors ranging from a slight pink blush to a vibrant fuschia. "He died eleven years ago, at the very beginnings of the war," I added, surprising myself with my sudden openness.

"It is good you have come back to Japan," Hino-san said, startling me out of my study of the flower. I blinked at her in confusion, not quite understanding her words.

"How did you know I had just returned?" I demanded softly, looking her over again. You never knew about people these days, even wise temple mikos. I knew there were still soldiers left from the war, and she was old enough to have served as something. She smiled that serene smile I was beginning to find annoying.

She closed her eyes and turned her face into the wind. "The Sakura trees told me," she replied after her dark mysterious eyes opened again. There was no answer to these words, and I soon left the temple grounds. I eventually found myself in a Western style café, a cup of cocoa in my hand. I could drink cocoa at any time in the year, be it summer sunshine or bleak white winter. I was brooding, though it isn't something I like to admit. The idea of the strange woman at the temple talking to the trees should have seemed absurd to me, but something inside me told me it was to be expected. Just one more thing about old Japan that hadn't changed with the times. A slender figure sat down in the booth across from me, but it took me a moment to register this fact.

"Tsukino-san?" the woman queried, breaking the loop my mind was caught in. I looked up to meet a pair of brilliant garnet eyes staring out from a dark face.

"Hai- who are you?" I asked suspiciously, not liking all this attention from people I didn't know. I studied her as she opened her mouth to answer. Her thick green-black hair was pulled back in a severe bun with a few loose tendrils surrounding her dark mocha-skinned face. She wore a pair of khaki pants and a long-sleeved button-up crimson shirt that was bold but looked good on her.

"Watashi wa Meoih Setsuna," she introduced herself, reaching over the table to shake my hand. She was a contrast, was Meoih-san. Dark tones, with suddenly bright colors like her eyes and shirt, Japanese in appearance but with Western practices like the handshake. "I have come to offer you a job proposition," she began, speaking lowly in the almost empty café. "Perhaps we could go somewhere more private, ne?" I nodded, intrigued despite myself. It wasn't everyday some mysterious woman comes up to you already knowing your name and offering you a job. I was currently jobless and plan-less, which may have contributed to my decision to follow her to a nearby park. We found a secluded bench underneath an old oak tree and sat down. I turned to look at her.

"What's this about? How do you know me, because I sure don't know you," I added, suddenly realizing this might have been a bad idea. She looked at me calmly, my suspicious words hardly fazing her.

"As I said, Tsukino-san, I have a job for you, if you'd like it," the strange woman replied, tucking a wisp of hair behind an ear. I arched an eyebrow, silently asking for more detail. "Your father, Tsukino Kenji, wasn't the everyday news photographer he appeared to be," she began and I could feel the air whoosh from my lungs in surprise. What could she possibly know about my father?

"Nani? How do you know my father?" I asked, completely bewildered. She sighed, crossing her legs and leaning back against the bench.

"I can see this may be hard for you to believe at first, but it's true. Your father was one of the founders of our…hmm…organization. We're called the Preventors. We are the first line of defense, or I believe a better explanation would be that we are the ones who keep an eye on everything, and put down threats before they can become real problems," she explained, tapping her bottom lip in thought. I blinked, not really sure what to make of it.

"You're saying my father was a part of this- organization?" I asked, wrinkling my forehead in confusion. "Why didn't my mother ever tell me this?" I wasn't sure if I believed her or not, yet. She shook her head, looking into my eyes piercingly.

"Your mother didn't know. For a long time, Kenji-sama was employed by the Japanese government to keep an eye on other countries and colonies, sort of a spy. But when the Earth began to threaten the colonies, he got out, and went freelance, starting his own task force and gathering the best to him. He had help, of course, others who disagreed with the Earth Alliance, and some non-affiliated groups. But someone found out about what they were doing, and had him and some other top officials killed. It was made to look like a random act of pre-war violence, but it was really an assassination."

Her words rang of truth, and carried with them an explanation I'd searched for my whole life. Why me? Why kill him? Now I knew. It made sense. I had always known my father was special, but this- It was something great. Something to protect the world. Tears sprang to my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. My father was a hero, to these people anyway. He had always been my hero.

"Why did you come to me?" I asked, the hoarseness in my voice startling me. I gripped my emotions tightly, not wanting to lose control in front of this distant woman. She seemed not to notice my struggles.

"We've been keeping tabs on the only child of our co-creator. Now that you're of age, we want you with us." She reached over and grabbed my hands between her slender but strong ones. "Please, join us. Be a Preventor. You have the talent, you could go far here- Just think about it, ne?" she added, letting go and standing up, turning to leave. I knew then that I had already made up my mind. I had nothing else planned anyway.

"Matte!" She stopped and turned to look at me. "What exactly does this job entail?" Famous last words, I suppose.

There began my career as a Preventor. I started low, of course after I told my mother I was moving to Japan and that I'd keep in touch. I can't say she was happy about it, but by then she and I were pretty much strangers and I didn't really care. I moved into my new apartment in Tokyo and submerged myself into the job. It was research, research, research, and then some more research. Studying past records, scanning the net for information on new organizations that could mean trouble, or possible allies. I didn't meet any higher-ups for the first six months of working there. I didn't make friends with the other low-down people who worked on the same floor as me, or with those who lived in my building, either.

The high-rise we worked in was only forty stories high, a shrimp compared to the skyscrapers that towered all over the country. It was a nondescript building with gray walls and large windows on the top floor. The lower stories were solid concrete, a bunker made to withstand attacks from Kami-sama knew what.

I filed and processed, stamped and searched, did everything they asked of me without complaint, though it all quickly became monotonous and boring. Nobody paid attention to me, and I pretended to ignore them, though that was far from the truth. One of my forms of amusement, since I was young, was to study people. When I became mostly silent and distant at five, people began ignoring me, I'd noticed. They thought of me as a non-entity, unimportant. It was very easy to get close and study them, overhear their conversations and the like, without being noticed even once.

I knew the ins and outs of the floor by the end of my first month, and most of the rest of the building at the end of three months, without ever leaving my floor. I knew that Sets was lieutenant to the feared Lady Une, and that there were eight or nine mysterious, high ranking field agents that were the pride of the Preventors. They were the ones who did the hard work, the finding and nullifying of any and all threats. There were shock troops, of course, if a larger force was needed, but they were rarely called in. I had yet to see any of them at the end of my six months. It was a rather boring time, as these things went, but years later I would wish it had stayed that way.

"Excuse me, Miss Tsukino?" A voice broke through my thoughts as I typed on my desktop computer. I looked up, meeting the eyes of my superior on this floor. She seemed flustered about something, but for once I had no idea what it could be. I kept my ear low to the ground in a place like this.

"Hai, Blake-san?" I murmured, locking into her with my eyes. She blinked, looking away.

"You're wanted upstairs by Miss Meoih," she muttered, handing me a note and then turning and walking away. The woman had never liked me, but now being called upstairs by the second in command probably made her blood churn. I nodded and left my desk, taking the note and heading to the elevators.

I wore loose khaki pants with a button up dark gray dress shirt and brown dress sandals, my hair in its usual flyaway style. I didn't really try to dress up for anything, my femininity was a casual thing that I primped rarely. I wouldn't be mistaken for a guy, but I wasn't instantly ready to walk down a runway either. I noticed an elevator door a few feet away just closing, and stepped up to grab it, not really caring to wait for another one.

I stepped in, not really looking at the other man who already stood in a corner. After a long moment of silence, I realized I could feel his eyes on me. I turned to give him my best glare, which was pretty damn good, but instead was stopped when I met a pair of amethyst eyes that almost pierced right through me. He was taller than me, which isn't saying much as I'm only five feet one inch, and had incredibly long chocolate brown hair swept back in a knee length braid. I couldn't imagine having hair that long, though when I was little mine had been like that.

"Do I know you?" he asked, a rich timber reverberating from his chest. I blinked and shook my head, confused. He seemed familiar to me as well.

"Iie, I don't think we've met before," I said, looking away and watching the floor numbers rise. As the elevator kept going, I realized that no other buttons besides mine had been pushed. Either he'd forgotten, or we were going to the same floor. What could this mean? He spoke again.

"Name's Duo Maxwell," he called to me, breaking into my thoughts. I looked at him again, and he grinned.

"Watashi wa Tsukino Serenity," I finally replied, turning back to the number dial.

"Tsukino, huh?" he muttered, and I wondered if he knew about my father. I'd found that most people in the building did on some level or other, but most didn't connect it with my own last name. I was saved from more conversation starters as the bell dinged, signaling my floor. I stepped out, and was intrigued to see that Maxwell did as well. I studied the directions on the note walked down the hall, looking at office numbers. I found five-seven-three and knocked, hearing Maxwell strike up a conversation with the receptionist down the hall.

"Enter!" a slightly familiar voice called from within. I turned the knob and walked in, finding Setsuna facing me. She nodded a greeting and motioned that I sit down.

"You asked for me, Setsuna?" I queried, interested as to what was up. I hadn't talked to her since she brought me here and introduced me to Blake-san.

"Hai. You've been promoted," she stated baldly, making me blink at the abruptness.

"Really? Why? I haven't been doing anything that the more senior people on my floor don't do better, or at least as good," I pointed out, apprehensive. I hoped it wasn't because of who my father had been. I didn't want to ride on his name.

"Tell me, Serenity," she began, folding her hands in front of her.

"Serena, please," I interupted, having always hated my name.

"Serena, then. What do you know about the people on your floor? You don't socialize very often, so I'm assuming you don't know much," she quipped, slightly poking at the anger I always carried with me. My eyes narrowed slightly, and I realized this was some sort of test. So I told her everything I knew about my floor.

"I know Blake is banging someone upstairs, hoping for a promotion. I know that the guy two desks down from me has an outside informant that isn't registered on the books. I also know she's a prostitute and he's screwing her," I began bluntly. "Blake's assistant is suicidal and is planning to kill herself on Valentines Day in February, two months away. The kid who works across the row from her also has a major crush and doesn't know she's mental. Probably because half the time he's strung out and the other half he's high as a kite."

I kept going, weaving a net of soap opera style lives, with sex, lies, drugs, and some violence thrown in by the janitor who cleans our floor and beats his wife. She didn't blink throughout the whole thing, talking it calmly with no expression. "About the only person in that whole floor who isn't fucking, buying, or lying his way to the top is the girl who works next to me, and she's so shy she's probably a serial killer in disguise," I finished, sitting back and waiting for whatever reaction I was going to get. She tapped her lip in thought, something I realized was a quirk with her.

"I wasn't aware of Miss Blake's indiscretion," she murmured finally, looking at me. "Everything else, however, is perfect information. It's been confirmed by our real research agents," she added, her dark gaze never leaving me face. I didn't blink or react to her words. "Miss Serano, the young woman you spoke of, really is just a shy girl who should be a librarian and not a Preventor."

"So it's a testing ground," I stated, knowing the answer already. She nodded, a strand of dark green hair falling into her eyes and being flicked away.

"Everyone who is put in there is monitored closely for a time to ensure our trust is warranted, and since most have been there for a year or two now, they won't be going any farther. I'd be pleased if you knew who Miss Blake was sleeping with, so we could take care of it," she added, looking right at me.

"Some guy named Chiba, supposedly a real hotshot farther up. I've heard rumors that Blake's not the only one he's doing, either," I mused, finally taking the time to study her office. It didn't give many clues as to who Setsuna was as a person, just a sparse square with white walls and carbon-copy landscapes scattered around the room.

"And yet the only person on the floor who would recognize your name is your supervisor, and only because she took a strong dislike to you," Setsuna pointed out, making me think. "You know more from six months stuck on one floor than we know about one building in ten years of setting up here. I'm sure you could regale me with information about the whole complex, if I asked you." I nodded, not sure where this was going. So I was observant, big deal.

"What's that got to do with why I was promoted?" I asked finally, tired of the run-around game. She smiled a little, on to my impatience.

"You've had no formal training, but you're the best spy I've seen in years," she stated, almost grinning now. It strangely reminded me of Duo in the elevator with his cocky smile. "And we wouldn't have even noticed what you were doing, except we were purposely watching you. It took a while for even our top specialist to figure out what you were really doing, too. I wish I could see his face where he is right now."

"This isn't your office," I said, looking directly at the landscape of a forest which had a camera hidden behind it. She did blink this time, then laughed.

"You're good. I told you she would be, Trowa," she called to the picture, where I guessed a microphone was hidden as well. "This is why you're getting promoted into our upper level training program. Not only do you have brains, but you've got fighting skills, too. We've seen tapes of the tournaments you were in. Impressive, especially since you were one among over a hundred students being taught at a time. I can only imagine what some one on one teaching will produce." She trailed off, perhaps noticing my not so amused expression.

"That's all fine and dandy, but what does it mean? You aren't telling me anything I don't already know about myself," I ground out, trying to bank my temper. It would be counter-productive to blow up at my superior.

"We want you to become a field agent," she explained, and I could feel my eyebrows hit my hairline.

"Are you serious? I haven't even been here a year!" I cried, finding the whole thing strange. The field agents were the best, the top. Surely that couldn't include me.

"True, and you won't actually go into the field for another year or so. But we're going to set up a training program with our current ten agents, which will get you ready. I believe you've already met one." I groaned, realizing she must be talking about Maxwell.

"He's a field agent?" I asked in a low mutter, remembering his grin and that ridiculously long braid. She nodded, almost rolling her eyes.

"One of our best, though I'm sure nobody would believe it unless they saw him work," she sighed. "That's pretty much the point, though. Nobody would expect him to be a Preventor, let alone one of the elite. He's got a good cover. His code name is Shinigami." The word struck me. The God of Death? That grinning guy in the elevator? I couldn't believe it. "You'll learn the other code names soon enough, they're fairly simple." I only nodded, still a little shell-shocked about the promotion and all that I'd learned. "You'll meet your first instructor as soon he gets in," she said as I left to clear off my desk and move up here. I could only hope it wasn't Duo, I didn't know how it would work out. I felt strange around him.

And thus the second phase of my Preventor career began. My first instructor turned out to be the camera guy, Trowa. Also known as the Silencer, for reasons that weren't disclosed to me at the time. It took me a long time to realize that Duo and Trowa, as well as three other men, were the ex-Gundam Pilots. Shinigami, The Silencer, The Peacemaker, The Solitary Dragon, and The Perfect Soldier or Wing. They were in their twenties now, men far from the boys they'd been when they played key roles in the war.

Trowa was a quiet man, but I quickly learned to listen when he spoke. I soaked up all he had to give about electronics and computers. I could probably build a camera from a toaster if I had to. He was their Special Ops guy, with cameras and mikes and tracking devices placed all over the Earth Sphere Alliance. There wasn't a day gone by during my training with him that I didn't wonder if my shower at home was bugged by something. It wouldn't surprise me if Duo put him up to it.

As two months went by with me in training with Trowa, Duo would frequently pop up and make jokes and play pranks, often at Trowa's expense. It was odd that whenever he showed up, I had this urge to fade away, like I didn't want him to notice me. It was working, too. He almost never spoke to me. And I often wondered if that was a good thing, or a bad one. During my second month with Trowa, I was also assigned fighting instruction during the morning. My time in the office downstairs seemed so far away. I practically lived at HQ.

Chang Wu Fei turned out to be my instructor, a stoic man with a painfully tight black ponytail who frowned at me all the time. I often heard him muttering about `stupid onnas' and how unfair this assignment was. But I learned a lot from him. My skills were honed to a razor's edge, and I learned new weapons like the knife and the katana, his own personal choice over a gun. I can't say I really became close to either of them, though I respected both of them a great deal.

At the end of two months, I left Trowa and went on to politics and peacemaking with Quatre Raberba Winner, a soft-spoken guy with blonde hair and a calming manner. With him, I could let my hair down a little, so to speak. I felt like I could talk to him a little easier than with the distant Trowa or the annoyed Wu Fei. He talked of his childhood before the war, which was longer than mine. I'd been five when it hit me, but he was almost in his teens. I found myself laughing at his stories about his sisters, and later about his time living alone with the other pilots. Duo would often join us and add his bit, and I began to grow comfortable around him.

I don't know what it was, maybe one day I woke up and unconsciously decided this, but I realized I was attracted to Duo. And I don't mean that I had a crush on him, like some pubescent teeny-bopper in middle school. I mean he turned me on, revved my engine, made me hot. It was something totally new to me. I was nineteen now, but I was still a virgin, and had never had a boyfriend or even been kissed. My closed off attitude and unfriendly tendencies had repelled any guy who looked at me.

He made me laugh, though. Something I hadn't done very much of in my life so far. And I learned something about him from that. Laughing and joking, being your basic goober, was how he'd coped with the war, the death, being Shinigami. Being fifteen and known as the God of Death can do things to your head if you don't find some way to deal with it. I'd been with the Preventors almost a year, and I was due for a new instructor soon. The sessions with Quatre became important, because Duo showed up to most of them now. A week before I was scheduled to move on to an agent couple as my new instructors, Duo informed Quatre and I that he was being deployed. That was the first time I saw the darkness in his eyes.

I was worried, and I didn't know how to express it. My sessions with Wu Fei became intense anxiety releasers, and my berserker focus began manifesting itself again. I ruined three punching bags that week, but Wu Fei never said anything against me about it.

"We've always got more, Serena," he would say, watching me beat one after another into oblivion. Duo was going away, and I didn't know what to do. It hit me then, that I cared about him. I didn't just lust after him, he meant something to me. The day before he left, he followed me out of the room after my session with Quatre ended. We didn't speak for a while, he just followed me to my little corner office as I grabbed my jacket and headed down towards my car. We reached the parking garage, and stopped at my slot. I turned to look at him, finally, and he met my eyes.

"Serena, this one is going to be long. Maybe a year, maybe more." For once, he was straight-faced and serious, an expression I found didn't really fit his face. "I don't know when- I'll see you again," he finally got out, stunning me. He was going to miss me?

"You're going to miss me? Is that what you're saying?" I asked softly, clutching my jacket close against the chill wind of early spring. He lifted his right hand up slowly and brushed it against my face, making me shiver. I tried to tell myself it was from the wind, but I don't think I believed me.

"I'll miss you," he whispered, leaning in. Our lips brushed, barely a kiss, but enough to send my heart pounding and make my knees a little weak. I found it hard to swallow for a moment. He pulled back and looked at me, flashing me one of his patent cocky grins. I could only laugh slightly. I turned serious after a moment.

"Just don't get killed, ne?" I pleaded quietly, after a moment's hesitation hugging him close. He was inches taller, probably eight or nine, but we fit together like puzzle pieces. His arms came around me, and I ignored the small prick of tears in my eyes, blaming the wind again. I let go and stepped away after he released me.

"I'll be back eventually," he said, winking. "Don't forget me!" I stayed by my car until his back was out of sight, the tail end of his braid the last thing I saw.

I said goodbye to Quatre as my instructor, but kept going to him as a friend and confidant. I eventually told him of my feelings for Duo, but it didn't surprise him.

"I've known since I first met you, Serena. It isn't obvious to most people, because you keep your emotions so close, but that doesn't stop me." It was then that I learned Quatre was an empath, one would could mentally feel emotions.

"You won't tell anyone, will you? I don't want to get him or me in trouble," I said softly, staring out the window across a low horizon of building tops. "I still remember what happened to Chiba and Blake when they were caught," I pointed out, turning to look at him. Technically, all that was my fault, but nobody knew that except the higher ups.

"That isn't the same thing. He was demanding sexual favors in return for helping her rise in the ranks," the slightly red man explained, blushing slightly. It almost made me laugh. "You and Duo are the same rank, more or less. You're just in training," he added. I let a little relief trickle through me, but couldn't fully relax. Duo was gone for a year or more. Any relationship we had was non-existent right now. I decided there and then that I wouldn't think about him. I would set my focus totally on my training. It was hard at first, but after a while I sort of went into berserk mode without the violence, tuning everything else out.

My two new instructors were a couple, Ten'ou Haruka and Kaiou Michiru, a yuri couple. It didn't bother me, so it didn't bother them, and we got along fine. Their code names were Kaze and Sea, and they had a daughter, Hotaru, who they called Firefly. She was ten, and could be found in their dual office once in a while, after school or on weekends. They were my instructors in driving. It was kind of funny, really. I had my own car, and here I was learning to drive all over again. But it wasn't car driving. I learned how to fly helicopters, jets, boats, submarines, off-road vehicles like dirt bikes and quads, basically anything you could imagine. I enjoyed watching the interaction between the family unit, as well. The way they could finish each other's sentences, or get something for the other to drink without being asked. And how they were parents to Hotaru.

I'd been with the Preventors for fifteen months, and I was at my peak in fighting skills. Wu Fei refused to continue teaching me, and told Setsuna I was ready for more. So while after lunch I flew and drove, before, I learned to shoot and kill with the final Gundam Pilot, Heero Yui.

He scared me. He was so cold I got chills sometimes. His eyes were blocks of deadly ice, his face a mask of emotionless frost. With utter calm he would shoot at human shaped targets and hit a kill zone every time. His code name should have been Ice. He rarely spoke, only showed me with motions or grunts what to do. Only when he was instructing firing did he speak, to correct my stance, fix my aim, tighten my grip. I left his sessions everyday exhausted and shaky.

Duo had been gone six months. I realized I didn't even know what he was doing, but I didn't want to ask Setsuna. I had eighteen months wracked up. I was very close to being a full field agent. My hair had grown out, mainly from inattention, and I wore it in a loose ponytail. There were often three of us at lunch now, during my meetings with Quatre. Haruka and Michiru's daughter Hotaru would often join us, and she rarely acted her age. In some ways, she reminded me of myself at the age, serious and withdrawn. But then she would spill her juice, or trip, or Haruka would tickle her, and the images would split. Her laughter was too carefree to remind me of that time.

I completed training with Haruka and Michiru, and moved on to Sally Po for medical training. She was a tough no-nonsense type of person, but she could laugh just as easily as anyone else. I learned anatomy, first aid, and field surgery. Also some basic herbs, like willow bark tea for headaches and other pains. You never knew were you'd get stuck out there, and knowing how to get rid of a headache and concentrate better could be life saving. I was only a week away from my first field assignment with the last two agents I hadn't met, Zechs Marquise and Lucrecia Noin-Marquise, another married couple, when the call came in.

"Serena, I need to talk to you," Setsuna called from the doorway of the firing range where Heero and I worked each morning. I nodded and unloaded the gun, setting the clip next to it on the table before taking off my safety glasses and walking out without ever saying a word to Heero, or him to me. We entered her office and she motioned me to sit.

"What's up, Setsuna?" I asked, wondering what she had to say. Maybe it was about my assignment.

"We've just received a call from Duo," she said, watching me closely. I felt my heart stop for a moment. He'd been gone nine months, and no word. What was going on now?

"So what did he say?" I whispered, studying her. She was tense, wound tight like a spring. Something was wrong.

"He was hurt badly when the transmission came through," her words were almost inaudible, but I still heard what I didn't want to. The anger that followed me like a shadow roared to life, and I turned to look at Setsuna. She actually slid her chair back when she met my eyes. "Serena-"

"Damn it, what did he say?" I demanded, my anger barely in check. I needed to get out of here, needed to kill a punching bag. Either that, or Lady Une would be looking for a replacement for Setsuna.

"The organization he's deep in is having internal problems. Factions fights and the like. He's a high ranking man in one of the factions, and somebody put a hit out on him."

"Oh Kami- Is he still alive?"

"We don't know. The transmission is a day old at least. He said he was hit twice, once in the leg- " She paused. "He wouldn't say where the other one hit. By his posture, we think it's the chest. He was reporting to us in case he didn't live through this," she added, but I barely heard her. "Duo's a tough guy, Serena. He lived through the war as a Gundam Pilot, right in the middle of everything. He's been a Preventor for six years! This is just one more bump in the road," she ended weakly. I wasn't really listening anymore. Duo was under cover in Kami knew where, shot twice, dying or dead.

"What are you doing to help him?" I asked, looking her right in the eyes. She met my gaze for a moment, but eventually looked away.

"Lady Une has given direct orders that he is to be given no outside aid. We can't risk blowing his cover. He was close enough when he transmitted here. He's too deep to bring out without arising suspicion. We don't want to stir up this hornet's nest." Her voice was soft, and I knew she thought it was wrong. We had to help him!

"Serena, you have been directly denied permission to get him," she warned, this time loud and fully serious. "It may not be what we want, but this is an important organization, the most important, and we can't risk it crumbling because one raw field agent went off half-cocked and blew an enemy camp wide open. Stay here!" I crumbled, then. What could I do? Nothing. Duo was in too deep, and I was too new.

"We'll keep everyone updated, as soon as we learn anything new," she said finally, and I knew it was a dismissal. I walked out of her office, the world seen through the haze of my anger. I was dazed and wandering, I didn't even know where I was going. Somehow, I ended up in Quatre's office. There he was, like always, shuffling some papers around on his desk. He looked up as I came in, his eyes filled with sympathy and sadness.

"Quatre," I said hollowly, falling into a chair in front of his desk. He got up and stepped around the desk and stood next to me. After a moment, he leaned down and hugged me. I didn't cry that day, but inside something was screaming, `Do something!' It was one of the worst days of my life. Right up there underneath the day my dad died and the day my mother married Geoffrey.

Five months passed, I became a full field agent, and no word came from Duo. I learned to kill during that time. Zechs and Noin, a.k.a. Wind and Water, took me with them on a routine patrol of an outer colony ring of about nine colonies. Two of them went to war while we were there, and we had to put it down. I killed a man during that time, and for a month all I could see was my father's face as he was killed in front of my mother and me. I had to do it again and again, though, and it became too much to remember. Something I didn't want to remember. I earned my code name, too. With my white blonde hair and blazing eyes, chosen weapon, knife or gun at the fore, I looked like an avenging angel. And so I became Tenshi no Shin, Angel of Death. I learned to kill without emotion, and to live up to my name of serenity while I did it.

I turned twenty, and had two years with the Preventors. I was a name almost as well known in the dark belly of the underworld as Wing or Shinigami, Wind or Water. Tenshi no Shin, or Tenshi for short, was not someone to fuck with. I barely spoke to my mother, maybe once a month, and it didn't bother me. I felt a little bad for not seeing my imouto much, but shrugged it off. I doubt she even remembered me. Duo had basically disappeared, either dead or too deep to get out now. I tried to believe he was alive, but it was something I only did when I was alone, in the early hours of the morning. Like a dream that I wished would come true, but knew it wouldn't.

"Serena, you should get out more," Quatre urged me, his expression worried. I shrugged, not really caring. I was not at a happy place in my life right now, and Quatre tried everything he could think of to haul me out of my blue funk. I wanted to scream at him, `Bring Duo back and I'll be fine!' but I didn't. Duo was his friend, too. Today had just been a bad day. Wu Fei and Sally had announced they were engaged, and I wanted to die. I didn't know if I had loved Duo, or just cared about him a lot, but the chance to find out was taken from me. Seeing stoic, grouchy Wu Fei smiling tenderly at the tough-skinned Sally, who looked back at him lovingly, was not a pleasant experience for me.

"Quatre, I think I'll take a vacation," I murmured, an idea lighting me up. I hadn't seen my `family' in two years or so. I figured it was time to go home for a visit. See how much Ako had grown.

My mother didn't know what my real job was. She thought I worked for a law firm or something like that. It was just an excuse to get away. I figured I might even stay till after the wedding. Who knew? I doubted Wu Fei was going to ask me to be his best man or anything! I called my mom and made the arrangements. I would arrive Sunday afternoon. Joy.

I slept in my old bed that night, with familiar sheets and the same dresser and desk I'd had since junior high. It felt almost surreal, like a crazy crack dream or something. I began to think coming home wasn't such a great idea. Ilene, my mother, looked exactly the same, and so did Geoffrey. Ako, though, had grown like weed, and I barely recognized my imouto-chan. She remembered me, too. She'd thrown herself at me when I got off the plane at the airport, her little arms tight around my neck. I wasn't sure how to react, but finally I just hugged her back. Geoffrey shook my hand and my mother hugged me, and we all went like a happy little family to the car and drove home. England was as I remembered. A strange land far from the Japan I loved.

I stayed for a while, almost a month. Ako and I went to the park, the seaside, to all the touristy sights in London like the Tower. She had an English accent and was very proper and sweet. It wasn't until the day of my flight back that I realized I loved her. I hadn't wanted to. I'd wanted to hate her, or at least not like her. I didn't want her family, her dad, to take the place of how mine was. She had never known sadness or hurt, or death, even Geoffrey's parents were both still alive. She was innocent four-year-old, just a little English girl with two parents, a house, and dog. Actually, they had a cat named Artemis, but that was beside the point. Instead, I loved her.

"Damn, this bites," I muttered while walking through the airport with my mom and Ako. Geoffrey had to work as it was a Tuesday.

"What's that you said, Sena?" my mom asked, turning to look at me as we walked. I shook my head. Even my mom called me by Ako's nickname now.

"Nothing, Mom," I sighed, hoisting my carryon a little higher to ease the strain on my arm muscles. Part of the reason I was having problems was because Ako hung from my other arm, swinging like a monkey.

"Do you have to go, Sena?" she whined for the millionth time, her voice high pitched and right in my ear.

"Hai, I do. I've been gone for a month, work needs me back," I tried to explain for the millionth time, but I knew she wouldn't get it. I could hear my mother laughing behind us.

"But why?" she asked, tugging on my left arm again. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I loved her. `That doesn't keep her from being annoying.' A voice told me. I totally agreed.

"Because they do, Ako-chan." I spotted a booth set up right next to my terminal, and mentally cheered. "If you're good and don't ask again, I'll buy you something," I whispered to her. She giggled and made a zipping motion over her mouth, walking silently next to me.

We got to the terminal and I left Mom with my bag. I walked with Ako over to the accessories booth, which sold purses and belts and hair stuff. Knowing that Ako was wild about dress up, I pointed out a red hair ribbon that would look cute in her hair. She loved it immediately, and I bought it for her. After that was boarding, and having to say goodbye to a tearful Ako. It was harder than I thought it would be.

"I don't want you to go, Sena!" she cried, clinging to me like a burr. I sent my mother a look pleading for help, but she gave me one in return that said deal with it.

"Ako, my flight's boarding! I have to go! I promise I'll write you," I added, prying her off and quickly handing her to my mother. I could hear her calling after me, but I shook it off, not wanting to get mixed up in anything like that again. The flight home was long and quiet, and I tried to sleep.

* I had a dream. It was of Duo and I, and we were in a quiet park with the Sakura trees all around us. We lay together on the grass, green and thick around our bodies. I lay on his chest, his right arm around my shoulders. I could hear laughter in the background, childish and high, but the sun was warm and my lids grew heavy. I felt him kiss the top of my head, a tender gesture that I'd never gotten in real life.

"Sleep, Tenshi, sleep," he whispered, and my dream self smiled in contentment. He smelled of grass and sweat, and mischief, if you can call that a smell. Duo would forever be looking for trouble, or creating some.

"What about the boys?" I murmured, rubbing my face against the t-shirt fabric covering his chest. He squeezed my shoulder in reply.

"Don't worry, they're fine. Just take a nap," he whispered into my shoulder length hair. I sighed and relaxed, trusting him to take care of me. *

I woke up abruptly on the plane, the captain's voice murmuring through the speaker with the landing procedure. The man next to me was reading a magazine, and I sat next to the window. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to sweep the dream away. I carelessly brushed my cheeks and realized they were wet. I'd been crying in my sleep.

I returned to Tokyo, not really any better than I'd left. The world was still fucked and Duo was still gone. Christmas loomed close as did the two year anniversary of his leaving for under cover. Wu Fei and Sally were set to marry in January, and Sally asked me to be one of her bride's maids. I couldn't refuse, but the thought made me cringe. I just hoped she had good taste when it came to dresses.

Apparently good taste only applies to the bride's dress. Her maids of honor got frilly pink getups with bows in the front and back and ruffles at the wrists. I almost gagged when she showed them to us. Noin, her matron of honor, turned a sort of pale green color. It was rather amusing to watch, save that I also had to wear one.

"Noin," I whispered hoarsely to her while Sally was talking to the dressmaker. She looked at me, her eyes wide.

"What?" she whispered back, leaning close.

"You think we can threaten the dressmaker into changing these?" I suggested hopefully, the pink of it all making my stomach churn. She looked thoughtful for a moment, then sadly shook her head.

"It wouldn't be right. It's Sally's day, and she'd be upset if she thought we didn't like our dresses," she pointed out, bursting my bubble. I sighed forlornly and nodded in defeat, accepting my fate. It was only for one day.

Christmas passed quickly, and I sent a card home for the first time since I'd moved to Japan. I also sent a package to Ako, a little plushy toy of a cat, it looked just like Artemis. I began have dreams at least every other night as well. They were all along the same lines, of Duo and I together in peace. It was strange, because while I knew I cared for him a lot, and missed him horribly, I didn't know if I loved him. How could I? I hadn't seen or heard from him in two years.

* "Duo! Would you quit messing around! We have to go!" I cried, smoothing the silk of my black evening dress down over the bulge of my waistline. I was looking down and didn't notice him come up behind me. His arms slipped around my waist, surprising me, as he gently caressed my stomach. I turned to look at him, a smile stretching my face. He leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose playfully, then pulled back and did a spin to show off his tux.

"How do I look?" he asked, grinning at me. I shook my head, laughing.

"You look fine! You always look fine. Can we go now? Before he realizes what's up and won't let us leave?" I added, knowing that would get him going. His eyes darted around in suspicion, looking for an ambush more than likely. I hit his shoulder in reproof and he chuckled. I took his arm and we left our bedroom, heading towards the staircase.

"I know you don't want to be late to Michiru's concert," he said, looking down at me. "So I'll hurry things along!" He scooped me up in his arms and began running down the stairs as I held on for dear life.

"Duo Maxwell! Put me down this instant!" I cried, laughing loudly. We reached the bottom of the stairs and he gently set me down after kissing my stomach.

"Sorry, Tenshi, you move too slow," he jibed, backing away a step. I glared at him.

"If we weren't already late I'd get you back for that," I growled, folding my arms over my chest. His grin returned and he stepped up and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, leaning in for a kiss.

"You can give me my just desserts when we get home tonight, ne?" he whispered, kissing me softly. I sighed as he pulled away, then glared at him again.

"I can never stay mad at you!" I muttered, heading towards the front door, Duo trailing behind me.

"Wha' `bou me?" a little voice called from a doorway, and the man behind me sighed.

"Busted-" *

I couldn't stand it! It was like an entirely different world. I knew from the frequent dreams that the Duo and Serena in the dreams weren't in the Preventors, thought whether they had been before this time I didn't know. It was peaceful there, a peace that would never exist here. I woke up in the middle of the night for days on end, my cheeks always wet from sleep-shed tears.