Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Self-Inflicted ❯ Self-Inflicted ( One-Shot )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Self-Inflicted
Part I (Maybe the only part...)
By: IQ

Summary: Hotaru gets involved in the drug-culture of L2 and cheats on her long-time boyfriend, _____, with _____.

Rating: R to NC-17

Pairings: Hx05, Hx02

POV: 3rd Person

Ages:
Wufei-20
Hotaru-18
Duo-19
((I know, if it were in the series, this is not how it would be, but...my fic, my rules.))

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon, or any characters or settings I am using from either of these programs.

Author's Note:
This is an AU fic, so be prepared. I mean, it's not totally AU. Okay, let me explain myself before I get confused. This takes place in the Gundam Wing universe. The sailor senshi are just normal people, and only a few are actually friends.

The G-boys are not the G-boys. The Eve Wars never happened, the Alliance was not overthrown, and OZ and the Alliance are still working together. The non-G-boys, as I will refer to them from now on, do not know each other, being from such different classes and backgrounds and such. The rest you will come to figure out eventually.

Also, I know that if the Eve Wars had never happened Wufei's wife, Merian, would not be dead. I do realize this. However, in my world, she has died from cancer. So Wufei left the colony to grieve in private. Just to explain in case I don't get around to that in the fic.

Warning: This is a dark-fic. It contains the use of illegal substances, abuse of legal and illegal substances, graphic sex, and last, but not least, adultery. (Do you have to be married to do that? Oh well, if you do, then let's just say 'cheating', okay?) Please do not read if you find the previous to be offensive in any way, shape, or form.

@---/---- L2 ----\---@

Hotaru Tomoe, orphaned heiress to the Tomoe fortune, which was a grand total of zip, walked carefully down the streets of L2, occasionally stopping to lean against a building or pole for support. Again, she had overdone it. Excess, everything... The dark haired girl thought sardonically, Didn't that used to be the Americans' way of life? It seemed everything had changed to the girl, even though the only thing that had changed was her.

She knew she ought to go home, but she couldn't seem to make herself do it. She didn't want him to know, she didn't want him to see her like this. Beautiful colors swirled in front of her, colors that had no place being there at night. Brilliant reds, deep greens, electric blues. She felt incredibly light and happy, free, for the first time in a very long time. But then again, every time always felt like the first time. She was slow though, and unsteady on her feet. The result of mixing too many uppers with alcohol.

Still she went on. Overly excessive, her mother had always said. Of course, back then she had been referring to her behavior. The heels of her boots clicked sharply against the cement when she managed to take a step without dragging her feet. On a whim, Hotaru decided to stop and have one last drink before finding a place to crash. Chibi-Usa's place is nearby, Hotaru thought to herself.

The bar sign loomed up ahead of her, bright and neon. It was like looking at it in 100 dimensions. Colors, patterns, appeared in it when they had no place in being there. She pushed open the door and stepped inside to the dark, smoke-filled room which smelled so strongly of alcohol she almost puked on the floor.

He watched her walk in the tavern in her mini-skirt and leather jacket, and the boots which matched the latter. She was tiny compared to some of the women there, maybe five-foot, four inches, at the least, but with the heels she looked to be about five-eight. She was still well-rounded, though not voluptuous, but she went in and out in all the right places and to just the right degree.

Her eyes swept the room quickly as she leaned against the door jamb, and Wufei found himself wishing he could tell what color they were. They were something dark, he knew, maybe a deep blue, or maybe just a really dark brown, or even black like his own. With one hand she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then walked up to the bar.

She sat in the stool next to his, and ordered a rum and cola with ice. "Just to wet the whistle," she said in a voice that seemed to combine a low alto and bright, tinkling soprano. A voice that would sound as at home in the bedroom as it would in the kitchen, Wufei thought in his drunken haze.

Hotaru studied the man next to her as best she could, and her first thought was that he was attractive. Dark hair, dark eyes, lithe but muscular, like a dancer would be. The phrase 'tall, dark, and handsome' echoed through her mind. Then the colors started swimming again and she had to close her eyes and look away.

Her beverage came and she took careful drinks, not small enough to be called sips, but not yet large enough to be referred to as 'taking a swig'. Wufei's eyes lingered on the way her lips carefully touched the rim of the glass, parted slightly to get in enough alcohol. Hotaru put her glass down and, aware of the young man's stare, looked up slightly to meet it.

She smiled then and held out her hand. "I'm Hotaru," she said in an open and friendly manner. Wufei gave his own small smile in return, and shook her hand. "Wufei," he told her in his cultured voice, a bit rough from all the alcohol he'd downed tonight. The result was something low, that brushed against Hotaru's ears like unspun silk would brush against her skin. She shivered involuntarily, and thought Wufei noticed it, but refrained from saying anything.

Her vision was clearing up by now, so it was okay to keep eye contact, okay to drink in the details of his face without worrying about throwing up. Wufei released her hand slowly, almost reluctantly, fingers trailing down her palm until he was out of reach. Hotaru's mouth opened in a small o, and at the same time lower things in her body clenched and released. The sudden reaction was too much and she turned away to stare into the dark liquid in her glass.

He watched her watch her drink with something like anticipation in his veins. Dark, little thoughts kept running through his head, and for not the first time in his life, he wanted to let them out. She took another drink, and when she set down the glass he asked carefully, "So Hotaru, you live around here?"

"Not quite. What about you, Wufei? You live here on this dirty, rotten, piece of floating metal, or are you visiting someone? I know, touring maybe?" Her voice held a teasing note to it, but there was curiosity there too. She wanted to know.

"Just travelling. I guess you could call me a tourist," he answered back with a small smile.

"Why would you come here? Nobody tours around here." She smiled at him and this time it was sweet and innocent. The corner of her eyes crinkled slightly and she wrinkled her nose. "No offense, but it's pretty dull around here. I mean, look around you." She waved her hand to encompass the bar in general, referring to its quietness and state of disrepair.

"You really want to know why?"

"Yes, I'm dying to know," she answered, leaning forward in her seat a little.

"For the food." They both looked at each other for a minute, then cracked up laughing like only two drunk strangers can. Hotaru wiped tears from her eyes, then laid her hand on his arm saying, "Honey, if you wanted good food, you won't be finding it here, but if you came to see the galaxy's worst food, then you hit the jackpot." They laughed again, her hand still on his arm, a companionable gesture, not overtly sexual.

When the laughter died down, and their eyes locked, there was a moment. You know, one of those moments. A moment of knowing, sharing, a mutual exchange of desire. Wufei tried to keep it off his face, but apparently failed, because in the next second Hotaru leaned forward and brushed her lips against his. The kiss was light and chaste, and left him hungering for more.

Hotaru's eyes were filled with a dark light, and there was a knowledge in her eyes that said she knew whatever she asked, he would not refuse. "Where are you staying?" She asked then. "Just around the corner," he answered. The two rose almost in synch, and Wufei dropped down enough cash to pay for his drinks and her one.

Walking out, they wrapped arms around each other just to maintain contact, and as they walked around the block an almost-painful awareness built up between them. Her hip, casually brushing his side as she walked in a way that demanded you take notice. His arm wrapped securely around her waist, slim but muscular, and warm-- oh, so warm. He felt so good, and Hotaru knew that part of it was the drugs. They enhanced the senses, like only good drugs can.

---

The instant they walked in the door to the motel the heat which had built and built and built finally exploded as Wufei caught her lips and crushed her to him. His tongue teased her lips for entrance and she opened eagerly. He demanded, possessed, dominated, and she let him, aching for more the whole time.

His hands pushed her jacket to the floor, and the feel of him on the bare skin of her arms was amazing. Like nothing she had ever felt before. His fingers felt larger than they should have. A heat seemed to radiate from them and go deep into her body. With a moan, lost into the depths of his mouth, she stepped closer.

The feel of his body was an intoxicating thing from the swell of his chest, to the flat plain of his stomach, to his long legs, and especially the feel of his evident arousal trapped between them, pressing into her belly. His hands could not stop moving, from trailing down the smooth skin of her arms, to up and underneath her sleeveless blouse.

Finally her shirt came up and over her head, forcing Wufei to break the kiss as he yanked it off and onto the floor. The only covering Hotaru had left on her upper body was a skin-colored bra, so sheer it was practically see-through.

Her nipples had already gone hard and, incensed by the sight of them, Wufei leaned down and closed a mouth on her left tit. He sucked with a furious need, then captured it in his teeth and tugged it out towards him, the fabric stretching with it. A startled cry was wrung from Hotaru's throat, and her hands stopped the quest of pulling Wufei's shirt out of his pants, instead balling the fabric up as want tore through her.

Wufei straightened up and Hotaru looked into his eyes, seeing for the first time that they were the startling color of onyx, not the deep brown she'd thought them to be before. He kissed her again, forcing his tongue into her mouth almost immediately, while his hands deftly unhooked the back of the bra. Now, nothing but the pressure of their bodies kept the tiny bit of material from floating away, away, down to the ground.

Hotaru smiled a dark, mischievous smile and regained the motion of pulling Wufei's shirt over his head. He even helped by breaking the kiss, stepping back a bit, and raising his arms above his head. His motion made the front of Hotaru's bra fall away, to lay discarded on the ground. Hotaru marvelled at the sight of him at least partially unveiled and finally got to see what she had felt and a thrill of possession run through her as she ran her hands over his smooth, golden skin.

Wufei stepped close again, and ran his hands up her stomach, past the little indent between her rib cage, and up to cup her breasts. Experimentally he flexed his fingers on them, and when that made Hotaru groan a little, he kneaded them in a full motion that made her give a funny little gasp which ended in a sort of moan. She could feel things in her lower body flex with each little motion and the sensitive flesh down there just ached to be touched.

Hotaru considered reaching a hand down to soothe its complaint, but disregarded that thought as soon as Wufei began gently pushing her backwards, one hand on her waist, where it rested large and warm, and the other gliding along her body lingering wherever it pleased and teasing everywhere it went. She ran her hands up his back to rest just at his shoulder blades and willingly moved as he directed, trusting him to guide her to just where she wanted to be.

Her calves bumped against the bed and soon her back found the mattress. Then Wufei was straddling above her like a mare with a colt and he lowered his body down in a sort of push-up motion to kiss her fully and deeply. His tongue tasted and explored, and his mouth tasted faintly of scotch. Hotaru assumed that hers would probably taste like rum since that was the last thing she'd had.

One of Hotaru's hands trailed down the front of his body and brushed lightly over Wufei's erection. He broke the kiss to let out a small groan, before lowering his head to her breasts and licking, sucking, and even biting them. Hotaru made anxious little mm-mm-mm sounds as her hands carefully undid Wufei's belt, which then got thrown to the floor, and then moved on to the the button and zipper of his pants.

While Wufei was being slowly divested of his pants his hands were making their way around the curve of Hotaru's waist and back to the zipper of the skirt. Yanking it down carelessly, he tried to get it off of her, then realized that his own weight on Hotaru was preventing him from doing so. He sat up carefully on the bed, reluctant to have his body so far away from Hotaru's, but even more reluctant to keep her skirt on.

He kneeled to the side of her body to peel the piece of tight black material away from her body, and smiled as he saw the leopard-print bikini underwear she was wearing. His smile grew even wider as he realized that the material was soaked through with her own juices. Then he took note of the state of his own clothing as Hotaru looked up at him with heavy-lidded eyes.

She sat up with him then, and tugged on his pants, which just refused to come off, and said, "Off." That was a rather blunt way to put it, he thought, but slid off the bed, and stood up anyway, first removing his shoes and socks, then getting rid of the pants and underwear.

Hotaru, who was kneeling on the edge of the bed, suddenly grinned up at him, and he saw for the first time that her eyes were violet. Her hands clamped on his thighs and she lowered her her face so that it just rested along his hip. She licked a hot, wet line across his hips, then in a sudden motion, took him completely and fully into her mouth. Wufei gasped, throwing his head back as his back arched too, thrusting himself slightly into her warm, cavernous depths.

Hotaru pulled away then, and licked the tip of his penis as she shifted back and swung her legs around. She unzipped her boots and discarded them on the floor, then lay back against the bed. Her hands ran over her own body, starting with her groin and ending with her breasts, then went back down, the thumbs catching her underwear and pulling it down slowly in a striptease. She spread her legs wide enough to give Wufei a glimpse of her hot, dripping wet sex, which he oh-so-appreciated.

Wufei grabbed the underwear and slid it off the rest of the way, then began crawling on the bed towards her. He stopped at her vagina though, and settled just right there. His tongue teased in the line of where leg and hip met, running in circles until it touched her entrance. Hotaru gasped out the words, "Please, please."

So Wufei obliged and licked her cunt in a languorous movement that made her hands claw at the air. But he was not content with just that. Slowly his tongue entered her and he kissed her there like he'd kissed her mouth. Deeply, possessively. He tasted her own salty-sweet liquid, and wanted more.

In his explorations, his tongue came across a swollen bump. He wasn't sure...He licked his tongue across it, and from Hotaru's sudden gasp he knew he'd found her clitoris. He sucked on it, and Hotaru seemed to like this even more for she gave that half-gasp, half-moan again. Rather rudely, Hotaru thought, he pulled away and slid up the rest of her body, so that he was touching at her lower mouth.

He lowered his mouth so that he whispered in her ear, "Say yes, Hotaru. Say yes."

She stared up into Wufei's eyes, and wrapped her arms around him. "Yes."

She felt his body flex before he plunged inside of her, and howled with the sudden impact of it. There was no breaking of her maidenhead, having lost her virginity long ago, and yes, she had wanted it, yes, she had given her permission. Still, with an entrance as sudden as that it was a painful pleasure. However, Wufei paid no mind to her, and drew himself out again, slowly, then went in as fast and as hard as before. Every thrust was like that, and every withdrawal was so gentle and slow. Such contradictions.

Hotaru could feel something large and overwhelming looming over her, like a rain cloud, and knew it was the beginnings of an orgasm. Wanting to feel that moment of blissful abandon, she wrapped her legs around Wufei's hips, and began to move her body in time with Wufei's thrusts. She could feel it, with every thrust closer, and closer it came.

Wufei cried out when her inner walls suddenly tightened on him in a sudden flex of need, but continued his rhythm pulling steadily out of her, then slamming himself back in. He could hear Hotaru making little groans with each thrust, and finally that golden edge of bliss overcame him, sending him in to ecstasy. He let out a bell-like howl, but waited to collapse on to Hotaru until she was done jerking about from her own orgasm.

When it was over he slid out of her and rolled to the side. Lethargy overtook him, and quietly he said to Hotaru, "You may stay if you wish." He felt her nod, and turn over on her side. In a few moments he could hear steady breathing. It was this sound which eventually lulled him into sleep.

---

She dreamt that she lay beside her boyfriend, his breathing deep and even, his arm draped across her waist, holding her close even in sleep. His skin was a flawless ivory, unearthly beautiful, and his hair long and unbound, floating around her like a cloud of warm silk. She watched how his breathing made his chest rise and fall, and the fan beside them made strands of hair flutter over their bare skin.

A door slammed and she woke from her beautiful dream. The first thing Hotaru noticed was that this was not her bed, these were not her walls, and this was probably not her place. She sat up then, and groaned, remembering last night's events. The trip had worn off by then, and she looked around with wide eyes and a clear mind. She didn't even remember where she was.

"So you're up." The voice turned her to face the man standing beside a small table. He held up a bag, and said, "Thought you might be hungry." She vaguely remembered his name as being Wufei.

"Thank you," she said, surprised that her voice was so hoarse. She cleared her throat and slid out of the bed, wondering if there was a robe around here somewhere. "Over there," Wufei said, and pointed to an armoire. Hotaru opened the doors, and sure enough, on the inside there was a deep blue robe. She pulled it on, embarrassed by her nudity.

Tying it, she walked over to where Wufei sat, and he gestured for her to have a seat. She did so, sinking into the chair gratefully. The robe dwarfed her and made her look small and child-like. Hotaru looked inside of the bag he'd brought, and there were two doughnuts inside, just plain old glazed. Just the way she liked them. "Do you have anything to drink?"

Wufei nodded and indicated the styrofoam cup in front of her. "Coffee," he said simply. "Thanks," Hotaru replied gratefully and took a huge drink of the black coffee. She took out one of the doughnuts and began eating it. "I hope the doughnuts are okay," Wufei said hesitantly, "I didn't really know what kind you'd like." "They're perfectly fine. Thank you," Hotaru said before taking another mouthful.

Breakfast was eaten in silence, then Hotaru went about gathering her clothes. "Um, Wufei, do you mind if I take a shower?" She asked, unsure. "Sure, it's right through here," he said, and opened up a door. She peeked inside the bathroom, then nodded her thanks and went in.

Turning the hot and cold knobs to the perfect temperature, she stepped in and began to gather her thoughts. Water ran down her body in rivulets and while she usually took her time to enjoy a shower, now was not the time.

Why the fuck did you do this? She berated herself. It wasn't the first time either, you know it.

I know, I know.

And each time, what is the one thing they have in common?

Drugs.

You have a problem. Admit it.

I have a problem. I need help.

You need help. Go get help.

What should I do?

Tell Duo. He'll be there for you. He'll help. If he really loves you, he will.

Hotaru felt ashamed of herself. This was the third time she had cheated on Duo, but the first two times hadn't gone this far, so technically it was the first, she guessed. The first two times it had just been a little slap and tickle, then she passed out. This time, it was different. She had to tell him, and she had to stop.

It was getting to the point when she went out almost every night just to get high. Whether it be at a party, or at a friend's house. She was an addict. She needed to get help. Washing the last of the shampoo out of her hair, she promised to herself that she would. Hotaru turned off the water, feeling a little better and a little worse, and dried off. Then she dressed in the same clothes from last night, and left the bathroom.

Wufei was sitting at the table, reading a book.

"Hey listen," Wufei looked up at her, "Thanks for being so cool about this and all. Most guys would just have freaked out the morning after."

He shrugged. "Chivalry isn't dead, you know. Just hard to come by."

Hotaru laughed at that. "Yes, it is. Well, I've got to get home. Bye."

"Bye."

She kept her cool as she walked out of the motel room, and down the hallway, to the first floor, where she looked at the street signs and set out for home.

---

Duo was in the office in the scrapyard, about to go to work. After Hotaru had not come home last night, he had waited a bit in the morning for her to come home, but she hadn't. This behavior was not unusual. Some nights she and her friends stayed out too late and crashed at the nearest friends' house or apartment. No big deal, right? So then why was Duo so worried?

He punched in his card, and at the same moment Hotaru came running in the door, tears falling from her eyes. "Duo?!" She cried once she crossed the threshold. "Hotaru? What's the matter? Why are you crying?" That feeling of dread that had been building in Duo exploded in full force at the sight of her.

Her hair was messed up, still damp from her shower that morning, and her makeup was gone-- not even a smudge anywhere. She was in the same clothes from yesterday, which meant she had not stopped at home to change. She had stopped running inside the door, and instead stood there, tears dripping onto the subfloor of the building.

He dropped his time card and took three large steps, and then he was close enough. He could see nothing wrong with her except for the fact that she was crying, and why was she crying? He asked. She cried harder. So Duo wrapped his arms around her, forcing himself not to shake the answer out of her.

After an awkward second where she tried to pull away, she gave up and let her head fall onto his shoulder, crying, crying, crying. She cried out her sorrow and problems and explanations, but no one knew the language of tears, so no one knew what she was saying. Not even dear Duo. Finally the sobs quieted into sniffles and the sniffles subsided, leaving Hotaru broken and empty, like a popped balloon.

"I'm sorry," Duo heard her say in the quietest, mousiest voice he'd ever heard from her.

"What for, sweetie?" He asked, that cold, hard lump of dread wedging itself in his throat. She mumbled something. "Say that again?"

She lifted her head enough so she could speak clearly and looked at a blank spot on the wall behind him. "I slept with someone else."

"What?!" His arms fell away and he took a step backwards, his eyes as wide as saucers. This cannot be happening, he thought to himself. "I'm sorry!" Hotaru began crying again, hysterically.

Duo stood there, feeling like he was in a nightmare, or maybe the Twilight Zone. "I didn't know--I couldn't stop--It felt so good--And the LSD--I'm so sorry..." The half-sentences became an endless reel spilling out from Hotaru's throat, then finally, "I need help!"

She collapsed into hysterical sobs again, bent almost double from the force of her tears. Hotaru went to her knees before him, kneeling on the dirty floor with her hands over her face. Duo couldn't stand to see her this way. He went to her, kneeling on that same dirty floor with her, holding her.

He held her while she sobbed out her story filled with her expenditures with different drugs. She told him about the addiction. She told him about the alcohol too. She told him about the other two guys she had fooled around with. What do you do when someone whispers their nightmares in your ear? The only thing you can. You give them the silence they need to be able to speak.

He listened to it all, soaking up the details, while crying silently inside. He felt as if he had been betrayed, after finally finding someone who wouldn't leave him, someone who would be his family no matter what, and having them stab him in the back this way. It was too awful, in a way. Duo knew that he could not forgive her, some trust between them had been ultimately broken, and there was no taking it back.

He couldn't just leave her though. Not when she needed him most. After all, Duo was her only family too. They supported each other, were the other's anchor in times of stress. She had brought joy and happiness into a life that had been nothing but sad and depressing before. He couldn't leave her.

"It'll be okay, 'Taru. We'll get you help. You'll be okay." The words became a mantra in his mind and in hers, while both knew, nothing would ever be the same.

@---/---- TBC...maybe ----\---@

AN: Alright, here is where this becomes very critical for you to read. You must decide, should I continue with this? Yes or no. Let me know in a review please, and don't hesitate to flame. I ended this on a sort of sad note and left room for there to be more, but you must decide. It is up to you. I know the lemon probably isn't very good, but how can I get better if I don't make mistakes, hey? Anyway, flames are welcome, criticisms, votes, encouragements, anything really. Until the next fic, ja!