Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ 30 Days of Drabble ❯ Day 23: Four Ways to Bond with Your Enemy: The 02 Edition ( Chapter 23 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

A/N: I had to go and watch Soul Eater before this. Now, I just keep thinking about Kid preaching the virtues of symmetry but I'm 23 days in and I'm not changing fandoms! Go away, Kid! Go fold your toilet paper or something! [Rules for this challenge are in chapter one.]

Day: 23
Date: March 4, 2010
Prompt: didactic /dy-DAK-tik; duh-/, adjective; 1. Fitted or intended to teach; conveying instruction; instructive; teaching some moral lesson; as, "didactic essays." 2. Inclined to teach or moralize excessively; moralistic.
Fandom: Mobile Suit Gundam Wing
Character: Duo
Disclaimer: Bandai, Sotsu and Sunrise own Gundam Wing. I just use the characters for my own amusement and with any luck at all, your amusement as well.

Four Ways to Bond with Your Enemy: The 02 Edition

So, you're a brilliant mobile suit pilot fighting a war against the evil organization of OZ. The only problem is that as a genius terrorist, you find yourself exceedingly bored during firefights, infiltration operations and the like. Well, my fellow comrades, your real problem isn't that your opponent is weak and badly trained. It isn't that your innate talent so outmatches your poor, stupid victims that all missions are labeled "cake." No, my friends, you real problem is that you haven't bonded sufficiently with your opponent. Proper bonding is the key to firm enjoyment of your attacks, mission after mission.

To begin your bonding experience, the first step is to introduce a bit of festivities to your bombing activities. Colorful fireworks can lighten up any drab old explosion and if you can manage to load them into enemy units before the skirmish, all the better.

Now that we've got pretty lights to look at, how about we move on to properly seeing your opponent? Remember that soldiers are people too and that they like it when they receive gifts. Flowers or a bottle of fine brandy to the senior officer of the base you're about to bombard will never be unappreciated.

Next comes respect. If you offer respect to those with opposing viewpoints and they will reciprocate. No one likes to be treated with contempt. The key to this is to find appropriate titles for (at least) your most respected adversaries. Pick a redeeming quality of theirs and turn that into a title. (ex. "Sexy Zechsy" for one Zechs Merquise)

Finally, food is the universal language. Send several hundred pizzas to the facility outlined in your newest mission outline to create an offering of joy and love (and satiated hunger) with the onsite recruits. This will give the added advantages of both irritating the person stuck with the bill (I said send them. I didn't say anything about paying for them. Do I look like I'm made of cash?) and of producing a smokescreen for your activities.

Now, take with you this advice and you'll never have a dull moment again. Your battles will become more intense (Try calling out one of those titles we discussed earlier over your speaker mid-battle if you don't believe me.), your recon will be gathered more smoothly (especially with everyone distracted by fireworks or pizza deliveries) and your overall satisfaction greater. You'll learn that your rivals only exist for your benefit. Once you accomplish that, your bonding will be complete. Good luck, friends.

- End -

A/N 2: I got the idea behind this one from Mel & Christy's "Death and the Dragon Arc." In that story, Duo pulls a couple of these with Lady Une as the target. I know, it doesn't seem like it would work, but Mel and Christy are geniuses. They make it believable. ("Sexy Zechsy" also belongs to them and now that I think about it, Duo pulled all of these. I have no creativity at all, tonight. ;_;)