Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ A good idea ❯ The spoon, the stick, and the snow plow ( Chapter 4 )

A Good Idea Chapter four: The spoon, the stick, and the snow plow.

By: Bloodred

Disclamer:Because life's not fair, I do not own Gundam Wing

Warning: Relena bashing(duh) and Yaoi mentioning.

A/N: Chapter four is here. Sorry for taking soooo long, I tend to get lazy and not do things. Before you ask let me tell you...Relena will not die in this chapter. Now before you kill me listen for a while. I can't kill her yet because I have to stay true to the poem 'Killing Relena' and that means hurting her with the items mentioned in the title. That said, please be patient and meanwhile enjoy the Relena torture! ^_^

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THE SPOON THE STICK AND THE SNOW PLOW

Yesterday the five gundam pilots had gotten together with plans of Relena killing. Unfortunately things kept getting in the way. Today that was not going to happen. The monster, aka Relena, had been tied down and gagged in her cage so that she wouldn't get in the way until they were ready for her, a stage had been set so that everyone who wasn't hurting the monster could watch(They were taking turns), and an audiencewas invited. Milliardo, Treize, Noin, Une, Sally, Dorothy, and other various GW characters were all seated waiting to see the monster die.(A/N: none of these characters will speak for their own so from now they will be refered to as 'the crowd'...unless someone wants me to include them then I'll try to find line for them somewhere)

Duo and the other four pilots were behind the stage curtain giving instructions on what to do."Alright guys" he said "this is what were gonna do. Each of us already has a weapon so all we need to do is use them.Quatre is going first, Trowa next and Wu is last. OK?"

"Yes" Everyone nodded.

"Now remember, you aren't allowed to kill her. That will be done by Hee-chan and I."

"Why do you get to kill her?" asked Wufei.

"Yeah" Quatre agreed "Why"

"Because this is our problem" Heero replied "I'm the one who's always been troubled by her."

"Don't worry we'll give you something to do" With that reassurance Duo sent them out to do their job.

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Duo walked out to the stage wearing a flashy looking outfit ready for his job as an announcer. He turned to the audience and started speaking through the microphone.

"Ladies, gentelmen, and everything in between welcome to the first annual getting rid of Relena show! today we bring to you four wonderful acts preformed both to hurt Relena and of course to entertain you!" The crowd cheered. " For our first act we bring you Quatre Winner and his pain creating

broom stick! common buddy get out here" Quatre walked out and took the microphone from Duo.

"Hello everyone, tonight I will shou you how to hurt Relena by using a broom stick" He walked over to the cage where Relena was tied up and gagged. He untied Relena and turned arround to smile at the crowd. Knowing perfectly well that any loud noise would cause Relena great pain due to an unmentioned substance that they hed forced her to drink earlier he said, "Look everyon she's sleeping why don't we all loudly all out her name loudly so she can hear." The crowd quickly obeyed.

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEELEEEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh" She screamed and sat up abruptly clutching her head in pain.

Behind the stage Heero smiled as he turned to speak to Duo. "Now she knows how I feel."

"Uh huh" They turned back to the show and were amazed at what they saw. Good little Quatre was currently beating Relena with such fury that it put brutal, killing, rabid, bunnies on crack to shame. All while screaming so loudly that it put Duo to shame.

*BANG* "and that's for not letting Duo and Heero be happy" *WACK* "and that's for interrupting Trowa and me the other day" *BANG* "and that's for wearing so much pink" *CRASH* "and that's for beign so annoying"*BANG* "and that's for beign so stupid" *BANG CRASH WHCK BANG BANG*

Fearing another zero-system-like fiasco, Heero, Duo, and Wufei walked on stage and calmed Quatre down. "Come on Quatre you've done you're job"

"Huh? oh OK" Heero and Wufei took Quatre backstage while Duo spoke to the public.

"Quatre winner averyone!"

The crowd cheered loudly. "Yeahhhhhhhh!"

"Now that was an interesting act wasn't it?!" Duo picked up the discarded broomstick and poked the knocked out Relena on the floor.

"OK were gonna have to take a five minute brake while we wake this thing up but don't go away because next we'll see the amazing act of Trowa Barton and his spoon of doom!" Duo waved, walked of stage and the curtain was closed.

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"Alright everyone were back!" Duo announced. "We don't wanna waste any time so lets start the next act. Here to show us how he hurts Relena it's Trowa!" The crowd cheered as Trowa walked out with a large spoon.

Trowa said nothing. Instead he walked right to Relena who was lying on the floor. She could'nt walk because her legs Quatre broke her legs.(along with many other bones on her body ^_~)

When she saw Trowa walking towards her Relena started whimpering.

"You're going to hurt me again aren't you? No. Stop. Sto-" Her words were cut short when Trowa suddenly hit her in the head with the spoon. Then he grabbed Relena by the hair and spooned out her eyes. Saying nothing else, he took a bow and walked backstage.

"Alright then" Duo walked back to the audience. "Well he isn't exactly a man of many words, but hey he did the job.Right folks?"

The crowd cheered.

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Duo stood up on the stage and spoke to the eager crowd. They were getting a bit restless because they wanted more Relena pain.

"OK folks are you ready to hurt Relena again?"

"Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"

"Should we smash her one more time before her death?!"

"Yeahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"

"Then give it up for Wufei and his snow plow of Doooooooooooom!!!!!" *crickets chirp* "Wufei and his snow plow of doooooom" *more crickets* "Wufei...Fei you're on!"

"What?"

"You're on"

"Oh ok" A loud roar is heard and then Wufei rides on stage with his snow plow. The crowd cheers and the as the lawn mower moves over to where Relena is. With out a word to the crows Wufei rides over to where Relena is crying to her self (rather loudly).

"Wahhhhhhhhhhh! Please don't kill me. I have to convince Heero that he loves me. Wahhhhhhhhhhhh"

Just when Wufei was about to murder the monster and give it what it deserves, one of Duo and Heero's many threats came to mind.

Remember, you may hurt her all you want bu we get to do the killing

Well it was their game, thought Wufei, they should get the privalege to kill her. So it was decided, Relena would not die yet. But she would suffer very much.

The snow plow rode just above Relena's head, taking Relena off the grownd and chopping off all of the horrifing hair along with the disgusting pink bow that held it all back(A/N:the hair got caught on the plow so it ripped off) .

The crowd cheered and Relena screamed.

"My hair! My beautiful bautiful hair!" She was screaming wildly. So wildly that Wufei got realy annoyed with her. He turned off thesnow plow and got down He piked up the remains of Relena's hair and held it over her now almost bald head.

"You want it? Here!" he shouted. Then stuffed Relena's mouth with it. He bowed to the crowd, got up on the snow plow, and left.

Once he was back stage Duo went out to the crowd.

"Alright you have to admit that was pretty awome...but let's not be so nice anymore!"

"Yeah!"

"What do you say we bring out my Heero ant kill the monster"

"Yeah!"

"OK Heero get out here you heard the crowd" Heero walks out with a misterious black case.

Duo runs over to Heero and huggs him as he takes the case away from him.

"This is it, were finaly going to kill her.

TBC

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OK I'm done making her suffer. I promise next chapter she dies. But I have no clue how. That's why I have th crate. *sigh* So many ways of death and only one Relena. Please review and tell me if you have any preferable way of killing Relena.