Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ A new future ❯ Chapter Six: Mysterious pasts ( Chapter 6 )

Chapter Six: Mysterious pasts

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Heero backed up now, off of Duo and against his own bed. Duo, now heavily panting, forced himself so sit up against the wall as well so his body could recover quickly. He used his left hand to support his bodyweight as his right reached for his sore throat. When he looked up he saw Heero was panting as well but he was eying him with horror.

Not able to feel anything but pain for a moment, he took a deep breath and pushed himself upwards, taking a moment to steady himself and make sure he wouldn't fall, he carefully walked out of the room to the nearest bathroom. There he leaned on the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked terrible -hair stuck out of his braid everywhere, his eyes were big and his throat was red from Heero's hands- but he really didn't care right now. He threw some water into his face and made sure at least that was all right before he went back to that room.

Something was seriously wrong with Heero. What was going on? Why hadn't he been able to tell it had been Duo he was strangling? And whom had he been talking about? He'd said he'd killed his mother. . . Was this about how he'd become an orphan?"

When he entered their room again, he saw Heero sitting in the exact same spot he was when he left him. Heero looked up at the sound of the door opening, his eyes first showing confusion, making Duo think he was loosing it again. But then his expression settled for his usual scowl, only a sad one this time. This change was so little that he doubted any other person would see it, but he knew Heero better than any other person and he felt a sting of pain piercing trough his soul as he watched the forlorn boy.

Softly, Heero spoke up. "Hit me."

"What?" Duo blinked, not sure he had heard it right.

"Hit me..." Heero said again, though a bit more determined now. "Hurt me, kill me. Do whatever you need to make me get what I deserve."

`What is this, a joke?'

But if it were one it wasn't funny at all. Why was Heero acting so strange? Why would Duo want to hurt him? "I'm not going to hit you." He said, trying to assure the other boy.

But Heero didn't seem to have heard his words as he continued with the same monotonous voice. "I deserve to be locked up for life, just like him!"

Now he was getting somewhere. Determined to find out what was bothering Heero enough to be satisfied in death, he kneeled down beside the boy. But he didn't touch him, afraid of the reaction he would get then. So instead he cautiously asked: "Like whom?"

Again, Heero ignored him. "Kill me. Make me pay."

"I'm not going to kill anyone." This time Duo's voice spoke harder than he had intended to but again, Heero Yuy didn't seem to listen as he rambled on.

"They should've locked me up along with him. His blood is flowing trough my veins, I always knew sooner or later it would retaliate, it had to. . ."

"Stop it Heero!" Duo yelled, but still he didn't touch the oblivious boy.

"I don't deserve to be here, in this home. I don't deserve to eat from the government's money, I don't deserve presents or Christmas meals and I don't deserve you as a roommate."

"You're scaring me now, Heero." Duo gritted his teeth. Right now he felt like slapping the boy some sense into is head, but he didn't try that for he did feel scared of him, talking about dying and not deserving anything. Duo always knew Heero wasn't one for socialising with people and he also saw how he tended to avoid human contact at all times, but he figured that was just Heero. He never guessed it would go this deep into his past that made him the way he was.

What made him the way he was anyway?

"Why? Why haven't you done anything yet?" Heero sounded confused. "Why am I still sitting here?"

"Damn you, Stop this, Heero!" Duo finally grabbed the boy's shoulders and shook him until his eyes finally tried to focus on his. "I wouldn't hurt my friends no matter what they did!"

This seemed to gather the boy's attention. ". . . Friend?" He hesitated. "We. . . We're friends? But how. . . when. . .?"

"Heero, you're the best friend I have around here." He tried to assure his roommate.

"What about Quatre then?"

Duo smiled now, a sad smile nonetheless. "Sure, Quatre is a nice kid and all and I like spending time with him, but no secret would be safe with him. He's too innocent to keep it to himself. I can tell you anything and I know you care and I also know you won't tell anyone if I ask you not to..." Then he remembered the love letter event not too long ago. "Well, save for the pranks I play on Wufei, perhaps"

"You don't tell me secrets."

"You know about Solo and you never told a soul."

Still, Heero didn't seem to be convinced yet. Why wouldn't he believe Duo really wanted his friendship? Did he think that low of himself?

"Remember the blankets you gave me every night and how I used to return them to you in the morning before you told me to keep them? Quatre wouldn't even notice me being cold in the first place."

"So I was warm." The elder boy stated, but now it was Duo's turn to ignore that.

"And then the way you stuck up for Quatre when I accused him after he brought me some food. Only a true friend would do something like that. You asked me when I started seeing you as a friend. I can't tell you when exactly that happened because I honestly don't know, but I can tell you this: That next morning when we both had to paint that room and Quatre came in to apologise to you, that was when I started thinking of you differently and I started respecting you."

Heero blinked after hearing all this, but Duo wasn't finished yet. There was one more thing to add.

"And never, not ever did I have any regrets of becoming your friend." Or fall in love with you, he added silently, almost scaring himself with that thought. But he didn't have tome to think and worry about that now, for his friend, the one who needed him most right now, was trying to get up and leave the room.

"Where are you going?"

"I. . . I have to go. . . Get out of here. . . Think. . . I don't know. . . Out."

But Duo refused to let him go out like that. "Oh no you're not." He jumped up and blocked Heero's way out, standing with his fist on his hips, looking strict, but not hard. "You're going to sit on that bed and tell me what happened, how you ended up in an orphanage."

Heero tried to glare, but it looked rather pitiful. So instead he did as Duo told him and sat down on the bed. Not sure whether to sit down next to him or opposite of him on his own bed, Duo chose to stand.

"Now start talking."

Heero seemed to hesitate at first, but finally, as if speaking to no one at all, he sat there on his bed, letting everything out for perhaps the first time in his life. Duo had locked the door, not to keep Heero inside, but to make sure they would stay alone, for this might very well be the only chance to hear what Heero had to say, the only chance to figure out what he had to do to help his normally so strong roommate.

His story seemed a bit blurry in the beginning, but Duo could fill in the blank pages for himself. It came down to it that Heero's father had lost his job and had been drunk every night since, coming home, smelling like alcohol, hurting everything and everyone that stood in his way. Heero had had a dog but his father had killed him in one of his drunken evenings. That was when Heero had started defending his mother, pleading with her to leave him and to walk off, just the two of them. But Christmas was coming and his mother didn't want to spend it alone. Besides, he always said he was sorry afterwards.

Christmas eve came indeed but Heero's father stayed away. Heero wanted to wait for him, making sure his mother would be okay, but finally, at twelve o'clock, he was sent to bed where he lay awake, worrying until he heard his father come home. Then he heard yelling and he snuck to the stairs to see what was happening. The moment he looked down he saw how his father hit his mother so she fell against the big Christmas tree and then he smacked her on the head with a lamp, calling her `nothing but a dirty whore'.

Heero had watched his father kneeling down besides her, saying he was sorry, but it had been too late that time. She was dead. And Heero didn't do a thing about it.

From the way he was telling it, Duo realised Heero blamed himself for his mother's death. And tonight it was yet another Christmas Eve. Duo suspected that had been the reason behind Heero's strange behaviour the past week., his bursts of anger for no reason at all, his tossing and turning in the night that even woke Duo up, his attack on Duo just minutes before. And though Heero wasn't crying Duo settled down near the lost boy to hold him and comfort him, glad when he found that Heero let him.

That was when Duo heard something he would always keep wondering if he had really heard it or if his mind was just playing tricks on him, for with pain clearly in his voice, the boy he was holding now seemed to whisper four words, Duo never thought he would hear.

"I don't deserve you. . ."

#*~*#

An eternity seemed to pass and Duo never noticed he was dozing off as he held the fragile Heero in his arms. Suddenly he heard the sound of footsteps walking up the stairs. He glanced at the clock. 20.15? He'd been here almost an hour now and had been holding Heero for at least half that time. Quickly but gently he let go of Heero and lay him down on the bed. Guessing that whoever was coming was coming for them, he opened the locked door before they could knock. And he had been right, Sally stood there with Quatre and Wufei right behind her.

Sally blinked as she saw Duo's still pale face. She glanced at his braid as well but didn't comment on it. Wufei and Quatre, equally concerned, eyed Duo warily, but neither of them spoke up.

"Are you two alright in here?" The woman asked Duo, trying to glance into the room. But Duo effectively blocked the sight of Heero from her without being too obvious about it.

"Yeah, we're fine." Duo tried to force a smile on his face but he wasn't so sure he succeeded.

"Are you coming down? You two missed all of diner."

"Heero's just asleep right now and I'd rather not wake him up." Duo answered. "He was really tired."

Sally seemed to be concerned about this. After all, it was only a quarter past 8 and the boys were used to going to bed later than that. "He's not sick is he?"

"No, he-he's okay, just tired I guess."

"Okay then." Sally sighed. "But you missed dinner so you must be hungry. I'll have someone bring something up for you two just in case he wakes up."

Duo nodded. He was indeed pretty hungry. "Thanks."

"And Duo?" Sally smiled. "I'd appreciate it if you two tried to come downstairs somewhere later this evening. It IS Christmas Eve and you shouldn't celebrate that alone."

"I'll try." Duo promised and with a last reassuring smile to Quatre and Wufei he closed the door again.

He glanced back at Heero's bed only to see him sitting up. He'd drawn his knees to his chest and hugged them as his eyes were cast downwards.

"Sorry I ruined your Christmas meal." The smaller one said in a low voice.

"`s Okay." Duo answered. He hadn't even thought about that being ruined yet. "There will be a next time."

An uncomfortable silence fell between the two of them as neither really knew what to do. Duo didn't know if he should sit with Heero again or just go over to his own bed, but he knew something inside of him would be more satisfied sitting next to Heero, feeling his body warmth and taking in his scent. But he didn't get enough time to decide for Heero decided to break the silence.

"Thanks." The boy murmured.

"No problem." Duo decided to ignore his brains as he felt the need to comfort his roommate. He walked over to the bed and again he sat down next to Heero. "Hey Heero, listen. . ." He thought a moment to find the right words. "What happened earlier today. . . You know, you telling me all that stuff. . ." This was so not going good. But Heero was watching him now, waiting for him to speak. ". . .I-I'm glad you told me."

Heero's eyes widened at that. Obviously he hadn't expected that from his ever-joking roommate. "Why?"

"Because. . . Oh, I just wanna be your friend and I want you to know you can tell that kind of stuff. When you. . . When you attacked me I didn't care about myself. All I thought of was you. Heero, I don't want to see you get hurt so please, TALK to me."

"I. . .I cant." The other boy sighed.

"Why not?"

"Because, it's a weakness." If he hadn't heard it himself, Duo would've never believed Heero had said that.

"You know, nobody can be strong unless they are unafraid to show their weaknesses. People who feel insecure start acting strong all the time to hide their weaknesses but it is takes really strong people to show them."

"Duo, if you're telling me to act weak in front of everybody, you can forget it because I won't. . ."

"No, that's not what I mean. Not in front of everybody, just those you really care about. And I dunno how much you care about me, but I care enough about you to. . . you know, be okay with it." And he thought he'd been bad before. He closed his eyes to hide his shame, only to hear Heero snicker.

"Now who's hiding?"

Duo opened his eyes as he realised what he was doing. "Well, I never said I was perfect." He smiled. "Just know that I won't tell anyone."

"Thanks."

"No problem." At that moment a knock on the door came and at the same time Duo's stomach rumbled. He jumped up as he went to open the door. "God, I hope that's the food!"

Heero chuckled at his roommates reaction. "You'll never change, will you?"

~ T.B.C. ~

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