Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ A Not So Straight Flush ❯ Three ( Chapter 3 )

A Not So Straight Flush (3/3)
By Anne Olsen

Rating/warnings this chapter: This Fic has been rated in accordance with the approved TTFF Rating System.

OK (Oz/Kiwi spelling/grammar etc) - PG - Sexual refs, suggestive language, angst, humour.

Pairings: 2+4, 3x4, 2+1

Author's notes: This fic is part of the 'Outlasting Time' arc, which is obviously being written way out of order. For more information and to read the other stories in the series check out the following.

http://www.angelfire.com/ab7/shadesandechoes/outlasting time.html

Summary: When Duo visits Quatre, and they join Alimah Winner in a game of strip poker, more is revealed than either of them had initially anticipated. (A sidefic/prequel to 'At Your Side'.)

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency. I promise to return the boys when I'm finished.

Thanks to: Bast, Raletha and Sakura for beta reading, comments and support. And to Kashie who has presented me with some gorgeous gift art of Quatre and Duo from chapter two, which you can find on the 'Outlasting Time' page.

Also thank you to those of you who have posted reviews/sent feedback. It's very much appreciated. J

Feedback to: anneo @ paradise.net.nz

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Chapter Three

After Quatre had left, Duo stared at the door for a full minute before the meaning of his friend's last comment totally registered. Kiwi? Something to make this so much easier? Ali, what the hell have you gotten me into? What the hell have I gotten myself into?

It didn't take long to discover that Quatre had done a very good job of restraining him. Duo struggled to untie the knots and free himself but all he managed to achieve was an ache in his arms to join the one in his groin. The latter was something he really didn't need right now, especially as he didn't know how long Quatre would be before he returned with…

Oh God. Trowa was going to kill him, slowly and painfully. His imagination helpfully supplied suggestions as to how, in full glorious technicolour. Duo remembered the act the other pilot had with his sister at the circus. For a brief sickening moment he imagined himself placed against the target and Trowa carefully testing the weight of each knife before throwing. Quatre's lover had a damn good aim. There was no way he'd miss. Trowa wouldn't allow emotion to prevent him from suitably punishing the person who had taken advantage of the man he loved.

Duo glanced down at his boxers and swallowed, doubling his efforts to free himself. There was no way he was ever going to be able to make love to Heero missing that vital piece of equipment. His eyes glazed over as he became distracted by thoughts of Heero's breath mingling with his and bringing their lips together in a passionate kiss. His contented sigh echoed through the now silent room as he envisioned Heero stroking his braid, before reaching down to shake it free of its constraints.

It's only a freaking fantasy, he snorted. Romance and the like happened to other people, not to him. Happily ever after only belonged in fairy stories and somehow he doubted he was the virginal Cinderella type.

Or maybe I am an idiot, he decided, and Quatre's right. Why was it so hard to tell Heero how he felt? Because Heero probably hadn't a clue and even if he did, what was the chance of either one of them acting on it? Heero had enough problems dealing with the whole soldier discovering how to live in peacetime scenario. How could he add to that problem by dropping this bombshell on him?

The answer was simple. He couldn't.

It was different for Quatre and Trowa. They had something special; each was incomplete without the other, yet even their relationship wasn't without its problems. There was no way he would have had a chance of pulling off the whole empathic sabotage thing if Quatre wasn't seriously pissed at Trowa. He must really love the guy to be putting up with this crap. What was wrong with Trowa? For a moment Duo felt a pang of jealously. Was it so wrong to yearn for Heero to feel that way about him?

Why was life so damn complicated? When they were still fighting in the Gundams it had been so much easier. With no time to concentrate on love, romance or what the future might hold, none of them had dared contemplate the future. They couldn't afford to, not when the future of Earth and the colonies was resting on their shoulders. To give into that kind of distraction would have been fatal.

No wonder they were all so screwed up now. Even Trowa and Quatre, who had actually managed to hold it together long enough to finally tell each other how they felt, were in danger of throwing it away because Trowa couldn't get past whatever his problem was. The guy needed a good kick up the ass. Correction. Another good kick up the ass. Quatre still hadn't figured out exactly why Trowa had come to L4 after the war. Trowa had raised an eyebrow over Duo's theory of applying the tactical manoeuvres of the battleground to the inner struggle of the heart, but he'd still gone after Quatre on a mission which had scared him more than any he'd undertaken during the war.

The look in Trowa's eyes as he'd kept vigil over Quatre's bedside after Libra was something Duo was sure he'd never forget. How could Trowa have lived with losing the person he loved without ever having told him how he felt?

Watching him sleeping next to Quatre, one arm hooked protectively around him, Duo had known that he had to give Trowa at least a memory to cling to if things didn't work out. A smile had crossed his lips after he'd borrowed the camera and snapped the picture. Trowa had been holding Quatre's hand in a grip which suggested there was no way he was going to give him up to the God of Death who had claimed so many on the battlefield already.

"In case he doesn't wake up," Duo had told Trowa before giving him the photo. Trowa's eyes had misted over as he'd taken it, the pain of a loss he didn't dare contemplate obvious to anyone who knew him.

"Thank you, Duo. You're a good friend. To both of us," he'd whispered, quietly slipping the photograph into his wallet. Duo had noticed him stroke the image of his would be lover with one finger, an all too rare glimpse of the private persona of the man his best friend shared a part of his soul with.

Yet when Quatre had recovered, and headed back to L4 and the Winner family home to recuperate, the idiot hadn't followed him. Duo suspected why, and had hoped the boot he'd given him in the right direction would be enough. Surely once the two of them came to their senses, their love would be enough to make them admit how they truly felt for each other? Trowa might have been a fool for letting Quatre leave, but Quatre was just as much to blame.

The ZERO system and all the crap which followed had ruined Quatre's earlier resolve to tell Trowa how he felt. Duo wondered if Quatre would ever forgive himself for what he'd done. They'd all moved on, even Trowa, but a part of Quatre was stuck in the past, unable to come to terms with facing a part of himself that scared the shit out of him.

Well tough, life was full of stuff like that. You've either got to get on with your life or let your mistakes dictate your actions. Duo had made far too many mistakes to fall into that trap, or so he kept telling himself. Even if he couldn't follow his own advice, he was determined to ensure his friends at least did the right thing.

It was a tough job, playing matchmaker, but hey, someone had to do it. Damn shame there would be no one to help him and Heero get it together. Quatre might have but would he still want to after today's fiasco? Duo doubted it.

Damn, he needed to free himself so that this didn't go any further. What had he been thinking? Obviously thoughts he should have never had, considering his current predicament. Duo sighed. He loved Quatre, but not in a romantic sense of the word. Their friendship was deeper than most, but he knew Quatre wasn't the right person for him. No, that particular privilege belonged to someone who didn't have a clue. Sometimes he wondered if the only way Heero was going to get it was if he hung a sign around his neck.

I love you, you idiot.

The trouble was that a part of him needed to hear it from Heero. He didn't want to be the one to make the first move. Maybe it was because he was scared of the rejection that might follow. The thought of the confusion and dawning realisation in Heero's eyes that his best friend was gay, and wanted to get into his pants wasn't something Duo wanted to face, especially if Heero wasn't inclined that way himself. Hopefully when the time was right, and he'd had more of a chance to draw Heero out of himself…No, who was he trying to kid? In many ways he was just as bad as those people who complained they'd gone through life never living it to the full. They saw what they wanted right in front of them but didn't have the guts to reach out and grab it.

Knowing it and doing it weren't the same thing.

The same way his body didn't seem to be in sync with his common sense. It was wrong to be turned on by a friend, and even more wrong to take advantage of said friend. Yet both he and Quatre were yearning for what they couldn't have, reaching out for a substitute they could trust.

Trust? Yeah right. That was a freaking joke. Quatre would never be able to trust him after he admitted what he'd done. Alimah and all her talk about hormones - surely she must have had a clue as to what might happen? Or maybe she didn't know her brother as well as she thought she did.

It was something he could well and truly relate to. You'd think after fighting together and seeing what Quatre was capable of he would know better, but even though he'd kept telling his friend he didn't buy that whole innocent routine, on some level he still did. Part of him needed to believe that they weren't all tainted by the blood on their hands.

Yeah, but this is a different kind of innocence, he argued. And Quatre was just as scarred by what he'd done as they all were. They just had different ways of coping, or projecting the illusion that they were.

Quatre had more than implied that he and Trowa had a fantastic sex life, and why the hell wouldn't they? A vivid picture entered his mind of Quatre and Trowa naked, their hands exploring, their tongues slipping into each other's mouths in a passionate kiss, under those same bed covers he'd laid on with Quatre earlier.

Groaning again, Duo's own erection grew harder at the thought. He might as well give up and offer his head on a platter to Trowa now before the former Heavyarms pilot hunted him down and demanded it.

As though on cue, the door swung open and Quatre re-entered the room. The look of pure innocence on his face made Duo cringe. It was the 'watch out bad guys you're screwed' expression he'd patented so well during the war. The one that was guaranteed to ensure the opposition underestimated him, thinking he wasn't a threat. Few people had survived that look with everything intact, and he hoped like hell that he wasn't about to join them.

Either Quatre had worked out what he'd done, or he'd come back with the promised supplies. Whatever the case, he was screwed. He just hoped it wasn't about to be literally.

A sudden flash of bright light hit him in the eyes and he blinked. "What the hell?" Duo focused his gaze on Quatre, surprised to see him lowering a camera, and studying the photo that was rapidly developing in his hand. The blond seemed very in control of himself, in stark contrast to how he'd been before leaving the room. "C'mon, Cat. Untie me." When Quatre didn't answer, Duo added "please."

"I will," Quatre paused, slipping the photo into his pocket, "after I've finished talking." His tone suggested he wasn't about to be argued with. Duo's first take on his friend's mood appeared to have been the correct one.

"Fine. Look, I'm sorry. I've been an idiot and…" Duo's voice trailed off. Had Quatre realised what he'd done right from the start? No, that would mean he'd played along.

"We've both been idiots," Quatre agreed. "And over a stupid poker game." He leaned in closer, and Duo closed his eyes, not wanting to see the hurt in Quatre's. "Did it ever occur to you that I might be winning the damn game because I'm good at it? I thought you trusted me, Duo. How the hell could you even think I'd use my ability to cheat?" Quatre sighed. "And don't start on the excuses. I know Alimah had a hand in this. The whole scenario stinks of her involvement."

"She was trying to take your mind off Trowa," Duo realised that had been the wrong thing to say as soon as he'd said it.

"And what did she think I'd feel like afterwards, knowing I'd slept with my best friend? Or wasn't that a scenario the two of you envisioned?" Quatre's voice rose in anger.

"Don't you take the whole self righteous, holier than thou, attitude with me," Duo decided he'd had enough of this crap. "I certainly didn't see you complaining when you kissed me. Yes, Quatre. When you kissed me." His tone changed to match Quatre's. "If I'm hearing this correctly, you were perfectly in control, even though you did a damn good job putting one over me that you weren't." He swallowed hard before continuing, knowing that what he was about to say wasn't something Quatre would want to hear. "I figure for you to come on to me at all you must be a lot more pissed at Trowa than you're prepared to admit even to yourself."

There was a sudden silence before Quatre moved away to sit in the other chair. After a moment in which he studied the carpet under his feet, he finally answered, but his voice sounded subdued. "I am angry with Trowa. And damn it, I have every right to be. I want to believe I'm in a committed relationship with him, yet how the hell can I be if it's only me who is prepared to admit in public that we're together. Duo," Quatre's face flushed, "what I said to you before. Not all of it was a lie. When we're close, I…"

"So do I." Duo's voice was just as subdued. "I know you're not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know you're not Heero." He attempted to lighten the atmosphere with a crooked smile. "And I'm not Trowa. But for some reason my body and hormones seem determined to settle for second best." The smile faded. "And I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

Moving over to where Duo was seated, Quatre busied himself untying the other boy's restraints. "I know." Loosening the scarf, his hand brushed against Duo's and he frowned, removing his hand a little too quickly. "Duo, I don't mind that you're…" His voice trailed off into an uncomfortable silence.

"It's not just me having problems reconciling my heart and my hormones, right?" Duo continued the conversation. "I know I wasn't the only one reacting to what we were doing before. You're a good looking guy, Cat. And I'd be lying if I said being close to you physically doesn't turn me on, even though I know it shouldn't. It was wrong of me to try and use your empathy against you."

"Yes, it was." Quatre grew quiet for a few minutes. "But I went along with you because a part of me wanted to be close to you." He sighed. "I miss Trowa so much it hurts, and I guess you were right. Being annoyed at him is not an excuse to…" Duo didn't have to be an empath to feel the guilt. "I love him, but over the past few weeks I've started to wonder if maybe I'm chasing rainbows, that maybe it's one sided." His friend shrugged. "Obviously the brat I once was is still alive and well."

Duo couldn't help but laugh, despite the seriousness of the situation. "Brat?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." Quatre confirmed. "I didn't have a very high opinion of myself when I was growing up, and if it weren't for Rashid…" He rolled his eyes. "You might have tried to take advantage of me, but I didn't exactly put a stop to it when I should have." Quatre's voice shook. "It would have been so very easy to go further. Yes, I was in control, but where do you draw the line between harmless flirting and something else?"

"Would you have kissed me if you'd known for certain that Trowa returned your feelings, that he was willing to commit to your relationship the way you want him to?"

"No, of course not." Quatre didn't hesitate in his answer. "The problem isn't that I find you attractive, or even that you find me attractive. It comes down to trust. I thought you trusted me, and I guess I went along with the charade knowing I could trust you to stop before things went too far. Or maybe it's not you I don't trust, but myself. When Trowa and I make love, I find it hard to distinguish between his emotions and my own. I could feel my lust and yours merging in much the same way, and it was hard to fight it."

"Hey, you weren't the only one," Duo insisted. "I knew what we were doing was wrong, but it was harder to stop than I thought it would be. And cut the crap about not trusting yourself. Of all of us you're probably the one who has it the most together."

"No, I'm not," Quatre shook his head again. "There's a lot about me you don't know. A lot you wouldn't want to know." There was fear in his eyes as they met Duo's. "I still wake up screaming at night because of what I did. I'm not sure I'm ever going to be free of that."

Duo shrugged. "Join the club. Gundam pilots anonymous. Once you forget what you've done, you might as well give up. The memories never disappear, Cat, they just get to the stage where you can live with them."

"I want to believe you, but," Quatre's voice dropped to a whisper. "I think they're getting worse. There's too much blood on my hands. Everyone has to be accountable. What gives me the right to think I can just walk away from a war without consequences? It's not realistic."

"No, but it's survival." Quatre still didn't seem convinced so Duo kept pressing his point. "I trust you, Quatre, the same way you trust Trowa enough to know he loves you, and that there's a reason he's behaving the way he is." His eyes narrowed when Quatre sat down again, folding his arms across his chest.

"And what if I don't like the reason? Maybe that's why he doesn't want to talk about it." Duo had to give Quatre some credit, when he decided to be a brat, he certainly knew how to immerse himself in the role.

"Do you really trust Trowa as much as you say you do?" He decided to try different tack.

"What sort of question is that?" Quatre unfolded his arms and his knuckles grew white as he gripped the armrest on the chair. "Of course I do."

"There's no 'of course' about it." This was obviously a sore subject. "If you trust him why are you angry with him? Why are you so angry with yourself?"

Silence.

"Well?" Duo was tempted to place a comforting hand on Quatre's shoulder, but because of what had almost passed between them he wasn't sure that was such a great idea.

"Because I'm scared he's not feeling what I think he is. I'm worried he…" Quatre glanced up at Duo, tears in his eyes, before continuing quietly. "I love him with all my heart, but what if it's only one-sided? What if he no longer wants to be with me but can't find the words to tell me?"

"Yeah sure," Duo hesitated and Quatre raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't going to tell you this but,"

"What?" Was that fear on Quatre's face? Oh shit, he'd better get this over with before his friend got the wrong idea.

"I saw the way Trowa stayed by your bedside after Libra. He was so scared he was going to lose you, and the look on his face was one of a guy who thought he might lose the person who meant everything to him. Trowa loves you, Cat. If there's one thing I'm sure about, it's that. There's something bothering him, yeah, but it's sure as hell not that."

"He never told me," Quatre spoke the words almost to himself. "I hadn't realised he'd stayed with me. Yet somehow I think I knew it hadn't been my imagination." He didn't explain further and Duo didn't press it, instead putting it down to that weird empathic link Quatre had spoken about between himself and Trowa. Had Quatre sensed the presence of his future lover even in his unconscious state?

"It wasn't," Duo reaffirmed quietly.

"I need to talk to him, don't I?" Quatre's forced smile was wistful.

"Yes, you do, and the sooner the better." Again Duo fought the urge to offer the physical comfort he knew Quatre needed. But he wasn't sure how Quatre would react if he did. Hell, he wasn't sure how he would react.

"Duo?" The concern in Quatre's voice was difficult to miss. Even with all this crap going down regarding his and Trowa's relationship, Quatre didn't hesitate to put his own problems aside.

He can sense I'm uncomfortable being close to him, Duo realised. For a moment he'd forgotten about the empathy. "Cat, I don't think it's only you and Tro who need to talk." He paused, the room filling with a sudden awkward silence, after Quatre nodded in reply, but waited for Duo to continue. "Look, we're friends, right?"

"Yes," Quatre looked up at him, his smile turning to puzzlement. "And?"

"We need to sort out how we feel about each other. This isn't the first time I've reacted to you like this. Nor is it the first time I've fought the urge to get closer than I should and kiss you senseless."

Realisation dawned. "When we were crawling through that ventilation shaft? [1]" Quatre blushed, and Duo remembered wondering if he'd been the only one affected by the close vicinity. "Duo, you weren't the only one fighting urges that day. The kiss we shared before we escaped, I won't lie by saying I didn't enjoy it."

"Yeah, that kiss was pretty damn good, right? I know it's one I'm never gonna forget."

"Me neither, but…"

"It was a kiss between friends," Duo interrupted. "I still remember what you told me afterwards," Duo waited for Quatre to repeat what he'd said all those months ago.

"I said that a kiss can sometimes convey more than words. That you were a friend I value and care about, that we have something special between us, but we weren't the right person for each other, at least not in this lifetime." What Quatre said next took Duo by surprise. "Do you want to sleep with me?"

"Huh?" Duo shook his head. "Do I look like I have a death wish? That man of yours has access to sharp knives. I like you, Cat, but I want to keep all my parts in working order in case I ever get up the nerve to tell Heero how I feel." Or better yet, he tells me that he feels the same way before I have to make the first move.

"That's the same way I feel. I like you, but I don't want to sleep with you. The only person I want to make love to is Trowa," Quatre smiled, before reaching out to take Duo's hand in his own. "What I said then still holds true. I'm going to have to trust you that we don't put ourselves in a position to let this happen again, the same way you're going to have to trust me to do the same. The reason I let things get this far is that we've always been comfortable around each other, and I knew you'd stop before the situation got out of control. And that was wrong because if we hadn't, it would have been as much my responsibility as yours. Our hormones might want to settle for second best, as you put it, but our hearts don't. I know mine doesn't."

"Sounds good to me," Duo squeezed his hand. "And as you say there's a fine line between flirting between friends, and giving into what you shouldn't." He pretended to frown. "Damn, I suppose that means no more kissing?"

"Yeah, I suppose it does," Quatre's eyes twinkled. "At least not with each other. Trowa and Heero though, now that's a whole different ball game. Did I mention what a good kisser Trowa is?"

"Yeah, but I lost count after the first hundred or so times," Duo laughed before attempting to pull his hand out of Quatre's grasp. To his surprise Quatre didn't relinquish his grip.

"It's okay," Quatre reassured him. "Just because we're setting a few boundaries doesn't mean we're not comfortable enough with each other to want to be physically close, like this." He winked. "I promise I won't try anything."

"Oh, I'm sure you won't," Duo countered. "After all there's Heero to contend with. You definitely don't want to get that guy jealous." Oh shit, where had that come from? Maybe his hope for their relationship wasn't as dead as he'd thought it was.

"In my culture," Quatre explained, his tone growing shy as he ventured onto a topic he'd never mentioned before, "it's acceptable for two good friends to hold hands and enjoy each other's company without necessarily being in a relationship. Even friends of the same sex." His smile faded. "Unfortunately though, homosexual relationships are frowned upon. Things aren't as rigid as they once were, even a hundred years ago, but I know there are certain um, more traditional members of my family who aren't going to view my relationship with Trowa in a very favourable light."

"Well you don't know until you tell them, right?" Duo took the opening and prodded Quatre back towards what they'd been discussing before. "Same way you don't know how Tro's going to react until you ask him."

"No, it's not the same. I'm not as naïve as people like to think I am. I'm well aware that I can't expect much in the way of support from most of my family regarding my choice of lifestyle," Quatre sighed. "But you know, I don't care. As much as I love my family, if it comes down to a choice, they can take the Winner family fortune and shove it up their arse." He laughed. "And you have no idea how good that made me feel saying that."

"I can guess," Duo told him. "Hey, I'm going to hit the shower. I need some time to think, and it's the perfect place to do it in." He winked, unable to resist the urge to tease, and knowing after what they'd just said, Quatre would be okay with it. "I'd offer to share, but I suspect you'd prefer someone else's company."

Quatre smirked. "Yeah, showers with Trowa are much more satisfying than anything you could offer." He rose to his feet, turning to speak again to Duo before opening the door. "I'm pleased we're okay. I value your friendship too much to lose it."

"So do I." Duo began gathering his clothes. There was no way he was going to give the domestic staff an eye full. "And you and Tro will be okay; hang onto that thought."

"I hope so," Quatre smiled, closing the door behind him.

A few minutes later Duo was wandering nonchalantly through the hall which connected the living and sleeping areas of the mansion, hands in his pockets, whistling the tune Quatre had sung to him earlier. Even though he doubted he'd ever hear it again without remembering what had happened, a part of him still wanted to retain that memory. His feelings towards Quatre hadn't changed, and he doubted Quatre's had towards him. That saying was so true - once you stopped looking you might as well be dead. It was a good thing that the proviso of looking but not touching only applied to Quatre. Now, Heero Yuy, he was a whole different ball game. He grinned, thinking about the fantasy of Heero playing striptease just for him. Maybe one day, he'd turn that into reality. Heero down to his boxers, now there was a mental picture he could get attached to. After all, the guy had one amazing ass.

Boxers.

Oh shit.

What the hell was Quatre planning to do with that photo? Quatre had been angry when he'd slipped it into his pocket, but surely now they'd sorted stuff out it would be easy enough to retrieve it. Duo didn't like the idea of a photo of himself tied to a chair and clad only in boxers lying around where someone might see it. The idea of explaining the context in which it was taken to either Heero or Trowa was one he liked even less. Unless that was why Quatre had taken it in the first place, to persuade him to talk to Heero? No, surely even Quatre couldn't be that devious.

Who was he trying to kid? Of course Quatre was that devious. Duo detoured, changing his route so that it took him past Quatre's bedroom. As he approached, he couldn't help but overhear his friend's voice. "I miss you too, love." There was a pause and a low chuckle. "Are you sure? It wouldn't do for Cathy to come in and find…" Another pause, as Trowa obviously interrupted. "Yes, you're right, it usually does make me feel better." Quatre laughed. "Good choice of words. Do you want to start or shall I? And this is much more fun without the visuals."

Were they about to do what he thought they were? Duo could understand Quatre's need to hear Trowa's voice, but surely…He shook his head, and moved out of earshot quickly, trying to distract his imagination from the journey it was attempting to embark on. Maybe that shower had better be a cold one.

And the photo would definitely have to wait for another time. There was no way he was going to interrupt his friend now. Quatre needed this, and so did Trowa.

A thought crossed his mind and he grinned, wondering what Quatre's last poker hand had been. [2] One thing was for sure, he was going to be more than prepared for the next game. The grin turned into a snigger. Heero and poker, now there was a scenario with distinct possibilities.

~Fin~

[1] Refers to events in an earlier story in the 'Outlasting Time' arc called 'Missing Pieces' which can be found here - http://www.angelfire.com/ab7/shadesandechoes/missing1.html

[2] Would you believe another straight? I dealt the poker hands played in this fic, and Quatre was quite right. He was winning without using his empathy. Got to love luck of the draw.