Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ A Ride Home ❯ A Ride "Home" ( One-Shot )

My December: A Ride to "Home"

By Silent Shadow

Author's Note: My 1. first Gundam fic. And 2. first Song fic. It's Relena's POV and how she feels about her life.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the song My December.

Relena looked out of the window of her limo… her pink limo. She shuddered at the thought. It was necessary though. Pink was an innocent color, like a little girl. "Anything wrong vice Foreign minister?" asked the limo driver. "No," she said, "the conference just wore me out." With those words, she closed the black glass between them. She missed Pegan, but he was old, and nothing could last forever, the other man would have to do.

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December

Snowflakes sank down from the sky giving the street a glowing effect. People were walking hand in hand on the sidewalk laughing. She noticed a couple of teenager girls giggling happily as they stared at a guy that was obviously flirting with them. Their hands were filled with early Christmas presents. Even from the tinted glass afar she could see their cheeks rosy from the cold and the snow melting from the warmth of their hair.

She pressed her hands against the glass starring at the scene. Slowly she edged her face to the glass until was touching the chilly glass, eating the scene up like a starving girl. Starving for someone to love, for someone to care about. But she had no one and nothing. A solitary tear slipped away from her eye onto the leather seat as she watched the kids disappear from sight.

This is all so clear

This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone

She had nothing, she was alone. Alone with the hundreds of people kissing up to her. They all tried to look up to her. Was pacifism really worth it? Is it worth sacrificing her life, soul, and her sanity? Why did she have to give up it all, to give up what she really was? Why did she feel like the fool? She felt stupid for working to the point of killing her soul for an idea she wasn't sure of.

And I
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there was something I missed

Did she really want this? This… pacifism? She sank back in her seat closing her eyes. Her honey blond bangs swayed and tickled her eyes. "Do I want pacifism?" she said aloud. "Her averted her eyes to the snow-covered street. "Well I don't want war." No she didn't. She hated the war that happened, with a passion.

It was because of that was war she was alone. It was because of war she woke up with screams and cold fear in the form of sweat dripped down her face. It was because of war that her arms were alone, not filled with the body of her parents she use to embrace when she came home. It was because of war her life shattered into pieces in her hands, the shards of her broken heart piercing her skin and leaving scars too deep for any one to see. War, she lost everything to it, but the question was still there, did she want pacifism?

And I
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that

She opened her eyes. "No," she whisper, "I don't." War had taken away her life, pacifism took away her freedom. Pacifism had take away her right to laugh at silly jokes. Pacifism had taken away the right to have true friends. It took away her right to cry when she wanted or to express her anger.

She remembered when Lady Une told her to shoot her. Oh how she wanted to grab the gun and pull the trigger with the twist of her fingers, and let the bullet go strait through the heart. To shatter the thing that the war had destroyed for her. She wanted to show her hate for the thing that taken away all her smiles for the world. But she didn't for the sake of an idea that would kill what was left inside.

And I
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there was something I missed

She remembered when she was little playing with the blocks in her 2nd grade class. That day was sunny and the rays showed in the spotless window.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" the teacher asked. "A princess," she replied. "Oh... well that will be hard," the teacher said smiling. "I know, but I'll end up happily ever after, everybody does," she replied.

A stupid mistake. A Princess was beautiful girl in a large palace. She had pretty dresses and was given anything she wanted. Then one day her knight in shining armor came up when she was in distress and saved her. Then they married had kids and lived happily ever after. She shivered and closed her arms around her to comfort her from the emptiness inside. She had nothing. She lived in a prison cell and was forced to eat and wore what others wanted her to wear. And she is in distress ever since her dad died, but her knight isn't there. He was gone, not here, he had not cared. She clenched her hands. Happily ever after? She just wanted to be over.

And I
Take back all the things I said to you

So why this mask? This scarified was not for her sake' it wasn't for her life. She watched a little girl making a snowman from the white blanket that covered the earth. It was for that girl's sake she lied. For the kids what had parents, for the children that had everything. She was once them, and she knew how much it hurt when it slipped through your fingers.

To give up everything so that another would never feel the loss that she did. To die for the soul of the other. That is what is keeping her alive. "Is this what Heero is feeling? The death of his soul, the need to sacrifice more to help others?" she asked to no one.

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to

She felt the car jerk on the slippery road. The car straitened out and continued to drive. But to where? Home? Relena laughed. Home is where your friends and family are. What was that phrase… home is where your heart is? What happened if your heart was tossed around by faceless people and then crashed onto the ground and stomped on until you could not even see the pieces? Where did she go then?

A house, a prison that is where she went. To sleep in a 'fairy-tale' house and know you will wake up to nothing but the chilly wind. No dad to kiss you in the morning, no mom to make you breakfast, no sister to help you with your homework, or brother to tease you and make a joke. No husband to greet you or a sleepy child to hug you around your legs. What would she give to have it.

Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

To have a person to fill her hands. Anyone that loved her would do. A brother, a lover, a parent, a friend, anybody. Each day she felt herself slip under, she felt like she was drowning the darkness. The cold nothingness draped around her like a shawl. And there was nobody to help. Nobody to love.

This is my December
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all I need

And it happened everyday as she smiled. She talked calmly about the ways of 'good'. Since when was it her decision? Did it never occur to them she was dying from the inside? Everyday she talked about how to make it better for others. "Did they think that if I made them happy, I would be just as content?" she whispered. Earth was her hell. A place of internal suffering. Was this fate?

Was it her fate to pretend for the rest of her life? Must she live behind the mask until the day she died? Will her secret be with her till her grave?

And I
Just wish that I didnt feel
Like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that

Life was routine. Wake up, speak, public lunch, autographs, and sleep. Was she even human? How could a person live without a hope? Without wanting to live to see the other day? How could a person feed off of a false idea? She somehow did, and it hurt her to see that each day another part of her was taken away. It was ripped up in front of her. Sometimes it felt like they were making fun of her. Taunting her about her false life.

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

And sometimes she felt like ripping the microphone of the podium and chucking it at the men. Didn't they understand? When they come home, they'll have their family greet them with hugs and kisses. When she came "home", she will be greeted with the silence that never left her soul. No family, no friends, and no beloved. How could deal with this, how many years experience did she have 3…4?

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

She could see the car pull in into the driveway the sunbeams bouncing on off the snow. "Great. Another day for nothing," she said sighing. Well it looked like her speech at the conference had a big impact on the people. The reporters had swarmed the car to get a picture of their 'princess'. "The blood sucking leeches. They think their words are coming from God's himself," she muttered angrily. What made them think that it is the people's best interest to know. It was knowledge that brought people out of a primitive life, and it will be knowledge that will finally destroy them.

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

"Home… Is that what I use to call it?" Relena asked herself. She stepped out of the snow-covered car. She was hit by a cool breeze chilling her to the bone. Home is a place where the heart is. That meant she had no place to go. Smile and wave is all she did as the flashes went off. She walked into the empty doorway. The expensive chandelier hung over the marble floor with beautiful silk carpets was all that greeted her.

And She would give it all away to have somewhere to go to, just to have someone to come home to.

It well never truly end.

Author's Note: How was it? Thought I never do a song fic. I've never liked them that much, but I love that song! It was so inspiring! Be gentle with the flames please, non Relena-lovers.