Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ A Vicious Cycle ❯ Part One ( Chapter 1 )

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A Vicious Cycle

 

By SaiyanBlack

 

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The house was fairly quiet, something that didn't seem to bother Hilde as she sat at the desk of the office. The hour was late, and the only sounds were those of the street outside the junkyard and the soft echo of the computer keys as she typed. She watched as numbers and words spread across the screen in rapid succession. It was a moment before she glanced at the digital clock in the bottom right corner of the monitor and sighed, giving the impression that she had done that several times before. Her fingers remained poised over the keyboard, not moving for several minutes as she stared out the half shut blinds of the window that faced the front of the scrap yard.

 

There was nothing.

 

Nothing at all.

 

She closed her eyes, trying to push the nightmarish thoughts from her mind. He was probably fine; there was no need for her to be so worried. It wasn't as if he couldn't take care of himself. Even if he was a bit reckless at times and foolish, he'd kept himself alive all through his childhood and the war. She had to believe that he would come back fine.

 

He would comeback.

 

He always did.

 

In a quick movement, she returned to her late night work, typing up a storm to finish the paper work for the day's business. It had been fairly normal, but the mood was more somber than it usually was. The yard had been empty of Duo's loud voice and even over all of the machinery noise, it had been missed.

 

Mostly by her.

 

But let's not get into that.

 

It couldn't have been ten minutes since she began typing again that a sound from the yard startled her. Her eyes snapped back up to the window, seeing a single faint light at the front gate of the compound. A dark figure passed before it, the single headlight illuminating the tall silhouette for a brief moment. She immediately relaxed, recognizing the sound his motorcycle as he pulled up to the house and into the small adjoining garage. Quickly saving what she'd done, she started the shutdown process just as she heard the door open and shut.

 

Looking into the darkened living room, Hilde saw Duo's tall lanky form drop into the couch with a sigh. She stood, slowly making her way between the rooms to lean against the wall that separated them. He had his head back against the top of the short couch, his arms out on either side of him and his knees wide apart. His eyes were closed, but after a moment, they opened and he gave her a weak smile when he looked up to see her standing there.

 

“Hey babe,” he greeted, but he sounded tired and worn. Not like his usual cheeriness. But even Duo had his off days.

 

“Hey,” she returned with a warm smile of her own. “Are you hungry? Want me to make you something?”

 

He shook his head and leaned back against the back of the couch, closing his eyes again. “No, I'm good. But thanks for the offer.”

 

He truly looked like he'd just had the worst day of his life. It also looked as if he was about to fall asleep where he was, which was probably not the best idea considering his odd position. He'd most likely wake up with a sore neck in the morning. With a small smile, she walked up to the couch and leaned over him, placing a gentle kiss on his exposed forehead.

 

“Come on,” she prompted, “let's get you to bed before you pass out on this lumpy old couch.”

 

“Hey,” he said indignantly as he opened his eyes and push up to his feet, “I like my lumpy old couch. We've had many nights of intimate conversations.”

 

Hilde giggled and followed him up the stairs, turning off the lights in the house as she went. Taking a look at the clock on the wall she noted again how late it was, but she was glad that Duo was finally home. The house felt warmer with him in it.

 

At the door to his room, she stopped him with a hand on his arm and he turned to look at her expectantly. Gazing up at him as he leaned against the door jam, she smiled, brushing her hand against his cheek.

 

“Get some sleep,” she told him, her voice expressing her concern, “Don't worry about getting up early. Sleep in as long as you want.”

 

He nodded, tilting his head into her hand as she stroked his face. His eyes were so tired, not only physically but mentally, and it worried her. He almost looked as if he could just keel over and die. He wasn't his talkative self and his few smiles seemed as if they had no heart behind them. He rejected food and looked as if he was about to fall asleep on his feet. There was something wrong, but for now, all she could do was make sure he got some sleep.

 

“Goodnight Duo,” she said warmly, smiling up at him. He returned it, though it was weak and didn't reach his eyes.

 

“'Night babe.”

 

She pulled away and moved to enter her own bedroom, just next to his. Her hand dropped from his face, but her smiled stayed on until he quietly shut his door. Standing in the hallway for a moment, she stared at the place where he had just stood, a concerned frown crossing her face.

 

She made a note to herself to keep an eye on him the next day and entered her room, closing the door behind her.

 

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Not being a particularly heavy sleeper, Hilde was jolted awake by the enormous thunk that made the wall opposite her bed shake slightly, enough to make the picture frame on her dresser fall onto its face. She sat there in her bed for a moment, trying to figure out what could have caused that sound when it happened again, though this time much softer. It suddenly occurred to her that Duo's bed was against the other side of that wall and she pushed away her bed sheets and rose.

 

When she entered the hallway Duo's door was still closed and she stared at it for a minute, as if expecting it to tell her what was going on. Hilde approached the door and placed her ear against the cool wood, listening to the sounds inside. She heard mumbling and a heavy thrashing sound, both of which worried her. It sounded like he was having a nightmare.

 

Taking the courage to open the door, she stepped in quietly, disturbed by the sounds of distress coming from the young man in the double bed. Moonlight filtered through the thin shades over the fair sized window, casting the room in an odd light. Duo was sleeping restlessly in the bed in the corner of the room, the long side pushed up against the wall that separated their rooms. His sheets were caught between falling off the bed and being tangled around his lanky form as his body twitched, throwing his head from one side to the other.

 

“No . . . stop . . . don't move . . . .”

 

She stopped her approach, thinking he was awake and addressing her, but he continued on, his voice changing in volume as his dream continued to torture him.

 

“Have to . . . mobile suit . . . gone . . . no . . . Sister . . . Father . . . please . . . no . . . alone . . . no . . . God . . . .”

 

Confused, she stood quietly at his bedside, thinking about how to comfort him without setting him off. His words were so filled with pain and when she came to stand next to his bed, she noticed tears running down his cheeks, mixing with the cold sweat of the dream. Reaching out, she gently touched his arm, speaking in a soothing voice.

 

“Duo, wake up,” in reaction to her voice, his head turned toward her. But it was obvious he was still asleep and caught in his nightmare. Words still escaped him, only hinting to the torture of his dream. His voice got louder and he moved suddenly, his arm hitting the wall with a thunk. She cringed; that sounded like it hurt. But she almost jumped out of her skin when he screamed.

 

“Duo! Duo, wake up!” she shook him somewhat roughly and his eyes snapped open, staring wide-eyed at something beyond her. His hands went up to grab her upper arms, his breathing heavy and uneven.

 

“Hil . . . .” he whispered, tears leaking through his blank stare over her head.

 

She leaned down, pulling him into her embrace as he wrapped his arms around her for comfort. Hilde kissed his forehead and cheeks, brushing his damp bangs away from his face. Duo pulled her down onto the bed with him, burying his face in her night shirt as he let the tears fall.

 

“Shh, Duo. It's okay,” she whispered into his ear, “I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.”

 

It hurt to see him like this, but she knew he was long overdue for another breakdown. Being called in by the Preventors yesterday had probably reminded him of the pain he suffered during the war five years previous. People usually didn't see behind his mask of cheerfulness that he portrayed to the outside. She sure didn't at first. In her mind he was the constantly-perky Gundam pilot with a million dollar grin. And he was, but he laughed it up to hide all his pain and depression from others. Even her.

 

It was Heero that told her about that mask. He opened her eyes to a darker side of Duo and prompted her to help him. Or rather help him help himself. She knew that there was nothing she could do outside of being his friend and comforting him after a night such as this. He had to get through it on his own. But she had promised herself that she would help him every step of the way.

 

But still, he never really opened up about his past or his dreams of it. But she knew one thing; Duo thrived on contact with people. If being alone after the Maxwell Church Tragedy produced the God of Death in a fifteen year old boy, she didn't want to see what would happen if the young man she now held was suddenly alone. Hilde feared that the deaths of the other pilots or her own death would push him over the edge and into oblivion.

 

Duo took deep breaths and his body shuttered against hers, making her realize how cold he must be. The sheets were damp from his sweat and his bare skin felt clammy.

 

“Come sleep in my bed tonight,” she prompted, pulling away and guiding him up with her. “I'll change your sheets in the morning. Come on.”

 

He followed silently as she led him out of the room by the hand. In her room, he sat on the bed with a despondent sigh, leaning over his knees so his head hung low over his limp hands between his legs. Hilde stood in front of him, reaching out to smooth away the loose strands of hair from his face.

 

“Do you want anything?” she asked gently, watching his bent head. “Water or something?”

 

There was a pause, then he nodded slowly, “Yeah. Water's good.”

 

“Alright, I'll be back in a moment,” she nodded, though he couldn't see it, and dropped her hand from his head, brushing his bare shoulder. Suddenly, he reached out and caught her wrist, stopping her from her move to the door. She turned to look at him, but he wasn't looking at her. Instead he stared down at their hands; his large, calloused ones and her smaller, more delicate fingers. He seemed to be silently debating something and when he spoke a moment later, she knew why.

 

“Babe, could you get me the pill?” he said quietly, though it seemed like he had made up his mind. She stared at the top of his head for a moment and bit her lip before speaking.

 

“Yeah, Duo. If that's what you want,” he nodded, his forehead brushing against their joined hands, “Alright. I'll get it.”

 

He released her hand and she slowly turned out of the room, walking down the stairs and through the living room to the kitchen. The dark house didn't bother her, though she had some close calls with the legs of the chairs around the kitchen table. She flicked on the light above the stove, casting the room in a dim orange light. Running the tap, Hilde grabbed a glass from the cupboard next to the refrigerator and filled it with the cool water from the sink. Taking a sip herself, she exited the kitchen, turning the light off as she passed the stove.

 

Back in darkness, she blinked several times to make her eyes adjust, just avoiding the coffee table as she passed through the living room and back through the hallway. Stopping in the bathroom across the hall from Duo's room, she flicked on the overhead light, placing the glass of water on the counter beside her. Duo's medicine, she thought blankly, opening the medicine cabinet behind the mirror and pulling out the only orange bottle out of three that had his name on it. It was a medium level sedative, something the doctor suggested to help the insomnia and panic attacks that sometimes came with his nightmares and other flashbacks.

 

Hilde considered the plastic bottle before opening the child-proof lid and tilting it so a single pill fell into her waiting hand. Capping the bottle, she placed it back in the medicine cabinet, closed the mirror and shut off the bathroom light. Cup of water in hand, she returned to her bedroom, finding Duo in almost the same exact position she had left him in. His head rose when he heard her come in and she handed him the glass, dropping the single white pill into his open hand. She watched him throw it into the back of his mouth and swallow several big gulps of the clear liquid. After a taking a moment to breathe, he downed the rest of the glass, giving it back to her waiting hand.

 

“Thanks babe,” he said quietly. She smiled down at him, reaching over to her bedside table to set the empty glass down.

 

“No problem,” she replied and nudged him farther onto the bed so they could lie down. He stretched out absently under the covers and she curled up beside him, unfazed by the arm that pulled her closer by her waist. Duo's head resting on her chest and shoulder didn't really strike her as sexual, just comfortable. He was warm and the weight of his head, arm and body on and against hers made her feel safe and cared for. He probably needed the physical contact and she was more than happy to oblige.

 

His breath was even against the skin of her neck and she soon found herself lulled to sleep, not knowing that Duo stared across the room for hours before the sedative finally kicked in, his lids closing over blank violet-blue eyes.

 

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It was nearly noon when Hilde found him in the kitchen the next morning. She was coming in from the junkyard's giant garage, ready to grab some lunch when she spotted him rummaging through the fridge. A smile crossed her face, glad he was feeling better. At the sound of the heavy door shutting behind her, his head popped up from behind the refrigerator door and he graced her with a grin.

 

“Hey babe? Do we happen to have any of that pastrami left from a couple days ago?” he asked, giving her that look that always melted any stubbornness in her.

 

“No,” she answered and smiled at his little pout, “you ate it all within two days. But we have some honey ham and Monterey jack in the meat shelf. I can make you a sandwich if you want.”

 

That million-dollar grin was back and he ducked his head back into the fridge, standing up with his arms full of deli bags and jars of various condiments. Setting the armload on the open counter of the kitchen's island, he went straight for the breadbox and pulled out the French rolls that the delicatessen had suggested the last time they had gone shopping. She chuckled to herself, entertained by his actions and the innocent smile he graced her with as she moved to the sink to wash her hands.

 

As usual, he watched her intently as she sliced the bread, spread all his favorites onto it in practiced amounts and piled everything from ham and cheese to lettuce and tomatoes. Cutting the whole concoction in half, she placed it onto the plate he provided and watched as he nearly dove into the sandwich. Giggling, she began to fix her own lunch, listening as he reached into one of the cupboards that held the dry food and pulled out a bag of chips. She was smoothing mayonnaise onto one of the halves, when suddenly a golden yellow, deep fried slice of potato was in front of her face and she took the offering from his fingers, half of it still sticking out of her mouth. He chuckled and returned to sitting at the small, round kitchen table.

 

After retrieving drinks for the two of them, she joined him for a comfortably quiet meal. The lack of conversation didn't bother her, mostly because Duo's mouth was too busy feeding him to talk. At least his appetite was back and she smiled at the thought. He looked up just in time to catch the small grin and he raised a brow questioningly.

 

“What's that smile about?” he asked, a weird look on his face as he watched her. She giggled at the accusing tone his voice had and just flashed him a big grin as she stood to put her plate in the sink. She could feel his eyes on her back and when she turned around, he had a very comical puzzled expression.

 

“I'm just happy you're okay,” she told him and his smile disappeared. It was replaced with a serious look, his jaw set as if he was thinking about something. Hilde watched him as he stood, placing his empty plate on the counter next to the sink as he approached her. A bit startled when he put his arms around her in a tender hug, she leaned up into him and returned the embrace. They stood there for several moments, just comfortable with each other's presence.

 

“Thank you,” he whispered hoarsely in her ear, “for taking care of me.”

 

She smiled, tucking her head under his and held him tighter. He returned the pressure, nearly lifting her completely off the floor. She kicked when she could no longer feel the wood laminate beneath her feet and he chuckled, lifting her even higher against his chest as she squirmed and giggled. Laughing, he picked her up like a child and twirled around in circles on the open floor.

 

Shrieking and laughing at the same time, Hilde clutched onto his shoulders for dear life - not worried that he'd drop her, but that they'd suddenly loose balance and topple over in a tangle of arms and legs. After a moment, Duo stopped spinning and he teetered a bit to the side before dropping into a chair with her in his lap. Hilde took the moment to relax, finding comfort in his arms. His long braid was a bit damp from the shower he took earlier that morning and smelled like the `manly' shampoo that he had a preference for.

 

She could feel the metal cross he wore pressing against her cheek from under his shirt, the last remnants of his priests' garb that he had long grown out of. His preference for black was still very much a part of his style and she wondered if there would ever be a day that it wasn't.

 

~DONG!~

 

At the surprisingly loud noise the two of them sat up to stare at the offending grandfather clock that stood against the foyer wall - a remnant from the previous owners of the house. It was now officially one o'clock. The thought took a moment to settle into Hilde's mind, but when it did she nearly made Duo jump out of his skin.

 

“Oh! I have to get back to work!” she cried, climbing off Duo's lap and running to the home office to grab a folder of much needed files for the shop work. She started pulling her shoes on, hopping back into the kitchen and over to Duo to plant a quick kiss on his forehead. “Try to relax,” she told him, reaching the front door, “See you later tonight!”

 

She heard a laughing “bye” just before the door closed behind her and she headed for the shop.

 

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“Hic! Argh!”

 

She heard Duo laugh from on the couch beside her as yet another hiccup jarred her body and she became even more frustrated when they refused to go away. She had tried everything short of suffocating herself; sugar, holding her breath, forcing herself to yawn and hanging down upside down over the couch but they still wouldn't go away. Duo on the other hand, seemed to find her whole predicament absolutely hilarious.

 

“Come here,” he told her, still laughing as he tugged on her arm, pulling her down to lay across the length of the couch, her head on his upper thigh. She felt uncomfortable for a moment but then relaxed when his hand started rubbing her back. And then . . . .

 

“HIC!”

 

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“Hey Hil!”

 

The brunette looked up from the data sheet as Duo walked into the back room of the shop where she was making last minute inventory before they closed up for the night. The tall man stood in the doorway, a huge grin on his face. She raised a slender brow, knowing that look - he wanted something. Luke, a shorter man in his late twenties appeared in the doorway behind him and he too had that look she knew so well.

 

“How can I help you boys?” she asked, very suspicious. Like usual, Duo picked up on it and the mask of innocence on his face doubled.

 

“Since its Luke's night off we were going to out for a couple of drinks with some of the other guys.”

 

She gave him a funny look, “And you're telling me this . . . why?”

 

“Well,” he laughed, scratching the back of his head, “I just wanted to tell you so you wouldn't be surprised if we called because we were totally wasted and needed a ride.”

 

She chuckled, shaking her head. Of course he was warning her about that; last time he called her in the middle of the night because he was so drunk he could hardly remember the phone number to the house - thank the gods that it was programmed into his phone - and he figured that it probably wasn't the best idea to drive.

 

“Alright,” she told them with a smile, “Try not to overdo it, okay?” They nodded and waved as they left the shop. “And call if you have more than four drinks!” she called after them and they waved in return. She watched them drive off, a couple of other workers following as they all clocked off for the week.

 

Sighing, she tried to relax her mind. For some reason she had a bad feeling about this.

 

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And it was several hours later when she knew why.

 

For the ninth time she must have looked at the clock from her position on the downstairs bathroom floor. It was well past three in the morning, an hour since she'd picked up Luke and Duo from the club downtown after Luke called. At the moment she was sitting on the hard tile, leaning against the wall with Duo's head in her lap. Luke dosed on the couch in the living room, visible and in calling range if needed. Bored and tired, she entertained herself with Duo's long hair, listening to the sound of his steady breathing - hoping it would stay that way for the rest of the night.

 

She knew from experience that Duo was usually a happy drunk, not that he got that way often, but it was hard to imagine him any other way. The few times that he had been really wasted she could count on one hand; the last time he and Luke went out, his twenty-first birthday, and a party hosted by Quatre of all people. But this was the first time that he had gotten an attack at the same time and it didn't mix well with the alcohol.

 

The result: one very depressed and suicidal ex-Gundam pilot.

 

It had taken both Luke, herself, and one of the bouncers at the club who was a friend, to get him into the truck without hurting himself and even then Luke had to hold him down so Hilde could drive. At the house, he had been less angry and more depressed, becoming easier to manage. Of course it was about then that the alcohol was taking its effects on his body and they barely got him into the bathroom in time. And they were still there, Duo either unconscious or asleep in her lap - it was hard to tell.

 

But at least he was breathing.

 

She was tired; of the attacks, of the sleepless nights . . . of the annoyingly constant ticking of the grandfather clock in the hall. The day was catching up with her and that itself had nothing to do with the past couple of hours. She glanced at the clock that hung near the mirror yet again - this being the tenth time. It was nearly four, way too late for any of this!

 

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It was with a straight face that Relena told him to look in on Duo for the few hours that they would be on L2 for the conference. He argued, of course, but she had a good handle on his worries - the one at the moment centering on his old braided comrade. So here he was, sitting in his car in front of the large junkyard gate, waiting for someone to answer the call button he'd pressed several minutes ago. He was about to press it again when the small side door opened, a burly man in his fifties stepping out to the car. Heero knew him as Scott, the elder from the father and son security team that watched over the yard.

 

“Well now,” he said with a kind smile, “Aren't you a sight for sore eyes! How are you doin' Mr. Yuy?”

 

“Alright,” he replied. In his head he was running over what the older man said, catching a hidden meaning in the greeting. “Are Duo or Hilde home?”

 

A dark shadow crossed over the back of the Scott's bright green eyes, “The both of them are home alright. Luke is there too. He stayed the night after Duo's relapse at the bar downtown last night, thinkin' Hilde might need some help.”

 

Alarms went off in his head, Duo wasn't known as a heavy drinker, but he didn't turn down a drink when it was offered to him. If he had gotten an attack at a bar, it was safe to assume that he had at least consumed a good amount of alcohol - a mixture that couldn't have done any good. Also, if what he was gathering from Scott's round-about comments was correct, it didn't.

 

“Thanks for telling me,” Heero told the aging man, double talking as well. Scott winked at him, catching on and stepped away from the car.

 

“Just give me a moment and I'll open the gate for you,” he said, disappearing back through the small doorway in the side wall. A couple seconds later, the gate slid open and Heero drove in, waving his thanks to the older man as he went by. He followed the drive through the yard, nearly reaching the back before the house Duo and Hilde shared came into sight behind piles of scrap metal and machine parts. He parked in front of the garage next to Duo's familiar black truck. The house didn't look any different than the last time he'd visited, nearly a year ago. He and Duo had seen each other since though, the most recent the call from the Preventors two months previous.

 

He knocked on the door and was semi-surprised that Luke answered. He didn't look too good; bags under his eyes, pale skin . . . the works. But recognition crossed his face and Scott's son smiled, looking relieved.

 

“They're in the bathroom,” Luke told him, opening the door wider and letting Heero in without a second thought. The dark haired ex-pilot had to wonder about their location in the house but he knew from experience how alcohol affected the body and the body's necessary - but disgusting - reaction.

 

What he found in the bathroom was a little out of the ordinary, even for this situation. Hilde sat on the cold tile, asleep, leaning against the wall and the rim of the shower with Duo's head cradled in her lap, the rest of his unconscious body spread out on the length of the bathroom floor. It didn't look like a comfortable position for either of them. He turned to Luke.

 

“I'll take care of them for now,” he told the shorter man, “Why don't you go home and get some sleep?”

 

It wasn't really a question, but Luke was too far gone not to pick up on that. Luckily, he was also too far gone to say anything about it when Heero indirectly ushered him out the front door. The man was sober enough to walk the short distance across the yard to his own house and he would only be in Heero's way if he stayed. With that done, the stoic young man returned to the bathroom. Kneeling next to the pair, he gently shook Hilde's shoulder, hoping to wake her without waking Duo.

 

“Hilde,” he called as she made a soft noise, her head turning against the wall. It took her a moment to collect herself when she opened her eyes, but she immediately focused on his face.

 

“Heero?”

 

He nodded, “I'm going to move Duo to the couch. Do you have a bucket just in case the alcohol isn't out of his system?”

 

If she wondered how he knew about the drinking, she didn't say, only nodded the affirmative to his question and helped him gently pick up the tall man that was still out cold on the floor. When free, she groggily went to get towels and a bucket from the garage, placing them on the carpet and under Duo's head once he was situated on his side on the living room couch. Heero watched her, seeing she was nearly as pale and tired as Luke.

 

“Go clean up and get some sleep,” he told her. She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off, nearly reading her thoughts, “You can stay down here, but only after you take care of yourself. I'll watch him.”

 

She sighed, admitting silent defeat, and nodded, turning to go upstairs. When she disappeared he checked Duo's vitals, finding him in fairly good health - not including intoxication. He made a note to ask Hilde if she had given him any medication, though he was positive that she knew better than to do that with Duo in the condition he was. He walked into the bathroom again and opened the medicine cabinet behind the mirror to look for the any type of medication, but only found some basic hygiene supplies like toothpaste and soap. He also saw a small bottle of mouthwash and put that piece of information into the back of his mind for later.

 

He returned to the living room, checking on Duo again before deciding that he should call Relena to tell her what was going on. Heero retrieved his laptop from his car and set it up on the kitchen table where he could keep an eye on the God of Death in his alcohol induced slumber.

 

Hilde descended the stairs in what looked like her pajamas an hour after he sent Relena a message telling her where he was. She checked on Duo, brushing his bangs away from his face and sitting beside the couch on the floor. Heero watched her silently from his position in the next room, observing the moment between his two friends.

 

“You should sleep,” he told her, repeating what he said earlier, “You look just as bad as Luke did when he opened the door and I doubt you have been drinking.”

 

She turned her head to look at him, resting it on the side of the couch. “I can't. Too worried,” she looked back at Duo, still smoothing back his disheveled hair. “It was so scary,” she continued, “seeing him like that last night. He was so angry at first, lashing out at everyone, screaming and fighting. And then he just . . . stopped, like nothing mattered anymore. I felt like if I didn't hold onto him, he would just give up on everything.” She looked back at him, her expression filled with pain, “I've seen him cry and scream. I've heard his nightmares, seen what they've done to him. But I've never seen him so ready to die like he was last night. It scares me . . . .”

 

She broke off and closed her eyes, leaning her head against the couch next to Duo's. Her right hand held his hand, the other was still within his hair, but she had stopped moving. Heero waited patiently for her to continue, allowing her the time to get her emotions under control, but when she didn't speak he prompted her.

 

“What scares you?”

 

His voice was calming and she opened her eyes to look at him with tears nearly brimming over. His heart clenched, as it tended to do in the recent years when he was faced with the emotional aftershocks of the war. It had struck everyone connected to the wars, but the rebound that he and the other Gundam pilots had faced were probably the most difficult. They each had friends now, people to help them, and each other to call on, but each of them had faced a time of loss, where they needed to reconnect themselves with the changing world around them. Duo, he knew, had slid into his new life the easiest and fallen the hardest.

 

Not a year after Mariemaia's coup d'etat in AC196, Duo had started to develop depression and though he had hid it well, Heero had noticed it when the two spent a week working together on Earth. Then, only months later, Duo collapsed, screaming, while working in the junkyard. Physically, he was fine, but something had done a number on his nerves. It only took a string of nightmares for Hilde to convince the braided young man to see a doctor and it all came down to one thing - something that was bound to crop up in one of them over the years. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

 

When Hilde still did not speak, Heero prompted her again. “Hilde?”

 

She whipped her eyes with her shirt sleeve, “I'm so scared he's just going to give up on trying to live and do something drastic. I'm scared that one day he's not going to come home and there will be nothing I can do to reach him. To help him.”

 

He sympathized with her. While not an openly emotional or friendly man, Heero held the friends he had in high regard and the thought of one of the few people he trusted and cared for dying, wasn't one that settled well within him. Not when he had the chance to do something to help. He stood and walked from the kitchen into the living room, grabbing an afghan from the back of one of the plush chairs. He approached Hilde and stood beside her seated form.

 

“Then we'll just have to make sure that there will never be a reason for him to leave,” he told her and he meant it whole heartedly. She smiled up at him through her tears and accepted the afghan he offered her. “Get some sleep.”

 

She nodded and stood, leaning over to place a kiss on Duo's exposed forehead. He moved to return back to the kitchen, but Hilde's hand on his arm stopped him. Looking up at him, she gave him a warm smile and hugged him.

 

“Thank you, Heero,” she told him as his arms came up to embrace her in return. “Thank you for everything.”

 

A small smile crossed his face, “You're welcome.”

 

Releasing her, he took the afghan from her hand and draped it around her shoulders, pushing her toward the lazy-boy chair that he had originally removed it from. It seemed the most comfortable place since she refused to rest upstairs and she allowed herself to be directed into it. He returned to the kitchen and his laptop, intent on busying himself as Hilde drifted off to sleep.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

 

 

(Don't worry, it's not finished. One more chapter to go!)

 

 

 

AN: If anyone would like to learn more about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and the many different effects it has on both men and women, please visit the National Center for PTSD website at http://www.ncptsd.org