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Warnings: Slash, 2+1+2

Disclaimer: I do not own Robert Frost. 'Course probably he's pretty nasty by now so that's a good thing. Either way, I do not own his work or this lovely poem. Similarly, I do not own Gundam Wing, or Duo or Hiiro.

AN: This story came to me through a conversation about True Love and whether or not it exists - so I decided to write about it. *Hugs* Thanks, Moonraven-chan!

AN Updated 2-17-03: I seldom go back to fix my stories, but this one I just *had* to. The first time through, I was on some serious medication (my only excuse for the previous ending). Hopefully this will be considered an improvement…in truth, I'm still not all that happy with the way this turned out, but at least I can live with it.

Acquainted with the Night

by Xellas M.

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain-and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

- Robert Frost

~~~~~~~~~~

Almost everyone these days walks around with an empty place deep inside. They believe this would be filled if only they had the perfect job, the perfect car, or the perfect marriage. In this respect, if in few others, Duo Maxwell was no different from anyone else, except perhaps that he did not know exactly what it was he needed. Outwardly happy, he was respected and admired around the world as one of the famous Gundam pilots who had helped bring a true end to war ten years earlier. Inside, there remained the nagging feeling that something was missing.

So he walked around the city at night, watching the lights and the people, thinking lost thoughts. It had become a habit, a compulsion that he couldn't deny - especially when there were decorations everywhere marking the anniversary of the end of all wars.

Television, movies and ads were probably to blame for this loneliness. It seemed he couldn't go anywhere without seeing beautiful people living in perfect bliss. True love could be found everywhere, especially in coffee houses. Actors always lived Happily Ever After, or if they didn't, they died dramatic deaths proclaiming their eternal love and arranging to meet in Heaven.

Duo did not believe in Heaven. If he accepted Heaven, logically he would be forced to accept Hell. And if there was a Hell, Duo was screwed.

Heaven was not the only thing in which Duo did not believe. He did not believe in Santa Claus. Santa was a lie grownups told little children and he *hated* lies. And he especially did not believe in True Love. Love was just another instinct, as important to survival of the species as fear was to the survival of the individual.

He did believe in sex, of course. Having a good time and giving a good time to others. Really, that was what life was all about. He never had to work very hard to find willing partners. Fame and natural charm took care of that. Often, he would find them waiting outside his door, attractive women and men. At first it had boosted his ego, knowing that he was their biggest fantasy come to life, but later on that aspect had mattered less and less. He let them in, gave them what they wanted and took what he needed in return.

Occasionally, he would meet someone interesting and be the seducer. So far no one had ever turned him down…well, someone had, once. A man with icy blue eyes and an even colder heart. And what Duo lost that day had meant so much more to him than a little fun and relief of loneliness; he had lost his very best friend.

That had been five years ago, tonight. He was over it now. He had to be, because there really wasn't any alternative.

His feet stopped of their own accord. Somehow in his wanderings he always seemed to end up here, at an ancient clock in the center of town. Although he had stared at it for hours, he never could seem to remember the time afterwards. He blinked at its brightly luminescent face, trying once more to comprehend the symbolism of its archaic arms and stylized numbers, only to sigh as memory overtook him.

~~~~~~~~~~

The elegant ballroom was warm, uncomfortably so, but Duo did not care. Tonight they would be celebrating the fifth anniversary of the end of the war. He was with friends who loved and understood him…one of whom after tonight might become more than just a friend.

Five years of peace hadn't changed Hiiro Yuy all that much. The braided ex-pilot had been watching the stoic young man for a long time, testing his limits gradually, until he finally felt there was enough evidence to support the idea he so very much needed to be true: that Hiiro Yuy wanted him, too. And tonight Duo had decided would bring his confession.

There had been a clock there, too. Counting down the hours and minutes until midnight, measuring the social dance of awkwardness, relaxation and inhibition. Before it could strike, the violet-eyed man spoke.

"Hiiro, there's something I have to tell you, something important."

Face slightly flushed from the wine the Perfect Soldier permitted himself on this occasion only, Hiiro looked up. He must have seen the unusual seriousness on his friend's face, because he even went so far as to lay a comforting hand on the American man's arm, although he still did not speak.

Hope almost choked the talkative pilot. If only it had stopped him from going through with his plan!

"Hiiro, I am in love with you." The words sounded strange, his voice stronger and deeper than it should have been.

Hiiro snatched his hand away as though he had accidentally grabbed something repulsive, like a weapon.* His eyes took on the same emotionless glare he had worn throughout the war.

"I'm not like that."

"I just thought you should know, that's all." Smiling was easy. It hurt like hell, but it would be OK. "Still friends, right?"

"Yes." A simple answer, but of course it was a lie. From that point on, Hiiro had always seemed to be too busy to get together and eventually the friendship Duo had worked so hard to forge melted away.

~~~~~~~~~~

It had begun to rain, one of those freezing southern winter rains that chill as badly as any northern blizzard. Slowly, Duo let the cold numb him, wrapping his beaten black trench coat around his body only when his teeth began to chatter.

He began to walk again, not back the way he had come but in a new direction. It wasn't time to go home just yet.

He had avoided the yearly celebrations after that, of course. At first his friends, with the notable exception of Hiiro, had tried to argue. Surprisingly, it was WuFei who was the last to finally give up on him. Even his calls had finally stopped this past spring when Duo had politely refused an invitation to WuFei and Sally's wedding.

Duo knew he was running away but the thought didn't particularly bother him. Run away and hide, but never tell a lie - it was the one value he'd managed to uphold. Unconsciously, his pace sped up in response to his thoughts.

He was in a bad neighborhood now, but that did not matter. No one ever accosted Duo on these solitary walks. Enough of Shinigami remained within him that the thin man looked dangerous enough to keep the predators away. The nighttime was security, safety.

Which was probably why he felt so violated when he heard footsteps begin to echo behind him, matching his pace. He stopped, suddenly, wrapping himself up in the quiet of the darkness. The footsteps continued behind him, one step, two steps, then fell silent as well.

Adrenaline warmed the braided man's body as his cold lips curved in a dangerous smile. If someone wanted to play that was just fine with him; the asshole deserved what he was going to get.

He continued on as though he had heard nothing. Cheap housing and dirty streets eventually gave way to an industrial center. Abandoned factories were scattered amongst their better-kept neighbors like bruises on the face of a beautiful woman. In the daytime this place would be busy, filled with working people going about their business just as always. But at night things were always different.

Duo realized he had run out of time when he saw the dark shadow of water approaching. He had reached the end of the City; streets and sidewalks were coming to an end. Silently, with the stealth that had protected him a lifetime ago, he slipped behind a dumpster and listened.

The footsteps halted.

Quickly, the ex-Gundam pilot crept along the shadows, circling around his unseen companion before whoever it was gave up. When he reached the place he judged the last sound had come from, he risked a glance up.

A dark figure stood in the middle of the street, head turning this way and that as if straining to pick up any indication of its target. Carefully, Duo began creeping up behind the would-be assailant, prepared to strike first and look for answers later.

Twenty feet to go; the braided man held his breath and cast his violet eyes somewhat downward, conscious that any slight gleam might betray him. Ten feet remaining. Duo was close enough now that he could see the stalker was probably male and a few inches shorter than himself, but detail was still lost in the mist-like rain. Five feet away, and Duo began lifting his arm slowly, not letting the slightest rustle of fabric or movement of air alert the other man.

"Duo Maxwell."

Duo froze, but the speaker did not say another word.

The rain began to come down slightly harder.

The voice was familiar. Quiet, deep and soft. A chill ran down the American man's spine as icy water dripped behind his collar and down the braid he wore under his coat. Quickly, he got himself under control and slowly lowered his arm. It wouldn't do for any of the other ex-pilots, especially this one, to see him gawking in surprise, speechless. He had a reputation to protect, after all.

"Hey honey, how've ya been?" A big welcoming smile bloomed over the braided man's face, not the slightest trace of sarcasm detectable.

Hiiro turned around slowly at that, stepping closer in a vain attempt to read the feelings behind his onetime best friend's smile.

"Duo…" Hiiro began, and then paused, obviously searching for the right words. The silence stretched, time marked only by the increasingly heavy drops of rain striking the pavement.

The tall American drew up to his full adult height of 6'2" as a sudden thought struck him. The very few reasons he could think of for this particular figure to appear from his past. All of them were bad.

"Is someone dead? Has another war started up after all? Whatever it is, just say it."

The blue-eyed man shook his head, unintentionally splattering more rain against Duo's raincoat. "It's nothing like that. Can we find somewhere else to talk? Is anything still open at this time of night?"

Duo shrugged. "What time is it?"

Hiiro shrugged in reply. "I'm not even sure, to be honest with you."

The braided man snorted internally. An honest Hiiro Yuy. Mr. Lets-Punch-Duo-so-I-Alone-Can-Escape, Mr. Of-Course-We're-Still-Friends himself. But there was no point in saying any of that. Instead, he replied, "Well, I'm sure something's open somewhere. Let's go, there is a shorter way back."

In silence, the pair took a winding path, taking one street to an abrupt end, then turning and continuing. It was still very quiet, aside from the occasional cry made by a police car or ambulance as it answered a call somewhere nearby. Eventually, the lights grew brighter and closer even as there were more people.

Finally, nearly frozen through, the ex-pilots hit upon their first open establishment. Duo read the sign and couldn't resist laughing.

"A coffee house. It just figures!" His thoughts, spoken aloud, only further fueled his giggles.

"Why is that funny?" Hiiro asked, but the other man simply calmed himself down somewhat and shook his head.

"Let's just get in before we freeze to death out here."

They went in, ordered coffee and sat down at a relatively secluded table in the back. Once his icy hands had absorbed as much heat as possible from the outside of his mug, Duo risked a sip.

"Ack! This stuff's terrible. How do these guys stay in business?"

Hiiro smiled, but drank a good sip of his own without complaining. He then let out a long sigh before looking right into a pair of violet eyes.

"Duo, there's some things I need to tell you. It's going to be very difficult, so please don't say anything until I'm done."

"I promise." Warmed and partially recovered from his shock, curiosity was now eating the taller man alive.

"When you said that to me, five years ago, I wasn't ready to hear it."

A single raised eyebrow plainly said "Nooooo…you're kidding!" But true to his word, not a sound escaped the garrulous man's lips.

"I spent that first year running, from you, from everyone, but mostly from myself. I hated the person I was trained to be. I knew there was something better out there, but was terrified to try to find it. It was so much easier making excuses, blaming my past and Dr. J for everything that was wrong with my life. Eventually, I realized that if I kept on that way all I had to look forward to was years wasted in regret and self-pity. So I got help from Sally Po. WuFei's a very lucky man. She took me to several experts for help and stayed with me the entire time. She's amazing.

"It took them all nearly four years to help me straighten myself out. Some things about me will probably never change, but at least now I'm in control. I have choices.

"When you told me you loved me, I knew that I loved you too. I wanted to tell you so badly, but I couldn't. And now I can." Here the Japanese man smiled softly.

It was the first time Duo had ever seen the Japanese man show true pride in himself. It was beautiful.

Finally, Hiiro continued. "I found you as soon as I could. None of the others had any idea where to find you and I knew that was my fault as well. What I've come to say is that…I still love you Duo, I always will. Please come back to us. Even if it is too late for us, we all miss you."

"You never do anything halfway, do you?" Duo said, and then raised his coffee mug to his lips, to hide his face and give him time to think. The coffee was now icy cold and extremely nasty. He set down the cup, unable to help it when his shaking hands splashed some of the bitter liquid down the side. Part of him wanted to jump up and down and dance for joy. Still, he was a little angry with Hiiro for trying to walk back into his life as if nothing had happened, and a little angry with himself because he knew he was going to eventually let it happen. Eventually.

"Look, a lot of time has passed. You've changed…and I'm not the person I was before, either." The American began seriously, but couldn't completely repress a smile on seeing the intense look on his former partner's face. "But I do miss you guys. I'm not making any promises, but maybe I'll come back for a little while, to visit…and who knows?"

Nothing further was said on the subject, their time instead spent discussing the small but important details only spoken about between old friends. Finally, they left the shop, planning to get a good day's sleep before heading home to their family, the other pilots. Once outside, they stopped to watch the perfect sunrise with the innocent awe characteristic of the colony-born.

The clock in the middle of town began to chime. Although he could not see it, Duo counted its strikes. He counted to six before they stopped. This time, he knew he would remember.

~Owari

~~~~~~~~~~

* Hiiro had given up killing at the end of EW, this simply assumes he gave up using all weapons.