Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Addicted ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the Gundam boys, I just like to imagine them in my own little world (which is totally of my imagining). No profits are made from this story, just gratuitous pleasure.

Warnings: Angst/attempted suicide

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: 1+2

Summary: When Heero decides to walk away from their life together, Duo takes drastic measures to get the perfect soldier out of his head, once and for all.

A/N: Reviews are appreciated. Your reviews are your gift to me. My gift to you is this story. I hope that you enjoy reading it.



Addicted

I heard you're doing okay
But I want you to know
I'm addic-,
I'm addicted to you

I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
But you left anyway


~*~

It had been over two weeks now since that awful fight, and for the life of him, Duo couldn’t even remember what it was they had fought about. Only the results of the fight were still as clear as the moment they had happened.

Heero had said something to him, he had yelled something at Heero and Heero’s response had been a hard slap across his face, sending him crashing against the wall. Then Heero had advanced on him, fist raised, and all Duo could do was slide down to the floor, tears spilling from his cobalt blue eyes, hands up to protect his face. He couldn’t even plead with Heero not to hit him again. All he could do was stare at him in wide eyed terror.

Heero restrained himself at the last moment. Instead of hitting him, his hand caressed Duo’s cheek gently for a moment, the fury emptying out of his deep Prussian blue eyes to be replace by indifference.

“That’s it,” he said softly. “It’s over, I’m out of here.”

Then he turned and walked away with another word or a backward glance. And all Duo could do was cry.

The next day, at work, everyone had looked rather curiously at the bruise on his face, but no one said anything. Heero was absent from work, but no one seemed to find that strange. Then Duo heard, through the grapevine, Heero had taken a solo mission. Of course, he had to pretend he knew and that everything was fine, but in reality, his heart was breaking. Heero wanted to get away from him that badly?

The last straw had come just yesterday.

“Hey Duo, bet you’re glad Heero’s back, aren’t you? He’s looking really good, guess the mission wasn’t too hard on him,” one of his co-workers had said.

Duo felt as if he had been punched in the gut. Still, he smiled and joked about it, all the while feeling as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped over him. He left work just as soon as he could, going back to the small house he had so lovingly shared with Heero, that now felt lifeless and empty. The house felt as cold as his heart. He placed a call to Heero’s cell phone, but only got a bland recording telling him to leave his name, his number, etc. He hung up on it, but he knew Heero would see that he had called.

He waited, hoping, but knowing there would be no response from the perfect soldier. Once Heero Yuy chose a plan of action, very little could sway him from it. Duo’s heart finally broke completely, accepting the fact Heero wasn’t ever coming back.

‘I just can’t do it,’ he thought to himself. ‘It’s too hard. It hurts too much. And there’s only one way to get Heero Yuy out of my head, because I’ll never be able to get him out of my heart.’

That was on Thursday night. On Friday morning, he called Quatre.

“Hey, Q-man, Duo here,” he said, trying hard to maintain his cheerful demeanor.

“Duo, what’s up? We saw Heero downtown yesterday, but didn’t get to say more then hi. He said he was in a hurry to get somewhere, home to you, I bet. He has been gone a couple of weeks, after all,” said Quatre happily, unaware of the despair his words just created in Duo.

“Yeah, well, Q, I just wanted to ask you a favor, no questions asked, ok?” said Duo, the cheerfulness sounding a bit strained now.

“Well, of course, Duo. Whatever I can do for you guys, you know I will,” Quatre replied quickly. “What is it?”

“Yeah, well, you know that one safe house we used for a while, that one back up in those mountains? I… I was wondering if I could use it for a couple of days?” Duo asked, trying hard to maintain the proper voice inflections, but falling short.

“Duo, what’s wrong?” asked Quatre, his heart telling him that Duo was hiding something from him.

“Hey, no questions, remember? I… just need a place to think,” said Duo, the anxiety tearing at his voice.

“Well, sure, if you want to. There’s no electricity or heat, and I don’t think anyone’s been there for quite some time. It’s sort of isolated. You weren’t planning on going up there alone, were you?” asked Quatre, concern heavy in his voice. “Duo? Please? Can’t you just tell me why? Heero’s home now, isn’t he? You’re not fighting, are you?”

“You know what, Q, just forget I asked. It was stupid, anyway. Everything’s just fine.” Duo hung up abruptly, no longer able to contain his sobs. The house phone rang and when the answering machine picked up, he could hear Quatre’s voice, but he ignored it. And he ignored the call to his cell phone.

He had to get away. He had to run, to hide. After all, wasn’t that what he did best? Looking around the cold, soulless house, he took a little food, found his survival knife, making sure it was razor sharp, then got his gun and ammo clips from his room. Everything else he turned his back on. He wrote a note and left it on the dinning table along with his cell phone and his keys. Then he, too, walked away from everything in the world he loved.

~*~

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you

Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again

Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

~*~< br>
Quatre hung up after Duo didn’t answer either phone, then called Heero’s cell phone. But he only got a voice mail recording telling him to leave a message at the sound of the beep.

“Heero? It’s Quatre. I just got a really weird call from Duo. Is everything alright? Please call me,” he recorded, hoping Heero would call soon. Then he went to seek out Trowa and spilled out the whole story and his fears for the normally happy Duo.

“It’s probably nothing, angel,” said Trowa. “You know Duo’s sense of drama. Call him Monday. Everything will all be peaches and cream again.”

Quatre didn’t really think so, but he let Trowa sooth away his qualms, agreeing to wait until Monday.

By Monday night, though, there was still no word and no answer from either of the other two pilots and neither had reported for work. Now Quatre was really worried. Where could Heero and Duo be?

~*~

Duo walked away from it. If that cold-hearted bastard, Yuy, could do it, so could he, Shinigami. But he was damned if he’d parade around like nothing had happened. He had to get far, far away, then it would end, all the pain, all the hurting, all the ugliness that his life had become. He’d thought in Heero he had found a balm for all of that, but like everything else in his life, it was fleeting. It had all been a lie.

After a lot of walking and hitchhiking, he finally made it to the abandoned safe house, and he found it just the way Quatre had described it.

He broke in carefully through the back door and looked around. It was small, just how he remembered it, a living room, kitchen/dining area, one bathroom and two bedrooms. He chose the one he’d lived in with Heero and went in to collapse on the dusty, musty bed. It seemed appropriate.

There was no electricity, no heat, no running water and it was completely stripped of everything except the large furniture. Empty and lifeless, just like his heart, his life without Heero Yuy. Well, it suited his mood and purpose just fine. He lay curled on the bed, his gun clutched to his chest, and tried to sleep.

He was so tired, he hadn’t eaten since sometime Friday and the lack of anything resembling warmth soon had him feeling fevered and sick. But he held on, knowing he needed to last at least a couple of more days. He knew they would come, and he waited for them.

And over and over in his mind he kept replaying that last scene, Heero’s hand hitting him, Heero’s eyes going cold, empty and emotionless, Heero’s back as he walked away, Heero’s voice saying ‘it’s over, I’m out of here’. Over and over, in an endless loop it ran through Duo’s fevered mind.

‘Why, Heero? Why?’ thought Duo, brokenly. ‘Why do I have to love you so much and why does it have to hurt so bad? Why, Heero? Why?’

~*~

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
still addic-,
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you.

Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you...
But you left anyway

~*~

At first he was so cold, but soon he stopped feeling it, and through his fever pitched mind ran bits and pieces of their lives together. There seemed to be no life before Heero Yuy, and there surely wouldn’t be any life without him. Duo only wanted his love, was that too much to ask? Heero had to know that Duo would do anything for him, anything to make him happy, including die for him, if that was what would take to make Heero Yuy happy.

~*~

“Trowa, I’m really worried,” said Quatre. “Neither one has called me back and I’ve left several messages. I want to go over to their house tomorrow. I’ve got to know what’s going on.”

Trowa took his teary eyed blonde angel into his arms, offering what comfort he could, and agreed to take Quatre to Heero and Duo’s house tomorrow. Damn those two for the wreck they were making of his beloved Quatre.

The house was quiet when Trowa and Quatre showed up Tuesday afternoon and they found Duo’s car, but there was no answer to their knocking or their shouts. They tried all of the doors and windows, then finally managed to get the back door jimmied open.

Quatre went through the whole house, but there was no sign of anyone having been there for a few days. Everything was in it’s place, neat and tidy, and that made it seem even stranger. Then Trowa showed him the note on the table, and the phone and keys that were keeping the simple note company.

Quatre collapsed to the floor in tears when he read it, and grabbed his cell phone, somehow punching in Heero’s number through his tears. He got the insufferable voice mail message again.

“Hee… Hee… Heero,” Quatre sobbed, “pick up, dammit.”

“Yuy,” said Trowa, taking the phone from the nerveless fingers of his sobbing lover. ”I don’t know what the fuck you did to Maxwell, but your partner is getting ready to self-destruct, if he hasn’t done it already.”

Trowa hung up and knelt down to comfort Quatre as he tried to get his sobs under control. The phone rang. Heero, the display said. Trowa answered.

“What do you mean, self-destruct, Barton?” Heero demanded. “Where is Duo?”

“We don’t know. We’re at your house and he’s gone,” Trowa replied. “He left his car, his keys, his phone and a note for you.”

“What does it say?” Heero asked, not sure if he really wanted to know.

“Heero,” Trowa read, “I don’t know what it was I did, but without you, nothing is worth it. Now you can really be free. Duo.”

“That’s it?” Heero demanded.

Quatre pulled at Trowa’s shirt and sobbed something at him.
“Quatre said he didn’t even take his hair brush. It doesn’t look like he took anything. Even his jacket is still here,” Trowa told Heero.

“Do… do you know where he might be?” asked Heero, starting to feel the first pangs of fear. Shinigami self-destruct? It wasn’t possible. Duo couldn’t do that.

“Quatre got a strange call Friday morning. We think he might be at Quatre’s cabin in the Ozark’s, the one we used as a safe house, once. We’re going up there to see,” Trowa told him.

“I’ll meet you there,” said Heero curtly, hanging up. Self-destruct? Not his Duo, his Shinigami. This couldn’t be happening.

~*~

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you

Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again

Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time

I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

~*~

Duo could hear the crunch of the tires on the gravel outside through the haze of his fever. He alternated freezing and sweating, at times hallucinating, but he never let go of the gun he clutched to his chest. Hearing footsteps and the door rattling, he struggled to pull himself up into a sitting position in the corner of the bed, then propped the hand holding the gun up on his knee, the barrel pointing up under his chin, his finger on the trigger. Then he waited, shivering, his hand shaking, his breathing labored, his eyes glazed from the pain he was feeling.

Quatre froze as he rounded the corner, his hands going to his mouth to stifle the scream that tried to burst out of his throat. Trowa stopped just behind him, eyes wide in shocked disbelief. His arms went around Quatre’s waist, holding the both of them up.

Duo had dark circles under his glassy eyes, his clothes were filthy and he looked like a mad man, gun pointed at himself. And his hair, his beautiful hair that had always been his pride. The dirty, unkempt hair was the sign that told the two that this was no joke.

“Q-man, Trowa, knew I could count on you two ta show up ta say goodbye,” said Duo, in a slurred, quavering voice, hand shaking harder now. “Tha’s far enough. Jus’ stay over there.”

They froze, uncertain of what to do. Then Heero walked in behind them, a look of bitter sorrow on his face, anguish in his deep Prussian blue eyes. He stopped, pain clutching at his heart at the sight of what his beautiful Shinigami had become.

“Hey, Yuy, come to see ole Duo self-destruct, have ya? Gonna make sure I let go of you this time, huh? You hate me that much, do ya, Yuy?” Tears ran down Duo’s face, but the gun never wavered. “I only ever loved you. Was that so bad, Yuy? Was it?”

“Duo,” said Heero, softly, taking a step closer to the bed, holding out a hand as if in supplication. “Put the gun down, Duo. Don’t an idiot.”

“Huh… i’n’t that what I am? The braided idiot? Di’n’t you tell me that often enough? Gues’ I finally started ta believe ya, Yuy.” Duo sniffed hard, but just let the tears run down his face. “Well, you get ta witness my last great act of stupidity first hand, now don’t ya, Yuy? You get a front row seat to watch Shinigami self-destruct. That get you off, Yuy? That’s what you want, what you said, me, out of your life, right? Huh. Well, looks like you’re gonna to get your fondest wish, Yuy.”

“Duo, put the gun down. Let’s talk about it, alright?” Heero tried to make his voice calm and soothing, but was having a hard time assimilating the situation. How could he stop this madness?

“Talk? Talk, Yuy? I’n’t it a little late for that?” Duo sobbed and the gun wavered slightly. Heero took another slow step forward. “Shouldn’t you‘ve tried that before you hit me, said it was over and walked out on me?”

“Duo, I swear, I never wanted to hurt you,” said Heero softly, taking another careful step forward.

“Fuck you, Yuy! What’d you care about hurting me? All you’ve ever done is hurt me. And all I’ve ever done is love you… even when you hurt me the most,” Duo whispered the last part, his hand shaking so hard, he was having trouble controlling his gun, the tears almost blinding him.

“Duo, I love you,” said Heero, simply. “Don’t leave me. I realize now, I need you, I can’t live without you. Please, Duo, come home with me?”

“Yuy, you bastard! You cold-hearted, emotionless bastard! How can you say that to me?” Duo demanded. “You fuckin’ walked out on me, you left me. No, Yuy, it’s over, it’s done, remember? Tha’s what you said, yeah? Now, I’m gonna get you outa my head, once ‘n’ for all.”

Duo’s eyes closed, the gun wavered briefly before he pulled the barrel firmly up under his chin and his finger started to squeeze the trigger.

Heero dived across the floor towards the bed.

Quatre screamed and burrowed his face in Trowa’s chest.

Trowa clasped his angel tightly in his arms, eyes wide with horror, never leaving Duo.

And the gun went off.

~*~

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you

Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker...


Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you…

Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you…

Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you…

Heartbreaker…

~*~

Duo lay back in his own bed, once more in their cozy little house, blankets piled on to warm him, recovering from the bronchial pneumonia, the exposure, the dehydration and the deprivation from which he suffered.

A white bandage covered the side of his face where the bullet grazed him after Heero knocked it out from under his chin. Heero, the perfect soldier, had been too quick for the sick Shinigami, his illness slowing his reaction time.

Heero had clutched his broken Shinigami to himself, his tears mingling with Duo’s blood as he realized that he was as addicted to Duo Maxwell as Duo was to him. They were so much in each other’s blood, neither could be happy without the other. It was a shame that it had taken something so drastic to open his eyes to this simple truth.

And, slowly, Heero would work to reassemble the broken shards of their shattered dream, forever being consumed by the sweet addiction that they could never withdraw from.

~*~

(Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you)


Thanks for reading, hope your visit was a good one.