Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Afflictions of the heart 1/1 ❯ Afflictions of the heart 1/1 ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do not own the Gundam boys or any other character from the series.

Warnings: Angst, language.

Pairings: 3+4+3

Rating: NC 17

Author: Ryouga.

Authors note: This fic is a prequel to Reflections of the Heart, and was written because of a request for a prequel to highlight what the fight was over.

Dedication: thecleveryoungthief.

Date: 10/7/2003

Title: Afflictions of the Heart.

I glance at the clock on the wall.

"Where have you been?" I ask as you walk through the door at eleven pm, and you look at me with distant emerald-green eyes.

"Working." You reply casually. "I had to help with the weapons systems at work. Sarah, can't run them without the binary function code, so I taught it to her."

I stare at you my mind running wild. "Last night it was the generator's fuse box. The night before her computer malfunctioned!" I snap. "What will tomorrow night be… fucking her senseless?"

There I said it!

You glare at me, a hurtful look in your eyes and I can sense that you are disgusted that I could even sink so low as to believe that you'd have an affair, "Your suspicious nature does not become you Quatre." You fold your arms, frustrated by my overly evident lack of trust. " I've told you before; Sarah only started working at the complex six weeks ago, she still needs help."

I look at you, scanning your posture, trying to find the breaks in your composure that will give your body language the chance to betray you. I can sense your hurt as you turn away from me announcing that you're going to have your shower.

"Go ahead, wash away the evidence, " I state boldly, "I know what's going on Trowa; you are fucking her aren't you?"

Don't look at me like that...

You stare back at me from the hallway, and I suddenly regret my harsh words. "I'm warning you Quatre," you begin ominously, "I won't take much more of this accusing behavior from you! You're acting like a spoilt sniveling brat!!"

"And I don't want your lies and deceit; I want a true lover, not an unfaithful cheating bastard!!! I love you Trowa, but how am I supposed to react when you always have some excuse for coming home late; and nine out of ten times it's always something to do with her?"

Your eyes narrow and the glare that befalls your face and directs itself at me is frightening. I have never seen you look that way before and I know I have insulted you tremendously. I may have just made the biggest mistake of my life.

What if I'm wrong?

You have always remained faithful, but I have seen you with her on more than one occasion and my mind downloads negative thoughts into my heart and the jealousy rages within me like the ocean during a storm, tossing and turning the waves of confusion over and over in my mind. My heart is in turmoil, my mind confused and I stare at your back as you turn and head for the shower. The bedroom door slams shut behind you and I try to regain my composure, but the thought still nags my mind; why, why are you seeing her?

I wait for you to finish your shower, hoping that you will discuss things a little more freely when you're done, but the shock that envelopes my already aching heart as you walk out of our room with your bags packed is almost enough to finish me. My heart skips a beat and then pounds, terrified of the answer as the panicked question barely passes my lips in a whisper, "What are you doing?" I fear the worst. No! I know the worst is about to hit me smack bang in the middle of my already breaking heart. The pain that rages through the depths of my soul is agonizing.

What have I done?

You walk up to me, taking me into your arms. As I stand frozen to the ground, reality warps itself into clouded vision and tears spring to my eyes. "Why?" I ask; it's all I can bring myself to say.

"I love you Quatre, I always have, and I always will," you reply sincerely. "Although, I think right now we need to be apart from each other for a while." Your hand reaches out and touches my cheek. "I've always been faithful to you and I will always remain so, but I need you to believe that before we can go on together."

I feel your lips take mine with a powerful, yet gentle kiss, and your strong arms tighten around me holding me close into the contour of your body and I find the control is slowly leaving me, the tears that were backed up in my eyes now silently wind their way down my cheeks.

You're really leaving.

Your arms release me, but I try to hold onto your lips for a moment more as you pull away from me. I follow somewhat distraught, the tears cascading down my face as you walk to the entrance of our once happy home. I try to comprehend the consequences of my actions as you open the door and begin to walk out of my life. "No! Please!!" I plead with you as I grab for your hand and take it in mine, holding it almost as tightly as you held me just moments ago.

I don't know what possessed me to become so enraged with jealousy, but it's too late now and I may never again feel the warmth of your body against my own. I didn't mean to get so jealous, so suspicious, but every night for the past five weeks you've been coming home later and later, and every time another excuse slipped it's way past your lips, and I found myself beginning to doubt your intentions.

You pull away from me forcefully.

I don't understand.We shared everything, kept no secrets from each other, but this was too much. You refused to discuss it with me when I approached you about it, and you told me it was none of my business. Have I done something wrong, am I no longer good enough to be the lover and soul mate that you have cherished for so long?

I can't be blamed for all of this; I won't! You refusing to tell me the truth about your late night escapades with her are partly to blame. I trusted you, gave you my heart and soul and this is how things end? I can't believe it! It stings my heart like hell.

Don't do this...

You can't just leave me like this. You'll regret it... Alright, I'll regret it."Please Trowa!" I plead with you as you open the garden gate. "Just tell me the truth. That's all I ask!" You stop and glance back at me long enough to reply.

"There is nothing to tell Quatre, you've already made up your mind that I'm guilty as charged."

"But then why, why did you kiss her? I saw you kiss her! It was the day I picked you up, remember? Two days ago?"

You sigh and I can sense that you are as deeply hurt by this entire facade as I am. "It was on the cheek, and I was thanking her for picking up something for me, you only heard half the conversation."

Suddenly I don't know what to say, and I see that determined look in your eyes that says you are serious.

"Goodbye Quatre."

I run after you pleading and begging to let me straighten things out, begging you to come back to sit down and talk about it, but you pull away again and I stand defeated. I don't know what else I can do as the numbness races throughout my whole entire being as you disappear around the corner. My legs give way, buckling beneath me and I fall to my knees.

My heart has been torn from my chest and I wish I could die here and now, rather than face a lonely life with out you, but what's done is done. For every action there is a reaction, that saying has so much more meaning for me now. I have been a complete bastard, a blind fool and all I can do now is pray for that one little miracle to bring us back together.

I just hope that it's not too late.

Owari