Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Aishiteru Okaa-san ❯ Aishiteru Okaa-san ( One-Shot )

Title: Aishiteru Okaa-san 1/1
Author: Makiko Igami
Archive: ...
Category: Angst
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Child abuse, implied rape, death, Heero's POV
Spoilers: Episode Zero.
Notes:I still don't believe I wrote this... it made me sick. >_< But you know... there are things that won't go away until they are written... I'm still surprised that I didn't throw up yet. Though I feel sick. ;_;
You probably can't tell, but I was pretty pissed off over something as I wrote this. >_<
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Contrary to popular belief I knew my mother.

And I killed her. With my own hands.

I was twelve years old, just started my training at Dr. J after Odin Lowe died and I was barely able to hold a gun in one hand as I pulled the trigger.

My mother looked nice with that hole in her head, blood streaming out unstoppable, just like the fluids of her brain as she lay on the ground of this brothel I was raised at.

I still remember that day as if it was yesterday. The heavy and very expensive looking, cream-colored carpet was stained with blood of her dying body next to the king-sized, heart shaped and brocaded bed. The whole room reeked of her heavy sweet musky perfume, the smell burning into my memory as I stood there, gun firmly in my grip, face showing no emotion.

I looked at all the jewelry, the heavy golden necklaces, countless golden rings with multi-colored gems and long, squiggly earrings that fell down on the almost bare body of my mother clad in silk, twitching as it died.

She was a hooker, a whore and I hated her for how she sold me like some piece of meat when she got fed up with me. She never asked me anything at all, at even if I wanted something to eat or not. Or if I wanted to watch how she made money.

I guess it was a massive turn-on for her and the men she served with legs wide open, that a boy of two or three years and with tousled, shoulder-length dark brown hair watched them.

I know that my mother noticed the looks these men were giving me. She deliberately let my hair grew longer and painted my face with her make-up to make me look more girly. I didn't count the times when she hit me as I started to squirm and cry, because I didn't want to look like a girl.

Oh well, I didn't mind looking like a girl, girls and boys at that age look pretty much the same, I just didn't want to look like her.

She looked like the role-model Asian hooker. Dark eyes, dark hair, pale skin and she was never too ashamed to dress up as a Geisha. Later I learned that even these women who sold their bodies had much more dignity and pride than my mother.

After I was born she had to catch up on the loss of money that her pregnancy caused her. Not that it stopped her from having sex. I swear, I remember how something poked me in the eye even before I was born!

I recall as well that when I was very little, my mother didn't wear as much gold and gems as she did when I killed her. And her room wasn't as big as the one she died in. I bet she obtained all this wealth from the money she got when she sold me.

I turned around then when I heard people scream after they woke up from the gun-shot. Naked women stormed out of their rooms and cried out in shock and grief as they saw all the blood, but I felt nothing, not even relief or happiness that another person who deserved death died by my hands. I only walked out of the brothel, ignoring every thing that happened around me, fading out the noise, numbing my feelings, an almost natural talent of mine, until I was back at J's laboratory. Nobody dared to ask me one question and I'm pretty sure I would have killed them as well if they did.

I went to sleep like every night, but this time I dreamt, something that didn't happen quite often.

I dreamt of my mother, a dream I had since I remember dreaming. In this dream my mother loved me, she hugged me, she asked me how I felt and she smiled at me, openly, warmly, like she never did when I was awake. She even gave me sweets, starting with strawberries and other fruits, passing pop tarts, pancakes and then going over to jelly beans, chocolate and lollipops.

"Aishteru Okaa-san!" {1} I hear myself say and she smiles at me.

I loved lollipops, they were my favorites. Sweet and you had to eat them slowly, get the sugar all over your face while you stuck them in your mouth and swallowed your own sweet saliva.

In this dream I was happily sucking on my lollipop when my mother said that she got another lollipop for me. I smiled back at her like the little joyful child that I was and took her hand in delight while she led me through the meadow of my dream.

We passed a forest and got to another meadow on which lollipops grew and we kneeled down in front of a quite huge one. My eyes got big and round as I tried to pick it up but it didn't move the slightest bit.

"Kore wa nani?" {2} I asked and pointed to the lollipop. My mother said it was a lollipop and that she was sure I'd like it, I just had to lick on it. And this I did.

"Nigai!" {3} I made a face.

"Iie," {4} she said softly with a smile and guided my head back down, making me lick and suck on this lollipop.

I didn't want to, I choked as she pushed my head deeper and deeper, again and again, until tears streamed down my face and I bobbed my head up and down even though she wasn't guiding me. I wasn't even in a meadow of lollipops anymore, I was in her room, doing her work on a big fat bastard while she stood in a corner, counting her money. I gagged when something sticky and salty filled my mouth, and in shock I pulled away, but managed only to get this ghastly liquid sprayed all over my face. It mixed with my tears as I tried to wipe it away and this fat bastard was so brazen as to kiss me. I screamed, I hit him, I even buried my teeth in his fat, but do you think that had hurt him? No. He was made of fat. It took more than the deciduous teeth of a boy to get through all that fat. He wasn't affected by my struggles the slightest bit, he only chuckled and licked my face.

I hate it when my dreams turn into nightmares and show me my actual past. They don't even have the decency to wake me up at the most disgusting point, no, they have to get worse. This particular one kept showing me over and over again how my 2 year old self sucked the dicks of various men, old, young, fat, thin, handsome, ugly... all kinds of my men my mother served.

I guess it was my luck that she sold me completely one day when she wanted to have a special necklace.

Odin Lowe was more a parent to me than my mother could have ever been. The first thing he did was cut my hair and wipe the make-up away. To him I wasn't a pretty toy to play with, to him I was a stone of rock that was about to be formed into a soldier. He made me do stuff I didn't really want to do, but he was still kind to me. He showed me how to use guns and explosives and how to kill people with my own two bare hands.

Killing people was easier for me. It was faster and I didn't necessarily have to touch them. No matter how artful you could kill somebody when you touched him, I liked it better to point a gun between their eyes and pull the trigger. The following "Bam!" was too satisfying that I wanted to miss it. I don't like to hear people scream because usually I'm the one who screams.

But that's over now. I'm not anymore a boy, I am a man, I am a hero, I am no longer an abused child who kills for a living. I saved Earth and the colonies, people are banging on my door, wanting to be my friend, but the only I want to have is lying underneath me.

Today we changed positions. I'm still on top, but I didn't bury my cock into his maddening heat, no, I am impaled by him, straddling his waist.

"Oh God, Heero, you're so tight!"

His exclamation sends a cold chill down my spine. I've heard words like these before, although this is the first time I hear him saying them. He's my age, he's not twenty years older than I am. He's lean, not fat, just like me. He suffered just as I did, but still memories keep coming back.

My heart beats faster as my eyes go black in rage. Slowly I raise my hands and wrap them around his neck, glaring down with a wicked smile. This scene is much too familiar to me, my mother sold not only my mouth for her work, no, she let me do her work as well.

"Iie Okaa-san... ore o urumasen itsumo..." {5} I growl and tighten my grip on the flesh in my hands. Never again will I be used like a cheap piece of meat which only purpose it is to pleasure other people. I will never be like my mother, I will never forget myself and sell my soul just to get some affection. And I will never ever let anybody else use my body for their own pleasure.

It happened the first time when one of my mother's frequenters offered her ten times of the usual amount if he got me instead of her. I froze in place as I heard these words but said nothing. I knew it had no use to struggle, she would accept this offer even if it would kill me.

It wouldn't have been as worse if she didn't help that guy strip me of my clothes and practically placed me into his lap. I'm sure my scream could be heard on the other side of the universe as I was impaled on his rock-hard cock, ripping me apart, breaking my child-body into pieces. I know I started to cry and wail and scream more but my mother silenced me with her hand over my mouth. I bit down as hard as I could, but she didn't even wince, she just removed her hand and slapped me across the face and told me to be quiet, after all I was getting us money.

I glared at her but cried out again when I felt that man inside me move, ripping me apart even more. This time I was silenced by his strong and calloused hand.

"Don't be so noisy, little boy, you don't want me to hurt your mother, do you?" that bastard said and all I wanted to do was scream out, "Oh yes, I want you to kill her, so my torture is over!" but instead I just managed a glare, that didn't impress him very much. He continued to torture me until I felt a yet familiar sticky liquid coat my innards, as if he was trying to use it to glue me back together. My mother pulled me from his lap, put my broken form on the bed and held out her hand to the man to collect her reward. She didn't even notice how the tears dropped from my eyes as I started to weep silently.

The body underneath me starts to twitch and wiggle.

"Heero..."

In my rage I only manage to growl like a trapped lion. He tries to pry my hands away, gripping my wrists, but I've grown stronger, I'm not a little helpless child anymore.

"Stop it... Heero!"

"Urusei!" {6}

"Hee... Heero..." His voice fades out and I can feel his grip on my wrist weaken.

"TEME!" {7}

"Hee... I... I love you... Aishteru!"

I stare down at him in shock. All of a sudden he isn't a fat pedophile bastard anymore, but my lover. The only thing in my life that I cherished despite of everything that I've done.

I force my hands to loosen their grip but it is too late. He has gone limp underneath me, and his eyes are oddly empty, void of any trace of life they usually held.

"Ko... koi...?" I whisper, feeling my eyes heat up with tears after all these years. "Koi? Samete! Shinnai!! Iie!!!" {8}

I gather him up in my arms, our bodies still joined, and cry like I never cried before. I cry out the pain, the grief the regret, every feeling I bottled up in the past few years. But he won't wake up and it's my fault. Finally I found somebody to love me and now I killed him.

"Okaa-san... doushite? Doushite?!" {9}

I think I wept over an hour against his chest, refusing to leave his body as it started to become cold beneath mine and the tears didn't well up in my eyes anymore.

Now that I killed the only important thing in this universe to me, there was only one thing left to do for me.

I grabbed the gun underneath the pillow his head was still lying on and slowly raised it to my temple.

"Aishiteru... Sayonara." {10}

Funny, again I feel nothing as I pull the trigger, not even pain as the bullet rips my brains out and I fall limp on his cold body.

Owari
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{1} "I love you, mother!"
{2} "What is this?"
{3} "Bitter!"
{4} "No."
{5} "No mother... You won't sell me anymore..."
{6} "Quiet!"
{7} "BASTARD!"
{8} "Love? Wake up! Don't die!! No!!!"
{9} "Mother... why? Why?!"
{10} "I love you... Farewell."
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I hate me for writing this.