Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Alive ❯ Alive ( Chapter 1 )

My broken soul was trapped in the body of a boy who was far too young to know the essence of life. A boy without a child hood. A boy without love. I didn't understand the meaning of life, I thought I was born to complete my mission and when all the missions were finished-whether accomplished or failed-I would lay myself down to die. Until I met them, the other boys who reflected myself in a way that I'd never seen before. Before them I'd never felt alive.

Duo…I couldn't help the way I ran my tongue down his skin and tasted an ember hotter than hell. I couldn't help the way I griped my fingers in his hair as he sucked me off in bed. I couldn't help the way I entered him without allowing him to prepare. I couldn't help the way he bit his tongue and let me do as I please. He drove me crazy, and I'd have done anything to make him happy if I'd had it inside me, but that was all I could do. That was is all I could give him and myself at the time, and I know it was no where near good. But he made me feel so alive.

I rested my hands behind my head and watched the sky, stars shining down on this planet that I'd just discovered. I tried to remember it was the same sky I saw when I was back on L1, but somehow it didn't seem that way at all. It felt so new to me here on earth. I felt something change in my soul. I was a human returning to my original home. I was just an innocent child for that moment, staring up at the dark night sky. There was a movement inside of me, and I was alive.

Wufei…He landed the first punch on my face and my head twisted to the side. I reacted and threw my own punch to his jaw and kicked his hip. He fell sideways but didn't fall, instead of fighting back he just stood there watching me and I him, his sweat pants were low and sinking slowly, his bare chest rising and glistening, his hair was escaping the band that held it so tight. And he was beautiful. I couldn't resist the rough kiss the landed on my lips and the tongue that entered my mouth. Prying me apart and pouring all the pain and violence into me. I took it and let him take me, because the misery and anger and even the violence made us feel alive.

I gazed out up at the moon, with Duo next to me, so close I could feel his warmth. It was a different kind of moment than I'd ever had with him before. He was silent. Perfectly silent. I could barely hear him breathe. He told me he never wanted to leave this place even though he wanted to see L2 again. At first I thought he meant earth, but he could have meant that moment where we both were alive with the wind and chill sinking into our fresh-from-battle souls and skin. Lulling us from our adrenaline pumped hearts and our nightmarish minds.

Quatre…He kissed me beneath a setting sun that made his hair look magnificent and angelic. The kiss was a pushing, searching kind, so filled with a passion that I had never thought him to hold. It was as if he was trying to find the strength he thought I held and transfer some into his own aching heart. I looked at him after he pulled away from me. His bright eyes made me feel settled and no longer restless. I stilled as my heart beat with some sort of anticipation. His eyes were showing me life.

They were all dying. Flesh and bones being torn apart just like their mobile suits. I couldn't hold my laughter inside. It poured out like tears but it tasted evil rather than salty. I laughed and laughed because it was all I could do to keep myself from exploding. I laughed because if I didn't I'd scream. But killing those people made me see my own life and I felt so alive in battle that if felt as though I would never die. Never ever have to face hell.

Trowa…I've never considered him quiet in the sense that he never talks because he talks to me a lot, more that he has a calmness to him that makes me feel tranquilized when I am in his presence outside of battle. He saved my life back when we first met even though he didn't have the care back then, that he now possesses. Something made him bring me back to the circus with him, something more than maybe he deemed it important to his mission. I watched him all the time after I regained consciousness. I watched the way he moved and the way he looked at people and read them with his wild eyes. He has an elegant grace to him that even Wufei appreciates. I knew I wanted him then but didn't know how to show it.

The night it happened neither of us could sleep and finally he slid into my bed, asking me to tell him what went on in my mind and how he'd wanted to know ever since he lifted me up in his Gundam's palm and brought me back with him. I told him anything that I could squeeze out of my mouth until finally he thrust his lips against mine and told me he wished he could lie here with me forever. I took him with slow and restrained thrusts because that seemed to be the right thing to do. As I watched his face, glowing from the moonlight that was gliding in through the window, eyes closed and lips moving in silent pleasure I knew I was alive.

It's rare when all five of us can come together and have some peace. When we do the holes in my heart seem to be temporarily filled and I can lean back and feel the sun on my skin and hear the laughter of a distant memory that lives in a hidden place under my skin. I feel complete when they're beside me. When I hear them call my name and when I feel a kiss on my lips I know I made it through. Love. I know this is what it means to be alive.