Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ All Roads Lead To You ❯ Love At Last ( Chapter 4 )

I suppose i should have been more hysterical. I suppose i should have fired off a dozen incomprehensible questions and demanded answers to them that would have made the person closest to me shake me with real force to snap me out of my hysteria. But i did none of those. Perhaps it was out of the deep rooted control passed on to me by generations of royal blood and outstanding upbringing. Perhaps it was out of pride of not being seen as someone who could break so easily when faced with such situations. But nonetheless, when Duo Maxwell announced as soon as i opened my eyes that Heero Yuy was in a critical condition in a hospital, i showed no outward emotions. Only a simple blink that could have meant anything. Or nothing at all. Funny. So funny that i had mastered the art of pretending.

The tapping of our shoes resounded throughout the deathly quiet hallways of the pristine hospital. I wondered and wondered but refused to voice what was on my mind. I refused to give in to the screams my heart demanded to let out. We approached the private waiting area where the rest of the gundam pilots were already huddled in their silent solitudes. I entered and felt amongst them. An equal to the desolation they all marked as their personal territories. They showed no outward reactions. Only the gentle blonde Arabic whose smile wobbled slightly as he stood to greet me. I only nodded politely. There was a brittleness inside my throat that choked my words. I wondered if anyone noticed.

25 minutes later:

The white drabbed doctor pushed open the swinging door of the operating room and headed wearily to our silent waiting group. Noin, Zechs, Une, Hilde and Sally had arrived just a few minutes ago. It was only then that i heard the whole story. Only when Noin asked what had happened. My nerves were stretched to the point of breaking by then. But it was said that i had the tendency to be absolutely bullheaded. Quatre was the one to provide the information.

It was a simple robbery gone wrong. Disbeliefs were written all over features that were new to the information given. A robbery? A robbery had gotten Heero Yuy critically injured? My brother was the first to voice his incredibility.

"A robbery? But he's survived a whole damn war. He's gone against mobile suits without other soldiers to protect his back and now you're saying that because of some fool who decided to make easy money by robbing a store got him?"

"Everyone's entitled to their own weakness," Wulfei muttered in a low tone. His eyes took on a mocking glint. "Heero's no different than everybody else."

"Sure he is. The guy is damn invincible," Hilde replied. "there is no weakness in him."

I felt Duo's eyes on me and swallowed the denial that worked its way up my throat. My eyes met his and for a few brief seconds, a war of silent words issued between us. His tried to force me to believe. And in return, i tried to force him to stop believing. Neither of us knew who won. The doctor had chosen then to break the tension.

He stood before me perhaps because he assumed i was the one to be informed.

"Miss Dorlian," he held his hand out to shake mine and i politely obliged. "I am Dr. Jonathan McCaine. Let's get to the point shall we? Mr. Yuy was shot three times. One bullet went through his shoulder blade. One went through his right thigh. And the last one, which almost caused him his life was the one that got lodged at his left side where it damaged some vital parts and caused him to lose a lot of his blood. We did everything possible and was able to dig the bullet out without causing more harm. However, the blood the he lost will take some time to be replaced although we have already found matching blood types. It does depend on how well his body accepts it that will be the deciding factor. He is concious but very weak. The boy has some amazing fighting power. We've never seen anything like it. He is being placed in his own private bed right now and although i do not suggest it, i suppose you all can go see him now as long as you don't overwhelm him. He's not out of the woods yet."

Long sighs of relieves were released but i held on to mine. I nodded to the doctor and and followed as everyone headed for Heero's private room. The doctor's next words halted my progress in mid-stride.

"That young man almost gave in a few times and was very close to giving up the fight," he smiled admiringly. "but it seems that he had something very important to hold on to Ms. Dorlian. Something that made him think twice about leaving it behind."

I fought the urge to deny myself. To deny the words. To deny the fire that lit with the first flames of reviving hope. I have been devastated by that hope more than once. I refused to be broken a final time. And so i denied myself the chance to believe.

"Thank you for your service Dr. McCaine," my voice i knew was dripping with ice but it was not to be helped. "we're grateful for it."

I turned away and continued down the hall to Heero's room.

My first glimpse of him made my throat ache to shed the tears that almost blinded me to anything else but him. I wondered that if i ran to him and hugged him to me without the intention of ever letting go, would i actually kill him? But god, at that very moment, i couldn't have been more sure of just how much i would have been willing to give him. The world if he asked it. My whole lifetime. He could have asked me to wait for him forever and i would have gladly said yes. Without him, i could have watched the world be swallowed by flames and i would cheer for the end. There would be no Relena Dorlian without Heero Yuy. I understood that it was always meant to be. Long before i even knew who he was.

My steps were reluctant and careful, as if afraid the floor would open up and i would fall into open space. His eyes were tired but open, locked intensely with mine. A blanket was draped over his form. I touched the edge of it as i reached his bed. I ached so badly for him to hold me. To reassure me that he was warm and alive although i knew he could barely move himself. But instead of giving me what my eyes begged for, he turned away and looked out the window.

It hurt beyond belief. Hurt to the point of physical pain. I turned and walked out the door without meeting the sympathetic eyes. I wanted to be swallowed whole by the fire. To be engulfed in flames and disappear forever. To become lifeless ashes blown away by the wind and carried off to nothingness. I wondered why i was so hard to love.

The day after:

I came back the next day with the constant armor of numbness . My only companion besides Duo who sat beside me in comforting silence. He had always been there for me. Through all the days and nights of either rare laughters or unexplained weepings. He had sat beside me in silence and his presence alone reassured me that i was never really isolated in my happiness or sorrow. A small smile of bitter sadness pulled at the corner of my mouth unexpectedly. He was such a fool to love me. And i was such a fool not to love him. But some things were never meant to be.

A figure clad in a police uniform approached us, holding a small box.

"Ms. Dorlian," the uniform handed me the box. "these are some things that belongs to Mr. Yuy collected from the jewelry store where the robbery took place. We took it for safekeeping. I'm just here to return it ma'am and to wish Mr. Yuy a good recovery. He was quite the hero."

The uniform saluted and walked away just as abruptly as he had arrived. I was brimming with questions. I turned to Duo and saw the same curiosity in his eyes.

"A jewelry store? What the hell was he doing in a jewelry store?" He voiced the question i wanted to ask. "I thought it was some other store. Like a store that sells weapons."

Curiosity got the best of me as i opened the box and rifled through the contents. His wallet. His keys. His gun. His jacket. His...small velvet jewelry box? Trembling fingers opened the lid my eyes widened with shock.

The door slammed against the wall as i slammed open with unrestrained force. He looked so damn peaceful and innocent in his sleep. I stood above him and glared down. I opened my mouth and let my emotions carry out the words with none of its gentleness.

"Heero Yuy! Wake the hell up so you can answer my damn questions!"

Reluctantly, prussian eyes blinked themselves open and stared in bewilderment at my angry features. "Relena..."

I shoved the velvet box in front of his face and demanded, "What the hell is this? What the hell were you doing in a jewelry store? And most of all, who the hell is it for?"

I wondered if he was more shocked by my unexpected possession of the ring, my tone of voice, or the fact that it was the first time he had ever heard me swear. But i needed answers and i needed it bad.

"What makes you think that belongs to me?"

He asked the question with such a straight face that i faltered a little. Had i assumed wrong? Maybe the officer had made a mistake and it didn't belong to Heero. After all, what would Heero be doing with it? But...

"Then what were you doing in a jewelry store?"

He sat up determinedly and grimaced in pain. I hurried to his side and aided him. It felt so good to be near him. To touch him and know that he was still warm and alive. Even if he wasn't mine.

He glowered at me before answering gruffly, "It's none of your business where i go and what i do."

He was so damn good at hurting me. I flinched and backed away as if he was a coiled snake ready to strike when cornered. I glanced down and accidentally noticed that his hand was trembling. I thought he was in pain.

"Heero, are you alright? Should i call the nurse?"

"No. I'm fine."

He looked tired and in pain. He didn't need me drilling him with questions i certainly had no right to ask him. What was i to him anyway? A former lover he had no intention of keeping around forever. A girl who had been determined to be something to him when it was never meant to be. It was time to leave him alone. Time to finally let go. I closed my eyes and forced myself not to look at him. It was better not to have a certain memory of my last glimpse of him. I took three steps away from him before he broke his silence.

"Relena..."

I dared not face him. I kept my eyes on the open doorway. "Yes?"

"Are you going to walk out right now without any intention of coming back?"

He always did get to the point with no hesitation.

"Yes."

God, how my heart trembled with the pain of setting him free.

"Relena..."

Why couldn't he make at least this part easy?

"What do you want Heero?"

I felt just as tired and as bruised as he looked like he felt. And because i had no strength left, i refused to turn around.

Long silence. And then...

"I wanted something to symbolize what you are to me. What you represent in my life. I wanted something to match your beauty but it was the closest i could get to it."

I turned to face him, my eyes raw with emotions and my stomach tied in impossible knots. As if in a trance, i walked back to his side and let my eyes voiced my demands for answers. I didn't trust my voice to let out a sound.

"I must have imagined a thousand scenarios in which to tell you best. In all of them, the scene involved me feeling awkward and foolish." He reached for my hand and stroked my palm with his thumb. It gave me strange comfort. I wondered if he was aware of it. "But then i also pictured you a thousand times walking away from me because i couldn't and wouldn't say what i wanted to say."

He reached out and took the box from me. His eyes had turned into a blue so deep it bordered on black. Deep as the sea at night when brimming with restrained emotions. He held the mouth of the velvet box opened for me to see the ring lying in splendour beauty inside its cushioned interior. It was so beautiful in its intricate simplicity. A silver band with a single, diamond studded wing etched delicately in the middle. It took my breath away for the second time.

"I caused you so much pain i know. And perhaps you'll never forgive me for them. But you see... i feared what it would reveal if i didn't have that protection against you. If i didn't push you away, then you'd be able to read me. To know my weaknesses. I'm not used to that. It can be use against me as a weapon. But i realised that you're not an enemy. I'm not perfect Relena. And i'm not normal like the other guys i'm sure your brother would love for you to end up with. I get restless and i would probably always demand some time alone. I'm over-protective and posessive as hell. To the point of violence." He hesitated and gripped my hand tighter as if lending strength and asking for understanding. "And at times, you may wake up alone."

I nodded as he begged for forgiveness. Then he took the ring from its box and held it out to me.

"The wing signifies what you are to me. When i'm restless and i need to be alone, one wing will carry me away from you," he then stroked the lone wing etched on the ring. "but the other, the one that you gave me, that wing will always guide me back to you. That means that no matter how many times you wake up alone Relena, know that the gift you've given me will always let me find my way home."

I didn't know just when the tears had started falling but i felt it make its way down my cheeks to drop like falling rain on the surface of the ring held between us.

"Relena...i love you."

I could have sworn he trembled when the words stumbled out of his beautiful mouth. Or maybe it was me. I held out my left hand and watched as he slipped the ring on my finger. Perfect fit. I felt complete. As if the ring and i had been waiting to find eachother for centuries. The symbol of faith. Of destiny. The symbol that Heero will always come home to me because my wing, like my heart, would carry him back always.

I leaned down and kissed him tenderly. "What the hell took you so long Yuy? I almost gave up on you."

He laughed. My god, for the first time in my whole life, i heard the man i loved laugh without restraint. And i laughed.

"I love you, too by the way." I was finally able to voice it. I felt so free.

He pulled me down to lie beside him and i carefully slipped my arms around his waist.

"I demand a big family Heero Yuy," i almost laughed outloud as his body stiffened with alarm. "it's compensation for all the idiotic things you put me through."

"How big are we talking Relena?" I gloried in the fear i invoked from such a deadly former gundam pilot.

"Hmmm...i'm talking about maybe a dozen or so..."

I laughed outloud as he groaned in what he predicted was his demise. I was meant to love this man forever. I knew it because no matter how hard and how many times i tried to let him go, my wing always brought him back to me.

Behind closed door:

It was the darnest experience, i laughed outloud while a solitary tear made its way down my cheek. I felt it. I leaned against the wall beside the door i had silently closed and tentatively smiled. I had planned on devoting my whole life to her without demanding love but only hoping for it. I would have been more than happy to spend the rest of my life living it that way. As long as i could be wherever she was. A few days ago, with all the countless crimes Heero had committed against Relena, i would have gallantly fought for my right to be with her. I would have given and taken lives for that right. But now i knew better.

Some things were simply meant to be and some were never meant to be. I had planned out my whole life. I had set course to my own destiny with a determination i was born with. But that was my sacrifice. I could have fought Heero for it. Perhaps, i could have even won the battle. But none of it mattered knowing she never would have been trully happy with the second rate. Heero was the first. And Heero would be the last. I heard it in her laugh. So there was nothing for me to do but walk away. There was nothing for me to do but accept her happiness in the arms of another and make it my own. It didn't matter that my heart broke even before i took the first step away from that door. It was all for love. A broken heart was nothing. I would have gladly laid down my life for her. I smiled at my gallantry and praised myself. Then i started the long walk away from love and towards the now uncertain future. Then there was a voice behind me.

"Impossible love is such a pain in the ass isn't it?"

I smiled at the dark-haired girl and waited for her to catch up to me before throwing an arm around her shoulders.

"And what would you know of love Hilde?"

She smiled and i frowned. When did she grow up to be such a beautiful woman?

"Just as much as you, Duo Maxwell. Just as much as you."

There was something about her that made it easier and so i allowed her to take my hand and walked out of the building. Maybe the future wouldn't be so bad after all.

~THE END~