Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Am I Gay? ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own the G boy's I just borrow them from time to time to play with and return them a whole lot happier.

Rating: NC 17

Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, fluff, sap, angst, AU, PWP, OOC

Pairings: 2x1

Archive: http://gundam-wing-diaries.150m.com

http://sweetlysour.net.

http://adultfanfiction.net

http://www.theforsakenwk.com

Summary: Heero and Duo share a house, Heero has his suspicions that Duo is gay and despite Duo never having shown an interest in him in *that* way, he begins to question his own sexuality. Summoning up his courage, he asks Duo to help him out.

/ Indicates thoughts /

Status: Complete

Author: ShenLong

"Am I Gay?"

October 2003 ShenLong

Chapter 1

Heero's brow furrowed as his eyes scanned the page on the laptop. Really, the things people did these days. Idly his mind wondered just how much truth there was to this... phenomena?

He jumped at the sound of the front door closing and quickly minimized the screen, a blush creeping to his cheeks.

Duo dropped his bag to the floor and kicked it under the small table, tossing his keys to the top of said table before removing his jacket and hanging it up. "Heero? You home?"

"In here, Duo."

Duo removed his boots and padded through the lounge room and down the hall, stopping at the door to what they had dubbed *the office*, he leaned against the door jamb.

"How was work?" Heero asked as he turned on the swivel chair to face his house-mate.

"Not bad. How was your day?" Duo pushed off the door frame, entered the office and dropped into a chair.

"Pretty boring."

Duo let a puff of air escape, blowing his ragged bangs from his eyes. "You gonna cook?"

"Hai."

"I'll take my shower then." Duo stood and left the room.

Heero's eyes followed the form of his best friend and he felt a strange stirring. With a sigh, and making a mental note to talk to Duo later, he got up and went to start making their dinner.

~ * ~

They sat together on the couch watching an old movie. Well at least Duo was watching the movie, Heero was trying to think of how best to broach the subject he'd been chewing over for the past few days, a subject he needed answers for. The more he thought the more confused he became. He'd shared the house with Duo for the past two years and while Duo frequently went out clubbing, Heero could never once recall the braided one bringing home a girl or even talking about a female.

Come to think about it on the few occasions that Heero had accompanied Duo to these clubs, Duo hadn't so much as made a move on anyone. Not that Duo hadn't had the chance. Whenever Duo went clubbing the girls all swarmed around him, vying for his attentions and nearly killing each other in the process. Yet Duo would treat them all the same, the charming smile would stay in place as he chatted easily with them, dancing the night away but somehow keeping them at a distance, never letting them get any closer. When Heero thought deeper he couldn't remember Duo ever touching one of the many girls that flocked to his side, let alone kiss one.

This puzzled Heero no end. After reading what he had whilst surfing the net, Heero was even more confused. He'd never really been attracted to females himself. He put this down to not having met the right one yet, but the information he'd subjected himself to, was making him doubt himself and his theories. He switched his gaze back to his house-mate. and found himself staring. Duo was sitting with his feet curled up underneath him, hair unbound, cascading around him in a silken wave. Heero felt an unfamiliar flush steal over his body.

"Heero?.... Heero?... Earth to Heero...."

Heero jerked, aware that Duo was staring at him, waving a hand in front of his face and calling his name. Shit! Just how long had he been spaced out? "Hn. Sorry Duo."

"That's okay, man." Duo's face looked a little puzzled. "You okay, buddy?"

"Hai." Heero snapped the answer out hurriedly, too hurriedly he realized, as he noted Duo cringe.

"Sorry Duo, I didn't mean to snap."

"That's okay, Heero." Duo gave him a quizzical look; one that Heero knew meant trouble. Trouble for him. "You sure you're okay?"

Heero swallowed. This was the opening he'd been waiting for, but now that it was here he couldn't bring himself to speak of it. "Hai, I'm fine. I'll go make us a coffee."

Duo watched perplexed, as Heero left the room. Something was bothering his Japanese friend and Duo intended to find out just what it was. He frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. Well whatever it was, it had Heero pretty spooked. His mental trip was brought to a halt as Heero returned with the promised coffee.

Heero offered one of the mugs to Duo before settling himself on the couch once more. He took a sip of the hot liquid and tried to focus on the show currently playing on the small screen.

Duo took the offered coffee and cradled the mug in his hands. He made an attempt to continue watching the television whilst darting glances from the corner of his eye at his house-mate. Finally he couldn't bear the tension anymore. He took another mouthful of coffee for courage and clearing his throat he turned to address his friend. "Heero?"

Heero nearly jumped out of his skin, so lost in his thoughts he'd forgotten Duo was sitting there. "Hai?" He replied, carefully looking at his house-mate.

"Is there something bothering you? I mean you seem very distracted."

Heero couldn't bring himself to speak, scared of what might come out.

"We've been buddies for ages now... " Duo pressed on, determined to get to the bottom of this. "..…Yanno you can talk to me about anything and if it's in my power to help you, I will."

Heero swallowed hard.

"C'mon Heero," Duo wheedled. "Whatever it is, surely you can tell me? I might be able to help."

"Are you gay?" Heero blurted out and then cursed himself as the flush of heat swarmed up his neck to cover his entire face. He dropped his head and hid behind his bangs waiting for Duo to hit him with a volley of verbal abuse;, if not physical. When none came after about a minute he peeked out at his house-mate. Duo sat there with a poleaxed expression, for a moment there Heero wondered if he'd given his friend a heart attack! Then he saw one eye twitch and breathed a sigh of relief. At least one of them wasn't dead... Yet.

"Are you gay?" The words hit Duo like a freight train. Of all the things he'd thought may have been on Heero's mind *that* was not one of them. Not even close! The simple question left him stunned, for once unable to locate his verbal skills. Well that had to be a first; Duo Maxwell lost for words! As the question settled in and the shock receded for a moment, Duo wondered just where the hell that question had come from.

/ Shit! Shit! Shit! How to answer? / Duo glanced briefly at Heero, noting the flush that colored the skin. Well, he had told Heero that he could talk to him about anything, now hadn't he? Taking a deep breath and swallowing nervously he licked his lips and stared intently at the mug of cooling coffee held tightly in slightly trembling hands. "Why do you ask?" Not the best of replies he knew, but hell, he was floundering here!

Heero raised his head at the softly spoken question. It took him by surprise. He hadn't expected Duo to answer him with a question of his own. Gathering his scattered thoughts, he tried to come up with an answer. Deciding that honesty was probably the best policy in this case, he took a deep breath before speaking. "I was just curious. I mean I've never heard you talk about women much, well, not in the way most guys do."

Duo cocked an eyebrow.

Heero continued. "You know... talking about their latest conquest?"

"Ahhh."

"And then when you go clubbing all the girls flock around you and while you flirt with them you never seem to take an interest in anyone in particular, and I've yet to see you let one close to you..." Heero paused.

"You can enjoy female company without bedding every one, yanno Heero." Duo was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable.

"I was surfing around the net...."

/ Here it comes, / thought Duo.

"...There are some very interesting sites out there..."

Duo sighed. He couldn't lie to Heero but he had a strange feeling that their relationship wasn't going to be the same again. He looked Heero in the eye and opened his mouth. "In answer to your question, Heero..…" A nervous lick of the lips. "Yes. I am gay."

Heero's little monologue was abruptly halted as Duo's reply sank home. All his carefully thought out words, the things he'd discovered went out of the proverbial window. All he could do was sit there, mute, with a stupid look on his face.

Duo began to feel even more uncomfortable. He had expected a reaction from Heero to his confession but not the silence he was getting right now. "Does that make you uncomfortable, Heero?"

Scrambling to get his vocal chords to cooperate, Heero found that he went from mute to babbling in 1.2 seconds. "Yes... No... I mean... Oh shit, I don't know what I mean." Yes, it made him uncomfortable, but not in the way most people would think. It actually made his groin uncomfortable, his pants suddenly shrinking a couple of sizes. No, he wasn't shocked or disgusted.

Duo bit his lip trying to understand what Heero was trying to say. "I'm sorry if my sexual preference disturbs you, Heero." He should have known better than to have admitted his orientation to his friend. He'd always been discreet about his relationships, knowing only too well the price one paid with the disgust, taunts and physical threats from people who simply didn't understand.

Heero raised his eyes to meet his house-mate's and read the look of wariness, fear and a need for understanding. Tentatively he reached out a hand and placed it on top of Duo's. "I apologize for my reactions, I didn't intend to upset you."

Duo gave him a small smile, the soft touch of the hand over his warming him a little.

Heero continued. "It doesn't disgust me at all and I'm not uncomfortable with it either."

"So I guess that means you're not going to throw me out on the street then?" Duo tried to lighten the mood.

Heero looked shocked. "NO! Duo I would never do that!"

Duo gave a light laugh. "It's okay Heero, I was only joking."

Heero gave a small sigh of relief.

An awkward silence settled between them, the television continued to drone on in the background. Duo's eyes flicked back to it on the pretense of watching the show while in reality his mind was wondering just what the hell had happened to make Heero ask him such a question.

Heero found his nearly empty coffee mug extremely interesting as he tried to process this new information. His curiosity soon got the better of him though and seeing as how Duo had answered his question honestly and add to that the fact that Duo had said he could talk to him about anything, he thought he might as well burn all his bridges. Nervously he looked at Duo. "Umm Duo. How did you know you were... that you... well..."

"That I'm gay? That I prefer men to women?"

"Uh, yeah." Heero was really embarrassed now. He couldn't believe he was asking these questions. With a quick glance at Duo he quickly added, "I understand if you don't want to answer."

Duo gazed into his own now empty mug. Well, Heero had said he wasn't disgusted or going to throw him out so he might as well answer the man's questions. "I'm not really sure, Heero. I guess when I was back in high school. All the other guys were going out with the chicks, fooling around and getting laid and all. I went out with a few but I wasn't interested in doing anything more than talking with them and enjoying their company. The sex side of it didn't do anything for me. Don't get me wrong, I bedded quite a few of them but I always felt as if something was missing. In the locker rooms the guys used to drool over the girlie magazines and talk about what they had been up to, who was putting out and their latest lay, but it never did anything for me. One day they were going through some of the magazines and there was this one, I dunno how it got into the pile in the locker room, maybe one of the girls put it in there as a joke, but one of the guys picked it up, thinking it was a girlie one and began to flick through it but all the pictures in there, were of men. No, not naked but most had their shirts off and were only clad in swim trunks or partially open shorts, that type of thing but all were in seductive poses." Duo paused for a moment to catch his breath.

"The guys all started joking and jeering, making sick comments about queers and things and I joined in. But..." Duo swallowed, "But in reality, I found those pictures to be a turn on. I began to react to them and I was confused." Duo continued to stare into his mug as he remembered those awkward years.

"So how did you... I mean, did you go with a guy or something?" Heero, having thrown all caution to the winds, was eager to know.

Duo took a quick peek through his bangs and blushed a little. A smile graced his lips as memories once more assailed him. "Yeah, I found out where the gay bars and clubs were and hung out there a few times." Duo's eyes misted over. "That's where I met Mark."

Heero watched Duo's face carefully, noting how his house-mate drifted. "What's it like?"

Duo came back to earth with a jolt. He raised his head and stared at Heero. "Before I answer that Heero, I have a question for you."

Heero nodded.

"Why the sudden interest in my sexual orientation?"

Heero swallowed and licked his dry lips. Seeing as how he was asking Duo all these personal questions and expecting him to give him honest answers, the least he could do was to tell the truth. "I was doing some surfing on the net and found a few sites like I said before,"

"And?"

Heero continued fidgeting with his hands. "These sites, some were gay sites, others were sites that have gay stories on them..."

"You've been reading gay porn haven't you?" Duo teased.

Heero blushed. "Yeah."

"Let me guess. You've been reading gay porn and then going to gay web sites to see if what people have written is true?" Duo grinned.

"Hai." Heero looked up at his friend, the flush spreading further along his face. "I ... I ... I wondered..." Heero tripped over the words. "They all say that your prostate is very sensitive and responsible for ultimate pleasure."

Duo's smile widened. "Don't tell me you were getting all hot and bothered reading that stuff?"

Heero's blush deepened and he suddenly found the carpet very interesting.

"You were, weren't you Heero?" Suddenly it dawned on Duo, Heero was unsure of his own sexual preference and here he was mocking the man in the same manner that he despised himself. He reached over and took Heero's hand. "I'm sorry Heero, I shouldn't tease you like that."

Heero looked up into his friend's amethyst eyes and read the sincerity there.

"Let me tell you this much Heero, a lot of those stories are just that; stories. A lot of what they say is true and physically possible but there is also a lot that isn't. Oh, and yes, the prostate is a gay man's best friend."

Still holding Duo's gaze Heero smiled then ducked his head and asked, "Show me?"

Duo froze. Had he heard those softly spoken words correctly? "Excuse me?"

Heero continued to lock eyes and feeling a little bolder, repeated the question. "Show me?"

It took Duo several moments to regain his composure, not to mention his wits. "I don't understand." Duo wasn't sure exactly what it was that Heero wanted from him.

Having come this far Heero wasn't about to back off now. He looked deep into Duo's eyes and willed his voice to work. "I,… I've been with a couple of girls, and while the experience was, enjoyable, I can't help but feel there is something..." Heero shrugged his shoulders, unable to find the words he needed to express himself.

"It might just mean that you haven't met the right girl yet Heero," Duo offered gently.

Heero shook his head. "No. It's not that," he replied and then frowned. "I find the thought of two men together.. Well, a turn on."

"That doesn't necessarily mean that you're gay, Heero."

Heero fixed Duo with an intense stare. "Why then do I find that whenever I'm out anywhere instead of ogling the girls I see, I find myself checking out the guy they're with?"

Duo didn't have an answer for that one. He ran a hand through his bangs and sighed. "What exactly is it you want me to show you, Heero?" Duo figured that he might as well play along for the moment.

Heero flushed again but pressed on. "I want you to show me it all, I need to know if I'm gay or not."

Duo's eyes widened. "You know what you're asking, Heero?"

Heero shook his head. "Iie, I don't." He lowered his eyes and dropped his voice to a whisper. "But I trust you not to hurt me and to show me what it is like between two men. Maybe then I will understand." Heero raised his eyes again and reached a hand to cup Duo's cheek. "Please?"

Duo melted. He leaned into the soft warmth pressed against his cheek. He felt honored that Heero had this much trust in him and he wasn't about to betray that trust. He could clearly see the vulnerability in Heero's eyes, read the uncertainty in his body language and detect a touch of fear in the slight tremble of the hand. He found he cared for Heero more that he should have for a friend. The guy was certainly easy on the eyes, not to mention the sensual body to go with it. Duo wasn't in a relationship at the moment, his last one having ended rather abruptly. Duo was fussy when it came to his sex life, he wanted more from a relationship that just a quick roll between the sheets. He wanted warmth, honesty, understanding and most of all love. He found himself questioning his motives here. Sure he and Heero got along well, they were the best of friends and in the dark recesses of his mind a little voice was telling him that what he shared with Heero was what he wanted in a relationship; with the sexual side as an added bonus.

His eyes focused on Heero again and he felt a strange constriction in his chest. Maybe, just maybe... He shoved the thought back from whence it came. No. Heero just wanted him to show him what it was like, help him to figure out his own orientation and as his friend he would do that for Heero. It was better he learnt from Duo, someone whom Heero could trust than go out on the streets to find out and end up being hurt. Plus Duo would get to enjoy it and finally see all of that gorgeous body he had only been teased with small glimpses of in the past. Duo brought his own hand up and laid it over Heero's, still keeping them both resting against his cheek. "Okay Heero, you win."

Heero visibly relaxed. He'd silently observed his house-mate's inner battle, hoping and praying that Duo would grant him this favor. Truth be told, Heero held a jealously guarded secret. He was secretly infatuated with the long haired man and ached to find out if the knowledge he had gleaned could be as good as it claimed to be but he was only interested in Duo being the one to show him. Those four softly spoken words sent his heart hammering in his chest and the thrill of anticipation singing through his veins. "Arigato."

Duo placed a gentle kiss to the inside of Heero's wrist before pulling their hands away from his cheek. Taking Heero's mug he set it down on the coffee table and then took his hand again, holding it gently in his own and rubbing his thumb over the back. Their eyes locked and Duo began to speak. "Before we do anything Heero, I need to be sure that this is what you want."

Heero nodded. "I want this more than anything, Duo."

"Okay, we need to establish some ground rules first."

"Ground rules?"

"Yes Heero, ground rules." Duo paused for a moment to work his thoughts into some sort of order. "I take it you want to go all the way?"

Heero nodded again.

"Right. Firstly, if at any time you want to stop, you say so and we stop, no questions asked."

Heero smiled.

"Secondly, if we do anything that you're uncomfortable with, anything at all you let me know, okay?"

"Hai."

"Lastly, promise me you won't deck me afterwards."

"Huh?" Heero's eyes widened as he stared into laughing violet. "Why would I want..."

"I'm only joking Heero," Duo smiled at the look of confusion on Heero's face. "Seriously though, you need to tell me what is going on with you, let me know if I hurt you or you're not enjoying what we're doing." Duo could feel his own blush rising as he spoke.

"I promise that I'll let you know."

"Good." The mischievous look was back. "So tell me Heero, do you want to be the Uke or the Seme?"

"Nani?"

"You know, do you want to pitch or receive?"

"I..…I don't understand."

Duo held the snicker at bay. "Top or bottom?"

Now Heero was thoroughly confused. His brow wrinkled as he tried to figure out Duo's question.

Duo ran his hand through his hair. "Uke or Seme, top or bottom. It means do you prefer to take or be taken. Uke means being the bottom, so you are the one being fuck..… being made love to. Seme or top, is the one doing the making."

"Aaa." Heero was sure he had just achieved a new standard in the color red. "Which do you prefer?"

Duo grinned. "I like it both ways, Heero. Having someone take me, shove their cock deep inside and nail me to the mattress is great, but then again having myself buried to the hilt, having that warm, wet, tight heat surrounding me is just as wonderful."

Heero thought about it for a moment. "I think I'd like you to take me Duo," he replied.

Their eyes locked and the distance closed. Duo's face leaned slowly towards Heero's until their breath began to mingle.

Heero felt a shiver of anticipation run the length of his spine and then Duo's lips were upon his. Mouths met in a soft union, Duo's tongue ghosted over Heero's lips, which parted eagerly. The tongue quested forth, running lightly over teeth and gums before probing further and meeting its counterpart. Shyly they touched, Duo's tongue coaxing Heero's to join in a tender dance, entwining together, stroking sensuously before oxygen became a vital need. They separated reluctantly, Duo only pulling back far enough to allow air to filter between them. He noticed the swirl of emotion in Heero's eyes and smiled inwardly.

"Never been kissed before?" Duo asked, his tone light but thick with amusement.

"Not like that," Heero replied. "That was, different, deep..." Heero struggled to find the words.

Duo chuckled. "Don't think Heero, just enjoy." He sealed their mouths again, once more delving into Heero's warmth and mapping out the undiscovered territory.

When they parted again, Heero was flushed and panting lightly. "I never knew a kiss could be so... so sensual."

Duo began to place feather kisses along Heero's jaw, working his way towards Heero's ear lobe. He gently nibbled and sucked on the appendage while his arms worked their way around Heero's shoulders, pulling the Japanese man closer.

Heero moaned softly as his body was consumed with new feeling. He found his arms encircling Duo's waist, how they had gotten their he didn't know and nor did he care. His sole focus was on Duo's lips and what they were doing to him. He tilted his head slightly to expose more of his throat as Duo's mouth began to travel again.

Duo gently kissed and nipped his way around Heero's neck, seeking out sensitive spots and toying with them, his purpose being to drive Heero mad with sensation. Duo knew his mouth and lips were talented and he intended to give freely of his skills to Heero's pleasure. He was also determined to savor and enjoy every moment himself. If Heero decided afterwards that he wasn't gay then at least Duo would have this one night of passion to keep him company during the lonely times that would certainly ensue. If Heero decided that he was gay then with any luck, his skills would be in demand and he'd have more than memories to keep him warm. Kissing back down Heero's neck he smiled when Heero groaned and trembled as he suckled on a particularly sensitive spot just below his ear. Never one to pass up an opportunity he ruthlessly plundered the area, ultimately drawing forth more moans and shivers from his willing partner.

Heero's eyes closed as he savored the feeling of Duo's touches, his skin was on fire and he was only too happy for the flames to consume him. His hands began to massage Duo's back through the fabric of the shirt, sending trembles through Duo and anchoring himself.

Duo felt his groin flare as Heero's hands massaged his back; those strong yet gentle strokes sending pleasure skittering across nerves. He brought his lips back to Heero's and kissed his partner deeply. While Heero was distracted with the kiss, he dropped one hand down to Heero's hips and slipped it underneath the T-shirt. Continuing with the kiss his hand slid over smooth skin, trailing lightly along Heero's ribs and moving across his ab's before traveling north again to locate a nipple and tweaking gently.

Heero gasped as the new sensation hit him. His pleasure filled groan was swallowed by Duo as his body reacted to the stimulus.

Duo continued to play with Heero's nipple, enjoying the soft moans Heero was making, knowing that he was the one causing them inflamed his desire further. His lips and tongue continued in their teasing of the sweet mouth so eagerly offered to him as he tried to give Heero as much pleasure as possible. His hand began to wander back down again, hitching at the hem of the T-shirt and tugging it upwards.

Heero caught on that Duo wanted his shirt off. Reluctantly he broke the kiss and removed his arms from Duo's waist. He leaned back a little and raised his eyes to meet Duo's as he caught the hem and shyly drew the shirt up and over his head. Tossing the shirt to one side he stared at Duo again, a pink tinge finding its way to his face as his upper body was appraised.

Duo's breath hitched as Heero's chest was revealed. He barely caught the moan as his vision swept over the well toned torso. "Beautiful," he whispered and reached for Heero's lips. Duo had seen Heero shirtless before on several occasions but had discreetly avoided staring at him. Now that the expanse was openly offered he intended to explore every inch of it, and then some. His nimble fingers found their way back to the caramel nipples and began to tease again.

Heero groaned, he'd never experienced his body being touched in such a manner. The few occasions that he'd been with girls usually meant that he was the one doing most of the arousing. Sure they had touched him but never on his chest and never like Duo was doing. He had no idea that the gentle torment to his nipples could feel so good. He felt his groin swell as sensation flowed through him, enjoying every caress. When Duo broke the kiss and began to nip his way down his throat to his chest, he shivered. When that mouth latched onto a nub and began to suckle, he screamed. "Aaaaa...."

Duo grinned to himself,; Heero was so sensitive to his touch. He delighted in teasing the small nubs, seeing just how many different sounds he could get Heero to make. He switched from one to the other as Heero arched into his ministrations.

Heero's hands found their way into Duo's hair, his fingers threading through and gripping lightly as he tried to stay afloat in the sea of sensation. He groaned as Duo's teeth nipped him, his eyes closed and his mouth opened, panting with pleasure.

Duo began to brush his hand over Heero's leg, gently running from his knee upwards, each stroke drawing him closer to Heero's hip. He felt the trembles of Heero's body as he continued his oral assault to Heero's chest. He switched and brought his hand to the inner thigh, tracing his fingers lightly up and down, gradually drawing closer to the swelling groin.

Heero moaned, Duo's touch through the coarseness of his pants sending his mind into overdrive. He desperately wanted to feel the touch of Duo's fingers against his skin, the clothes needed to go; and soon. His moans increased as he tried to voice his need.

Duo reached the juncture of Heero's legs; softly he raked his fingernails over the cloth encased balls, causing Heero to hiss loudly. He cupped the erection in his hand and squeezed lightly, enjoying the first touch of Heero's cock. From what he could feel through the fabric, the myth of Asian men had just been shot to pieces.

Heero moaned and hissed as his sensitive groin was fondled. "Please..."

"Please what, Heero?"

"Please, more."

"I think we should take this somewhere more comfortable."

"Anywhere, just don't stop."

Duo chuckled lightly and then with one last squeeze to Heero's groin he pulled away. "Let's go through to the bedroom."

~ oOo ~

Tbc........