[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

I don’t know when my mind started to churn out troubled thoughts. Maybe after Une separated us as partners, pairing us with rookies, or when the days and weeks ran together. We were two ships passing in the night, only seeing each other for fleeting moments had my once happy life in turmoil.  You see Wufei and myself became lovers just over two year ago, keeping our intimate partnership a secret from everyone, even our closest friends.   The cat so to speak was let out of the bag by accident six months ago. We had gone out to dinner, then a long lingering walk in the downtown park quite late at night. Who knew that we would be seen making out like a teenage couple on the bench near the fountain?   Of course, that Monday back at the office, the rumors spread like wildfire, our secret burned through the ranks all the way to Lady Une herself.  I have never been so embarrassed as I was then, sitting with my head bowed as Une snapped at us for our conduct then telling us that we couldn’t work together since we were much more than friends. Wufei had snapped back at her, but I’m sure that didn’t help our case, only to make it worse.   I miss making love to him, and him making love to me. I miss our talks, or just sitting in silence reading or just cuddling. We do see each other now, but only when I’m climbing out of bed as he’s climbing in. Our days off are also scheduled differently, but the days we do see each other are spent catching up on sleep and other household chores.    I think the whispers at work about me falling into depression are correct. I’ve never felt so alone since we were ‘outed’ at the office.  I sit here in bed, holding his pillow tight to my chest, wishing it were him I was holding just as tightly. I’m scared to admit that we’re slipping away. My heart aches at the thought, so much I think it’s breaking. Wufei should be home soon with just enough time for me to say hi and goodbye to him, as I get ready to leave for my shift.   I fluff his pillow, putting it back down so that he doesn't know I was molesting it before climbing out of bed and finding my clothes. I was halfway through getting my pants fastened when the bedroom door opened and my exhausted lover shuffled tiredly in.   “Fei? You’re either early or I’m running…” That’s when the smell of perfume hits me, so strongly that I reel back a few steps before I finished my sentence.   “Early.” He responds, yanking at the tie around his neck and tossing it by the nightstand. My mouth has gone dry, my mind going in to a chaotic mess. The warning bells were ringing so loudly that I couldn’t hear what he was saying.   He must be telling me about his day, but all I hear is my mind and my breaking heart telling me to run, to hide. Don’t let him hurt you; don’t let him tell you that he doesn’t love you anymore.   He lost interest in me already?   He found someone else since we can’t be together like we have in the past?   Wasn’t I worth it any longer?   “Duo? Snap out of it. What’s the matter?” He shook me roughly, bringing me out of my inner thoughts. Now I could feel my body shaking, my breathing becoming unsteady.   “Didn’t you hear a word I’ve been…”   “Shut up!” The words burst from my lips before I could stop them. I didn’t want to hear about his day, I didn’t want to hear about the floozy that he had gotten his jollies off with tonight, I didn’t…I choked on the lump in my throat before spinning away from him and storming out of the bedroom we’ve shared for so long.   I thought I would be fast enough to make my escape so I wouldn’t have to see him, hear him explain what had happen, to smell that scent that was strangling my senses. I was wrong when I was tackled near the front door, my body slammed into the parquet flooring of the foyer.   I bucked upwards, trying to dislodge his weight from my back, wanting to get the hell out of there before I did something that I might regret.   “Get the fuck off of me, Chang!”   “What the hell is the matter with you?” He grabbed my arms and twisted me over so that he was sitting on my hips, hands grabbing mine and pushing them above my head.   “I said, get the fuck off of me now!” I growled even louder, trying in vain to move him. He wasn’t going to budge on this. God damn him!   “Not until you tell me what caused this outburst!” His dark eyes gazed down on me; his arms slamming mine back down as I wrestled to free myself.   “Why don’t you tell me? You’re the one that came home smelling like you’ve spent the night in a whore house!” I shouted back in his face.   “What the hell are you talking about?”   “You fucking reek of perfume. That’s what I’m talking about. Didn’t you think I wouldn’t smell it? Didn’t think I would care that you were out there screwing someone other than me, your own lover?” I managed to get one of my hands loose, decking him in the cheek. That was enough to get him to shift his weight so I could get myself up to my feet, ready to run if this came down to blows. Even though I lost him to another, I wouldn’t hurt him…I love him too much to do so.   He rolled to his feet, checking the hand that he had pressed to his cheek. Did he really think I would make him bleed?  Evidently so, since he’s done it twice in our stare down.   “I’ve never cheated on you, Duo Maxwell.” He began, taking a step closer to me. “I pledged my love and faithfulness years ago to you.”   I snorted, not sure if I was amused or closer to tears than I realize. “I don’t see a damn ring on this finger.” I show him my hand, pointing to my bare ring finger. “I didn’t sign any paper that declared us domestic partners. If I did, where the hell is it?” I throw my arms up, circling around the room in a grand gesture.   “How could you, Fei? Didn’t I mean something even though we don’t get to see each other?” Damn it, that lump in my throat is back with a vengeance and no amount of swallowing is dislodging it!   “I’ve never cheated on you!” He’s now shouting, the anger flashing in his dark eyes. I want to shrink away, get out of his way because I know just how fiery his temper can be.   “Do you think I’d go through the hell I went through today just to throw the man I love away?” He paced away from me, fists at his sides.   Wait a minute…back up here.   “I don’t know where you’d ever get a thought like that in your head.” He turns to look right at me. “Are you ready to hear what I said up in the bedroom, or are you going to assume the worst and try running again?”  He’s right; I didn’t hear a word he said upstairs. I thought the worst and jumped headlong into accusing him of finding comfort and pleasure somewhere else.    I could only nod my head, not too sure that I could trust my voice at all.   “I conned Une in letting me off early, before the mall closed this evening. I just wanted to make tonight special.” He blurts out, before starting to frantically pace again. “I know you like those special chocolates in that one shop, but I had to detour through that ritzy department store to get there.”  

Okay, but that doesn’t explain…

  “That damn horrible smell is from some teenager spraying perfume at anyone that walked by her. I just happened to cross paths with her.” He spun again, tucking his hands deep into his pants pockets.   “I finally get to the chocolate shop, only to find that they don’t have any more of those caramel or the truffles in and they won’t be in for another day. I couldn’t come back here empty handed, so I went to another store and bought us something.”   “So you didn’t cheat on me?” When had my voice become so weak with need?   “Never.” He takes five steps to stand in front of me. “I went to that fancy little jeweler tonight. Damn it, I was going to ask you to marry me! Fuck this is so screwed up!” He turns away from me just before his fist connects with the drywall on the wall beside me.   “Fei!” I grab at his hand knowing he’s done some damage to it by the size of the hole in the wall now. He brushes me off, cradling it with his other arm.   “I go through hell just to make you happy and I come home to this?”   Fuck! The hurt look on his face wasn’t caused by the pain inflicted on his hand, but by the barbs of my jealousy and suspicion towards him. I’m such a dumb ass I could curl up and cry!   “I’m sorry I just jumped to conclusions. I’ve been so damn scared that we were drifting apart that I thought that tonight was the night when you came in. I just wanted to get out of here before you ripped out my heart.” I slid down the wall, tucking my face into my knees. Great going, Duo Maxwell! You’ve managed to win the ‘Fuck Up of the Year’ award.   Here we were, both of us silent waiting for something to happen. I wasn’t expecting Wufei to just say that everything was roses again and I’m sure he was still pretty pissed at me. How could I do that to him?   I was startled when he slid down the wall to sit next to me, his left hand searching out my right. I open my hand to his, but he only drops a small black pouch into it.   “This is ruining the best thing in our lives.” He swallowed thickly, his voice just a mere whisper to my ears.   “I can’t lose that. I can’t lose the one that I’m so deeply in love with.” I shiver at his words feeling that lump come back once again. I just wish it would go away and leave me alone!   “Une will have an ultimatum tomorrow. If we can’t go back as partners, working the same shifts, then she shall have my resignation effective immediately.”   “Fei, we should…”   “No, I’ve made up my mind. Nothing you can say will change it.” His voice is back to the whisper he started with. “Open that for me, please.” He gestures to the pouch he placed in my palm a moment ago. I do as he asks, dumping two gold bands into my hand.   “I just wish this would have come as a surprise to you. We’ve seems to just botch this whole night up.”   “My fault…”   “Mine as well.”   “Wufei?”   “Yes?”   & #8220;Ask me again?” My voice is shaky, I’m not sure he’s going to or not, but it’s worth a shot.   “Duo Maxwell, will you marry me?”    I nodded my head, looking down to the bands that lay in my hand.   “They’re dummy rings. The ones I’ve ordered will not be done until next week. I would never give you such a plain band.”   “I’m a simple man, Fei.”   “You’re the most complex man I’ve met, Duo.” He chuckled lightly at my side. I place the bands back into the pouch, drawing the string on it closed.   “Duo?”   “Yeah, Fei?”   “Take me to the hospital now. I think I broke my hand on a stud in the wall.”   Yup, this night is one for the books.