Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Behind Blue Eyes ❯ Chapter 4

BEHIND BLUE EYES

PART FOUR

* * *

It was strange how he sometimes lost his own identity in a dream. Sometimes, when Heero dreamed, he got lost inside someone, inside something. He was aware of himself, of his own being, and yet he knew that he was someone else. In the dream world, when he was himself and at the same time he was someone else, he occasionally got confused. At times, he forgot who he was.

Lost in a dream, Heero knew that he was someone else. He wasn't sure if he was himself, and he wasn't sure if he was who he thought he was, but yet he knew excatly who he was. For one confusing moment, he was sure of his own being, certain of his existence, and the next moment he was lost inside someone else. Someone simple, innocent and pure. His sense of self became one with the other being. He wasn't sure why, where, who and how he was. The only answer his dreaming mind supplied him with was that he was Hikari. A three-year-old boy, with little chubby legs, and small palms, holding his daddy's hand as they walked together into a tall building.

A certain part of his mind, maybe logic or consciousness, hinted that it was all an illusion. A dream caused by the picture he had seen at Nora's place. He didn't care if it was real or not, he was hardly aware of himself to care for anything. All he knew was that his daddy's hand felt warm and strong, and his little heart filled with pride as they walked together into daddy's work place.

His daddy was tall. When he looked up at him, it was like looking up at the skies. His black hair bounced up and down as he walked. He liked his hair cuz it was fun to play with. It was always so messy, and you could do funny things to it. His daddy looked down and smiled at him. Hikari smiled back.

Everything in the building looked big and clean. Even the flowerpots were big, and the red armchairs were fun to bounce on. Daddy said he shouldn't, but he did anyway. He laughed as daddy picked him up in the air and carried him to the Big Room. The Big Room was where daddy worked and it was really cool because it had a lot of room to run and play. There was even a big sofa to jump on!

For a moment Heero noted that the large panorama window at the office overlooked the whole colony. Shiny silver buildings glittered under the colony light, green trees and avenues decorating the space-settlement. But then he forgot about being so observant, about caring for such details, and he was a little boy again, simply enjoying messing with the shiny things on daddy's desk. Sitting on top of the large desk, he drew daddy a picture with the black pen that left a lot of stains on his shirt. Daddy laughed and ruffled his hair. He was happy.

In a flash, that happiness was gone.

There was a loud sound, a big BOOM! and then everything went dark. The world shook and rattled, collapsing at his feet. Daddy jumped out of nowhere, launching at him and snatching him off the table. In an instant, he was held securely in daddy's arms. The floor was gone and they fell. He could taste dust in his mouth. He was scared, so he began crying.

Daddy's hands held him tight. Hot wind rushed by them as they fell. He could see fire, and dust, and smoke. He cried, screaming hysterically as the world continued to shudder. Daddy held him close, and they were still falling. It was only for a second, such a quick descend, and yet he could see so much during that time. He wanted mommy to be here. He missed her. He remembered his home. His bed. The green trees in the park. He forgot to wear his favorite blue sweater today. He didn't feed the worms he kept in a jar. Will they die?

Something broke with a loud CRACK! when they crashed to the floor. Daddy screamed, and then there was silence. Everything hurt. Daddy was still holding him tight, squashing him. There was smoke everywhere, he couldn't see.

'Daddy! Daddy!' He called but daddy was lying on him and he was very heavy and he wasn't even moving. Rocks fell from the ceiling. There was a lot of blood on daddy's face.

'Daddy!!!!!!' He screamed, crying. He used his little hands push daddy away; it was hard to breathe because daddy was so big and heavy. He was squashing him. Daddy was still holding him tight, his arms all around him, holding the back of his head, protecting him. Daddy was too heavy to move. He cried because his chest hurt real bad and there was a yucky metallic taste in his mouth.

More rocks fell from the ceiling. They landed on daddy's back and squashed him even more. Daddy didn't cry, he was sleeping and the blood kept his eyes shut. He felt hot because the fire was so close. He was so scared and mommy wasn't there to help him!

Another rock fell from the ceiling. He saw it come closer and closer until it hit his head.

Then there was darkness. Everything was quiet. He didn't remember being Hikari anymore.

Heero was overwhelmed with fear. He was half aware of the fact that he was crying. His head hurt like it was actually hit by something sharp. Dream images swirled and whirled around him. All of the debris, the blood, and the smoke. They whirled around him like a crazed twister. He began fighting them off, pushing them away as he cried and screamed.

He was trashing wildly in his bed. Duo's strong arms were around him as he whispered softly in his ear.

"Shhh... Hee-chan... shhh... It's just a dream... It's all right... everything is all right..."

Dazed and confused, Heero slowly opened his eyes. Glazed cobalt orbs blinked in the dark, trying to come back to focus. He was panting harshly, his whole body trembling. He felt Duo gather him into his arms, and he rested his aching head on Duo's chest. He took a slow breath and closed his eyes. His heart pounded strongly in his chest and a nasty headache was drilling into his skull. He sighed tiredly and curled closer to Duo.

The two lay quietly on Heero's sofa/bed, together under a soft quilt. The hour was late and only darkness could be seen outside the window. A strong orange light of a portable heater lighted the small apartment. The intense ginger light made the entire apartment glow with warmth, washing everything with a golden hue.

Despite the pleasant heat surrounding the apartment, Heero was still shivering. He lay close to Duo, holding him like a lifeline, trying to shake off the effects of the nightmare. Duo was lying on his back, slightly tilted to the side, his arms resting securely around Heero. His naked torso was washed by the golden light of the heater, his hair messy from sleep. His worried amethyst eyes shimmered under the orange light, looking down at Heero with deep concern. He reached to pet his boyfriend's hair, his other hand gently rubbing Heero's smooth back.

The blue-eyed boy lay still beside Duo, his head resting on Duo's chest. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax, concentrating on the feeling of Duo's tender fingers in his hair, and the soothing movement of his palm on his naked back. After a long while of silence, he felt Duo's chest falter as he took a deep breath. He could feel the hesitation in the air, before Duo slowly spoke.

"Are you all right?" He asked slowly, as if speaking to a child.

"I think I hit my head..." Heero mumbled against Duo's chest, his voice numb.

"What? When? Where?" Duo blurted in a hurry, checking Heero for injuries.

The boy sighed tiredly, and slumped against Duo's body. "Maybe that's why... I'm not sure... I think..." He murmured in confusion, his voice distant, like he was still dreaming. He was looking ahead with dull eyes, the blue orbs glazed over with shock.

"Heero, what are you talking about? What happened?" Duo asked anxiously, his heart beating faster. "Are you all right?"

Heero didn't answer. He reached a hand from underneath the covers, and slowly brought it to his head. He felt around his temples, his slim fingers digging into his thick hair, feeling around as well. He drew his fingers from his hair, looking at them as if expecting to see blood.

Duo looked at him in confusion. "Heero, what's wrong? What happened?"

Sighing heavily, Heero let his hand fall down limply. He laid it on Duo's chest and pulled closer to him, snuggling against his warm body.

There was a tense and heavy silence, at which Duo looked anxiously at Heero. His heart was racing, his expression confused.

"Do you remember your name, Duo?" Heero murmured in a tired voice, caressing Duo's chest with the tip of his fingers. He drew small circles over the smooth skin, his eyes looking ahead at nothing. "Do you remember your real name?"

Duo was silent, his expression haunted as he stared at the air before him. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes slowly, as if trying to recall something that was lost to him. "No, I don't." he answered gravely, "I... I don't think I was ever given one."

Heero sighed, the look in his eyes forlorn and miserable. "I think I used to have a name, a long time ago. Maybe I... I think I forgot it..."

More images flickered through his mind, bright ones and dark ones mixing together. The green trees in the park. A big explosion. That man's - his father? No, he can't be. It was just a dream - smile. His mother's blue dress. A big rock, crashing down on him. Darkness. Odin Lowe, who found him and asked him for his name. Where did he find him? It was dark. He didn't remember. He didn't know what to answer when he asked for his name. 'Wakaranai... wakaranai...' he had mumbled. His hands were sticky with blood. Odin carried him away to someplace dark. More images of that building, behind the trees. He missed it. Long hair. Blue dress. Oh, how his head hurt... 'What is your name, boy? Do you understand me? What. Is. Your. Name?'

"Wakaranai..." Heero mumbled with a sigh, letting his aching head sink deeper into Duo's chest.

Worried by Heero's behavior, Duo wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. He leaned down to kiss the top of his head, his violet eyes shining with concern. "Just go back to sleep, Heero. Shh... just go to sleep..." He whispered soothingly, his voice shaking with emotion. His heart ached for his love, making his eyes moist with tears. Heero sounded so confused and fragile at the moment, that it broke his heart.

"Hold me." Heero asked quietly, his voice heavy with sleep. Closing his eyes, he snuggled closer to Duo and he buried his face in Duo's broad chest. He pulled his hands out of the covers and reached to hug the other man. The sheets rustled as Duo's hands slowly wrapped around him. Heero sighed pleasingly, feeling better already.

Looking down at Heero, Duo noted that the white covers fell aside due to his previous trashing. He reached a hand to pull them up again, being careful not to stir Heero awake. He let them slide over Heero's boxer-clad waist, and like a caress, he pulled them up to his slender shoulders. The boy didn't respond, and Duo assumed that he fell asleep. With a heavy sigh, Duo leaned back into his pillow and sunk into a swamp of grim thoughts.

If only there was a way to ease Heero's pain... he'd do anything to see him smile again. He hated seeing him so upset, haunted by something he couldn't understand. It was painful to see that confused look in Heero's blue eyes. He wanted to make him happy. He was ready to do anything in order to see Heero shine again.

* * *

"Oh man..." Duo mumbled nervously, shifting from side to side. "I can't believe you're making me do this." He said, his tone mock-accusing. He was standing by Heero's side, in the main hallway of Nora's floor. He was here to fulfill his promise to Heero, his best friend and recently established boyfriend, to come and meet his counterpart, the other most important person in Heero's life.

"For the life of me I feel like I'm here to ask your mother for your hand in marriage or somet'in..." He muttered, taking a nervous breath and running a hand through his bangs, for the umpteenth time that evening.

"Duo, you're over reacting, don't you think?" Heero replied softly, his tone amused. "She is not my mother and you are not here to ask for anything. We're just going over for dinner. It's important for me that you'll meet her."

"I know... I know..." Duo mumbled, shaking his head at his own silliness. "I just said that it feels like it..." He sighed, turning to look at Heero with eyes shimmering with doubt. "I mean, does she know about... us? Is that... I mean... am I supposed to act different, or maybe, I mean... I dunno..."

"Duo, relax!" Heero said, laughing lightly. Duo smiled sheepishly in return. His smile grew into a warm and loving expression when Heero continued laughing softly. He enjoyed that sound more than anything else in the world. It was a wonder in itself to hear Heero laughing.

"Besides," Heero continued, snickering, "She knew about us even before WE knew about us!"

"I don't follow." Duo muttered with a frown, taking another long breath to calm himself. He swallowed, looking up at Heero with a 'please don't make me do this' look.

Heero smiled warmly and laid a hand over Duo's. "Come on, she doesn't bite."

Sighing, Duo followed Heero to the door. While Heero knocked, Duo took the time to make himself more presentable, arranging the collar of his white shirt, which was under a beige sweater, and running a hand twice and then thrice threw his hair. First impressions are the most crucial, he mused.

He looked up at his boyfriend, and his gaze softened. Heero looked gorgeous no matter what he wore. He could even make a pair of spandex and a tank top look good. And the clothes he was wearing now were a far better eye treat than his old attire. With the tight black jeans he was wearing and the sky-blue shirt that clung to his torso, Duo found it hard to keep his eyes off the beautiful young man. He had to remind himself not to ogle during dinner, or he'll only end up embarrassing himself ever more than he probably would anyway.

Heero knocked again, and then carefully opened the door. He sent Duo a short glance, silently asking if he was ready. When Duo offered a faltering smile in return, Heero smiled back and opened the door.

"Nora? We're here." He said, entering the apartment.

Swallowing hard, Duo carefully walked behind him. He took a moment to scan the small apartment, his eyes taking in the bright wallpaper, the colorful plants that decorated the living room, the cozy living room and the grand dinner table awaiting them. The table was decorated beautifully, with a white table map, fine china plates and shiny silverware. There were two candles burning at the center of the table and a small flower arrangement by their side. A delicious aroma of home cooking was in the air. Duo smiled at the sight. There was a lot of love and effort put into this meal. It made his heart warm.

"Nora?" Heero called again, concern in his voice.

"Just a second!" Nora's voice came from the bedroom. "Make yourself comfortable! I'll be right there!"

Heero turned around to face Duo. He shrugged helplessly and Duo snickered.

"Women." Duo mouthed as a joke, and Heero chuckled.

"I'll be right back." He promised and made his way to the bedroom.

Heero knocked softly at Nora's bedroom door before entering. He stepped carefully into the bedroom, ready to retreat if she told him so. When he didn't hear her protest, he turned away from the door and faced the room. A small and loving smile touched his lips at the sight before him.

A soft orange light illuminated the small bedroom, casting a warm ginger glow on everything. Nora was standing by a small dresser, brushing her hair. She was wearing a modest blue dress that reached down to her ankles. The dress was a beautiful shade of sky-blue, and it hung gracefully over the curves of her body. She was very slender for a woman her age, and the simple yet elegant dress did her body justice. Her long brown hair was unbound, cascading down her back in a wavy waterfall. The light reflected on the lush hairs as she ran the brush through them, making her hair shine even more.

"You look beautiful, Nora." Heero whispered in awe, feeling warm inside. He walked towards her, gently taking the brush from her hand. "Here, let me." He said softly, taking a stand behind her.

Nora smiled sheepishly; bowing her head while her cheeks blushed. "You don't have to say that," she whispered as he slowly began brushing her hair, "I just found this old thing buried in the closet. I was surprised that it still fits."

"Well, it suits you." Heero said, gathering a handful of soft brown hairs and brushing them gently. The room coated with a warm honey-flavored silence as the two stood under the ginger light, Heero brushing Nora's hair lovingly. He ran the brush slowly through the lush waterfall of brown silk, his eyes enjoying the way the light shone on each wave.

When he drew the brush away, he noted that quite a few hairs were tangled around the brush. Frowning, he ignored it and placed the brush on the dresser.

"Would you like me to braid it for you?" He asked quietly, refusing to break the magic of the moment by speaking loudly. He gathered a handful of her lush hair, tenderly running it between his fingers. A few more molting hairs got tangled around his fingers. With a confused frown, he shook them off.

"There's no need. I'd like to wear it down." Nora said, slowly turning around to face him. She smiled, a hint of sadness tugging at the edges of her smile. "Who knows how long I'd be able to show-off my hair like this, right?" She finished with a bitter chuckle.

Heero rolled his eyes. "Don't be silly, Nora. Only men grow bold. If anyone should be worried, it's me." He joked, taking a small step back to stand in front of Nora. He examined her with loving eyes, looking at her from head to toe. An amiable smile spread slowly on his lips, reaching to his eyes and making them shine.

"You really are beautiful, Nora." He whispered, reaching a hand forward to caress her cheek.

Nora smiled in embarrassment and bowed her head, blushing. Her blind blue eyes were shimmering under the orange light that filled the room. Her heart filled with warmth and love for the young man standing before her.

"Thank you, Heero." She whispered back, and then took a deep breath. She looked up at him again, a smile on her lips. She reached to take his hand, holding his warm palm tenderly.

"Now, let's go meet that friend of yours." She said, and the two made their way out of the bedroom.

* * *

Heero helped Nora serve the food to the table and Duo praised her for every bite he took. The meal was delicious, as he made sure to inform her every once in a while. He was very polite and well-mannered. She couldn't help but sense that he was feeling awkward, like he had to make a good impression on her. For some odd reason, she felt that he wanted her approval for some reason. She received the same vibe from Heero. There was a sheepish note to their tone, and she could hear/sense (it was never clear to her how she was able to pick up these things) that they were both restricting their movements for some reason. They were feeling uncomfortable to act freely around her. She didn't want it to be this way. She did her best to make them feel comfortable.

Halfway through the meal, the ice melted. She could tell by their voices that they were not restraining themselves anymore. From that point on, dinner was a delightful event. The candles that lit the dinner table burnt brightly, lighting the eyes of the table's occupants with a warm glow. Happy smiles and joyful laughter filled every conversation.

Nora was charmed by Duo's lively personality. She enjoyed the sound of his voice, and she was enchanted by every tale he told. He had a very interesting way to tell things, which made her feel like she had been there too. His laughter was rich and warm, like honey. He scored an even higher score in her book when she noted that he could make Heero smile at each little joke he threw in the air. The sound of both young men laughing filled the small apartment, accompanied by Nora's light giggles. She was unused to the sound of her own laughter. She didn't remember laughing so much in a long, long, while. Duo was a charming young man full of life, laughter and knowledge. She never grew tired of listening to him, or sensing the joy he had brought into Heero's life. She was happy for the two of them, so happy that it brought her to tears in the midst of a fit of laughter.

After they were done eating, they simply remained seated, and spoke for an hour more. There was just so much to talk about; they never ran out of topics for conversation. Duo always had something to say to fill any silence, and once or twice it was even Heero who brought up one topic or another. Nora enjoyed listening to them, even if they sometimes got lost in their own nostalgia and left her out of the conversation for a short walk down Memory Lane. She simply leaned on the table, and listened with a smile. There was so much thrill, enthusiasm and passion in their voices that one couldn't help but enjoy listening to them. It was obvious how close they had gotten during the war, and how much they've been through together.

"That's not true." Heero spoke determinedly, shaking his head as he turned to look at Duo. "It was not stealing, it was borrowing. I simply borrowed the parts."

Duo rolled his eyes. "You never returned them, so it was stealing." His tone was accusing, but his eyes shone with amusement. It was evident that they had this little argument many times in the past, until it became a laughing matter.

Heero shifted his gaze aside for a moment, sheepish. "Uh, well, they got blown up somehow..."

Duo snorted. "Pff! Gee, I wonder how exactly." He muttered and slapped Heero on the back of his head.

"Ouch." Heero called, mock-glaring at his boyfriend. "That hurt, baka."

Nora chuckled, shaking her head. "I'll go make some tea." She stated, slowly getting up.

Heero turned to look at her, feeling a little guilty for leaving her out of the conversation. "Do you need any help?" He asked, ready to get up.

"No, no, you two enjoy yourselves." She hurried to assure him, gesturing at him to sit down as she headed to the kitchen.

Heero made a displeased face and got up anyway. "She's so stubborn sometimes." He muttered as he began to clear the table, gathering the plates. His skilled hands moved quickly to gather the dishes, as he did often at the diner, and soon there was a large pile of plates resting in his arms. He gave the task no consideration, looking up in the direction of the kitchen. Sighing, he shook his head and muttered: "She drives me crazy with her stubbornness."

Duo chuckled, handing Heero an empty salad bowl. "She reminds me of you."

Heero slowed down for a moment, thinking, and then shrugged. He sighed, his slim fingers expertly gathering the silverware left lying on the table. "I guess she does." He said slowly, thoughtfully. "And still it drives me crazy."

Duo's hand sneaked under the table and brushed playfully over Heero's thigh. Heero smiled shyly, his movements faltering for a moment. The soothing movement of Duo's fingers over his thigh managed to calm him a bit. He finished collecting the plates and prepared to leave.

"I'll be right back." He promised, slightly out of breath, and rushed to the kitchen.

He entered the kitchen and placed the pile of plates by the sink. Nora was standing by the stove, warming a kettle of water.

"Dinner was great." He said softly, reaching up for the cupboard above the sink. He pulled out three white china mugs, decorated with a simple blue pattern.

Nora smiled, nodding her head. "I'm glad you think so." She pointed at the direction of the cupboard. "There's a teapot in the cupboard. Bring it down, will you?"

Heero reached up; standing on his tiptoes, and took the teapot from the top shelf in the cupboard.

"Duo is a very interesting young man." Nora stated casually, arranging a few tea bags, honey, lemon and sugar on a shiny silver tray.

"Yes, he is." Heero agreed, taking a carton of milk out of the fridge. He liked his tea with milk and honey. He placed the milk on the tray as well.

"I can't remember hearing you laugh so much." Nora continued speaking matter-of-factly as she reached to lift the kettle off the stove.

Heero smiled shyly, slighlty blushing. "I'm glad you liked him."

Nora turned to smile at him, though there was something very serious, very intense, in her gaze. Her blind blue eyes seemed to be looking straight into him and back out. Heero swallowed, taken aback by that gaze.

"Heero," she began slowly, "Please don't miss this chance. I think you will be very happy with him. You already are."

Heero let out a small, relieved, sigh. He smiled and nodded his head. "Hai. I don't think I will let it slip by."

Nora relaxed as well. "Good. I was afraid that you were still filled with silly thoughts about 'right', 'wrong', and other nonsense. There's no right or wrong in love, I hope you know that."

Heero nodded. "Yes. I know. I've realized that love is just... love." He said with a smile. Nora smiled back.

"Good. I'm glad I got it off my che--" She suddenly gulped, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. She began to cough and gag loudly.

Heero's eyes widened in worry. "Nora?" He asked, panicked, and rushed to her side. "Nora, what's wrong?" He repeated when the woman didn't stop coughing.

Nora didn't answer and opened in a frantic run out of the kitchen. Duo, who was still sitting by the dinner table, managed to see her streak by the table and run to the hallway. A door was slammed shut and then Heero burst running out of the kitchen, following her. Confused, Duo got up as well and ran after him.

He made it to the hallway just in time to see Heero banging on the bathroom's door.

"Nora?!" He called worriedly, his tone fearful. He was panting and his features were pale with worry. From within the bathroom, he could hear sounds of gagging and coughing, like vomiting.

"Nora!? Nora! What's wrong?" He asked desperately, his blue eyes looking miserably at the door. He threw a hand towards the doorknob and shook it violently. The door was locked, and it only rattled loudly under his assault. He felt so helpless at the moment, which made him punched the door in a frustrated attempt to do something.

Duo's warm hand sneaked carefully over his shoulder, trying to calm him. "Heero, calm down. Please." He whispered, looking worriedly at his boyfriend. Heero's shoulders were tense and his every muscle taut. Duo stroked his shoulder soothingly, trying to offer as much comfort as he could.

"Move back." Heero hissed coldly, and Duo knew better than to argue. He took a few steps back and watched as Heero rammed himself at the door, opening it by force. Without waiting for Duo's response to his actions, Heero burst into the small bathroom.

He found Nora kneeling in front of the toilet, the folds of her blue dress lying on the floor, surrounding her like a puddle. Her long brown hair shone under the bright light in bathroom, moving left and right as she leaned over the toilet to vomit.

"Nora?" Heero whispered dreadfully, and took a small step towards her.

The woman did not respond, and leaned closer to the toilet, still vomiting.

Heero kneeled by her carefully, and placed a trembling hand over her back. He rubbed her back soothingly, trying to help, to ease, to be of any use at all. His miserable blue eyes watched her in worry as she emptied her dinner into the white porcelain. His expression was lost and his features pale. All he could do was stroke her back slowly, his fingers gliding over her long brown hair.

Duo stood at the doorway, watching them silently.

After a while, Nora calmed and slumped against the toilet, panting. Her features were pale and tired, dark circles under her eyes. She was breathing heavily, her mouth wide open as she gasped for air.

"I'll bring her some water." Duo muttered, and slowly turned to leave. Heero sent him a thankful glance and then turned back to Nora.

"Are you all right?" He whispered timidly, his voice faltering as he spoke. He was still rubbing her back, and when she slowly straightened up, he was forced to let go. His hand slid off her passively, and dangled lifelessly at his side. He took a deep breath and turned to look at her, his blue eyes shimmering with worry and fear.

"What happened?" He asked quietly, watching her carefully for any sign of discomfort.

"Nothing." Nora muttered, wiping her mouth. She took a deep breath and tilted her head back for a moment, trying to relax. "I overate, that's all." She finally said, turning to face him. She smiled, but her smile faltered. "Just an upset stomach. It's been bothering me all day."

Heero frowned, unconvinced. "Are you ill? Why didn't you say so? You shouldn't have forced yourself to make dinner tonight." His tone was harsh, like he was rebuking a child. His worry over her tended to make him over-protective, like a parent over a child. It was absurd in a way, but he didn't care.

"Don't be silly, Heero." Nora whispered, slightly out of breath. Duo walked into the bathroom and handed her a glass of water.

"Thank you." She mumbled and took a small sip. Heero's worried blue eyes were on her the whole time.

"Maybe I should stay the night."

Putting the glass away, Nora shook her head slowly. "Please, Heero, there's no need. You two have plans." She said tiredly, turning to face Heero with a forced smile. "I'll be fine."

"Demo-" Heero objected, shaking his head in a desperate motion.

"Nora, maybe he's right." Duo interjected, his tone careful for he felt out of place to say such things. "If you are feeling ill, then..."

"Boys, please! I'm fine." Nora insisted, "It was just a slight nausea... I overate. That's all." She said, and with a groan she struggled up to her feet. Heero got up as well, reaching a hand to help her.

"Are you sure?" he asked, helping her stand, "I really don't mind staying, and if you need anything then please say so."

Nora smiled warmly, her eyes shining as she turned to face him. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Heero, I'm fine. Don't fuss over me, I don't appreciate it."

Heero made a face, but kept his mouth shut. Sighing, he lowered his head and muttered: "Fine. I'm sorry." He reluctantly let go of her, and prepared to walk out of the bathroom. Duo was waiting at the doorway, watching them silently. When Heero reached the doorstep, he sighed and turned back to face the woman.

"Just... just call if you need anything..." he pleaded, his blue eyes shimmering, "Please?"

Nora sighed, pushing her long hair out of her eyes. She turned to 'look' up at him, smiling. "All right. I will."

Heero smiled shakily in return, still worried and confused. "Thank you." He mumbled, and then walked out of the bathroom.

Duo was already waiting for him in the living room.

"Is it okay to leave her like this?" He asks worriedly, his heart aching for Heero. The young man's anguish was shining clearly in his blue eyes.

"Yeah." Heero breathed, his voice tired. He walked heavily towards the kitchen. "I'll just... I'll wash the dishes and then we'll go." He mumbled dejectedly.

Duo hurried to catch up with him, so he could walk by his side, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Sure. I'll help ya." He promised with a warm smile, and the two set to work.

* * *

It seemed like whenever he was in a bad mood, the weather responded in kind. It was as if the Earth itself reflected his own feelings and moods, which was quite absurd considering he was a colony-born. He had little connection to the Earth, and yet the lively planet seemed to have grown fond of him. Perhaps it was thankful towards the man who had saved it from destruction. Maybe it was showing some sort of gratitude towards him by sympathizing with his emotions. Maybe that's why it rained whenever he felt like crying, or the skies were a clear blue when his heart felt lighter. Or perhaps, he had it all backwards, and the Earth detested him. Maybe that's why it didn't allow the sun to shine when he was feeling down, so there will be nothing to cheer him up. Plausibly, Heero mused, it was probably just a coincidence. He was being selfish thinking that everything revolved around him.

In any case, the fact remained that ever since the dinner at Nora's place, Heero's mood was rundown, and his mood reflected in the cloudy sky. The time was towards the end of spring, and summer was approaching, and yet the weathermen were baffled as to how a storm had come upon the city. The temperatures dropped drastically, and cold winds blew over the streets. Now and then a shower of rain fell from the heavens, and the sight of a blue skies became rare all of a sudden.

People didn't give it much thought. For a long while after the Eve Wars the weather had been capricious. The use of many nuclear weapons and large atmospheric interruptions caused by many weapons of war, had somehow damaged the Earth in ways still unknown. Phenomenons like snow in the middle of summer or a drought during the coldest winter, were becoming rather common in some parts of the world. The heavy rain falling over the city didn't surprise the people walking down the streets, and they simply hurried to find shelter.

Running down the pavement, Duo cursed and reached a hand to wipe the wet bangs that clung to his face. "Dammit! What's up with this rain?" He muttered, shifting his hold on the heavy paper bags he was holding. He ran faster, eager to get out of the rain. The heavy droplets falling from above were fat, hot and muddy. The winds of the summer storm blew hard, tousling his long bangs wildly.

Heero, who was walking by his side, hurried to catch up with him. He was also carrying two heavy paper bags, packed with groceries, his pink/blue/white uniforms getting soaked by the rain. He just finished work an hour ago, and Duo came to meet him so they could go shopping together. Nora was ill, as she had been all week, and Heero made sure to buy all of her necessities as well. He wasn't overly depressed today, when Duo was with him it was hard to sink into depression, but he was worried sick over Nora. It seemed like the weather responded to his worry.

Sighing tiredly, Heero fixed his hold on the bags he was carrying and ran towards Duo. The two hurried towards Heero's apartment building, entering the small lobby with their clothes soaking wet and their breathing heavy.

"Jesus!" Duo exclaimed, shaking his head from side to side. His wet hair sprayed water all over the place, like a dog drying himself. "Where the hell did THAT come from?!"

Heero gave out a small chuckle, thrusting his damp bangs out of his eyes. "Alaska. Or so they said on the news." He replied smugly, making his way towards the stairwell.

"Smartass." Duo muttered, and followed in his footsteps.

"I'm going to give Nora her groceries first." Heero informed him as they climbed up to Nora's floor. "I won't be long."

Duo smiled, slightly panting as he climbed two stairs at a time, trying to catch up with Heero. "Take your time. I don't mind. Hey! Why won't we make her something good to eat? It will make her feel better."

Heero nodded with a smile. "That'll be nice." He said, walking into the corridor that led to Nora's door.

"Cool! I think I can make a good... uh... TV dinner?" Duo mumbled, grinning sheepishly, "Heh, I don't think she'd like my cooking."

Heero rolled his eyes and turned to the door. "Baka." He wiggled his hand from behind the shopping bags and raised it to the door. He knocked, but there was no answer. Frowning, he knocked again.

"Maybe she's not home." Duo suggested carefully. He was standing behind Heero, holding the paper bags, and peeking over his shoulder. It was not the first time that the two of them dropped by without notice at Nora's place, and found themselves standing in front of the door, with no one there to answer. "Maybe she had more of those arrangements she always goes on."

Heero sighed, worry stirring in his heart. He reached to knock again. "Duo no baka. You saw how ill she was the other day. Why would she go out in such condition?"

Duo shrugged. "I dunno. It was just a thought..."

Taking a nervous breath, Heero tried again. "Nora?" He called, leaning towards the door. "Are you home?"

Silence.

Sighing heavily, Heero put the bags down and pulled a key out of his black jeans' pocket.

"Are you sure it's okay?" Duo asked as he watched his boyfriend key himself in.

"Yeah." Heero grunted, opening the door with some difficulty. It creaked when it opened, and cool air poured out of the apartment.

"Is it always this cold?" Duo let out with a frown, taking a hesitant step forward. He clutched the bags tightly as he waited for Heero to lift his own load.

"The landlord didn't agree to activate the central heating." Heero muttered in annoyance, walking into the apartment. "He insists that a storm in the middle of spring is not a good enough reason." He finished with a sigh, just as they entered the kitchen. He placed the bags on the kitchen table. Duo did the same.

"So, uh, no home cooked meal tonight, huh?" He joked, though he was a little disappointed. He had grown very fond of Nora's cooking. He cherished every evening the two of them came over for dinner. It was far better than munching on junk food while they studied.

Heero chuckled, placing some dairies in the fridge. "Don't worry, Duo. I'll cook."

Duo grinned and hurried to glomp his boyfriend from behind. "All right!"

* * *

When they reached Heero's apartment a while later, Heero offered that Duo will enter the shower first, while he will make dinner. He didn't take the time to change out of his wet pink/blue/white uniforms, and began preparing the meal. The apartment was silent aside for the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. The sun was setting behind the heavy clouds, bidding farewell to another gloomy afternoon. The apartment was quite chilly, the crisp air of the summer storm leaving invisible frostbites on everything it touched. The heater was turned on, standing on a miniature wooden table in the small space between the kitchen and the living room. Its strong orange light washed the small apartment, casting a ginger glow on the sofa/bed that stood in the middle of the living room.

Heero worked in silence, cutting a few vegetables and then throwing them into a small wok. He made a quick and simple dinner, frying some noodles, while he waited for Duo to finish his shower. It was not an unusual routine for the two of them. Since Duo lived in the university's dormitories, Heero was not allowed to enter his quarters. So the two of them spent most of their time together either going out, or in Heero's apartment. The tiny apartment had barely enough room for one, but they didn't mind to share such closeness. There wasn't much room to move about, merely a small kitchen, a bathroom and the sofa that took most of the space, but they managed. Most of the time they just lay together on the bed, studying, watching television or simply enjoying each other's company.

There was nothing Heero enjoyed more than being curled beside Duo under a warm blanket, simply being held and caressed. They didn't sleep together in the sexual sense of the word, not yet, but it didn't bother them. Heero was grateful for being able to take things slow. Despite his deep love and attraction to Duo, he didn't feel ready to sleep with him yet. He wanted to take his time, to familiarize himself with this new sense of intimacy. He had rushed things before, having a cheap one-night-stand, and he had gotten nothing but hurt in exchange for a few moments of pleasure. Before that, he was forced to have sex, brutally raped, and that had also left deep scars in his soul. He didn't want to rush things with Duo. He wanted to take slow careful steps towards an intimate relationship. He was grateful that Duo and he shared that opinion. He suspected that his boyfriend was hesitant because of what happened back then, in that dark prison cell, and he was thankful for the fact that Duo was so considerate.

He finished just in time, when the sound of running water ceased to come from the shower. He took a couple of simple blue bowls out of the cupboard and loaded each one with some stir-fried noodles. His slim fingers swiftly swooped two pairs of chopsticks from the counter, and he made his way to the living room.

Duo walked out of the bathroom, immediately washed by the warm golden light of the heater. He was wearing the same pair of blue jeans he wore before, and one of Heero's white T-shirts. His damp hair fell smoothly over his back, before he reached two hands up and braided it swiftly. He saw Heero was waiting for him on the bed, and he smiled lovingly at the sight of him, washed by the exotic gigner light. Despite his ridiculously colored uniforms, Heero managed to look beautiful. There was a certain glow to the boy, something sweet and honey-like, whenever he saw him under this light. It made his heart warm, and he couldn't help but let his smile spread like melting chocolate.

"Smells delicious." He commented softly, and sat beside Heero. Heero smiled back, handing him a bowl of noodles. The two enjoyed a nice silent meal together, sitting curled by one another in front of the heater.

When they were done eating, Duo got up, and without a word took the two empty bowls into the kitchen. Heero, who was still sitting on the sofa/bed, smiled affectionately at the sound of running water from the sink, where Duo began washing the dishes. His heart felt heavy, but each little thing Duo did was so endearing, that it made his burden so much easier to bear. He loved the connection they shared. The way they could communicate with no words at all. Duo knew when to keep silent; he knew when he should just be there, with no words, just his loving presence. Heero was so thankful for it. He enjoyed the comfort and affection Duo gave him. He loved the understanding they shared, the deep bond between them. It made even the gloomiest rainy afternoon feel like the warmest thing in the world.

Although he was still bothered by the ominous feelings that flooded him day and night. At day, he thought of Nora, about her frequently growing disappearing acts. At night, he was haunted by nightmarish visions of blood, pain and smoke. Events from his past and the story of Nora's past mixed together in his head to form a terrifying reality. It was terrifying because it was so real. Each dream was so actual and intense that it left him shaking. When Duo didn't sleep over, he would even cry. He was emotionally drained, tired of feeling so much worry and dread. He would brood often and every now and then Duo had to wake him from some numbing daydream. His mind got sidetracked easily, thinking about images that were possibly memories, possibly fiction. And to top it all was the fact that he could speak about none of that with Nora, because she was feeling ill as it is, and he didn't want to upset her.

Sighing heavily, Heero slowly dragged himself off the sofa and made his way to the shower.

* * *

Standing in front of a small mirror, he undressed slowly, taking his time. His limbs felt heavy, he was so terribly tired. His mind was numb, his vision unfocused. He mindlessly pulled his shirt over his head, and threw it to the floor. He wriggled out of his jeans and let them drop to the floor. Sighing tiredly, he bent down to yank his socks off. He straightened up, glancing shortly at the mirror.

There was a little boy in the mirror, staring straight at him. A little boy with scruffy brown hair and a thick bloody bandage around his head. Hikari.

Heero gasped, his eyes wide. The boy's sad blue eyes met with his. Blood was running down his temples, leaking from underneath the bandage.

Heero staggered back, nearly falling, until he collided with the wall. The cool porcelain wall stung his naked back, bringing him violently back to reality. He blinked, and the boy was gone. He was staring at his own pale and naked reflection.

He stood there, panting, staring at his trembling reflection. The image of the bloody bandage on the boy's head was burnt deeply into his mind. He felt nauseous all of sudden, a dreadful feeling overtaking him.

With trembling hands, he reached to open the faucet. He stepped under the warm shower stream, and leaned his head heavily on the cool porcelain wall. Closing his eyes, he forced himself to take deep, long breaths, trying to calm down. Quick flashes assaulted his mind, an overflow of information trying to flood his head. He felt like there was too much trying to enter his mind, and there was not enough room. It hurt. He cringed painfully, squeezing his eyes tight as the images swirled in his head. A park. A home. An explosion. Darkness. The training. The war. The rape. Fear. Pain. Longing for something... something that was lost... something he could never remember...

"Please..." he pleaded, nearly crying, "Just leave me alone..."

His mother. His father. Dead. No! It was just a dream! It never happened to him! It was Nora's family! It was Hikari's life! Not his! Not his!

"Urgh!" Heero groaned, collapsing to his knees. The hot shower rained from above, warm water mixing with fresh tears. He punched the wall in frustration and pain. He was going crazy, driven mad by memories and fantasies that didn't belong to him. They didn't belong!

"Heero?" Duo's hesitant voice came from behind the door. There was a soft knock. "Heero, are you okay?"

He suddenly realized that he must have been there for too long. The water was getting cold. Sighing, he took a moment to compose himself before muttering a faltering "Y-yes."

There was a hesitant pause, and then, "Oh, uh, a-all right. I, uh... take your time. Sorry." Duo mumbled, sounding confused. Did he notice that he was crying?

Duo retreated. It was silent again, only the sound of the rushing water there with him. Still on his knees, he reached a trembling hand up and closed the faucet. He then slowly rose on shaking feet, and stepped out of the shower. He dried himself slowly, sending nervous glances at the mirror as he slid the towel over his damp body. The reflection didn't change; he was still staring at his frightened, confused, self.

He took a small step forward, and stood in front of the mirror. He let the towel drop to his feet, and merely stood there, staring at his naked reflection. He studied himself quietly, running his blue eyes slowly down his lean figure. With a faltering breath, he reached a hesitant hand up, carefully touching his chest. He slid the tip of his fingers over his muscled chest, trailing down to his abdomen, and then his waist. He touched himself lightly, tilting his head aside curiously as he looked at his reflection.

A small shiver ran threw him when his intense blue eyes meet with the eyes in the mirror. He swallowed, lightly caressing the area just above his groin. He wanted to make sure that it was himself he was touching. He needed this reassurance. Looking at the reflection of his hand, and feeling it trail over his skin, made him feel real somehow. If he could see and he could feel, then he must be real. His breath faltered for a minute as he toyed with the curly hairs above his groin. He looked deeply into his own eyes, and offered himself a little smile.

He couldn't believe that he was looking at his nineteen year old self. That thought suddenly amazed him. He was prepared to take his own life by the age of ten, and yet here he was, staring at his older reflection. He couldn't believe that he made it this far. He survived anything life threw at him, and now, he was happy. True, he was very upset lately, and at times he found it too hard to force himself to take another breath, but he was overly content with life. He had all he ever wished for, and he was prepared to take it all- the good with the bad. He of all people knew that life was not a bed of roses. Most of the time there were simply thorns.

Looking deeply into his own eyes, Heero reached a hand to touch the mirror. He caressed the face of his reflection, and smiled a little. From every bad thing, came something good. He hated to think about the awful things of his past, however he wished to take whatever little goodness came out of them. Perhaps there was a reason for each horror he had to go through. Perhaps... perhaps he did have a home once, a family, and fate separated them so he could answer a greater call, fulfill a bigger destiny. He didn't mind it so much now that he had Nora. He grew attached to her, he loved her deeply, and that was enough of a compensation for what he had lost.

As for the horrors of war... maybe what happened in that dark OZ prison cell only made him stronger. It made his love stronger. His love for Duo was greater than anything he ever felt. And now, he felt ready. Ready to give him his body, ready to show his love to him in the most intimate way. It meant a lot, and he was sure that Duo knew that. It wasn't easy for him to do this, after being raped, but the love filling his heart was enough of a reason.

He felt ready, his body told him. His skin tingled in anticipation, warm shivers rippling through his body. He looked down at himself, slowly lowering his hand. He placed his palm over his heart, the wild heartbeat confirming his body's statement. He was ready to do this, his heart confirmed. He needed to do this. Tonight. He wanted it to be tonight. This body was his own, to do as he pleased. He will give it by choice, with all the love that he held in his heart. He was ready for this. He felt it in the very fibers of his being. If he will not share this intimacy tonight... he would collapse. He couldn't do this by himself anymore. He needed someone to be with him. He needed someone to touch him, to hold him. He needed Duo to touch him, to understand him. To make love to him, to comfort him and take the pain away. He needed to show his love to Duo, he wanted to make him feel it. He wanted both of them to feel it. Tonight. It was going to be tonight.

With a shy little smile, Heero nodded at his own reflection. He bent down to pick his towel off the floor, and wrapped it around his waist. No more nightmares after tonight. No more regrets, he decided, and carefully stepped out of the bathroom.

* * *

He walked out of the shower with only a white towel around his slim waist. The orange light of the heater slowly coated him like a golden blanket as he walked back into the living room. His damp hair was dripping water, the clear droplets glittering as they slid down his muscled chest.

Duo was sitting on the sofa/bed, waiting for him. The bed was freshly made, and the braided young man was sitting in the middle of the double bed, fluffing a pillow. Heero smiled warmly at the sight, and made his way to the bed. With the towel hanging loosely around his slender waist, he crawled onto the bed, and kneeled behind Duo. He caught his braided boyfriend by surprise when he slowly began kissing his neck, earning a small gasp from the boy.

Heero smiled to himself and leaned forward, letting his hands wander up Duo's arms, to his shoulders, and down to his chest. He pressed himself to Duo's back, nibbling his neck playfully, as his fingers sneaked under the boy's shirt. Duo moaned and Heero shifted closer, the mattress yielding under his movements.

"H-Heero..." Duo mumbled, out of breath. "What's gotten into you?" Breathless, he turned around to face the Japanese boy. His gaze softened at the beautiful sight before him. He took a moment to simply appreciate the sight of the beauty kneeling before him. The way the warm orange light painted Heero's muscled chest, creating an exotic vision of the boy. He was wearing nothing but a loose towel, which was hanging low around his slim waist. Duo's eyes lingered onto the inviting sight, before he turned to look up at Heero's eyes.

Heero smiled shyly, his cheeks slightly blushing. He reached a slim hand down, and slowly removed the towel, sliding it over his skin until it hid nothing. He swallowed, taking a nervous breath, before he turned to look at Duo again. His cheeks blushed a bright red, and his entire body burnt with heat. The feeling of complete exposure in front of the one he loved sent pleasant tingles down his skin. Just being looked at was arousing him.

Stunned, Duo simply stared. His wide eyes traveled up and down Heero's naked figure, until he met his eyes. A small smile graced his lips, his eyes moist with tears for he was so overwhelmed with love. Still, he hesitated to move. Heero saw that, noticed the flash of that dark cell reflecting in Duo's eyes, but he didn't let it stop him. Tonight he will prove, to both Duo and himself, that their love can win over those memories. The past will be forgotten after tonight, he promised himself.

He reached forward, and took Duo's hand in his. He guided the hesitant palm to his body, letting it rest on his thigh.

"Don't think about it." He whispered, looking deeply into Duo's eyes. He smiled kindly, shifting Duo's hand so it slid down his inner thigh. "I'm not."

Duo swallowed, looking nervously at his hand, afraid to hurt Heero somehow, despite the fact that he was not responsible for his hand's current location. He looked up at Heero just in time to see the boy lean closer, and then becoming a blur as he sealed his lips with a kiss. The feeling of Heero's warm lips against his mouth slowly melted his fear away. He kissed back, tasting those soft lips and then parting them gently with his tongue. He kissed Heero long and deep, rising higher on his knees as he wrapped his arms around the boy. Heero's skin was hot as fire when he touched him. He rubbed his palm up and down Heero's back, toying ruthlessly with Heero's tongue until the boy moaned helplessly into his mouth. He drank every moan, as if they were wine, his body getting eager to play the game.

When they parted, they were both panting. Duo's hair was tousled wildly, his bangs moving up and down as he breathed. Heero was also flushed and breathless. He leaned closer to Duo, breathing harshly into his ear as he whispered- "Make love to me, Duo. I love you, I trust you, I..." His hand reached down between their bodies, taking hold of Duo's hand. He guided his hand to his hardening arousal.

"...I want you..." He whispered in a low, sexy voice, smirking at his own boldness.

Duo smiled back and then chuckled. He gave Heero a quick kiss, and then drew back so he could look into his eyes. "Are you sure?"

Heero nodded, his eyes shining with warmth and love. "More than anything. I want to make love with you."

It was all the reassurance Duo needed.

* * *

That night, they made love like nothing else mattered. 'Heaven' would have been an understatement to describe the feelings that flooded Heero that night. He never knew that sex could be so gentle, so caring and considerate. He could feel the love in every movement, every touch, and every caress. He was worshiped with kisses and sweet words, praised by gentle hands and delicate lips. The pleasure coursing through him was unimaginable. Never in his life did he feel such sensations, such deep passion and love.

Duo let him set their pace, control their positions and everything else. Settling on his knees, he waited for Heero to act. Heero wrapped his arms around Duo's neck, smiled shyly and positioned himself above Duo's erect arousal. He pressed his forehead to Duo's, looking him deep in the eye. Slowly, carefully, he lowered his hips and took Duo into him, inch by inch. Pleasant shivers crawled under his skin as he was slowly filled by Duo's warm, lubed, erection. He closed his eyes in pleasure, his breath quickening as he took Duo deeper and deeper into him. Duo leaned his head back, groaning loudly. His eyes were closed tight, his lips pressed into a thin line. He felt himself sheathed deeply inside Heero, his cock pulsing inside the tight heat. Heero didn't move, simply savoring the elevating feeling of having Duo inside him.

"God... Heero... you feel so good..." His lover ground out, his body shaking with pleasure.

Heero chuckled, leaning closer to Duo's face. His laughter tousled Duo's long bangs, tickling his face. He kissed his forehead gently, pressing his warm lips against the hot skin. He kept his hips still, relishing in the feeling of having Duo inside him. He loved it, being filled, being whole at last. He raised his hips up slowly, enjoying the feeling of Duo's erection rubbing against his inner walls. Duo moaned loudly, squeezing the tears out of his closed eyes. Heero smiled and then quickly slumped his hips down, burying Duo inside him swiftly. This time, his prostate was hit and a throaty moan tore out of his lips.

"It... doesn't... hurt... does it?" Duo managed to ground between clenched teethe, struggling to refrain himself from slamming blindly into Heero.

The Japanese boy smiled kindly and shook his head. "No." He whispered, leaning down to kiss Duo. "I enjoy it."

Duo opened his eyes to look at his lover, smiling. "I never enjoyed prostate stimulation." He admitted.

Heero shrugged casually and bent to nibble Duo's lower lip. "Then it's a good thing that I do." He said with a smirk, and then raised his hips again. He pushed down quickly, and then repeated the motion. All the while his eyes were focused on Duo's face, drinking the sight of the pleasure dancing across his lover's beautiful features.

Using Duo's shoulders as leverage, he began creating a rhythm, riding Duo slowly at first and then picking up the pace. They had no more breath left for talking; they were both busy panting and moaning loudly. Heero leaned back, arching his back, while his fingers gripped Duo's shoulders tightly. His head was tilted back, his messy bangs hanging low, swinging from side to side. The usual mop of hair that obscured his features was thrown back, so that every inch of his features could be seen washed in pleasure. He called out and jumped each time his prostate was hit, his wild bangs bouncing up and down with him.

This union was the most beautiful thing he ever felt. It was unconceivable that he held Duo inside him at the moment. They were one being, one soul, at long last. His eyes flooded with tears at the realization. Pure love was coursing through his veins, overwhelming him and bringing him to tears. He'd been shedding so many of those lately, compensating for all the years he had been holding them back. There was no reason to hold back anymore, he felt free to act by his emotions. He was finally following his own advice. Each time he shed a tear, his heart felt lighter. There was more room for love in his heart as he shed the sadness away.

He could feel Duo lean forward and attach his lips to his right nipple. He coated him with hot saliva and began to suck. Heero's arousal twitched. He cried out in pleasure, his knuckles turning white as he gripped Duo harder. He was calling out so many incoherent things, moaning and groaning as he moved his hips up and down in a mind-blowing rhythm. He wanted to feel more and more of Duo, every inch, deeper and deeper inside of him. He couldn't hold himself back anymore and he launched himself at Duo, grabbing the boy's head with two hands and dove down to devour him with a brutal, passionate kiss. He poured all of his lust, love, and passion into this one kiss, taking Duo's breath away when he gasped. He continued to ride Duo without using his hands for leverage, concentrating on driving his lover insane with one single kiss.

Duo growled and returned the playful assault, kissing back furiously. He grabbed Heero's hips to keep him from falling, meeting him thrust for thrust. He hugged the boy tightly, devouring his mouth as they both battled for dominance. When his tongue finally won over Heero's, he reached a shaking hand to stroke his lover's neglected arousal. The boy screamed loudly when he was touched, the pleasure overloading his senses. After a few quick strokes Heero came with a shuddering scream, his body convulsing. He came all over Duo's stomach, the movement of his hips slowing down as he rode on the waves of his orgasm. Duo drove into him a few more times before coming violently. His hand was still pumping Heero, squeezing him tight. Heero felt hot fluid burst inside of him, coating his inside. He smiled at the feeling, and slumped tiredly onto Duo.

The two collapsed on the bed, panting, sweating, and basking in afterglow.

They lay together in silence, simply breathing. Heero was curled against Duo, lying by his side. They entwined their limbs, as Heero laid his head on Duo's sweaty chest. His braided lover was still breathing hard, and his chest rose up and down quickly. Heero smiled at the feeling, also happy to hear the wild rhythm of Duo's heart. He wrapped his arms around Duo, hugging him tight. Duo's hand slowly traveled up and down his body, caressing him with soft butterfly touches.

"I love you." Heero whispered, reaching down for Duo's braid. It was still wet from the shower he'd taken but two hours ago. He began toying to the tip of Duo's braid, curling the wet hairs around his finger and then releasing them.

Duo's hold on him tightened. He pushed him closer to his body, and kissed the top of his head. "I love you too, Hee-chan. More than anything." He whispered back, caressing Heero's smooth back. "Thank you for a wonderful evening."

Heero smiled sheepishly, his cheeks blushed. "You're welcome." He mumbled into Duo's chest, shrugging lightly. He curled deeper into Duo, nestling himself against the warm body. He sighed pleasantly, enjoying the warmth surrounding him, and drifted into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

He was home again, standing in the middle of a green park. Shiny silver buildings peeked from behind the trees, the hint of a window and some flowerpots visible behind lush branches. He turned to look around, examining his surrounding. He smiled at the familiar sight, a feeling of peace taking over him. The park was silent, only the soft twittering of birds heard from a distance. Behind him, down the green hill, spread the whole colony in all its glory. The silver streets glinted under the colony light, colorful cars cruising down the roads.

He smiled, and turned back to face the park. The air was warm and sweet. He inhaled deeply and began to slowly walk down the gravel trails, enjoying himself beyond belief. He didn't recall feeling such ease in a long, long, while. The calm atmosphere and the delightful green sights bestowed a pleasant feeling over him. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, a smile spreading on his features as he let himself enjoy the warm colony light.

He stood still for a few moments, simply absorbing the pleasant silence. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Nora standing not so far away, on a nearby hill. She was wearing her beautiful blue dress, her long brown hair cascading smoothly down her back, tousled by the wind. It seemed like she was looking for someone, searching desperately. Heero smiled warmly. She was looking for him.

He took a step forward, simply wishing to go to her, to end her search so she will not be so sad. The minute he took another step, someone stopped him. He was grabbed forcefully from behind, two pairs of strong hands gripping him by his upper arms. His eyes widened in panic.

"No!" He called, frightened. He reached a hand forward, in Nora's direction, trying desperately to reach her. "Nora!"

The hands restraining him tightened in a painful grip, nearly ripping his flesh. An evil laughter rang in his ear, followed by another.

"C'mon, sweet cakes, time to go back."

"Yeah, babe, we missed ya!"

He knew those voices and he shook his head wildly in denial. "No! No! Please!"

They began dragging him away from there, and he knew, without even looking back, that they were dragging him into that dark cell again. He fought them with all his might, struggling to get away. To get back to Nora. She was waiting for him. She's been waiting for so long, he had to go to her!

But he couldn't get away from them. He was too tired to fight, too exhausted to struggle. It was those damn tests, they made him weak. He couldn't even move his legs anymore. He hung limply in their hold, his feet dragging on the gravel road as they carried him away. His head hung low in defeat, his bangs obscuring his eyes as he mumbled: "Please... no more tests... please..."

Nora was still on that hill, looking left and right, searching. She was getting further and further away. He gave one last attempt at escape, but it did him no good. They only laughed at him, calling him names.

"Hurry up!" Lady Une barked at them, crossing her arms over her chest. "Get him out of the hangar!"

He jerked his head up to look at her, a desperate plea in his eyes. "Please! No! They raped me! Let me go! Please! They'll do it again! Can't you see?! Please! Please..."

His words only made her angry. She slapped him hard and then spat in his face. "Private Barton! Get the prisoner back to his cell!"

"Trowa- no!" He screamed, his voice anxious as he noted that the green hill was so terribly far away. He could barely see Nora anymore.

"We'll continue the tests tomorrow. Tell the scientists to prepare the Mercurious."

"No! Please no... Nora- help me! Help me!! Nora!!!!"

The iron hands gave him a finally yank and threw him into the cell.

It was dark. He couldn't see and he couldn't hear. He wasn't sure if he had a body anymore, until his legs were thrown up in the air and forced painfully open. He closed his eyes tight and screamed:

"MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Heero awoke with a jerk. Someone was shaking him, holding him by his upper arms. For a moment, he panicked. He was naked and someone was by his side, also naked. Tears of helplessness filled his eyes. He lifted his arms to fight off the unknown attacker, but the rapist wouldn't let go!

"No! No! Let me go! Don't touch me! Let me go!!!" He screamed, trashing wildly on the bed. He will not give in so easily! As long as he had the strength to fight- he will not give in! He kicked and he punched, doing his best to get away from the man by his side. The man, however, refused to let go. He was shaking him forcefully, as if trying to wake him.

"Heero! Heero! Look at me! Heero!" Duo's anxious voice slowly sipped into his consciousness.

Heero gasped, his eyes darting up to meet the worried purple orbs above him. He stilled, his body slumping heavily into the mattress. His features were pale with confusion and shock. He shifted his gaze from side to side, trying to recall where he was. Tears began to flood his eyes as realization slowly returned. He was home. He was with Duo. He was safe with Duo. He was with Duo...

Propped on one elbow so he could look down at the boy beneath him, Duo watched as Heero slowly realized where he was. He lay silently by his side, the blanket sliding down to his naked waist. He reached a hand down to caress Heero's cheek, wiping away the stream of silvery tears. He took a faltering breath, trying to remain calm despite the vulnerable and frightened sight of his lover. He couldn't bear to see Heero like this. His heart ached because he knew that this was his entire fault. He never should have let Heero sleep with him. It was still too early. He knew it, and still he played along. He should never have done that.

Sighing sadly, Duo looked down at his lover, gently tousling his bangs. "Heero, look at me." He whispered softly. He held himself from flinching when a pair of frightened blue eyes turned to him. He swallowed, and reached to pet Heero's tender cheek.

"Do you regret what we just did?" He asked quietly, his tone careful.

It took Heero a few long moments, at which he merely stared dumbly at Duo, before he slowly shook his head.

Duo was unconvinced. Leaning closer to Heero, he looked him straight in the eyes and whispered harshly. "Did I hurt you in any way?"

"No... no... I wanted it... I did..." Heero mumbled in a small voice, still suffocated with tears. He shook his head against the pillow, looking up at Duo with shimmering eyes. "I'm the one who... who started it... I wanted it... I did..."

"Heero, are you sure?" Duo asked, nearly crying. The boy seemed so confused that he found it difficult to be assured. "God, Hee-chan, the last thing I EVER want is to hurt you."

"I know... I know..." Heero murmured, turning his head aside. He sighed deeply, staring ahead at nothing. "I... I don't think it had anything to do with the rape..."

Duo frowned, confused. He lay down again and scooped Heero into his arms. He wrapped his arms around the boy's slim body, pressing him closer to his chest. Heero laid his head under his shoulder, close to his chest, and Duo bent down to kiss the top of his head. "Then what is it? What's wrong?"

Confused, Heero didn't know what to answer. He stared unfocusedly at the white sheets, trying to find the words to explain it to Duo.

"It's just that... there's... there's so much stuff in my head, Duo... so much... in my head, I... I can't... can't stop thinking about it... remembering..." He sighed, closing his eyes sadly. "I don't know..."

Fresh tears lingered onto his long eyelashes, his lips trembling in an attempt to stop the sobs from coming. He couldn't help it. He felt so small and helpless at the moment that he couldn't restrain his tears. He reached a shaking hand to hug Duo tightly. He buried himself in Duo's chest, pressing closer to him until he felt that they were one again. He didn't even have to ask, Duo knew that all he wanted was to be held. Warm arms held him tightly, soft fingers playing with his hair. They lay together, limbs entwined, letting time tick by slowly. Heero couldn't be more grateful for the love and warmth that surrounded him at the moment.

* * *

"I brought you some soup." Heero mumbled solemnly as he placed a small tray on Nora's nightstand. He then turned to carefully sit down at the edge of her bed, sighing deeply before facing her. The woman was lying slumped against a small mountain of pillows, looking terribly pale and exhausted. There were black bags under her eyes and her lips were parched. Her long brown hair lay spread over the pillow, a few messy hairs falling over her face. Heero reached a gentle hand to wipe them away, his eyes shining sadly.

"Please eat." he said softly, his blue eyes pleading with her, "You haven't eaten in days."

"I'm not hungry, Heero." she muttered, shaking her head tiredly, "I'm too nauseous to eat..."

Heero sighed. "You have to eat something, Nora." He insisted, turning to take the small bowl of soup. He placed it in his lap and dipped the spoon in. He carefully served it to Nora's lips. His eyes begged her to open her mouth. With a long sigh, Nora sipped the soup and then slumped back into her pillow. Her blue eyes gazed blindly ahead as he fed her patiently, not saying anything even when she spilled some soup over her nightgown. He simply wiped the fluid off her chin with his sleeve and fed her some more. The room was silent as he served the spoon to her lips, feeding her at least half a bowl.

"Please, Heero. No more." Nora whispered hoarsely, gesturing with her hand to emphasize her words. "I can't eat anymore."

Heero nodded in understanding and placed the bowl back on the nightstand. He continued to sit on the bed, his hands in his lap and his gaze at the floor. A heavy silence fell over the small bedroom, so heavy that it was hard to bear. Nora lay quietly on the bed, her gaze thoughtful. She was listening carefully to the sound of Heero's breathing, trying to detect if anything was wrong. He was so silent, he didn't even more. There were no rustling sheets to indicate any movement. The slow rhythm of his breath and the way he sat heavily on the matters brought her to one conclusion. Something was bothering him. He was very upset, and frankly, she couldn't blame him.

"Heero, what's wrong?" She asked, trying to make her tone lighter, softer. She could hear him sigh heavily, and by the small shifting of the mattress she figured that he must have shrugged or something.

"It's nothing, Nora. I... it's nothing."

That was not the answer she wanted to hear. She forced herself up, dragging herself over the pillows so she could more or less sit. She reached forward, searching for his hand. Since she didn't find it, she settled for placing her palm on his forearm. "Heero, if something is bothering you, I'd like to hear about it."

Still he kept silent.

Nora sighed, shaking her head. "If you are worried about me, then don't be. I'll be fine in a few days."

"That's not it..." He mumbled, and then stopped himself. "I mean, I am worried about you, but... but that's not why I'm..." He slowly trailed off, burying his face in his hands. "Forget it."

Nora heaved a long, irritated, sigh. "Heero, what's been bothering you?" She repeated, her tone harsher than before. He was appealing to her stubborn side now, and he should know well by now that it should not be messed with.

Heero sighed as well, his eyes fixed at the floor as he placed both hands over his lap. His gaze was numb as his voice when he finally mumbled: "I... I've been wanting to... to speak to you, about... about something."

"What about?" She inquired, reaching up to tousle his hair briefly, offering a small comfort.

Heero shifted uncomfortably on the bed, struggling to find the right words. "I... I... I've been having these strange dreams lately, and..." He paused, afraid to continue.

"What dreams?" she asked worriedly, "Did your nightmares return?"

Heero shook his head, his gaze still at the floor. "No. Not exactly." He whispered, and then sighed, running a hand through his bangs as he pushed them backwards. "They are very disturbing, but... they're not the same as before."

"What do you mean?" Nora asked, confused.

Taking a deep, faltering breath, Heero turned to face her. His expression was dreadfully serious as he spoke. "Lately I've been... I've been dreaming about your family, Nora. I've been dreaming about... about Hikari."

Nora visibly stilled at his words, frozen in her spot. She swallowed hard, and cast her gaze down. "I see." She mumbled, reaching a hand to wipe a few chunks of long hair out of her eyes.

Heero berated himself for bringing up the subject. She was feeling bad as it is, why make it worse?

"I'm sorry. You probably don't want to talk about it." He mumbled, turning away. "You should get some sleep." He added solemnly and prepared to rise off the bed.

"No." Nora stopped him, reaching for his hand. She held it tight, raising her head up to 'look' at him with a serious and sharp gaze. Her blue eyes were so intense; it was hard to believe that she was blind. Heero swallowed and slowly sat down.

"I do want to hear about it." She said earnestly, squeezing his hand tighter. "Never dare to think that I don't want to hear what you have to say, Heero." She spoke harshly, trying to convince him with all her willpower. Her eyes somehow found his, and her blind gaze paralyzed him.

"What do you dream about, Heero?" she asked slowly, as if speaking to a child, "Tell me."

"I don't know..." Heero mumbled, shaking his head slowly. He sat down by her side, leaning against the pillows. He didn't turn to face her, though, when he finally spoke. His gaze was fixed on his fidgeting hands, his slim fingers playing with the sheets.

"I could never bring myself to remember my past. I lost every recollection of what I experienced before my training." He began quietly, struggling to say every word. "As a child, I simply accepted the fact that I had nowhere to go, no place to return to. I had nothing, and yet I always had the feeling that there was something out there. I spent hours looking out various windows, as if the answer would somehow come to me."

"And now it did?" Nora asked softly, placing a hand over his.

Heero nodded slowly. "I'm... I'm almost sure that I remember." He confessed quietly, an uncomfortable feeling taking over him. "I think that my dreams are trying to tell me something."

There was a moment of silence as Nora slowly absorbed his words. She then turned to face him. "What do you dream about?"

He sighed, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. His fingers were still fidgeting as he spoke. "I dream about a park, mostly. A big green park, in some colony. It's a familiar place and I feel happy when I see it."

"And you've never dreamed about that park before?"

He paused to think for a moment, until he finally mumbled, "I... I think I did. But not as frequently as I do now."

"What else?" She asked, her fingers tightening around his palm.

"I dream about fire, and fear and smoke. I see people in my dreams, people which I'm sure I know, which I love, but then when I wake up it makes no sense."

Nora nodded, her expression grave for some reason. "Do you suppose it's because of what I told you about Hikari?"

Heero shrugged helplessly and then shook his head. "No." he said, his heart beating faster, "It's not that, because... because in my dream I know that I am Hikari."

Nora smiled sadly. "It's a very nice idea, Heero." she whispered, bowing her head sadly, "And I would have loved it if it was true." Inhaling deeply, she turned to face him. Her voice faltered with tears as she spoke. "But it can't be. I buried both my husband and my son. I ran my own hands over their burnt bodies. I covered their graves with dirt and ran my fingers over their tombstone. They were... they're dead, Heero. They died a long time ago."

Dejected and embarrassed, Heero sighed. He forced himself to chuckle, though his eyes glinted with tears. "It's a silly thought, I admit." He mumbled, his voice small and sheepish, "Absurd, even." he continued, feeling stupid for even considering the idea. He turned to face her, his blue eyes flooded with tears. Nevertheless, he smiled. "Though I wish badly that it was true."

Nora smiled back. "So do I, Heero." She whispered lovingly, tapping on his hand. "You are a very special person to me. I love you, and I want you to know that." she said, taking hold of his hand and squeezing it tight. "I know that you are not very fond of this 'mushy' talk, but... well, I think that even you need to hear it from time to time."

Heero chuckled/sobbed, and then sniffled. Nora leaned forward and gathered him into a tight hug. She leaned her head on his shoulder, feeling his warm arms wrap around her. She guided his head to rest on her shoulder as well, her fingers stroking the soft brown strings like a mother soothing a child after a nightmare. Her blind blue eyes were also flooded with tears, and she buried her face in his neck, trying to hold back to sobs.

"I love you dearly, Heero. I want you to always remember that. Always." She whispered into his neck, holding him tighter. She could feel his arms squeeze back.

"I... I love you too, Nora." He whispered, his voice faltering and heavy with tears.

They remained locked in their embrace for a while longer, until both of them calmed. Heero sniffled once, and then got up, finally breaking off the embrace. His cheeks were damp with tears, but he smiled down at her nonetheless. She was also smiling shyly, a few tears still sliding down her pale cheeks. She looked terribly tired, he decided. With a heavy heart, he rose off the bed.

"You should get some sleep." He said hoarsely, his throat dry from crying. He raised the blanket so she could lie down. Nora nodded silently and he helped her lie down again. He pulled the blanket up to her neck, tucking her well under the soft quilt. Nora chuckled bitterly.

"It seems that the tables have turned." She commented, pulling one arm out of the blanket as she sunk her head deeper into the pillow. "I remember doing the same for you not so long ago."

Heero smiled sadly and reached for her hand, which rested on top of the blanket. "It was over a year ago." He informed her, his voice still heavy with emotions.

"Really?" she marveled, though her tone was sad, "So little time... it's just not enough..."

"Don't speak like that, Nora. It's not like you." He said, bending down so he could caress her cheek. He kissed her forehead lightly, his eyes shining. "Try to get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning." He whispered gently, slowly rising up. "I'm going to stay the night, so if you need anything, just call for me."

He picked up the tray from the nightstand and prepared to leave.

"Heero," Nora called after him, and he slowly turned around to face her.

"Yes?"

She smiled, a small knowing smile, and her blue eyes shone with some strange gleam. It was a sad glint, and yet it also seemed happy. Heero swallowed and took a step back towards the bed. "What is it, Nora?"

Her smiled widened, and she shook her head. "Nothing, Heero. Goodnight."

Confused, Heero nodded and mumbled a small "Goodnight" in return. He left the room and closed the door, leaving it half open. He spent the rest of the evening cleaning the kitchen and tending the rest of the apartment. He made a small trip up to his own place to shower and change. He called Duo to wish him goodnight and then returned to Nora's apartment. After checking up on her, he went to the bookshelf in the living room and took the old photograph out of the book. He looked at it for hours, until he fell asleep on the sofa, holding the old family photo.

When he came to wake Nora in the morning, she didn't wake up.

Part 5

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