Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Binding You to Me ❯ One-Shot

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

The shackles lay in a tangled, discarded heap against the far wall, fresh blood dappling the dull gray metal in a random, arresting pattern that was speckled with the startling white of fallen plaster. The ragged ends of the broken links glinted in the harsh glare of the overhead lights, transforming the morbid display into something very nearly beautiful. Duo blinked burning, watering eyes, staring hard at the macabre display, the stark evidence of his latest, greatest sin. A shudder crept over pale skin as he remembered the sound the first chain had made when it snapped, somewhere between the retort of a pistol and the twinge of breaking bone yet infinitely more savage than either. It echoed in his mind, driving away whatever rational thought remained beneath the shock of the night's disaster. He'd never known betrayal could be encompassed by a noise, by a single frozen note that shook the soul.

The hiss of the shower in the adjoining room cut off abruptly and the sudden silence made his body jump in empty reflex, hands fisting in his lap. He knew what was coming and it took real physical effort not to leap to his feet and run, simply bolt for the open window that taunted him with a view of golden moonlight and dancing leaves. But Heero had bid him to sit with a single word and impatient wave and sit he would. That alone was a huge penance that tore at his instincts, making the eager muscles of his thigh twitch and jerk beneath the pare, goose pimple flesh...running and hiding was what he did best, after all. Yet sit he had been told and that small obedience was the least of what he owed.

The door behind him swung open hard enough to bounce back against the wall and he tensed at the wet slap of feet on hardwood as Heero moved past him and to the oaken four post bed that took up the greater part of the room. The braided boy kept his eyes resolutely ahead, not wanting to see the marks, the skin rubbed raw at wrists and ankles. That small defiance was ripped away without ceremony as Heero took a sit at the edge of the mattress just before Duo, leaning forward to rest elbows on knees and waiting silently. The moment their eyes met had the painful intensity of sex or death and Duo moaned thickly in the back of his throat, words he hadn't yet meant to utter pouring forth. He'd thought to let Heero speak first, purge honestly the poisons in his system before clouding the matter with the inevitable flow of justifications. It appeared his mouth had a vastly different idea on how to proceed.

"I didn't...I only wanted...Heero, I just wanted you to see! Please don't be upset, don't be hurt, I was..."

The rich blue eyes only reflected a deep weariness, no compassion or mercy as the ranting drifted over them and Duo stuttered to a halt, gnawing on his lower lip until the copper taste of blood filled his mouth with its heavy, vaguely pleasant flavor. "You tried me to a bed!" Heero's voice was stripped of its usual hard dignity and power, reduced to an almost pouting, whining child's tone. "You tied me to a bed and raped me. Do you understand that?"

A frantic high noise that barely sounded human escaped Duo's chest and he lurched forward, grasping for golden skinned hands that lay and unresponsive in his grasp. His braid bounced heavily against his back as he shook his head in denial of the terrible accusation. "No, no, I just wanted to show you...I didn't mean...you liked it, I know you did!"

The evidence was gone now, washed away by water Duo felt sure had been blazing hot and stinging hard, but he knew his words were truth. For a few precious moments when the plan had moved perfectly, every tiny detail just as he'd dreamed, Heero had strained against him not in struggle but in passion, gasps falling from eager, part lips. It wasn't until after their mutual pleasure had crested and broken that Heero's eyes had widened and his sudden fight done the impossible and torn asunder links of pure gundamian. But Heero HAD liked it, had begged for it wordlessly with fumbling hands and legs that wound around Duo's waist and he wouldn't allow that small fact to be ignored. He'd gone about things wrong, terribly wrong...but rape?

But now the cold hands were moving, lifting away from his own as Heero rose on unsteady legs and stood blazing with life and angry energy. "Of course I did! I've never done anything like that before! Not anything close. But I said no. Don't you under, you bastard? I said no!"

Miserably the American nodded. Yes, he understood. He'd never had a problem understanding such basic laws of respect. He'd just been too busy listening to Heero's body to pay attention to Heero's words. He knew that no meant no...his mistake had been falling into the belief that his partner didn't. And even now his alien body couldn't help but respond to the sight before him, thrilling at the sight of a glorious, raging Heero. Even the stumbling rhythm of his next words was a bitter balm, enthralling for the hint of vulnerability the stutter revealed. This was all that Duo had wanted, after all, this raw unbridled emotion.

"I wanted...it was just another order, Duo. I'm tired of taking orders. You wanted to take away my control when I never had enough to begin with. I wanted someone to wait for m...I thought you could see I was trying."

"I've waited five fucking years!" Duo was on his feet without remembering leaving his chair, pacing back and forth with quick sharp strides that never carried him more than three steps to either side. "Five years of watching you fall more into yourself each day, hiding in this damn room like you wanted to rot here. You left me alone in every way that counted, Heero! I've been more than patient but who can wait forever?"

Excuses said and done Duo fell instead to panting, thin chest heaving after the exertion of shouting so loudly and harshly. The perfect view of hindsight now upon him, he knew excuses were all the angry words truly were. He'd sought trust or so he'd told himself, pretending to have forgotten that such a gift couldn't be merely taken. No, his reasons weren't half so noble as earning trust or faith or showing Heero anything but pain. Fear had driven him, fear and desperation. He'd felt the distance stretching out between them as the months went by, the gap yawning into a chasm he'd despaired of ever bridging. He hated being alone, left inside the screaming madness of his own head. None of them had come through the war unmarred and healthy...he just hide his scars better than the others, convincing even himself that was all was well in his little world. But alone the fear would come, the screaming, and now the darkness inside of him had slammed forward to engulf his Heero as well.

"You're right," the other man said, breaking the swirl of thoughts, and Duo's mouth gaped, jaw hanging. Even he knew his defensive rantings weren't right! But Heero's tone was soft and serious, broken in a way that was hard to describe. "You can't be expected to wait forever. I'm sorry. Maybe I'll never be ready on my own...but that's the only way it can count. It has to be real."

Eagerly Duo nodded, grasping hard at the absolution he could sense just out of reach. "I know that now. We'll go slow as you need, whatever you need! I swear. I'm so, so sorry..."

But his Heero had faded to the solider he had once been, fading before his eyes to a hardened shell of training and duty. The flat gaze was pitiless and deep as the ocean, mocking in its blank tranquility. "No. This is a lie and I know you hate lying. I can't be what you need. I see that now...it's over."



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Hours later and alone, shaking with a chill that wouldn't fade, the beauty of the fractured shackles brought tears to the eyes of the boy that didn't cry.