Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Bleeding Heart ❯ Chapter II ( Chapter 2 )

Part II

I had never in my life seen her angry, not once. She looked vicious with her eyebrows drawn together, her veins jutting from her forehead, and she certainly didn't look like the woman I had been raised by.

She stepped to the side and pointed into the apartment, "Get in!"

Her voice was filled with venom and I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the rest of what she had to say.

"Where the hell have you been, Duo Maxwell?!"

I backed up in the direction of my room, trying not to look her in the face, "Out," I said feebly.

"No shit! Where were you out to? I've been waiting for you for four hours!"

That struck me as odd. Why would she be back from her date with Brett so soon? "A friend's house." Not the exact truth, but not an outright lie either.

"Don't lie to me, Duo, who is she? Who have you been screwing, huh?"

My mouth fell open when she said that. Why the hell would she say something like that about me? "No one! I haven't been screwing anyone, mother! How could you assume that? Just because I wasn't home doesn't mean I was at some cheap motel having sex!" The more she looked at me with that unadulterated animosity in her eyes, the more I wanted to flee from the room and let out the tears that were welling up inside of me, burning the center of my chest, making my lungs labor for another breath.

She turned her back into me, shaking her head, "What else am I supposed to think? I can't think of any other reason you would have to sneak out of this house behind my back." She turned to face me again, her eyes were watering now and I could see the vein pulsing in her neck, ready to burst any moment.

"Maybe you should think harder then! Then you might realize that I just wanted to have a friend without you interfering! Without you jumping down my throat about how they'll betray me, how I have poor taste in friends, or you criticizing them behind my back and scaring them away from me! I wanted to be myself around someone for a change! Not only that, I needed company when you weren't around...while you're still not around. It's like I'm only second-best in your life now, when you were always first in mine. You're gone every minute of every day with your work, and Brett..." I couldn't stop myself from crying then, two shining droplets streamed down my cheek. I had never seen her look at me that way, it hurt. I can't even put the pain in words it hurt so much.

"You listen to me right now! You are my son! I raised you! If I don't like your friends, I have every goddamn right to make it known! You have no idea how hard it is to come by genuine people do you, Duo? I've tried my whole life! There is no such thing as a real friend or even a real lover! I just don't want you to get hurt, can't you understand that? Why are you so goddamn ungrateful?" The speech had started out loud and uncharacteristically resentful, but by the end she just sounded tired and weak. She collapsed on the sofa, her face buried in her hands with frustration. She looked like she was about to have a massive breakdown, her body quaking, her sharp pulls of breath.

I needed a reason, a reason why she was so mad. Why hadn't she simply sat down and calmly talked to me about it like she always did when I had done something less than obedient? I walked slowly to where she sat, still afraid she would suddenly lash out at me, but all she did was raise her head and whisper, "Please, don't....just go to your room...leave me alone."

Her words reverberated in my ears, echoing endlessly. I ran to my room, slammed the door, and collapsed on my bed, pushing my tired face into my pillow, soaking it with my sorrow. The vision of my mom's mascara streaked face and her disheveled hair imprinted on the forefront of my vision. She had yelled at me, made a disgusting slur about me, and told me to go away all within the span of 15 minutes. My eyes felt bloodshot and my mouth and cheeks were numb as I sat up, my eyes raking over the portrait of me that my mom had painted, a tiny message scribbled on the bottom, "I love you my darling boy, your mother, Helen."

The words blurred in and out of sight as more tears made their sad journey down the curves of my cheeks. I stared at the inscribed sentiment, and decided that I should just go to sleep, then I would wake up the next morning and the whole incident would have been a dream...I didn't know how wrong I was.

~*~*~

The next morning came too fast, the sun shone through the small window in my room, irritating my eyes when they opened. I got up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, stretching my arms above my head, as was a constant habit. I trudged to my dresser to get a shirt to wear, but I realized that I was still in the same clothes I was wearing the night before. A cold, closed feeling filled my throat. Last night. My mother.

I could already feel more tears rising, but I pushed them back. I wouldn't cry anymore. I wouldn't cry to anyone, not even myself. I was so sick of crying after so much of it in my life. When my dad left, when my dog died, when my grandma moved away from califronia, and last night. It might not seem like much to the average person, but it was too much to me. I hate crying, hate the way it makes me feel. "Boys. Don't. Cry." I said to myself forcefully.

I moved to open my door and go to the kitchen like I did every morning. My hand paused at the doorknob. Was it safe to go out there and expose myself to her again, or should I just lock myself in here until she got over whatever it was that was bothering her?

I made my decision and turned the knob. When I reached the kitchen, there was my mother, reading the newspaper, drinking her coffee like she does everyday. She looked up at me, her beautiful face marred with a mixture of hatred and sadness, "Do you want eggs?" she asked.

"No, I'm not hungry. I just wanted something to drink." I opened the refrigerator and grabbed the grape juice.

"Oh, okay. I didn't feel like cooking anyway." She got up and walked out of the kitchen and into her room, shutting the door.

I sighed and put the grape juice back in the fridge, not even pouring any.

~*~*~

The day had passed considerably and I sat there, huddled up on the window seat in the living room, doing nothing. If someone had visited the house, they might have thought me dead- the way I was staring out the window, my eyes glazed over. I was sitting dead still, afraid the slightest movement would attract my mother's attention from where she was occupied on the plush, black sofa. But then she spoke to me, "Duo?" she asked, and I didn't detect a trace of malice in her voice. She just sounded tired.

I turned slowly to meet her face, "Yes mother?"

"Why are you just sitting there? Are you okay?"

I wanted to be smart-mouthed and ask her if I looked like I was okay, and did she think I would be okay after the crap she pulled yesterday, but her face was full of nothing but concern and I couldn't bring myself to do it, "Yeah, I'm fine, just tired. I didn't sleep well last night." I lied

"Oh." she sounded dissapointed, like she wanted to help me with my problems.

"So...are you going out tonight?" After I said it, I felt like slapping myself. That was obviously the wrong question because I saw the kindness die and the hatred rekindle itself behind her eyes.

"No, Brett has something he has to do. He doesn't have time for things like going out with the woman he's supposed to love tonight." she said stiffly.

"Oh, you mean, he has to work late?" I couldn't help it. I was curious as to why my mom was acting so strangely lately.

"That's what he said, but do you really think I believe that bull?" she almost yelled.

"Oh...I'm sorry. I'll just go take a walk or something..." I wanted to go see Quatre. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted to tell him everything. I just hoped my mother would let me leave after what happened.

"Why, so you can go see your friend? What if I don't want you to leave this house?"

"I guess I'll just have to stay then..." I slumped my shoulders and started back to my room with a loud sigh.

"Wait. You can go, Duo. I'm sorry. Just be back before midnight, wherever the hell you're going." she said with a defeated attitude.

I nodded, "I will." I approached her and placed a kiss on her cheek before opening the door and closing it softly behind myself.

*TBC*