Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Blood Bonds ❯ The Little Girl and Her Dog, and Fleeing From the Pain ( Chapter 20 )

Blood Bonds

By Tygerlilee

Chapter Twenty

The Little Girl and Her Dog, and Fleeing From the Pain.

*Disclaimer: Please don't sue me. I don't own GW and I don't pretend to!

Heero stood in the pregnant stillness of night, a detonator in hand. He had a mission and he would carry it out...

He pushed the red button atop the small metal device and a tall cinderblock building erupted into flames.

"Mission complete." He had done it.

Suddenly, a mobile suit began to sway. It overbalanced and then tipped, falling to the side, crushing an obstructing building.

Heero's heart broke as he watched the building smash and burn, crumpling like paper, a paper tower.

NOOOOOO!!!, his mind screamed, that wasn't supposed to happen!!

He stood there, frozen for a moment, staring up in disbelief, his hand trembling as it griped the flower the little girl with the dog named Mary had given him earlier. His eyes were wide and it seemed that his heart had jumped into them. He could hear silent screams, cries of pain and loss echoing softly from the building--but they were merely in his mind, shades of reality. They were cries made in his own heart for no one to hear or care.

He walked slowly and steadily across the compound, kicking up rock here and there. After heaving up a piece of wall insulation, Heero sunk down to the ground, falling on his skinny legs, his heart beating heavily in his stomach.

It was the dog, that little dog. Visions of the cheerful little girl taking her dog Mary for a walk flashed through is mind's eye. He saw her smiling at him, asking about him. He held the flower she had given him.

That little girl and her dog. She had wondered if he was lost. She said that it was sad he had been lost ever since he had been born. She seemed to care, though she skipped on to her happy little world.

That little girl and her dog. They didn't deserve to die. They didn't have to. They were so happy and carefree. Why couldn't he have died in her place, end his miserable existence.

That little girl and her dog. They were dead because of him. It had been an accident, but there was no room for mistakes. It was his fault, all his fault. They died unnecessarily because of HIM.

His mind swirled. He was lost and confused and hurting. He couldn't understand why he had to kill...why him...why not someone else...why anyone at all…why was this necessary…. All he could do was numbly carry the dog to a clearing and bury it, leaving the flower on its tiny grave, a mound of dirt...he sat down on the hard frozen ground, soft ice flakes swirling around him. He rested his hand on the flower once more, as if bidding it goodbye... something cold and wet nudged him from underneath the wilting flower...the dog's nose?...but she was dead...his fault…dead…his fault…wet…life…death…war…peace…pa in… hurt…love…

Heero shot up from his position under a tree in the school's court yard and looked down to see a golden retriever nudging him with his cold nose, snow flakes swirling round him. The hyperactive dog climbed onto his lap in order to reach Heero's cheek and lick him enthusiastically.

"Valcor," Heero said softly as he stroked the animal's head, rubbing him behind the ears. "Are you running from Etrea again?" he asked to bouncy dog.

"VALCOR!! YOU STUPID MUTT!!! GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!" Etrea screamed at the top of her lungs from rounding the corner, puffs of her breath condensed to form little clouds.

Heero smirked down at the dog.

"VALCOR!! VAL....Heero? Or is it Huy this time?" Etrea asked, head cocked and hands slipping off of her padded hips--winter coats make it difficult to stand with ones hands on ones hips.

"Heero," he said softly.

"He really does love you, ya' know that? He always seems to run to you. Strange how that works," Etrea speculated as she walked over and collapsed heavily on the snowy ground, a large puff dissolving into the slight breeze. Her face was red with cold and laughter, eyes sparkling as usual.

Heero shrugged and stood up to leave, giving to hyperactive dog one final pat. "Not really. They sense who their friends are and they go to them…I'm not necessarily a friend, but I won't hurt him," Heero said over his shoulder.

Etrea wondered for a second why Heero would even think of hurting the animal, but she did not voice her thoughts. "Heero, where are you going?" she said instead, stopping him before he walked away.

"I have an essay to write."

"Oh. The one for Miss Kiloah?" Heero nodded. "Yah, I have to write it too..."

"Heero!! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Huy yelled, out of breath.

Heero realized with a start how long he had been out and that Huy must have been worried about him after his strange behavior as of late.

Valcor lowered himself to the soft surface, and growled, his haunches raised. Huy looked down at the dog nervously and said, "Come on Heero. I--um--need your help with something."

"With what something?"

"Oh, just something," he said eyeing the dog. Valcor suddenly snapped up and attached himself to Huy's pant leg.

"Ger'off you stupid dog!!" Etrea yelled, laughing without restraint. She grabbed the leash and yanked back fiercely, thus dislodging the dog.

"Doesn't like you much," Heero observed in a slight mocking tone.

Huy glared at the dog and grabbed Heero's arm. "As I was saying, I need help!" He stomped off, holding onto Heero's forearm securely, down the street and toward the boys' dorms.

Etrea smiled at Heero's retreating back as she wrestled with the energetic animal.

"I dunno what's up with that dog...he used to like me, but now...he just growls and snaps at me!"

"Maybe you smell funny."

Huy shrugged. "Who knows, but I do shower often."

"I take it you were just worried that I'd collapsed somewhere and don't really need anything," Heero said softly.

Huy smiled guiltily. "What were you doing there anyway?"

"Just thinking. I was trying to figure out what I should write for Miss Kiloah, actually."

Huy raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? Did you figure anything out?"

"Sort of..." Heero trailed off, his eyes unfocused in a slightly dreamy but serious expression.

Huy's eyebrow raised higher. "You okay?"

Heero snapped back to the present. "Yes," he declared shortly.

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"You sure your gonna be okay without me 'round to make sure to eat and sleep and don't faint where no on will find you?" Huy asked, cramming his English book into the large black duffel bag that he was taking to Earth. This year, the colony's delegates wanted to have some interaction between teenagers of the Earth and colonies. This was one of there ideas-they picked a high school close to a spaceport in the vicinity of the Earth below the colony for them to go to. Huy was jumping around the school half the time, he was so excited. He had never been to Earth before and he had gotten a B on his first essay in Miss Kiloah's class-he had written about the Abominable Snowman.

"I'll be fine. I'm not a baby and I can take care of myself. I did it for years before I met you," Heero said firmly.

"I don't know. You've been looking awfully peaked lately," Huy said dubiously.

"Don't worry about me. If it'll make you feel any better, I plan to stay in populated areas."

Huy smiled brightly. "You will!" Heero nodded. "You promise?!?"

"Don't push me."

"Okay, okay..."

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Heero rolled over in bed and climbed out sluggishly. Saturdays were always so lazy. Usually Heero and Huy goofed off with the other guys at a movie, the mall, or some other place, but he really wasn't feeling up to it and Huy wasn't here to push him. He had been so reclusive previous to his arrival at Lowery that Huy insisted on dragging him everywhere.

Huy should be arriving about now, Heero thought to himself, looking out the window to see what kind of day the weather control had on the schedule.

He yawned quietly and bundled up a change of clothes, a towel, soap, shampoo, toothbrush, and some toothpaste and headed for the bathroom.

Heero opened one of the shower stalls, put his stuff on the bench, undressed, and climbed into the shower letting the warm water cascade down over him. He scrubbed himself vigorously, but had to be carefully with the long bruise across his chest. He had got it over a month ago, but it was still large and painful-it had never taken this long for him to heal, especially something as small as a bruise.

It had happened when he got dizzy and dropped the barbell on himself while Huy, the wonder spot, was daydreaming. He hadn't told anyone, but it *really* hurt and it wasn't getting any better.

Heero got out of the shower, dressed, went over to a sink to brush his teeth. It was still only seven or so, and no one got up that early on a Saturday so the bathroom was still void of all except himself. He had been sleeping later, but he was getting behind on school work and since Huy wasn't here to sit on him when he didn't go to bed or got up to early, he was going to make the most of his time.

Heero went back to the room, put on his shoes and socks, loaded up his back pack, and took a white worn box held shut with rubber bands out from under his bed. He had a little errand to take care of before he could go to the library.

As he walked down the sidewalk, he kicked up a random rock or nodded at a stranger. Eventually he entered the inner city, eyes alert and searching.

Down an ally, a stream of people huddled together in rags crouched over small fires inside of large metal oil drums. Heero hesitantly approached the small circles; a particularly dirty woman glared at him from under her matted hair. Heero felt wretched for his clean, sturdy clothes and shamefacedly continued down the street toward the waste disposal area at the end of the alleys. Heero quietly climbed over a chain-linked fence and advanced to one of the large disposal tanks. When Heero reached the tank the farthest away from prying eyes, he grabbed onto the iron ladder and pulled himself up on top of the tank. He fiddled with the keypad until he managed to pry open a small opening in the top. The smell of raw sewage nearly knocked him down. The tank was full as it was about to be shipped off and disposed of.

Heero set the cardboard box down on the semi-flat surface and pulled the rubber bands from his box. He took off the lid and then, one by one, he dropped each item that was in the box down into the sewage tank so that they would be lost forever.

Heero smirked at the irony of the situation…his pointless, murderous, horrible, dirty past lost into tons of human waste….

After twenty minutes, Heero turned away, climbed down the ladder, jumped the fence, and strode off quietly, heading off to the city's public library down the street that he had discovered his first day here-it was a much better one that the schools.

For the first time in several days, however, his head wasn't hurting.

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Huy climbed out of the shower and quickly dried himself, beating everyone else out of the locker room. They had just played their first game against a local high school winning with a safe margin-36 to 28. Huy knew that he was supposed to wait for the rest of the team, but he wanted to wander around.

He left the building and changed his mind about skipping out after seeing his coach and one of the managers standing by the bus. Slumping down onto a near bench, Huy pulled his knees up to his chest and silently plotted how to get out on his own without punishment. He wanted to explore the place, but all the stupid adults were restricting them.

Eventually, everyone else finished showering and dressing and ambled onto the bus, their minds sluggish from the quick adrenaline rush followed by the lack thereof. Huy plopped into a seat sulkily, glaring at the back of the seat in front of him. He didn't want to stay in the hotel all night, they were the same everywhere-he wanted to see EARTH.

"Whassamatter with you?" Jimbo asked as he heavily plunked down next to his disgruntled friend.

"What makes you say something's wrong?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe it has something to do with the fact that you are glaring daggers at a vinyl seat."

Huy grumbled under his breath about "missing perfect opportunity" and "stupid rules" the rest of the way to the hotel.

Huy tossed and turned in his double bed, Jimbo's snores could be heard from the other bed. He couldn't sleep and the rattling air conditioner was driving him insane. Off and on, off and on, off and on...first freezing and he'd wrap himself up tight, the he would start sweating like a pig...back and forth...

Finally he sat up, giving up the fight for sleep, and slinked out of bed. He dressed silently and slipped out of the room noiselessly, pocketing one of the two room keys.

He ran out onto the deserted street and breathed in a large whiff of polluted air, then hacked loudly, sputtering slightly. He turned around to look back at the hotel and noted on his watch that it was only midnight.

How on EARTH did we all get to bed so EARLY? Huy wondered just before sprinting down the lamp lighted street, crisp cool air penetrating his coat.

After wandering the streets for half an hour, Huy found an all-night convenience store and sat down to rest on a little wooden bench out front.

"Heero?" a soft, hoarse voice asked timidly.

Huy whirled around, memories of his last encounter with someone who thought him Heero in the front of his mind. "It's really you, ain't it?" the voice croaked. Huy could now see that it belonged to a short black-headed boy with a rather flat nose and a scar along his chin. The boy was timidly advancing, as if afraid to believe what he saw was true.

"No, I'm not Heero, but I know him," Huy to the boy.

"You're not, I mean, you look JUST like him, and..." he trailed off, apparently bewildered.

"We're not related. We both go to the same boarding school on one of the colonies. We're roomies, actually," Huy explained.

"Yah, he said he was probably going to be sent to a private boarding school. He was taking a bunch of tests when I left. What are you here for?"

"I play on the basketball team...we came here for a game," Huy told him. "Who'er you?"

"Huh?" the boy seemed startled for a minute. "Oh, yah..." he grinned stupidly. "I'm an old friend of Heero's. We-uh-went to school together..." he trailed off. "Anyway, my name is Donny Johnson."

"Huy Iwasato. Actually, Heero told me a little about your colony, but somehow I think he was down playing how bad it was there. He's been REALLY sick. He's collapsed twice!!"

"AGAIN!!" Donny yelled suddenly.

Huy jumped up. "You mean he was doing that on the old colony?!?"

"Well, not a lot, but he was REALLY, REALLY, REALLY sick for a while…. He was working his rear off, and then his apartment was closed down, so he had to move in with me until he found another one, which he couldn't do of course...then there was work and poor pay..."

"Heero was HOMELESS for a while? He never told me anything about that!!"

"I'm not surprised. He never told me much about himself either...not that that's surprising..."

"Why isn't it surprising?"

"Well, most war veterans are pretty screwed up aren't they?" Donny said this as if it were the most commonsensical thing in the world. "I am, so was Gadeth and Zoram."

Huy's mouth dropped nearly to the ground. "I knew it!" he said in a strange, excited, calm sort of whisper. "I KNEW IT!!" he yelled excitedly. "He wouldn't tell me straight out, but I knew it!!" He began to laugh uncontrollably.

"Uh, are you all right..." Donny asked, his eyebrows knit together, slightly perplexed.

"I'm sorry, but as I'm sure you know, getting Heero to talk about himself is harder that pulling your own teeth that aren't loose!! Now I can bug him and maybe I can get some straight answers outta him!"

"Why do you care so much what has happened to him?"

"You're his friend, you should understand why I care!!"

"Yah, and I also know that, as a war vet myself, people sometimes don't want to talk about their pasts because it's too painful and it's better to not think about it. And some don't talk 'cause no one listens. Besides, even if someone DOES listen, no one ever really understands...they say 'oh my GOSH, that's horrible,' but they don't get it. They don't understand what's really going on in your mind. Yah it's bad, but that ain't the POINT."

"What it the point?" Huy asked, very confused.

"THAT'S what I mean. You people don't get it...there is no POINT, that's the POINT."

Huy looked at him, completely and utterly lost.

Suddenly Donny broke the silence with his easy contagious laughter.

"What?" Huy demanded loudly.

"You have no IDEA how strange it is to see Heero confused," he sniggered.

Then Huy joined in laughing.

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Heero shouldered his heavy bag and waded through unshoveled snowdrifts toward his dorm. The library had just closed. He inserted his key and kicked the snow off of his shoes. Maybe it was the weather, but he was feeling extra grim today...

Shoving open his dorm door, Heero tossed his bag onto his bed.

"I met your friend Donny!" a very familiar voice chanted in a singsong voice. For some reason, that made Heero extremely nervous.

"Well, aren't you going to say something?"

Heero lied down flat on his bed, closing his eyes, shutting out the upside down face dangling from the bed above him.

"You're back," Heero stated.

"You were in the war..." Huy prompted as if Heero hadn't said anything. "Aren't you going to refute it or something?" Huy egged on.

"Why?"

"You're impossible!" Huy laughed.

Weird boy... Heero commented to himself before sitting up and pulling out his calculus book.

"AND I learned that you collapsed before on that other colony." Huy sat back, waiting to see the result of his words.

He didn't get one.

"I also found out that you were homeless."

"I was never 'homeless,' Huy. I moved in with Donny," Heero finally answered.

"He speaks!!!"

Heero glared and buried his face in the textbook.

Huy seemed to realize the futility of attempting to get Heero to talk because he muttered, "I'm going to take a shower..." before walking off sulkily.

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The next morning Heero was awoken at 2 a.m. by a moth fluttering in the hall by a nightlight. He had been having trouble sleeping now. First he couldn't get enough and would probably have slept through a bomb raid, and now a MOTH could wake him.

Heero rolled over on his stomach and immediately regretted it as a sharp pain shot up throughout his chest. Darn bruise...he inwardly muttered, pushing himself onto his back again.

After several hours of tossing from left side, back, right side and back again fifty times, he finally decided that sleep just wasn't going to come. He had counted millions of sheep, but they were not making him sleepy, just annoyed...their ceaseless maaing was driving him insane. Out of desperation, he pulled out his English book, grabbed a flashlight, and yanked the blankets over his head to read...

He must have fallen asleep finally because he awoke with his face stuck to his book in a small pool of saliva and Huy shaking him vigorously. "Get UP you lazy bum!" he could hear Huy's voice nagging in the back of his brain.

Too tired...too sleepy...too sore...wait! Why on earth was he sore? His muscles ached and throbbed. "Sorry...couldn't...sleep last night...let me sleep...a ...little...longer..." he managed to get out.

"Well, whose fault is that! GET UP NOW!!" Huy retorted.

He grunted as he finally jerked himself out of bed and got dressed, but had to stop halfway through when Huy informed him that he was attempting to put his legs through his shirt's arm holes...this was not going to be a good day.... Dragging himself to the bathroom, he brushed his teeth and splashed cold water on his face in an unsuccessful attempt to wake himself up. He could feel Huy handing him his backpack and dragging him down the hall, but he was in such a daze that he hardly noticed the cool February air that hit his face as they left the dorm building.

If someone had asked him what he had had for breakfast, he would have said 'nothing,' for indeed, that's what he had. But if someone had asked him if his food made a comfy pillow, he would have said 'yes, but so is the table top.'

All through the day Heero dragged himself at the pace of a turtle with a broken leg from class to class, hardly noticing when he bumped into people in the halls. Maybe that's why he just couldn't feel happy for Huy when Miss Kiloah announced that he had won some essay contest. It must have been a big deal because the class cheered and Huy looked as if he were about to cry. Heero wanted to congratulate him, maybe Huy would finally start to see his own worth, but Heero just couldn't wake up enough to make his mouth form the words.

After class, he and Huy trudged back to their dorm. "Hey Heero aren't you happy for me!!"

"Hmphgle..." was all Heero could force out.

Huy looked hurt, obviously interpreting Heero's response as that of indifference. "But I even wrote that one without your help!" Huy's voice was rising in pitch with each syllable. "Oh I get it. You're just mad because you didn't win. Well, sorry buddy but you can't always be the winner!" he almost shrieked, his voice cracking.

Heero wanted to tell him that of course he was proud, that now, maybe, Huy could stop degrading himself and see his own talent. He wanted to smile and say I told you so. He wanted to explain his reaction, but his larynx wouldn't articulate the words as Huy slammed out of the room.

Maybe if he hadn't been so extremely sleepy, he would have felt bad, but then again, if he wasn't so sleepy, he would have said something encouraging. The truth was, he couldn't even remember what the essay was about, but that wouldn't matter because all he had to do was say 'good job.' But he couldn't do it. He was too tired.

He wanted to sleep...yes...an eternal sleep sounded wonderful. He could crawl into bed and never get up...a long dreamless sleep void of crying children and bloody fields. In his sleep, he would no longer have to make choices, he wouldn't have to face the thousands of people living on the colony. He could hide up in his cocoon of soft blankets. Nothing would hurt. No pain, no sorrow, no death. He wanted to be free from the pain...to flee from the pain...an eternal sleep...sounds so...good.

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A/N Yah, I know, I crammed a lot of stuff into this chapter, but I have to get this thing moving...thanks for reading and questions/comments/and outbursts are welcome (please don't be to harsh with the outbursts part...)

Note: Yes, this story is going to get a bit angsty and complicated, but not too bad. As A.K.A. Anonymous said, I have a LOT of strings to pull together, and they will pull because I wrote from end to beginning (I figured out the ending before I planned the beginning, except the whole, 'kill of main character' thing-but that's been decided now too). Also, I'm planning around thirty chapters. I'm not certain, but it seems to be working out that way. I originally had more like thirty-five, but then I combined a bunch to have fewer, longer chapters.

Also, I know that Ai means love in Japanese. That's why I picked it for her name. That's great that you picked up on that!! I think that love pretty much wraps up Ai's character.

Thank you so much for your feed back. I can never tell you how important it is to me. I know that if people write back that I'm doing a good job. And if I do something wrong, I have lots of people to help me see it. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! YOU ARE ANGELS!!!

Tooldes for now, Tygerlilee =^,^=