Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Breaking Down ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Breaking Down

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue…

Song: “Here to Stay” Korn

Warnings: Character deaths, angst

AN: This just kinda came to me while walking and listening to the song. Guess I've been reading too much angst…^.^;;

Duo crouches in the bathroom that joins his room. Every part of his being wants to cry, unleash the hurt and anger that he feels, but he has no more tears to cry. He opens his clenched hand, reveling in the site of his own blood, caused by the razor that has bit into his palm.

Red. The color of blood, passion...and the rose that Heero gave to him on their third anniversary. He shoots up from the floor, glaring at the reflection he sees in the mirror.

”WHY!?" he yells at his reflection, slamming his fists onto the counter, squeezing his eyes shut as the answers flood his mind.

`You're too damn weak…you're a fuck up…worthless…how could he love someone like you…want someone like you…'

He lets out a scream of rage at the constant onslaught of his mind…the reasons why Heero left him…

This time, taking it away

I've got a problem, with me getting in the way,

Not by design”

Duo glances back up into the mirror, hating everything that he sees. He just can't take it anymore…it's too much. He slams his forehead into the mirror, reveling in the pain that momentarily takes over his mind.

So I take my face and bash it into a mirror.

I won't have to see the pain (pain, pain)

His mind clear for that one moment, all the emotions turn into a raging hatred. Towards himself, towards the world, but also towards the one who caused it all.

This state is elevating, as the hurt turns into hating.

Anticipating, all the fucked up feelings again.

Looking into the shattered mirror, a feral grin spreads across his lips. He turns from the broken image of himself and walks into the bedroom, relishing in the feel of not being in anguish.

The hurt inside is fading

This shit's gone way too far.

All this time I've been waiting

No I can not grieve anymore

For what's inside awaking.

I'm done, I'm not a whore

You've taken everything and oh I can not give anymore.

Sitting on the bed, he glances at the bloodied blade still in his hand and ponders what to do next. He lifts a hand to his face, wiping away the blood that has begun to trickle into his eyes.

`You know what you want to do…' a voice echoes inside his head.

“But I can't…” he whispers back.

`What do you have to lose?'

He grabs his head, willing the voice to go away, anything to make the voice go away…

My mind is done with this

Okay, I've got a question.

"Can I throw it all away?"

Take back what's mine

He jumps off the bed, blankly staring at the blade in his hand. He knows the only way to make the voice, the rage, the hatred, to end… He digs the blade into his arm, mesmerized by the way the blade digs into his flesh, the trail of blood that follows it.

So I take my time, guiding the blade down the line

Each cut closer to the vein (vein, vein)

The burn of the blade brings him back to his senses for a moment, but the onslaught of his mind's rage is too much…

This state is elevating, as the hurt turns into hating.

Anticipating, all the fucked up feelings again.

`You know that this pain will follow you in death…'

“SHUT UP!” he yells, dropping the blade to clutch his head once again.

`Just give into me Duo, and all the pain will go away.'

He whimpers as he feels his mind giving into the voice, the rage.

The hurt inside is fading

This shit's gone way too far.

All this time I've been waiting

No I can not grieve anymore.

For what's inside awaking.

I'm done, I'm not a whore

You've taken everything and oh I can not give anymore.

Slowly his face slackens, but as his eyes open, not a single soul that had known him would have recognized the intense look of resolve in the amethyst eyes. With an unerringly calm, he retrieves what is needed before leaving his home.

I'm here to stay (bring it down)

Walking down the familiar street, all pedestrians clear the path for the young man. Looks of horror and concern cross their features as they notice the blood running down his face and arm.

Coming to a stop in front of a luxury home, a feral grin overtakes Duo's face as he proceeds through the gate. He doesn't even bother to knock, opening the door to let himself in. His mind doesn't even take a moment to ponder the voices that float to his ears as he heads in their direction.

Bring it down

Two startled faces look up from their evening meal, one standing up and the other gasping at the sudden intrusion.

“What are you doing here Duo?”

Gunna break it down

He pulls the concealed gun from his back pocket, aiming for the source of his pain…anger..

“Duo, put the gun down!”

“Get away Relena, this isn't Duo.”

“What do you mean” she cries.

“It's Shinigami…”

GUNNA BREAK IT!

Duo slowly recovers, looking around at his surroundings in a daze.

`Where am I' he thinks to himself. Looking down, he notices the gun in his hand.

“No…” he whispers in horror, his eyes widening in realization.

Snapping his head up, his mind processes the slumped over figure on the table, the steady drips of blood running off of the table onto the pristine white carpet. He then notices the other body, lying on the floor…lifeless.

This state is elevating, as the hurt turns into hating.

Anticipating, all the fucked up feelings again.

For a moment his mind goes blank. It doesn't hurt, he thinks to himself. But as reality sets in, it hits him ten fold. A sob escapes his throat as he crawls towards the body…to Heero.

The hurt inside is fading

This shit's gone way too far.

He reaches a trembling hand out to touch his face, pulling it back as if he bit him due to the coldness. Those eyes stare out at him…empty.

All this time I've been waiting

No I can not grieve anymore.

For what's inside awaking.

I'm done, I'm not a whore

You've taken everything and oh I can not give anymore.

“What have I done?” he whispers to himself.

`It's over now Duo. Now you can go' the voice whispers before fading away altogether.

Give anymore.

Duo no longer hesitates. The voice won't stop him now.

“See you in hell” he whispers before placing the barrel of the gun into his mouth and pulling the trigger…