Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Completing the Silence ❯ Pain Revisited ( Chapter 10 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

LSE // 7-21-02
(Completing the Silence - Chapter Ten: Pain Revisited)
rated: PG13 - violence, language, content
shounen-ai/yaoi

Pain Revisited




The pawn mocked the knight, perfectly arranged into a cross defense.
Slowly, the knight looked around, scanning the motionless pieces,
checking for positioning. The queen stared back at him, lingering
beside the king. He could take the pawn, then wait for the queen to
kill him, then snag the defenseless king.

The knight made it's move. Over one, up three. The slain pawn was
placed beside it's fallen soldiers.

Slowly, a grin crept over Natasha's face. She saw her opponent
stiffen, widely searching for the board for a hidden move he might
have over looked. Reaching out a hand, she breezed her queen out into
the open, darting through the white pieces.

"Checkmate."

With his knight gone, the king was trapped, his elaborate defense
crumbling as the queen stood proud on her dominated battlefield.

Natasha smiled and stood, "Good game."

Her defeated opponent shook his head in disbelief. Natasha stretched
and looked down the empty hallway. She was bored with chess, and Duo
wasn't around to keep her company.

She hoped Duo was okay. He was, after all, a valuable piece in her
own chess game. She cracked a slight smile at the thought. He would
be the king, vastly important, yet limited by his power and dual side
of vulnerability. She looked disdainfully out at the pawns. Although,
pawns could be quite useful. For sacrifice.

She wiggled her toes into the rug, looking down at her bare feet.
Socks, she decided, I'll get socks. Twirling around, arms out like a
ballerina, she started back for her room.

She popped open her drawer, looking at the clothing within. Mostly
dark clothes. Finding a pair of wool socks, she hopped on one foot
and jammed them on. Toasty.

Once both feet were securely socked, she started to leave, but
stopped with a look to Duo's bed. The sheets were ruffled. Walking
the short distance over, she loomed over the bed.

Yes, there was indeed an impression. From someone laying on it. Her
eyes swept the room, picking up the little details she'd missed upon
entering. Duo's cross was gone from the side table. His drawer was
open. How could she have looked over that?

Darting out into the hallway, her socked feet nearly sliding her into
the wall, she looked up and down the corridor. Duo was out. Had he
made a run for it? No, he would have taken that picture with him.
They must have let him out early.

"Looking for something?" said Janice, standing in her room's doorway.

Janice had the look of someone who sat around and watched people go
by. A person valuable, but often cast aside. "Have you seen a young
man with a long braid come by?"

"Noooo..." she drawled out, "I did see a young man with long hair.
Looking for something, too. Everyone's always looking." She clutched
her stuffed bear to her.

Natasha nodded a thanks and went in the direction the woman indicated.
She wondered if Duo often went without his braid. It somehow didn't
fit the picture she'd been building in her mind of his life. She
expected the braid, like his dark clothes, signified something
important.

Upon reaching the end of the wall, she thought perhaps the woman was
mistaken, or maybe Duo had put his hair into a braid. She ran through
her mental list of any other young men with hair as long as Duo's,
but she couldn't think of anyone with hair quite that long.

She was tempted just to go back to the room and wait for Duo. Maybe
Duo was still locked away in solitary. Perhaps it was a nurse who had
taken the cross, perhaps seeing it as a weapon.

But in her gut, she knew those assumptions were wrong.

She turned at the sound of a door opening. She dove for the wall and
flattened herself into the shadows as two orderlies emerged from a
janitor's closet.

She carefully resisted the urge to giggle, but no amount of control
could keep a blush from rising to her cheeks at the thoughts of what
sort of things they'd be doing in the closet at this time.

One of them turned and took out a key, securely locking the door.
Natasha quirked an eyebrow, starting to think this suspicious, but
knew the closet was being locked to prevent a patient from wandering
into it and collecting some bleach to drink.

Still, something didn't seem right. She couldn't place her finger on
it, but someone it seemed wrong. The orderly suddenly looked up,
directly towards were she huddled in the scant darkness.

She hardly dared to breathe, praying he assumed she was merely a
shadow. One more piece of darkness molted against the gray. Then, she
inhaled sharply, a silent gasp as recognition flooded her.

It was the orderly from the previous night.

Thoughts ran wild through her head. He had taken poison from the
closet and was planning to kill Duo and her for their silence. No,
he'd taken a knife. A pair of clippers. A gardening spade. What if
he'd already done the deed?

She breathed a silent prayer of thanks for her caution in not eating
supper. She needed to find Duo, quickly, before this vengeful orderly
could extract payment for whatever reprimand he had received.

Once the hallway was safely cleared, she stepped away from the wall
and walked casually down the hall. The key to a good spy was
confidence. Act like you know exactly what you are doing at all
times, even if you have no clue on earth what you're supposed to be
doing and the entire mission is going to blow.

As she passed the closet door, Natasha's ears picked up something
odd. She stopped there before the door, listening carefully. There.
Just barely within the range of hearing she could here what sounded
like crying. From inside the closet.

She stepped up close to the door, pressing her ear against it.
Definitely crying. "Hello?"

The sounds stopped.

"Hello!"

"Na...Nani...?"

"Oh, my lord...Duo?"

"Natasha?"

Blue eyes widening in horror, she grabbed for the knob, but it was
locked tightly. "Hang on! Duo, just hang on..." Natasha rolled her
shirt up and selected a bobby pin from the hem on her pants. Expertly,
she twirled it inside the lock and was rewarded with a satisfying
click.

She swung the door open, freezing in the doorway and the sight before
her. "Duo...?"

Her roommate knelt on the cement floor, long, frazzled hair clutched
in one hand, but her eyes locked on the object held in the other. A
knife. She'd seen the marks all along Duo's arms when they were in the
shower, and seen in his file the reasons for his institutionalization.

He's going to kill himself, Natasha thought to herself.

"Duo, please..."

He didn't look very threatening, head down with his shoulders shaking
with his silent tears. Natasha slowly approached him and knelt,
reaching out to take the knife from him.

Duo gave a slight shout and flinched back from her touch. "It's
okay," she said soothingly, reaching once more for the knife.

"I..." Duo pulled away, his voice shaking as much as his hands, "I'm
not, I mean... Oh, Natasha, I can't..." The knife dropped harmlessly
to the ground as he put his face into his hands, sobbing.

Natasha gently pulled him into a hug, "It's okay, Duo... It's okay."
In contrast to her soft tone, her face was set with a murderous rage.
What little glimpse at Duo's face she got revealed a fresh bruise
across one fair cheek and his lip was bleeding again.

Natasha felt him recoil slightly at her embrace and suddenly became
aware of the full extent of the chaos strewn in the small closet. It
looked like most of the damage had been hastily hidden, but her
careful eye noticed what others would overlook.

One of the shelves had been knocked over and righted, but the items
atop the shelf had been put back in the wrong order, and a few had
been broken. Perhaps worse, though, was Duo himself.

He was not wearing his own clothing but gray hospital clothes,
drawstring pants and a button-up shirt. The shirt, she noticed, was
unbuttoned, and his chest was marked, a whorl of bruises. Even though
she knew the answer, she asked, "Duo, did they do this to do?"

"I said stop...I tried to fight...I..."

"Shhh... Come on," Natasha said, clearing her throat around the lump
that threatened to make her cry as well. She stood and helped Duo to
his feet. Wrapping an around his waist and ducking under his arm to
steady him, she led him back to their room.

Fortunately, no one stopped them, or even noticed them. It was
nearing lights out, anyway. Soon, the nurses would come by for bed
checks. She had to get Duo into his bed and pray the nurse wouldn't
notice anything out of the ordinary.

Lowering Duo carefully onto his bed, she ran to the door and closed
it, wishing they had locks. These doors never locked. At least it was
closed, to buy them time when the nurse did come.

Duo laid down and curl up into a little ball, hugging his knees to
his chest. Natasha looked away before she burst into tears, but she
knew things had to arranged if they were live to see morning. Surely
the two orderlies hadn't meant to leave Duo in there to starve to
death. No, they must have known he'd take care of that himself,
suicide style. Bastards, had they read his chart? How long has they
been planning this?

"Duo, quick, get under the covers before the nurse comes." She shook
him gently by the shoulders. "Please, don't say anything, okay?"

Natasha looked to the door as she heard footsteps. The shuffle of
sturdy nurses shoes. She hurried over to her own side of the room and
clicked the light off. Duo gave a slight whimper, so she turned on
her side lamp and crawled under the covers.

Presently, the door opened. Natasha looked up with a cheerful grin.
The nurse nodded, looking at her and then to Duo, who looked for all
the world like he was sleeping. Maybe he was. She hoped so.

"Lights off, Miss Letoivsky."

Natasha nodded and clicked her lamp off. The door slowly closed and
she heard the footsteps move along. She counted to herself, slowly,
to one hundred, then jumped out of bed and crept over to Duo. She sat
cross-legged on his rug.

Duo sat up and hugged his legs to his chest, resting his head on his
knees. "Get my hairbrush?" he whispered.

She nodded and fetched it from his dresser. She sat beside on the bed
and slowly gathered up the tangled mass of chestnut. "How badly are
you hurt?" She asked, since he seemed to be a little bit more
collected now.

"I'll live."

"I'm afraid you can't tell the doctors."

"I know. Because they're in on it, too?"

She searched the words for mockery but found none. "Yes. It'd ruin
the hospital's image for this to make the papers. I'm sorry, Duo.
Those bastards will pay, don't you worry."

Duo suddenly lifted his head and lowers his knees, holding his arms
out. Studying the marks. "It's happened before."

"Duo?" Natasha stopped brushing.

"Before. It's happened before. I tried to fight then, too. I don't
know who. I don't remember much. Don't want to. Painful."

She slowly started brushing out the hair once more, careful not to
pull too hard. She was having a hard time following him. "Try to
sleep, whatever it is can wait for morning."

Duo nodded and they both returned to their beds.

Natasha's tired mind couldn't process everything. She didn't try to
understand it, she simply filed it away for future use.

Tomorrow would be Wednesday. Visitor's came on Wednesdays. Would
Duo's friends come?

------------------------------------------------------------ ----------

But it's dark.

It's always dark.

I'm tired of the dark.

Things happen to me in the dark.

Horrible things.

I'm battered, I cannot think.

Deja vu controls me, this all seems like it's happened before.

Can you be tired when you're sleeping?

I've asked that before.

I've done this before.

Different.

Somehow.

I expect to wake up and Heero above me, my throat parched and the
white hospital walls looking cold, but a pure, clean white. Not gray.
Heero will be there. Cold, but he, too, is pure. I am not. I'm angry,
frustrated, I cannot understand why.

I'm scared.

I'm at the alley, again.

I don't want to go through the alley, but my feet control me. I'm a
prisoner inside my own body. It's the darkness, again. The fear. And
it's behind me. I know how this ends. I don't want to relive it.

I don't want to dream it.

I am dreaming.

Why can't I stop?

Stop.

...

"Shinigami," I whisper into the darkness. There is no answer.

"Natasha," I whisper, a little louder.

I creep out of my bed, shaking with the terrors of the dreams. I
cannot remember them, only the fear. The alley, the closet, it's all
fresh in my mind. Salt in open wounds.

I don't know why, but I crawl into Natasha's bed. I can't be alone.

Natasha turns in her sleep, rolling aside to give me more on the
small bed. It feels good to curl beside her, our bodies melding
together in a different way than when I sleep with Duo.

She reminds me of Hilde. A sister.

Yes, Natasha is like a sister. I feel no desire sleeping beside her,
pressing my shaking body against hers, stealing her warmth to relieve
the chill that has set in my bones.

I can't keep this pain inside me anymore.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Author's Notes: Seems like I can keep it PG13 after all. Things are
really going to start snowballing here pretty soon. I expect I'll be
able to finish this in another three or four chapters... Trust me,
it's going to get good! Sorry for chapter nine's horrible cliffhanger!
Can you believe it's only taken me nine days to get to this point?

copyright 2002 - Gundam Wing and characters copyright other people.
LSE - "Violet" (ManzokuBiscuit@aol.com)
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