Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Completing the Silence ❯ Deadman Walking ( Chapter 13 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

LSE // 7-24-02
(Completing the Silence - Chapter Thirteen: Deadman Walking)
rated: PG13 - violence, language, content
shounen-ai/yaoi

Deadman Walking




At lunch, I was so hungry I'd completely forgotten about Natasha and
her needs for food. At dinner, I remembered as soon as I saw her
start pushing the food around like she normally does. I stopped
wolfing down my macaroni and cheese and looked at her, sitting
across me. She's being oddly quiet.

"You need to eat."

She shrugs, "I suppose."

"Seriously. Here, we'll switch plates."

"I'm not hungry."

I want to tell her she's just being paranoid, I want to ask if she
really is a spy, but I can't. I'm afraid I'll hurt her. She's been so
great to me, she's helped me so much. I've been so selfish. I've been
so involved with my issues, I haven't even thought to help her.

And she's leaving tomorrow.

"Well... All right, then take this," I say, sliding the squished
cookie, still in it's package, across to her.

She looks at it, "But your friend gave this to you."

"You can have it."

She takes it and offers me a smile. I feel better, because I got her
to smile, and turn back to my food. I'm bothered by the exchange I
had with Heero, and resolve next time to try harder to move past my
feelings of betrayal.

I want to know more about her conspiracy theories. But are they
really theories? I'm starting to believe her more and more. She seems
too sane to hold on to such an illusion. She's smarter than the
doctors, I think.

I don't know why she's even here. Even she's being paranoid, it
doesn't effect how she behaves. She's rational, she's observant,
she's brilliant. A genius.

"I think you should forgive Heero."

"What?" I look up in surprise.

She nods, "Forgive him. So you two and go live in relative happiness."

"Relative happiness?"

"Life isn't a fairy tale, you're not going to get happily ever after.
That's not the point. The point is, you need to forgive him."

"But he..."

"He loves you, Duo."

I suddenly don't want to listen to her. Even though she's right.
She's always right. About everything. "Oh, what do you know..." I
grumble, grabbing my tray and throwing it away. I head back to the
room, for a good sulking.

Natasha follows me, "It's my job to know."

I sigh, "Okay, you're right. Next time I see Heero, I'll try my
hardest to patch things over."

"Swear it."

I look at her curiously, walking into our room. "Sure."

"No. Seriously. Swear it to me."

"Okay, I swear. I promise you, next time I see Heero."

She nods in satisfaction, "I'll expect you to hold that promise."

I lay on my bed and stare up at the ceiling. In my bedroom at home,
I can see things in the ceiling. Like with clouds. Here, the ceilings
are boring tiles.

"You didn't tell me you got hit by a car."

I look over at her, startled. "Then how do you know?"

She spreads her hands innocently, "You know me better than to ask
that. I'm a spy. It's my job."

I concede she has a point and let the question drop. Maybe one of
the nurses told her. Or maybe it was in my folder. I want to look at
that thing some time, if for no other reason that see what medication
they've got me on. "I never told you?"

She shakes her head.

"I was shopping with Heero and I got lost. I tried to walk home,
using the alley as a shortcut. I freaked out and ran into the street."

"How badly were you hit?"

"I don't know. They didn't take me to the hospital. When I got home,
Doctor Ruini was there. I blacked out and when I woke up..." I
gestured around to the gray walls, "They put me in here. Heero put
me in here. After he promised not to."

"He promised?"

I nod, feeling tears. I sigh, "He promised... He said he trusted me.
He wouldn't let them take me. He wouldn't give up on me. And then he
just gave up." I sigh in anger. Feeling angry is easier than crying.

Natasha turns this information over carefully, I can see her doing
it. She's weighing everything, placing it all together in a neat
little puzzle for her to come long and solve. "And now you've
promised to forgive him," she says at last.

I shrug, "That I have."

"Will you remember me when I'm gone, Duo?"

I nod, "I'll give you my address. You write me, where ever you end
up, okay? Hey, you promise me that. Promise me you'll write me once
you get out."

Natasha looks at me carefully. I'm mildly surprised she doesn't
immediately smile and agreed. I start to get a little worried, but
then remind myself of her delusion. She's just trying to make sure
it won't interfere with her secrecy, or some other spy things.

She obviously doesn't take promises lightly.

"All right," she says at last, "I promise."

I grin and look for a piece of paper. I carefully write out the
house's address and give it to her. She goes over to her dresser and
takes out the silver compact she's got hidden away in there.

I look at it for a moment, admiring the rose etched into the front.
She folds the paper and sets it within the compact.

"I'll miss you, Duo," she says, walking over and sitting beside me
on the bed.

I nod a little, "Is there any chance we can meet up again once I'm
out?" If I'm out, the tiny voice inside me whispers. If you ever get
out... I beat the voice up and steal it's lunch money.

Natasha looks doubtful, "I don't know. I'll try, but my comrades
probably won't want me taking another risk like this again." She
smiles and stands, grabbing my hand. "Let's go play chess."

As we leave, I can still feel the warmth of her hand on mine. I
remember when we first met, she said she didn't shake hands. I'd
filed it away as simply part of her problems. Maybe she was just
trying to be cold, like Heero.

Or maybe she'd been testing me. Seeing how I'd react.

Or maybe I'm thinking too much.

We fight over who gets to play with the black pieces and finally we
get the other chess set and steal the black pieces from it.

Natasha wins easily, and we play another game. We play until a nurse
comes by and makes the announcement for lights out.

I grumble about the general unfairness of things. As we're leaving,
I see Natasha steal one of the chess pieces. The queen. I don't say
anything about it, but looks up and sees me looking at her and smiles,
pressing a finger to her lips and making a light, "Shh..."

I shake my head with a slight laugh. Inside, I want to know why she
took it. A souvenir for when she leaves?

---------------------------------------------------------- ------------

Since it's her last night, Natasha and I sit together on my bed and
whisper long past lights out. Per her request, I fill her in on all
the details of my life. I tell her about the war and my gundam,
Deathscythe. She listens carefully, you can almost see the wheels
turning.

I have no idea what time it is, but it's late. I'm laying across my
bed in the darkness, with Natasha sitting near my feet. I'm getting
tired, and I sense Natasha is, too.

"Natasha?" I whisper, picking her out among the shadows.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you here?"

"Goodnight, Duo," Natasha says after a long pause. The bed creaks
slightly as she gets up and goes over to her side of the room. I
shrug into the night, I'm not in the mood to press information out of
her.

"Goodnight, Natasha. When are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Early in the morning."

"Well, don't go without saying good-bye," I mutter, turning on my
side. I don't hear her response, because I'm asleep.

---------------------------------------------------------- ------------

"Duo."

Pale eyes look down at me.

"I'm leaving."

It's still dark. No, barely dark. Predawn light.

"Now?" I mumble, still half-asleep.

She leans down and brushes her lips against my cheek, "Yes, now.
Good-bye, Duo."

Have I gone back to asleep? I force my eyes open.

She looks down at me still. I sit up and look at her, was that a
dream? I'm confused.

"I'm leaving."

"Now?"

"Yes, now."

I hug her. "Remember, you promised to write me," I say around the
lump threatening to make me cry.

She nods, pulling away. She hands me a glass of water.

I look at it, then up at her, "What?"

"Drink," she commands.

I shrug and take a good long sip. It tastes sour, I recoil and put it
on the table with a grimace, "That's disgusting."

She bullies me into lying back down. She tucks the covers up over me,
"It'll make you go to back to sleep. Remember your promise."

"I will."

"Good-bye."

"Good..." my eyelids are heavy. They drop. "...bye..."

------------------------------------------------------ ----------------

With a yawn, I stretch out in the bed and lazily open my eyes,
staring up at the boring ceiling. What time is it?

I flick my wrist up in front of my eyes and look at the time.

8:43

I sit upright, staring at the watch in disbelief. I look over to see
if Natasha's slept in as well, but her bed is empty, and I recall
the hazy events of earlier in the morning.

The half-drank glass of water is on my table. It wasn't a dream...

And she's gone. I get up and dress slowly, in jeans and a T-shirt,
despite the chill. The heater never seems to operate properly here.
Even though I don't want to, I get up and open up Natasha's drawer.

It's empty.

Except for the black queen.

I pick it up slowly, then look at the piece of paper beneath it.
I've never seen Natasha's handwriting, but looking at the loopy
scrawl, I know it's hers.

"For you to remember me," I read it aloud. I slip it and the chess
piece into my pocket and sigh. She didn't sign it, but she'd made a
rubbing of the design off her compact, of the rose.

Why didn't a nurse come wake me? Maybe this is something they do on
Thursdays. I step out into the hall and head for the cafeteria, but I
stop short, staring at the chaos that was once the living areas.

I see another patient hovering at the end of the hall, hugging a
teddy bear to her. I seem to recall her from somewhere, so I go up to
her and ask, "What happened?"

She looks over at me, "Did you hear?"

I shake my head.

"Two of the orderlies were found hanging over there," she points to
the living area, "dead. And they found who killed them laying right
beneath them. A girl. Dead."

"What?" I whisper, shocked.

"Yes, sir, dead. Girl was poisoned, they said."

Chill sets to very core of my being. Cognitive process stopped.

Two orderlies.

Poison.

Rope.

Natasha.

I'm running, running past them all. Someone shouts. I round the
corner and see the white halls, the nurse's station.

I see outside. I see the ambulances. I see the door's closing.

But for one instant, I saw her.

Black.

Someone's holding my shoulder's, shouting.

"Natasha!" I scream, trying to break free. They're taking her away.

"Duo!" some screams back.

I stare into Doctor Ruini's eyes.

"I know you two were close, but you have to stay here..."

I struggle free of her grip and back away, staring at her. Poisoned.
"You did it. She was right all along. She was right."

"Duo, what are you talking about?"

"Natasha. You killed her. Poison. Fucking killed her."

"You need to calm down, Duo, I..."

I scream, clamping my hands over my ears. I won't listen to her. I
won't. I can't stay here.

I can't stay here.

I reach out and grab the doctor's wrist, she gasps and tries to pull
free. I drag her into the nurse's station, the nurses looking up in
surprise. "I'm leaving."

"What? Duo, you can't leave. Duo...?"

"Watashi wa... Shinigami," I intone, my eyes scanning across the
counters. I see one of the nurse's slowly inching her hand towards
the sedative needles. I grab a flask off the counter and smash it
into the edge of the desk, quickly lifting the broken off glass to
the doctor's neck. She makes a weak sound of protest, but I ignore it.

"Don't move." I tell them, my voice dead. Heero monotone dead.

Shinigami.

"Duo, put that down," the doctor orders.

I ignore her.

I'm thinking fast, trying to form a plan. I can't stay here.

"No one move."

Holding the glass to the doctor's throat, I move to the door,
dragging her towards the exit. I'll steal a car, then ditch Ruini
somewhere.

"Duo..."

I correct her, "Shinigami."



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Auth or's Notes: This one comes out so close to chapter twelve because
I'm shutting down all contact with the outside world in order to
finish this 'fic. I'm only talking to my muses and my beta-reader,
Savie. Must...finish...'fic...

Watashi wa Shinigami - I am Shinigami
Shinigami - God of Death
Feedback/reviews are very much appreciated! More chapters coming.

copyright 2002 - Gundam Wing and characters copyright other people.
LSE - "Violet" (ManzokuBiscuit@aol.com)
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