Crappy Poem Theater Goes to the Bahamas

A weak imitation of the theme to Titanic being played on the ukulele (seriously, it can be done. We had to listen to it for three hours when the elevator in our office building broke down. ::shudder::) in the background. Vid-cam zooms in on a dark haired girl in a blue bikini wearing cool wrap around sunglasses and sipping one of those coconut drink thingies with the little umbrella in it, lying on a beach blanket by a sparkly, blue lagoon.

Cherry Blossom: Hellooooooo minna! Welcome to…

Heero: ::wearing, are you ready?, a black Speedo!:: NO! You said that this wasn't Crappy Poem Theater! You said!

Cherry Blossom: It's NOT Crappy Poem Theater. Sheesh, calm down would ya? I'm not going to be able to put out the next episode for a while. Mostly because I can't find any good-er bad poems worthy of my attention, and partly because…

Duo: ::wearing nothing but black swim trunks (control your drool, ladies) and some shades:: WE DESERVE A VACATION! WHOOHOO!!! PARTY!!

Matteo: ::wearing cut-offs and a white t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off:: In the Bahamas to be exact.

Trowa: ::wearing green swim trunks:: It'll be nice to relax for once. No crappy poems, no weird lemons, no angsty deaths. Just peace and quiet.

Quatre: ::wearing baby blue swim trunks and a sharkstooth necklace around his throat:: Yeah. Peace and quiet.

Duo: You guuuuuys, we're not supposed to relax. We're supposed to have FUN.

Quatre: ::flips over on his back to even out his tan:: I am having fun.

Duo: That's not fun.

Wufei: ::comes around the corner wearing red swim trunks and carrying a pina colada:: I couldn't find any towels. We'll just have to drip dry-IYAAAAAAA!!!

Duo: ::tosses Wufei into the lagoon:: Now THAT'S fun!

Wufei: MAXWELL! KISAMAAAAAAAAA!!! ::emerges from the pool, dripping wet:: I'm going to KILL YOU!!!

Duo: ::grins:: Easy Wu-man! You were going to go for a swim soon anyway.

Wufei: You…lost…my…PINA COLODA!!!

Cherry Blossom: Relax Wuffers.

Wufei: WUFFERS?!

Cherry Blossom: ::zaps him up another pina coloda:: Here, it's on me.

Duo: Hey Cherry, do ya think you could zap me up a margarita?

Quatre: But Duo, you're underage!

Duo: So's Wufei.

Quatre: That's true. Wufei, you shouldn't be drinking!

Cherry Blossom: ::whispers:: Don't worry. It's non-alcoholic.

Heero: Like the punch was supposed to be?

Trowa: Good point. We still haven't paid you back for that little stunt DUO.

Duo: Ahehe…:jumps into the lagoon:: Anyone for a swim?

Dilly: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

Cherry Blossom: Come to think of it, I am getting a bit red. Could you had me the sunscreen, Teo-chan?

Matteo: Sure.

Heero: ::sigh:: For once in my life, I'm completely relaxed. Nothing can possibly ruin this moment.

Relena: Heeeeeeeeroooooooooo!

Heero: Crap.

Trowa: Well you knew you were going to jinx it once you said that.

Cherry Blossom: He's right. You did it to yourself.

Heero: Shut up.

Relena: ::wearing a pink one piece…with bows:: Hi! I'm so glad you invited us to come with you to the Bahamas Heero.

Wufei: Us?

Heero: I didn't invite you.

Relena: ::frowns:: Really? But I was sure it was your voice on my answering machine telling me…come to think of it, your voice is a bit deeper.

Wufei: Us?

Heero: It wasn't me.

Quatre: Cherry did you do this?

Cherry Blossom: Nope.

Trowa: You sure? Maybe your zapper's on the fritz again.

Cherry Blossom: ::zaps up a Hawaiian pizza with extra cheese and tastes a slice:: Nope. Works fine.

Duo: PIZZA! ::jumps out of the pool and runs to devour the pizza::

Relena: Hmm, that's strange. I wonder who invited us?

Wufei: US?!

Sally Po: Hello Chang.

Wufei: ARRRRRRRRGH! KEEP AWAY FROM ME WOMAN!!!

Sally Po: ::walks around the corner in a red two-piece and cool blue-tinted sunglasses:: Relax, I'm not going to hurt you.

Quatre: Really, Wufei. I think you're overreacting.

Dorothy: ::in evil creepy voice:: Quatre Raberba Winner!

Quatre: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Wufei: Now who's overreacting?

Quatre: Get away! You're a freak!

Dorothy: Now, that's not a very nice thing to say. ::adjusts her orange bikini top::

Hilde: ::enters wearing a very black, very low-cut one piece suit:: Hey all!

Duo: ::pauses in mid pizza bite:: Hilde! What are you doing here?

Hilde: I was invited. Don't talk with your mouth full.

Catherine: ::wearing a purple bikini top and denim shorts, tossing a knife back and forth between her hands:: Hello Trowa.

Trowa:: ……

Catherine: He's happy to see me. I can tell.

Treize: ::wearing a blue and black Speedo:: Hello Miss Cherry. ::hands her a tropical rose:: I was so glad you invited us on this little trip. It will be nice to relax for once.

Cherry Blossom: ::puts the rose in her hair:: Think nothing of it, Mr. Kushranada.

Treize: Please, call me Treize.

Wufei: You invited THEM?

Cherry Blossom: Only Treize, Lady Une, Sally Po, and Zechsy…which reminds me, where is my sexy Zechsy anyways?

Lady Une: ::wearing a blue and mauve one-piece:: Oh, he's a little shy about his bathing attire. He'll be out in a minute, I expect.

Zechs: ::wearing *gasp* a skimpy, red THONG:: I feel stupid. Are you sure I'm wearing this the right way? I'm rather uncomfortable.

Cherry Blossom: ::glomps him:: It looks great on you! Of course, *hentai grin* If you're very uncomfortable, maybe you should just skinny dip.

Wufei: ::nose bleeds:: DON'T YOU DARE!

Cherry Blossom: ::pouts:: Lighten up, Wuffers.

Wufei: MY NAME IS WUFEI! NOT WUFFERS!!

Cherry Blossom: Whatever, Wuffers.

Relena: Wanna swim with me Heero?

Heero: No.

Relena: Aw, c'mon. It'll be fun!

Heero: No.

Relena: ::pushes him towards the pool:: So cool and refreshing…

Heero: N-O.

Relena: ::gives him "the face":: Ple~ase?

Heero: ::sigh:: Fine.

Relena: Yay! ::pushes him into the lagoon::

Heero: :sputter, sputter, cough::

Cherry Blossom: ::sits in Zechs' lap:: This is the perfect location. I think we should do a-

G-Boyz: NO!

Quatre: You said that we were on vacation!

Trowa: You can't make us do a fic now.

Cherry Blossom: Just one?

Heero: No!

Cherry Blossom: Aw, come on.

Duo: Nuh uh.

Cherry Blossom: It'll be fun, trust me.

Matteo: Uh oh…

Cherry Blossom: Song fic!

G-Boyz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cherry Blossom: Strike up the band, Matteo!

Matteo: ::sigh:: This is gonna be cheesy…

Cherry Blossom: Just do it!

Matteo: Disclaimer first!

Cherry Blossom: Oh yes. Forgot about that.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Beach Boy-uh, I mean, The G-Boyz. So scram, Lawyer scum!

Cherry Blossom: Great. Let's get on with it. Music!

Music comes from out of no where and the G-Boyz wince as they are suddenly compelled to sing…

Heero: ::glares at Cherry before singing::

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you

Duo: ::sings while chasing Hilde around the pool::

Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama

Hilde: ::pushes him into the pool where he falls on top of Relena, dunking her::

Relena: Hey! ::sputter::

Heero: ::almost smiles::

Quatre: ::while trying to get around Dorothy who is blocking the exits::

Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Wufei: ::throwing his pina colada at Sally::

Jamaica

Duo:

Off the Florida Keys

There's a place called Kokomo

That's where you wanna go to get away from it all

Trowa: ::trips on Catherine who is lying on a towel under his feet::

Catherine: ::throws a knife in his direction::

Trowa: ::gulps::

Bodies in the sand

Tropical drink melting in your hand

Catherine: Yeah, could you be a dear and get me some ice, bro?

Relena: ::swms after Heero who is trying to get away::

We'll be falling in love

To the rhythm of a steel drum band

Heero: ::swims faster::

Down in Kokomo

Cute Cabana Boys That Come Out Of No Where:

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you

To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama

Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Treize: ::sips at his pina colada (which is definitely alcoholic)::

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo

We'll get there fast

And then we'll take it slow

Lady Une: ::smiles at Trieze::

That's where we wanna go

Way down to Kokomo

Zechs: ::tries to get Cherry of his lap::

To Martinique, that Monserrat mystique

Scene changes to a sandy white beach with a beautiful blue ocean.

Quatre: ::shoves Dorothy into a rip tide::

We'll put out to sea

And we'll perfect our chemistry

Heero: :tries to lead Relena off a cliff::

By and by we'll defy a little bit of gravity

Treize: ::downing his fifth pina colada::

Afternoon delight

Cocktails and moonlit nights

Lady Une: ::stares into Treize's eyes and takes hold of his hand::

That dreamy look in your eye

Give me a tropical contact high

Wufei: ::running away from Sally who has stolen Dilly's flamethrower for some reason::

Way down in Kokomo

Tourists wearing tacky Bermuda shorts and Hawaiian shirts, taking pictures of all the G-Boyz:

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you

To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama

Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Cherry Blossom: ::ripping up all the pictures of Zechsy in his thong and threatening to punch out the next tourist that gets too close::

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo

Trowa:

We'll get there fast

And then we'll take it slow

Duo: ::points to the arcade in the plaza::

That's where we wanna go

Hilde: ::shakes her head::

Way down to Kokomo

Duo: ::trying to convince Hilde that this is a nude beach::

Port Au Prince I wanna catch a glimpse

Brilliant solo on the sex-er…SAX, by sex-er…ZECHS. No I'm not thinking dirty thoughts.

Catherine: ::throwing knives at the seagulls::

Everybody knows

A little place like Kokomo

Quatre: ::cries when she actually spears one::

Now if you wanna go

And get away from it all

Heero: ::tries to shake Relena off his arm::

Go down to Kokomo

And get away from me!

Relena: Oh Heero, you say the sweetest things!

Heero: -_-;;;

Dorothy: ::trying to skewer Quatre with a palm tree frond::

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you

Wufei: :::still running away from Sally::

To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama

:accidentaly trips over some woman who was bathing topless::

Woman: HENTAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! ECCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!

The Woman's Fifteen Older Brothers Who Wrestle: Grrrr….

Wufei: ::gulps:: Heeelp…

Matteo:

Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Treize: ::has switched from pina colodas to straight vodka and is making out with Lady Une::

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo

We'll get there fast

And then we'll take it slow

Cherry Blossom: ::smiles at Zechs::

That's where we wanna go

Way down to Kokomo

Sally: ::fries the wrestling brothers with her flamethrower:: NO ONE CAN KILL MY WUFFIE EXCEPT ME!!!

Wufei: Uh…

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you

Quatre: ::chases Dororthy with some tweezers::

To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama

Duo:

Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

::tries to impress Hilde by hanging ten, falls off his surfboard and gets tangled up in some seaweed::

Trowa: ::trying to fix his hair since the heat of the sun has melted away all the gel::

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo

We'll get there fast

And then we'll take it slow

Cherry Blossom:

That's where we wanna go

Matteo:

Way down to Kokomo

Cherry Blossom: There. That wasn't so bad, was it?

Wufei: It was terrible.

Heero: Omeo o korosu!

Trowa: Worse then the poems.

Quatre: Which, might I remind you, are crappy.

Cherry Blossom: Like you could do better.

Duo: I could.

Cherry Blossom: Riiiiight. Okay…I want everyone to write me a poem!

G-Boyz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Heero: VACATION!

Cherry Blossom: You complained about my music video. So now you have to write me a haiku. It can't be that hard, it's only three lines.

Wufei: Injustice…

Cherry Blossom: Quit whining and get writing.

About fifteen minutes and much bitching and moaning later…

Cherry blossom: Times up! Let's hear your poems! Heero, you go first.

Heero: ::glares, then clears his throat::

Evil fanfic girl

Torturing with crappy poems

It's Cherry Blossom

Cherry Blossom: ::glowers:: That's not funny. Just for that, you have to write another one.

Heero: Dammit!

Cherry Blossom: We'll come back to you. Now…how about you, Zechsy?

Zechs: Um…

When Trieze-sama bathes

Lady Une gets the rose scent

But why pink bubbles?

Treize: They help me to relax.

Cherry Blossom: But they totally destroy the view…

Wufei: ::nosebleeds:: STOP THAT HENTAI ONNA!!

Cherry blossom: Next!

Quatre: ::glares at Dorothy::

Smeggin' weird eyebrows

All pointy and freaky like

Allah protect me

Dorothy: That's so sweet!

Quatre: Back freak! ::holds up fingers in sign of the cross::

Cherry Blossom: Very nice. I like the use of the word "smeg" particularly. Next!

Wufei:

Nataku is cool

Sally Po is a weakling

Wufei is justice

Everybody: O.o;;;

Cherry Blossom: Er…yeah. Next!

Trowa:

I like the lions

Stupid tourists get too close

Chomp. There goes an arm.

Duo: Wow, look at the imagery!

Cherry blossom: Very…interesting, Trowa. Next!

Duo:

Deathscythe kicks Oz ass

Look at the pretty fireworks

Fear Shinigami

Cherry Blossom: O.o;;;

Duo: ::gives "V" for "Victory" sign::

Cherry Blossom: Next!

Dorothy:

Why can't they see that

War is very beautiful?

Fools, taste my sword blade

Cherry Blossom: How…bloodthirsty.

Quatre: She's a wacko! Get her away from me!

Cherry Blossom: Next!

Catherine:

Knives fly through the air

Swoosh, thunk, swoosh thunk, swoosh, thunk, swoosh-

Squish. Oops. Sorry bro

Duo: Wow.

Trowa: Pity me.

Cherry Blossom: Next!

Trieze:

The sweet heady scent

Of the elegant spring rose

Quick, get me some wine

Lady Une: Right away, Treize-sama. ::pours him some wine::

Eveybody else: O.o;;;

Cherry Blossom: ::weakly:: Next.

Sally Po:

I am an onna

With a big ass revolver

Don't piss me off, 'kay?

Wufei: ::gulps::

Duo: Run Wu-man, RUN!

Cherry Blossom: I can't take much more…

Hilde:

My hair is not blue

Okay? I just want to clear

That up for youQuatre: Y'know, I always thought it was navy…

Cherry Blossom: NEXT.

Relena:

Peace is not something

That is easily obtained

So send me money

Trowa: I'm not even going to comment.

Cherry Blossom: Next.

Lady Une:

Sexy, well-dressed man

Destined to rule over all

Trieze-sama is GOD.

Treize: Why thank you, Lady.

Everyone except Trieze: O.o;;;

Duo: Definitely disturbed.

Heero: ::nods head::

Cherry Blossom: Next!

Noin: :pops out of no where:: Um…What am I doing here?

Cherry Blossom: Just…make up a haiku!

Noin. Ooookay…

Many elephants

Squished the ugly pink limo

Everybody cheered

Relena: MY LIMO!! ::starts bawling:: IT'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!

Cherry Blossom: My favorite one yet. Who's next?

Duo: I've got another one.

Heero: Joy.

Wufei: Rapture.

Trowa: Bliss.

Duo: Shaddup.

Cherry says that Zechs

Has the hottest looking butt

But what about braids?

Cherry Blossom: Well Duo, I can definitely say that you have the nicest braid.

Duo: Whoo hoo! ::runs amuck::

Heero: Baka. You have the only braid.

Hilde: Shhh. Don't spoil it for him.

Cherry Blossom: Next!

Dilly:

Burn, burn, burn, burn, burn

Burn, burn, burn, burn, yes…lovely!

Burn, burn, burn, burn, BURN!

Everybody: O.o;;;

Matteo: Informative.

Cherry Blossom: Is that everyone? Oh, yes. Heero still has to do his second one. Go on, Heero.

Heero: ::scowls::

I live by my emotions

Omeo o korosu

Right now I'm angry

Cherry Blossom: Better.

Wufei: Why don't you do one, onna?

Cherry Blossom: ::thinks for a bit:: Alright.

THIS IS WHAT HAIKUS

WOULD SOUND LIKE IF WRITTEN BY

GENERAL SEPTUM

Everyone: O.o;;;

Cherry Blossom: Well, he yells all the time. It's so annoying. I'm really glad you killed him in that episode Lady Une. I think that it's the only time I ever applauded your evil side.

Lady Une: Thanks, he was pissing me off, too.

Quatre: But didn't you think that throwing him off a plane and then shooting him was a bit much?

Lady Une and Cherry Blossom: No.

Matteo: Hey Cherry, we'd better hurry or we'll miss the hula dancers.

Cherry Blossom: Oh, that's right. We have dinner and a show at six.

Duo: Hula girls…::drools::

Hilde: ::yanks on his braid:: Don't you dare think about it.

Duo: Ow! Hilde! Leggo!

Cherry Blossom: Hopefully we'll see you soon in the next episode of CPT (send poems).

G-Boyz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Cherry blossom: ::evil smirk:: Jaa!! ::jumps into Zechs arms:: Can I be your hula girl, Zechsy?

Zechs: Er…ah…

Trowa: Just say yes. It's easier, in the long run.

Cherry Blossom: ::glares at Trowa:: You are DEAD clown!

Trowa: Eep! ::runs away::