Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Dear Mr. Perfect ❯ Chapter 1

[ A - All Readers ]

Duo settled at the edge of the twin bed that was parallel to, and the
mirror image of, the one directly across from him, the space
separating them only a matter of roughly five feet, one small
nightstand with one small drawer standing in the middle of this space,
pressed against the wall. On the surface of the stand there was simple
blue lamp with a faded lampshade, and this was offset to the left,
away from Duo. Next to the lamp an old radio clock was at home, the
time displayed in bright green, yet faded, numbers.

Duo noted these things abstractly but was lost in thoughts and these
two items held no significance to him. He had two things on his mind,
receiving nearly equal attention. One was the drawer, which he had
found to be locked, and had decided soon he would find out what was
inside, if anything, but for the moment was content inventing stories
about what could possibly rest inside the mystery drawer. The second
matter that he was pondering was a conversation he had held on the way
to this current hidey-hole, the time one of a little reprieve from the
war while thoughts were reorganized and more information gathered.

The conversation had dealt with, surprisingly; future plans after the
war, and relationships. The topic of relationships had led to a
discussion between Wufei and Quatre and himself, the occasional grunt
of Heero and nod or soft word from Trowa peppered throughout. The
topic was expectations and wants from future lovers/partners, and what
would each person expect from each, what they held close to them and
what they felt was necessary.

Participation on Duo's behalf had waned slowly but the others seemed
not to notice, and now the things that he couldn't quite say out loud
then were running around in his mind, and he thought seriously for a
minute in the reality that he could, and probably would at this rate,
survive the war, and he would eventually find himself in a
relationship, he should know what he expected.

Settling back against the pillows he propped up Duo rummaged through
his bag until he came out with the notebook of paper that he still had
from the last school he attended and flipped through old assignments
until he came to a sheet of unused paper. Plucking the blue pen from
the spiral of the notebook he tapped it a moment against his cheek
before starting to write.

*Things to look for in a future...other:

Kind, nice, caring, know me, show respect...*

Duo sighed and ripped the page out, shaking his head. "Future other?"
he muttered, "How dumb does that sound? And what is this, a list of
things I want, doesn't everyone want that? I don't want someone
generic."

*Qualities I want in the person I find:

Good personality-strong and stable, but a bit erratic, someone I'm
comfortable around...*

Duo reread the words and shook his head again, closing his eyes,
making the sound of the paper being ripped out and crumpled especially
loud in the silent room. "That was even dumber. Next I'll be writing a
recipe for the perfect other. Come on, admit it. Who is this for
anyway, who will see this? No one but my lonesome self."

Silence was Duo's answer as he stared at the blank piece of paper. "I
want a guy," he murmured softly, fingering the paper bits still stuck
inside the wire spiral. "Not just a guy, I want a great guy, I want
the most perfect guy alive..."

Another moment of silence while Duo flipped back through the pages and
his eyes fell on something he had written a while back. It was a
letter to himself, reminders to do the homework assigned and ask Heero
for help with some math problem, other little trivial things, but it
gave him an idea. "I'll write a letter to myself, that way when I look
back on this I'll understand where I was going." A slow smile tugged
at Duo's lips as he nibbled at the edge of the pen until he set it
against the paper and began to write.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Dear Mr. Perfect,

I'm writing myself this letter so one day I might look back and see
the person I am now. Naive, innocent, and to the core trusting, and
yes, true, I am jaded by the war, I've known and caused pain and
despair and heartache. Yet, by the time I reread this the world will
have taken me into its carnivorous womb and devoured me alive, leaving
behind the person that I'm not...and you...this letter. I want you to
remind me of the disillusioned fantasy I once held, even in the midst
of war and death and tears, and I want to be able to look back and
smile at this innocence so easily shattered. I want...I want to remind
myself of what I once sought, and may still be seeking, but may never
find, because what I want is like trying to find a needle...in a whole
field of haystacks.

So, Mr. Perfect, what I expect from you is a guy that will be strong
for me, so I don't always have to be, but weak, so I can return the
comfort given. Someone who can put up with my endless chatter, and
love every word I say because it's me, and love to hear my voice.
Someone whose smile makes my day worth living and who's laugh I could
never tire of hearing, even if I lived forever. Preferably someone of
little words, to better suit my loquaciousness, and so each endearment
spoken is only more dear and meaningful. Someone who hears every word
I say, and also will hear everything I don't say. I want eyes that I
can fall into and that are endless and deep and warm, lips that are
sweeter than chocolate, and the kind of hair I won't be able to keep
my fingers from long, that just begs to be touched.

I want someone strong, so I feel good in the arms that will hold me
every night, but who is vulnerable enough to be held. Someone who's
not too much taller than me, but tall enough that I can lean into the
frame of the body easily. Someone who won't mind me touching and
teasing and won't care that I physically and often show my affection.
I want....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~

"Duo!"

Duo looked up slowly, heart racing, pen frozen just above the paper,
getting ready to dip back down and continue with the flood of thoughts
that had just erupted from inside of him. Glancing over at the person
who had interrupted he saw Wufei standing at the open door to the room
he was sitting in, arms folded over his chest, an uncharacteristically
concerned expression on his usually impassive face.

"I've been calling your name for the past several minutes," he
explained, once certain he had the American's attention. "Dinners
ready, been ready for about 20 minutes, and Quatre told me to come up
hear and tell you or else you'd be upset that you missed it. Frankly,
I'm surprised that you didn't smell the food long before now, and
you've also known Quatre was going to fix after he put his own stuff
up. What have you been doing? I hope not planning on causing trouble."

"Nothing, and no, I hadn't really planned on causing trouble." Duo
folded the paper once, one third down, then the other third covering
it, and set it on the little nightstand before turning back to where
Wufei was standing and gave a sheepish grin. "Just writing to myself,
that's all. Did you say dinner?"

"Yes. Come on." Wufei turned and moved down the hall, and Duo waited
to hear the soft groan of the third step down before he turned back to
the little stand and studied the piece of paper he had just placed
there. Reaching into his bag again he pulled out a small plastic pouch
that held his lock picks and turned back to the drawer, within seconds
had it open. Studying inside all he saw was a key, to the drawer he
surmised after trying it, and the faded paper that lined the bottom.
Glancing at the empty doorway he pushed his letter off the surface and
into the open drawer, then closed it and used the key to lock it.
Stuffing the key into his pocket he checked to make sure the drawer
was secured tightly, then stood up and made his way downstairs before
someone else came up looking for him. He could just imagine the
reaction a letter like that would draw, especially from his roommate,
the impenetrable Heero Yuy. It wasn't exactly the way he would have
chosen to break the news to his fellow male pilots he was gay, even
thought he suspected that at least one them was just the same way.
Anyway he looked at it though it just spelled disaster.

"It's about time you joined us," Quatre scolded lightly, handing Duo
his glass as he came into the kitchen. Duo smiled back and settled in
next to Heero, who glanced over, then back to his food without a
greeting or a sound. Unaffected Duo began to chatter away, silently
counting the minutes until he could make an escape and go back to his
letter while he still had time to himself, that way he wouldn't feel
any more foolish than he usually felt.

Bounding up out of the chair Duo swiped over his mouth with the napkin
and grinned at the other pilots who had looked up with expressions
ranging from amused to slightly exasperated. "Just got something I'm
working on..." Duo trailed off as Heero slowly hauled him back by the
braid, only to give a gentle yank, but a yank nonetheless at the last
second, bringing Duo back sharply. Steadying himself on the table Duo
looked over at Heero and took advantage of their positioning to fall
back the rest of the way right into the others lap.

Wrapping his arms around the others neck Duo crooned, "Why, Heero, I
didn't know you cared?"

"You have to wipe your face," Heero answered, ignoring the comment Duo
had directed toward him as he lifted a napkin to Duo's mouth and
swiped it across, efficient and to the point. Duo sighed. "You can
move yourself from my lap," Heero stated.

Duo looked up at the ceiling, pretending to think about it, fingers
subconsciously toying with the hair that was just above the nape of
Heero's neck. "Or I can move you," Heero told him, standing smoothly,
one arm under Duo's knees, the other under the back. Moving over to
the couch Heero gave Duo a pointed look, "Let go."

Releasing his hold Duo felt himself weightless for a minute then he
was landing on the soft couch, Heero's footsteps already moving back
to the kitchen. Swinging himself around to sit upright, feet planted
firmly on the carpet Duo glanced up at the clock and then moved back
upstairs, sure that he wouldn't be disturbed for at least a half hour.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

...someone who will make me dinner for no reason at all, or who will
tolerate going out to eat somewhere that he doesn't necessarily like
too much just because he knows I do, and that I'll do the same for
him. I want someone who will feed me from his fingers, or wipe my
mouth. Someone who can pick me up easily in strong arms, but still be
someone I can be an equal to, respected for my abilities and respected
likewise for my shortcomings and the fact I know them and accept them.

If I'm sick I want someone who will rub my feet with loving hands and
pamper me even if it's not really necessary, and think I'm beautiful,
all of me, even when I am sick or when I'm crying or when I'm
depressed, because yes, it's possible. And I want that too, someone
who can see through my mask and make me confront what I feel, or what
I fear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

"We're going to a movie," Heero stated. Duo almost dropped the paper
at hearing the voice so close without having noticed at all, but it
wasn't yet in the danger zone, still not even in the room yet, but
close. Duo folded the paper and looked up at Heero, who had come in
and was pulling on a pair of jeans. Duo he took a minute to study the
perfect thighs, the curve of the butt, then the small of the back in
the brief second Heero was lifting his tank top. "Quatre gave me that
look of his, that pleading blue eyed innocent look and asked me to put
on a pair of jeans, and to come along. What are you looking at?"

Duo brought his eyes up to see Heero looking over his shoulder at him,
an almost comically quizzical look on his face, and Duo dropped his
eyes down to the carpet, and Heero's heels. One wouldn't think that
heels could be sexy, Duo thought, but obviously the person thinking
this would never have seen Heero's heels, soft looking and tanned and
round and seemingly just perfect.

"Nothing, just lost in thought," Duo answered.

"Did you want to go to the movies with us or not?" Heero asked,
disinterested yet again as he pulled on socks and his shoes, now
perched at the edge of the desk.

"Yeah, sure." Placing the letter in the drawer Duo locked it and
settled his hands in his pockets, allowing the key to slide through
his fingers as he moved around his bed to the door where he had kicked
his shoes off. "I'll meet ya downstairs, k?"

Heero nodded, tying his left shoe and lifting his right, Duo's form
disappearing from view around the door. He cast a speculative glance
at the locked drawer but knew it was secured and Duo would know if he
picked it, that was Duo's specialty after all, so he left it. He
followed soon after to find Duo waiting by the front door, grinning
like a fool. "The others are waiting for us, come on, or else they may
decide on the movie for us and then we'll be stuck watching something
horrible." Duo rolled his eyes and motioned Heero along, bouncing on
the balls of his feet as he moved.

"What did you think of the movie?" Duo prompted, tugging on Heero's
arm as they walked out of the theatre.

"The Birdcage?" Heero lifted an eyebrow, the only real show of
expression he would give, before it fell back into place and he gave
it a moment's thought. "I thought the movie was ridiculous," he said
at last. "The characters were so ostentatious it seemed impossible
that anything was really under that beyond what you see there."

"That's not true," Duo said softly, looking over at Heero. "Like that
character Albert, it's an act really, something he puts up to hide the
fact he's really afraid of being left alone, abandoned, losing the
only thing that really meant something to him. You have to see under
it..."

Before Heero could say anything Wufei came up behind them with Quatre
and Trowa demanding to know the point of wasting their time with that
movie, in all of it's uselessness. Heero turned around after a moment
with a glare. "Shut-up, Wufei!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~

There's really only one thing someone will have to watch out for with
me, something that he'll have to remember. I have a past that isn't
pretty. I want the person to understand it, and accept it, accept
everything about it and that comes with it. Someone who will hold me
during the nightmares, the screaming till I'm hoarse and thrashing and
choked sobs, and won't feel pity, perhaps only a degree of sadness
that he can't help. Someone who won't hate me because of my role in
the war, who will understand this misguided child fighter, and who
will understand that they don't have to fear me, even though there are
reasons they should. Someone who won't force me to talk about
anything, but will be there unconditionally when I do. And defend me
if it comes to that on something, just like all the years I never had
anyone but myself.

I want...there are so many things I want in that one special person I
can't even name them here, I only hope when I look back and see this
meager and choppy list it will all flood back to me, the hopes and
dreams and memories and wishes, and that I will feel them as warmly
and real as I feel them now. I want...I just want that one perfect
someone, and I know that he'll be everything I could ever need, and
that sums it up. But I'm not stupid, I'm sure I won't find everything
I'm looking for, we're all works in progress, but there's one out
there...one just for me...and--

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~

Beep, beep, beep, beep... Duo lifted his head to glare at the laptop
sitting on the desk across from the bed he was on. "What now?" he
growled under his breath, tossing the letter into the open drawer and
slamming it shut, positive he was being called away from it again.
First dinner, then the damn movie, and now a mission, when they had
been told it would be a while before anything came in.

Lifting the lid of the laptop Duo brought up the incoming message and
gave a weary sigh, resigned to the endless given directions from
others, and resigned to the interruptions. Opening the door to the
room he shared with Heero he yelled out for anyone within hearing
distance, "Mission, Yuy and me, if ya hear me get your ass upstairs
and if he's not around find him."

Heero appeared on the stairs with a customary scowl and moved past Duo
into the room, to the laptop, and then he came back out, motioning for
Duo to follow him. Muttering under his breath Duo pulled on his shoes
and started after Heero, tightening the band at the end of his braid
having learned from previous experience that a loose braid will come
out under the right conditions and get in the way.

"How did it go?" Quatre asked Heero from the kitchen, teacup between
his cradling hands, a paper spread out on the table. It wasn't really
that late, and it wasn't ludicrous that Quatre could still be up; the
mission hadn't taken long, a simple information gathering. Quatre's
eyes dropped back down to his apparent reading, but did not sweep from
side to side like they would have if he had really been concentrating
on the words. Heero gave him what he wanted.

"Fine. Duo will be along in about ten minutes."

Quatre nodded and closed his paper, watching as Heero walked past. In
the room Heero pulled the tank top over his head and tossed it toward
his bed, eyes falling on a piece of paper sitting at an angle on the
carpet partially under his bed. In the dim light coming from the hall
Heero could see the handwriting was Duo's by the small bit that was
visible. Throwing a look over his shoulder to the ajar door Heero
moved over to the bed and picked it up, unfolded it slowly and sat
down, eyes skimming the words. He reached out and clicked on the lamp
by the bed, fingers coming away grimy with dust that had probably been
building for years.

"And? And what?" Heero muttered, turning the page over, huffing under
his breath, and then glancing at the door again. Still no sign, and he
hadn't heard Duo enter. As silent as the God of Death was, Shinigami
seemed to hide when Duo didn't need him.

Rereading the letter once again the irritation at the missing words
faded and a slow smile spread over the Japanese pilots features as he
picked up the pen teetering at the edge of the little stand. Refolding
the paper Heero slowly slid open the drawer, glad to find it unlocked,
and dropped the paper in, closing it and retrieving his shirt. He had
just moved back to the desk where he was filling in their status and
promising a report before noon the next day when Duo burst into the
room.

Moving over to the bed Heero settled onto it, kicking his shoes off,
and settled with his back to Duo, eyes closed.

Duo spared only a glance at Heero as he pulled open the drawer, eyeing
the back now with more of a suspicious eye, but was soon satisfied
that Heero, even if he did turn to look at him, would no more be
interested in what Duo was writing than normal. He only had a few
things more to jot down anyway. Opening the letter his eyes widened in
shock and his fingers went slack, the paper sliding through and to the
floor, the words still haunting his line of sight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~
~~

Dear Duo...

When one's the Perfect Soldier, there is no haystack...there's only
the needle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~

~FINISH~