Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Denial ❯ illusions ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimers: Gundam Wing or the characters therein are not mine. I gain no profit from this fic, but the story is mine and unfortunately so is Quin. ‘nuf said.
Warnings: POV shifts, angst, implied ncs, a longer chapter, see first chap for full spiel.
Pairings: . . .

AN: I think this chapter will be a bit . . . I dunno . . . you’ll see what I mean. Thank you to Frey, my devoted readers and Hiya Robin *huggles you.

---xXxXxXx--- means transition or scene change

‘I wish it were a dream I could wake up from . . .’

Denial

by priscel

four - illusions

Summer, 190 A.C.

(Duo POV)

School’s Out! We’ve spent a lot of time at the orphanage with Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, helping them with the other kids and teaching them what we've learned. I think that Solo just might be a teacher when he gets older. I know everybody was telling him that, but I felt that it was different when your family believed it and in you. He’s only eight but still he had the tempered patience of an adult as he sat and broke down math problems he knew well without so much as hint of doubt in what he was doing. Mama said that it was nice that we got to know uncle. She doesn’t practice his religion and said we were free to choose our own. Hmm . . . I think I might just be a priest someday, I even have my own habit, it’s a bit big but Father Maxwell says I’ll grow into it.

He has been mindful of me and Solo. I think he saw when Solo grabbed me, pulled me behind this truck when we were on our way home. After getting him loosen his death grip on the front of my shirt, I peeked out to see Quin walking toward home.

The next week we went to help them with the kids, he asked us if there was anything wrong. Solo, realizing he mustuve saw us the last time, was quick to let him know that we were planning to play a trick on our brother. Father Maxwell, although hesitant, accepted Solo’s explanation and my two cents about the bus driver helping us with our plot. So I didn’t exactly lie, it was the truth, although I left out the real reason for the bus drivers’ help even if the Mista S didn’t know it himself. At the falter of my smile, Father Maxwell stared us down for a little while longer, then he smiled a smile that spoke of his infinite patience as he told us that if we needed to talk about anything, we could do that with him.

My heart felt heavy ‘cuz not once during the whole explanation did Solo call Quin brother.

It ...it had been months since our brother hurt him. The few times that we had seen him, he behaved as if nothing had happened. We were confused, even more so when Quin would come over and jostle Solo’s hair like he used to. Most of the time he would leave about ten minutes after Mama did, leaving us by ourselves. It was fine with me, I got to cook!

One day, Quin ended up staying home with us. We were wary of being with him by ourselves. We thought about going back to the orphanage to ‘help’ but we had already been there once this week so that wasn’t an option.

Before Mama left for work, we went to ask her if we could spend the day over at Hilde’s. I could feel Solo glaring at me the entire time we waited for her answer. Why was he glaring at me? We'll, he wanted to know what I would say to Mama if she asked why we’d been avoiding our brother. I told him I didn’t know. He knows I don’t lie, so I hope he doesn’t think I’ll back out on the promise, it was basically that a promise, that I gave him that night. I'll figure out a way to answer her without telling. No, I won’t tell . . . even if it hurts, I won’t tell. I shook off the feeling of something greater than sadness and deeper than fear right then that had followed that thought.

Luckily she waved it off. She smiled one of those 'Mother knows all' smiles that made me blush for some reason. She winked at me and told us that we needn’t stay with Hilde all the time. And that we should spend some time with our brother, at least help him clean up until he went to work.

We obeyed. Solo frowned once she left, but I got rid of that with a tickle attack.

So we were lounging in various positions in the bedroom when Quin came in with his hands behind his back. I was laying across the dresser, with my head hanging off the edge, plucking at the scruffy end of my braid when I saw him step into the doorway. Solo sat up from our nest of covers, glancing over Mama’s bed at me, then at Quin and then back to me. I looked up at Quin, my mind idly wondering why some kids said that when you looked at things upside down that they are upside down too, but Quin was right-side up . . upside right... or something. Quin made a funny noise in his throat ya know, it sounded kinda like a cough but more like he was chocking on something. I noticed that his eyes lingered on something near me. I know he was not looking at Solo ‘cuz he’s on the other side of the room. My belly itched and as I reached to scratch bare skin, I didn’t pay attention to the eyes that followed my hand nor had I noticed that my shirt had fallen toward my chest. His eyes met mine, he smiled and I smiled back. I couldn’t help it. Quin didn’t look menacing just happy to see us.

“You two look bored, so I thought I’d share something with you.” He held out his hands and I sat up to look down at them as Solo cautiously made his way over to investigate what it was Quin held out: shades! They had a golden tint to them and they looked cool. I took one out of Quin’s hand and before I could put them on Solo snatched it out of my hand and gave me a toothy smile. I huffed and crossed my arms in feigned indignation. Quin laughed and gave me the other pair. We tried them on but we couldn’t see how we looked in them. We didn't have much light in our room with the blinds down, the little light that seeped through let us see our barely visible reflections in the shades themselves. We laughed when we bumped our heads together trying to see each other in the others' shades.

The only mirror there was in our home was the bathroom one over the sink, so Solo helped me drag a chair into there where we both climbed up and looked, with shaded eyes, at our reflections. We burst out laughing almost toppling the chair. They looked huge on our faces. Solo crossed his arms, his head tilted to the side, not realizing he was imitating a smirk our brother always did when he wore cool specks like these. Ha, I was surprised that he looked umm . . . Yea Coool that’s the word with the triple 'o', just like big Brother. I imitated Solo, trying to stop the giggles rumbling through my chest from spilling out. Quin came to the door and smiled at us. We both gasped in surprise when he grabbed us both around our waists and hefted us up to his sides, even standing on the chair we were still shorter than Quin. He carried us like we weighed nothing, but made a big show of it anyway as he took us through the living room and out the door swinging us from side to side, making these cool sounds and huffing and puffing with each huge step he took.

Quin was very strong, I began to giggle and Solo was silent for a few moments before he gave in and laughed too. I couldn’t stop it as it turned into a full laugh because Quin was running his fingers along my side. Through the laughs, I saw Solo relax and giggle ever so often when Quin made like he was going to fall down from carrying us. We found ourselves laughing at our brothers’ antics the whole way to the balcony. Once on the balcony, Quin whipped out one of those old earth Polaroid cameras, ya know the ones that give instant pictures.

“Ok squirts, gotta get pictures of you so Mama won’t feel left out. And she’d be very happy to have more pictures of us since we haven’t taken any for a long while now.” Quin paused as if deep in thought and then he was holding up the camera. We gave him curious looks not really knowing what we were supposed to do when we were blinded by a flash. Even with the shades on, I saw bright spots. I knew Solo mustuve seen them too ‘cuz he was scrubbing at his eyes with both of his fists, pushing the shades up and down with each little turn of his hands. I watched him for a second and wondered if it hurt when he rubbed at his eyes like that. When we visit Father Maxwell, I often see some of the kids at the orphanage rub their eyes the same way, it looks really brutal. We got used to the flash quickly and for about an hour we were posing, jumping around and basically having lots of fun with our big Brother. Much too soon, all the pictures were used up and the last few were still white. We both had confused looks on our faces and Quin smiled down at us.

“You can try shaking them, to cool them off a bit faster.” He suggested with a pleased look on his face.

I touched the front of one and felt the heat that remained beneath my fingertips and saw my prints too. I hoped I hadn’t ruined the picture. We both took two photos and fanned them back and forth. Before long, a picture appeared and we gaped at them, laughed and picked at each other.
That night we got to stay up mad late, to show Mama the pictures and watch this scary movie that Solo kept jumping at. That’s right, I wasn’t scared, Solo was doing all the jumping. I only jerked... a little. We aren’t supposed to watch this stuff but Quin would let us sometimes. Once that ended and the pop corn ran out, Solo went and got his truck while I went to get my sketch book and we set out to doing our own thing while the sound of Elmo talking filled the background.

As I drew, I found myself reflecting: today was such a good day. Things felt like they used to be, we were brothers and nothing more. I wanted to keep that train of thought but as I sat and drew (well tried to draw) with the sound of little wheels squeaking as Solo sat on the floor going 'vroom vroom' with his gray truck; I remembered the look Solo had when Quin had picked us up - he had went pale, his eyes were big and flicking from left to right. At that moment my thoughtful expression gave way to one of fear as I remembered how all our toys were in a bin not too far from Quin’s room. My breath hitched at the thought of Solo being alone near Quin and me being an idiot, leaving Solo unprotected. Again. I failed him. “Solo . . . ”

He blinked up at me in question. “Quin didn’t, he didn’t . . . um . . . ” Solo tilted his head to the side, watched as I fumbled for words.

'Dangit, why can’t I just say it already.' I said in frustration to myself. “. . . he didn’t try to touch you?” I finally blurted out all at once.

The color drained from Solo’s face and he shook his head vigorously. I sighed in relief. I glanced up to find a blank look had taken over his face and I felt bad instantly. I had just caused Solo to remember what we both wished was just our imagination. Heck, maybe it was just a nightmare? I could see that Solo was doubting himself too, but it was so real - it was real - I can still smell the blood. I bring the flat of my hand to my nose and rub it harshly. Quin wasn’t acting any different but we decided that when school started again, we’d keep the arrangement with the old bus driver.

It was 0100, almost time for Mama to get home and we were tired. Solo refused to sleep, if I didn’t too. We could smell that brown tar, that’s what I called it anyway, being brewed in the kitchen. Mama always said that it was the only thing that helped her function in the morning, warming her inside and waking her up. I saw it work.

I got up and walked into the kitchen and grabbed a mug of the stuff putting lots of milk and lots of sugar in it. Mama said you needed the good stuff in it to make it taste even better so I drank some. I brought the mug down half way with a thoughtful expression on my face to find Solo standing before me. Solo eyed me with an arched pale brow. Mmm ... It was all right, but all I tasted was sweet sweeet milk. Mmm so yummy! I guess Solo heard me and saw my grin from behind the mug when I took another sip, ‘cuz before I knew it my hands were empty. He had snatched it out my hands and had guzzled half of it before I could stop him. I was just drinking some to stay awake! I watched for any sign that he was going to puke, but he just smiled and bounced with his truck in his hands. I narrowed my eyes at him and swallowed the rest to make sure he didn't get anymore.
Not even ten minutes later, I could feel my heart speed up. And before we knew it, a walk from the toy bin to get more stuff became a race to the living room. We were so hyped up that we began to chatter, play with toys and wrestle around on the floor all at once. Quin had gone off to bed already, a low thrum of his music fading the further away you moved from his room down the little stretch of hallway toward the living room and our room.

The living room was quiet, the light from the kitchen and the TV made the room dimly lit. The quiet was interrupted by the sound of the TV and the squeak of tiny wheels as the two boys sat dozing, leaning shoulder to shoulder with their backs to the coffee table. Solo's hand moved the little truck back and forth but jerked at the sound of keys clinking. The boys roused instantly, giggling and covering their mouths as they scrambled across the carpeted floor. They hunkered down in the corner, a little space between the couch and wall across from the end table to the left of the door, waiting with mischief alighted in their bright eyes for the door to open. They each had one hand over their mouths as they tried to stifle their bubbling giggles.

"Shhh." Duo went as they crouched low and moved toward the end table where the key tray sat. They watched as Jadea entered and tossed her jacket, unknowingly, passed their heads and onto the couch. When they saw her reach to pick up her tote bag from the floor, they attacked, glomping her and nearly knocking her into the door. An ‘oof’ was heard followed by excited laughter.

“Well you boys are up late?” She leaned down to kiss the tops of the two laughing boys' heads. 'They're growing up so fast.' She thought smiling sadly, and running her hand through Solo's hair.

“Mama!!Wehadsomuchfuntoday!” Duo announced excitedly, suddenly up on his feet and bouncing by her side.

“YEA!QuingaveustheseshadesandwelookedfunnyinthemandMAM A!DUOsaidIlookedlikeanELF.Ido.NOt. MamaIdon’tIdon’t." Solo whined. "Idon’t." Solo said with a vigorous shake of his head with an indignant pout on his round face, "Nahuh!” Solo nodded his head once in the affirmative and looked to Jadea with puppy eyes as she stood up. “Nahuh!Ilookedcool! Don’t I mama?”

Solo took off toward the clutter of photos on the coffee table, not giving her a chance to respond, then ran back to her holding a picture up to her face on his tiptoes. He pointed enthusiastically at it with just a bit of his tongue peeking out the corner of his mouth.

“YoudidTOOlooklikeanelfandyourearsarepointylikeonetoo !" Duo said, a maniac grin growing as he snuck up on him and tugged on the tops of Solo’s ears so that there were visible from beneath his hair.

Jadea watched in amusement and thought that they did looked kind of pointy.
"Ha! Toldya so." Duo gestured to Solo with a nod of his head while he rested his fists on his hips, grin still in place as he smiled from ear to ear. Jadea blinked, smiling down at the two.

“Ow!Mama!!TellDuoNottoDooooTHAT!” Solo whined and covered one ear while rubbing the other.

Jadea chuckled wondering which that her youngest wanted her to stop Duo from doing. She moved his hands before he could rub them red. As she bent down to look at them closer, Solo took off again, pointing at Duo’s face not realizing how close he was. Duo looked down, crossed eyed at the smaller digit touching the tip of his nose.

“Mama!" Solo giggled. " I know!" He giggled again. "DuolookslikethatCheshirecatfrom‘AliceinWonderland.’ " He said excitedly as he ran around Duo then ran to hide behind Jadea when Duo reached out to catch him.

Jadea chuckled, a tug on sleeve brought her smiling browns to bright greens. "MamacomeseewhatIcandoowithmytruck...” Solo 'thunked' his truck on the coffee table and plopped down beside it with an expectant look on his face.

Jadea joined her youngest on the floor to watch him doing 'amazing feats' with his truck. She looked around and saw the mess the boys had made in front of the ‘entertainment center,’ which was basically a book shelf with the TV on it. It did have a small compartment with a door (2 by 4 feet storage space) that became a crawl space for the boys or served as a hiding place when they played hide and seek.

Jadea considered her sons hyperactive before but this... They were two balls of energy and she wondered if they had gotten into the candy she had hidden in the kitchen as they continued their chatter without breathing. She had started to worry, but was relieved when they would stop and take deep breaths and then start back up with filling her in on what they had done that day.

Duo was bouncing around her again, when she decided to go see if it was the candy they had gotten into. Solo was holding her hand and swung their joined hands slowing her pace. Once in the kitchen, Jadea eyed the empty coffee pot along with several empty mugs on Solo’s stool and on the counter by the coffee maker with unease. At the same time, the boys had gotten to this bit of their day and told Jadea how much they loved coffee and would like to drink it all the time. Jadea was peeved, to say the least, more so because she had to wait for more coffee and told the boys a firm 'no' when they asked to have some of the fresh pot. She made a mental note to tell Quin not to leave the coffee unguarded.

That night we got to stay up with Mama; it was the best!! We took an hour nap, but we were still hyper so we set out to run amok in the Park. It started to rain and we came home covered in mud and laughing so hard we held our sides trying not to fall and cover the floor with our muddiness. By late evening, we grew tried but couldn’t sleep yet. Hilde came over and Dini saw fit to make his presence known by climbing up Solo’s back to curl himself about his shoulders. I was worried that he would claw him but Dini did it all with expertise, thumping Solo on the nose with his tail. Hilde and I laughed when Solo sneezed.

Hours passed, Mista Schbeiker picked up Hilde, talking with us awhile and dropping Quin off. Quin mumbled a ‘stay out of trouble squirts,’ jostled Solo’s ear length hair then disappeared into his room in the back. It was almost 2200 and Solo was already slipping off, leaning heavily against my side and drool slipping from the corner of his mouth. Eww! I didn’t wanna be covered in baby spittle so I woke him and told him it was time for bed. He protested but stopped when I told him I was going to go too. After performing our nightly rituals, we crawled onto our pallet and the moment our heads touched the pillows, we were dead to the world.

I grumbled in my sleep. Turning over and waking up slowly, my body telling me something wasn’t right. I pulled the blanket over my head. My sleep muddled brain registering that it was still late Friday night or early Saturday morning, in any event it was too damn early and I wanted to go back to sleep. I realized I could feel the thrum of Quin’s music but it was a lot stronger than usual, ‘cuz I could feel the sound rebound in my chest. I rubbed my eyes and peered in the dark to see a line of light peeking through our slightly opened bedroom door. The hallway light was on? Now I could hear it, voices. Mama was yelling. I reached over, my hand shaking, to make sure Solo was still asleep. He had shifted further to the right, petting the lump that is my brother made me relax enough that the shaking stopped. I got up to find out why our mama was yelling like that. She never yelled at anyone. Mama is a cool cookie. Yes, I smiled a bit as I opened the door. Bright! Dangit, I hate that. As my eyes adjusted to the light while I rubbed at them, I heard Mama demand that Quin tell her what Solo was doing in his room and why was he crying.

My hands slowly dropped from my face, as my thoughts ceased on Solo’s name. I mean I felt... I thought that lump was Solo?! I was sure . . . I glanced back into our shadow filled room, my mental voice stumbled as I took in Solo’s appearance with blurry eyes: his face was flushed with light tracks of where the tears still ran and marked with red indentations; his lips were a dark red - bruised -and the corners of his mouth had brown flecks leading to his jaw; his clothes were wrong. His lips were never that red. They’re redder than the . . . I looked up suddenly, my eyes focused on Solo as they widened in disbelief. He was trembling now, leaning against the wall caught between the two people we’d thought would protect us from everything. . . Make everything better when something was wrong. I couldn’t hear anything they were saying when I smelled it, baby oil. All at once, my stomach rolled, my heart screamed against my chest and my throat tightened at the smell of it. I felt like I was suffocating as all feeling left me and I stared, unblinkingly, at our Mama’s taut back.

“Why!...He... I can’t”

“Mama... could... you ... weren’t here.”

“What ... o you mean ... WASN'T HERE!... Don’t... lying... believe... my son... YOUR OWN BROTHER!” Their argument started to get clearer the closer I got to Solo.

“He had a nightmare and he said he wanted to stay up.” Quin argued looking flustered.

“Then why is he marked up like that." Mama shouted with barely contained anger as she gestured to Solo. "Why is there blood coming from my baby?! What did you do?!”

“. . .” Quin looked away, his fists clenched at his sides.

“Answer. Me. Goddamnit!!” Mama raised her hand and shook her fist at Quin.

Too much . . . It was too much. Mama never cursed. Why couldn’t our brother be just that, our brother, our protector? Why hurt Solo again, why not me? I deserved to get hurt . . . I failed again. I failed in protecting him from our own brother. I put my arms around Solo and helped him into our room. We clung to each other as we made our way over to the bed. I was about to pull back the covers when Solo stopped me and weakly pulled my hand back to him. He nearly collapsed in doing so and I hurriedly wrapped my arms around him. He looped his arms loosely around my waist, pushing his head into to my chest and then running his face over to my other shoulder. He was shuddering in my arms and I began to shake as well, still unsure of why Solo stopped me. He rasped out ‘Dini’ and I looked back at the lump beneath the covers and realized that it was not moving.

“N . . no.” My voice was barely audible and out of morbid curiosity I still wanted to see. I didn’t realize I was still inching toward the coverlet until Solo’s hand twisting in my tank top brought my thoughts back to him. I was numb again, lost and scared of what this meant . . . What was going to happen to our family?

“He . . . he told me that he saw ...Dini outside our door. That he was ...trying to spoil his fun . . . that Mama ...would be late tonight a - - and th -that he’d show us . . . to . . . he want . . . Then he p - planned for us to ... do each oth-... he was comin’ for you when . . . Mama caught him at the door. I heard her . . . I tried to fix . . . I . . . I . . .” Solo’s voice broke from over use as his hitching breaths gave way to soundless sobs against my chest. I hugged Solo, loosening my hold when he nearly cried out in pain. We made our way onto Mama’s bed and curled around each other. We both jumped at the slam of a door that vibrated through the walls and made the blinds on the windows bounce. Then, then there was nothing.

“Du . . .”

“ . . .uo...”

“Duo . . .” I peeked up at Solo with one heavy lidded eye. I opened both my eyes when I noticed the shadow growing behind him. My eyes widened when I realized it was the shadow of our Mama looming over him and me. She’d never looked like that before. And I was afraid. Have they come to take us from her now? It was still dark out. Could they wait . . . couldn’t they reconsider . . . and maybe just take Quin away to get help? I got up and she rushed us into the livingroom mumbling something that sounded like not my son. Mama sat down on the two seater with us both standing before her. She told me to drop my jammies and I gawked at her. Did I do something wrong? I haven’t been spanked for a couple of years now. I noticed the artificial sky lightening. I was confused, scared, and shook with a chill I didn't feel. I can’t put to words what went through my mind in that moment. Solo looked like a ghost and I looked at her in confusion.

“Do it now Duo!” She scowled at me and that scarred the shit out of me.

I had never seen her face like that before, I hadn't even realized that I had dropped my pants at her harsh tone. I fidgeted, my right hand hanging limply at my side while I ran the other one up and down that arm. Mama arched a fine brown brow at my black boxers and I hung my head in embarrassment. I dropped my shorts and quickly replaced them with my hands. I know that I was doing an impression of a tomato turning red right about then. I could feel the heat in my face. Mama reached out and moved my hands aside - I was a tomato. Closing my eyes tightly, I felt ridiculous. I mean it’s not like she hadn’t seen me butt naked before, but give a guy a break it had been what? Three years and that was the last time she dressed me on my seventh b-day. She examined me down there, her fingers were cold and I unconsciously moved away but she put her hand on my hip and held me still.

Unexpectedly, she pulled me forward. I stumbled with my pants around my ankles and ended up sprawled across her lap. I squeaked and my face flushed making my head heavy when I felt her hands on my butt, prodding me. I was sniffling now, I didn’t want to cry, I wouldn’t - boys don’t cry. That was what big Br-Quin had told me when the bullies had pulled my hair. I knew that wasn’t true any more, little kids always cry and Solo was a little kid, I wasn’t about to tell him not to. I could hear him now and feel the heat in my face increasing with the pressure between my eyes. Before I knew it, I was standing again on weak knees and Mama was helping me pull my things back on.

I sniffled, my eyes brimming with heat, my nose getting stuffed with tears that wouldn’t fall. I used the edge of my blue tank top to wipe at my nose. This was when I noticed that Solo’s hair was damp, his skin a little pinker than his normal peach color - like he was scrubbed all over - and that he had on different clothes. Mama pulled us both to her, ending survey of him. We squatted to sink into her arms, the couch dipped with our added weight as her chest heaved and we held on to her small frame in fear of everything and nothing. We tucked our heads beneath her chin and felt the wisps of her brownish blond hair sweeping against our faces as she nuzzled the tops of our heads. I realized she was crying, I could hear it in her chest... the subtle hitches over her pounding heart. Then I felt her tears, warm, falling on my face and I look at Solo. He looks so small; I watched as her tears mingled and ran along the tracks already on Solo’s face.

“My babies.” I hear the rumble of her voice through her chest more than I actually hear it. “God knows how much I love you boys. If . . . I had known . . . he’s just like his father.” She began to rock us. “My babies . . .”

We were numb it hurt so much. I was too tired to ask why Mama said that last bit and I knew I wouldn’t remember later, too much had happened for it to be important to me. It wasn’t long before we fell asleep in her arms.

“Get. Out.” I jumped out of my sleep. Solo was out cold and smelled heavily of soap. I hadn’t noticed before, I could barely breathe before. I think Mama gave him something for the pain. He's been through so much, I thought to myself as I brushed his hair back from his face, lightly tracing a bruise in his hairline. He moved closer to me and I realized we were sleeping on the couch when its springs groan at his movement.

“But . . . Mama, please! I’m . . . I have no where else to go.” Quin pleaded, tears and fear in his voice.

“. . . that’s not my problem. Go.” Mama replied icily, her arms crossing at her waist.

I sent a tearful red-eyed glare at Quin. I wanted to get up and yell at him. Hit him. Make him hurt like he hurt Solo, but I was stuck. My ragged braid clasped firmly in Solo’s hands. Quin’s eyes caught mine. His chiseled features and broad nose made him look older than he was. Standing there in the doorway, his dark brown hair and tan skin make his hazel eyes seemingly glow with the morning light at his back. I didn’t back down from this stare off as he continued to plead with Mama while staring at me. The corners of his mouth twitched slightly as he looked me over and I felt weird, bare . . . cold. I shivered, wondering how this person could be my brother, giving me the same leers that the pimps on Broad did when I would pass by on my way home from school.

“They’re lying. Whatever they told you Mama was a lie!”

“They didn’t lie. How could they, especially about som..." She shivered, stopping herself from continuing along that line. "I saw what you did, Quin. I. SAW.” Our mother held her ground firm even as her voice quivered at her last word. Quin paled. His eyes lost focus as if he were looking inside himself, thinking over what he’d done.

“What child would want . . . would ever ask for ...for THAT!” Mama mumbled as her hands covered her mouth. Quin leaned against the open door, one foot on the open patio that was the hallway of the first floor his hand on the railing leading down to the other apartments as he tilted his head back to look at the empty side walk visible from our doorway. The silence was thick and he looked afraid of what was out there, tapping his backpack with his worn snicker toe. Mama’s face was flushed with anger and sorrow.

“Just you wait Mama,” he said in a toneless whisper, “those two will give you nothing but trouble. They won’t help you with anything. You should let me put them in their place. Before you end up someplace you don’t want to be. . . Especially him.” I heard him say lowly, feeling the weight of his eyes on me.

“Shut. Up. Quin. You’re wrong. I can’t believe you . . . You, my first . . . my tadpole.” Quin’s steely expression crumbled at Mama’s use of his nickname growing up with her and the crack in her voice. In that moment I recognized him, that was my brother, but as soon as it was there it. . . he was gone again. I could feel the crease in my forehead as my brows bunched in confusion. Even after remembering and knowing that this person had hurt Solo . . . twice, that this man couldn’t possibly be my brother, I still wanted him to stay. To tell Mama he’d be good, to keep my family together. I felt I could trust the man I saw in that moment with my childish secrets, my favorite hiding place, my . . . with anything. Yet, that man wasn’t there anymore, not with those eyes and I couldn’t make myself believe it. Those eyes were empty, dark, lewd a - and too painful to look at. I closed my eyes and huddled closer to Solo, squeezing away the sight of those glowing hazel eyes.

Tbc...

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