Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Denial ❯ Chapter 12
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: priscel 
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 06.06.2006 | Updated On: 06.06.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 6.6K | Visits: 215 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 06.06.2006 | Updated On: 06.06.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 6.6K | Visits: 215 | Status: Completed
Disclaimers: Gundam Wing and the g-boys aren’t mine. I gain no profit from this fic, but the story is mine and unfortunately so is Quin. ‘nuf said.
Warnings: POV shifts, guyxguy stuff, angst, religious rectoric, see first chap for full spiel.
Pairings: eventual 1x2, 3x4, 5xS, Solox?. . .
---xXxXxXx--- means transition or scene change
Feedback is always welcomed.
Denial
by priscel
eleven.1- The ending is the beginning
“~ . . . ~” song lyrics
17th of August, 195 Thursday
In the lounge there was a conference vid phone, of course they all had phones in their rooms, but this one was mostly used for interstellar calls. It was costly to use it and Solo argued with his brother that they didn’t need to use it that much. Duo only smiled and worked a few more hours at his part time job to make sure that they would be able to call home without any problems.
After orientation, their advisors set up a mock run of what their full schedule would be like and how much it didn’t differ from the college set up. Their advisors told them to enjoy the last four days of their break, but the respite was too brief for Solo. He stormed through the lounge, furious with his advisor and himself. Professor O had set up his schedule for him to continue his enrollment in taichi. He hadn’t minded it at first, Prof O was hard and constantly admonished him when he couldn’t concentrate but at the same time he encouraged him. He appreciated it more than the professor would ever know because it made him feel more grounded, filling in that empty feeling that lurked deep inside him. Before the classes with Prof O, he had frequent bouts of depression that dragged him down if Duo wasn’t around to pull him out of it. His brother was his reprieve, his never-ending smiles and hope-filled aspirations helped in so many ways. He was ecstatic about the class, it meant he wouldn’t have to be so dependent on Duo. He ‘was,’ meaning in the past, his advisor had informed him of the time change today and that he wouldn’t permit for him to stop attending. He didn’t want to stop going either and he agreed to the terms not noticing what his teacher meant. His advisors’ words hadn’t sunk in until he opened the door to their dorm. While it was good to practice with Wu Fei, that left him little time to wake Duo up and no one else on the floor to keep an eye on that Yuy guy or for Duo to harass. He sighed heavily, when he wasn’t there before he could always count on Duo’s love to harass Wufei to involuntarily separate him from his roommate. Duo was too forgiving sometimes.
His shoulders drooped and he sighed once more as he compiled a list of people he could ask. He thought of asking Trowa or Quatre, but changed his mind when he remembered the heavy schedule they had. The only consolation for the two was that they were free the whole hour for lunch. He then thought about asking Hilde or Tabitha. He swallowed nervously, they had forgiven Heero as well and prodded the boy before he sent them scurrying with those death glares of his. Hilde was a nuisance, and he had to agree with Heero there. She had this plotting look about her, almost like that smug Catalonia girl . . . . He shivered. He wouldn't leave his brother to either one of them.
He sighed to himself as he dropped his satchel on Sally’s couch and ran his hand through his now shoulder length and dark blond hair. In a month’s time they had all undergone changes: darker skin, a few pounds here and there, and a growth spurt. He was the one who'd changed the most. He had never used the term 'tan' in regards to himself or anyone else for that matter, until they came to Earth. In a few weeks, the weight he gained filled out his wiry frame and the Earthen sun made his pale peach skin a darker shade. 'Tan, but a peachy tan.' He snorted in amusement at himself as he turned his hand over, thinking of how close he was to their mother’s complexion while Duo kept his pale, peach one.
Duo was still his little 'big' brother, standing at 5'3 height, was all limbs and his hair remained the same, glowing when the sun touched it. He huffed. He hadn’t realized his brother was attractive to other people either. He had always been the one sheltered from any forward or outright sexual advances. The more he thought about it one of his friends- Charlie dubbed Chucky cheese by Duo- let it slip that he thought Duo was beautiful. His friend was even eyeing his brother like that.
He knew Charlie was gay. He respected his preferences. Although, he found it a little hard to listen to him talk about his sexual trysts with his on again/off again boyfriend and how he loved being a bottom boy.
Solo didn’t really mind though... at least Charlie had a choice in the matter. He didn’t want to think about Charlie’s preferences on a more personal level. Thoughts like those touched on darker things that he preferred to leave buried. He had hoped that someday with the taichi classes that he’d be able to face his fears, part of that fear was homosexuality for him. Someday soon... he knew he was placing too much faith in something like that but it was helping him, and the professor saw it as well.
He didn’t think all men, gay or other wise, were out to get him but when he was younger on L2 that was a different story. A fuck was a fuck and if you didn't have support, there was no one to care if you were willing or not. He gritted his teeth and forced his thoughts back to Charlie. The thought of him brought a lazy smile to his face. He’d met more reserved gay people than Charlie at their old school. He chuckled to himself, he wouldn’t judge or reject someone because of their sexuality or his own past.
Actually, he didn’t know what he preferred but he knew he liked Tabitha. She was older than him by a year and under similar restrictions that at least got her to room with someone she knew. It was the same with Charlie, although he was the same age as him, his rich family got him excused from curfews and bound by fewer restrictions. And he came to the conclusion that money did matter even at Darlian: both Tabitha and Charlie had it from their families and his family didn't.
No, he wasn’t bitter.
No, he wasn’t complaining.
Sally was cool and she made him feel more than welcome but he couldn’t imagine being on Earth or any where actually without his brother, mom or Tabitha. Hilde was another matter entirely. He could do without her. There had been a time when he was jealous of her and they both had vied for Duo’s attention. She constantly egged him on about the littlest things, babied him which he hated, but she was his sister in every aspect of the word. Even though he wouldn’t burn in hell for her, he couldn’t imagine life without her. . . well maybe, if he closed his eyes and tried really hard to pretend he didn't know her.
So maybe he was still a little jealous. . . bitter even, but he'd do everything he could for her even if it meant going to hell to bring her back. He definitely wouldn't stay, though. Maybe if she needed rescuing from some place nice like Kaua'i or Beijing.
There are three things he considered absolutes: watching the stars from Earth is better, he liked french fries from fresh potatoes (he'll ask Duo to make some when he got home), Duo wasn't gay and Heero's a jackass. Ok so maybe there were four things. He was certain of Duo's preferences, how could he not be with all the girlfriends he had. But sex, sex was something they joked but never felt the need to brag about. If they went out and got laid, they did it and that was that. Somehow this brought him back to thinking about that Yuy guy. He glared at the innocent wall across from him, if he could he knew there would've been a sizable, smoking hole there right about now.
He'd watched Heero; he was a model student/overachiever who excelled in any activity but only participated in the swim team which he was captain of, helped out Zechs with the track team and kept his class standing at number one with extreme prejudice. What he didn't get was that why such a popular, highly sought after guy that he saw damn fine girls flocked to at his slightest utterance intentional or no (Relena was never far behind), and would purposely blow them off. He thought of several possibilities: the guy was either gay, on some serious narcotics, or a basket case with dominance issues. He decided that he was all of the above with a humorless snort and felt wary of the day the nut would crack. He gritted his teeth and decided that he'd make sure Duo was nowhere around him when that happened.
He remembered the grip the guy had on his brother the first time they had met him and his mind drew up the worst case scenario which he quickly blocked out. His mantra from years ago resurfaced as he rocked on the sofa and his lips soundlessly said the words: Not all men are like Quin. Those words helped him focus when he was in a crowd but did little to silence the echoes of darker thoughts and wants... needs he wouldn’t acknowledge, needs that an eight-year-old should have never known about. He never told anyone that Quin had found something in him that made him enjoy it. He never told anyone that the itch to feel it again never left him. The Sister never knew what some of the older kids at the Church gave him in exchange for their free kindness, but he never let them touch him. He let no one touch him for almost a year after that happened, no one except his brother. He flushed in embarrassment at the memory of how he had offered himself to Duo back then. He had to remind his eight-year-old self that that wasn't something brothers did with each other, that Quin was never their brother.
He remembered how the news of there acceptance brought him both joy and fear; fear of never knowing why he could still feel him or why Quin could do something so hurtful to them, and then turn around and call them his brothers as if it never happened. Then there were the nightmares. . . . He just wanted it to be over. Gods did he. He wanted what Father Maxwell had spoken of one time in service, closure (1).
So during the week before they left for Earth, he took matters into his own hands and went to confront Quin. He never told Duo that he had gone to visit him. He knew if he had, he wouldn’t have denied his brother coming with him and if he told their mother he would have folded to his mothers’ dissuasion. He had needed it.
It didn't keep his mind preoccupied for long as he took in his surroundings. There were two muscle men near the door, cloaked in the shadow there and a man who eyed him with a predatory expression leaning against an unmarked sedan near the curb. He glared at the man and walked defiantly passed the bouncers without a glance in their directions. He hadn’t considered the danger he was putting himself in by going alone and not telling anyone. Especially since he was skipping two classes to be there. There was no way he was going at night, not with Jadea for a mother. He could see it now, their mother would've had him across her knee on the steps to the club, beating the hell out of his ass before he could get a foot inside. Oh they had a cool, but she was tough as nails. She had said more than once to him, when he rebelled against her for keeping them under lock and key, that no matter how old he was he'd never be too old for a butt whopping.
He shivered. He hoped it wouldn't come to that if his family somehow found out and that would mean that he got caught up in the danger he was pointedly ignoring. He found an unoccupied booth and told the server to tell Quin his name and nothing more. The server suggested that he take another seat, Solo glared at him until he left to deliver his message. Twenty four minutes later, Solo was drumming his fingers on the table, wondering if it would be considered ‘chickening out’ if he left after an hour. He decided to distract himself by studying Quin’s place of work. From what he could tell, The Rox wasn’t all that bad during its daytime hours. The drifters -usually druggies and prostitutes,- clubgoers, and spectators in nondescript vehicles that one expected to find loitering around the club were mostly gone. The mellow quiet was enhanced by the soft jazz playing in the background, the soft lights and the fresh smell of coffee made Solo liken it to the street side cafes he’d seen on TV.
He looked at the clock above the bar, 0930... two minutes later. Have you ever notice that when you’re waiting on something time passes by a whole lot slower? Well Solo noticed. He was missing class right now, class with Tabitha. He psyched himself up. He needed to do this. A pretty server in clean, casual black slacks and an off-red blouse took and brought back his order for a cinnamon roll and a closed, pint of milk. He was munching on that when a shirtless, auburn haired man strolled by disrupting his imaginings that the Rox was indeed a café instead of a club. The tall, sinewy muscled man was wearing loosely tied, silk pajama bottoms that sat low on his narrow hips. He went to the bartender and greeted him, well aware of the appreciative looks he was receiving from the serving girl Solo had met a few moments before.
He rolled his eyes and caught sight of a small book, ‘Daily Grain’ it said. He picked up the paper pamphlet, turning it over in his hands when he saw creased pages, folded edges and thought people in the club must have used it for scratch paper or to give out an odd number or two. He opened it expecting to see such, but instead the folded pages were reference points and page marks much like he did when saw something of interest in a book he was reading. Before he could do further investigation, the pamphlet was snatched out of his hands. He met two vacant yellow-tinged, hazel eyes set in an older, familiar face. Solo carefully kept his face blank and swallowed the last of his cinnamon roll as the man sat across from him. They stared at each other for a long while and Solo would have gladly patted himself on the back for not shivering or getting up and leaving before finding out what he needed to know.
“So you were never our brother.” Solo stated coolly, his eyes taking in the pained expression that flitted across Quin’s face.
“No, but I had never intended...” Quin gripped the pamphlet, turning his head to press his lips against the back of his raised, slack fingers. He hadn't expected Solo to say that with such absolution, the two of them meant so much to him. He grimaced at the cackling he heard echoing from somewhere he couldn't place.
Solo arched a pale brow at Quin's reaction and half apology, taking in the man sitting across from him. He didn’t all look like the terrifying man from his dreams; he looked hurt, lost and lonely. His long auburn hair held back by a simple black clamp at the base of his neck. Quin's appearance wasn't the only noticeable change since that night; he spoke proper, that was the best way he could describe it. He spoke a little like Quatre did when he talked to the administrative staff at Darlian over the phone, like Brianna when she bragged about her family lines. He sounded upperclass, but time had passed and time changed things, people changed... he hoped.
“Yon, Solo,” The use of his name brought Solo out his thoughts and Quin’s answering smirk erased the sympathy he'd felt as Quin gestured toward the pamphlet he tapped against his hand, “you know this doesn’t belong to you.” Quin stilled in his movements, looking at the page Solo had opened it to. He looked up from the pamphlet and spoke, “...As they say what goes around comes around... Especially when you are me and your mother dies from overdosing while in labor with you.” He laughed humorlessly.
Solo sat motionless, his mouth forming an ‘o’ at the bitterness and utter hopelessness wrapped in Quin’s every word. It made him wonder if that’s how he would sound if he was left alone with his thoughts. Fortunately, he rarely had time to himself and he made sure he didn’t so he wouldn’t have too much time to think about the stuff he tried to keep buried. Though he had thought that he was pretty messed up before coming to see Quin, he shivered feeling the empty stare passing over him and knew he was a far cry from the ‘messed up’ Quin was. He wouldn’t feel sorry for him, but he’d admit he cared... a little and pushed away the whisper that said it was something more.
Quin continued on talking, his voice becoming thicker with each word, “A drug addict’s baby who no one wanted to deal with except for ou- your Mother. No matter what – Jadea did to help me, no matter how much she lost to her own parents to keep me... I ended up back in it all... Swallowed up by it.”
Solo was shaken by Quin’s ominous tone. He forgot the questions he wanted answered when he felt those vacant eyes touching him again.
“And you know what, Solo? I get drunk off it every day.” Quin licked his gloss-covered lips. His husky voice sent a shiver of need through Solo when he realized that Quin had never stopped watching him, “Want a taste?”
Solo bit his bottom lip at the feeling he fought down. Was this the temptation that Father Maxwell had spoken about in his sermons? Solo was brought out of his thoughts by a thump to his forehead. He glared at Quin as he withdrew his hand with the pamphlet curled in it.
Quin snorted a laugh. “Don’t give what I say too much thought, lil brother.”
“I’m not your brother. So don’t call me that.” Solo seethed, noticing that Quin changed the subject again; changed his expression with this one that was teasingly nervous while the other one wanted to devour him.
“Then what,” Quin leaned forward, his muscles flexing with the movement, “what, pray tell, would you like me to call you... love.” Quin smirked at the light blush that covered Solo’s cheeks.
Solo fumed, he hadn’t expected this. He really didn’t know what he expected. He had just wanted to settle things. “You sound like a prostitute.” Solo bit out, surprised at himself and feeling confused by the hurt look that crossed Quin’s face before it disappeared like it did before.
“Ha ha... I’m many things. But, Love, one thing you should take to heart... I’m not something you want to mess with.” Quin said his sly expression becoming blank as he tilted his head to the side and rested his cheek on his upraised fist while he flipped the pamphlet through the air with his other hand. All the while, he watched Solo through the corners of his eyes. “‘Who can make him clean that is conceived of unclean seed?’ And walk according to the flesh. Don’t dirty yourself with me. Go home little boy” (2). Quin said with a dismissive wave of his hand as he sat up.
Solo was shocked into remembrance of Father Maxwell’s sermons and bible lessons. During that lesson he had felt as though they were being watched and that eerie feeling had come back to him, making him wonder if Quin had been there. If it wasn’t for the lascivious smile he bore, Solo would have thought that he meant the apology in his voice. He knew the verses, Father Maxwell hadn’t forced them to learn it, he knew it and its meaning wasn’t the way Quin was playing with its interpretation. It wasn’t meant to be dark, empty and final.
“... the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold in sin”(3). Quin had begun talking so softly that he hadn’t heard the majority of what he was saying until he raised his head and leveled yellow tinged eyes with his.
“It also says that you should embrace the Spirit and let it dwell in you. Live by and walk according to the Spirit and it says that you can be helped, you are not damned” (4). Solo remembered it from the sermon, Quin had been there, and he suddenly found himself reiterating as best he could the part Quin chose to ignore. He swallowed in disbelief. He was advocating for Quin, trying to get him to believe that there was hope. Arguing with him using Bible verses of all things! Today was not going like he had thought at all.
All expression melted from Quin’s face at the hopefully sound in Solo’s voice. 'Absolution?' He dismissed it and resigned himself for whatever kind of Hell fate had in store for him. It seemed only right with all the sins he committed. He was certain that there was no ‘saving’ him. No, he couldn’t deny his need of Crystalis and willingly gave into his urges, the needs of the flesh... his mind.
He laughed hysterically. "What are you trying to do Solo? Save my soul?"
Solo started, at first seeing the thoughtful look of the man that reminded him of his brother before... before what happened years ago, had him hoping that maybe they could get him back. But the laugh and now the lecherous look made him want to run away. He surprised himself again with his own resolve and remained sitting. He didn't know what he hoped to accomplish by debating with Quin over this whatever it was they were doing, but a part of him wanted him back. Wanted things to be back to the way things used to be, none of the hurt or the violation, the pain or the lies. He held Quin’s empty gaze... for what had been there was gone again and it made him shiver. He pulled the ends of his jacket together as his hands trembled, trying to make quick work of the zipper. He zipped it midway, leaving it and the movement of his hands unseen by the high table.
“There is no hope for me Solo.” Quin said with a leer. “If I must quote again, then know this, little man, it is not that easy a thing.” Quin tapped one manicured finger nail on the side of his head as he spoke, “‘For the mind is an enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God.’ There is no saving me, So-Low”(4). Quin chuckled and leaned more across the table, his eyes roving over the defiant expression on Solo’s face.
“I-I’ve always believed that there is ‘good’ in even the most wicked of people. Quin, you were never like this before. I-I think it is the drugs, if you -“
“Don’t! Don’t tell me what you ‘think’ the problem is. You KNOW nothing.” He grounded out through clenched teeth, after he pounded his fist against the table. It pained him, he wanted to be free of the blood on his hands, to be free and happy like others but after what was done to him, he couldn’t touch another person without them becoming addicted to more than just his body. He felt himself being pulled down again, beneath the welcoming blanket of numbness that he loved and the pain of reality slipping away. He felt his eyes move on their own accord. He saw them rack over the form of the young man that Solo was becoming and that sent a tendril of excitement through him. He bit down on his tongue, trying to hold on to this lucid moment. He continued more quietly, “You’ve tainted yourself long enough by being in my company, you should go before I add to the list of things that no number of ‘hail Marys’ will give me penance for.”
The sorrowful sound in Quin’s voice threw Solo for another loop. He was confused and wanted to ask him more, his curiosity overcoming his instincts telling him to ‘go’, but before he could Quin took the decision out of his hands. He rose stiffly, his eyes downcast and escaped to the back of the club.
Solo leaned over the coffee table and let the pin fly across his spiral notebook; he wrote down any activities he could think of that Duo was participating in and his own extracurricular activities. He was so ensconced in writing that he didn’t notice the scantily clothed body moving about the room.
The observer milled around by the door and then went into the fridge to scoop out a bottle of Sunny D. He sashayed over to the window, glancing back at Solo’s hunched over form through black lined gray eyes. He shifted his weight to his right foot, his tight hip-hugging acid black jeans slipping down to show pale skin. He sat down on the arm of the couch and ran his hand through his spiked black-blue streaked fringe, pushing it back passed the bar piercing in the top of his left ear. He made a popping noise with his mouth when Solo failed to acknowledge him. Then he moved to huffing and pouting, which seemed to prompt Solo to turn away without even a glance in his direction.
He stretched out with his left arm sliding along the back of the couch, trying to get comfortable. Soon, he was on his knees on the arm of the couch trying to peer over Solo’s shoulder and see what had captured his friends full attention. He only saw Heero’s name and then Duo’s on the sheet he was writing on. His bottom lip puckered and he wondered why Solo was so concerned about Heero ‘stone face’ Yuy when he acted like the charismatic teen on more than one occasion. Now being one of those occasions, he was ignoring him when he had come all this way (from the next dorm over) to brighten up his day.
He thought of the other boy as one of the nerdy types, his head was always in a book and he was too shy to tell Tabitha he wanted to be more than just friends. But on second look, no one could see anything that said ‘geek’ about him but he could see the stoicism in a broody sort of way that was similar to the Asian teen Solo couldn't stand. 'Hmm it makes sense.' He cupped his chin with his thumb and index finger in thought as he gave Solo the once over before continuing his thought, 'Two people who are so alike wouldn't be able to stand being around each other for too long.'
“Charlie.”
“Hm?” He said intelligently, blinking at Solo who hadn't moved an inch.
“Quit studying me.”
Charlie gave a nervous chuckle in response.
Solo sighed and put down his pencil to give his friend some attention. “Ch, you’re worse than a cat.”
Charlie laughed and slinked down the arm of the couch to rest his head on Solo’s shoulder. “Hey So’ lets go to the club? It’ll be fun and keep my mind off things.”
Solo arched a golden brow.
“Yea, we broke up again but this time for good. He’s into some stuff now that I don’t want to be apart of.” He shut his eyes tightly and tentatively put his hand on Solo’s lower arm and scooted closer.
“Drugs.”
Charlie didn’t move. He exhaled loudly in unspoken agreement, “I thought maybe I’d try a little but he did things that I wasn’t ... I didn’t think people did that sort of thing.” Charlie blushed and rubbed at his nose with the back of his hand still covered by his long sleeved shirt. He hated it when he blushed it always made his nose itch or made him sneeze. “I-I know I talk about sex all the time Solo, but me and Jason weren’t all that crazy with it. We had mutual agreement to leave the S and M stuff alone.” He shrugged and smiled to himself. “We got off on kinkiness though, but he-”
“He didn’t hurt you did he, cuz-”
“No.” He answered quickly, Solo’s tone was dark and it made him look up at his friend who continued to stare off at nothing. He settled back against Solo and continued when Solo remained quiet. “No, we just did a few things that I didn’t feel comfortable with. He wanted more of the drugs. He wanted me to take more of the drugs too but not the powdered kind I tried before. He assured me it would work faster then the few crystals I ate.” Charlie sighed and shrugged, “I didn’t want to so I refused and he said it was over, threw me out of his apartment in the middle of the night with just the sheet that covered me and left. Sally came and got me. I was a blubbering mess. I’m all right though. It not much different from all the other fights we’ve had that lead us to breaking up for some reason. Just ‘cause he’s 20 doesn’t mean I let him boss me around! I guess. . . I guess this time it’s just permanent now.”
“It’s best.”
Charlie chuckled without the humor. Solo was more like Yuy then he cared to realize with his two word sentences and catchalls. They sat quietly for awhile, Charlie began to doze, quite comfortable on his Solo pillow. He thought about how life would be much simpler if he was the cat Solo always said he was, he was pretty sure he'd be purring now. ‘Maybe he'd be interested in experiment?’ He wondered briefly before discarding the thought all together. Solo was much like Duo, in that he was open and inviting, but that was only to the people he let get close. More than three fourths of the time he was intimidating in his handsomeness and kept to himself. Charlie lazily traced the line of Solo’s jaw with his eyes to the space where it met his ear.
He wondered if Solo would blush if he touched him there. It looked inviting, so very inviting. ‘ So tempting...’ He thought biting his lip as he settled for a one-armed hug around Solo’s waist. Although he told Solo that he was fine, he felt like he was dying on the inside. He knew sex was the worst way of dealing with his problems, but it was his best cooping mechanism and Solo smelled really good.
“Chuck?”
“Hm?” Charlie responded, his nose twitching at the heat there as leaned into Solo so he could bring his knees up to his chest to hide his arousal.
“You said that after your first time with Jason you felt loose?”
Charlie sat up and nodded his answer to him even though his brows bunched together in thought with a small smile. What had he been thinking just now? He thought it was an odd thing for Solo to bring up, even though he had told him they could talk to each other about anything. Ask any question. But this, he shrugged at the coincidence and stretched out on the couch. It was a little embarrassing to him because Solo still wore a straight face but there was the barest hint of a blush in his cheeks and he smiled, relaxing. It was incredibly cute.
“So is ‘loose booty’ the reason why you and other gay guys walk with a swish... I guess that’s the best way...nah a twist, yea, in your walk?”
Charlie blinked his kohl lined grays at Solo and laughed at the serious expression he found there.
“‘Loose booty’!” He laughed again, rubbing the glee from the corners of his eyes, his heart lighter.
Solo pouted with a slight smirk, his friend was smiling again, “Are you done now?”
Charlie held his side. “Just give me a minute,” he breathed. “Damn, only a Maxwell would come up with a phrase to describe something I couldn’t.”
Solo smiled and Charlie’s eyes misted, his heart warmed at the sight. “I hadn’t known I twisted that much.” ‘I didn’t know you were watching, damn my heart’s a fickle thing.’ “I really didn’t know and I can see you doing a study on the looseness of butts and people calling the police on you for being a pervert and debased.”
“Hmm... I could have a statement for them to read saying its for the good of all to know the source of twitching butts.” The corners of his mouth twitched as he held back his laugh to keep the serious expression on his face.
Charlie blinked, “Eh?” He looked at Solo’s serious expression and swallowed. “So’ you weren’t actually... seriously considering doing some sort of study-”
Solo burst out laughing, unable to keep it in any longer.
“Damn So’, you had me thinking you’d lost all the marbles in that pretty blonde head of yours.” Charlie pouted and snatched up the sheets with Solo’s scrawl all over them from the table. He then held them behind his back when his friend tried to take them back. “You should go do something.”
“I was doing something before you interrupted me.” Solo scowled through his amused smile as he reached again for his kidnaped papers.
Charlie bounced over to the next couch pillow, jerking and shoving them under one jean clad butt cheek. He smiled. “You know, they say it’s not healthy to be working so hard, let alone be abandoned to one’s own thoughts."
Even though Charlie had been referring to himself, Solo had a knowing look on his face and acquiesced with a nod in agreement. He picked up his things, leaving his captured papers with Charlie and went to drop his stuff off in his room. Charlie sighed, collapsing back against the couch. He resigned himself to being left behind, after all he had suggested that he, i.e., Solo go and do something. Solo didn’t seem interested in going to the club. ‘There was no we in that little statement anyways.’ He thought bitterly, stretching out on the couch while bouncing one foot off the side when Solo grabbed his hands and pulled him up and toward the door.
“Lets go.”
He smiled and tilted his head to the side in wonder when Solo didn't let go of his hand once they were out on the foyer.
Tbc...
(1) referenced Mathew 18:15-17
This passage is said to be more about 'resolution' between two people who have wronged eachother, I don't know if it really applies to Solo's situation but this is how he interprets it.
(2) job14:4
(3) romans 7:14
(4) Romans chapter 8
Title borrowed from the Smashing Pumpkins.
AN: Sorry for the long wait... been editing like crazy, working on another story and life has its influences as well. Thank you for your comments and you know it would have been interesting if Trowa had seen Duo and Quatre on the couch (smiles). And Solo... we'll just have to wait and see.
I think updates will be about a month apart, I'll do my best to keep it no longer than that.
Warnings: POV shifts, guyxguy stuff, angst, religious rectoric, see first chap for full spiel.
Pairings: eventual 1x2, 3x4, 5xS, Solox?. . .
---xXxXxXx--- means transition or scene change
Feedback is always welcomed.
Denial
by priscel
eleven.1- The ending is the beginning
“~ . . . ~” song lyrics
17th of August, 195 Thursday
In the lounge there was a conference vid phone, of course they all had phones in their rooms, but this one was mostly used for interstellar calls. It was costly to use it and Solo argued with his brother that they didn’t need to use it that much. Duo only smiled and worked a few more hours at his part time job to make sure that they would be able to call home without any problems.
After orientation, their advisors set up a mock run of what their full schedule would be like and how much it didn’t differ from the college set up. Their advisors told them to enjoy the last four days of their break, but the respite was too brief for Solo. He stormed through the lounge, furious with his advisor and himself. Professor O had set up his schedule for him to continue his enrollment in taichi. He hadn’t minded it at first, Prof O was hard and constantly admonished him when he couldn’t concentrate but at the same time he encouraged him. He appreciated it more than the professor would ever know because it made him feel more grounded, filling in that empty feeling that lurked deep inside him. Before the classes with Prof O, he had frequent bouts of depression that dragged him down if Duo wasn’t around to pull him out of it. His brother was his reprieve, his never-ending smiles and hope-filled aspirations helped in so many ways. He was ecstatic about the class, it meant he wouldn’t have to be so dependent on Duo. He ‘was,’ meaning in the past, his advisor had informed him of the time change today and that he wouldn’t permit for him to stop attending. He didn’t want to stop going either and he agreed to the terms not noticing what his teacher meant. His advisors’ words hadn’t sunk in until he opened the door to their dorm. While it was good to practice with Wu Fei, that left him little time to wake Duo up and no one else on the floor to keep an eye on that Yuy guy or for Duo to harass. He sighed heavily, when he wasn’t there before he could always count on Duo’s love to harass Wufei to involuntarily separate him from his roommate. Duo was too forgiving sometimes.
His shoulders drooped and he sighed once more as he compiled a list of people he could ask. He thought of asking Trowa or Quatre, but changed his mind when he remembered the heavy schedule they had. The only consolation for the two was that they were free the whole hour for lunch. He then thought about asking Hilde or Tabitha. He swallowed nervously, they had forgiven Heero as well and prodded the boy before he sent them scurrying with those death glares of his. Hilde was a nuisance, and he had to agree with Heero there. She had this plotting look about her, almost like that smug Catalonia girl . . . . He shivered. He wouldn't leave his brother to either one of them.
He sighed to himself as he dropped his satchel on Sally’s couch and ran his hand through his now shoulder length and dark blond hair. In a month’s time they had all undergone changes: darker skin, a few pounds here and there, and a growth spurt. He was the one who'd changed the most. He had never used the term 'tan' in regards to himself or anyone else for that matter, until they came to Earth. In a few weeks, the weight he gained filled out his wiry frame and the Earthen sun made his pale peach skin a darker shade. 'Tan, but a peachy tan.' He snorted in amusement at himself as he turned his hand over, thinking of how close he was to their mother’s complexion while Duo kept his pale, peach one.
Duo was still his little 'big' brother, standing at 5'3 height, was all limbs and his hair remained the same, glowing when the sun touched it. He huffed. He hadn’t realized his brother was attractive to other people either. He had always been the one sheltered from any forward or outright sexual advances. The more he thought about it one of his friends- Charlie dubbed Chucky cheese by Duo- let it slip that he thought Duo was beautiful. His friend was even eyeing his brother like that.
He knew Charlie was gay. He respected his preferences. Although, he found it a little hard to listen to him talk about his sexual trysts with his on again/off again boyfriend and how he loved being a bottom boy.
Solo didn’t really mind though... at least Charlie had a choice in the matter. He didn’t want to think about Charlie’s preferences on a more personal level. Thoughts like those touched on darker things that he preferred to leave buried. He had hoped that someday with the taichi classes that he’d be able to face his fears, part of that fear was homosexuality for him. Someday soon... he knew he was placing too much faith in something like that but it was helping him, and the professor saw it as well.
He didn’t think all men, gay or other wise, were out to get him but when he was younger on L2 that was a different story. A fuck was a fuck and if you didn't have support, there was no one to care if you were willing or not. He gritted his teeth and forced his thoughts back to Charlie. The thought of him brought a lazy smile to his face. He’d met more reserved gay people than Charlie at their old school. He chuckled to himself, he wouldn’t judge or reject someone because of their sexuality or his own past.
Actually, he didn’t know what he preferred but he knew he liked Tabitha. She was older than him by a year and under similar restrictions that at least got her to room with someone she knew. It was the same with Charlie, although he was the same age as him, his rich family got him excused from curfews and bound by fewer restrictions. And he came to the conclusion that money did matter even at Darlian: both Tabitha and Charlie had it from their families and his family didn't.
No, he wasn’t bitter.
No, he wasn’t complaining.
Sally was cool and she made him feel more than welcome but he couldn’t imagine being on Earth or any where actually without his brother, mom or Tabitha. Hilde was another matter entirely. He could do without her. There had been a time when he was jealous of her and they both had vied for Duo’s attention. She constantly egged him on about the littlest things, babied him which he hated, but she was his sister in every aspect of the word. Even though he wouldn’t burn in hell for her, he couldn’t imagine life without her. . . well maybe, if he closed his eyes and tried really hard to pretend he didn't know her.
So maybe he was still a little jealous. . . bitter even, but he'd do everything he could for her even if it meant going to hell to bring her back. He definitely wouldn't stay, though. Maybe if she needed rescuing from some place nice like Kaua'i or Beijing.
There are three things he considered absolutes: watching the stars from Earth is better, he liked french fries from fresh potatoes (he'll ask Duo to make some when he got home), Duo wasn't gay and Heero's a jackass. Ok so maybe there were four things. He was certain of Duo's preferences, how could he not be with all the girlfriends he had. But sex, sex was something they joked but never felt the need to brag about. If they went out and got laid, they did it and that was that. Somehow this brought him back to thinking about that Yuy guy. He glared at the innocent wall across from him, if he could he knew there would've been a sizable, smoking hole there right about now.
He'd watched Heero; he was a model student/overachiever who excelled in any activity but only participated in the swim team which he was captain of, helped out Zechs with the track team and kept his class standing at number one with extreme prejudice. What he didn't get was that why such a popular, highly sought after guy that he saw damn fine girls flocked to at his slightest utterance intentional or no (Relena was never far behind), and would purposely blow them off. He thought of several possibilities: the guy was either gay, on some serious narcotics, or a basket case with dominance issues. He decided that he was all of the above with a humorless snort and felt wary of the day the nut would crack. He gritted his teeth and decided that he'd make sure Duo was nowhere around him when that happened.
He remembered the grip the guy had on his brother the first time they had met him and his mind drew up the worst case scenario which he quickly blocked out. His mantra from years ago resurfaced as he rocked on the sofa and his lips soundlessly said the words: Not all men are like Quin. Those words helped him focus when he was in a crowd but did little to silence the echoes of darker thoughts and wants... needs he wouldn’t acknowledge, needs that an eight-year-old should have never known about. He never told anyone that Quin had found something in him that made him enjoy it. He never told anyone that the itch to feel it again never left him. The Sister never knew what some of the older kids at the Church gave him in exchange for their free kindness, but he never let them touch him. He let no one touch him for almost a year after that happened, no one except his brother. He flushed in embarrassment at the memory of how he had offered himself to Duo back then. He had to remind his eight-year-old self that that wasn't something brothers did with each other, that Quin was never their brother.
He remembered how the news of there acceptance brought him both joy and fear; fear of never knowing why he could still feel him or why Quin could do something so hurtful to them, and then turn around and call them his brothers as if it never happened. Then there were the nightmares. . . . He just wanted it to be over. Gods did he. He wanted what Father Maxwell had spoken of one time in service, closure (1).
So during the week before they left for Earth, he took matters into his own hands and went to confront Quin. He never told Duo that he had gone to visit him. He knew if he had, he wouldn’t have denied his brother coming with him and if he told their mother he would have folded to his mothers’ dissuasion. He had needed it.
- - - xXxX (Flashback) XxXx- - -
Solo walked under the banner above the door that stated, ‘The Rox Restaurant - Open for lunch and Dinner -Sunday brunch only’ in red slanted script. ‘Brunch?’ he wondered and forced himself through the front door before he lost his nerve. He distracted himself going over the word again, wondering what time of day it actually represented.It didn't keep his mind preoccupied for long as he took in his surroundings. There were two muscle men near the door, cloaked in the shadow there and a man who eyed him with a predatory expression leaning against an unmarked sedan near the curb. He glared at the man and walked defiantly passed the bouncers without a glance in their directions. He hadn’t considered the danger he was putting himself in by going alone and not telling anyone. Especially since he was skipping two classes to be there. There was no way he was going at night, not with Jadea for a mother. He could see it now, their mother would've had him across her knee on the steps to the club, beating the hell out of his ass before he could get a foot inside. Oh they had a cool, but she was tough as nails. She had said more than once to him, when he rebelled against her for keeping them under lock and key, that no matter how old he was he'd never be too old for a butt whopping.
He shivered. He hoped it wouldn't come to that if his family somehow found out and that would mean that he got caught up in the danger he was pointedly ignoring. He found an unoccupied booth and told the server to tell Quin his name and nothing more. The server suggested that he take another seat, Solo glared at him until he left to deliver his message. Twenty four minutes later, Solo was drumming his fingers on the table, wondering if it would be considered ‘chickening out’ if he left after an hour. He decided to distract himself by studying Quin’s place of work. From what he could tell, The Rox wasn’t all that bad during its daytime hours. The drifters -usually druggies and prostitutes,- clubgoers, and spectators in nondescript vehicles that one expected to find loitering around the club were mostly gone. The mellow quiet was enhanced by the soft jazz playing in the background, the soft lights and the fresh smell of coffee made Solo liken it to the street side cafes he’d seen on TV.
He looked at the clock above the bar, 0930... two minutes later. Have you ever notice that when you’re waiting on something time passes by a whole lot slower? Well Solo noticed. He was missing class right now, class with Tabitha. He psyched himself up. He needed to do this. A pretty server in clean, casual black slacks and an off-red blouse took and brought back his order for a cinnamon roll and a closed, pint of milk. He was munching on that when a shirtless, auburn haired man strolled by disrupting his imaginings that the Rox was indeed a café instead of a club. The tall, sinewy muscled man was wearing loosely tied, silk pajama bottoms that sat low on his narrow hips. He went to the bartender and greeted him, well aware of the appreciative looks he was receiving from the serving girl Solo had met a few moments before.
He rolled his eyes and caught sight of a small book, ‘Daily Grain’ it said. He picked up the paper pamphlet, turning it over in his hands when he saw creased pages, folded edges and thought people in the club must have used it for scratch paper or to give out an odd number or two. He opened it expecting to see such, but instead the folded pages were reference points and page marks much like he did when saw something of interest in a book he was reading. Before he could do further investigation, the pamphlet was snatched out of his hands. He met two vacant yellow-tinged, hazel eyes set in an older, familiar face. Solo carefully kept his face blank and swallowed the last of his cinnamon roll as the man sat across from him. They stared at each other for a long while and Solo would have gladly patted himself on the back for not shivering or getting up and leaving before finding out what he needed to know.
“So you were never our brother.” Solo stated coolly, his eyes taking in the pained expression that flitted across Quin’s face.
“No, but I had never intended...” Quin gripped the pamphlet, turning his head to press his lips against the back of his raised, slack fingers. He hadn't expected Solo to say that with such absolution, the two of them meant so much to him. He grimaced at the cackling he heard echoing from somewhere he couldn't place.
Solo arched a pale brow at Quin's reaction and half apology, taking in the man sitting across from him. He didn’t all look like the terrifying man from his dreams; he looked hurt, lost and lonely. His long auburn hair held back by a simple black clamp at the base of his neck. Quin's appearance wasn't the only noticeable change since that night; he spoke proper, that was the best way he could describe it. He spoke a little like Quatre did when he talked to the administrative staff at Darlian over the phone, like Brianna when she bragged about her family lines. He sounded upperclass, but time had passed and time changed things, people changed... he hoped.
“Yon, Solo,” The use of his name brought Solo out his thoughts and Quin’s answering smirk erased the sympathy he'd felt as Quin gestured toward the pamphlet he tapped against his hand, “you know this doesn’t belong to you.” Quin stilled in his movements, looking at the page Solo had opened it to. He looked up from the pamphlet and spoke, “...As they say what goes around comes around... Especially when you are me and your mother dies from overdosing while in labor with you.” He laughed humorlessly.
Solo sat motionless, his mouth forming an ‘o’ at the bitterness and utter hopelessness wrapped in Quin’s every word. It made him wonder if that’s how he would sound if he was left alone with his thoughts. Fortunately, he rarely had time to himself and he made sure he didn’t so he wouldn’t have too much time to think about the stuff he tried to keep buried. Though he had thought that he was pretty messed up before coming to see Quin, he shivered feeling the empty stare passing over him and knew he was a far cry from the ‘messed up’ Quin was. He wouldn’t feel sorry for him, but he’d admit he cared... a little and pushed away the whisper that said it was something more.
Quin continued on talking, his voice becoming thicker with each word, “A drug addict’s baby who no one wanted to deal with except for ou- your Mother. No matter what – Jadea did to help me, no matter how much she lost to her own parents to keep me... I ended up back in it all... Swallowed up by it.”
Solo was shaken by Quin’s ominous tone. He forgot the questions he wanted answered when he felt those vacant eyes touching him again.
“And you know what, Solo? I get drunk off it every day.” Quin licked his gloss-covered lips. His husky voice sent a shiver of need through Solo when he realized that Quin had never stopped watching him, “Want a taste?”
Solo bit his bottom lip at the feeling he fought down. Was this the temptation that Father Maxwell had spoken about in his sermons? Solo was brought out of his thoughts by a thump to his forehead. He glared at Quin as he withdrew his hand with the pamphlet curled in it.
Quin snorted a laugh. “Don’t give what I say too much thought, lil brother.”
“I’m not your brother. So don’t call me that.” Solo seethed, noticing that Quin changed the subject again; changed his expression with this one that was teasingly nervous while the other one wanted to devour him.
“Then what,” Quin leaned forward, his muscles flexing with the movement, “what, pray tell, would you like me to call you... love.” Quin smirked at the light blush that covered Solo’s cheeks.
Solo fumed, he hadn’t expected this. He really didn’t know what he expected. He had just wanted to settle things. “You sound like a prostitute.” Solo bit out, surprised at himself and feeling confused by the hurt look that crossed Quin’s face before it disappeared like it did before.
“Ha ha... I’m many things. But, Love, one thing you should take to heart... I’m not something you want to mess with.” Quin said his sly expression becoming blank as he tilted his head to the side and rested his cheek on his upraised fist while he flipped the pamphlet through the air with his other hand. All the while, he watched Solo through the corners of his eyes. “‘Who can make him clean that is conceived of unclean seed?’ And walk according to the flesh. Don’t dirty yourself with me. Go home little boy” (2). Quin said with a dismissive wave of his hand as he sat up.
Solo was shocked into remembrance of Father Maxwell’s sermons and bible lessons. During that lesson he had felt as though they were being watched and that eerie feeling had come back to him, making him wonder if Quin had been there. If it wasn’t for the lascivious smile he bore, Solo would have thought that he meant the apology in his voice. He knew the verses, Father Maxwell hadn’t forced them to learn it, he knew it and its meaning wasn’t the way Quin was playing with its interpretation. It wasn’t meant to be dark, empty and final.
“... the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold in sin”(3). Quin had begun talking so softly that he hadn’t heard the majority of what he was saying until he raised his head and leveled yellow tinged eyes with his.
“It also says that you should embrace the Spirit and let it dwell in you. Live by and walk according to the Spirit and it says that you can be helped, you are not damned” (4). Solo remembered it from the sermon, Quin had been there, and he suddenly found himself reiterating as best he could the part Quin chose to ignore. He swallowed in disbelief. He was advocating for Quin, trying to get him to believe that there was hope. Arguing with him using Bible verses of all things! Today was not going like he had thought at all.
All expression melted from Quin’s face at the hopefully sound in Solo’s voice. 'Absolution?' He dismissed it and resigned himself for whatever kind of Hell fate had in store for him. It seemed only right with all the sins he committed. He was certain that there was no ‘saving’ him. No, he couldn’t deny his need of Crystalis and willingly gave into his urges, the needs of the flesh... his mind.
He laughed hysterically. "What are you trying to do Solo? Save my soul?"
Solo started, at first seeing the thoughtful look of the man that reminded him of his brother before... before what happened years ago, had him hoping that maybe they could get him back. But the laugh and now the lecherous look made him want to run away. He surprised himself again with his own resolve and remained sitting. He didn't know what he hoped to accomplish by debating with Quin over this whatever it was they were doing, but a part of him wanted him back. Wanted things to be back to the way things used to be, none of the hurt or the violation, the pain or the lies. He held Quin’s empty gaze... for what had been there was gone again and it made him shiver. He pulled the ends of his jacket together as his hands trembled, trying to make quick work of the zipper. He zipped it midway, leaving it and the movement of his hands unseen by the high table.
“There is no hope for me Solo.” Quin said with a leer. “If I must quote again, then know this, little man, it is not that easy a thing.” Quin tapped one manicured finger nail on the side of his head as he spoke, “‘For the mind is an enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God.’ There is no saving me, So-Low”(4). Quin chuckled and leaned more across the table, his eyes roving over the defiant expression on Solo’s face.
“I-I’ve always believed that there is ‘good’ in even the most wicked of people. Quin, you were never like this before. I-I think it is the drugs, if you -“
“Don’t! Don’t tell me what you ‘think’ the problem is. You KNOW nothing.” He grounded out through clenched teeth, after he pounded his fist against the table. It pained him, he wanted to be free of the blood on his hands, to be free and happy like others but after what was done to him, he couldn’t touch another person without them becoming addicted to more than just his body. He felt himself being pulled down again, beneath the welcoming blanket of numbness that he loved and the pain of reality slipping away. He felt his eyes move on their own accord. He saw them rack over the form of the young man that Solo was becoming and that sent a tendril of excitement through him. He bit down on his tongue, trying to hold on to this lucid moment. He continued more quietly, “You’ve tainted yourself long enough by being in my company, you should go before I add to the list of things that no number of ‘hail Marys’ will give me penance for.”
The sorrowful sound in Quin’s voice threw Solo for another loop. He was confused and wanted to ask him more, his curiosity overcoming his instincts telling him to ‘go’, but before he could Quin took the decision out of his hands. He rose stiffly, his eyes downcast and escaped to the back of the club.
- - - xXxX (End Flashback) XxXx- - -
He pulled the copies of his and his brother’s schedules and pieced together what he knew of the others. Solo was so absorbed in trying to fix his schedule that he didn’t hear the door softly close. He’d slammed the door when he’d came in, but the door rebounded from the force of it. He didn’t care to notice it because more often than not the door was always unlocked. Duo, Solo, Hilde and Tabitha had questioned it at first but quickly fell in-sync with everyone else. It was safe. Only other students had key cards to the dorms, the janitorial staff, security, Dean, and RLCs. The doors even auto-locked at 10 pm and unlocked again at 6am. Though the new recruits from L2 made sure they locked the door when they weren’t there and at night.Solo leaned over the coffee table and let the pin fly across his spiral notebook; he wrote down any activities he could think of that Duo was participating in and his own extracurricular activities. He was so ensconced in writing that he didn’t notice the scantily clothed body moving about the room.
The observer milled around by the door and then went into the fridge to scoop out a bottle of Sunny D. He sashayed over to the window, glancing back at Solo’s hunched over form through black lined gray eyes. He shifted his weight to his right foot, his tight hip-hugging acid black jeans slipping down to show pale skin. He sat down on the arm of the couch and ran his hand through his spiked black-blue streaked fringe, pushing it back passed the bar piercing in the top of his left ear. He made a popping noise with his mouth when Solo failed to acknowledge him. Then he moved to huffing and pouting, which seemed to prompt Solo to turn away without even a glance in his direction.
He stretched out with his left arm sliding along the back of the couch, trying to get comfortable. Soon, he was on his knees on the arm of the couch trying to peer over Solo’s shoulder and see what had captured his friends full attention. He only saw Heero’s name and then Duo’s on the sheet he was writing on. His bottom lip puckered and he wondered why Solo was so concerned about Heero ‘stone face’ Yuy when he acted like the charismatic teen on more than one occasion. Now being one of those occasions, he was ignoring him when he had come all this way (from the next dorm over) to brighten up his day.
He thought of the other boy as one of the nerdy types, his head was always in a book and he was too shy to tell Tabitha he wanted to be more than just friends. But on second look, no one could see anything that said ‘geek’ about him but he could see the stoicism in a broody sort of way that was similar to the Asian teen Solo couldn't stand. 'Hmm it makes sense.' He cupped his chin with his thumb and index finger in thought as he gave Solo the once over before continuing his thought, 'Two people who are so alike wouldn't be able to stand being around each other for too long.'
“Charlie.”
“Hm?” He said intelligently, blinking at Solo who hadn't moved an inch.
“Quit studying me.”
Charlie gave a nervous chuckle in response.
Solo sighed and put down his pencil to give his friend some attention. “Ch, you’re worse than a cat.”
Charlie laughed and slinked down the arm of the couch to rest his head on Solo’s shoulder. “Hey So’ lets go to the club? It’ll be fun and keep my mind off things.”
Solo arched a golden brow.
“Yea, we broke up again but this time for good. He’s into some stuff now that I don’t want to be apart of.” He shut his eyes tightly and tentatively put his hand on Solo’s lower arm and scooted closer.
“Drugs.”
Charlie didn’t move. He exhaled loudly in unspoken agreement, “I thought maybe I’d try a little but he did things that I wasn’t ... I didn’t think people did that sort of thing.” Charlie blushed and rubbed at his nose with the back of his hand still covered by his long sleeved shirt. He hated it when he blushed it always made his nose itch or made him sneeze. “I-I know I talk about sex all the time Solo, but me and Jason weren’t all that crazy with it. We had mutual agreement to leave the S and M stuff alone.” He shrugged and smiled to himself. “We got off on kinkiness though, but he-”
“He didn’t hurt you did he, cuz-”
“No.” He answered quickly, Solo’s tone was dark and it made him look up at his friend who continued to stare off at nothing. He settled back against Solo and continued when Solo remained quiet. “No, we just did a few things that I didn’t feel comfortable with. He wanted more of the drugs. He wanted me to take more of the drugs too but not the powdered kind I tried before. He assured me it would work faster then the few crystals I ate.” Charlie sighed and shrugged, “I didn’t want to so I refused and he said it was over, threw me out of his apartment in the middle of the night with just the sheet that covered me and left. Sally came and got me. I was a blubbering mess. I’m all right though. It not much different from all the other fights we’ve had that lead us to breaking up for some reason. Just ‘cause he’s 20 doesn’t mean I let him boss me around! I guess. . . I guess this time it’s just permanent now.”
“It’s best.”
Charlie chuckled without the humor. Solo was more like Yuy then he cared to realize with his two word sentences and catchalls. They sat quietly for awhile, Charlie began to doze, quite comfortable on his Solo pillow. He thought about how life would be much simpler if he was the cat Solo always said he was, he was pretty sure he'd be purring now. ‘Maybe he'd be interested in experiment?’ He wondered briefly before discarding the thought all together. Solo was much like Duo, in that he was open and inviting, but that was only to the people he let get close. More than three fourths of the time he was intimidating in his handsomeness and kept to himself. Charlie lazily traced the line of Solo’s jaw with his eyes to the space where it met his ear.
He wondered if Solo would blush if he touched him there. It looked inviting, so very inviting. ‘ So tempting...’ He thought biting his lip as he settled for a one-armed hug around Solo’s waist. Although he told Solo that he was fine, he felt like he was dying on the inside. He knew sex was the worst way of dealing with his problems, but it was his best cooping mechanism and Solo smelled really good.
“Chuck?”
“Hm?” Charlie responded, his nose twitching at the heat there as leaned into Solo so he could bring his knees up to his chest to hide his arousal.
“You said that after your first time with Jason you felt loose?”
Charlie sat up and nodded his answer to him even though his brows bunched together in thought with a small smile. What had he been thinking just now? He thought it was an odd thing for Solo to bring up, even though he had told him they could talk to each other about anything. Ask any question. But this, he shrugged at the coincidence and stretched out on the couch. It was a little embarrassing to him because Solo still wore a straight face but there was the barest hint of a blush in his cheeks and he smiled, relaxing. It was incredibly cute.
“So is ‘loose booty’ the reason why you and other gay guys walk with a swish... I guess that’s the best way...nah a twist, yea, in your walk?”
Charlie blinked his kohl lined grays at Solo and laughed at the serious expression he found there.
“‘Loose booty’!” He laughed again, rubbing the glee from the corners of his eyes, his heart lighter.
Solo pouted with a slight smirk, his friend was smiling again, “Are you done now?”
Charlie held his side. “Just give me a minute,” he breathed. “Damn, only a Maxwell would come up with a phrase to describe something I couldn’t.”
Solo smiled and Charlie’s eyes misted, his heart warmed at the sight. “I hadn’t known I twisted that much.” ‘I didn’t know you were watching, damn my heart’s a fickle thing.’ “I really didn’t know and I can see you doing a study on the looseness of butts and people calling the police on you for being a pervert and debased.”
“Hmm... I could have a statement for them to read saying its for the good of all to know the source of twitching butts.” The corners of his mouth twitched as he held back his laugh to keep the serious expression on his face.
Charlie blinked, “Eh?” He looked at Solo’s serious expression and swallowed. “So’ you weren’t actually... seriously considering doing some sort of study-”
Solo burst out laughing, unable to keep it in any longer.
“Damn So’, you had me thinking you’d lost all the marbles in that pretty blonde head of yours.” Charlie pouted and snatched up the sheets with Solo’s scrawl all over them from the table. He then held them behind his back when his friend tried to take them back. “You should go do something.”
“I was doing something before you interrupted me.” Solo scowled through his amused smile as he reached again for his kidnaped papers.
Charlie bounced over to the next couch pillow, jerking and shoving them under one jean clad butt cheek. He smiled. “You know, they say it’s not healthy to be working so hard, let alone be abandoned to one’s own thoughts."
Even though Charlie had been referring to himself, Solo had a knowing look on his face and acquiesced with a nod in agreement. He picked up his things, leaving his captured papers with Charlie and went to drop his stuff off in his room. Charlie sighed, collapsing back against the couch. He resigned himself to being left behind, after all he had suggested that he, i.e., Solo go and do something. Solo didn’t seem interested in going to the club. ‘There was no we in that little statement anyways.’ He thought bitterly, stretching out on the couch while bouncing one foot off the side when Solo grabbed his hands and pulled him up and toward the door.
“Lets go.”
He smiled and tilted his head to the side in wonder when Solo didn't let go of his hand once they were out on the foyer.
Tbc...
(1) referenced Mathew 18:15-17
This passage is said to be more about 'resolution' between two people who have wronged eachother, I don't know if it really applies to Solo's situation but this is how he interprets it.
(2) job14:4
(3) romans 7:14
(4) Romans chapter 8
Title borrowed from the Smashing Pumpkins.
AN: Sorry for the long wait... been editing like crazy, working on another story and life has its influences as well. Thank you for your comments and you know it would have been interesting if Trowa had seen Duo and Quatre on the couch (smiles). And Solo... we'll just have to wait and see.
I think updates will be about a month apart, I'll do my best to keep it no longer than that.