Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Diary Of A Murderer ❯ Chapter 1
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: RayneCarnver 
Disclaimer: I dun own the Gundam Wing *tear*
~*~:::Diary of a Murderer:::~*~
Diary Entry #153: July 5th::
They arrested me today. It took them damn long enough. I was so close to turning myself in, or turning the gun on myself. Yeah, the damn thing still sits on the night stand where I left it that night. Its hard to believe its only been three days. Feels like an eternity. But anyways.
They knocked on the door and I knew who they were. The Preventers alongside the local cops. I just sat at the bottom of the bed and watched them break down the door. They flooded the apartment, guns pointed at my head. I didn’t move, didn’t blink, didn’t really care.
They allowed me to grab a few things of mine. Through the haze that covered my mind I heard one to the Preventers say something to another one. “I never thought we’d have to arrest another Preventer, least of all this one.” The others had nodded their heads in agreement. I then realized the one that had spoken was familiar. I glanced at her helmet and saw the marking on the cheek. I nodded slightly to her, and she turned her head. It stung that one of my best friends would do that to me, but I deserved it. She had every right to shun me. I already shunned myself.
As I was led out of the apartment building, reporters swarmed around me. I heard pieces of their reports. “Worst murder this colony has seen in years.” That was the only one that actually filtered into my mind. I knew what they thought of me. I was a murderer, a madman. But I knew things they didn’t. Things they would never know.
It was the first time I’d been out of my apartment in three days. I was glad to get out of the musty apartment. I knew that the cops would ransack the place, looking for clues to my insanity. They wouldn’t find much, other than a gun and a few kilos of cocaine and a bunch of other drugs.
I don’t really remember when I started doing drugs. It was just a fun past time. Never thought it would lead to the death... I’m not going to think about it any more than I absolutely have to. Not yet at least. I know that I will have a long time to sit and think about it. I wish I could turn back time. But wishing never got a man anywhere. Not this man at least.
Diary Entry #154: July 10th::
I’ve been sitting in this God forsaken prison for four days already. No one has come to visit me. I’m not surprised. The inmates whisper behind my back. I don’t have to hear them, I know what they say.
During meals, we are able to watch tv. Its not a privilege; its torture. Today was the most interesting news coverage, I have to admit. I heard a name blare from the speakers. The others turned their eyes towards me, not daring to move their heads.
“Authorities say that they may have figured out the cause of the brutal murder of Heero Yuy, pilot of the Wing Zero Gundam,” the news anchor said, her voice calm. “Our journalist, Harrison Jelich covered the story.” There was a flicker on the screen, showing a middle aged man standing outside a ragged apartment building. My building.
“Thank you, Amanda,” the man said. “I am currently standing outside of the apartment building in which the suspect of last week’s murder, Duo Maxwell, was arrested. Authorities have confirmed the findings of over fifty kilograms of drugs, including cocaine and marijuana. Also in an autopsy of the victim, they found evidence of a more brutal murder than at first suspected. The coroner, Adam Ferrings, found that the gun wound to the chest was the primary cause of death. Also, he found many large bruises and cuts that he said were caused before the death of Mr Yuy. There is much evidence that claims that Duo Maxwell beat him severely before firing the shot that ultimately ended his life. Ferrings told authorities that had Mr Yuy not been shot, he would have escaped with at the least massive brain trauma. Ferrings told reporters earlier that he is ready to testify in court against Mr Maxwell. The court date is set for July 20th, just a few days from now. Back to you, Amanda.”
“It seems that Mr Maxwell will have quite a time defending himself, Harrison,” the screen was divided between the anchorwoman and the reporter.
“Yes, he will,” Harrison responded with a slight nod. “We will see at his court date to plead tomorrow.”
I clenched my teeth and forced myself not to scream out as loud as I could. I wasn’t even going to try to plead not guilty. I’m going to ask for the death penalty. Damn bastards, don’t know what they’re talking about.
They cut off my braid. Its strange, but I don’t mind much. Memories were braided in with that God awful thing. Memories of people I turned my back on way before I killed Heero. Yes, I admit it. I killed him.
Diary Entry #155: July 11th:
Made my plead today. Damn well pissed off my lawyer. Don’t need him anyways. He’s just another lazy bastard. Making my life more of a hell than it already is. Before the court appearance, he decided he was going to tell me what to say.
“So,” He said, eyeing me from across the table. “What are you going to say when they ask you for your plead?”
“Guilty,” I replied with no feelings betrayed in my voice. I had become accustomed, in the last few days, to ignoring my emotions. Speaking without feelings. I no longer depend on the happy-go-lucky mask I used to wear. “Guilty and seeking the death penalty.”
This obviously threw him off guard. He blinked wide eyed at me for a few moments.
“You know,” he said after about a minute of loud annoying coughing. “If you plead do plead guilty, you can get a reduced sentence.”
“I don’t want one.”
“Huh,” his eyes were wide. He heard me well enough, I didn’t repeat myself. Just then there was a knock on the door and a pretty girl stuck her head in and told me the judge was ready. I was escorted to the court room by three large guards and trailed by a large group of journalists. I didn’t mind them.
“Duo Maxwell,” The judge, a large, bald man, said in a deep voice. “You are accused of the beating and murder of Heero Yuy. How do you plead?”
“Guilty.”
I felt wide eyes lock on me. I didn’t show emotions. I didn’t feel emotions.
The judge glanced at the district attorney and cleared his throat. “I assume you’re pleading guilty for a lesser sentence?”
“No,” I didn’t bother with the respect. “I ask for the death penalty.”
There was a collective gasp around the room. I had the urge to smile. I believe I felt a muscle twitch in my jaw, but nothing came of it.
“Alright,” the judge coughed again, which I found more than slightly annoying. “You still have to go through a trial, you are aware?” I nodded slightly. The judge wrote something with a long, black pen and turned his beady eyes back towards me.
“You’re court date is in nine days, as planned.”
I turned without acknowledging any one else and waited until the police were ready to escort me out. We left quickly, once again ignoring the journalists.
When I returned to the prison, all the other inmates averted their eyes from my own. They had seen the hearing. They were all murderers, but none of them had ever killed their own best friend. Only I was that messed up.
Later, I collapsed onto my bed and stared at the ceiling for a few hours. The others were out in the exercise area. I still keep myself away from everyone else. When I checked my watch it was only six in the afternoon. Every moment passed like an eternity in hell. I realized then I was going to spend the rest of eternity in hell so it didn’t matter much what time it was, or day. When you have no hope, there’s no reason to bother anymore.
Quatre would kill me for that comment. Not like I care anymore. I won’t see him, or any of the others ever again. If I’m lucky, when they execute me, I’ll see Heero and apologize, but I don’t think that will happen.
I lost track of time then, so I don’t know what time it was when the guard game to get me. I had a visitor. I couldn’t think of who it could be. Who would bother to see me? I rolled off my bed and followed him through a corridor I’d never seen before. He opened a thick metal door at the end and motioned me in.
The room was an empty, ten foot square with only a table and two chairs in the middle. The chair closest to me was pulled a bit back from the table and on the table in front of it were handcuffs to hold a prisoner to the table. I sat reluctantly in the chair and allowed myself to be chained down. When I was secured in the chair, a door on the opposite side of the room opened.
I knew who it was before she even finished crossing the threshold. Her blonde hair and sharp eyes were as they always were, her face, though, showed age she didn’t possess. She put her dark pink purse, that perfectly matched her suit, on the table and glared at me.
“Are you sorry?” Relena had snapped at me.
“Didn’t you see the hearing?” I didn’t blink at her.
“Yes, but that doesn’t answer my question,” her eyes burned with anger and pain.
“I am sorry, I wish I could take it back,” I answered truthful. “But I can’t, so I’ll take my punishment.”
“Why’d you do it?” Her voice was tired. I looked into her eyes.
“Because he tried to help me.”
“What?”
“I was an addict, Relena,” I said harshly, the first sign I had shown of emotions since that night. “He tried to take my drugs. I was high... and armed. I told him not to, but he did anyway.”
“So you think he deserved it?”
“No, no one deserves that, especially when they’re trying to help their friend.”
“Well, since you think you know how much you hurt us,” she straightened her back, her hands rubbing together. “I think I’ll tell you just how much you messed up my life.” With an amazing speed and strength, she smacked me across my face. Immediately, blood began spilling from the thin slice across my cheek. I looked at her hand for the first time. She turned the large diamond ring back to its normal position. She grabbed her purse and began to walk out. Just as the door was shutting she turned to me. “Heero and I were supposed to elope today.” She disappeared into her freedom and her life. I know I will never see her again, and neither of us regret it, I’m sure.
Diary Entry #156: July 14th:
I had another visitor today, except this time it was for a different reason.
Quatre had tried to talk me into letting his lawyers represent me and get me off. He wanted me to go into rehab, to get rid of my “problem”. He doesn’t understand what my problem is.
“After a few months in rehab and the year or two in prison you’ll probably get, you’ll be fine. No more problems, Duo, don’t you get it?” Quatre had smiled at me kindly, his eyes slightly tearing.
“No.”
“Duo...”
“No, Quatre,” I snapped. “Don’t you get it? I did something horrible and I have to take the punishment.”
“Duo, you didn’t do it, the drugs did,” Quatre said, touching my hand lightly. The chains wouldn’t let me pull away.
“You weren’t there, Quatre, you don’t know what happened.”
“I know that you would have never hurt anyone, you never had before.”
“No one took anything that I needed to live before.”
Quatre had sighed. “Tell me why then?”
“Why what?”
“You started doing drugs?”
“You should know that.”
“Hilde...”
“Yes,” I didn’t want to hear her name, but I deserved to be tortured, I deserved to be hurt. “She left me. I had nothing else to trust in.”
“I tried to support you, though.”
“You only supported my addiction.”
“Duo, you’re stronger than that. I know you. You were always the one looking on the bright side, always laughing. You always made us smile, even Heero-”
“Shut up,” I yelled, cutting him off. “I don’t want your help. I want to die. End of story. Please leave me alone.”
“Fine,” Quatre stood from the chair, his shoulders hunched a bit. “It seems that I can’t change your mind. I’m sorry it had to end this way, I truly am. Since it seems positive that you’ll get the death penalty, I will tell you now, since this is the last time we’ll talk. You were a great friend, no matter what happened to you. You’ll always be in my heart and mind.”
I had only turned away. Tears stung my eyes. Apparently after all that has happened, I still could be hurt. I heard something drop of the metal table and then a few moments late I heard the door shut. Quatre was gone.
I finally allowed myself to look up and saw a folder on the table. The guard came in and unchained me. He allowed me to take the folder with me back to my cell.
I forced myself to wait hours until I opened the folder. It was full of pictures. Pictures of us five gundam pilots, all smiling and fooling around. Most of them were me pulling pranks or making people laugh. I shifted slowly through the pictures, my heart weeping the entire time. My hands froze at the last picture.
It was a picture from last summer, when had gotten together at a beach resort, when I was only beginning my addiction. It was of Heero and me trying to push each other under the huge waves. We were both laughing, both having the time of our lives. We were the best of friends, neither of us had known the dark cloud that would soon envelope both our lives. A cloud of smoke and drugs.
I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.
Diary Entry #157: July 20th:
I got it. I got the death penalty. The reporters had said before the trial that it was supposed to take weeks for the jury to reach a decision. The trial was about two hours long and the jury took fifteen minutes to reach a verdict. When the guy had read their verdict I didn’t know whether I should cry or laugh. I did neither. I just sat, emotionless.
I still don’t know what to think but I am thankful for one thing. I don’t have to wait long. They set my execution for the 23rd. That is one thing I can wait for though.
Quatre, Trowa, Relena, and Wufei were all at the trial. I had only glanced at them as I walked in and I tried not to look at them when I was in the witness box. But one thing in the back had caught my attention. A familiar pair of eyes that I hadn’t seen in nearly a year and a half. They were unmistakable. Hilde had come to the trial.
As soon as I realized she was there, I wanted to run and hide. I also wanted to yell out that it was her fault my life was trashed, that I was facing death, that Heero was gone. But I had just acted like I hadn’t seen her. I had just calmly continued my story of what had happened that night.
I told them how I had gotten high out in a bar somewhere. How I returned home to find my apartment broken into and the majority of my drugs gone. How I knew who would do that. How I found Heero getting into his car behind the apartment building. How I had pulled my gun out on him and told him to give back my drugs. How he refused. How I had attacked him and he managed to get my gun from me. How I had pulled a metal bar from the dumpster and beat him. How I had screamed at him as I shot at his partially dead body. How the last thing he had said to me was “I forgive you.” How I had left him there and took my drugs back up to my apartment and sat there for days until I was arrested.
The jury had been disgusted. They grimaced when they looked at me. How half of them had given me the look that said you-got-what-you-deserved-you-dirty-crack-whore when their verdict had been read.
True, I had gotten what I deserved but I also got what I wanted. Their hatred and death.
Diary Entry #158: July 23rd:
I’m going to die in about an hour. I welcome it now more than ever. I wonder, though. Did Heero know he was going to die if he tried to take my drugs? I don’t know, and frankly, I don’t care anymore. All I care about is dying for my sin. I welcome an eternity in hell. Some may say I’ve gone insane. Maybe I have. But who gives a fuck anymore. I’m as good as dead now. Pretty soon, I’ll be a memory, just like Heero. Maybe he’s laughing at me right now. I hope he is. I hope he hates me. I hope he wants me to die. I hope he wants me to die painfully. I heard the injection isn’t painful though. Sorry, Heero, no more pain for me. The guard’ll be coming to get me soon. Goodbye and good riddance!
Afterwards by Quatre Rebarbra Winner:
Duo Maxwell died of the injection that afternoon. He was calm, but there was a strange light in his eyes that day. Anticipation, acceptance, and insanity I would say. The strangest thing of that day was when the prison doctor actually injected the poison into him. He had smiled. It was a true Duo smile, one we hadn’t seen since the summer before at the resort. He also had something in his fist that no one had noticed until he stopped breathing. It was the picture of him and Heero at the resort.
Trowa Barton, Chang Wufei, Relena Peacecraft and I were all there to witness Duo’s last moments. He didn’t look at us or acknowledge us until his last breath. That was when he smiled at us and said three words. “He forgave me.”
We buried him two days later. He was laid to rest at the Earth Sphere Cemetery on Earth right next to Heero Yuy. In his casket we also put the folder of pictures. The picture of him and Heero was returned to its place in his fist and will stay there for the rest of eternity.
We all have forgiven him and we pray that he forgave himself. We know that Heero forgave him before he died.
This year has been tough for us and I doubt any of us will ever get over it fully. But neither Heero nor Duo would want us to drag ourselves down. Knowing Heero he’d tell us, “Use it to make yourself stronger and tell others of, so it doesn’t happen to any one else.” Duo would tell us, “You guys can’t just let that take you down! You’re such wimps if you do. C’mon, at least smile!”
~Rayne~
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.04.2003 | Updated On: 11.04.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 5.6K | Visits: 400 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I dun own the Gundam Wing *tear*
~*~:::Diary of a Murderer:::~*~
Diary Entry #153: July 5th::
They arrested me today. It took them damn long enough. I was so close to turning myself in, or turning the gun on myself. Yeah, the damn thing still sits on the night stand where I left it that night. Its hard to believe its only been three days. Feels like an eternity. But anyways.
They knocked on the door and I knew who they were. The Preventers alongside the local cops. I just sat at the bottom of the bed and watched them break down the door. They flooded the apartment, guns pointed at my head. I didn’t move, didn’t blink, didn’t really care.
They allowed me to grab a few things of mine. Through the haze that covered my mind I heard one to the Preventers say something to another one. “I never thought we’d have to arrest another Preventer, least of all this one.” The others had nodded their heads in agreement. I then realized the one that had spoken was familiar. I glanced at her helmet and saw the marking on the cheek. I nodded slightly to her, and she turned her head. It stung that one of my best friends would do that to me, but I deserved it. She had every right to shun me. I already shunned myself.
As I was led out of the apartment building, reporters swarmed around me. I heard pieces of their reports. “Worst murder this colony has seen in years.” That was the only one that actually filtered into my mind. I knew what they thought of me. I was a murderer, a madman. But I knew things they didn’t. Things they would never know.
It was the first time I’d been out of my apartment in three days. I was glad to get out of the musty apartment. I knew that the cops would ransack the place, looking for clues to my insanity. They wouldn’t find much, other than a gun and a few kilos of cocaine and a bunch of other drugs.
I don’t really remember when I started doing drugs. It was just a fun past time. Never thought it would lead to the death... I’m not going to think about it any more than I absolutely have to. Not yet at least. I know that I will have a long time to sit and think about it. I wish I could turn back time. But wishing never got a man anywhere. Not this man at least.
Diary Entry #154: July 10th::
I’ve been sitting in this God forsaken prison for four days already. No one has come to visit me. I’m not surprised. The inmates whisper behind my back. I don’t have to hear them, I know what they say.
During meals, we are able to watch tv. Its not a privilege; its torture. Today was the most interesting news coverage, I have to admit. I heard a name blare from the speakers. The others turned their eyes towards me, not daring to move their heads.
“Authorities say that they may have figured out the cause of the brutal murder of Heero Yuy, pilot of the Wing Zero Gundam,” the news anchor said, her voice calm. “Our journalist, Harrison Jelich covered the story.” There was a flicker on the screen, showing a middle aged man standing outside a ragged apartment building. My building.
“Thank you, Amanda,” the man said. “I am currently standing outside of the apartment building in which the suspect of last week’s murder, Duo Maxwell, was arrested. Authorities have confirmed the findings of over fifty kilograms of drugs, including cocaine and marijuana. Also in an autopsy of the victim, they found evidence of a more brutal murder than at first suspected. The coroner, Adam Ferrings, found that the gun wound to the chest was the primary cause of death. Also, he found many large bruises and cuts that he said were caused before the death of Mr Yuy. There is much evidence that claims that Duo Maxwell beat him severely before firing the shot that ultimately ended his life. Ferrings told authorities that had Mr Yuy not been shot, he would have escaped with at the least massive brain trauma. Ferrings told reporters earlier that he is ready to testify in court against Mr Maxwell. The court date is set for July 20th, just a few days from now. Back to you, Amanda.”
“It seems that Mr Maxwell will have quite a time defending himself, Harrison,” the screen was divided between the anchorwoman and the reporter.
“Yes, he will,” Harrison responded with a slight nod. “We will see at his court date to plead tomorrow.”
I clenched my teeth and forced myself not to scream out as loud as I could. I wasn’t even going to try to plead not guilty. I’m going to ask for the death penalty. Damn bastards, don’t know what they’re talking about.
They cut off my braid. Its strange, but I don’t mind much. Memories were braided in with that God awful thing. Memories of people I turned my back on way before I killed Heero. Yes, I admit it. I killed him.
Diary Entry #155: July 11th:
Made my plead today. Damn well pissed off my lawyer. Don’t need him anyways. He’s just another lazy bastard. Making my life more of a hell than it already is. Before the court appearance, he decided he was going to tell me what to say.
“So,” He said, eyeing me from across the table. “What are you going to say when they ask you for your plead?”
“Guilty,” I replied with no feelings betrayed in my voice. I had become accustomed, in the last few days, to ignoring my emotions. Speaking without feelings. I no longer depend on the happy-go-lucky mask I used to wear. “Guilty and seeking the death penalty.”
This obviously threw him off guard. He blinked wide eyed at me for a few moments.
“You know,” he said after about a minute of loud annoying coughing. “If you plead do plead guilty, you can get a reduced sentence.”
“I don’t want one.”
“Huh,” his eyes were wide. He heard me well enough, I didn’t repeat myself. Just then there was a knock on the door and a pretty girl stuck her head in and told me the judge was ready. I was escorted to the court room by three large guards and trailed by a large group of journalists. I didn’t mind them.
“Duo Maxwell,” The judge, a large, bald man, said in a deep voice. “You are accused of the beating and murder of Heero Yuy. How do you plead?”
“Guilty.”
I felt wide eyes lock on me. I didn’t show emotions. I didn’t feel emotions.
The judge glanced at the district attorney and cleared his throat. “I assume you’re pleading guilty for a lesser sentence?”
“No,” I didn’t bother with the respect. “I ask for the death penalty.”
There was a collective gasp around the room. I had the urge to smile. I believe I felt a muscle twitch in my jaw, but nothing came of it.
“Alright,” the judge coughed again, which I found more than slightly annoying. “You still have to go through a trial, you are aware?” I nodded slightly. The judge wrote something with a long, black pen and turned his beady eyes back towards me.
“You’re court date is in nine days, as planned.”
I turned without acknowledging any one else and waited until the police were ready to escort me out. We left quickly, once again ignoring the journalists.
When I returned to the prison, all the other inmates averted their eyes from my own. They had seen the hearing. They were all murderers, but none of them had ever killed their own best friend. Only I was that messed up.
Later, I collapsed onto my bed and stared at the ceiling for a few hours. The others were out in the exercise area. I still keep myself away from everyone else. When I checked my watch it was only six in the afternoon. Every moment passed like an eternity in hell. I realized then I was going to spend the rest of eternity in hell so it didn’t matter much what time it was, or day. When you have no hope, there’s no reason to bother anymore.
Quatre would kill me for that comment. Not like I care anymore. I won’t see him, or any of the others ever again. If I’m lucky, when they execute me, I’ll see Heero and apologize, but I don’t think that will happen.
I lost track of time then, so I don’t know what time it was when the guard game to get me. I had a visitor. I couldn’t think of who it could be. Who would bother to see me? I rolled off my bed and followed him through a corridor I’d never seen before. He opened a thick metal door at the end and motioned me in.
The room was an empty, ten foot square with only a table and two chairs in the middle. The chair closest to me was pulled a bit back from the table and on the table in front of it were handcuffs to hold a prisoner to the table. I sat reluctantly in the chair and allowed myself to be chained down. When I was secured in the chair, a door on the opposite side of the room opened.
I knew who it was before she even finished crossing the threshold. Her blonde hair and sharp eyes were as they always were, her face, though, showed age she didn’t possess. She put her dark pink purse, that perfectly matched her suit, on the table and glared at me.
“Are you sorry?” Relena had snapped at me.
“Didn’t you see the hearing?” I didn’t blink at her.
“Yes, but that doesn’t answer my question,” her eyes burned with anger and pain.
“I am sorry, I wish I could take it back,” I answered truthful. “But I can’t, so I’ll take my punishment.”
“Why’d you do it?” Her voice was tired. I looked into her eyes.
“Because he tried to help me.”
“What?”
“I was an addict, Relena,” I said harshly, the first sign I had shown of emotions since that night. “He tried to take my drugs. I was high... and armed. I told him not to, but he did anyway.”
“So you think he deserved it?”
“No, no one deserves that, especially when they’re trying to help their friend.”
“Well, since you think you know how much you hurt us,” she straightened her back, her hands rubbing together. “I think I’ll tell you just how much you messed up my life.” With an amazing speed and strength, she smacked me across my face. Immediately, blood began spilling from the thin slice across my cheek. I looked at her hand for the first time. She turned the large diamond ring back to its normal position. She grabbed her purse and began to walk out. Just as the door was shutting she turned to me. “Heero and I were supposed to elope today.” She disappeared into her freedom and her life. I know I will never see her again, and neither of us regret it, I’m sure.
Diary Entry #156: July 14th:
I had another visitor today, except this time it was for a different reason.
Quatre had tried to talk me into letting his lawyers represent me and get me off. He wanted me to go into rehab, to get rid of my “problem”. He doesn’t understand what my problem is.
“After a few months in rehab and the year or two in prison you’ll probably get, you’ll be fine. No more problems, Duo, don’t you get it?” Quatre had smiled at me kindly, his eyes slightly tearing.
“No.”
“Duo...”
“No, Quatre,” I snapped. “Don’t you get it? I did something horrible and I have to take the punishment.”
“Duo, you didn’t do it, the drugs did,” Quatre said, touching my hand lightly. The chains wouldn’t let me pull away.
“You weren’t there, Quatre, you don’t know what happened.”
“I know that you would have never hurt anyone, you never had before.”
“No one took anything that I needed to live before.”
Quatre had sighed. “Tell me why then?”
“Why what?”
“You started doing drugs?”
“You should know that.”
“Hilde...”
“Yes,” I didn’t want to hear her name, but I deserved to be tortured, I deserved to be hurt. “She left me. I had nothing else to trust in.”
“I tried to support you, though.”
“You only supported my addiction.”
“Duo, you’re stronger than that. I know you. You were always the one looking on the bright side, always laughing. You always made us smile, even Heero-”
“Shut up,” I yelled, cutting him off. “I don’t want your help. I want to die. End of story. Please leave me alone.”
“Fine,” Quatre stood from the chair, his shoulders hunched a bit. “It seems that I can’t change your mind. I’m sorry it had to end this way, I truly am. Since it seems positive that you’ll get the death penalty, I will tell you now, since this is the last time we’ll talk. You were a great friend, no matter what happened to you. You’ll always be in my heart and mind.”
I had only turned away. Tears stung my eyes. Apparently after all that has happened, I still could be hurt. I heard something drop of the metal table and then a few moments late I heard the door shut. Quatre was gone.
I finally allowed myself to look up and saw a folder on the table. The guard came in and unchained me. He allowed me to take the folder with me back to my cell.
I forced myself to wait hours until I opened the folder. It was full of pictures. Pictures of us five gundam pilots, all smiling and fooling around. Most of them were me pulling pranks or making people laugh. I shifted slowly through the pictures, my heart weeping the entire time. My hands froze at the last picture.
It was a picture from last summer, when had gotten together at a beach resort, when I was only beginning my addiction. It was of Heero and me trying to push each other under the huge waves. We were both laughing, both having the time of our lives. We were the best of friends, neither of us had known the dark cloud that would soon envelope both our lives. A cloud of smoke and drugs.
I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.
Diary Entry #157: July 20th:
I got it. I got the death penalty. The reporters had said before the trial that it was supposed to take weeks for the jury to reach a decision. The trial was about two hours long and the jury took fifteen minutes to reach a verdict. When the guy had read their verdict I didn’t know whether I should cry or laugh. I did neither. I just sat, emotionless.
I still don’t know what to think but I am thankful for one thing. I don’t have to wait long. They set my execution for the 23rd. That is one thing I can wait for though.
Quatre, Trowa, Relena, and Wufei were all at the trial. I had only glanced at them as I walked in and I tried not to look at them when I was in the witness box. But one thing in the back had caught my attention. A familiar pair of eyes that I hadn’t seen in nearly a year and a half. They were unmistakable. Hilde had come to the trial.
As soon as I realized she was there, I wanted to run and hide. I also wanted to yell out that it was her fault my life was trashed, that I was facing death, that Heero was gone. But I had just acted like I hadn’t seen her. I had just calmly continued my story of what had happened that night.
I told them how I had gotten high out in a bar somewhere. How I returned home to find my apartment broken into and the majority of my drugs gone. How I knew who would do that. How I found Heero getting into his car behind the apartment building. How I had pulled my gun out on him and told him to give back my drugs. How he refused. How I had attacked him and he managed to get my gun from me. How I had pulled a metal bar from the dumpster and beat him. How I had screamed at him as I shot at his partially dead body. How the last thing he had said to me was “I forgive you.” How I had left him there and took my drugs back up to my apartment and sat there for days until I was arrested.
The jury had been disgusted. They grimaced when they looked at me. How half of them had given me the look that said you-got-what-you-deserved-you-dirty-crack-whore when their verdict had been read.
True, I had gotten what I deserved but I also got what I wanted. Their hatred and death.
Diary Entry #158: July 23rd:
I’m going to die in about an hour. I welcome it now more than ever. I wonder, though. Did Heero know he was going to die if he tried to take my drugs? I don’t know, and frankly, I don’t care anymore. All I care about is dying for my sin. I welcome an eternity in hell. Some may say I’ve gone insane. Maybe I have. But who gives a fuck anymore. I’m as good as dead now. Pretty soon, I’ll be a memory, just like Heero. Maybe he’s laughing at me right now. I hope he is. I hope he hates me. I hope he wants me to die. I hope he wants me to die painfully. I heard the injection isn’t painful though. Sorry, Heero, no more pain for me. The guard’ll be coming to get me soon. Goodbye and good riddance!
Afterwards by Quatre Rebarbra Winner:
Duo Maxwell died of the injection that afternoon. He was calm, but there was a strange light in his eyes that day. Anticipation, acceptance, and insanity I would say. The strangest thing of that day was when the prison doctor actually injected the poison into him. He had smiled. It was a true Duo smile, one we hadn’t seen since the summer before at the resort. He also had something in his fist that no one had noticed until he stopped breathing. It was the picture of him and Heero at the resort.
Trowa Barton, Chang Wufei, Relena Peacecraft and I were all there to witness Duo’s last moments. He didn’t look at us or acknowledge us until his last breath. That was when he smiled at us and said three words. “He forgave me.”
We buried him two days later. He was laid to rest at the Earth Sphere Cemetery on Earth right next to Heero Yuy. In his casket we also put the folder of pictures. The picture of him and Heero was returned to its place in his fist and will stay there for the rest of eternity.
We all have forgiven him and we pray that he forgave himself. We know that Heero forgave him before he died.
This year has been tough for us and I doubt any of us will ever get over it fully. But neither Heero nor Duo would want us to drag ourselves down. Knowing Heero he’d tell us, “Use it to make yourself stronger and tell others of, so it doesn’t happen to any one else.” Duo would tell us, “You guys can’t just let that take you down! You’re such wimps if you do. C’mon, at least smile!”
~Rayne~
Anime/Manga: Gundam Wing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.04.2003 | Updated On: 11.04.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 5.6K | Visits: 400 | Status: Completed
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Ðà àÌò òDiary€Entry€#155: €July€11òòthóó:Ð „Ô
Ðó óà àMade€my€plead€today.€€Dam n€well€pissed€off€my€lawyer.€€Donð ðt€need€him€anyways.€€Heð ðsÐ pÀ Ðjust€another€lazy€bastard.€€Making€my€life€more€of€a€hell€than€it€al ready€is.€€Before€the€courtÐ \¬ Ðappearance,€he€decided€òòhe€óówas€goin g€to€tell€òòme€óówhat€to€say.Ð H ˜ Ðà àð ðSo,ð ð€He€said,€eyeing€me€from€across€the€table.€€ð ðWhat€are€you€going€to€say€when€theyÐ 4„ Ðask€you€for€your€plead?ð ð€€Ð p Ðà àð ðGuilty,ð ð€I€replied€with€no€feelings€betrayed€in€my€voice.€ €I€had€become€accustomed,€in€theÐ \ Ðlast€few€days,€to€ignoring€my€emotions.€€Speaking€without€feelings.€ €I€no€longer€depend€on€theÐ øH Ðhappy„go„lucky€mask€I€used€to€wear.€€ð ðGuilty€and€seeking€the€death€penalty.ð ðÐ ä 4 Ðà àThis€obviously€threw€him€off€guard.€€He€bl inked€wide€eyed€at€me€for€a€few€moments.Ð Ð Ðà àð ðYou€know,ð ð€he€said€after€about€a€minute€of€loud€annoying€c oughing.€€ð ðIf€you€plead€doÐ ¼ Ðplead€guilty,€you€can€get€a€reduced€sentence.ð ðÐ ¨ ø Ðà àð ðI€donð ðt€want€one.ð ðÐ ” ä Ðà àð ðHuh,ð ð€his€eyes€were€wide.€€He€heard€me€well€enough,€I€didn ð ðt€repeat€myself.€€Just€thenÐ € Ð Ðthere€was€a€knock€on€the€door€and€a€pretty€girl€stuck€her€head€in€an d€told€me€the€judge€was€ready.€Ð l ¼ ÐI€was€escorted€to€the€court€room€by€three€large€guards€and€trailed€b y€a€large€group€of€journalists.€Ð X ¨ ÐI€didnð ðt€mind€them.Ð D!” Ðà àð ðDuo€Maxwell,ð ð€The€judge,€a€large,€bald€man,€said€in€a€deep €voice.€€ð ðYou€are€accused€ofÐ 0"€ Ðthe€beating€and€murder€of€Heero€Yuy.€€How€do€you€plead?ð ð& ETH; #l ! Ðà àð ðGuilty.ð ðÐ $X " Ðà àI€felt€wide€eyes€lock€on€me.€€I€didnð ðt€show€emotions.€€I€didnð ðt€feel€emotions.€€Ð & ocirc;$D # Ðà àThe€judge€glanced€at€the€district€attorney €and€cleared€his€throat.€€ð ðI€assume€youð ðreÐ à%0!$ Ðpleading€guilty€for€a€lesser€sentence?ð ðÐ &Igr ave;& "% Ðà àð ðNo,ð ð€I€didnð ðt€bother€with€the€respect.€€ð ðI€ask€for€the€death€penalty.ð ðÐ ¸'#& Ðà àThere€was€a€collective€gasp€around€the€roo m.€€I€had€the€urge€to€smile.€€I€believe€I€felt€aÐ ¤(&oci rc;#' Ðmuscle€twitch€in€my€jaw,€but€nothing€came€of€it.Ð )&agr ave;$( Ðà àð ðAlright,ð ð€the€judge€coughed€again,€which€I€found€more€than €slightly€annoying.€€ð ðYou€stillÐ |*Ì%) Ðhave€to€go€through€a€trial,€you€are€aware?ð ð€€I€nodded€sli ghtly.€€The€judge€wrote€something€with€aÐ h+¸&* Ðlong,€black€pen€and€turned€his€beady€eyes€back€towards€me.Ð T,¤'+ Ðà àð ðYouð ðre€court€date€is€in€nine€days,€as€planned.ð ð Ð @-(, Ðà àI€turned€without€acknowledging€any€one€els e€and€waited€until€the€police€were€ready€toÐ ° Ðescort€me€out.€€We€left€quickly,€once€again€ignoring€the€journalists .€€Ð œì Ðà àWhen€I€returned€to€the€prison,€all€the€oth er€inmates€averted€their€eyes€from€my€own.€€TheyÐ ˆØ Ðhad€seen€the€hearing.€€They€were€all€murderers,€but€none€of€them€had €ever€killed€their€own€bestÐ tÄ Ðfriend.€€Only€I€was€that€messed€up.à h àÐ `° Ðà àLater,€I€collapsed€onto€my€bed€and€stared€ at€the€ceiling€for€a€few€hours.€€The€others€wereÐ L œ Ðout€in€the€exercise€area.€€I€still€keep€myself€away€from€everyone€el se.€€When€I€checked€my€watchÐ 8
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8
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ˆ Ðfine.€€No€more€problems,€Duo,€donð ðt€you€get€it?ð &et h;€€Ô_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô€had€smil ed€at€me€kindly,€his€eyesÐ $ t Ðslightly€tearing.Ð ` Ðà àð ðNo.ð ðÐ ü L Ðà àð ðDuo...ð ðÐ è
8
Ðà àð ðNo,€Ô_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô,&e th; ð€I€snapped.€€ð ðDonð ðt€you€get€it?€€I€did€something€horrible€and€I€have€to€ takeÐ Ô$
Ðthe€punishment.ð ðÐ À Ðà àð ðDuo,€you€didnð ðt€do€it,€the€drugs€did,ð ð€Ô_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô€said,€touching€my€ha nd€lightly.€€The€chainsÐ ¬ü
Ðwouldnð ðt€let€me€pull€away.Ð ˜è Ðà àð ðYou€werenð ðt€there,€Ô_ ÔQuatre&Ocir c;_ Ô,€you€donð ðt€know€what€happened.ð &et h;Ð „Ô
Ðà àð ðI€know€that€you€would€have€never€hurt€anyone,€you€never€had€before.&e th; ðÐ pÀ Ðà àð ðNo€one€took€anything€that€I€needed€to€live€before.ð ðÐ \¬ Ðà àÔ_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô€had€sighed.€€ð ðTell€me€why€then?ð ðÐ H˜ Ðà àð ðWhy€what?ð ðÐ 4„ Ðà àð ðYou€started€doing€drugs?ð ðÐ p Ðà àð ðYou€should€know€that.ð ðÐ \ Ðà àð ðÔ_ ÔHildeÔ_ Ô...ð ðÐ øH Ðà àð ðYes,ð ð€I€didnð ðt€want€to€hear€her€name,€but€I€des erved€to€be€tortured,€I€deserved€to€be€hurt.€Ð ä4 Ðð ðShe€left€me.€€I€had€nothing€else€to€trust€in.ð ðÐ Ð Ðà àð ðI€tried€to€support€you,€though.ð ðÐ ¼ Ðà àð ðYou€only€supported€my€addiction.ð ðÐ ¨ &osla sh; Ðà àð ðDuo,€youð ðre€stronger€than€that.€€I€know€you.€€You€were€alw ays€the€one€looking€on€theÐ ” ä Ðbright€side,€always€laughing.€€You€always€made€us€smile,€even€Ô ;_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô„ð ðÐ € Ð Ðà àð ðShut€upò ò,ð ð€ó óI€yelled,€cutt ing€him€off.€€ð ðI€donð ðt€want€your€help.€€I€want€to€die.€€End€of€story.€&ET H; l ¼ ÐPlease€leave€me€alone.ð ðÐ \ ¬ Ðà àð ðFine,ð ð€Ô_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô€stood€from€the€chair,€his€shoulders€hunched€a€bit.€€ð ðIt€seems€that€I€canð ðtÐ H!˜ Ðchange€your€mind.€€Ið ðm€sorry€it€had€to€end€this€way,€I€tr uly€am.€€Since€it€seems€positive€that€youð ðllÐ 4" ;„ Ðget€the€death€penalty,€I€will€tell€you€now,€since€this€is€the€last€t ime€weð ðll€talk.€€You€were€a€greatÐ #p ! Ðfriend,€no€matter€what€happened€to€you.€€Youð ðll€always€be €in€my€heart€and€mind.ð ðÐ $\ " Ðà àI€had€only€turned€away.€€Tears€stung€my€ey es.€€Apparently€after€all€that€has€happened,€IÐ ø$H # Ðstill€could€be€hurt.€€I€heard€something€drop€of€the€metal€table€and€ then€a€few€moments€late€I€heardÐ ä%4!$ Ðthe€door€shut.€€Ô_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô€was€gone.€€Ð Ð& "% Ðà àI€finally€allowed€myself€to€look€up€and€sa w€a€folder€on€the€table.€€The€guard€came€in€andÐ ¼' #&am p; Ðunchained€me.€€He€allowed€me€to€take€the€folder€with€me€back€to€my€c ell.Ð ¨(ø#' Ðà àI€forced€myself€to€wait€hours€until€I€open ed€the€folder.€€It€was€full€of€pictures.€€Pictures€ofÐ ”)ä $( Ðus€five€Ô_ ÔgundamÔ_ &Ocir c;€pilots,€all€smiling€and€fooling€around.€€Most€of€them€were€me€pulling€pr anks€orÐ €*Ð%) Ðmaking€people€laugh.€€I€shifted€slowly€through€the€pictures,€my€hear t€weeping€the€entire€time.€€MyÐ l+¼&* Ðhands€froze€at€the€last€picture.Ð X,¨'+ Ðà àIt€was€a€picture€from€last€summer,€when€ha d€gotten€together€at€a€beach€resort,€when€I€wasÐ D-”(, Ðonly€beginning€my€addiction.€€It€was€of€Ô_ Ô HeeroÔ_ Ô€and€me€trying€to€push€each€other€under€th e€hugeÐ ° Ðwaves.€€We€were€both€laughing,€both€having€the€time€of€our€lives.€€W e€were€the€best€of€friends,Ð œì Ðneither€of€us€had€known€the€dark€cloud€that€would€soon€envelope€both €our€lives.€€A€cloud€ofÐ ˆØ Ðsmoke€and€drugs.Ð tÄ Ðà àI€couldnð ðt€hold€back€the€tears€ any€longer.Ð `° ÐÌò òDiary€Entry€#157:€July€20òòt hóó:€ó óÐ 8
ˆ Ðà àI€got€it.€€I€got€the€death€penalty.€€The€r eporters€had€said€before€the€trial€that€it€wasÐ $ t Ðsupposed€to€take€weeks€for€the€jury€to€reach€a€decision.€€The€trial€ was€about€two€hours€long€andÐ ` Ðthe€jury€took€fifteen€minutes€to€reach€a€verdict.€€When€the€guy€had€ read€their€verdict€I€didnð ðtÐ ü L Ðknow€whether€I€should€cry€or€laugh.€€I€did€neither.€€I€just€sat,€emo tionless.Ð è
8
Ðà àI€still€donð ðt€know€what€to€thin k€but€I€am€thankful€for€one€thing.€€I€donð ðt€have€to€wait€long.€& ETH; Ô$
ÐThey€set€my€execution€for€the€23òòrdóó .€€That€is€one€thing€I€can€wait€for€though.Ð À Ðà àÔ_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô,€Ô_ ÔTrowaÔ_ Ô,€Ô_ ÔRelenaÔ_ Ô,€a nd€Ô_ ÔWufeiÔ_ Ô€were€all€a t€the€trial.€€I€had€only€glanced€at€them€as€IÐ ¬ü
Ðwalked€in€and€I€tried€not€to€look€at€them€when€I€was€in€the€witness€ box.€€But€one€thing€in€theÐ ˜è Ðback€had€caught€my€attention.€€A€familiar€pair€of€eyes€that€I€hadn&e th; ðt€seen€in€nearly€a€year€and€aÐ „Ô
Ðhalf.€€They€were€unmistakable.€€Ô_ ÔHilde&Oc irc;_ Ô€had€come€to€the€trial.Ð pÀ Ðà àAs€soon€as€I€realized€she€was€there,€I€wan ted€to€run€and€hide.€€I€also€wanted€to€yell€outÐ \¬ Ðthat€it€was€her€fault€my€life€was€trashed,€that€I€was€facing€death,€ that€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô€was€gone .€€But€I€hadÐ H˜ Ðjust€acted€like€I€hadnð ðt€seen€her.€€I€had€just€calmly€con tinued€my€story€of€what€had€happened€thatÐ 4„ Ðnight.Ð p Ðà àI€told€them€how€I€had€gotten€high€out€in€a €bar€somewhere.€€How€I€returned€home€to€findÐ \ Ðmy€apartment€broken€into€and€the€majority€of€my€drugs€gone.€€How€I€k new€who€would€do€that.€Ð øH ÐHow€I€found€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ &O circ;€getting€into€his€car€behind€the€apartment€building.€€How€I€had€pulled €my€gunÐ ä4 Ðout€on€him€and€told€him€to€give€back€my€drugs.€€How€he€refused.€€How €I€had€attacked€him€and€heÐ Ð Ðmanaged€to€get€my€gun€from€me.€€How€I€had€pulled€a€metal€bar€from€th e€Ô_ ÔdumpsterÔ_ Ô€and€beat €him.€Ð ¼ ÐHow€I€had€screamed€at€him€as€I€shot€at€his€partially€dead€body.€€How €the€last€thing€he€had€said€toÐ ¨ ø Ðme€was€ð ðI€forgive€you.ð ð€€How€I€had€left€him€there€and€took€my€drug s€back€up€to€my€apartmentÐ ” ä Ðand€sat€there€for€days€until€I€was€arrested.Ð € Ð Ðà àThe€jury€had€been€disgusted.€€They€grimace d€when€they€looked€at€me.€€How€half€of€themÐ l ¼ Ðhad€given€me€the€look€that€said€you„got„what„you„deserved„you„dirty„ crack„whore€when€theirÐ X ¨ Ðverdict€had€been€read.Ð D!” Ðà àTrue,€I€had€gotten€what€I€deserved€but€I€a lso€got€what€I€wanted.€€Their€hatred€and€death.Ð 0"€ ÐÌò òDiary€Entry€#158:€July€23òòr dóó:€ó óÐ $X " Ðà àIð ðm€going€to€die€in€about€an€ho ur.€€I€welcome€it€now€more€than€ever.€€I€wonder,€though.€Ð &oci rc;$D # ÐDid€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô€kn ow€he€was€going€to€die€if€he€tried€to€take€my€drugs?€€I€donð ðt€kn ow,€and€frankly,€IÐ à%0!$ Ðdonð ðt€care€anymore.€€All€I€care€about€is€dying€for€my€sin .€€I€welcome€an€eternity€in€hell.€€SomeÐ Ì& "% Ðmay€say€Ið ðve€gone€insane.€€Maybe€I€have.€€But€who€gives€a €fuck€anymore.€€Ið ðm€as€good€as€deadÐ ¸'#& Ðnow.€€Pretty€soon,€Ið ðll€be€a€memory,€just€like€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô.€€Maybe€heð ðs €laughing€at€me€right€now.€€IÐ ¤(ô#' Ðhope€he€is.€€I€hope€he€hates€me.€€I€hope€he€wants€me€to€die.€€I€hope €he€wants€me€to€die€painfully.€Ð )à$( ÐI€heard€the€injection€isnð ðt€painful€though.€€Sorry,€&Ocir c;_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô,€no€more€pain€for€ me.€€The€Ô_ Ôguardð ðllÔ_ Ô€beÐ |*Ì%) Ðcoming€to€get€me€soon.€€Goodbye€and€good€riddance!Ð h+&c edil;&* ÐÌò òAfterwards€by€Ô_ ÔQ uatreÔ_ Ô€Ô_ ÔRebarbra&Ocir c;_ Ô€Winner:ó óÐ @-(, Ðà àDuo€Maxwell€died€of€the€injection€that€aft ernoon.€€He€was€calm,€but€there€was€a€strangeÐ ° Ðlight€in€his€eyes€that€day.€€Anticipation€and€acceptance,€I€would€sa y.€€The€strangest€thing€of€thatÐ œì Ðday€was€when€the€prison€doctor€actually€injected€the€poison€into€him .€€He€had€smiled.€€It€was€aÐ ˆØ Ðtrue€Duo€smile,€one€we€hadnð ðt€seen€since€the€summer€befor e€at€the€resort.€€He€also€had€somethingÐ tÄ Ðin€his€fist€that€no€one€had€noticed€until€he€stopped€breathing.€€It€ was€the€picture€of€him€and€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ ÔÐ `° Ðat€the€resort.€€Ð L œ Ðà àÔ_ ÔTrowaÔ_ Ô€Barton,€Chang€Ô_ ÔWufeiÔ_ Ô,€Ô_ ÔRelenaÔ_ Ô€Ô_ ÔPeacecraftÔ_ Ô ;€and€I€were€all€there€to€witness€Duoð ðs€lastÐ 8
ˆ Ðmoments.€€He€didnð ðt€look€at€us€or€acknowledge€us€until€hi s€last€breath.€€That€was€when€he€smiledÐ $ t Ðat€us€and€said€three€words.€€ð ðHe€forgave€me.ð ð€€Ð ` Ðà àWe€buried€him€two€days€later.€€He€was€laid €to€rest€at€the€Earth€Sphere€Cemetery€on€EarthÐ ü L Ðright€next€to€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô€Ô_ ÔYuyÔ_ Ô.€€In€hi s€casket€we€also€put€the€folder€of€pictures.€€The€picture€of€him€andÐ è
8
ÐÔ_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô€was€re turned€to€its€place€in€his€fist€and€will€stay€there€for€the€rest€of€eternit y.€€Ð Ô$
Ðà àWe€all€have€forgiven€him€and€we€pray€that€ he€forgave€himself.€€We€know€that€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ ÔÐ À Ðforgave€him€before€he€died.€€Ð ¬ü
Ðà àThis€year€has€been€tough€for€us€and€I€doub t€any€of€us€will€ever€get€over€it€fully.€€ButÐ ˜è Ðneither€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô ;€nor€Duo€would€want€us€to€drag€ourselves€down.€€Knowing€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô€heð ðd€tell€us,€ð ðUseÐ „Ô
Ðit€to€make€yourself€stronger€and€tell€others€of,€so€it€doesnð & eth;t€happen€to€any€one€else.ð ð€€Duo€wouldÐ pÀ ; Ðtell€us,€ð ðYou€guys€canð ðt€just€let€that€take€you€down!€€Youð &et h;re€such€wimps€if€you€do.€€Ô_ ÔCð ðmon&Oc irc;_ Ô,€atÐ \¬ Ðleast€smile!ð ð€€Ð H˜ Ð~Ô_ ÔRayneÔ_ Ô~
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ƒ üœ! ÝÔ USUS. , ÔÝ ÝÔ_ ÔÔ ‡ ÂÎ &Aci rc; X X ÔÔ# † Xù_ X   Î= # Ô~*~:::Diary€of€a€Murderer:::~*~Ð ° Ðò òDiary€Entry€#153:€July€5òòthó ó::ó óÐ œì Ðà àThey€arrested€me€today.€€It€took€them€damn €long€enough.€€I€was€so€close€to€turningÐ ˆØ Ðmyself€in,€or€turning€the€gun€on€myself.€€Yeah,€the€damn€thing€still €sits€on€the€night€stand€where€IÐ tÄ Ðleft€it€that€night.€€Its€hard€to€believe€its€only€been€three€days.€€ Feels€like€an€eternity.€€But€anyways.Ð `° Ðà àThey€knocked€on€the€door€and€I€knew€who€th ey€were.€€The€Preventers€alongside€the€localÐ L œ Ðcops.€€I€just€sat€at€the€bottom€of€the€bed€and€watched€them€break€do wn€the€door.€€They€floodedÐ 8
ˆ Ðthe€apartment,€guns€pointed€at€my€head.€€I€didnð ðt€move,€d idnð ðt€blink,€didnð ðt€really€care.€€Ð $ t Ðà àThey€allowed€me€to€grab€a€few€things€of€mi ne.€€Through€the€haze€that€covered€my€mind€IÐ ` Ðheard€one€to€the€Preventers€say€something€to€another€one.€€ð ðI€never€thought€weð ðd€have€to€arrestÐ ü L Ðanother€Preventer,€least€of€all€this€one.ð ð€€The€others€ha d€nodded€their€heads€in€agreement.€€I€thenÐ è
8
Ðrealized€the€one€that€had€spoken€was€familiar.€€I€glanced€at€her€hel met€and€saw€the€marking€on€theÐ Ô$
Ðcheek.€€I€nodded€slightly€to€her,€and€she€turned€her€head.€€It€stung €that€one€of€my€best€friendsÐ À Ðwould€do€that€to€me,€but€I€deserved€it.€€She€had€every€right€to€shun €me.€€I€already€shunned€myself.Ð ¬ü
Ðà àAs€I€was€led€out€of€the€apartment€building ,€reporters€swarmed€around€me.€€I€heard€piecesÐ ˜è Ðof€their€reports.€€ð ðWorst€murder€this€colony€has€seen€in€years.ð ð€€That€was€the €only€one€thatÐ „Ô
Ðactually€filtered€into€my€mind.€€I€knew€what€they€thought€of€me.€€I€ was€a€murderer,€a€madman.€Ð pÀ ÐBut€I€knew€things€they€didnð ðt.€€Things€they€would€never€k now.Ð \¬ Ðà àIt€was€the€first€time€Ið ðd€been€ out€of€my€apartment€in€three€days.€€I€was€glad€to€get€out€ofÐ H ˜ Ðthe€musty€apartment.€€I€knew€that€the€cops€would€ransack€the€place,€ looking€for€clues€to€myÐ 4„ Ðinsanity.€€They€wouldnð ðt€find€much,€other€than€a€gun€and€ a€few€kilos€of€cocaine€and€a€bunch€ofÐ p Ðother€drugs.€€Ð \ Ðà àI€donð ðt€really€remember€when€I€ started€doing€drugs.€€It€was€just€a€fun€past€time.€€NeverÐ &osl ash;H Ðthought€it€would€lead€to€the€death...€€€Ið ðm€not€going€to€ think€about€it€any€more€than€I€absolutelyÐ ä4 Ðhave€to.€€Not€yet€at€least.€€I€know€that€I€will€have€a€long€time€to€ sit€and€think€about€it.€€I€wish€IÐ Ð Ðcould€turn€back€time.€€But€wishing€never€got€a€man€anywhere.€€Not€th is€man€at€least.Ð ¼ ÐÌò òDiary€Entry€#154:€July€10òòt hóó::ó óÐ ” ä Ðà àIð ðve€been€sitting€in€this€God€f orsaken€prison€for€four€days€already.€€No€one€has€come€toÐ € &E TH; Ðvisit€me.€€Ið ðm€not€surprised.€€The€inmates€whisper€behind €my€back.€€I€donð ðt€have€to€hear€them,€IÐ l ¼ Ðknow€what€they€say.€€Ð X ¨ Ðà àDuring€meals,€we€are€able€to€watch€tv.€€It s€not€a€privilege;€its€torture.€€Today€was€theÐ D!” Ðmost€interesting€news€coverage,€I€have€to€admit.€€I€heard€a€name€bla re€from€the€speakers.€€TheÐ 0"€ Ðothers€turned€their€eyes€towards€me,€not€daring€to€move€their€heads. €€Ð #l ! Ðà àð ðAuthorities€say€that€they€may€have€figured€out€the€cause€of€the€bruta l€murder€of€HeeroÐ $X " ÐYuy,€pilot€of€the€Wing€Zero€Gundam,ð ð€the€news€anchor€said ,€her€voice€calm.€€ð ðOur€journalist,Ð ô$D # ÐHarrison€Jelich€covered€the€story.ð ð€€There€was€a€flicker€ on€the€screen,€showing€a€middle€aged€manÐ à%0!$ Ðstanding€outside€a€ragged€apartment€building.€€My€building.€€Ð Ì& "% Ðà àð ðThank€you,€Amanda,ð ð€the€man€said.€€ð ðI€am€currently€standing€outside€of€the€apartmentÐ ¸ '#& Ðbuilding€in€which€the€suspect€of€last€weekð ðs€murder,€Duo€ Maxwell,€was€arrested.€€AuthoritiesÐ ¤(ô#' Ðhave€confirmed€the€findings€of€over€fifty€kilograms€of€drugs,€includ ing€cocaine€and€marijuana.€Ð )à$( ÐAlso€in€an€autopsy€of€the€victim,€they€found€evidence€of€a€more€brut al€murder€than€at€firstÐ |*Ì%) Ðsuspected.€€The€coroner,€Adam€Ferrings,€found€that€the€gun€wound€to€ the€chest€was€the€primaryÐ h+¸&* Ðcause€of€death.€€Also,€he€found€many€large€bruises€and€cuts€that€he€ said€were€caused€before€theÐ T,¤'+ Ðdeath€of€Mr€Yuy.€€There€is€much€evidence€that€claims€that€Duo€Maxwel l€beat€him€severely€beforeÐ @-(, Ðfiring€the€shot€that€ultimately€ended€his€life.€€Ferrings€told€autho rities€that€had€Mr€Yuy€not€beenÐ ° Ðshot,€he€would€have€escaped€with€at€the€least€massive€brain€trauma.€ €Ferrings€told€reporters€earlierÐ œì Ðthat€he€is€ready€to€testify€in€court€against€Mr€Maxwell.€€The€court€ date€is€set€for€July€20òòthóó,€just€aÐ ˆØ Ðfew€days€from€now.€€Back€to€you,€Amanda.ð ðÐ t Ä Ðà àð ðIt€seems€that€Mr€Maxwell€will€have€quite€a€time€defending€himself,€Ha rrison,ð ð€the€screenÐ `° Ðwas€divided€between€the€anchorwoman€and€the€reporter.Ð L œ Ðà àð ðYes,€he€will,ð ð€Harrison€responded€with€a€slight€nod.€€ð ; ðWe€will€see€at€his€court€date€toÐ 8
ˆ Ðplead€tomorrow.ð ðÐ $ t Ðà àI€clenched€my€teeth€and€forced€myself€not€ to€scream€out€as€loud€as€I€could.€€I€wasnð ðt€evenÐ ` Ðgoing€to€try€to€plead€not€guilty.€€Ið ðm€going€to€ask€for€t he€death€penalty.€€Damn€bastards,€donð ðtÐ ü L Ðknow€what€theyð ðre€talking€about.€€Ð è< br /> 8
Ðà àThey€cut€off€my€braid.€€Its€strange,€but€I €donð ðt€mind€much.€€Memories€were€braided€inÐ Ô $
Ðwith€that€God€awful€thing.€€Memories€of€people€I€turned€my€back€on€w ay€before€I€killed€Heero.€Ð À ÐYes,€I€admit€it.€€I€killed€him.€€Ð ¬ü
Ðà àÌò òDiary€Entry€#155: €July€11òòthóó:Ð „Ô
Ðó óà àMade€my€plead€today.€€Dam n€well€pissed€off€my€lawyer.€€Donð ðt€need€him€anyways.€€Heð ðsÐ pÀ Ðjust€another€lazy€bastard.€€Making€my€life€more€of€a€hell€than€it€al ready€is.€€Before€the€courtÐ \¬ Ðappearance,€he€decided€òòhe€óówas€goin g€to€tell€òòme€óówhat€to€say.Ð H ˜ Ðà àð ðSo,ð ð€He€said,€eyeing€me€from€across€the€table.€€ð ðWhat€are€you€going€to€say€when€theyÐ 4„ Ðask€you€for€your€plead?ð ð€€Ð p Ðà àð ðGuilty,ð ð€I€replied€with€no€feelings€betrayed€in€my€voice.€ €I€had€become€accustomed,€in€theÐ \ Ðlast€few€days,€to€ignoring€my€emotions.€€Speaking€without€feelings.€ €I€no€longer€depend€on€theÐ øH Ðhappy„go„lucky€mask€I€used€to€wear.€€ð ðGuilty€and€seeking€the€death€penalty.ð ðÐ ä 4 Ðà àThis€obviously€threw€him€off€guard.€€He€bl inked€wide€eyed€at€me€for€a€few€moments.Ð Ð Ðà àð ðYou€know,ð ð€he€said€after€about€a€minute€of€loud€annoying€c oughing.€€ð ðIf€you€plead€doÐ ¼ Ðplead€guilty,€you€can€get€a€reduced€sentence.ð ðÐ ¨ ø Ðà àð ðI€donð ðt€want€one.ð ðÐ ” ä Ðà àð ðHuh,ð ð€his€eyes€were€wide.€€He€heard€me€well€enough,€I€didn ð ðt€repeat€myself.€€Just€thenÐ € Ð Ðthere€was€a€knock€on€the€door€and€a€pretty€girl€stuck€her€head€in€an d€told€me€the€judge€was€ready.€Ð l ¼ ÐI€was€escorted€to€the€court€room€by€three€large€guards€and€trailed€b y€a€large€group€of€journalists.€Ð X ¨ ÐI€didnð ðt€mind€them.Ð D!” Ðà àð ðDuo€Maxwell,ð ð€The€judge,€a€large,€bald€man,€said€in€a€deep €voice.€€ð ðYou€are€accused€ofÐ 0"€ Ðthe€beating€and€murder€of€Heero€Yuy.€€How€do€you€plead?ð ð& ETH; #l ! Ðà àð ðGuilty.ð ðÐ $X " Ðà àI€felt€wide€eyes€lock€on€me.€€I€didnð ðt€show€emotions.€€I€didnð ðt€feel€emotions.€€Ð & ocirc;$D # Ðà àThe€judge€glanced€at€the€district€attorney €and€cleared€his€throat.€€ð ðI€assume€youð ðreÐ à%0!$ Ðpleading€guilty€for€a€lesser€sentence?ð ðÐ &Igr ave;& "% Ðà àð ðNo,ð ð€I€didnð ðt€bother€with€the€respect.€€ð ðI€ask€for€the€death€penalty.ð ðÐ ¸'#& Ðà àThere€was€a€collective€gasp€around€the€roo m.€€I€had€the€urge€to€smile.€€I€believe€I€felt€aÐ ¤(&oci rc;#' Ðmuscle€twitch€in€my€jaw,€but€nothing€came€of€it.Ð )&agr ave;$( Ðà àð ðAlright,ð ð€the€judge€coughed€again,€which€I€found€more€than €slightly€annoying.€€ð ðYou€stillÐ |*Ì%) Ðhave€to€go€through€a€trial,€you€are€aware?ð ð€€I€nodded€sli ghtly.€€The€judge€wrote€something€with€aÐ h+¸&* Ðlong,€black€pen€and€turned€his€beady€eyes€back€towards€me.Ð T,¤'+ Ðà àð ðYouð ðre€court€date€is€in€nine€days,€as€planned.ð ð Ð @-(, Ðà àI€turned€without€acknowledging€any€one€els e€and€waited€until€the€police€were€ready€toÐ ° Ðescort€me€out.€€We€left€quickly,€once€again€ignoring€the€journalists .€€Ð œì Ðà àWhen€I€returned€to€the€prison,€all€the€oth er€inmates€averted€their€eyes€from€my€own.€€TheyÐ ˆØ Ðhad€seen€the€hearing.€€They€were€all€murderers,€but€none€of€them€had €ever€killed€their€own€bestÐ tÄ Ðfriend.€€Only€I€was€that€messed€up.à h àÐ `° Ðà àLater,€I€collapsed€onto€my€bed€and€stared€ at€the€ceiling€for€a€few€hours.€€The€others€wereÐ L œ Ðout€in€the€exercise€area.€€I€still€keep€myself€away€from€everyone€el se.€€When€I€checked€my€watchÐ 8
ˆ Ðit€was€only€six€in€the€afternoon.€€Every€moment€passed€like€an€etern ity€in€hell.€€I€realized€then€IÐ $ t Ðwas€going€to€spend€the€rest€of€eternity€in€hell€so€it€didnð &et h;t€matter€much€what€time€it€was,€or€day.€Ð ` ÐWhen€you€have€no€hope,€thereð ðs€no€reason€to€bother€anymor e.Ð ü L Ðà àÔ_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô€would€kill€me€for€that€comment.€€Not€like€I€care€anymo re.€€I€wonð ðt€see€him,€or€anyÐ è
8
Ðof€the€others€ever€again.€€If€Ið ðm€lucky,€when€they€execut e€me,€Ið ðll€see€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô€and€apologize,€but€IÐ Ô$
Ðdonð ðt€think€that€will€happen.€€Ð À Ðà àI€lost€track€of€time€then,€so€I€donð ðt€know€what€time€it€was€when€the€guard€game€to€getÐ ¬ ü
Ðme.€€I€had€a€visitor.€€I€couldnð ðt€think€of€who€it€could€b e.€€Who€would€bother€to€see€me?€€I€rolledÐ ˜è Ðoff€my€bed€and€followed€him€through€a€corridor€Ið ðd€never€ seen€before.€€He€opened€a€thick€metalÐ „Ô
Ðdoor€at€the€end€and€motioned€me€in.€€Ð pÀ Ðà àThe€room€was€an€empty,€ten€foot€square€wit h€only€a€table€and€two€chairs€in€the€middle.€Ð \¬ ÐThe€chair€closest€to€me€was€pulled€a€bit€back€from€the€table€and€on€ the€table€in€front€of€it€wereÐ H˜ Ðhandcuffs€to€hold€a€prisoner€to€the€table.€€I€sat€reluctantly€in€the €chair€and€allowed€myself€to€beÐ 4„ Ðchained€down.€€When€I€was€secured€in€the€chair,€a€door€on€the€opposi te€side€of€the€room€opened.Ð p Ðà àI€knew€who€it€was€before€she€even€finished €crossing€the€threshold.€€Her€blonde€hair€andÐ \ Ðsharp€eyes€were€as€they€always€were,€her€face,€though,€showed€age€sh e€didnð ðt€possess.€€She€putÐ øH Ðher€dark€pink€purse,€that€perfectly€matched€her€suit,€on€the€table€a nd€glared€at€me.Ð ä4 Ðà àð ðAre€you€sorry?ð ð€Ô_ ÔRelenaÔ_ Ô€had€snapped€at€me.Ð Ð Ðà àð ðDidnð ðt€you€see€the€hearing?ð ð€I€didnð ð t€blink€at€her.Ð ¼ Ðà àð ðYes,€but€that€doesnð ðt€answer€my€question,ð ð€her€ eyes€burned€with€anger€and€pain.Ð ¨ ø Ðà àð ðI€am€sorry,€I€wish€I€could€take€it€back,ð ð€I€answered€truth ful.€€ð ðBut€I€canð ðt,€so€Ið ðll€take€myÐ ” &au ml; Ðpunishment.ð ðÐ € Ð Ðà àð ðÔ_ ÔWhyð ðdÔ_ &Oci rc;€you€do€it?ð ð€€Her€voice€was€tired.€€I€looked€into€her€eyes.&E TH; l ¼ Ðà àð ðBecause€he€tried€to€help€me.ð ðÐ X ¨ Ðà àð ðWhat?ð ðÐ D!” Ðà àð ðI€was€an€addict,€Ô_ ÔRelenaÔ_ Ô,ð ð€I€said€harshly,€the€first€sign€I€had€shown€of€emoti ons€since€thatÐ 0"€ Ðnight.€€ð ðHe€tried€to€take€my€drugs.€€I€was€high...€and€armed.€€I€told€him€not€ to,€but€he€didÐ #l ! Ðanyway.ð ðÐ $X " Ðà àð ðSo€you€think€he€deserved€it?ð ðÐ ô$D # Ðà àð ðNo,€no€one€deserves€that,€especially€when€theyð ðre€trying€t o€help€their€friend.ð ðÐ à%0!$ Ðà àð ðWell,€since€you€think€you€know€how€much€you€hurt€us,ð ð€she€ straightened€her€back,€herÐ Ì& "% Ðhands€rubbing€together.€€ð ðI€think€Ið ðll€tell€you€just€how€much€you€messed€up€my€life. ð ð€€With€anÐ ¸'#& Ðamazing€speed€and€strength,€she€smacked€me€across€my€face.€€Immediat ely,€blood€began€spillingÐ ¤(ô#' Ðfrom€the€thin€slice€across€my€cheek.€€I€looked€at€her€hand€for€the€f irst€time.€€She€turned€the€largeÐ )à$( Ðdiamond€ring€back€to€its€normal€position.€€She€grabbed€her€purse€and €began€to€walk€out.€€Just€asÐ |*Ì%) Ðthe€door€was€shutting€she€turned€to€me.€€ð ðÔ_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô€and€I€w ere€supposed€to€elope€today.ð ð€€SheÐ h+¸&* Ðdisappeared€into€her€freedom€and€her€life.€€I€know€I€will€never€see€ her€again,€and€neither€of€usÐ T,¤'+ Ðregret€it,€Ið ðm€sure.Ð @-(, Ðò òÌDiary€Entry€#156:€July€14òòt hóó:ó óÐ œì Ðà àI€had€another€visitor€today,€except€this€t ime€it€was€for€a€different€reason.Ð ˆØ Ðà àÔ_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô€had€tried€to€talk€me€into€letting€his€lawyers€represen t€me€and€get€me€off.€€HeÐ tÄ Ðwanted€me€to€go€into€Ô_ ÔrehabÔ_ Ô,€to€get€rid€of€my€ð ðproblemð ð.€€He€doesnð ðt€understand€what€my€proble mÐ `° Ðis.Ð L œ Ðà àð ðAfter€a€few€months€in€Ô_ ÔrehabÔ_ Ô€and€the€year€or€two€in€prison€youð ðll€probably€get ,€youð ðll€beÐ 8
ˆ Ðfine.€€No€more€problems,€Duo,€donð ðt€you€get€it?ð &et h;€€Ô_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô€had€smil ed€at€me€kindly,€his€eyesÐ $ t Ðslightly€tearing.Ð ` Ðà àð ðNo.ð ðÐ ü L Ðà àð ðDuo...ð ðÐ è
8
Ðà àð ðNo,€Ô_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô,&e th; ð€I€snapped.€€ð ðDonð ðt€you€get€it?€€I€did€something€horrible€and€I€have€to€ takeÐ Ô$
Ðthe€punishment.ð ðÐ À Ðà àð ðDuo,€you€didnð ðt€do€it,€the€drugs€did,ð ð€Ô_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô€said,€touching€my€ha nd€lightly.€€The€chainsÐ ¬ü
Ðwouldnð ðt€let€me€pull€away.Ð ˜è Ðà àð ðYou€werenð ðt€there,€Ô_ ÔQuatre&Ocir c;_ Ô,€you€donð ðt€know€what€happened.ð &et h;Ð „Ô
Ðà àð ðI€know€that€you€would€have€never€hurt€anyone,€you€never€had€before.&e th; ðÐ pÀ Ðà àð ðNo€one€took€anything€that€I€needed€to€live€before.ð ðÐ \¬ Ðà àÔ_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô€had€sighed.€€ð ðTell€me€why€then?ð ðÐ H˜ Ðà àð ðWhy€what?ð ðÐ 4„ Ðà àð ðYou€started€doing€drugs?ð ðÐ p Ðà àð ðYou€should€know€that.ð ðÐ \ Ðà àð ðÔ_ ÔHildeÔ_ Ô...ð ðÐ øH Ðà àð ðYes,ð ð€I€didnð ðt€want€to€hear€her€name,€but€I€des erved€to€be€tortured,€I€deserved€to€be€hurt.€Ð ä4 Ðð ðShe€left€me.€€I€had€nothing€else€to€trust€in.ð ðÐ Ð Ðà àð ðI€tried€to€support€you,€though.ð ðÐ ¼ Ðà àð ðYou€only€supported€my€addiction.ð ðÐ ¨ &osla sh; Ðà àð ðDuo,€youð ðre€stronger€than€that.€€I€know€you.€€You€were€alw ays€the€one€looking€on€theÐ ” ä Ðbright€side,€always€laughing.€€You€always€made€us€smile,€even€Ô ;_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô„ð ðÐ € Ð Ðà àð ðShut€upò ò,ð ð€ó óI€yelled,€cutt ing€him€off.€€ð ðI€donð ðt€want€your€help.€€I€want€to€die.€€End€of€story.€&ET H; l ¼ ÐPlease€leave€me€alone.ð ðÐ \ ¬ Ðà àð ðFine,ð ð€Ô_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô€stood€from€the€chair,€his€shoulders€hunched€a€bit.€€ð ðIt€seems€that€I€canð ðtÐ H!˜ Ðchange€your€mind.€€Ið ðm€sorry€it€had€to€end€this€way,€I€tr uly€am.€€Since€it€seems€positive€that€youð ðllÐ 4" ;„ Ðget€the€death€penalty,€I€will€tell€you€now,€since€this€is€the€last€t ime€weð ðll€talk.€€You€were€a€greatÐ #p ! Ðfriend,€no€matter€what€happened€to€you.€€Youð ðll€always€be €in€my€heart€and€mind.ð ðÐ $\ " Ðà àI€had€only€turned€away.€€Tears€stung€my€ey es.€€Apparently€after€all€that€has€happened,€IÐ ø$H # Ðstill€could€be€hurt.€€I€heard€something€drop€of€the€metal€table€and€ then€a€few€moments€late€I€heardÐ ä%4!$ Ðthe€door€shut.€€Ô_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô€was€gone.€€Ð Ð& "% Ðà àI€finally€allowed€myself€to€look€up€and€sa w€a€folder€on€the€table.€€The€guard€came€in€andÐ ¼' #&am p; Ðunchained€me.€€He€allowed€me€to€take€the€folder€with€me€back€to€my€c ell.Ð ¨(ø#' Ðà àI€forced€myself€to€wait€hours€until€I€open ed€the€folder.€€It€was€full€of€pictures.€€Pictures€ofÐ ”)ä $( Ðus€five€Ô_ ÔgundamÔ_ &Ocir c;€pilots,€all€smiling€and€fooling€around.€€Most€of€them€were€me€pulling€pr anks€orÐ €*Ð%) Ðmaking€people€laugh.€€I€shifted€slowly€through€the€pictures,€my€hear t€weeping€the€entire€time.€€MyÐ l+¼&* Ðhands€froze€at€the€last€picture.Ð X,¨'+ Ðà àIt€was€a€picture€from€last€summer,€when€ha d€gotten€together€at€a€beach€resort,€when€I€wasÐ D-”(, Ðonly€beginning€my€addiction.€€It€was€of€Ô_ Ô HeeroÔ_ Ô€and€me€trying€to€push€each€other€under€th e€hugeÐ ° Ðwaves.€€We€were€both€laughing,€both€having€the€time€of€our€lives.€€W e€were€the€best€of€friends,Ð œì Ðneither€of€us€had€known€the€dark€cloud€that€would€soon€envelope€both €our€lives.€€A€cloud€ofÐ ˆØ Ðsmoke€and€drugs.Ð tÄ Ðà àI€couldnð ðt€hold€back€the€tears€ any€longer.Ð `° ÐÌò òDiary€Entry€#157:€July€20òòt hóó:€ó óÐ 8
ˆ Ðà àI€got€it.€€I€got€the€death€penalty.€€The€r eporters€had€said€before€the€trial€that€it€wasÐ $ t Ðsupposed€to€take€weeks€for€the€jury€to€reach€a€decision.€€The€trial€ was€about€two€hours€long€andÐ ` Ðthe€jury€took€fifteen€minutes€to€reach€a€verdict.€€When€the€guy€had€ read€their€verdict€I€didnð ðtÐ ü L Ðknow€whether€I€should€cry€or€laugh.€€I€did€neither.€€I€just€sat,€emo tionless.Ð è
8
Ðà àI€still€donð ðt€know€what€to€thin k€but€I€am€thankful€for€one€thing.€€I€donð ðt€have€to€wait€long.€& ETH; Ô$
ÐThey€set€my€execution€for€the€23òòrdóó .€€That€is€one€thing€I€can€wait€for€though.Ð À Ðà àÔ_ ÔQuatreÔ_ Ô,€Ô_ ÔTrowaÔ_ Ô,€Ô_ ÔRelenaÔ_ Ô,€a nd€Ô_ ÔWufeiÔ_ Ô€were€all€a t€the€trial.€€I€had€only€glanced€at€them€as€IÐ ¬ü
Ðwalked€in€and€I€tried€not€to€look€at€them€when€I€was€in€the€witness€ box.€€But€one€thing€in€theÐ ˜è Ðback€had€caught€my€attention.€€A€familiar€pair€of€eyes€that€I€hadn&e th; ðt€seen€in€nearly€a€year€and€aÐ „Ô
Ðhalf.€€They€were€unmistakable.€€Ô_ ÔHilde&Oc irc;_ Ô€had€come€to€the€trial.Ð pÀ Ðà àAs€soon€as€I€realized€she€was€there,€I€wan ted€to€run€and€hide.€€I€also€wanted€to€yell€outÐ \¬ Ðthat€it€was€her€fault€my€life€was€trashed,€that€I€was€facing€death,€ that€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô€was€gone .€€But€I€hadÐ H˜ Ðjust€acted€like€I€hadnð ðt€seen€her.€€I€had€just€calmly€con tinued€my€story€of€what€had€happened€thatÐ 4„ Ðnight.Ð p Ðà àI€told€them€how€I€had€gotten€high€out€in€a €bar€somewhere.€€How€I€returned€home€to€findÐ \ Ðmy€apartment€broken€into€and€the€majority€of€my€drugs€gone.€€How€I€k new€who€would€do€that.€Ð øH ÐHow€I€found€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ &O circ;€getting€into€his€car€behind€the€apartment€building.€€How€I€had€pulled €my€gunÐ ä4 Ðout€on€him€and€told€him€to€give€back€my€drugs.€€How€he€refused.€€How €I€had€attacked€him€and€heÐ Ð Ðmanaged€to€get€my€gun€from€me.€€How€I€had€pulled€a€metal€bar€from€th e€Ô_ ÔdumpsterÔ_ Ô€and€beat €him.€Ð ¼ ÐHow€I€had€screamed€at€him€as€I€shot€at€his€partially€dead€body.€€How €the€last€thing€he€had€said€toÐ ¨ ø Ðme€was€ð ðI€forgive€you.ð ð€€How€I€had€left€him€there€and€took€my€drug s€back€up€to€my€apartmentÐ ” ä Ðand€sat€there€for€days€until€I€was€arrested.Ð € Ð Ðà àThe€jury€had€been€disgusted.€€They€grimace d€when€they€looked€at€me.€€How€half€of€themÐ l ¼ Ðhad€given€me€the€look€that€said€you„got„what„you„deserved„you„dirty„ crack„whore€when€theirÐ X ¨ Ðverdict€had€been€read.Ð D!” Ðà àTrue,€I€had€gotten€what€I€deserved€but€I€a lso€got€what€I€wanted.€€Their€hatred€and€death.Ð 0"€ ÐÌò òDiary€Entry€#158:€July€23òòr dóó:€ó óÐ $X " Ðà àIð ðm€going€to€die€in€about€an€ho ur.€€I€welcome€it€now€more€than€ever.€€I€wonder,€though.€Ð &oci rc;$D # ÐDid€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô€kn ow€he€was€going€to€die€if€he€tried€to€take€my€drugs?€€I€donð ðt€kn ow,€and€frankly,€IÐ à%0!$ Ðdonð ðt€care€anymore.€€All€I€care€about€is€dying€for€my€sin .€€I€welcome€an€eternity€in€hell.€€SomeÐ Ì& "% Ðmay€say€Ið ðve€gone€insane.€€Maybe€I€have.€€But€who€gives€a €fuck€anymore.€€Ið ðm€as€good€as€deadÐ ¸'#& Ðnow.€€Pretty€soon,€Ið ðll€be€a€memory,€just€like€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô.€€Maybe€heð ðs €laughing€at€me€right€now.€€IÐ ¤(ô#' Ðhope€he€is.€€I€hope€he€hates€me.€€I€hope€he€wants€me€to€die.€€I€hope €he€wants€me€to€die€painfully.€Ð )à$( ÐI€heard€the€injection€isnð ðt€painful€though.€€Sorry,€&Ocir c;_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô,€no€more€pain€for€ me.€€The€Ô_ Ôguardð ðllÔ_ Ô€beÐ |*Ì%) Ðcoming€to€get€me€soon.€€Goodbye€and€good€riddance!Ð h+&c edil;&* ÐÌò òAfterwards€by€Ô_ ÔQ uatreÔ_ Ô€Ô_ ÔRebarbra&Ocir c;_ Ô€Winner:ó óÐ @-(, Ðà àDuo€Maxwell€died€of€the€injection€that€aft ernoon.€€He€was€calm,€but€there€was€a€strangeÐ ° Ðlight€in€his€eyes€that€day.€€Anticipation€and€acceptance,€I€would€sa y.€€The€strangest€thing€of€thatÐ œì Ðday€was€when€the€prison€doctor€actually€injected€the€poison€into€him .€€He€had€smiled.€€It€was€aÐ ˆØ Ðtrue€Duo€smile,€one€we€hadnð ðt€seen€since€the€summer€befor e€at€the€resort.€€He€also€had€somethingÐ tÄ Ðin€his€fist€that€no€one€had€noticed€until€he€stopped€breathing.€€It€ was€the€picture€of€him€and€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ ÔÐ `° Ðat€the€resort.€€Ð L œ Ðà àÔ_ ÔTrowaÔ_ Ô€Barton,€Chang€Ô_ ÔWufeiÔ_ Ô,€Ô_ ÔRelenaÔ_ Ô€Ô_ ÔPeacecraftÔ_ Ô ;€and€I€were€all€there€to€witness€Duoð ðs€lastÐ 8
ˆ Ðmoments.€€He€didnð ðt€look€at€us€or€acknowledge€us€until€hi s€last€breath.€€That€was€when€he€smiledÐ $ t Ðat€us€and€said€three€words.€€ð ðHe€forgave€me.ð ð€€Ð ` Ðà àWe€buried€him€two€days€later.€€He€was€laid €to€rest€at€the€Earth€Sphere€Cemetery€on€EarthÐ ü L Ðright€next€to€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô€Ô_ ÔYuyÔ_ Ô.€€In€hi s€casket€we€also€put€the€folder€of€pictures.€€The€picture€of€him€andÐ è
8
ÐÔ_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô€was€re turned€to€its€place€in€his€fist€and€will€stay€there€for€the€rest€of€eternit y.€€Ð Ô$
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Ðà àThis€year€has€been€tough€for€us€and€I€doub t€any€of€us€will€ever€get€over€it€fully.€€ButÐ ˜è Ðneither€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô ;€nor€Duo€would€want€us€to€drag€ourselves€down.€€Knowing€Ô_ ÔHeeroÔ_ Ô€heð ðd€tell€us,€ð ðUseÐ „Ô
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