Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Easier to Die ❯ Easier to Die ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I don't own Gudam Wing.

Characters OOC and shounen-ai.... 2x4.

I revised it.... I think it might be better now. Not sure though so plz leave a review and let me know how it was. If it was bad don't just say it sucked and that's it, plz tell me why it sucked and give me a few pointers. I'm still pretty new at writing, even though I have nine chapts on my other fic. -_-

Sorry about the grammer and spelling mistakes. Enjoy. ^_^

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Easier to Die
One-shot

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It's easier to die than it is to live.

You know how people say life's too short; you should live it to the fullest. Well, I think they're wrong. Life's too long, for me at least.

I hate it each time I have to get into my gundam and kill more people. I should have followed in my father's footsteps. I thought becoming a gundam pilot I could end the war. I didn't think that by not fighting could bring peace once again. The war keeps going on and on and more people are killed everyday. I guess violence really does lead to more violence. I've finally figured that out. A bit late really.

I don't want to kill people anymore; I no longer want to get into my gundam.

I reach into a drawer and take out the razor that I always have there for some reason.

I'm going to end it all. There's no point in living anyway. The other pilots don't need me; they could end the war on their own. I'm done killing people.

I've been thinking about killing myself for some time now I guess I was just.... too afraid, but now I'm not.

I just graze my skin at first, just to see the blood.

Normally I don't like to see blood but this time it's as if it's freeing me.

I cut deeper this time and watch the blood flow freely.

Above all the kiling and destruction I've done, I regret not telling Duo how I really feel about him; that I love him. I'm ashamed at my selfishness about putting my feelings for Duo above everything I've done; all the horrible things.

I take the razor in my other hand and cut my other wrist. I start to feel dizzy so I sit down and lean against the wall.

I hear a knock at the door; then, "Hey, Quat, is everything alright?"

Yeah everything's alright. I'm finally able to escape this world that I've created, the wrong one of death and distruction.

Normally I leave the door to my room open so the pilots can just come in and talk to me if need be. It was still light out and I wouldn't be even close to tired so I guess it was natrual for Duo to ask if everything was alright.

I see the knob turn and Duo comes in.

"Quat, I was wondering if--" He cut off when he saw me leaning against the wall with blood flowing freely from my arms.

"Oh, Quatre! Why?!" Is all he said while ripping apart his shirt and bandaging up both my arms. I was too weak and my body was too tired to respond so I just let him. "I have to get you to the hospital!"

I just look at him and think, 'I should have locked the door.'

"Just let me die. I have no reason to live." I try to reason with him. "You guys can stop the war by yourselves; you don't need me."

"Of course we need you, especially me!" I look up when he says that. Before I was just looking at Duo's hands trying to stop the bleeding. "You're the one who keeps the peace around and comes up with the tatics we're going to use during a battle."

I guess that is true but Heero can do that. He is the Perfect Soldier after all; I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem with it. In fact when I don't come up with a plan for one reason or another, he does and they work perfectly fine.

"Heero can do that."

"Sure, but you're the most level-headed person during battle. You also pay attention to each of us when you should be watching yourself and you end up getting hurt because of it. Besides who will keep the peace around if you're gone?"

I stare into his blue eyes. I see the sadness in his usually cheerful eyes; then I hate myself for causing his saddness. It seems as though I starred at him forever but I kow it was only for a few seconds.

Why didn't I look that door? I could be gone already and not full of even more pain.

"I have nothing to live for." I state the thing that causes the most pain. Nothing and no one. Duo would never like me in the way that I like him. Like? No, love. At first I started to just like little things that Duo did, like how he's always trying to cheer everyone up even after something horrible has happened. Once he even got Heero to laugh. We were all shocked about that one. He's the thing that I had been living for before things just got out of control; before I had decided that death was the only way out. Now after being with him for this long, I love him and everything he does.

"What do you mean nothing to live for?! We're fighting to stop the war so peace can finally come. I thought that you above everyone else here wanted to see that happen." He picked me up. I tried to escape but I had lost too much blood to do anything.

"Put me down and leave me alone!" I yelled angrily but weakly.

"No, you're going to the hospital, whether you want to or not! I'm not going to let you die!"

I do want to see the war end, I really do but it's not going to happen and if it does it won't happen anytime soon.

"You can win the war by yourselves. You don't need my help."

"I thought I already told you that we need you; you're the most helpful. Always putting others before yourself; it's why we're all still alive. You've saved us too many times and gotten yourself hut in the process." He said still carrying me to the door.

"Just leave me alone!" I had actually moved enough to fall do the ground. I stood up but dizziness prevented me from getting anywhere. Luckily a wall was nearby so I just leaned against it.

I closed my eyes from the dizziness; then opened them and saw the look in Duo's eyes from my simple statement. It was a look as if I had stabbed him myself. So full of pain. I regretted what I had said, I didn't know it would cause him so much pain.

"I need you Quatre. I won't let you die, especially by your own hands." He looked away from me for a while. I wondered what he was thinking about.

I was getting light-headed from all the blood I lossed and closed my eyes.

"Quatre, you can't die on me! I... I love you." He said the last part quietly but loud enough for me to hear. I'm wide awake now! Duo Maxwell actually loves me? I was shocked. I couldn't believe it, I thought that he was always after Hilde.

I didn't believe him, he was just trying to fool me so I wouldn't die. A stupid thought really.

Duo leaned forward and kissed me. That kiss said everything and more. I had no doubts afterward. I parted my lips when his tounge begged for entrance. I let him taste every inch of my mouth that he wished. It felt so good to finally be kissing the person I loved.

"Duo, I love you too!" I was so glad to finally be able to tell him that.

After the kiss Duo picked me up at first I was shocked. "I'm getting you to the hospital. You lost too much blood. I should have brought you there already."

I looked into his blue eyes, this time they weren't filled with as much as pain as before, of course there was still pain there for I just tried to kill myself. This time the look in his eyes was love... for me. We kissed again.

I smiled and nodded. I let him carry me to the car and I promised not to ever try and kill myself again. There was still the chance that I could die while piloting Sandrock but never by my own hands. I had something to live for... someone. The thing that I wanted the most, love.

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This is my second fic and the first Gundam Wing that I've writen. I hope that it was alright. Plz R&R.

I hope that was better than it was before. -_-
Ja ne ^_~