Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Emancipation ❯ Frail ( Chapter 14 )

Thanatos-Aire

Emancipation

XIV.  Frail.
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“Shh,”

My chest hitches with the broken breath as I turn towards the sound of Trowa's voice.  In the fuzzy grey plane of half-asleep-half-awake, my scattered mind clings still to the nightmare and I am unsure if he is really there.  Feeling his warmth and solidness, and not finding blood in the fabric I cling to, I am able to rise fully from the lingering dream though slowly.

For a few sleep-dragging moments, I think we are still at war, that Trowa and I are hiding in European inns looking for a Noventa; the realisation we have come far from that comes quickly and gratefully.  I allow myself to fall into him, knowing it is alright.

He looks wide-awake as he careens his neck over to kiss my forehead.  I cannot stop the jerky gasps of air as I clutch at him, grasping his teeshirt with a grip that could rip the fabric; he only shifts closer, arms tightening around from where they had held me before I woke.

“It's okay, ma'cherie, shh, you're alright…”

My breath snags inside again as I shake my head, unable to voice my correction.  Face pressed into his obliging clavicle, it takes a few minutes for me to calm down, struggling to get a hold of the emotions.  The terror refuses to leave, no matter how I try to squash it, and I am still shaking violently inside Trowa's hold when Duo's voice comes.

“S'rry it took so long, hadta find my way through the mess of pots you left on the floor.”  The mattress behind me shifts with weight and a cold hand touches my temple.  “Hey there, darlin', finally awake?” he whispers, voice sounding unusually hollow.  I can't help the hitched whimper that forces itself into existence at his touch.

There's an immediate pause, everything going silent.  I can feel them looking at each other, and finally they breathe again, Trowa's arms tightening even more as the bed dips with Duo getting in behind me.  “Doctor J again?” one of them whispers; I'm too scattered to recognise the voice beyond the fact that it's safe.

It feels like the wind's been knocked out of me, chest tight and heaving with those damn catches that look like I'm flinching.  Something cold and wet is laid on the nape of my neck and I shiver.  “Calm down, darlin',” Duo admonishes quietly, petting my hair in another scalp massage, “It was just a dream, you're safe,”

By the time I manage to pull myself together, I realise I am not the only one with hitching breaths.  “Tro, wha's wron'?” I slur, and feel the body behind shift as if he hadn't noticed Trowa was upset.  There is no immediate reply save the tightened hold around my waist.

“Tro?” Duo asks, worry evident in his voice as his hand leaves my arm to card through the honey fringe of hair.  Both their chests jump against my body, then I am uncomfortably squished between them as they both move in unison to squeeze each other.

He takes a long time to answer.  “I, I did not mean to push…” he mumbles, squeezing me and clinging to Duo.  “I'm sorry, I just… it's my fault, isn't it, your nightmare?  You didn't want to but I forced--”

“No!”  I grab his hair violently and tug, pulling his head back so I can kiss some sense into him.  Our mouths crushed together, I split my lip on a tooth, but it means nothing.  “You aren't to blame at all,” I stress, glaring with all the sleep-diffused energy I can muster.  “It,” my voice chokes slightly but I quell it with all my might, “it's J.  Nothing to do with you, I just lost myself, forgot we're here--”

Their confusion leads me to realise they have no idea about before, when I thought we were still pilots.  It makes no difference though.  “Really.  I mean look, you calmed me down!  That--” Fuck, my voice cracks again.  I have so much trouble keeping myself strong now, much less in front of them.

Duo interrupts before I really lose it.  “Okay, okay.  C'mon, darlin' -- both o' ya -- we all agree that Ro's okay now and it had nothin' to do with the back adjustment, so Tro ain't to blame, right?”  We both nod uncomfortably.  “I mean it, if we need ta talk about this, then we will but over coffee.  If not, then… well,”  He looks pointedly down at the pillows as far I can tell.

We nod again, Trowa sighing heavily and shifting even closer to me and Duo, and someone adjusts the blankets.  They're both asleep in a few minutes, but I refuse to fall back into that dream tonight, so I simply hold them.

 

to be continued