Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Emotional Suicide ❯ How's Life? ( Prologue )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

'Emotional Suicide: Prologue; How's life


Linda George
Linda George
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2001-08-24T16:51:00Z
2001-08-24T16:52:00Z
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'Emotional Suicide:
Prologue; How's life?'

By: Dark Deity

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam Wing
Characters….and so on. I also don't own Fuel's Hemorrhage (in my hands)

[…]: AN

'…': Character's thoughts

~`*~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~*`~

So, there she was, Relena Darlian Peacecraft.
She'd been sitting on here bedroom balcony for a half hour now and all she
seemed to be able to do is wonder. What, or rather who, her thoughts were about
were not surprising. She hadn't seen
him for three and a half years, and for some reason she still thought about
him. She knew why but after that first year she started to deny it. She said
that she was over him, and occasionally said her previous feelings were not as
they appeared. They were, as she stated, just a prolonged 'close to love'
schoolgirl crush. To tell you the truth that's what it was for about the first
six moths. After the second year of knowing him she knew she had fallen for
someone she just couldn't have. Of course she still loved him, and his Prussian
blue eyes, but she refused to admit it now, for the fact that there was no
longer any point. She hoped that after the first year of denying her love,
maybe the feeling would diminish, but they didn't, not even after two years of
denial, and three years of loneliness.

So here she
sat, thinking about Heero Yuy. Her thoughts usually lingered around the same
topics; Where he was, how he was doing, did he ever lover her, and what it was
like to be him. Lately it was the last of them that caught her mind. She
wondered what it was like not to feel, or rather be able to hide how you felt.
She longed to know how to block out emotions and only concentrate on a certain
goal, or task at hand. She would undertake any training it took if it meant
that she could block out her love for Heero. It wasn't that she hadn't dated in
the past three years. She had. But most of them just didn't provide the
excitement she wanted, it was either that or they were complete jerks.

She
had become the Vice Foreign Minister of the E.S.U.N., in place of her adoptive
father, and had been taking college courses, now in her sophomore year. Her job
as VFM was only part time. She worked with a now close friend. Quatre. She and
Quatre worked the position together. With that in common they were always
seeing each other, leading to their close relationship. Her and Quatre would
have most definitely dated if it hadn't been for their job association. Either
way, though they became very close friends. She had been the one to recommend
him for the job, knowing of his business knowledge and his position of
importance on his colony. He was a perfect pick. He was one of two people that
she couldn't convince about her 'no-longer-there' feeling for Heero. The other
was Noin.

Noin
and her brother, Milliardo, had gotten married the year before and their
marriage had provided the perfect occasion for all to be reunited; Noin,
Milliardo, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, Sally, Lady Une, Hilde, Dorothy,
Catharine, and of course Relena. The only one that wasn't present was Heero, to
no ones surprise. The wedding was beautiful, and to Duo's satisfactory, had
plenty of good food.

Duo and Relena had also become good friends. They hadn't dated, but
in Hilde's mind, the word 'yet' should be added at the end of that statement.
Duo and the other two former gundam pilots [not including Quatre for he already
had a job, Heero, well that would be obvious, and Milliardo had become the
ruler of the Cinq Kingdom, leaving Duo, Trowa, and Wufei] had become
Preventers. Duo and Trowa had, to her contentment, had become her bodyguards.
It was Duo who had tried to help her get over Heero the most, and had always
been around, one way or another, to cheer her up. She felt safe with both Duo
and Trowa. They both shared a guest room in the Peacecraft Mansion. Duo enjoyed
his job as her bodyguard [personal bodyguard might I add] just as Trowa did.
The only reason she and Duo had a better friendship than she and Trowa was the
simple fact that Trowa was still trying to get over his always remote and stoic
self that was formed during the war. But he was succeeding. He talked, and
participated in conversations, more often and occasionally showed emotional
features on his face… occasionally. As far as Relena was concerned her best
friends were Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Noin, and Hilde.

To no ones surprise, Hilde and Duo became a couple, but didn't last
after a month or so, they were to good of friends. After the White Fang
incident and then the Mariemeia affair she and
Hilde had become close friends, with Duo by their side most of the time. They
usually went to movies, concerts, and out to eat. Every meeting was always
casual, and they would talk about every thing from Hilde's business, to how
silly Duo was acting that morning. The only topic that was steered clear of,
was Heero. Ever since she started
denying her feelings for him she wouldn't talk about him, with some people
anyway.

Relena got up and walked over to the railing of her balcony and
looked down, briefly, at the beautiful garden below, then turned her head
upward to look at the sky. On Earth the sky was natural, not artificial like
the ones of the colonies. Stretching
her body up she brought her arms up behind her then let them fall behind her head.[In
a position that Duo would sometimes walk in, or sit in while being bored] She
brought her hands under her Honey blonde hair and placed them on the back of
her neck. She felt around till her fingers fell upon a thin chain. Tracing the
chain with careful hands she brought out the rest of the necklace revealing a
heart shaped locket. The locket, upon further inspection was a glossy black,
with a gold and silver dagger, pointing toward an emerald. The locket was given
to her as a gift from Duo, Trowa and Quatre for her 19th
birthday. If you were to open the
locket it would unfold to show four areas to place pictures. Two slots were its
original front and back, and the other two folded out diagonally. She hadn't put in any pictures yet but she
figured when she did they would be of the ones who gave her one of her most
prized possessions, and then of, well she didn't know who else.

She dropped the necklace once again and focused her gaze on the
black sky above her, admiring the moon and stars that could be seen. Although
she found the sight breath taking, she couldn't help but wonder if Heero was up
there. 'There you go again Relena, thinking of Heero. Your becoming pretty
damned pathetic'. With that she sighed, and turned to go back inside.

When she had entered her room once again, there was a knock on the
door. Relena didn't need to ask to know
who it was. She walked steadily to the door and opened it. 'What the…' There
was no one there.

"BOO!!!" came a voice beside her along with a tug at her hair.
Promptly, Relena let out, involuntarily, a somewhat loud yelp as she almost hit
her head on her doorframe from jumping. Breathing heavily she looked to her
left and stared wide-eyed at a set of cheerful violet eyes. "Hey Lena," came a
very cheerful greeting from none other that Duo Maxwell. **smack** Relena gave
a deserving smack to the back of Duo's head, then giving a good yank to his
yard long braid, made of chest nut hair. "OWWW, what the hell was THAT for?"

"You know very well what it was for Duo Maxwell!" Relena tried
desperately hard to make that sound serious, but failed miserably in the end,
giving way to a flood of giggles.

"Okay, I'm sorry Lena-chan, forgive me?" Duo then gave Relena his
all-famous puppy eyes, only to make her roll her eyes and nod.

"Yeah, I forgive you, c'mon in," she said tilting her head toward
her room. With that Duo nodded and walked in as Relena shut her door behind
him. "Make yourself at home, kay. I gotta change. I'll be right out."

"Don't I always make myself at home?" He said with a grin.

"Yes, I suppose you do," she answered as she made her way to the
bathroom with her clothes. "Oh, and Duo, don't even think about picking out a
C.D. till I'm back. Don't get me wrong, I do like 'Nonpoint', but not when I'm
goin to bed, kay?"

"Sure thing, Lena," was Duo's response, along with a grin. With
that settled, Relena went into the bathroom to change. Duo sat down in the
chair next to her bed, before getting up again to turn the recliner into a flat
bed. Before he went to the closet to get a blanket and two pillows, he thought
better of it and went to the bathroom door.

"Hey Lena, can I sleep in here tonight instead of that plastic
chair out side your door?" he waited a few seconds for her response.

"Go ahead Duo, you know where everything is," came Relena's muffled
response from the other side of the door.

"'Kay, thanks" Duo said making his way to the closet to retrieve
the blanket and pillows. Duo picked up the blanket, letting it unfold and laid
it down on top of the recliner/bed, and then threw the pillow at the top. Having
taking care of all the sleeping matters for now, he gave the room a good look
over. At the moment he was basically in the corner. In front of him was the,
now, bed that he was going to sleep on, and beyond that was a night table with
two remotes on it, and after that was Relena's bed. Its comforter was a night
sky blue, which unless you had enough light, looked black. The king size
pillows, there were four, were black and white. Looking pass the bed was
another night table. This one had only one thing on it: a picture of Trowa,
Quatre, himself, Wufei, and her brother Milliardo.

Duo thought back to that day. Relena had insisted that they all go
out to eat, then a walk in the park. All the girls came along as well. It was
one of those rare times when all were together at one time. When they all got
to the park it was starting to get dark. When Quatre had commented on the
sunset Relena had remembered her camera was in her purse. She had told all the
guys to get together in front of the setting sun next to a large tree, to take
the picture. To this day Duo still wasn't sure how Relena had convinced Wufei
to get in that picture but she did. He
smiled at the memory. He remembered how she also took a picture of the girls too,
then managed to get a passer-by to take one of the whole group. Once again he
smile at the memory.

Getting back to reality he continued his look over the room. After
the table was a wall with three posters on it. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself
at what was on each poster. All were of different bands. Who would have thought
a pacifist would love heavy metal, rock and punk. The first poster was a group
shot of '3 Doors Down', the second was a 'Metallica', with the group name, the
on the bottom was a single shot of each band member. The third was 'Slipknot'
poster with the group symbol and numbers on it. ' I guess having to keep a calm
façade all day, all-the-while playing pacifist, keeps one restless. The music
is probably the only thing keeping her from goin nuts, being constantly nice to
everyone all day.' With those thoughts he smirked at his next, 'The next thing
you know she'll be head banging to let out stress' He could have laughed at the
thought. It seemed so impossible he couldn't imagine it.

His eyes going past the posters and around the wall, he started to
walk towards the bed, which he practically fell onto when he sat on the end.
His eyes still wandering, he observed the bathroom door on the side, the closet
door across from it, and the door he came in beside both. His eyes, traveling
past the corner that opened up into the main room again, came by, then past,
another closet this one having all her VFM outfits and belts in it. A few feet away from the closet was Relena's
vanity. In its draws were her casual clothes that she wore on every day type of
days. On the desk-type part was the other picture from their walk in the park.
The one with all the girls in it: Dorothy, Catherine, Hilde, Relena, Noin, and
Sally. Also on the desktop was a brush and the bear Heero had given Relena for
her 16th birthday. Heero was one subject he didn't want to think
about at the moment.

Moving past the bear, he came to a desk, much smaller in comparison
to the one in Relena's office. On it was her vid-phone, computer, and a light.
When Duo first started working for the Peacecrafts, he couldn't figure out why
she didn't have a TV, and why she would bring her work into her room when her
office was across the hall. He later found that it wasn't. It had only games,
her thoughts, and a built in TV and DVD player. To him that was a relief: 1…
now he knew that Relena wasn't a complete workaholic, and 2… he could watch TV
and movies when he got too bored, although, that didn't happen much. After the
desk was the stack on shelves that made the main entertainment for him and
Relena, and probably Trowa too. The radio and CDs. The shelves went along one
wall, went diagonal in the corner, then went across the other wall. In the
middle of it all was the actual radio, on the sides were the speakers along
with, on the left, CDs, and on the right, DVDs. Because of that one feature, he
loved this room the most, out of who knows how many rooms on the floor, never
mind the house. The balcony and its doors were next, which basically took up
the whole wall. As he turned so he was facing the opposite direction than he
started his eyes fell on a black couch that had two green blankets hanging off
the sides.

Duo got off the bed and went out to the balcony and opened the
doors. He walked over to the railing, leaning on it with arms apart, hands
clasped, he looked up to the stars. Upon thinking how beautiful they were he
heard the bathroom door open then shut. He turned to see Relena coming into the
main bedroom, clad in a black silk sports bra and knee length shorts. Her hair
was down, as opposed to her braid that she usually wore pacifist princess self,
but the way she wore it when she was the VFM. Relena no longer wore her hair in
the childish fashion as she used to with the two braids on the sides that met
in the middle. She looked so much more beautiful now. She had all the right
places filled in, all her curves fully visible. Just as Duo noticed his jaw
hanging to the floor Relena joked, "Um, Duo, you might want to pick that up. How
do you expect a girl to kiss you with your jaw dragging?"

He quickly snapped his mouth shut, nearly biting his tongue that
was starting to hang along with his jaw. 'Geez, all I need now is to start
drooling and the picture would be complete' he scolded himself.

"So, how's this look? Hilde talked me into buying it this morning."
Relena asked, a bit shy, as she turned around so he could see the back as well.

"You…you look beautiful" He stammered out, still trying to figure
out if she was the same girl who wore the loose pants and long shirt the night
before. As he walked toward her he decided to add, "You should buy more like
that, it suits you."

"Why, thank you Duo," she said as she stepped forward and held one
arm out to the side so she could look, or try to look, down her back. "Hey Duo,
how 'bout you go read off some CD's while I shut the curtains?"

"Kay, 'Jousan" he said smiling. 'So she sill wears the locket eh?'

As they made their way to the other end of the room Relena said,
"Ever since you found out that O'jousan was the translation for 'miss' you've
added that to my list of AKA's. How come?"

"I dunno, I guess its because you are a miss, but since I know you
more than formally I wanted it to sound more of a…" he trailed off trying to
find the right word.

"An endearment?" She finished for him.

"Yeah, I guess that would be right. To me O'jousan sounds more
casual than 'miss', but even more casual with out the O part so I called you
Jousan instead."

"Kay, I was just curious" she responded as she closed the curtains
on her balcony doors. Walking over to her bed she glances at Duo looking over
the CD's with a somewhat familiar grin on his face… it had letters in it… and
they spelt T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

As she was starting to become concerned, for her own safety, he
turned towards her with a stack of CD's in hand. He sifted through the CD's he
read off their names… "Umm… Korn, Disturbed, Nonpoint, Slipknot, Godsm-"

"DUO!" she cuts him off, "You know very well that I only can listen
to those bands during the day… especially when stressed. I can't sleep
listening to METAL, try rock or something." She sits on the edge of her bed
waiting for him to continue, but with bands of a softer tone.

"Alright, I've narrowed it down to these; Linkin Park, Fuel, 3
Doors Down, and Savage Garden… What will it be Lena?" He replaces the Metal
CD's, and holds on to the Rock ones awaiting her answer.

"Oh, god-" she starts to say but is cut off by Duo.

"Yes?" Duo replies to her unintentional call

"I don't mean you!" she says with a chuckle, "Give me a sec, I
gotta think…" After a bit she replies, "Fuel"

"Kay, right away 'Jousan" He replies to Relena, while putting away
the other CD's and inserting the Fuel one. As Relena starts to lie down and
fluff pillows 'n such, Duo skips ahead to track 2. As the music starts Relena
is comfortable lying on her stomach while Duo walks over to his 'bed' and lies
down on his back with his hands behind his head. As both shut their eyes the
lyrics begin…

Memories are just where you laid
them

Drag the waters till the depths give
up their dead

What did you expect to find

Was there something you left behind

Don't you remember anything I said
when I said

As Relena listens to the lyrics, her mind drifts a bit. She starts
to think about her life and how she ended up where she was. She realizes
something; she wouldn't change a thing. As she lies there thinking about how
she used to be, her thoughts seek target on a common visitor in her mind,
'Heero, where are you?' she grimaces as
she reprimands herself, 'You've got to stop thinking about him Relena. You're
holding yourself back. You have all the wonderful friends, and there's bound to
be at least one or two guys out there that's decent and a little bit fun. Why
sit here and let them pass by, just let him go. If he doesn't want to remember
the fact that you love him, well then, so be it.' Just to counter her last
thought the lyrics say…

*(Chorus)

Don't fall away_ Leave me to myself

Don't fall away _And leave love
bleeding in my hands

In my hands again_ And leave love
bleeding in my hands

In my hands_ Love lies bleeding

(End Chorus)*

During these last lyrics Duo opens his eyes and looks out the
balcony doors. While looking at the stars his thought wander a bit. 'Here I am,
yet again. One of these days I'm gonna go out a get a girl. I haven't been out
on a date in about a month. Yep, that's exactly what I'm gonna do when Trowa
gets back from his month off to be at the circus. I'm gonna go out and find
SOMEONE to go out with. Hey anyway, Lena's probably gett'n sick of me any way'
he grins at his new found plan. Then as an after thought, he thinks with slight
humor, slight ego, 'Like she could ever get sick of ME' Once again a grin
blossoms.

[Music plays for 13 seconds before
lyrics start again]

After hearing those last lyrics Relena gives a sigh 'Oh who am I
fooling, I'll always have Heero in my head' She turns her head towards the
balcony, then down after hearing some kind of rustling. Eyes widen, a gasp is
heard 'Oh. My. God. [the irony, isn't Duo a god, *_~]I swear I've seen that
torso before, but NOT in the glory of moonlight.' Duo had just sat up and took
off his shirt. 'I guess there's hope for me after all. If the hound dog in me
is still there, I believe Hilde and I are due to a visit at the beach' With her
plan forming in her mind she can't help but smirk.

Hold me now I feel contagious

Am I the only place that you've left
to go

She cries her life is like

Some movie black and white

Dead actors faking lines

Over and over and over again she
cries

'Funny this. Relena used that
first line one time when she didn't think she could take not having Heero
anymore. Then I used the next line towards her. Funny thing is she only smiled.
I guess that was all the answer I needed' Duo's thoughts started to go back to
the night that Relena started to thrash about in her sleep.

She was crying furiously.
"HEERO!!!" On instinct, then worry he got up and ran to her. As he got closer
her mind let out the first thing that came to her, a lyric. "Duo," she whispered,
then look straight into his eyes, with her tear streaked ones, "Hold me now, I
feel contagious" His eyes searched in hers, wondering if that's what she
wanted.

She looked up at him, pleading
eyes, needing comfort. He said the only thing he could, "Am I the only place,
that you've left to go?" Her eyes glittered slightly with her smile as she
understood his question. With that he held her while she cried, more. She would
stop every once and awhile, then start again, then again. After she stopped Duo
looked down at her, her next statement he was not expecting.

"Don't leave me alone. Love
hurts to much for me to wallow in my own pain, while helping others through
theirs." As she said what she did, she added another lyric, or two, "And leave love bleeding
in my hands. Love lies bleeding. It hurts to much for me to go through alone
Duo."

"Shh 'Jousan, I'm not going anywhere,
I'll stay as long as you want me, okay?" With his smile punctuating his
question, more like statement, she couldn't help but smile back. Giving him one
last hug she returned to a more peaceful sleep, while he sat next to her
combing her hair with his fingers till he was once again drowsy.

'That was about two years ago. She denies
it, but she's still not completely over him, one day she'll find someone, and
she'll be happy. I just hope it's soon.'

(Chorus*)

And I wanted

You turned away

You don't remember

But I do

You never even tried

[Music plays for seconds before lyrics start again]

Don't fall away…[does chorus once
more]

As the last lyrics start to fade, and
then the music both fall into a most generous sleep. Relena with Hilde at the
beach checking out guys, as duo stands in front of Relena… and starts to strip,
and Duo with a reenactment of that one night, except it goes farther than just
that last hug…

~~~~****~~~~

[Thanks for reading. Please review. I
accept constructive criticism as well.
I'd like to get some opinions about the prologue. I figured it'd be good
for you to know what's happening in the lives of our favorite characters. This
fic is most definitely gonna be LONG, and it will be a HYxRP, sooner or later,
expect laster. Thanks again for reading… Dark Deity]

An
added little bonus…

When both wakeup the next morning to the
sound of an alarm clock, they both groan… 'And I was just getting to the good
part…' Relena and Duo simultaneously think to themselves. One looks at the
other and blushes slightly. As Relena thinks 'I think Duo's gonna have to come
to the beach with us' Duo thinks 'I wonder if she looks that good in a bikini'…