Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Estranged Lovers ❯ Living Inside Myself ( Chapter 1 )

Title: Living Inside Myself

Warnings: language, lime, TWT

Duo looked at the invitation in his hand and shook his head. He read it a second time and repeated the action.

He wanted to decline, but he knew the consequences of that.

Damn Quatre, anyway. With his luck, Heero would be there. That would be awkward, to say the least. The chances of things getting downright ugly...well, that depended on Heero. He'd always had a bit of trouble understanding social niceties. Like tact, for one thing.

He wasn't sure he could do it. It wasn't easy to be in the same room with someone you hated. The last thing he wanted to do was pretend everything was hunky-dory. He'd done quite enough of that in his teens, and it had been tiring.

He was unreasonably angry with Heero for being invited. Granted, there were more than enough reasons to be pissed at Yuy, but he couldn't blame Heero for Quatre's soft-heartedness.

He wasn't sure why he was surprised to find himself picking up the phone and dialing the number he knew by heart. He needed to rant, and only one person was able to listen to him do so without passing judgement.

He didn't want to take advantage of Trowa's seemingly infinite patience, however, and he hung up the phone before dialing the last digit.

Damn Quatre.

~~~~~

Heero was already there when Duo arrived. Despite the warm, friendly atmosphere, Duo expected everything to come to a screeching halt when they first made eye contact. If he could feel the sudden chill in the air, why couldn't everyone else?

He looked much the same. A bit taller, but not much. Still slender, still looked like he combed his hair with a sock. Only the bangs didn't quite lay the same way. That was all Duo noticed before they made eye contact.

Same inscrutable eyes, even from a distance. It pissed Duo off to no end. He was willing to bet he could be inches from those eyes and they'd be no more windows to Heero's soul than a block of granite.

The staring match didn't last long, as Heero's attention shifted to the bookcase in the corner. He walked over and perused the titles on the shelf.

Duo shrugged out of his jacket and forced a grin on his face. "Where do you want me to hang this?"

Quatre smiled and pointed to a sliding door near the entrance with the paring knife he was using. Duo removed a hanger from the closet and Quatre returned to the apples he was peeling, his tongue peeking out between his lips as he absorbed himself in his task. Trowa joined him after a moment and stole one of the pieces of fruit from the plate.

Duo frowned. Where was Wufei? He'd never been particularly close to the dark-haired man, but with Trowa and Quatre both in the kitchen, that only left him in Heero's company.

It was something that, at one time, he'd have practically engineered, the opportunity to spend time with Heero. Hell, he used to have to, in order to see the man he once considered his best friend.

Becoming more than friends was the beginning of the end. It was amazing how much you really got to know a person after that line was crossed.

Of course, physical intimacy was a far cry from the sort of closeness Duo had craved, and things had rapidly spiraled out of control. If there was one thing he hated, it was being used.

Asshole.

It hadn't always been this way. He'd once put Heero on a pedestal, practically worshipped him from the first moment he'd laid eyes on him.

Well, not the very first moment. He'd been busy saving the future vice foreign minister from an early grave. Heero's determination to succeed at all costs had made him curious enough that he'd found where the crazed maniac was taken, and then he'd busted him out.

Not that Heero had thanked him for his efforts. He should have realized then what a jerk the boy with the death wish really was.

Quatre surprised him. Duo expected that if one person would understand what he was feeling, it would be the kind-hearted blond, but for some reason Quatre had a blind spot where Heero was concerned.

In fact, where Heero was often cold and callous towards Duo, he'd been open and almost smiling in Quatre's presence. He sure knew how to play his cards right, Heero did. Too bad it was always the game of Solitaire when it came to his emotions.

Duo decided that a trip to the bathroom was needed. He could use a splash of cold water on his face. Heero hadn't turned around yet, and Quatre and Trowa were still chatting in the kitchen.

Once he'd closed the door behind him, he lowered the toilet lid and sat down, forcing himself to take deep breaths.

What he really wanted to do was deck Heero, but he couldn't do that to Quatre, who really wanted the five of them to endure some sort of male bonding ritual.

Of course the fruit plate was a bit discordant with Duo's mental picture of an all-guy get-together, until he remembered Heero's disdain for fried foods.

A right pain in the ass, Heero was. He was lucky he'd not been invited to Duo's apartment, because he could very well starve.

Duo ran a hand over his face. There was no way that would ever happen. They'd tried it.

It had ended in disaster, although not right away.

~~~~~

"Duo," Heero whispered as his body found release.

It was the most he ever said during sex. Duo often felt like Heero fought damned hard against orgasm. He bit his lip hard enough to make it bleed, his fists clenched in the bed sheets, and he sometimes made slight strangling noises in his throat.

His breathing became labored before he came. That didn't take long to figure out. He was predictable that way. For someone who seemed to make things up as he went along, he sure had the recipe for fucking down pat.

It was a classic case of star-crossed lovers. They'd met under extreme circumstances, they'd fought together, they'd even hidden out together at the same schools a few times.

Duo couldn't remember when he'd started to become increasingly aware of Heero's presence. It hadn't happened all at once, and at first he'd been merely intrigued by the sullen pilot's determination. He'd grudgingly respected the way Heero had stolen the parts from his Gundam. That was gutsy. Anyone could have wandered by and caught him.

What surprised him first was how impulsive Heero seemed to be. His very personality seemed contrary to that trait. Yet he'd acted at once and destroyed the shuttle of pacifists, not wanting to waste time in letting Oz escape.

He'd broken Duo out of prison instead of shooting him dead, without a clue how to escape with an injured comrade.

And he'd stood there on the hatch of his Wing Gundam, the self-detonation switch in his hand, and determinedly pressed the button without hesitation.

Then he'd shown up a couple of months later, like some sort an avenging angel. At least that's what Duo had thought at the time.

Truthfully, that's exactly what he'd thought when Heero entered the cell where he'd been incarcerated, too.

So after Heero's body shuddered with the force of his climax, after he tucked his head under Duo's chin, after his breathing evened out, Duo was left doing nothing but thinking.

It had been Heero's idea to move in together after the Gundams had been destroyed, just like it was Heero's decision to leave.

Duo should have seen it coming. Heero had disappeared for a while at first. Perhaps to lick his wounds in private after Wing Zero fell to pieces. He had a habit of cropping up unexpectedly, however, and a few months later he did just that. Their physical relationship resumed immediately, as hot and hurried as it had been when they were sneaking moments together, as desperate as it had been when neither of them had expected to survive to see the end of the year.

He was surprised Heero didn't leave bruises, the way Heero's fingers dug into his shoulders as he drove them both toward the inevitable conclusion. Sometimes Duo wished he were able to deny Heero the satisfaction, but his body reacted on a purely physical level, and he constantly found himself moaning and pleading and encouraging.

And Heero still said nothing more than his name, exhaled softly at the end.

It made Duo feel used and dirty, yet Heero refused to change. He merely settled those arguments using his lips and tongue on Duo's skin, making him temporarily forget how much there was that they needed to talk about.

It wasn't as if Heero never spoke. He talked a lot. That had surprised Duo, and at the same time made it even worse when he withdrew whenever it came to discussing their relationship.

Coming home from work and finding all of Heero's things gone was like a punch to the gut.

He'd never hated anyone in his life as much as he'd hated Heero when he'd come home to an empty apartment.

~~~~~

Duo took several deep breaths and looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He could do this. He was the master of hiding his emotions. Heero had nothing on him. Anyone could put on a blank mask. Despite the saying about a smile making people wonder what one was up to, the easiest way to avoid questions was to put up a front that didn't seem like one.

He'd just pretend that Heero wasn't there. No, that wouldn't work. That would be an obvious giveaway.

The facade had to include everyone. He'd act towards Heero the way he would have if nothing had happened.

It would probably invite a lot of unasked questions, but better that they speculate than outright demand to know what the hell was going on.

He sifted through his memory for something that would make the role easier, and found it.

It had been early in their 'relationship.' Heero had been following Duo's lead, their bodies in close proximity as they infiltrated the base. It hadn't taken much work to completely level the place. Heero had done the honors, setting off the charges.

Duo remembered admiring the picture painted in shades of orange and gray, despite the nagging of his conscience. The colors, swirling together, were the sign of a job well done. As Heero would say, 'mission complete.'

It had been a close thing. Part of the satellite atop the building had broken off and taken a tumble toward an empty field, one spotted with wildflowers. The damned weeds would probably continue to grow no matter what, Duo had mused, as he watched the grass disappear beneath the rolling smoke. Heero had dropped the detonation switch and his entire body went rigid, his attention focused solely on that spot. When Duo had turned to grin at him to share in their moment of success, Heero's hands grabbed his face and pulled him close, kissing him with an intensity that had both scared and thrilled Duo.

The kiss ended rather abruptly, and the two of them returned to the school they'd been hiding out in. Heero had been all over him once the door closed behind them.

Duo had never felt so desired.

That was as much of the memory as he could summon before it soured him again, because it had ended just as every sexual encounter between them had.

You can do this, Duo, he reminded himself. Just keep talking. It's always the quiet ones that attract the most attention.

He opened the bathroom door and joined the others, relieved beyond measure that Wufei had arrived. If he thought it wouldn't make his comrade uncomfortable, he would have hugged him.

~~~~~

Duo's hand reached out to hit the alarm clock the next morning. He hadn't remembered setting it. It wasn't a workday and he had no appointments he needed to keep.

It took a few useless swipes at the timepiece to realize the source of the noise was the phone. He sat up irritatedly and reached across the nightstand for the cordless receiver, knocking the empty water glass to the floor as he did so.

He practically growled his greeting into the mouthpiece.

"And a good morning to you as well, Duo," Trowa replied calmly. "Have I called at a bad time?"

"Anytime before noon on a weekend is a bad time," Duo said, shifting his position so he wasn't sitting on his hair.

"A rough night last night?"

Damn it, Trowa knew. Duo bit his lip as he detected a bit of amusement in the disembodied voice.

"Get dressed," Trowa said, his voice clipped. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."

Before Duo could contradict him, the call was disconnected. Hell.

He briefly thought of making himself scarce, but that would only compound the problem. He cursed fluently as he threw the covers back and slid out of bed, making a beeline for the shower.

He hadn't stopped cussing eighteen minutes later, when he'd started calling Trowa an assortment of colorful names ranging in offensiveness. In alphabetical order.

He'd barely managed to get his hair dried and braided when he glanced out the window and saw Quatre's car pull to the curb. He snapped a band at the end of his braid and threw it over his shoulder, feeling the weight of it rest against his back as he amended the list of curses to include Trowa's forefathers.

He was not up to dealing with Quatre. He was still pissed about being forced into a social situation with Heero in the first place, and he knew damn well that Quatre would take Heero's side.

It wasn't fair to Quatre, he supposed, because of course the blond had only heard one side of the story. But Duo was sure that Trowa knew, and therefore he just assumed that Quatre would know as well.

It wasn't fair, damn it.

To his surprise, Trowa got out and closed the door, then made a casual wave of his hand before turning to the entrance of Duo's apartment. Quatre pulled away from the curb and his car disappeared around the corner by the time the buzzer sounded.

~~~~~

Duo wiped his mouth with a napkin and tossed it on the table. Trowa hadn't said a word as Duo had offered to cook breakfast, just let Duo ramble about everything and anything, other than the get-together the previous evening.

The best defense was a good offense, Duo decided. As soon as Trowa looked as though he wanted to speak, Duo asked, "what's with the ride this morning?"

"You mean Quatre?"

Duo wondered if it would be considered justifiable homicide if he used his cutlery with deadly force. He gritted his teeth into a mockery of a smile and said, "yes, I mean Quatre." He resisted the temptation to offer any number of sarcastic comments to that statement.

Trowa shrugged. "It means I needed a ride, and he was kind enough to provide me with one."

Duo's eyes narrowed. "You didn't call me from home, did you." It was a statement, not a question.

"As a matter of fact, Duo," Trowa said, his eyes meeting Duo's. "I did."

Considering the location of Quatre's apartment, that should have been Duo's first guess. There was no way Trowa could have arrived that quickly if he'd come from Quatre's, even if he'd left as soon as he hung up the phone. Weekend traffic would have made the commute nearly half an hour, minimum.

Come to think of it, he hadn't noticed Trowa's car the previous evening either.

Which implied a few things that he'd long suspected.

"Why don't you come out and ask, Duo?"

"Ask what?"

"About me and Quatre. It's written all over your face. You're curious."

"No," Duo denied vehemently. "I'm pretty sure I know."

"You do, do you? Why is that, Duo?"

"It's in the little things," Duo blurted out. "The way you relax around him. The way he smiles when you're near him. The way you were with him after Libra was destroyed. It's been there a long time."

"Why are you so sure of how things are between me and Quatre, Duo? What makes you think that means anything more than simple friendship?"

Duo blinked. "It's obvious. How can anyone not see it?"

Trowa got up from the table and walked to the living room. Duo followed, wondering what he'd said to offend his guest.

"Obvious," Trowa said to the window overlooking the alley between Duo's apartment building and the one next door.

"Yes. Am I wrong?"

"You tell me, Duo. You're smart. You have it all figured out."

Duo was starting to chafe at the way Trowa kept saying his name as if to punctuate each statement with censure.

"What the hell is your problem, Trowa?"

"I don't have a problem, Duo. With any of you." He turned to face Duo. "Can you say the same?"

"That's a low blow, and you know it."

"Is it? Why don't you come out and tell me why that is." He waited a moment, then prodded. "Well, Duo?"

"Stop saying that!"

Trowa looked surprised at his outburst. "Saying what?"

"My name!"

Trowa's brows drew together, then he sighed. "Duo..." he paused. "Sorry. I guess I went so long without a name, they've become important to me, at least with those I care about. I don't mean any disrespect, Duo, honestly. It's hard to explain."

The words struck a chord with Duo, and he swallowed. "No," he said. "I understand. I...I guess I'm the same way."

"You're not the only one," Trowa murmured, before turning back to the window.

"Why does everyone look out the window when things get uncomfortable?" Duo muttered, looking around the room for a suitable distraction of his own.

"It's a cover," Trowa answered. "You can pretend your entire concentration is on something outside while your insides perform Cirque du Soleil."

"And you'd know all about maintaining your cover," Duo said, wanting to slap himself for the derisive tone he'd used.

"You and I are a lot more alike than most people would guess, Duo."

"How would you know?"

"It's obvious," Trowa nearly spat the word. "Isn't that what you said?"

"What the hell, Trowa? You wake me up this morning, get me out of bed, come over here to give me shit? I thought you were my friend!"

Trowa whirled around and pinned Duo more effectively with his glare than if he'd touched him physically. Heero would have been proud.

"I'll ask you again, Duo. Let me ask this very clearly, so there's no sidestepping of the issue, and no pretending you don't understand. Why do you hate Heero so much?"

"You know," Duo whispered.

"No," Trowa shook his head. "No, Duo, I don't."

Duo was shaking his head as well. How could Trowa not know? Sure, he'd talked about everything except that, but Trowa had always seemed to just know things. He didn't require long explanations and had more patience than all the saints put together. At least that's what Duo had always thought.

"He...he..." Duo took a deep breath and tried again. "Heero and I..."

Trowa crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, his face partially obscured beneath his bangs. It helped take some of the pressure off.

"Sometimes people just aren't right for each other," he said lamely.

"Bullshit," Trowa said, not looking up. "It's complete and utter bullshit, and you know it, Duo."

"You're only taking Heero's side because he's Quatre's new best friend."

Trowa snorted. "If you really think Quatre influences my opinion that much, perhaps you know your friends less than you think. In fact," Trowa peered at him through the long fringe of hair, "I'm finding that easier to believe all the time."

His gaze dropped to the floor.

"Who do you suppose Heero's best friend is, Duo?"

"Quatre, of course."

Trowa snorted, and Duo pressed on. "He's the only one that Heero talks to about 'important stuff.' Not sure how the two of them became so chummy."

It had been a bit of a surprise. Heero had always demonstrated respect and concern toward the others, but it wasn't until recently that Duo found out that he'd been buddy-buddy with Quatre.

Duo admitted it grated. He and Quatre had personalities that seemed more in tune with each other; he couldn't grasp why Heero of all people would gravitate toward Quatre.

Then again, Trowa and Heero seemed to have more in common, and yet Trowa was here, not with Heero.

He felt like a bit of a schmuck, because Trowa was also here and not with Quatre.

Unless...

"Heero stayed at Quatre's apartment last night, didn't he?"

"Do you want to know why, Duo?"

"Why he stayed at Quatre's? No, thanks. All set there."

Trowa heaved a sigh of impatience, and said, very slowly, "why he and Quatre 'became so chummy.' And not that it's any of your business, Duo, but Heero went home early. He left while you and Wufei were playing chess."

Duo had thought it was a stroke of luck that he'd managed to escape detection when he'd bid the rest of his friends farewell. He should have known it was far too easy. And he could care less why exactly Heero and Quatre seemed to be attached at the hip, but he asked anyway.

"Why?"

Trowa straightened and turned to face the window again. "It was after the accident."

"Quatre was in an accident? Shit, why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Not Quatre."

"Wufei?" Even as the name left his lips, he knew the answer. He knew from the moment Trowa said the word 'accident,' but he didn't want to believe it. "Heero?" he whispered, his voice betraying his concern.

"It wasn't serious, really. It looked a lot worse than it was. Head wounds bleed a lot."

Duo closed his eyes, picturing the way Heero had looked after he'd detonated his Gundam, lying in a pool of his own blood. It was well before Duo had realized the depth of his feelings. Of course at the time, he'd also assumed Heero was dead and gone, and that Trowa had taken his body to give it a proper burial.

"They had to shave his head," Trowa was saying. "Couple of stitches, and he was a bit dizzy for a few days, on and off. That's when Quatre offered to bring him to his doctor appointments."

"His hair..." Duo's voice trailed off. He'd noticed Heero's hair looked a bit different, but he'd never have guessed the reason. He found he didn't like the idea of someone putting a razor to Heero's thick sable locks.

"It'll grow back, Duo. It grew back damned fast after he -" Trowa snapped his mouth shut.

"It's OK," Duo said. "Back then, we were...not like..."

"Not like what?" Trowa's voice was gentle, soothing, the type of voice that was used when people were near hysteria.

It angered Duo. He didn't need to be handled with kid gloves, just because he felt somehow cheated of this bit of knowledge. Someone should have told him. He should have known without someone telling him.

"It's not going to work, Trowa," he said, his eyes blazing. "You can't guilt me into forgiving him. He's the one who left me."

"Is that what happened?"

"What is with you guys? When did you all become a bunch of gossipy old ladies? I'm tired of walking on eggshells around you all. Yes, Heero left me. Yes, that implies that we were 'together' if that's what you wanted to hear. And I'll thank you not to compare it to the utterly perfect relationship you and Quatre have. We just didn't click, except in the bedroom, and even then, it left a lot to be desired. And one day he just left, end of story."

"Eggshells, Duo?" Trowa's voice held a dangerous edge to it. "Want to talk about walking on eggshells? I've been doing it ever since you and Heero parted ways. When is the last time I ever mentioned his name in your presence?"

"Less than five minutes ago," Duo retorted.

"Before that!" Trowa turned from the window. "Your problem, Duo Maxwell, is you've allowed yourself to become fucking self absorbed. Ever take a psychology course? What you're doing is textbook projection. You do it with everyone.

"You want things laid on the line? Give and take, Duo. Give and take. You can't expect me to listen to you and pretend that I don't talk to Heero. You can't expect Quatre to cut off all ties with Heero because you want to embrace the role of the jilted lover.

"Heero left you. You are so fucking blind, Duo, I can't believe you ever piloted a mobile suit. You're a fine one to talk to me about what's obvious."

Duo opened his mouth, only to be cut off with a sharp "Don't!"

Trowa walked toward him, making Duo take a step back. They were practically nose to nose, and Duo was willing to swear that sparks were shooting out of those narrowed eyes.

"You tell me honestly, Duo, that your problems with Heero were his fault alone. Tell me that he didn't show you any signs of affection, or devotion, or whatever reason you've concocted to make yourself feel better about your relationship failing.

"You can rationalize it all you want, Duo, but it boils down to one thing. You're acting like a spoiled, rotten, brat."

Trowa brushed past him, deliberately avoiding any contact between them, and paused as his hand was on the doorknob.

"I hope it keeps you warm at night."

And with that, he slammed out of the apartment.

Duo was so speechless, it took him a while to remember that Trowa had a long walk ahead of him.

He sat on the couch and put his head in his hands, and forced himself to replay his last night together with Heero.

~~~~~

"I don't take everything literally," Heero pointed out. "I just don't find this brand of humor entertaining."

Duo snickered, earning one of Heero's questioning looks. "Brand? You prefer a more generic sort, then."

"Duo, that's not even funny." Despite his words, the corners of his eyes crinkled.

"Well, of course jokes aren't funny if you have to explain them," Duo said, adopting an exaggeratedly patient tone of voice.

"I get it," Heero protested. "It's just not making me laugh."

Duo looked into Heero's eyes to deliver another playful jibe and his breath caught in his throat. It was frightening, the way he felt both lost and found at the same time. He forgot what he was about to say and found himself kissing Heero instead.

It was almost a given that they'd end up in the bedroom, where they had sex the same way they did every time. Duo wanted variety, but Heero seemed to prefer routine. He lowered himself on Duo's erection, and it wasn't any easier this time than any of the others. Sometimes it seemed as if Heero insisted on doing this just to prove he could manage to ride Duo despite the awkward penetration part that preceded it.

His fingers gripped Duo's shoulders painfully as he continued until Duo was fully sheathed in him, then breathed slowly and deeply.

If not for the way he opened his eyes then and looked intently at Duo, as if for approval, Duo would have thought Heero was a rather rigid blow-up doll. It was the only sign of emotion he gave before the routine began.

And damned if Duo's body didn't respond each time. It never seemed fair, that Heero could get him to thrust his hips upwards, to participate in the act fully. It was more than Heero himself did. His so-called lover managed to reduce the art of sex into something mechanical and step-by-step.

Duo hated the way Heero managed to arouse him. Sometimes it was a slow stroking of his cock while Heero breathed in his ear. Other times it was a full body massage. Sometimes it was a look, a touch, followed by an unexpected deep throat.

Yet Heero refused to let him do the same.

Duo always knew exactly when Heero was going to start the breathing countdown to climax. It was exactly four seconds after Duo's release filled Heero. It was almost inhuman. No one could do that. If not for the fact that he could see and feel the puddle on his belly, he'd think Heero was faking it.

For all he knew, maybe Heero was.

He shoved Heero off him, wanting to clean up before it dried.

"Duo?"

That single word did it. The only utterance Heero made during sex, and it shattered his last nerve.

He couldn't remember everything he'd said, he only remembered raking up every last thing that he could think of that Heero had ever done to piss him off before launching into the most recent debacle.

"You never take a hint, Heero!" he spat. "Maybe I'd like a bit more variety! Ever think of what I want, Heero?"

And he'd slammed the door and locked it before getting in the shower. The sound of the lock engaging seemed like a gunshot.

He stayed in there until the water ran cool, and then forced himself to remain until it was cold enough to make his teeth chatter.

When he finally unbolted the door and returned to the bedroom, he found that Heero had changed the sheets, but was not in bed.

It was the last time Duo saw him. The next day, as soon as he got home from work, he went to the kitchen to get something to drink. Heero's apartment key winked at him under the overhead light.

~~~~~

Duo got up from the couch and went to the bathroom. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and pulled his hand back as if to punch it, then dropped his hand to his side.

"You suck, Maxwell," he told himself.

He'd said a lot of things in anger that he hadn't meant. Heero, on the other hand, tended to think of a proper response before replying. He had the most irritating habit of usually responding to one of Duo's outbursts with a wry comment, something that Duo couldn't help laughing at.

It had been maddening, the way Heero used to make him laugh when all he wanted to do was stew for a while.

He needed to contact Quatre, needed to find out where Heero was staying. He needed closure.

He needed to answer his damn phone, which apparently had been ringing for a while. Whoever it was seemed pretty damned persistent.

Only one person he knew fit that description and had the balls to wait until just before the machine picked up to hang up and ring again.

~~~~~

Duo wrung his hands nervously as he paced back and forth. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he couldn't help it. He was picking up nervous habits he never knew he possessed.

When he caught himself playing with the end of his braid, he decided to sit down and watch television instead, forcing himself to focus on the screen. His finger twitched on the remote, surfing from channel to channel.

He was still staring blankly at the TV when the remote was gently pried from his hand.

"Mind if I sit down?"

Duo felt like he was going to throw up. He slowly stood up, shaking his head all the while, before lifting his chin and looking straight into Heero's worried eyes.

His gaze flicked to Heero's hair, and he couldn't stop his hand from reaching for it. His fingertips gently skimmed Heero's scalp until he made contact with the healing wound and the bit of new hair growth surrounding it.

"I've had worse," Heero said, his voice tight.

Duo's eyes returned to Heero's, his own pain and discomfort reflected there.

He wanted to tell Heero he understood. Wanted to tell him he got it now, that Heero had shown him how much he trusted him by accepting him as a lover. He was eager to tell Heero he hadn't meant to imply that he wanted anyone else to fill that role. He was desperate to sit and talk to Heero, to calmly discuss where they'd allowed themselves to assume things rather than talk to each other about them. He needed to know if they could take something that didn't work when they were both headstrong teenagers and forge it into something stronger.

Duo's fingers buried themselves in the hair at the back of Heero's head and he tilted his head to the side.

His answer was apparent as soon as Heero's lips met his.

It wasn't how he'd imagined their reunion, and it was by no means an indication that all their problems had dissolved away into nothing.

As Heero allowed Duo to nip and nuzzle him and to bring him off with a fumbling hand job, he was sure of three things.

Sex wasn't the be-all, end-all, in a relationship.

Sometimes actions spoke louder than words.

And third...

His musing was interrupted for a moment as Heero came with a loud groan followed by a soft utterance, and Duo smiled.

What was in a name?

Sometimes, everything.