Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Everything I Am ❯ Everything I Am ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Dear Gods, someone get me a tissue please! ::wipes 'er eyes:: I have no damn clue where this came from... I was... What the hell was I doing? Checking e-mail or something... Writing a reply I think... and "Everything I Do" switched over on my MP3 player and... This idea just slapped me upside the head... I HAD to write it... umm started around, don't know 12am maybe, it's 6:30am now. ^_^'

Warnings: Deathfic. Lotsa sorrow. Don't read if you can't handle it people.

Disclaimers: I don't own the GW Guys! Nor do I own "Everything I Do" by Bryan Adams so PLEASE... Stop sending the damn red ants!!!


~oOo@oOo~

The air around the old building was stale and dry, full yet lacking what made air fresh, a wonder to breath when compared to Colony re-circulated air. The sky, usually so bright a blue with fluffy white clouds that one could lay in the lush green grass, gazing upwards and make up shapes of animals, people or even different housing or mountains; were gray and looming, as if they were ready to foretell some great demise...

The Eve Wars were over now. Had been for three years. Settling into peaceful times for the people wasn't an overly easy task. Some had flashbacks, experiences during the wars that simply would not leave them alone in they're normal day-to-day lives. For those, nothing was normal, however now they have reached some off peak balance of normalcy in they're lives to make them livable.

Even with the Eve Wars being over and done with... there were still battles being waged. Different sorts of battles of everyday life: living, balancing bills, fighting off deceases, and, fighting for life. Hell ones own job was a small normal battle! There would always be people one could not help but not like; and those would find a way to ride your ever-loving last nerve... so it was a struggle to put up with them.

The battle though, for one man, whom had damned his own soul to fight for millions who weren't able to fight on they're own behalf... was still fighting. The one man whom should not have to know pain, heartache, and suffering any longer...

Was still experiencing all of these things and more.

Maybe the Gods were trying to tell them something with how the weather was today...? She didn't know; the two men standing next to her did not know as well. They simply sat, one on either side of the hospital bed covered in sheets of the lightest blue thought humanly possible, holding onto fragile hands.

Letting out a heavy hearted sigh, turning eyes away from the heart wrenching sight up to the sky, the woman let a fallen frown cross her lips, arms folding in self hatred across her chest of not being able to help the one lying in that bed...

Those hands, so softly a sun kissed tan, slightly callused, weren't able enough now to grasp even a spoon for more then a few seconds, before his somnolent fingers gave out, dropping the item. Had anyone told her months ago, that this young man, so damn fucking strong it wasn't even funny - would not be able to walk in a weeks time, she would have laughed at them, commenting about needing to be placed in a room with nicely padded white walls; and stating they did not know the man of which they spoke of.

But Goddamn it she couldn't!

She couldn't walk up to those would be people and laugh at them; she couldn't say they needed to see a shrink 'cause they're minds weren't in the proper working order. She couldn't kick someone in the ass for saying something so damn out of this world it would've made her fall over in glee of hearing it... She couldn't walk up to them to tell them to go to hell. She knew the man they were speaking of and he was as fit as a horse!

By the Gods! But she couldn't!

She could no further discredit those would be people then she could the young man lying in the bed mere feet behind her, breaths coming out in stuttered gasps... the young man who would erupt into coughing fits if he tried to talk even a little... the young man who could not even stay awake long enough to try!

Damn it all to Hell she couldn't deny the blasted tears coursing down her own bloody cheeks! Let alone pummel some imaginary asswipe for suggesting such a damn fooled thing...

But by the Gods it was true!

Five months ago that young man had been playing football with the best of them. heh Damn near killing one of the guys by tackling him a little too hard. It happened though - that was a rough sport. She shrugged mentally smirking. Five months ago he had taken her out on a 'date'. Ohh, it was just two friends getting together for dinner, but she loved to tease him of it being a real date. Loved watching as those round chiseled cheeks went from tan to a lovely dust rose... Adored watching him duck that head of unruly hair and grumble about 'women and they're damn twisted minds'.

Little over six months ago that same young man had proposed to the love of his life. Had gotten an acceptance and was the happiest she had ever seen him. Smiling, laughing and talking to all his friends (which he dearly loved more then brothers) about the occasion; making plans and throwing a large party to celebrate it.

Then sometime under five months ago he fell ill.

Deathly ill. For which not one doctor could find the cause of. No one knew what to do for him. Different treatments had been attempted; and failed. There was some speculation that the young man himself might know what's wrong with him - but there was no way to ask him; or rather, to get his answer.

Now, five months later to the day, he lay in bed, still, ragged breathing the only other sound in the room aside from the mostly stead beeping of his heartbeats. Every now and then, a sniffle, cry or two would shatter even that. Anyone who came to visit him fell victim to such emotions. Anyone who would not, was a cold-hearted son of a bitch and the lady staring out the window was not one for beating around the bush. She'd tell them point blank then kick them from the room - for good.

"He's waking up!" the excited, hopeful shout knocked her from her calamitous thoughts.

.

"Is he...? You're not joking, are you?" Please, please don't let it be a cruel joke... She knew in her heart the other man would no more joke about something like that then shoot himself in the foot! Yet it had been days, nearly a week since the ill ridden man had awoken last. She couldn't help but worry...

Suffering sigh, "Get over here, quickly!" barking to the worry laden woman to coming over and fast The man on the left side smiled tenderly down at the old, exhausted eyes staring back at him.

.

By the Gods above, those eyes were still as beautiful as the first time he had met them. Supposed they always would be... How long was it since they last opened? Last gazed into his worried midnight pools? How long gone was it they last shared an embrace of strong, secure arms? Not frail held by his steady and able ones? How long since they merely shared a kiss, letting pass all each felt for the other between them, with such a simple action?

.

Sweeping a hand through the most loved of dark hair the young man sighed. He could hardly remember the last time they had sat on the couch and watched a movie together. The last time they fell asleep in one another's arms because they refused like two stubborn mules to be away from the other, refused to go home to an empty apartment...

And then the man lying deathly still but for the rise and fall of his chest, weakly smiled. A loving action that touched the other's crying soul more then he could ever put into words. And yet that same smile, pained him; because it pained the ill man to make his muscles move in such a way... however he could gladly do it again if it would his watcher even a bit at rest.

.

Watching his friend's interaction (what little it was) with his sick one, made a smile, though sad, twitch across his lips.

Why was this happening? The thought ran like a rabbit on speed through his mind non-stop. Why damn it! Why!? Why to him? Why to them, now, in a time of peace?! What the Hell had the man lying there ever done but save the Goddamn world, if he was only going to die fuckin' three years later?

WHY!??

Was it too much for anyone to ask that he be able to live a life he never had the chance to before? But no, he was only left alone long enough to sample a taste of it before having it ripped away from his grasp, to be plunged into the pits of Hell with a sickness no one could fucking well cure!

.

Goddamn it all, he had a damn fiancé waiting for him! A fiancé who was going to be a widow before he ever got married! And he tried... worried lilac's drifted to gaze at his dark haired friend watching the other... He tried so Goddamn hard to be brave through it all. Tried for his love sick, to assure his chances of getting better. Tried for them all to keep up face and not let show his sorrow and fear that one day... they'll come to visit and they're friend, brother and love, would be dead. Would simply had stopped breathing during the night... his weak lungs giving out on him...

.

He seriously thought it'd of been better had the sick man just died three years ago instead of saving the fuckin' world. They didn't want him anyways. Didn't want any of them really... But they had done they're duty and Hell or high water they would get what they desired and wanted.

Just to live in peace; not to have people gawking at them as they walked on past... Not to have the press banging down they're damn doors for another frickin' interview that would just be blown out of proportion...

But no... Instead of those things now... his friend was going to die.

There was no recovery for what he had. Whatever the fuck it was... There was no getting better...

There was only "maybe" tomorrow.

What hurt him the most, gazing into those deep blue eyes... Was that this man, loved each of them with all his heart they had teased him of not having during the Eve Wars... That, had he had his way, there would be no pairing, no wedding. They would simply be living in one house together... forever. And he would be totally content with it.

He had fought for them. He had been shot and wounded for them. He bloody damn well lived for them. That was his life; living for them, to see them happy... That was what made him happy...

Heero Yuy loved them all like there was no tomorrow...

And for him... there might not be...

.

"Sally?" choked out a soft voice, eyes tearing up.

Straightening from her spot behind her braided friend Sally nodded silently, "Yes, Trowa?"

"We've gotta go, Sal..." came the whisper from her side, "We've got a concert to do..." Gods he didn't want to leave... The air felt wrong; something was off...

"But Duo-!"

"We know, Sally" eyes never looking from those deep, sad, ocean blue, "There's nothing we can do about it" regret laced his calm voice; but his eyes betrayed everything he was feeling, every hurt running through him.

.

Switching from one to the other, sighing, she reluctantly nodded and replied, "I understand." Though she truly didn't. So what if it was a benefit concert for Heero! Heero would've benefit from it! The only thing he benefits from is his friend's - the people he loves - presence beside him! Damn it all...tears stung once more against her lovely eyes.

Why couldn't she do anything? Why wasn't she able to help the man who was a brother to her?? WHY!? Goddamn it, why?! She was a doctor! She was supposed to be able to assist injured people in any circumstance to help them get better. Why the blood Hell wasn't she able to help Heero!? Damn it... she only wanted to help...

And it hurt... Oh God did it hurt her a thousand times more to look into those deep azure pools and see the sorrowed forgiveness there. The stubborn son of a bitch. He was dieing, there was nothing she - nor anyone - could do for him and he forgave her.

.

Because he loved her as a sister, because he knew she had tried with every cell of her being, to save him - and nothing had worked. Because he knew, as only he could, that he was dieing. And there was no stopping it...

.

And damn did it piss her off. It pissed her off so Goddamn much.

Here was a man who had been put through so much Hell in training and fighting that even Hades and Thanatos would bow in respect for the soul that could sill stand in light of it all. No one's life was a picnic. But his had been pure torture. It ruffled her feathers so damn much to see such a strong person crumble apart in mere weeks, to what he is now; what he had been for months now.

A young man on his deathbed; unable to move any limb save his fingers at the best of times, and only for a few short seconds; a man who rarely opened his eyes more then four to six times a week and when he did they were clouded over in so much pain... pain even the strongest of sedatives didn't seem to help...

And he was dieing because no one could help him... Probably because some damned Goddess or God has it out for him... Got jealous that Heero had all these people who loved him, and he loved in return... and the Gods had so much less...

.

"Come on Trowa... we've gotta go now..." making sure his voice was as soft as he could make it, with the lump in his throat, Duo tried tugging his friend away, but Trowa wouldn't move from that spot.

Glancing up from the loving, painful eyes below him emerald eye sparkled watery at his friend; silently seeking what he needed... what his soul craved.

Correctly guess what the pleading eyes wished of him, the braided man gently took hold of the lady doctor's hand and led her from the room. Content in waiting on his friend. His heart wasn't into playing tonight anyways... it just felt wrong...

.

"Heero..."

Blinking tiredly, always so tired... bottomless orbs of pained blue unsteadily locked with his lover's pretty emerald. "Tro...w..a..." He was always so strong... just like he tried to be... for them all...

But he was so tired...

.

"Hey there Mon Amore..." it was silly, stupid really... but he had to ask, if nothing else then just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "How are you feeling?"

Heero gave a slow, weary shake of his head, soft groan slipping from parched lips.

"I'm sorry..." solitary tear slipping down his cheek, one hand gently caressing soft planes of the face he adored more then anything in the world; his other gripping as tightly as he dared to one fragile hand, "La lumière de mon monde..."1 another tear followed the first on its downward trail.

.

"Tro...wa..." Don't cry. The words were lodged in his dry throat, wanting to leave, to tell his love not to cry for him... He hadn't the need to. It'd be alright... somehow...

He was still alive... though sadly Heero knew it was only by shirr force of will alone. His friends needed him; he would not abandon them. He would not let the people he loved suffer because of him. There had to be a way... maybe... maybe if he could hold on a bit longer... they would be able to figure something out for him... Maybe.

Maybe if he wished it enough, the little girl and her puppy standing in the corner would vanish from his sight... He did not wish to see her... not yet... he had more he was supposed to do... His family needed him still! There had to be hope left for him... There had to be! He was strong, Heero could hold on for a while longer... he could...

But Trowa... His dear sweet, gentle Trowa... had his head buried into his neck, hot droplets of water hitting his cooled skin. Trowa was crying... for him... because he loved and didn't wish to loose him... Heero. Because Trowa didn't want him to be hurting anymore; it hurt him to watch his love suffer, so Trowa suffered as well...

Oh Kami, he was tired... so tired... And weak. He could not even lift an arm - both arms! - to wrap his love in a comforting embrace... wasn't able to turn his head and kiss away the salty tears falling. He was so damn weak, and tired... always tired...

.

Wiping away his tears pulling away from his love, Trowa let out a shaky breath. Those eyes he worshiped more then the air he breathed were starting to droop with weighted pain, pulling the smaller man under its heavy vale.

"I've got to Mon Amor..." brushing back wild bangs, the European lad tried to muster up a bright smile, but only knew he had failed, it coming out sad, broken; a mere ghost of what it used to be...

"H..n..."

Chuckling softy, sliding his hands up and down the lithe arms lying motionless on the bed, hoping to install some warmth in to, Trowa could not help but to smile at that response. "Je vous aime..."

.

It hurt, but he tried... to smile for the green eyed man whom caught his heart so long again... it was hard though, through the pain lancing along his lips. He managed however... he was strong... could push the pain away for a little while...

"...Ai s...shi..t..teru..."

With the broken reply Trowa surged forward grabbing his Japanese love up from the bed in a tight bear hug, not caring if the action was hurting Heero or not. They both needed this. They both needed the reassurance even if it was for naught... but they didn't know that! Anything could happen...

And that was what scared them both.

That anything could happen. Trowa would leave for his concert, come back and find his love had died... not being able to hold on long enough for his return... that his poor body would give out on a soul clinging to it for all he was worth...

Anything could happen. Anything of the dreadful realm because, Trowa knew like the others did... there was nothing that could help Heero Yuy recover from whatever the Hell had brought the steadfast man crashing down to his back as he was. Nothing but Angel's wings or Trowa's own hands could lift Heero from that bed.

With those heartbreaking thoughts in mind, Trowa leaned forward, pressing his lips to those cooled ones of his love's, and tried with all he was, to will his energy into the other man, to will his want of living into his love... to be able to come back to the hospital and see those beautiful eyes open once more... before...

Before he let Heero Yuy go for the last time...

Pulling back from his soul filled kiss, loving eyes saddened more then he could say, to see that Heero had once more slipped into unconsciousness.

Trowa nearly ran from the room, past a worried Duo and frightful Sally, outside into the cold afternoon air and to the truck, waiting on his American friend to get there and leave. The sooner they got the damn concert over with the sooner he could return to Heero. He had to; there was no other choice. He didn't want to stay away; he didn't want to go at all! He wanted to stay with his love... yet he had to play this night...

Damn it...

.

They wouldn't listen! They never did. Shit. This was a bad idea; a very bad idea... Screw the concert, the concert could wait, could be re-scheduled. Spending time with someone whom was dieing could not! Damn them!

Worriedly shuffling over to the baby blue covered bed sitting in the chair Trowa had minutes before, Sally took hold of Heero's hand, bring it to her lips and kissing it then settling it back down covering with her other hand; Sally began to tap on it. Just a soft 'pat-pat', wait a few seconds then tap it again, 'pat-pat'... just something to let him know, possibility even in sleep, that Heero wasn't alone.

There was a felling in the air tonight... something wasn't right. Winds swirled and howled, birds were silent, coyote's howled at a quarter moon...

Well, whatever was happening tonight, Heero wasn't going to be alone. Not as long as she were there... and Quatre and Wufei should be there any minute now, to wait with her, to keep vigil over the frail man...

.

"Trowa come on!"

"Sorry..."

"Look man" laying a steady warm hand on slim shoulders, "I know you're worried... Fuck I'm worried! I got damn butterflies flyin' around Tro! You know me" Duo softly ranted, "I don't get nervous before a gig!"

Sighing, tiredly, Trowa nodded, "I know Duo... I'm sorry, it's just-"

"I know man... I know" hugging his friend, tightly, as much for the European's needs as his own, Duo stepped back. "Hades don't I know it... but come on, we've gotta practice now... It'll be alright, you'll see!"

He didn't believe his own words.

There was no way in Hell it was going to be "alright". Thanatos was coming for Heero Yuy's soul soon. Shaking his head, shivering; Duo had seen it. Heero wouldn't be able to last much longer as he was. His body was failing... he was in so much pain his mind was trying to crawl deeper inside of himself just to get away from it all... And his soul... The same stubborn son of a bitch it had always been... was hanging onto life by a fingernail! It wouldn't let go for anything if it knew his friends would be suffering for him... when it was gone... that bright light...

But there was nothing Heero could do about it damn it! He was going to die, it happened! Shittin' Hell fire and sand rock but Duo didn't want it to be his Heero! Not the man who saved his ass so many times during the wars! Not the man who called him a "baka", an idiot, and meant it as affectionately and as seriously in the same sentence, same time... Not the jerk that used Deathscythe's parts to fix his Wing Gundam...

DAMN IT NOT HEERO!!!

Minutes later further gathering themselves together; they walked onstage. It was quite; this was only a rehearsal. Looking over his shoulder Duo realized with no great sense of wretchedness, that no one wanted to be there. Even himself, didn't wish to be there, to sing this night. Zechs looked ready to throw down his drumsticks and leave, Relena was fidgeting with her microphone, Dorothy staring off into the rafters, eyes glazed over...

No. No they much rather would be in a certain Japanese man's hospital room, watching him, praying for him, hoping for him... Something, for him. Just like he had done many a thing for each one of them. They were his friends, his family, and Duo knew Heero loved them beyond what a normal person could comprehend!

Heero fuckin' lived his life for them! That was the problem! His stubborn ass didn't want to let go of life and ease his own pain when he knew he'd be hurting everyone else by leaving them. Well fuck that! Duo did not want to see his Asian buddy in any more pain; seeing him hurting the way he was now... was tearing him up inside...

He had to let... They - had to let Heero go... for his own sake.

"Sound check starting!" a voice shouted out; somewhere behind him Duo heard Zechs start pounding on his drums, just a short little tune, nothing fancy. Relena sang a few cords, Dorothy pitching in; Duo strummed a few notes, and Trowa belted out in that deep, smooth baritone everyone loved for a second before stopping.

It confused Duo to say the least. They never stopped until Mack told 'em it was all right; that they're systems were working well and good. Mack hadn't said anything of the sort yet.

Looking over to his right, seeing the tall brown-headed man, Duo frowned. Trowa was staring off into space. Trowa... getting ready to walk over to the man, Duo was stopped quite suddenly by an invisible force. What the hell? It was then; chancing another look to the unibanged boy that Duo caught it. A light glinting from the rafters.

He couldn't do anything but scream, watching in growing horror, as if in slow motion as one of the huge lights used for they're shows, started it's rapid decent downward towards the banged man.

Trowa didn't see it. Heard too late the American's screaming voice... a warning? Head snapping left, right, seeing nothing Trowa spared a moment to frown before looking up... and freezing.

He was going to die. Was the only thing going through his mind... Then, quite suddenly, time resumed it's normal speed and Trowa found himself with an aching stomach, flat on his ass, leaning up against a wall he didn't know how he arrived at... aside from the feeling he had been kicked away from what...? The light!

Slowly letting his eyes roam over to where he'd been standing, ignoring Duo's frantic questions if he was alright...? What the hell happened? Was he hurt? But all the European man could see, was a dark haired Angel with majestic silvery wings and piercing Prussian blue eyes smiling back at him... standing above the now crushed light fixture... where he had been standing. "H... Heero...?" his eyes widened.

Smiling lovingly, silently nodding, the Angel opened his mouth, and from it came the voice Trowa longed to hear again in so long... "~I would fight for you... I'd lie for you...~"

"Trowa? Buddy?" He was ignored, his friend staring off at the crushed light in a daze... a quite happy, if sorrow, daze.

"~Walk the wire for you...~" moving closer to his shocked lover, Heero no tenshi smiled a little wider kneeling down before him, "~Ya I'd die for you...~"

Head shaking in denial, "No." It couldn't be! Please... no...

"~Ya know it's true...~" leaning forward and placing his once again warm lips upon his loves, drawing back minutes later, Heero no tenshi's eyes watered, standing up. "~Everything I do...~" a few leaked out, his voice cracking, "~I do it for you...~"

Whispering the last line, he vanished. Slowly evaporating into nothingness. And Trowa wept openly, collapsing into the shocked American's arms.

Across town, in Khushrenada Memorial Hospital, room 309's heart monitor let out an eerily long, continuous tone... It's patient's heart having stopped...

Heero Yuy passed on, at 4:26pm, smile gracing his chapped lips.

.
~oOo~ * ~oOo~ * ~oOo~ * ~oOo~ * ~oOo~

1. La lumière de mon monde - The light of my world...


::teary eyed:: If no one even acts like they were gonna cry on this one I'll be upset. heh I had to stop several times 'cause I couldn't breath (damn stuffy nose) and was kinda cryin' on and off through most parts.

Well. That's what hit me out of nowhere. Sort of anyways. I had the idea of having the song play through with flashbacks of Heeroo helping each of the guys out of some situation... 'Cause I wanted it known he loved them *all* (though obvesouly one more then the others). But, the SL morphed while I wrote. I have no complaints though ^_^

Though sad, I hope y'all enjoyed. Review please!


Keep it kickin'!
~ Tsuki Doriimaa