Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Eyes Cold As Death ❯ One ( Chapter 1 )

I do not own Gundam Wing, and I use it here for the sake of entertainment ONLY-I am not making any money from this.

I wander around the sleeping cities and towns resting peacefully in the night. The moon overhead hangs in the darkness to light my way. Through the dusty streets filled with unfulfilled dreams I roam-searching for the one I lost. I cover many miles of unknown territory-searching, hoping. I know what it is I search for, but after three years, I still cannot find it.

I cannot find him.

I am lost.

Eyes Cold As Death

Chapter One-Descent into the Unknown

Lame fires licked the sides of rusted and blackened trashcans. Wasted men and women held out their hands to the useless fires, seeking warmth that was not there. Orange light flickered on their drawn and experienced faces-faces that make grown men cry. Their stories ranged from the bad to worse-they were the forgotten, the ones nobody chose to remember. They dropped out of society's sights, and remained out of the way.

Other fires were piled sparsely through the common woe. Chewed up cans of mash hung from makeshift spits. Monstrous figures of humanity hunched over the dying flames, guarding the shit they called food. It was not home…it was a living graveyard.

"Nanashi, ge' over here." Nanashi looked up from his food at the rotting face over the fire. He gracefully stood and shuffled around the meager flames. The fire was a cooking fire, not one for warmth. He wearily approached the speaker. "Sit." Nanashi sat, a little over an arm's length away, but still close enough as not to raise suspicion.

"What did you need, Gene?" The rotting face turned slowly to look at him. He still didn't trust Gene, after all, three years of hell are not to be taken lightly, and trust was his first virtue to go. Vacant blue eyes blinked almost uncomprehendingly at him, but he knew Gene, and he knew that blank stare was only a façade. What was disconcerting about this moment was the reflecting red of a flickering neon sign in Gene's eyes. He somehow knew that shade of purple eyes…but where?

"A rough lookin' bastard was lookin' your way. I though' it best tha' you were with me." Nanashi inclined his head only fractionally as a thank you. He gazed out over the fire at the approaching man. Somehow he looked familiar, but the memory was lost in the ever-present fog that licked constantly in his mind. He would grasp at snitches of memory and hold on for dear life, retaining only fragments of a vision, or perhaps only a word or color or smell. He had retrieved his name that way-Nanashi-he didn't know what it meant, only that he once knew someone who was called that at one time. He tried to recall the person, but to no avail. He watched the stranger, trying, most likely in vain, to place him. Any clue was one step closer to unlocking the secrets of his mind. No-it wasn't the man that was familiar, but the uniform.

"Do you know that uniform, Gene?" Gene grunted at being spoken to, but raised his eyes suspiciously to appraise the stranger. He poked at the fire with a stick he had recently selected from the ground.

"S'not Alliance," He stared a little longer. "Not Oz, either."

Oz.

"I don' think it's the Preventers, either."

Preventers. Oz. Maremeia.

Nanashi spoke. "Maybe it's the Eagle Squadron." Gene looked at him sharply.

"I've never heard of Eagle Squadron." Nanashi turned to meet Gene's dead eyes.

"I don't know." Nanashi continued to study the approaching soldier. Gene moved beside him. "Where are you going, Gene?"

"To find answers." Gene stood and shuffled around the fire. The soldier noticed the movement and met Gene halfway.

"You the leader here?" The soldier's voice was gruff, putting Nanashi on edge.

"The homeless don' have leaders." Gene cocked his head slightly.

"Philosophical nonsense. I want to speak to someone in charge."

"You can speak to me since you'll find no one in charge."

"I'm looking for Gundam Pilot 04."

"Gundam Pilot? The Gundams were destroyed years ago. I'm sure the pilot's received decades worth of shore-leave." Gene chuckled before continuing. "Anyway, why would a Gundam Pilot be hangin' `round with the diseased, homeless and bums? I think tha' they would have huge homes and wonderful naked women to go home to."

"Have you seen Pilot 02?" Gene's expression turned sour.

"Look, sir. I don' believe tha' you understand me. Gundam Pilots would never be caugh' dead hangin' `round here. They are too good. We are the homeless-the unwanted, the forgotten. Heroes would never, never be found here." The soldier grabbed at Gene's rags and pulled him close.

"I wouldn't recommend crossing me. I don't follow the rules of the bastard Preventers. I want those pilots, so I recommend that you tell me where they are before I kill you." Gene smiled up at the soldier, showing rotting teeth-of those that were left.

"Your threats are blessin's to me, soldier. I have wished to die for years. Look a' me, soldier, look close and tell me wha' you see." Gene raised a wasted hand. "I am Death."

"Don't mock me."

"I mock myself." Gene stared at the soldier. "Anyway, wha' leads do you have tha' make you think the Pilots are here? Wha' proof?" The soldier dropped Gene and pointed across the fire.

"Him. He's familiar." Nanashi started when the finger was pointed at him. Me? What did I do?

______________________________

Duo stared at the immense painting. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It was a painting mainly in black and gray, dark, dreary and yet there was light. It appeared to be raining; at least that's what he thought the rough diagonal gray lines were running through the painting. A cloaked figure holding a staff and reaching out to the far edge of the canvas could be seen through the gray curtain of rain. Duo liked to think of the figure as Death. Death stood looking into the distance from the left side of the painting, and in the distance on the right side of the canvas, a lighter figure could be seen curled up on the ground. Duo looked more closely at the figure and noticed that it was the only part of the painting that was in white. He stepped back and took in the entire painting-the cloaked figure stretching out his hand toward the white figure, who in turn was reaching out toward the cloaked figure, but darkness was between them-a darkness they could not pass.

A darkness that was war.

Within the maelstrom of darkness were simple streaks of red, so faint and buried within the black paints, that it was hardly noticeable to anyone who didn't study the painting. The red was blood, blood spilled by innocent and tainted alike. The angry strokes were the battles fought across hundreds of lands, disrupting the peaceful lives of many. The indentations in the piles of paint were the wastelands of graveyards where soldiers fell never to have a tombstone-never to be remembered.

Duo felt as if he were the cloaked figure reaching out to his friend, but could not reach because of the war. He, a Gundam pilot, was helpless to help. He turned at the sound of footsteps.

"Relena."

"Duo. How are you doing?" He shrugged his shoulders.

"I like this painting. Who did it?" Relena looked past him at the dark composition.

"The name of that painting is `Infinite Darkness' and the painter is Jaquès D'Anné."

"You just have to know where to look." Relena glanced at him, eyebrows raised.

"Huh?" Duo smiled at the memory.

"Quat and I had been captured and our captors had just brought Quat back from an interrogation session. I asked how he felt and he said that he had just been beaten to a pulp, but that he was `peachy'." Duo paused to chuckle at Quatre's words. "I told him that he knew how to see the bright speck in the infinite darkness, and he told me that he just knew where to look." Relena smiled at the story.

"Sounds like Quatre." Duo laughed.

"Yeah." Relena took his arm and led him from the painting.

"Come on, its time I got you to Lady Une." It had been three years since his return to Earth, but he had stayed with Relena, being unable to face his friends. He had, after agonizing for over a year and a half, contacted his friends by e-mail to let them know he was alright. He had used Relena's e-mail service to receive the messages that she had insisted were sure to come. She was right. Heero had e-mailed him back almost as soon as he had sent his message. He was nervous before reading Heero's reply because he thought that Heero would just yell at him for leaving, but when he read the e-mail there wasn't even a thought of anger-just concern. He had printed out the e-mail and kept it in his wallet as a reminder of the fact that his friends still liked him.

He took it out now to reassure him that he wouldn't be shot on sight. Relena had convinced him that he should take his old job back. She said that it would do him good to have something to do than mope around her house all day. She had said it good-natured, though, so he knew that she wasn't mad at him. Now he was being escorted to Relena's limo to be driven to Preventer HQ.

It wouldn't be the same building, now. After the third attack on HQ by the Eagle Squadron, Duo had learned; Preventer HQ had been completely and irrevocably destroyed, as well as the entire city south of HQ. Duo had no home. His home had been three miles southwest of HQ. That area was a crater.

The city council had decided to rebuild the city as far south as the old Preventer HQ, but not to go any further. Duo never heard why. Nallen's wasn't harmed in the attacks; neither was Quatre's place and Wufei's place. Duo didn't know where Sally, Noin, Une or Zechs lived, but he heard from Relena that they had either moved before the last attack, or their homes weren't touched. Trowa's place as well as his own was destroyed. And Heero's place-he wasn't quite sure if the destruction would have gotten to Heero's, for Heero's apartment was right on the border of the destruction. He had never asked, and Heero had never said.

He watched the passing city and nervously picked at his braid. He would find out in just a few minutes exactly what everyone thought about him. Did they blame him for Quatre's death, or did they feel like Relena did, that he had done all he could? He started bouncing his knees in nervous anticipation. Relena clamped her hand on his knees and smiled warmly at him. He smiled back-something he still did rarely. He just didn't ever feel like smiling. There wasn't anything to smile about. Quatre was dead. Relena had tried to reassure him that Quatre wasn't dead-that they had no proof of his death and they weren't giving up hope, but he couldn't bring himself to believe her. So he would just smile and nod and go away. He knew that Relena knew that he didn't believe her, but he promised to do whatever she wanted if he was wrong. She had grinned a terrifying grin and agreed. Duo was almost inclined to believe her after that just so he didn't have to dread what she might possibly do to him. However, he wasn't as optimistic as she was. She hadn't seen how pale he had been, nor had she seen the sheer amount of blood was pooled on that dead concrete-no, she didn't know.

"Duo, we're here." Duo sat up, letting the last remains of his thoughts flow away. He gazed out of the window at the squat concrete ugly as all hell building. It was unmarked, so it must be HQ. He scrunched his face in disgust. Where were the windows?

"Its ugly." Relena laughed and nodded her head.

"I agree, but it was the best we could do. This is an old military complex-mainly offices and storage-from the old Alliance-before Gundams even existed. It only took us a couple of weeks to renovate it. Most everything we needed was already in place."

"What did you do?"

"We renovated the storage area so it could hold equipment and weapons storage as well as the basis for Intelligence and a couple other offices. I'm sure Lady Une will give you the tour-I don't really know everything about this complex." Duo absently nodded his head as he was led into the barren complex. Inside, it was much of the same-dead concrete, cubicles, and fake-looking fake plants that someone had thrown against a wall, probably in some vain attempt to liven the place. He repressed a shudder as he stepped into the elevator. He searched for Relena's hand and was relieved when she grasped it and held on. He thanked whatever gods he could think of and prayed that Death would stay away. He prayed that Death would take him before He took any of his friends. The elevator came to a rest on the lowest floor and the doors slid open silently. As they stepped out of the elevator, Duo whistled appreciatively. The security system was immense-must be Heero's doing. That meant that everyone…

"Duo." Heero's steely voice was heard slightly before his body rounded the corner. "Its good to see you." Duo could feel himself beginning to sweat. He hadn't anticipated running into Heero quite yet. He rubbed his hands nervously on his pants before extending a hand. He was about to speak when Heero grabbed him and pulled him into a hug.

A hug?

"Heero? I'm…um…glad to see you too." Duo had no choice other than to wrap his own arms around Heero.

"I missed you, Duo." Heero's words were muffled by Duo's black shirt, but perfectly understandable. There could be no mistake-Heero cared for him-Duo. Heero pulled abruptly away, swatting furiously at something that looked like a tear. Heero, crying? Duo was flabbergasted. "Don't ever leave like that again with out at least saying good-bye. Please." Please? This was a little too much.

"Um…okay. I promise." He squirmed while Heero looked him over with a critical eye.

"You've lost weight." Duo looked down at himself.

"I haven't had much of an appetite since before I left." Heero nodded sharply.

"Mission accepted." Yup. Same old Heero. But was that a sparkle I saw in his eye? "I'll take you to dinner-on me-after you're done with Lady Une." Duo couldn't help but grin.

"Sure. Sounds like fun."

"Good. It's a date, then." Duo lost control of his jaw as Heero spun on his heel and disappeared around the corner. He felt Relena's hand under his chin and felt her gentle pressure replacing his jaw into a more comfortable position for him.

"You look like a fish, Duo."

"Date? He asked me on a…a…a date?" He felt as if he were about to hyperventilate as Lady Une came up to him.

"Good afternoon, Duo. It's a pleasure to work with you again."

"A date!"

______________________________

Wufei was laughing so hard he thought that he would end up on the ground-just like Sally had. He gingerly wiped tears from his eyes as he watched Duo Maxwell's mouth open and close like a fish. Sally was currently rolling on the floor, doubled over in laughter when Duo's jaw had fallen to the floor after Heero had, oh so calmly, informed Duo that they were going on a date. Ever since then, Sally had been laughing so hard, that Wufei wasn't sure if she was breathing. He bent down to rub her back-still laughing.

"Did you get that on tape?" Heero leaned over the console and began rubbing his hands in anticipation-grinning like a madman. The whole thing had been planned out the day before, when Une had told them that Duo would be back. Heero made sure that his hard drive was free from clutter and would be able to hold at least twenty minutes of video and audio feed. Wufei had agreed to help set up, after of course making sure that this wasn't a practical joke-as much as he couldn't stand Duo much of the time, he still didn't want to see Duo hurt. If only to keep a moping American out of his office-but that was only his pretense. Only Sally knew that he considered Duo one of his closest friends-a younger brother to be exact. He felt as if Duo and Quatre were his brothers and Trowa and Heero his best friends. They were his family-they just didn't know it.

"Of course." Wufei stood up to join Heero at his laptop while Sally's gasps and giggles began to die down. Another sadistic grin from Heero Yuy.

"Good." Wufei shook his head at the typical sci-fi bad guy-rubbing his hands and drawing out his words in sheer pleasure. A scene from the archaic movie "Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie" came to mind. He shook his head fighting the urge to burst into tear-filled laughter again.

"When do you plan on showing it to Maxwell?"

"On our first anniversary." Even Sally stood up at that remark. He and Sally exchanged startled glances.

"You've thought this out well, Heero." Sally placed her hand on Heero's shoulder. "What made you come up with this wonderful idea?" Heero turned to her and smiled.

"You did, in your conversations about you and Wufei." Wufei enjoyed Sally's fierce blush.

"At least we know that he's as suave as ever, Sally." He laughed. Heero looked slightly insulted.

"I have wanted Duo for a very long time, as I'm sure you know. I thought that I lost my chance when he disappeared. So now that he's back, I'm not about to waste my chance." Wufei nodded his agreement at Heero's logic while Sally hugged Heero.

"I'm proud of you, Heero." Sally smiled. Heero nodded to the both of them and virtually skipped out of the room. Sally slid her hand into Wufei's.

"They'll do well together. I have high hopes."

"I agree, Wufei."

"I love you, Sally." Sally leaned in for a kiss.

"I love you, too."

______________________________

Thunk. Gasp.

Thunk thunk. Gasp.

Thunk. Thunk thunk thunk thunk.

Thunk.

The roar of the crowd is deafening as they leap to their feet screaming in amazement and pleasure. I don't remove my mask to bow; I don't have a face…or a name. I am here to support Cathy, nothing more. The crowd does not applaud me; they applaud the knife-thrower. I get recognition from Cathy and the Manager and the other circus employees…

"Wow! He didn't even flinch!"

…Or, every once in a while, by a stray member of the audience. It does not matter to me. I am used to being in the background-to being unnoticed. I rather prefer it, actually, but…

"Good job tonight, Trowa."

"Thanks, Cathy. You, too." I press my sister to me before making my way to my trailer.

Alone.

I do not want anyone around me after the performances. Its my time…mine and Quatre's time. I enter the darkened trailer and light the pillar candle that waits for me by the door. It's not the original candle-no, I've replaced it twice, and this one's halfway burned. It still sits in the same place; however, the place I know Quatre would be waiting for me…if he were here.

The flame flickers silently in an invisible draft-one I can't even feel. I attribute it to Quatre's emotions-wherever he may be. I know he's alive…I can feel it…in my mind, in my soul…

In my heart.

I take a seat on my frayed couch and face the burning flame. A golden crown upon an eye of blue-the flame reminds me of Quatre. I've been reading a lot of poetry over the last few years, and have been able to see reminders of Quatre everywhere I turn. One more reason to know that he's alive.

I stare into the flame-the only light within my humble home. It's the only light I need this late into the night. The only reminder. Every night, usually after each performance, I stare at this flame until I begin to fall asleep. It's my time with Quatre. I imagine myself holding his smaller body while we whisper away the day, and look upon tomorrow with eager eyes.

Together.

For three years, I have wandered the globe as a clown, looking in every town for my beloved. For three years, I have sat with this flame, wishing that the next town will give me a lead. The e-mail I read just after my exile from the Preventers gave me hope. I laughed when I saw the black type asking me how heavy my arms were. It didn't have a signature-it didn't need one. I knew it was Quatre. It was Quatre that I saw running for the forest-not Wufei. I still wonder where he had gone. Did Heero and I miss him by only a few minutes? Could he be in my arms today if we had waited instead of catching the next flight?

All I can to is take a deep breath and know that I'll find him someday. I can't change the past-but I can guide my future.

I turn momentarily from the flame to pick up the circus schedule. I squint at the barely discernable type in the low light, but I'm too stubborn to turn a light on.

"Maybe, Quatre, I'll find you in Svetlaine. I'll be there in two days-wait for me, love."