Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Eyes Cold As Death ❯ Five ( Chapter 5 )

Its you, I know, but you don't seem to. Where have you gone? Disappearing into your head. I'll bring you out, don't worry.

You say you don't trust, so you must remember a little, just enough to question yourself.

Believe me, you will remember.

One day.

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Eyes Cold As Death

Chapter Five--Confusion on High

Sunlight warmed Wufei's tired face as he closed his eyes and basked in the moment--a moment of the kind he had no time for. Feeling the tingling of the light, he let his thoughts drift back to Sally. He could feel the corners of his mouth pull up into a smile as he thought of her unabashed laughter, her genuine smile that pulled him to her, her bedroom eyes that always glinted with mischief or… His smile broadened. He wouldn't go there at this time, he had a mission. With that thought he opened his eyes and resumed his previous pace, realizing at that moment that he had slowed considerably. He glanced around at the fair grounds spread before him. When he landed, he had seen a flyer for Trowa's circus, so he thought that he'd stop by and at least see how his old friend was doing.

It had been too long since he had last seen Trowa. His friend had taken Quatre's capture and disappearance with severe difficulty, resulting in his being placed on indefinite suspension from the Preventers. It had seriously hurt the team to have three pilots out of commission--whether it be from POW status, dis-chargement or disappearance. He desperately hoped that he would find Trowa in good health.

He rose above the last hill to see the expanse of the circus spread before him…and the glint of a sword.

"What is your business here? Strangers don't come here this early unless they're in uniform." A dark tenor filled the air, low and threatening. Wufei let his gaze traverse the unmoving sword to its owner's hand. The first thing he noticed was the stained bandages wrapped tightly around a hand apparently of steel. The next thing was the deadly blue eyes that stared unflinchingly at him, delving deep into his soul as if searching for a sign that said 'friend' or 'foe'. The gaze, so threatening and cold, made his heart stop.

"Quatre?" If any recognition or surprise swept across Quatre's stony face, Wufei couldn't see any trace. He wanted to step forward, to embrace his resurrected friend, but somehow knew that if he did, he would be killed without a second thought.

"I asked you a question." His voice was too steady, and too cold. It froze Wufei's nerves, and made him shiver in the sunshine. Quatre leapt at Wufei, swinging his sword at Wufei's chest. He brought up his sword to block Quatre's attack, feeling the strength behind Quatre's swing vibrate through his unprepared wrist. His eyes widened as Quatre attacked again. He raised his sword fully and felt his adrenaline begin pumping savagely through his veins. He counter-attacked causing Quatre to back away, dropping into a crouch. He waited for Quatre's next move, not wanting to fight his friend.

"Chang Wufei, Preventer. I'm looking for Preventer Trowa Barton." He decided that it would be best, considering his position and Quatre's lack of acknowledgement to be official. The sword lowered--slightly.

"Preventer…I know the Preventers." Quatre's eyes unfocused and he was clearly talking to himself. Wufei decided to remain silent…to see what would unfold. There were only two ways to learn: through doing, or through observing. He felt that observation was the correct path. "Chang Wufei…Wufei." Quatre closed his eyes. "Nataku." Wufei felt his heart jump into his throat. Quatre shook his head. "I don't know you, Wufei." He knew better, though, Quatre knew how to address him in the familiar, and he knew Nataku. Quatre leaped at Wufei again, swinging his sword in a wide arc that was too easy to block, but left Wufei wide open, only too late to realize. Quatre spun around on a planted foot and thrust his sword at Wufei between his arm and body. Wufei anticipated the thrust and spun out of the sword's deadly path.

"What do you know about Nataku?" Wufei started to play his hand. Quatre may not remember, but he remembers enough. Quatre looked at him sharply, cocking his head to one sideâ€"a pure Quatre movement.

"Goddess of Justice…a Warrior Goddess. I think." Wufei nodded his head.

"I piloted a Mobile Suit named Nataku." A moment passed before Quatre answered in a small voice.

"Sandrock?" Wufei smiled. The memory was there, Quatre just needed to find the key. However, Quatre raised his sword. "What do you want with Trowa?" This time, Quatre's voice dripped with venom. Wufei stepped back from the pure hatred emanating from Quatre.

"What happened to you?"

"I've been hunted." He brandished the sword closer to Wufei. "Its kill or be killed in this town. What will it be for you?" Quatre's eyes narrowed.

"I don't want to fight you, Quatre. I'm your friend."

"I don't have any friends." With that lonely statement, Quatre spun and attacked again. Wufei's sword vibrated with the pure strength behind Quatre's attacks.

"Is Trowa not your friend?" He shouted above the clamor of steel. Quatre's sword came to rest upon Wufei's. The pitch dropped as friction decreased between the locked swords.

"I don't know." Quatre quickly pulled away, sword held defensively in front of him, warding Wufei away. "Why am I telling you this?" It appeared to Wufei as if there were cracks in the ice of Quatre's eyes.

"Because we've been through life and death together. We've had to rely on each other through battle and peace. Because you've held me together when I could do nothing but fall apart. Because you reminded of what we were truly fighting for…because we're friends. Whether you remember or not, we are friends." Wufei sheathed his sword, let Quatre strike me. "I'll not fight you, Quatre." Quatre's eyes seemed to be warming up, the eternal ice slowly melting. He quickly turned away from Wufei's appraising gaze.

"I remember your intense stare. I didn't used to make me uncomfortable, but it does now." Quatre slid his sword into its leather case. "Trowa's this way, but…" Quatre turned to face Wufei, eyes sparkling with bloodlust, "I'll be watching every move you make." Wufei understood, perfectly, the hidden and unspoken threat.

"I wouldn't expect any less from you."

"This way, Wufei." Wufei watched the way Quatre walked with a tense purpose, almost as if he were waiting for an attack. What had happened to make Quatre so weary? He thought back to the Wanted flyer that Dorothy had handed him.

"They call you Alecto." Quatre didn't even spare him a backward glance.

"I know. I guess Nanashi wasn't good enough for them." Wufei closed his eyes, Nanashi meant No Name. "Anyway, I take it as a compliment."

"Compliment?" Wufei still had his eyes closed.

"The Greek Goddess of enduring hate." Quatre's voice was soft, but it seemed so close. "If you don't keep your eyes open, Wufei, anyone can attack you." He snapped his eyes open noticing that Quatre was no longer in front of him.

"How…?" His voice came out strangled. It wasn't possible, no one could sneak up on him, no one.

"I'm a Goddess. I can do anything." He turned to face Quatre. Quatre's eyes were sparkling with life as he grinned mischievously at him.

"I'm glad to have you back, Quatre." Quatre cocked his head, though his eyes lost none of their sparkle.

They traversed the circus in silence, shortly coming to a rest before a non-descript trailer. Quatre opened the door and motioned for Wufei to enter. As he moved through the door, he noticed Quatre gazing intently at the horizon, hand on his sword. He turned his attention to the inside of the trailer, immediately recognizing it.

"This is Cathy's home, isn't it." He saw Quatre's eyes widen almost imperceptibly in surprise. Quatre nodded. "I remember it from the war."

"Which one?"

"I was here during the first war of A.C. 195. She and Trowa took me in and helped me after I failed a mission. I remember her things." He watched as Quatre fingered a picture of Trowa.

"I don't know where I was. I can't remember anything." He stopped rubbing the frame. "It must be nice to have knowledge of who you are and where you belong."

"I wish that some of my memories were hidden from me. I have many that I care not to remember."

"But they make you who you are. You have an identity through your memories--good and bad. I would gladly take bad memories in order to know that I have a place in the world…even if that place is in front of a burning trashcan uselessly warming my hands." Quatre looked at him. "Then at least I would know that that's where I belonged."

"You have memories that are harsher than some of mine. Why would you want to remember those." Quatre's eyes flashed, perhaps with jealousy, or anger. He couldn't tell which.

"It's better than not knowing where you've been, who you know, what you've done. When I look around, everyone knows their own past--they know that they are so many years old and have a scar on their knees from that incident. I don't. I have numerous scars on my body that I don't know how I got them. I'd want to know if I got them from a childhood fall from a wobbly bike or if I got them from a vicious rape. Can you tell me why I scratch my elbow? Can you tell me why I trust you even through all of the shit that I've been through these last three years? Can you tell me?" Quatre swept his arm out, encompassing the small trailer. "Cathy has a memory of these things. She knows where she got them. She can remember the bad as well as the good through these objects. Trowa knows them. You know them. But I do not." He pointed at a picture of him and Trowa, eyes glistening with tears. "I look so happy there. Don't you think I deserve to know why?" Wufei lowered his eyes in shame. Quatre was wise beyond his years. It was true, memories shaped and molded people into what they are. Without the death of Merian, Wufei would have stayed with his nose buried in a book and never have fought justly with the four men he admired most today. He would have never met Sally. Without the sacrifice of his home colony, he never would have been able to respect a home so much. Without that loss, he couldn't have become the man he was today.

"Without conflict, there is no advancement. Without challenge, there is no improvement. Without memories, how is one supposed to learn? I understand." Wufei looked up into Quatre's eyes. "I took that picture. Just after it was taken, Trowa kissed you and Duo pushed you and Trowa into a room, claiming that the two of you needed a room." Wufei started to laugh at the memory. "Less than four hours later you were heading toward your last mission." His voice shook as he recalled the memory. To find that Duo had come back an emotional mess and Quatre hadn't returned at all. He looked back into Quatre's concerned eyes. "Sally said that she saw you. It was three years ago, but you didn't remember her. I knew then that I'd see you again. You're too strong to go silently into the night."

"You've got that right. I don't go down without one helluva fight." Quatre took a step closer to him. "Did Sally have blonde hair that she wore in twists?" Wufei nodded. "I remember her." Quatre looked away. "If she had found me twenty minutes earlier, perhaps none of this shit would have happened. But as it was…" Wufei placed his hand on Quatre's shoulder.

"What happened." Quatre jerked away.

"I'm too trusting. Even now, I tell you, a complete stranger, what's inside me…at least what I know." Quatre threw up his hands, eyes flashing angrily. "Goddamnit!" Quatre turned and slammed the door open, not once looking at Wufei. "Fuck!" The door slammed shut behind Quatre and Wufei stood there speechless.

"He remembers how he feels toward us, but he cannot remember us. It sends him on some wild mood swings." Wufei turned to the soft voice drifting behind him. Trowa leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, a serene expression painted on his face.

"How long?"

"Cathy and I ran into him three days ago. He's been here for two."

"What happened." Trowa gestured to the couch and Wufei sank into its soft cushions.

"Cathy and I got separated late at night looking for Quatre after she found someone that said he was alive. Cathy ran into Quatre, he had been hiding from us, thinking we were soldiers, but when Cathy stopped, he helped her. I was surrounded by the local rape-gang, and Cathy ended up beside me--she has impeccable timing. Quatre saved us. He killed every last one of those motherfuckers. He stayed behind to fight off a wave of reinforcements while Cathy and I escaped. The next day, yesterday, he ended up at the circus." Trowa sat down beside him. "He's still trusting, but it's only with us. He won't even look at any of the other performers. He keeps to himself, mainly, but I understand why. He is distrusting of me, he's a lot closer to Cathy, but…" Trowa gestured helplessly. "I think he'll come around. He let's me touch him without flinching, now. Well, sometimes."

"What happened to him?"

"The usual. He's been on the streets for three years without a name. He's attractive and alone. I'm sure that he's been used. I want to find those fuckers and tear off their skin and leave them to rot in the gutter." Wufei nodded his agreement.

"Will he be back?" Trowa looked at him sadly.

"He'll be back. Most likely within a half an hour."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant." Trowa rubbed his face. "Why are you here. Wufei?"

"To find Quatre. To find you." Wufei pulled out the Wanted flyer and handed it to Trowa. "Dorothy found this and sent me to bring Quatre home. When I saw that your circus was here I was able to kill two birds with one stone. We need you, Trowa. The Eagle Squadron is amassing again. Their attacks are coming more and more frequently, and Relena's getting nowhere with her Senators or the representatives of the Eagle Squadron."

"Lady Une told me exactly how much she needed me."

"I don't agree with what she did, but I understand why. You needed a break. Quatre's capture and disappearance was devastating to all of us, I don't even want to imagine how hard it was for you. However, it's been three years. I think you can fight again. Plus you've found Quatre…maybe not in the condition you were hoping for, but we can help him." Trowa looked away. The door opened, admitting Quatre. Trowa got up to greet Quatre who clung to Trowa like it was for dear life.

"What's wrong, Quatre?" Quatre pulled abruptly away, shaking his head. Trowa gazed after him wistfully. Quatre reached the bedroom door and stopped, his hand on the doorframe. Quatre's shoulders began shaking and a sob tore itself from his throat.

"I want to remember. I want to know from my own point of view why I make you happy. I want to know why I feel for you the way I do." Quatre turned, leaning on the doorjamb with his profile visible. "I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to see pain on your face anymore. I want you to be happy. I want to be happy. I want you to touch me." Trowa approached Quatre slowly, reaching out his hand to Quatre's quaking shoulder. Wufei sat, transfixed on the scene before him, his heart breaking at every sob and every word. Trowa's fingers brushed Quatre's shoulder, and he drew Quatre to him, stroking the fine blonde hair.

"I am happy, as long as you're with me. That's the most I can ask for, Little One."

"Little One? I remember Little One." Trowa smiled into Quatre's hair, his hand sliding down the braid, much like Heero's hand on Duo's hair.

"You're my Little One." Quatre stiffened and pulled away.

"I'm not anyone's slave." Trowa shook his head smiling.

"No, you aren't. But you own my heart."

"Do I belong to anyone? To you?"

"I don't own you, but I do love you."

"I…I…I…" Quatre slowly turned and walked to the couch, flopping down without any grace. "I don't know." He raised his face and looked at Wufei. Wufei could feel his face burning with shame at being present to such a personal conversation. He sat silently under Quatre's calm gaze as Trowa sat down beside Quatre. Quatre got up and moved to the chair. Trowa's eyes glistened with unshed tears.

"Hey, Trowa. It's almost show time." Cathy popped her head into the trailer, her eyes widened as they rested on Wufei. "Oh, hello again." She moved gracefully into the trailer, holding out her hand to him. He shook it and smiled at her.

"Its good to see you again." Cathy inclined her head.

"I hope you stay for our performance."

"I'd love to." Cathy turned to Quatre.

"Are you going to come?" Quatre's face brightened.

"Of course! How could I miss it?" The depressing mood of only a few seconds ago was erased, revealing the simple ease of circus life as they piled out of the trailer and toward the brightly lit circus tent. Cathy and Trowa disappeared behind the crew curtain as Quatre led Wufei to front-row seats. As they sat, Quatre leaned over to him. "I'll trust you because it's apparent that both Trowa and Cathy trust you."

"I am honored." Quatre gazed at him with the same iciness from earlier.

"For their trust, or mine?" Wufei matched Quatre's gaze, hoping that Quatre could see the honesty within them.

"Yours, because it is given without true knowledge."

"You are wise."

"No. I'm not." He turned solemnly back to the rings spread before them.

"Who are you?" Wufei looked again at Quatre's almost vacant stare.

"I am Nataku's chosen. I am a warrior--not by choice, but by fate."

"Same here." Quatre scooted closer to him; his shoulders relaxing. Wufei fought the urge to touch his shoulder.

"I am pleased, Brother." Quatre smiled.

"Brother."

After the performance, Wufei, Trowa and Quatre sat in Trowa's sparsely decorated trailer. Cathy had claimed fatigue and disappeared into her trailer, leaving the three of them to talk. However, only Wufei and Trowa were doing any talking, for Quatre had long ago fallen asleep with his head cradled on Trowa's lap. Wufei had dragged his chair to face Trowa as he explained the rapidly deteriorating situation with the Eagle Squadron. The Wanted flyer lay forgotten in Trowa's fist. Trowa's other hand idly stroked Quatre's hip, and Quatre had a small smile on his face, occasionally wriggling his hips into a more comfortable position.

"We don't know how to stop them. We're in that dark no matter which way we turn."

"I won't go back without Quatre."

"Trowa, I was never asking you to. I think that Quatre needs to get away from his torture here and get back into his home--his real home. He'll have a better chance at regaining his memories there rather than here."

"I know, but what if he doesn't want to go?" Wufei pointed at the flyer crumpling in Trowa's hand.

"I think he'll want to go." Trowa leaned forward, both hands gripping the paper. Quatre moaned and sat up, rubbing at his eyes and yawning. His gaze fell upon the page shaking in Trowa's death-grip.

"Wow, is that about me?" Quatre reached for the page and Trowa relinquished it. Quatre jumped up on the couch, grinning like mad at the flyer. He spun around, almost toppling off the couch, with the paper pressed tightly to his chest. "I'm wanted! Look! They want me dead!" Quatre laughed heartily, shaking the page excitedly. He sat down, leaning close as if to impart a deadly secret. "You know what that means?" He waited a moment. "That means that I've killed a lot of them. That means that I've pissed them off royally. I'm dangerous." Quatre leaned back onto Trowa's lap as Trowa stared at him in shock. Wufei just smiled. "I'm wanted."

"Quatre?" Quatre had closed his eyes, finding his lost position in Trowa's lap, the Wanted flyer clutched tightly in his hand. Trowa shook his head, enjoying again the feel of Quatre's head resting on his leg. He missed this.

"I don't know if I should be proud like he is, or if I should be worried." Wufei chuckled softly.

"Probably a little of both."

______________________________

"Lady Une!" Une turned at the sound of her name barked sharply from tense lips. "I have a report…" She raised her eyebrow at the pale Private. Good help was so hard to find.

"Yes?"

"We have satellite photos taken in the facinity of Mars." Une felt her heart skip a beat. Not Mars. The Private set the photographs in front of her, brusquely pointing out key features. "As you can see here, there are several objects on a high speed trajectory as seen in this later photo taken just minutes later. It appears that the objects have traveled hundred of kilometers in just minutes."

"Your point."

"We can pick out at least two hundred individual objects--we think they are mobile suit transports."

"Transports?"

"About twenty dolls in each transport as of common consent."

"Four thousand suits…"

"As of what we can see at this point in time. It could be more."

"Thank you, Private." Une picked up the glossy photos that depicted suffering and death to everything she had worked for. She sat down on the table the photos had occupied moments before. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place--literally. Relena couldn't get through to the political leaders of the Eagle Squadron and wouldn't give her any leeway to operate at full battle alert. She highly doubted that this new information would sway Relena in her policy. She was still, at least, one Gundam Pilot short; two, if Trowa didn't come back.

"Lady Une?" She looked up at the new speaker. "Relena would like to speak with you."

"Thank you, Noin." Noin nodded and left, leaving Une to contemplate what reason Relena had for calling. She switched her viewscreen on, smiling at Relena. "Hello, what can I do for you?"

"Not for me, for someone else." Une raised her eyebrow. "I have a friend who I was just in contact with. He's returning to the city, but he is in need of medical attention. I know that Sally is a phenomenal doctor, and I was hoping you could assign her to my friend." Relena leaned forward as she said 'friend'. Une squeezed her eyebrows together in curiosity.

"I'm sorry, Relena. I'm afraid I can't give Sally any additional assignments due to the crisis we are currently experiencing. I can have Sally recommend someone else, though."

"I'm afraid that that won't be good enough. Sally is clearly the best qualified for this, she has the most knowledge of my friend. She'll be able to help him much better."

"Do I know your friend?" Relena's eyes lit up.

"Oh, yes. You know him quite well. I believe you knew him when you were younger. He has taught you a few things about survival." Une was thoroughly confused.

"Who? I can't think of such a friend." Relena's face darkened.

"I'm afraid, Une that my time has run out, I have another conference call. Just, please, make sure that Sally is prepared for Zero's arrival. We would hate for him to get upset and do something drastic, now wouldn't we?" She felt as though Relena's eyes were going to pop out of her head from straining so badly. She reminded herself that she should train Relena to speak on an unsecured line, although her line was perfectly secure. A light blinked three times after the connection was severed… Well, maybe this line isn't completely secure.

Shit.

"Noin!" Une stepped through her office door. Noin appeared from around the corner.

"Yes sir?"

"Check all of the secure lines…have Heero help you. Make sure that they are all secure. Do this as a routine check, I don't want to raise any suspicion." Noin gave her a confused look, but saluted and moved off to find Heero. She was left alone to decipher Relena's cryptic message.

A common friend, a friend that she knew. As far as she knew, the only friends she and Relena had in common were the pilots. And what was that bit about a lesson in survival? All of the pilots had proved themselves to be excellent survivors. Was this Trowa? After all, Trowa had survived a mobile suit explosion in the coldness of outer space. But Zero? Where did that factor in? And why would Trowa do anything drastic? Une paced around her office contemplating the riddle. As far as she knew, Trowa didn't have anything to do with the Zero system other than to be shot down by it…oh. Quatre. Quatre had done something drastic while under the influence of Wing Zero. He had completely destroyed two colonies. He had survived both wars, and…if she was on the right track, he had survived his capture. Did Relena know where Quatre was? Was Quatre returning? And if so, what was this deal about medical attention? Was he hurt? And, how the fuck did he survive the last four years? Une was aghast. There's no way. We scoured the Earth for Quatre. Hell, we even scoured the Colonies, so where the fuck has he been? Quatre… Une bolted out of her office.

"Sally!" She ran down the hall toward Sally's office. "Sally!" Sally raised her head as she burst into the cramped office. "I need you to take an assignment." She stopped, making a face at her words. She was too excited. She took a deep breath and started again. "I have an assignment for you. A friend of Relena's is coming to town, and I need you to take care of him. This is classified. Upon confirmation of the friend's arrival, I will hold a meeting involving the other pilots, but until that time, I need absolute secrecy. Understood?"

"Am I to be treating this 'friend'?"

"Yes. It appears as if he needs medical help."

"Understood." Une smiled at Sally, reviling in the knowledge that Quatre might be coming home. She had to talk to Relena face to face. And soon.