Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Falling Snow on Christmas Eve ❯ -- ( One-Shot )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

LSE // 12-19-02
(Falling Snow on Christmas Eve)
rated: PG - adult themes
shounen-ai/yaoi
--A sonfic to Dan Fogelberg's "Same Old Lang Syne"



Falling Snow on Christmas Eve




Three ninety-seven, for a box of pasta? Christ, what was the world
coming to? I set the box back on the shelf and moved away, hands
shoved into my pockets. I didn't have enough time to fix real food
anyway, or, come to think of it, a stove.

It looked like nuke-able food was on the menu for the umpteenth time
that week. After a while, once you forgot what all was actually in a
frozen dinner, the tastes blended to the point where the label didn't
matter anymore. Chicken with mashed potatoes tasted just the same as
roast beef with corn. Except, if you were lucky, the potatoes weren't
chunky.

Shuffling past the real food, I started down the row of frozen cases,
looking for the cheapest price, because there didn't seem any real
reason to buy the expensive nukes if the cheap tasted just the same.
From the corner of my eye, I caught sight of another man cruising the
aisle with one of those shopping baskets over one arm, but it was
almost full. For some reason, I found myself staring at the man,
until the reason became painfully clear.

I knew that unruly head of chocolate hair and slender frame. I knew
him just as surely as I knew my own face. Heero.

--Met my old lover in the grocery store
--The snow was falling Christmas Eve

He hadn't seen me yet, so intent was he on studying the frozen pizza
before him. From the look of the other food in his basket, nukeables
was an emergency food. A loaf of breadbumped gently against his elbow
as he pulled open the case and drew out a red and white box. I could
only stand there, as frozen as my dinner companions, as he started to
leave the aisle. There was no way I was going to let him walk out of
my life again.

Wordlessly, I stalked him to almost the end of the aisle and reached
out, lightly resting a hand on his shoulder. I almost expect the hand
to pass right through him and this oasis, this mirage, to disappear.
Instead, he turned, a startled look on his face, but no recognition.

I wanted to say his name, and I wanted him to say mine. Instead, I
could only stare into his eyes and marvel at seeing myself reflected
out of them once more. Surreal to find him here after all these years
and sleepless nights. I started to speak, but before I could even
open my mouth something sparked in his eyes as a small smile crossed
his face.

"Duo," he said softly, the basket toppling off his arm when he stared
to open his arms to embrace me. We both stared at it in amazement as
the groceries scattered by our feet. Simultaneously, we snickered,
then burst into laughter. I'm sure the other shoppers though us nuts,
but we simply couldn't contain all the emotions anymore.

--I stole behind him [1] in the frozen foods
--And I touched him on the sleeve
--He didn't recognize the face at first
--But then his eyes flew open wide
--He went to hug me and the basket fell [2]
--And we laughed until we cried

I brushed the tears off my face and Heero did the same, the same
small smile of understand softening the hard line of his features. It
looked to me like he wasn't use to smiling, and I felt a sharp pang
of regret, and longing. The laughter had faded and before a silence
could form, I swiftly knelt and hastily gathered up the fallen food.

"Ten second rule?" I offered as I gathered the vegetables back into
their plastic bags.

"Hn," Heero agreed, reaching out to take them from me. Our hands met
and again I saw that rare smile of his. I returned it, only mine was
more of a grin.

"Are you not getting anything?" Heero asked, looking to my empty
hands.

We were migrating towards the checkout, but I shrugged, "Not really."
I tried to think of something more to say, something to explain my
presence or clarify his. "I guess I was just window shopping anyway."

Instantly I regretted the words for their stupidity, but Heero didn't
seem to find them odd. He simply nodded. At Heero was eating a better
diet than me, because except for the emergency pizza, everything else
looked organic and healthy. I would have never thought Heero the
soy-milk kinda guy.

--We took his groceries to the checkout stand
--The food was totaled up and bagged
--We stood there lost in our embarrassment
--As the conversation dragged

Hovering around the exit, we kept saying stupid things and giving
stupid answers as if it were normal. I looked out into the night and
saw the white snow flakes falling, slowly blanketing everything in a
coat of pure innocence. It suddenly occurred to me Heero must be
thinking me a pretty pathetic loner if I'm window shopping around in
a grocery store on Christmas Eve.

Then again, I didn't see Heero buying champagne and caviar.

"Hey, how about I buy you a drink?" I offer suddenly, not wanting
Heero to simply walk out of my life again.

He nodded, gesturing vaguely towards the parking lot, "Let me put
these in the trunk."

"Oh, well, I don't have a car, so..." I let the sentence die a
merciful death and simply shrug. I had taken the bus here and had
planned on taking it back, but the idea suddenly seemed even more
pathetic-loner-ish.

"We can take my car," Heero said as we walk out into the falling snow.

A little while later, emerging from what has got to be the only open
store in town with beer, I could not help but marvel that there were
no open bars. But, then again, even bar keeps and boozers have
families to go home to at the end of the day.

--We went to have ourselves a drink or two
--But couldn't find an open bar
--We bought a six-pack at the liquor store
--And we drank it in his car
--We drank a toast to innocence
--We drank a toast to now
--And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
--But neither one knew how

"What have you been up to?" I asked, finding no better to break the
uncomfortable silence that with cliche. At least I didn't quote an
old black and white movie or something.

Heero shrugged slightly and almost seemed embarrassed as he held out
his hand, showing me the gold band across his finger. I swallowed the
suddenly bitter tasting beer, not really wanting to hear what he has
to say, but knowing I have to listen.

"So, whose the lucky..." I let the words die off, as I seemed
determined not to construct or finish a decent sentence anymore. I
was not sure what to say, as it was obvious to me now the full
meaning of that little band of yellow. I'd always known Heero was
different from me, and there suddenly was the complete truth of my
suspicions before me.

He shrugged uncomfortably, "Relena."

I forced myself to smile, "I bet that made her day."

He nodded slightly and we sat in silence for a while, slowly working
our way through the bottles.

--He said he'd married himself Relena [3]
--Who kept him warm and safe and dry
--He would have liked to say he loved the girl
--But he didn't like to lie

I watched him from the corner of my eye as the conversation drifted
back into stupid small talk. In a pause between my answer and his
next question, I said, "You haven't changed a bit, you know. Even
now...you still look the same. Your eyes especially."

I wanted to add that I'd always loved his eyes, that I'd always loved
him and never stopped, not even when we were far apart and trying to
forget. From the moment he held out the wedding band, I saw that spark
fade from his eyes as he and I both realized how distant the past was.

At my words he seemed stunned and couldn't think of a good reply, or
even a stupid one. At last, he finally nodded. I wanted to repeat my
statement, because I wasn't sure if he believed me. He did, though.
He still looked like the Heero I knew. At least, when he smiled and
his eyes took on the special fire, that reflection of the soul.

--I said the years had been a friend to him
--And that his eyes were still as blue
--But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I
--Saw doubt or gratitude

Heero lowered the beer and traced the rim with one pinky. "I've heard
some of your music, you know. I always check the store whenever the
new disk comes out."

"Really? I didn't know you liked that kind of music." Or any music at
all, I wanted to add.

He shrugged slightly, "It was a way to... I mean, I liked hearing
your voice. anyway, you've got to be proud. Your career's really
taking off, isn't it?"

I nodded, unable to form a coherent thought much less say anything.
Heero liked hearing my voice... I never would have imagined when I
recorded those songs that he would be listening. Hearing me pour out
my soul into the simple melodies.

"It's most traveling, though. Promotion tours and concerts. It's
hell, but... When I'm out on stage and the audience can actually feel
the beat, and they sing along... Man, it's heaven."

Heero nodded, and to my surprise I found myself able to believe he
understands.

--He said he saw me in the record stores
--And that I must be doing well
--I said the audience was heavenly
--But the traveling was hell
--We drank a toast to innocence
--We drank a toast to now
--And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
--But neither one knew how
--We drank a toast to innocence
--We drank a toast to time
--Reliving in our eloquence
--Another 'auld lang syne'

I wasn't sure how long we would sit there, talking about anything and
everything, but generally we just enjoyed each other's company. Every
so often I would find myself just gazing into Heero's eyes without
any real purpose, and whatever conversation we were having would fade
until it was just his eyes. As soon as we realized neither was
talking, both of us would look away, embarrassed.

"...Do you have any children?" I asked at last, trying to reconcile
the idea of the man before married and having small Heero/Relena
offspring running up calling 'Daddy.'

"No," Heero said forcefully, shaking his head for emphasis.

I nodded slightly, taking a long drink from my third bottle. The six
pack was empty and time was running against us. A chance meeting in
the store had brought Heero back into my life, but we both knew it
could never be. I could no longer be part of his life, but it had
always been that way. Fate seemed determined to keep us apart.

"I'm working on another album," I said suddenly, drawing us both out
of another silent staring contest. Heero made a noncommittal response
and once more we toyed around with pretending like we had something
worthy to talk about. We were trying to relive a past when the
present was a solid wall between us, and a future non-existent.

--The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
--And running out of things to say

At long last, we both knew the time had come for good-bye. I sat my
empty bottle back into the empty box, and that was how I felt. Empty.
Heero fiddled with his keys for a moment before finally starting the
car. The roar of the engine pierced the quiet and the windshield
wipers sent the gathered layer of snow flying.

Years ago I had already said my good-byes to Heero. I didn't find it
fair I had to go through them again. The entire thing was completely
and absolutely not fair, I wanted to say. I wanted to ask Heero back
to my place, or ask him to run away with me. But our lives stood
between us, with my career and his wife. Years stood between us.

We said nothing because mere words couldn't expressed the feelings we
both harbored in our hearts and eyes. He leaned across the seat and
pressed soft lips to mine, and in that moment there was nothing left
but Heero, me and the falling snow. Our past, present and future no
longer mattered. The audience and the wedding band faded, and all
that remained was his lips and mine.

Pain tore at my very soul when we parted, and I dreaded having to
once again face reality. We avoided another's eyes as I got out from
the car and stood a little ways away. I tightly crossed my thin arms
across my chest to keep in the cold as the flakes of white mingle on
my cheeks and dissolve when they contacted my tears.

--He gave a kiss to me as I got out
--And I watched him drive away

I lifted one hand in a partial good-bye wave. I stood there in the
pale street light glow even after Heero's car had long disappeared
from sight and sound. Another farewell in what seemed another
lifetime casted a misty veil between me and the world, but this time
I did not even have the hope that I would ever be with Heero again.

At least now I knew what had happened to him, and I knew what would
happen. I shared his past and doubted over what could have happened,
but now I knew. If I so desired I could send him concert tickets, or
the latest album. But beyond a doubt I knew I would do none of those
things, because this good-bye had been final.

--Just for a moment I was back in the war [4]
--And felt that old familiar pain

A glance to my watch put the time as past midnight, which made it
Christmas day. I had no idea when I had started my evening I would
end up spending Christmas Eve in a car with my truest and only love.
Compared to all the other Christmas celebrations I could remember
participating in, I had no doubt that this night would forever be
immortalized as the best.

There was no brightly lit Christmas tree back at my apartment, and no
awaiting presents from good ol' Santa Clause. I didn't mind, though,
because I had already received my present.

And it was the best gift I could receive.

Heero Yuy, in the flesh.

--And as I turned to make my way back home
--The snow turned into rain



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Author's Notes: I first heard this song on the radio and fell in love
with it for the pure emotion Fogelberg puts into the words. I would
recommend listening to the song ^_^
Anyway, I wanted to do a songfic for a while, and then I realized the
events took place on Christmas Eve and...well DUH! I wrote the entire
thing today (Thursday) just because. Obviously I had to make a few
changes in the lyrics so that would make more sense. You can find the
actual lyrics here: http://www.lyrics.net.ua/song/75678

[1] I changed all the feminine pronouns to masculine
[2] Changed "spilled her purse" to "the basket fell"
[3] The actual lyric isn't "Relena" but "architect"
[4] Changed it from school to war

--song lyrics

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