Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Feeling Blue ❯ Feeling Blue ( Chapter 1 )

Author: moffit

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any characters; I am not making any money from this. Characters used without permission.

Pairing: 1+2

Rating: PG-13/R ??

Warning: Deathfic, Shonen-ai, little graphic at end, angst

Notes: Hmn. This isn't a pity party, so if you really wanna get into my head, go here: Otherwise, this is a pretty sad thing. Works best listening to the song I suppose, since it was what I was listening to as I wrote and it inspired this.

Comments, rants, critiques… all are welcome…

/I wish you were here

Me oh, my country man, wish you were here

I wish you were here

Don't you know the snow is getting colder?

And I miss you like hell

And I'm feeling blue…/

Ritchie Blackmore - Wish You Were Here

Duo stared down at the cold ground. He was gone. His best friend was gone. And he'd just buried him. He was always burying loved ones, it seemed.

He poked the shovel's nose into the ground in front of him and leaned heavily on it. /Why? Why did you have to take him…? Heero…/ Scenes played back randomly in his mind. Heero strapped down to a table, pointedly ignoring him as he waved merrily. Duo shaking his fist at the sky and Heero's departing Gundam. Watching him play chess with Wufei and acting like he wasn't interested in the game.

Him meeting Heero for the first time and shooting him… twice.

Duo's head dropped to rest on his hands gripping the shovel's handle tightly. Wetness pricked at his eyes and slowly ran down his face and the side of his nose before dripping away. /Heero, why did you have to do that? Why did you have to go and die on me and leave me here, alone?/

He didn't know where any of the others were. After the war he and Heero had stayed close to each other, even got jobs at the same store. The world was a scary place when you were suddenly on your own, that's why they had stayed together. Quatre had offered to let them stay with him, but something in Duo had balked. He had lasted on his own before without charity, and he could do it now.

Heero had said nothing, just nodded at a bewildered Quatre and turned to follow Duo out of the hospital. Duo had noticed and stopped, looking at Heero with an unreadable look on his face before quirking a tiny grin and slowing down enough for Heero to keep up on his crutches.

Duo looked up and stared out at the ocean. He had buried his best friend on a cliff overlooking the bay where they had first met, under an old and worn oak tree. He didn't know if Heero would appreciate the thought. He had after all, shot Heero almost immediately on sight…

A chill wind blew from the north, drying the tracks on Duo's face. He shivered a bit, having taken his jacket off earlier while he was… digging. /Are you cold anymore, Heero? I hope not…/ Heero had hated the cold. Said it reminded him of the emptiness of space. The few leaves remaining on the tree shook and the branches rattled together in the wind.

Duo straightened and dropped the shovel to the side. He scuffed a toe at the disturbed earth in front of him. Heero was underneath all of that… Sadness washed over Duo anew as he walked slowly to the edge of the cliff a few dozen feet away. He had chosen the most secure looking spot, where he doubted there was much chance of the cliff dropping away and taking Heero with it. Duo bit his lip at the thought.

He stopped when he reached the very edge and was able to look down. He was so high up the mist didn't even reach him. He could see the surf coming in to crash into the rocks below. The foaming water entranced him as it washed back out, only to come right back again and repeat the process forever. /Heero would like it here… So… peaceful./

The sun was setting, lighting the water on fire. It reminded Duo of the war, the way flames would lick at the mobile suits in front of him as he sliced through and the fuel ignited. He didn't know if Heero would like that much.

Night was falling swiftly and still Duo stared down at the rocks being battered by the waves. It would be so easy to give up. Right here and now, this minute, this second. Tears pricked his eyes again. He inched his feet to the very edge, not taking his eyes off the rocks. It would be painful, especially if he didn't come to an end immediately. There was no way he'd be able to swim past the reef to the beach that looked a short distance but was really quite a bit away.

"No," he whispered to himself. "Heero… wouldn't want to see me defeated so easily." Duo swayed, his knees feeling weak. Then he took a step back, then another. It was so hard… his heart ached.

Turning around, turning his back on the temptation, Duo's hand raised to his throat. His hand clenched his shirt where his cross used to be. He didn't have it anymore. He'd given it to Heero, leaning over his friend's stiff body on the ground to clasp it around his neck and tuck it into the shirt Duo had put on him. He had climbed into the open grave and slowly tugged Heero into his arms before lowering him carefully.

Duo had wanted so much to lie down there with Heero and stay with him even then, but who would finish what they had started? Duo knew Heero hadn't liked the attention he'd gotten as "The Boy Who Saved the World". He'd had to steal Heero's body from the morgue before Relena or someone was notified and a huge ceremony was held. Heero would have hated that, he'd never liked having a lot of people's attention focused on him.

All he'd need was for someone to come along and see them together down there, lying in an open grave. No, it was better this way. He'd dressed Heero in the hospital, he knew they'd have had him stripped down for a later autopsy and Heero would have hated that invasion of his space more than anything. He'd been able to pass Heero off as a patient checking out, fallen asleep in the wheelchair, he'd been so excited about leaving. Duo had calmly wheeled Heero out to the car and not looked back once.

He had been proud of himself, in a way. Most things after that had been seen through someone else's eyes, as though he were disconnected from things. When he finally got to the spot he'd chosen, he was amazed that he hadn't broken down in the middle of traffic and caused an accident. Part of him had wished he had, but then guilt stabbed at him. He didn't want to be responsible for any more deaths, and Heero wouldn't have wanted that either. He started walking back to the car parked down the road.

They'd done enough killing in their lifetimes.

It was his fault Heero had died. Heero would probably call him an idiot for thinking that way, but he couldn't help it. The bullet had been meant for him, before Heero jumped in the path and took it for him. Hm. It was starting to rain. Duo turned his face up to meet it, the drops feeling like ice shards. His steps faltered. The man had been caught, he knew; the police had caught him running down the street still carrying the gun shortly after. /But that doesn't bring my best friend back to life, and it's all my fault./

Duo stopped. /No. No, I have to be strong. Heero wouldn't want me to feel guilty over something he did selflessly./ He'd have done the same for Heero, if their roles had been reversed. /I wish it hadn't happened at all…/

A bright light distracted him from further thoughts. An incredibly loud horn sounded and Duo turned, but it was too late - there was no way he'd be able to - Eurrghh!

Pain lanced throughout Duo's body as what his shocked mind identified as a semi slammed into him, knocking the breath from his body. The horn echoed in his ears as he was bounced off the front bumper and he crashed into the pavement. Duo's eyes opened wide as he felt something snap - many something's, actually - but this one *really* hurt. Owie…

His mind distantly noticed the semi swerve into a stop with brakes squealing, grating on his ears. It was hard to breathe… Duo coughed painfully and choked on something that came up his throat and tasted of copper. Blood.

Running feet slammed into the pavement as the driver came running up to him, hands fluttering in his vision.

"D-Duo!?"

/Hey, I know that voice…/

"Duo!"

"Hey… Trowa long… time no see…"

"Oh God, Duo, I - I'm so sorry! I didn't see you until it was too late!"

"'S okay…"

Tears started streaming down the other man's face. Or were those his own, making things so blurry? No, it was the rain… So he didn't know if either of them really was crying, though Trowa sure looked like he was... Duo couldn't remember ever having seen Trowa cry before. He stared, mystified. Trowa actually looked like for once, he actually didn't know what to do, and it obviously pained him. Why was he crying again? A wave of pain, fire sweeping through his chest reminded him. /Oh yeah…/

"Duo… Oh Duo, you're - you're gonna be Ok. You're gonna be - " dead…

Duo could see it in Trowa's eyes. He wasn't going to be fine. From the feeling of his abdomen, the loose sliding feeling, some internal organs had been wrenched from their place, and a sharp, continuous pain close to his heart told him what had snapped. A few ribs, and judging from his failing ability to breathe a collapsed lung, maybe punctured for good measure, as if someone were making sure.

A numb feeling was crawling over him and he couldn't make out what Trowa was saying. He could see the other man's mouth moving and hear sound coming out, but he had no idea what was being said.

"Trowa…" he rasped.

Trowa's face came in closer to hear him, "By the tree… I want to be put… by the tree…"

Understanding struck Trowa and he shook his head dumbly. Despite the negative response, Duo could feel Trowa lean down and lift him, pain racing up and down his spine. He gritted his teeth as he was hoisted into his old friend's arms.

Flashes of him and Heero… Heero smiling as Duo got excited about kids playing nearby in the park, unafraid. Duo covering Heero with a blanket as he fell asleep reading. Heero staring out the window of Peacemillion. The smugness on Heero's face as Duo melted tasting the macaroni and cheese he'd made. The soft smile Duo gave Heero as they shared a blanket watching a movie.

Duo couldn't feel anymore pain; didn't feel as Trowa's footsteps dragged heavily. He didn't feel pain anymore, he didn't want Trowa to feel any either…

Using the last bit of his strength, Duo turned his head resting on Trowa's shoulder and moved his mouth closer to his friend's ear, and sighed, "Thank you…" /for letting me be with him…/

Trowa felt when Duo suddenly seemed heavier. His knees gave out and he let them both fall to the damp ground. Disturbed earth was a few feet away and Trowa suddenly understood. He'd heard of something happening to Heero, the world was in an uproar over him disappearing from the hospital… This was where he'd gone… And now Duo too… The two had hardly ever been apart.

Picking up the nearby shovel, Trowa began to dig.

/From the first time I laid my eyes on you

Felt joy of living; I saw Heaven in your eyes

In your eyes…/

/Snow is getting colder, baby

And I wish you were here

A battlefield of love and fear

And I wish you were here…/