Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Femistory ❯ Siren ( Chapter 3 )

Standard Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its character don't belong to me etc. I'm not getting paid for this… I should only be so lucky. "Siren" belongs to the ever-fabulous Tori Amos.

Warnings: Not many… extremely mild language, obssessivism, oh yeah, songfic, Relena's POV

A/N: The next in the series. I hope this adds new possibilities to your perceptions of Relena. If you don't like it, too bad. This whole series is, of course, hypothetical, but personally, I like to play off of Relena's intelligence and portray her potentially conniving side.
blah = lyrics

Siren
By Solanum Dulcamara

And you know you're gonna lie to you
In your own way.
And you know you're gonna lie to you
In your own way.

Lies: the fabric of my life. They weave my safety net and my noose. Have you ever felt strangled by life? I have… as far back as I can remember. But I'll continue to live my life… to live my lie… because dying is much more frightening. Yes, I know that I offered Heero the opportunity to kill me many, many times… but that was just a bit of a farce. I'd convinced myself that he wouldn't really kill me. I just wanted to see him and kept hoping that he wanted to see me more than kill me… it was really very convoluted and foolish. So, I fell back on the lie I was raised on: pacifism. I wanted to be his lighthouse… his idol. Of course I feigned nobility, humility, and acted as though I didn't want the positions thrust at me.

And I lie some other day.

Are you criticizing me? Then, you're hypocrites.

You do…

Or are you shocked that Relena Peacecraft can be dishonest? I'm human too, dammit! It seems that everyone forgets that.


And you say girl,
Know too well…

I grew up in a world of finery, delicacy, and deceit. A world where people impersonated warmth while biting their tongues and speaking with frost. A world where lies were as common as the jewels on ladies' necks and the Rolexes on gentlemen's wrists.

Know the chill…

A world where your smile was as fake as your acting ability would allow. Good actor = good liar… more lies. And we wore the masks… wear the masks. You could be screaming… crying… dying… but you did so on the inside.

I did. I remember the day my safety net broke.. the day I put the noose around my neck.

Know she breaks…
My siren.

He was beautiful. I was no more than pretty. He was passionate. I didn't give a damn. He was walking honesty. And I was a joke. I thought that if I attached myself to him, maybe I could absorb a little bit of what he was. I thought, maybe if I was just there enough, he could love me in a way that those of my shallow world are incapable. I thought, maybe when someone like him looked at me, he'd see a person… maybe even a beautiful one.

Know teenage flesh…

He was cold. He was hard. He promised to kill me.

Know the chill…

And I welcomed it… to die by his hand… his sacrifice… a purging.

Know she breaks,
My siren.

And he saw something in me… enough so not to kill me. He even saved me. So, I wanted to be something for him, and I took up the battle against the war that was his life. If I took it away, he'd have nothing left but me. No one ever said I don't go after what I want.

Never was one for a prissy girl

Besides, being so involved in the war gave me more of a chance to keep tabs on him. I swear, I still look twice whenever I see a medical vehicle.

Coquette, call in for an ambulance.

So, I gave my speeches and made my presentations, offering the world sphere the beautiful lie of world peace,


Reach high, doesn't mean she's holy

and all the while, I had multiple communication lines open, so I could immediately be notified of his every sighting and action.

Just means she's got a cellular handy.

So, I'm not the paragon of virtue everyone thinks I am. What I was actually doing (trailing the world's most lethal terrorist) was really more dangerous than what the world sphere thought I was doing (being a diplomat standing against the powers that be). Who's going to call Relena Peacecraft a weakling now?

Almost brave…
Almost pregnant…
Almost in love…

Believe me, I've heard what people say about me. I hear everything. But do you know what he said when he was leaving St. Gabriel's? He told me I remind him of

Vanilla…
Vanilla…

And I lived my lie for him.

And you know you're gonna lie to you
In your own way.
And you know you're gonna lie to you
In your own way.

And I made my journey, blindly through the pitfalls of politics. God, politicians are assholes. It often makes me wonder if, when my father wasn't home, he was an asshole.

And you don't need the light on
To guide you through the southern lands.
Go, said go, yes.

Perhaps that's why I hated Duo for so long… he was everything I wasn't; beautiful, passionate, brazenly honest… and close to Heero. And Duo, he always knew.

Know too well…

There was no hiding it with him. And I expected the typical cold shoulder that a fraud like me deserves.

Know the chill…

But he was always friendly. It kinda hurt. I almost wanted him to hate me. But he told me once, "Relena, you just might hate who you are, but remember, you've inspired the masses, given the world something to believe in, and given Heero someone to fight for. Ain't gonna give up now, are ya?" And dammit, he was right. I cried.

Know she breaks,
My siren.

That was when I realized what a selfish product of my environment I'd become, and I didn't like it.

Know teenage flesh…

And amazingly enough, what Duo told me gave me a purpose; a safeguard against those soulless, war-mongering politicians.

Know the chill…

Just like that, the world I knew shattered, and the noose around my neck unraveled, and I could breathe. It was terrifying.

Know she breaks,
My siren.

The once lie became a banner, which I carried with fervor,

Never was one for a prissy girl

and it became my healing process.

Coquette, call in for an ambulance

It still took me awhile to realize that total pacifism was unattainable.

Reach high, doesn't mean she's holy

In fact, it took kidnapping, another war, and the brave hearts of the men, who once again saved my ass, before I started to get achievable goals of world peace into my head.

I still keep tabs on him, you know. Actually, I keep an eye on all of them.

Just means she's got a cellular handy

It's not often you get to meet your saviors. So, I'm going to keep fighting to maintain the peace they've brought to the world sphere.

Almost brave…
Almost pregnant…
Almost in love…

And I'll keep trying to be

Vanilla…
Vanilla…