Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Fighting the Darkness ❯ Chapter 17
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
Disclaimer: The G-boys and Gundam Wing don’t belong to me.
Warnings: Located in the first part. Be sure to look or you might be surprised.
AN: This is the last part, and I apologize for any of those that aren’t happy with this, it just had to end this way. I am working on a sequel. I just couldn’t leave my favorite boys unhappy forever.
FIGHTING THE DARKNESS – PART 17
Opening his eyes, he stared in wonder. Instead of the hospital room he had gone to sleep in, he was standing in the center of a large field, surrounded by tall grass and flowers of every shape and color. In the near distance he could see rows of mountain, one with a waterfall splitting the trees covering the surface, a streak of blue amidst a sea of green.
Rather than question the appearance of possibly the most beautiful place he had ever seen, he walked a bit, hand held out to brush the top of the grass. Letting the peace around him soothe his troubled heart, he found a rock and took a seat on it, pulling one leg up and hooking his arms around his knee.
He was completely unsurprised when he felt a presence, “You shouldn’t be expending this kind of energy. You need it to heal now that you’re…up and about.”
“This seems to be the only way I can actually get you to talk to me,” Duo commented as he sat down on the rock beside Trowa. “You’re avoiding me.”
Unable to stand seeing the other man, Trowa kept his gaze firmly on the majestic scene before him. “I’m not avoiding you. Not really. I was going to talk to you tomorrow, but I needed some time.”
“I know what you needed time to do,” Duo’s voice was irritated. “You wanted time so you could pull back, so you could go back to the way you were. I could hear you, Trowa. I could hear the things you said, even if I was asleep. You warned me this would happen, didn’t you? You told me you would pull back into yourself when I woke up.”
Thinking his physical wounds didn’t even come close to matching the pain in his heart, Trowa fought the need to reach for Duo’s hand. “I have to pull back, Duo. I can’t do this. I’ll always be there if you need me, and the offer of you staying with me will always be open, but I need a day or two to…adjust.”
“Why? Why do you have to adjust to anything? Nothing’s changed since I woke up.”
“That’s the whole point, isn’t it? Nothing’s changed at all. I have to pull back, Duo. Can you understand that?” Looking down at his hands, clasped around his knee, he saw the other man move out of the corner of his eye. He thought there was a hiss of frustration but wasn’t going to look to make sure.
“What do you want from me, Trowa?”
Although the question was a surprise, the answer was immediate. “I don’t want anything from you. I just want you to be happy.”
“So if I asked you to help me move my stuff from my apartment back to Hilde’s, what would you say?”
“When do you want me to start?”
“You’d really do it, wouldn’t you? You can’t stand Hilde, but you wouldn’t argue with me if that’s what I wanted.”
Feeling a deep frustration of his own, Trowa finally turned his head to face the other man, his breath hitching as he saw the violet eyes watching him. “What do you want me to say, Duo? I want you to be happy. If Hilde makes you happy, then I’ll help you in any way I can. What more do you want from me?”
“To show some of the damn emotion you did before I came out of a coma!” Duo pushed off the rock and stalked around, the skies darkening to match his own feelings. “You were open and honest with me. I know damn well there are things you didn’t tell me, but you said more than you are now. Why can’t you talk to me like you were?”
Suddenly, it was all too much. The days of little sleep and constant stress, the emotions that were so strong and the memories of Duo’s assault and his own caused everything to grow until it was impossible to contain. “What the hell do you want to hear me say, Duo? That it was easier to talk to you when you couldn’t respond? It was, damnit. I didn’t have to worry about you laughing at me or hating me, so yeah, it was a lot easier. I don’t want anything in return for helping you. I don’t want anything at all. I want you to be happy and maybe get to spend some time with you before you go on with your life.” Breathing hard, he pulled up his other leg and let his forehead rest on his knees, stunned by everything that had come out in a rush. Not daring to look at the braided man, he sighed heavily, “There’s no point in asking you for anything, Duo. You can’t give me what I want, and I know that. Please don’t ask me about it again.”
“We have to talk about this, Trowa. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to say about it.”
“You aren’t supposed to say about anything. It’s not your problem. If you want to do both of us a favor, forget you ever heard anything I said that didn’t’ have something to do with finding the people that hurt you.”
Duo must have realized Trowa didn’t want to talk about it anymore, because he let it go with a huff of breath. After a moment he came back to sit on the rock, closer than he had been before. Trowa couldn’t help tensing slightly; wanting nothing more than to touch what was so close, but the distance between them might have been miles instead of inches.
Not wanting to argue in such a serene setting, Trowa lifted his head, “It’s not something you can do anything about, Duo. It’s not your problem. I’d say it has nothing to do with you, but that would be a lie, so I won’t. I don’t’ want you to feel awkward around me. That would be the worst thing you could do. If I can ask for one thing, it’s that you don’t act differently than you did before, when we barely knew anything about each other.”
The sensation of a hand on his arm nearly broke the remains of his willpower. It was Duo’s words that kept him from putting his arms around the lean body, healthy and scar-free in the dreamscape. “To tell you I’ll forget would be a lie. I can’t forget how you sounded, or how you touched me, but I’ll try to think of it as you doing your best to anchor me. I wish I could give you more than that, but…”
It hurt to hear, though it had been no less than he had expected. “It’s more than enough. I promise not to do or say anything to make you uncomfortable.”
“Trowa, I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
Trowa jerked his head around, heart turning over as he frowned. “”What the hell are you sorry for?”
“For pulling you into all of this. For making you have feelings for me. For not returning those feelings.”
“I came because I wanted to, and you didn’t make me feel anything. It just happened. I knew you couldn’t feel the same way.”
“If I could…”
Hurting more than he wanted to admit, he averted his eyes at the sympathy he saw on Duo’s face, sympathy he didn’t want. “Forget it. I’d like to be left alone for a little while.”
The slightest sound, accompanied by a sigh, was all he heard before Duo was gone. He wanted to linger in the clearing, but knew it didn’t belong to him. The memory was Duo’s. This meant he was somehow in the other man’s mind, a thorn in Duo’s consciousness. It didn’t take long to disappear from the scene, creating his own dream to escape into for a little while. Aboard the Peacemillion, he gazed out into the darkness that surrounded the ship.
The surprise was easy to see on Duo’s face when Trowa walked into his room the next morning, bag tossed over one shoulder. A heavy silence filled the air as Trowa stared at his feet, wondering if he should have left, regardless of what he had promised Ellen.
Howard was brave enough to barrel into the quiet. “See you got your bag.”
“I snuck upstairs and…retrieved it,” Trowa winced at how stilted his speech was, lifting his eyes to smile at the older man in effort to correct it. “I thought it best to leave it where it was last night. The sector police would have been angry about the contents.”
“Angry? Somebody would’ve had a cow, or a whole herd of ‘em,” snorted the grey haired man in amusement. Standing, Howard looked to Duo, then back to Trowa. “I’ll give you two a minute. I’ll be right down the hall.”
Alone with Duo, Trowa reflected how much of a difference a few days could make in your life for the second time in less than a month. Shaking his head, he let the bag slide down his arm, gritting his teeth when the strap scraped painfully over his arm. Determined not to look at the man on the bed unless he had to, he kept his eyes on the street below the window. “You have a better view here,” he said at length. “More interesting, at least,” he amended as two women came to blows over something. A few kind passers-by had the nerve to step between the raging females, holding on until the struggles ceased.
“I wouldn’t know. Howard hasn’t let me get that far yet.”
Hearing the wistful tone, Trowa offered some encouragement, “It won’t be long before no one can hold you back. Let him fuss a bit. He’s had a hard time this last week.”
“You’ve had a hard time, too. Don’t you want to fuss a little?”
“I’m not the type to fuss unless it’s called for.” He didn’t know if it was better or worse that Duo acted like nothing had changed. Crossing his arms over his chest carefully, he decided to tell the other man all he needed to so he could leave. There was a bottle of whiskey in his bag practically begging him to open it. “The hospital plans to keep you here longer?”
“Yeah. Observation stuff. I have to take some tests this afternoon, make sure I didn’t do any nerve damage. I don’t think I did. My hands and arms seem to work just fine.”
“If you decide to go back to your apartment, I’ve arranged for your rent to be paid through the end of next month.”
“I appreciate that and all - the hospital bill is going to be hell - but I can’t ask you to do that.”
“The hospital bills are being paid, plus any other expenses you may have had. I’m not paying them, Duo. The others are.” He didn’t have to explain who he was referring to.
“Why would they do that?” the other man sounded bewildered.
“We’ll call it penance for not being there when you needed them. They’re more than happy to help.” Not wanting things to be difficult for Duo, he relented, “They really are sorry, Duo. Sometimes it’s easy for them to get caught up in their own lives and forget those that are supposed to be friends. If you would like to see them, I can pass the message along.”
“Didn’t you tell them not to come?”
This brought a smile to Trowa’s face that Duo couldn’t see. “I’m fairly certain they’re close by. I didn’t say anything about them staying off the colony.”
Duo chuckled but didn’t sound all that amused. “Could you have someone meet Hilde at my apartment? You’ll have to call her, but she’d know better than anyone what I’ll want to take with me when I leave.”
After everything that had happened, the idea of speaking to Hilde made his stomach roll, but he nodded. Recalling the odd assortment in Duo’s apartment, he questioned, “Would you prefer to use a mover, or would you rather we move your things ourselves?”
“If you hire a mover, it’s gonna cost out the ass. How much do you think they’ll charge to move my shit to Earth?”
Leaving Duo on the colony had been painful enough to think about, but Trowa was certain it was less painful than having to see him and Hilde together. “You and Hilde are moving to Earth? Is she planning to open a new salvage yard there?”
“I don’t know what Hilde’s planning, and I really don’t care. You said I could live with you for a while, right? Or have you changed your mind?”
Not trusting his ears, Trowa finally turned to stare at the other man, his eyes wide, “What?”
At his reaction, Duo smiled, “Got you to look at me, didn’t I? Have you changed you mind about letting me stay with you?”
“I haven’t changed my mind. You can stay as long as you like.” Hoping Duo didn’t misinterpret his meaning, he hastily added, “I have a spare bedroom you can have, with a private bathroom on the first floor. There is another bedroom on the second floor beside mine, but it’s a great deal smaller.”
Duo looked down at his hands, tangling in the blanket, “That sounds…nice. Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, but are you? Why did you decide to move?” he asked, needing to know.
“It’s past time for me to leave here, get a fresh start. I should have done it sooner, but I didn’t want to be alone.” Glancing up, violet met green. “Do you understand that?”
“I do. It’ll be nice not to be alone all the time,” he agreed softly.
When Duo’s cheeks reddened, Trowa waited for the inevitable. “You know this doesn’t mean…I can’t be…I know you hoped…”
“No, I didn’t. I never hoped. Hope is for fools and dreamers. I’m neither.”
“Oh, well…are you leaving?”
“I’ll stay to oversee the removal of your things from your apartment. I have to return to work. I also need to make sure the spare room is ready for my new roommate,” he said lightly, forcing a smile.
His attempt at a smile when unnoticed when Duo frowned at his hands again, plucking at a loose string. “Howard’ll probably take you to Earth. You could just take my junk with you. I’ll need some clothes, but the rest can be packed and shipped.”
“Howard will want to stay here with you. I’ll get your things home safely.” He was already planning to call Quatre and request the use of his private shuttle, likely already docked at the nearest L2 spaceport.
After shifting on the bed to get comfortable, a move that had Trowa reaching out before stilling his arm, Duo gave a heavy sigh. “Can you talk to him before you go? He’s worried about you.”
“Why would he be worried about me?”
“He wouldn’t say. All he’s told me is that you had to deal with some bad shit to help me. Do you know what he meant?”
The night Howard had held him as he had sobbed like an infant came to Trowa, making him flinch at the memory. “I know.”
“Will you tell me? I didn’t want you hurt.”
“No, and no. You didn’t hurt me, not directly, or deliberately. I might tell you someday, but not now.”
Silence settled over the room, heavy and foreboding. Trowa counted two minutes before he decided it was past time to go. “If you’ll call and give me your arrival times, I’ll meet you at the spaceport.”
“You don’t have to go to all that trouble.”
Truly amused, Trowa shouldered his heavy bag, “You don’t know where I live, Duo. Besides, it’s no trouble. That’s what friends are for, right?”
Duo’s smile was open and honest as he nodded firmly, “I guess it is. I’ll call you.”
“I’ll answer the phone.”
The end, until I finish the sequel, that is!!
Warnings: Located in the first part. Be sure to look or you might be surprised.
AN: This is the last part, and I apologize for any of those that aren’t happy with this, it just had to end this way. I am working on a sequel. I just couldn’t leave my favorite boys unhappy forever.
FIGHTING THE DARKNESS – PART 17
Opening his eyes, he stared in wonder. Instead of the hospital room he had gone to sleep in, he was standing in the center of a large field, surrounded by tall grass and flowers of every shape and color. In the near distance he could see rows of mountain, one with a waterfall splitting the trees covering the surface, a streak of blue amidst a sea of green.
Rather than question the appearance of possibly the most beautiful place he had ever seen, he walked a bit, hand held out to brush the top of the grass. Letting the peace around him soothe his troubled heart, he found a rock and took a seat on it, pulling one leg up and hooking his arms around his knee.
He was completely unsurprised when he felt a presence, “You shouldn’t be expending this kind of energy. You need it to heal now that you’re…up and about.”
“This seems to be the only way I can actually get you to talk to me,” Duo commented as he sat down on the rock beside Trowa. “You’re avoiding me.”
Unable to stand seeing the other man, Trowa kept his gaze firmly on the majestic scene before him. “I’m not avoiding you. Not really. I was going to talk to you tomorrow, but I needed some time.”
“I know what you needed time to do,” Duo’s voice was irritated. “You wanted time so you could pull back, so you could go back to the way you were. I could hear you, Trowa. I could hear the things you said, even if I was asleep. You warned me this would happen, didn’t you? You told me you would pull back into yourself when I woke up.”
Thinking his physical wounds didn’t even come close to matching the pain in his heart, Trowa fought the need to reach for Duo’s hand. “I have to pull back, Duo. I can’t do this. I’ll always be there if you need me, and the offer of you staying with me will always be open, but I need a day or two to…adjust.”
“Why? Why do you have to adjust to anything? Nothing’s changed since I woke up.”
“That’s the whole point, isn’t it? Nothing’s changed at all. I have to pull back, Duo. Can you understand that?” Looking down at his hands, clasped around his knee, he saw the other man move out of the corner of his eye. He thought there was a hiss of frustration but wasn’t going to look to make sure.
“What do you want from me, Trowa?”
Although the question was a surprise, the answer was immediate. “I don’t want anything from you. I just want you to be happy.”
“So if I asked you to help me move my stuff from my apartment back to Hilde’s, what would you say?”
“When do you want me to start?”
“You’d really do it, wouldn’t you? You can’t stand Hilde, but you wouldn’t argue with me if that’s what I wanted.”
Feeling a deep frustration of his own, Trowa finally turned his head to face the other man, his breath hitching as he saw the violet eyes watching him. “What do you want me to say, Duo? I want you to be happy. If Hilde makes you happy, then I’ll help you in any way I can. What more do you want from me?”
“To show some of the damn emotion you did before I came out of a coma!” Duo pushed off the rock and stalked around, the skies darkening to match his own feelings. “You were open and honest with me. I know damn well there are things you didn’t tell me, but you said more than you are now. Why can’t you talk to me like you were?”
Suddenly, it was all too much. The days of little sleep and constant stress, the emotions that were so strong and the memories of Duo’s assault and his own caused everything to grow until it was impossible to contain. “What the hell do you want to hear me say, Duo? That it was easier to talk to you when you couldn’t respond? It was, damnit. I didn’t have to worry about you laughing at me or hating me, so yeah, it was a lot easier. I don’t want anything in return for helping you. I don’t want anything at all. I want you to be happy and maybe get to spend some time with you before you go on with your life.” Breathing hard, he pulled up his other leg and let his forehead rest on his knees, stunned by everything that had come out in a rush. Not daring to look at the braided man, he sighed heavily, “There’s no point in asking you for anything, Duo. You can’t give me what I want, and I know that. Please don’t ask me about it again.”
“We have to talk about this, Trowa. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to say about it.”
“You aren’t supposed to say about anything. It’s not your problem. If you want to do both of us a favor, forget you ever heard anything I said that didn’t’ have something to do with finding the people that hurt you.”
Duo must have realized Trowa didn’t want to talk about it anymore, because he let it go with a huff of breath. After a moment he came back to sit on the rock, closer than he had been before. Trowa couldn’t help tensing slightly; wanting nothing more than to touch what was so close, but the distance between them might have been miles instead of inches.
Not wanting to argue in such a serene setting, Trowa lifted his head, “It’s not something you can do anything about, Duo. It’s not your problem. I’d say it has nothing to do with you, but that would be a lie, so I won’t. I don’t’ want you to feel awkward around me. That would be the worst thing you could do. If I can ask for one thing, it’s that you don’t act differently than you did before, when we barely knew anything about each other.”
The sensation of a hand on his arm nearly broke the remains of his willpower. It was Duo’s words that kept him from putting his arms around the lean body, healthy and scar-free in the dreamscape. “To tell you I’ll forget would be a lie. I can’t forget how you sounded, or how you touched me, but I’ll try to think of it as you doing your best to anchor me. I wish I could give you more than that, but…”
It hurt to hear, though it had been no less than he had expected. “It’s more than enough. I promise not to do or say anything to make you uncomfortable.”
“Trowa, I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
Trowa jerked his head around, heart turning over as he frowned. “”What the hell are you sorry for?”
“For pulling you into all of this. For making you have feelings for me. For not returning those feelings.”
“I came because I wanted to, and you didn’t make me feel anything. It just happened. I knew you couldn’t feel the same way.”
“If I could…”
Hurting more than he wanted to admit, he averted his eyes at the sympathy he saw on Duo’s face, sympathy he didn’t want. “Forget it. I’d like to be left alone for a little while.”
The slightest sound, accompanied by a sigh, was all he heard before Duo was gone. He wanted to linger in the clearing, but knew it didn’t belong to him. The memory was Duo’s. This meant he was somehow in the other man’s mind, a thorn in Duo’s consciousness. It didn’t take long to disappear from the scene, creating his own dream to escape into for a little while. Aboard the Peacemillion, he gazed out into the darkness that surrounded the ship.
The surprise was easy to see on Duo’s face when Trowa walked into his room the next morning, bag tossed over one shoulder. A heavy silence filled the air as Trowa stared at his feet, wondering if he should have left, regardless of what he had promised Ellen.
Howard was brave enough to barrel into the quiet. “See you got your bag.”
“I snuck upstairs and…retrieved it,” Trowa winced at how stilted his speech was, lifting his eyes to smile at the older man in effort to correct it. “I thought it best to leave it where it was last night. The sector police would have been angry about the contents.”
“Angry? Somebody would’ve had a cow, or a whole herd of ‘em,” snorted the grey haired man in amusement. Standing, Howard looked to Duo, then back to Trowa. “I’ll give you two a minute. I’ll be right down the hall.”
Alone with Duo, Trowa reflected how much of a difference a few days could make in your life for the second time in less than a month. Shaking his head, he let the bag slide down his arm, gritting his teeth when the strap scraped painfully over his arm. Determined not to look at the man on the bed unless he had to, he kept his eyes on the street below the window. “You have a better view here,” he said at length. “More interesting, at least,” he amended as two women came to blows over something. A few kind passers-by had the nerve to step between the raging females, holding on until the struggles ceased.
“I wouldn’t know. Howard hasn’t let me get that far yet.”
Hearing the wistful tone, Trowa offered some encouragement, “It won’t be long before no one can hold you back. Let him fuss a bit. He’s had a hard time this last week.”
“You’ve had a hard time, too. Don’t you want to fuss a little?”
“I’m not the type to fuss unless it’s called for.” He didn’t know if it was better or worse that Duo acted like nothing had changed. Crossing his arms over his chest carefully, he decided to tell the other man all he needed to so he could leave. There was a bottle of whiskey in his bag practically begging him to open it. “The hospital plans to keep you here longer?”
“Yeah. Observation stuff. I have to take some tests this afternoon, make sure I didn’t do any nerve damage. I don’t think I did. My hands and arms seem to work just fine.”
“If you decide to go back to your apartment, I’ve arranged for your rent to be paid through the end of next month.”
“I appreciate that and all - the hospital bill is going to be hell - but I can’t ask you to do that.”
“The hospital bills are being paid, plus any other expenses you may have had. I’m not paying them, Duo. The others are.” He didn’t have to explain who he was referring to.
“Why would they do that?” the other man sounded bewildered.
“We’ll call it penance for not being there when you needed them. They’re more than happy to help.” Not wanting things to be difficult for Duo, he relented, “They really are sorry, Duo. Sometimes it’s easy for them to get caught up in their own lives and forget those that are supposed to be friends. If you would like to see them, I can pass the message along.”
“Didn’t you tell them not to come?”
This brought a smile to Trowa’s face that Duo couldn’t see. “I’m fairly certain they’re close by. I didn’t say anything about them staying off the colony.”
Duo chuckled but didn’t sound all that amused. “Could you have someone meet Hilde at my apartment? You’ll have to call her, but she’d know better than anyone what I’ll want to take with me when I leave.”
After everything that had happened, the idea of speaking to Hilde made his stomach roll, but he nodded. Recalling the odd assortment in Duo’s apartment, he questioned, “Would you prefer to use a mover, or would you rather we move your things ourselves?”
“If you hire a mover, it’s gonna cost out the ass. How much do you think they’ll charge to move my shit to Earth?”
Leaving Duo on the colony had been painful enough to think about, but Trowa was certain it was less painful than having to see him and Hilde together. “You and Hilde are moving to Earth? Is she planning to open a new salvage yard there?”
“I don’t know what Hilde’s planning, and I really don’t care. You said I could live with you for a while, right? Or have you changed your mind?”
Not trusting his ears, Trowa finally turned to stare at the other man, his eyes wide, “What?”
At his reaction, Duo smiled, “Got you to look at me, didn’t I? Have you changed you mind about letting me stay with you?”
“I haven’t changed my mind. You can stay as long as you like.” Hoping Duo didn’t misinterpret his meaning, he hastily added, “I have a spare bedroom you can have, with a private bathroom on the first floor. There is another bedroom on the second floor beside mine, but it’s a great deal smaller.”
Duo looked down at his hands, tangling in the blanket, “That sounds…nice. Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, but are you? Why did you decide to move?” he asked, needing to know.
“It’s past time for me to leave here, get a fresh start. I should have done it sooner, but I didn’t want to be alone.” Glancing up, violet met green. “Do you understand that?”
“I do. It’ll be nice not to be alone all the time,” he agreed softly.
When Duo’s cheeks reddened, Trowa waited for the inevitable. “You know this doesn’t mean…I can’t be…I know you hoped…”
“No, I didn’t. I never hoped. Hope is for fools and dreamers. I’m neither.”
“Oh, well…are you leaving?”
“I’ll stay to oversee the removal of your things from your apartment. I have to return to work. I also need to make sure the spare room is ready for my new roommate,” he said lightly, forcing a smile.
His attempt at a smile when unnoticed when Duo frowned at his hands again, plucking at a loose string. “Howard’ll probably take you to Earth. You could just take my junk with you. I’ll need some clothes, but the rest can be packed and shipped.”
“Howard will want to stay here with you. I’ll get your things home safely.” He was already planning to call Quatre and request the use of his private shuttle, likely already docked at the nearest L2 spaceport.
After shifting on the bed to get comfortable, a move that had Trowa reaching out before stilling his arm, Duo gave a heavy sigh. “Can you talk to him before you go? He’s worried about you.”
“Why would he be worried about me?”
“He wouldn’t say. All he’s told me is that you had to deal with some bad shit to help me. Do you know what he meant?”
The night Howard had held him as he had sobbed like an infant came to Trowa, making him flinch at the memory. “I know.”
“Will you tell me? I didn’t want you hurt.”
“No, and no. You didn’t hurt me, not directly, or deliberately. I might tell you someday, but not now.”
Silence settled over the room, heavy and foreboding. Trowa counted two minutes before he decided it was past time to go. “If you’ll call and give me your arrival times, I’ll meet you at the spaceport.”
“You don’t have to go to all that trouble.”
Truly amused, Trowa shouldered his heavy bag, “You don’t know where I live, Duo. Besides, it’s no trouble. That’s what friends are for, right?”
Duo’s smile was open and honest as he nodded firmly, “I guess it is. I’ll call you.”
“I’ll answer the phone.”
The end, until I finish the sequel, that is!!